Kim Jong Il – the absolute ruler of North Korea – the last Stalinist regime – is dead. North Korean news sources are presenting competing stories about his death.
Some say he was killed saving orphans from shoe factories in South Korea. Others say he died fighting off alien invaders bent on enslaving the North Korean people. Still others say he passed away peacefully in his sleep after saving orphans enslaved to work in shoe factories owned by capitalist western alien invaders.
Whatever the cause, Kim Jong Il is dead, and I will always remember him as a guy who liked to clown around.
“One of these things is not like the other…”
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When Kim smiled, his generals smiled with him, or else they faced execution.
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- From Kim’s short-lived television variety show “Wassup Korea?”
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- Kim made his troops do this. I bet he laughed and laughed.
Kim Jong Il will be remembered for being a dictator who really appreciated a woman in uniform, and due to that appreciation, he always made sure lots and lots of women in uniforms he himself designed were around him.
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In addition to his apparent fetish for leggy women in military attire, Kim Jong Il was also a guy with eclectic interests.
Kim was fascinated with soap.
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He just loved stopping to take the time to read the label on a soy sauce bottle.
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Kim may have been the ruthless despotic leader of a Stalinist kleptocracy, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a keen appreciation for cafeteria food.
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Kim often stood staring at corn for hours while his entourage patiently waited for him to come out of his corn induced trance.
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The following photo reveals the very soul of Kim Jong Il.
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Kim dreamed of a bright future where North Korea would lead he world in the production of the very weirdest blow up sex dolls.
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And, finally, Kim will be remembered as a man obsessed with making the perfect salad.
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We will miss Kim Jon Il, and will remember him as a spectacular human zero.
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