HEADLINE: RANDOM SHOOTINGS DON’T BOTHER KANSAS CITY DRIVERS

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Headline, Headlines, It's not what you think, Joseph Bleckman, Kansas City, kluchtig, lächerlich, News, скарлетт йоханссон, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, Pycho-Social Trauma, rimshot wav download, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, The Wrath of Khan, Travel, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة on April 12, 2014 by paulboylan

Kansas City Drivers

KANSAS CITY, Mo. (Ass. Press) – Several shootings have targeted apparently random vehicles along a tangle of interstate highways in south Kansas City, but it doesn’t seem to have rattled area drivers, who say they’ll stick with their normal routes.

“I live in Kansas City,” said Steven Murphy, a local commuter. “Getting shot at might be the best thing that happens to me all day.”

“Heck, I invite being targeted by a sniper,” said Linda Kromthip, another Kansas City resident driver. “I have a bumper sticker that says ‘I Hate Violent Blacks and Jews.’ I know it is a long shot, but who knows? I might get lucky.”

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Making some father proud.

Posted in And now the snorting starts on March 14, 2014 by paulboylan

somebody's daughter copy

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH CHRIS HEMSWORTH

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Cinema, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, سكارليت جوهانسون on March 10, 2014 by paulboylan

Stay away from my wife.

In this frankly fictitious interview,  international celebrity Chris Hemsworth, known far and wide as the star of Thor and The Avengers, stopped by for a little chat.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Stay away from my wife.

CHRIS HEMSWORTH: What?

POE: You heard me. Stay away from my wife.

HEMSWORTH:  I don’t know your wife.

POE: Then I guess it won’t be too difficult to stay away from her, will it?

HEMSWORTH:  I certainly hope so.

POE:  Me too. Me too.

 

 

 

 

 

HEADLINE – INACCURATE RACIST VILIFIED

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Bigotry in America, Early-onset dementia, Headline, News, Why do people in other countries talk funny? on March 2, 2014 by paulboylan

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Innacurate Racist

Cooter van Poope in 2003 complaining that Jews have no sense of rhythm.

MUNCIE, Indiana – A white supremacist racist is coming under fire from other racists for his inaccurate slurs.

Cooter van Poope, a self-professed “crusader and protector of the white race” who lives in Butte, Montana, is being characterized by other racists as a “loose cannon” who does not represent the mainstream American racist movement.

“Van Poope is an idiot,” said Trip Henderson, editor and publisher of the Racist Times, an Internet based news media outlet focused on advancing hatred for non white minorities and homosexuals. “American racism is simple,” Henderson explained. “Jews are cheap, Japs can’t drive, and all Italians belong to the Mafia.  How hard is that to remember? Bigotry isn’t rocket science.”

In response to criticism from fellow racists, Van Poope exclaimed “I am sick and tired of all those cods taking siestas, wearing sombreros and and drinking all our tequila.”  

A “cod” is a derogatory term for a person of Icelandic nationality or origin that Van Poope made up.

“I invented it,” Van Poope said with pride. “Fucking cods,” he added. “Coming here and taking all our jobs. They’re worse than the Iyoobs. They should go back where they came from.”

Van Poope has his defenders.  “Accurate racial and ethnic slurs don’t matter,” said Marylin Davenport, Director of the Angry Institute of Hate Studies in Birmingham, Alabama. “What matters is hate. There is no question that Van Poope is filled to bursting with hate, and that is what his fellow racists should focus on – not on his loose use of racial and ethnic stereotypes.”

Other experts agree. “There is no such thing as a universally accepted racial or ethnic slur,” said Dr. Skip Whiteman, Hateologist Emeritus and Professor of Hateology at Tom Metzger University in Phoenix, Arizona. “There isn’t any executive body of racists who meet annually to decide which racial insults will apply universally to which minority groups.  Racial slurs can be random and still  effectively manifest and encourage hate,” Whiteman said.

When asked for his opinion on gay rights, Van Poope stated, “All you need to do to keep a faggot occupied is make sure there is plenty of watermelon and fried chicken and cool aide to buy with his food stamps, the lazy shiftless bastards.”

“Don’t even get me started  about the filthy, oily, garlic-eating Zimmies,” Van Poope added. “But I admit they are good at math.  I’ll give them that.”

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obamasignhalfbreedmusligy6

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EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH PAULA DEEN

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, Bigotry in America, News, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, The Great State of Montana!, The Wrath of God, The Wrath of Khan, TV, USA! USA! USA!, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه on February 28, 2014 by paulboylan

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CookingWithPaulaDeen_April2011

Southern “down home” celebrity cook Paula Deen – exiled from public life due to racist comments she made about African Americans – is ready to return to public life. In this frankly fictitious interview, Ms. Deen describes the valuable lessons gleaned from her past mistakes.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Paula, thank you for speaking with me today.

PAULA DEEN:  It is such a pleasure, Paul. I just love your blog – especially your fake news stories.

POE:  Thank you.  Paula, it wasn’t so long ago that you were revealed to be a racist, especially in your attitudes about black people.

DEEN:  That’s true, Paul.  But in the days since my shocking statements I’ve had the chance to meet many, many black people from all over this great country and learn about them.  I’ve learned a lot.

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paula deen

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POE:  What would you say is the most important thing you’ve learned?

DEEN:  I’ve learned that niggers sure can hold a grudge.

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georgia-republicans-more-likely-to-approve-of-paula-deen-than-martin-luther-king

WHAT IS THE ONE THING WORSE THAN A RACIST?

Posted in American Decline, Bigotry in America, Crazy People, Dogs, Early-onset dementia, GOP, Headline, Headlines, News, Occupy Mordor, Politics, Stupid People, The Wrath of God, USA! USA! USA! on February 22, 2014 by paulboylan

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A stupid racist.

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Dallas News

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tednugent copy

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DISAPPOINTED WITH THE SYDNEY MORNING HERALD

Posted in amusant, And now the snorting starts, Artists Rights, Australia, Captain America, fairness, Geopolitical Insults, greannmhar, kluchtig, lächerlich, Paying Attention, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, Rage Against the Machine, snaaks, The Great State of Montana!, Travel, USA! USA! USA!, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة on February 16, 2014 by paulboylan

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disgruntled seppo

This is me, disappointed with the Sydney Morning Herald. My disappointment looks a lot like a terrible, preternatural anger, doesn’t it?

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People of Earth, I am deeply disappointed with the Sydney Morning Herald.  Allow me to explain why.

As some of my regular visitors know, I feel a strange affinity for Australia and the exceptional people I’ve met there.

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Brisbane 1

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Brisbane 3

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M and S

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melbourne 5

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Melborune 4

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Sunshine Coast Crowd

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Sourced

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R

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Melbourne 4

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 I have special affection for Sydney.

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Sydney

View from the Rocks

Ouside the Sydney Opera House

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View from the Rathouse

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Hot sell the good taste

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stunning dycotomy

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Warrior Princesses

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You can imagine my delight when I received this email invitation:

Herald Invite

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The Herald explained what they wanted as follows:

The Sydney Morning Herald is challenging you to help us tackle the prevalence of alcohol-related violence and anti-social behavior in Sydney.

Put your ideas to work and create a 30 second video ad or an A4 poster for our Safer Sydney campaign. Your ad should speak to those heading out for the night, especially young men. The winning entry will receive $2,500 as well as being featured across The Sydney Morning Herald newspaper, online and tablet editions.

How could I resist such an invitation?  I myself am guilty of perpetrating alcohol-related anti-social behavior with the very worst hooligans and yobbos Sydney has to offer.

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Sydney Hooligans

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Sydney Yobbos

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The worst of the lot

So I was delighted to have received a request from the Sydney Morning Herald to use my many creative talents to help the good people of Sydney to improve their quality of life.  I snapped into action and put this poster together:

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Stay Classy, Sydney

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I felt fairly pleased with my effort.  It was pithy and to the point. It directly spoke to those headed out for the night, especially young men – who are always primarily interested in impressing the ladies with the hope of persuading them to engage in sexual congress.  I felt my poster was a sure fire winner.

Then I read the contest rules:

TERMS AND CONDITIONS

General Terms
1. Information on how to enter forms part of the terms of entry. Entry into the competition is deemed acceptance of these terms and conditions by the entrant (referred to as entrant or you in these terms and conditions).

2. The Promotion is a game of skill, and chance plays no part in determining the winners.

3. Entry is open to residents of Australia only.

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WTF???

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