Archive for the космическая девушка Category

THERE IS A REASON WHY GEORGE BUSH PAINTS HIMSELF IN THE NUDE

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Artists Rights, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, Captain America, closeted gay Republican misogynists, космическая девушка, Fashion Forward, gülen yüz, GOP, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, 재미, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα, lächerlich, love, Money and Power, News, neşeli, скарлетт йоханссон, смешной, Politics, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, The Great State of Montana!, The Wrath of Khan, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, مصارعه, مضحك, مضحکہ خیز, 滑稽, טילים, מצחיק, פיצה, بشار الاسد, خنده, خنده دار, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة on February 12, 2013 by paulboylan

aasmokie

So I am sitting on the couch in my family room watching my son watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, when I comment on the recent news articles revealing that former POTUS George Herbert Walker Bush is an accomplished painter with a penchant for painting himself in the nude.

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Opening Of New U.S. Embassy

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“You mean he stood there looking at himself in a mirror?” My son asked.

“Yes, I suppose he did,” I responded.

After a short silence my son opined:

“Well, that makes sense.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Okay, let’s say you are a former conservative Republican President who likes to paint nudes,” my son says.

“Okay,” I respond. “let’s say that.”

“Well, then your possibilities are limited,” my son concludes.

“How so?” I ask.

“Have you seen Barbara Bush?” my son asks.

“His wife?”

“Yes.”

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Barbara-Bush

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“Oh,” I said, granting the point.

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UPDATE:

I found out later that it is was recently revealed that it is George Bush the Younger (the one who started two long wars but didn’t pay for them and very nearly brought down the global economy), not George Bush the Elder (the one who scoffed at his critics’ complaints that he lacked foresight by referring to it as “that vision thing”) who painted and presumably still paints himself nude.

I didn’t inform my son of my error.  I value any exercise in critical thinking and, based on even invalid data his conclusion was admirable.

And it is very likely that the younger Bush paints himself nude because his daddy did it, too, and the younger Bush is competing with him artistically.

The following photo is of a painting obtained by hackers of the younger Bush’s painting efforts. It is a bit creepy because it is clearly derived from a photograph, which means George has a collaborator who takes pictures of him in the nude:

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The elder Bush was a better president (he fought Gulf War I, neutralized Saddam Hussein without creating a quagmire the US could not exit from).  The odds are the elder Bush is a better painter.

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IT IS ALL OVER FOR OBAMA

Posted in American Decline, amusant, And now the snorting starts, buffo, dada, космическая девушка, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, gülen yüz, I am Shiva - the Destroyer of Worlds, I think you are a social parasite but I want you to vote for me anyway, 스타게이트유니버스, 재미, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, neşeli, скарлетт йоханссон, смешной, Politics, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, مصارعه, مضحك, مضحکہ خیز, Viva Mitt!!, 滑稽, טילים, מצחיק, פיצה, خنده, خنده دار, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة on October 12, 2012 by paulboylan

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An entire demographic of Obama supporters has switch its allegiance – and their votes.

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HEADLINE – ROMNEY PANDERS TO MAINLAND CHINESE FOR CAMPAIGN CASH

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, buffo, Captain America, Cowboys and Aliens, disembodied heads of the rich and famous, космическая девушка, gülen yüz, Geopolitical Insults, good guys and bad guys, GOP, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, health care, I think you are a social parasite but I want you to vote for me anyway, 스타게이트유니버스, 재미, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, Mad Men, Money and Power, News, neşeli, скарлетт йоханссон, Occupy Mordor, photograph, Photography, Politics, Right Wing, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, Travel, مصارعه, Viva Mitt!!, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, Wilhelm Reich, טילים, פיצה, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة with tags , , , , , , , on September 27, 2012 by paulboylan

MUNCIE – After declaring China the “main enemy” of the United States and promising to start a trade war if elected, Mitt Romney announced plans to ask  Chinese nationals to contribute money to his campaign.

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“I don’t see anything inconsistent or hypocritical about this at all,” Romney said as he attempted to open a window in his private jet flying to Hong Kong to attend a fund raising dinner. “Darned thing is broken,” Romney complained when he failed to find a handle to “roll down” the jet window.

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“When Mitt was in charge of Bain Capital, he oversaw the export of thousands and thousands of American jobs to China,” said Romney Spokesman Trip Whiteman. “The least they can do is toss some cash at him in repayment,” Whiteman added.

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“I love the Chinese,” Romney said. “They are all the right height.  And their workers are grateful for their jobs, they don’t have health insurance, it is very, very difficult to escape poverty, and they like me – which is what I want for America,” Romney concluded.

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He has a vision.

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CREATURE TAILS?

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Celebrity, dada, космическая девушка, Internet Fun!, Mysterious Mysteries, Our animal friends, photograph, Photography, Pop Culture, Scarlett Johansson naked, The Matrix, The Wilhelm Scream, totally creepy, Weird Stuff, What are you sick or something?, Why do people in other countries talk funny? on August 10, 2012 by paulboylan

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On Wednesday my blog traffic shot up suddenly.  I looked into it and found out that hundreds of thousands of people found this blog via the following search term:

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CREATURE TAILS

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Can anyone explain this?  Is there some weird sexual fetish trending out there that I am unaware of?

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AWFUL FORTUNE

Posted in amusant, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, buffo, космическая девушка, Food, greannmhar, Is that really Ellie Goulding?, 재미, αστείος, kluchtig, lächerlich, скарлетт йоханссон, Paying Attention, photograph, Photography, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, مضحکہ خیز, 滑稽, מצחיק, خنده, خنده دار, سكارليت جوهانسون on May 5, 2012 by paulboylan

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I don’t know about you, but I expect a little more from my fortune cookies.

For example:

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PROOF DOGS CAN READ

Posted in amusant, And now the snorting starts, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, buffo, Dogs, космическая девушка, Food, gülen yüz, greannmhar, Hapax Legomenon, 재미, αστείος, neşeli, скарлетт йоханссон, смешной, Our animal friends, Paying Attention, photograph, Photography, Small Town America, snaaks, مضحك, مضحکہ خیز, 滑稽, خنده, خنده دار on May 1, 2012 by paulboylan

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Who has two thumbs and wants to free Syria?

Posted in amusant, Arab Spring, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, Barry Goldwater, buffo, космическая девушка, gülen yüz, good guys and bad guys, greannmhar, 스타게이트유니버스, 재미, kluchtig, lächerlich, Libya, neşeli, скарлетт йоханссон, photograph, Photography, Politics, Rage Against the Machine, Scarlett Johansson naked, snaaks, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, 滑稽, מצחיק, الجامعة العربية, بشار الاسد, خنده, خنده دار, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة on April 19, 2012 by paulboylan

This guy.

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Click on photo to enlarge. This guy is really intent on freeing Syria.

Meet My Oldest and Youngest Sisters

Posted in космическая девушка, Family and Friends, Film, Grim Fairy Tales, Movies, music, Photography, Pop Culture on January 29, 2012 by paulboylan

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My father married three times.

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He producing three sons, of which I am the second, and five daughters. I recently realized that my oldest sister shares inexplicable similarities to my youngest sister.

My oldest sister is Marea. We share a mother and a father.

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As is apparent, Marea is in love with the American culture exemplified in the 1890′s through the 1920′s.  Her passion for that era extends, in particular, to its music.  I personally am amazed that Marea has found a variety of fora to express her appreciation through performance in front of audiences of people equally passionate about such an esoteric historical period.  Here is an example:

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Jump ahead a generation to the results of my father’s third, and most lasting, marriage.  This is my youngest sister, Eileen.

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Like her oldest sister, Eileen has embraced the theatrical.  She is actually a fairly accomplished actress, which you can see byhclicking here/or by watching this film preview:

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I am very proud of all my sisters, but Eileen possesses a talent that excites me more than any other: she is a talented graphic artist and there is a possibility she will collaborate with me to illustrate one of my Grim Fairy Tales entitled The Vulture Who Thought He Was a Person.

Stay tuned.

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THE SECRET TO MY EXTREMELY SUCCESSFUL AND HAPPY MARRIAGE

Posted in おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, buffo, космическая девушка, пицца, Early Elizabethan Knock-Knock Jokes, gülen yüz, German Reformation Knock-Knock Jokes (1520-1553), greannmhar, Humor, 재미, αστείος, kluchtig, lächerlich, Lord of the Rings Knock-Knock Jokes, love, morbidly obese homosexual tax cheats, neşeli, смешной, Pre Columbian Knock-Knock Jokes, snaaks, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, 滑稽, מצחיק, خنده on January 26, 2012 by paulboylan

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Sex?  Sex is overrated.  Good sex is not the key to a successful and happy marriage.

Don’t get me wrong – sex is great.  Good sex is even better. And it is key.  But, in all honesty, by itself, it isn’t enough. I know plenty of guys great in bed who ended up alone.

The secret to my incredibly successful and happy marriage is the simple fact that, at least once a day, I make my wife laugh.

I don’t even pretend to understand it.  But, for some incredibly fucking mysterious reason, the tides of time and evolution have programmed women to want to be with men who make them laugh.

I think it has something to do with demonstrating that you “care.”  I don’t know what that means. Seriously.  I am, at rock bottom, an average guy. I have no idea what women want or need, especially when it comes to “caring” – which seems so important to women, but is so alien to men.

But, in order to make a woman laugh, you have to really, really, understand her. You have to know exactly those aspects of her personality and psyche that trigger a belly laugh. Preferably an uncontrollable belly laugh.  Yes. That is the best.  When your woman experiences an uncontrollable belly laugh that you engendered it is an amazing event, a magical moment, and it ends with love light shining out of her eyes.

And to be able to do that, a man must truly understand his woman. And, perhaps, that demonstrates the “caring” women seem to crave.

Whatever. Tonight I am waiting for the exactly perfect time, the perfect moment when something I say results in my wife, the love of my life, involuntarily laughing, with – if God is with me – champagne shooting out of her nose.

Verweile doch; du bist so schön. So, so schön.

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WANT TO SEE SOMETHING COOL?

Posted in Art, космическая девушка, gülen yüz, ανόητο άτομα on January 19, 2012 by paulboylan

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For everyone who’s been bullied in school.

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Mummy they called me names

They wouldn’t let me play

I’d run home, sit and cry almost everyday

“Hey Jessica, you look like an alien

With green skin you don’t fit in this playpen”

Oh they pulled my hair

They took away my chair

I’d keep it in and pretend that I didn’t care

“Hey Jessica, you’re so funny

You’ve got teeth just like Bugs Bunny”

Oh, so you think you know me now

Have you forgotten how

You would make me feel

When you dragged my spirit down?

But thank you for the pain

It made me raise my game

And I’m still rising, I’m still rising!

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Perhaps the American Film Institute is trying to make a subtle point.

Posted in And now the snorting starts, космическая девушка, Embarrassing Butt-Shots, gülen yüz, Getting it Right, Internet Fun!, 스타게이트유니버스, ученые, Paying Attention, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, The Wrath of Khan, سياسة on January 14, 2012 by paulboylan

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Please read highlighted text.

Click on image to expand for easier reading.

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WEBSITE OF THE WEEK – Goths in Trees

Posted in And now the snorting starts, космическая девушка, Fashion Forward, Get a job, Internet Fun!, Is that really Ellie Goulding?, Isnt nature wonderful?, 스타게이트유니버스, Justin Bieber, Our animal friends, photograph, Photography, Pycho-Social Trauma, Religion and Politics, Stupid People, The Great State of Montana!, urinary tract infections, Website of the Week, Weird Stuff, What are you sick or something?, טילים on January 4, 2012 by paulboylan

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I don’t have the words to go beyond what you will see and read when you click on the following link:

http://gothsuptrees.tumblr.com/ 

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A Grim Fairy Tale – BOXING DAY

Posted in And now the snorting starts, boxing day, Cowboys and Aliens, Crime and Punishment, космическая девушка, Fashion Forward, fetish, Grim Fairy Tales, Horrible Coincidences, Isnt nature wonderful?, It's not what you think, 스타게이트유니버스, love, Missile Defense, ученые, photograph, Photography, Pop Culture, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, Pycho-Social Trauma, rimshot wav download, Romance Language Knock-Knock Jokes, Rotwang, Scarlett Johansson, Small Town America, Sports, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, The Wrath of Khan, Totally Gay Mutual Defense Treaty Organizations, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, مصارعه, Wilhelm Reich, טילים on December 30, 2011 by paulboylan

Hello, children. I am Brother Grim. Would you like to hear a true story?

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BOXING DAY

Once upon a time there was a young woman named Jennifer. Jennifer lived in a place known far and wide as the City of Angels, which Jennifer liked because she considered herself a Born Again Christian, and living in a city of angels was fine by her.

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Jennifer lived with a man named Robert.  They met in church and were married a year later.  The day after their first Christmas together, she found Robert’s secret briefcase hidden in the apartment bedroom closet.

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The briefcase was large, hard shelled and had a combination lock with three numbers on rotating dials set side by side.  It was very heavy. She shook it gently, but didn’t notice any peculiar movement. She had no idea what was in it.

She tried to open it (of course), but it was locked and she could not open it. That is when she realized the brief case belonged to Robert, because she would have remembered buying something that could lock.  

She put the briefcase back where she found it and walked away.

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But the next day she was in the closet again looking at the secret briefcase. She looked closely and noticed that the numbers on the combination had changed. She didn’t know how she knew, but she knew. She memorized the number combination showing – 0-8-7 – and placed the briefcase back in the closet.

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A week later, she checked and saw that the numbers had changed to 4-2-7. This meant that at least twice in as many weeks, Robert had opened the lock, gone into the briefcase, and jumbled the numbers when he relocked it.  So Jennifer began to check the briefcase every day. Every day she tried to open it, just in case Robert forgot to jumble the numbers to set the lock.

One day the briefcase opened.

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Inside, Jennifer found a pair of musty, sweaty boxing gloves, a stack of magazines and some video cassettes. Tucked into one of the organizer pockets inside the briefcase, Jennifer found a bunch of letters from men addressed to Robert at his office.

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Jennifer read the letters and looked through the magazines. She even watched one of the videos. The magazines and videos showed men – and sometimes women – boxing and wrestling.

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Jennifer learned from the letters that Robert would regularly go to the Olympic Gym near Downtown L.A., rent a boxing ring, and box with strange men—rarely the same man twice.

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The Olympic Auditorium then.

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They’d punch and pound and smack each other and then afterwards they would perform unnatural, sinful acts upon themselves as the other watched.  The letters would end with promises that the writer would inflict great bodily harm upon Robert the next time they met at the gym.

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Naturally Jennifer confronted Robert about her awful discovery. She let him come home to find her sitting on their bed with the briefcase open, reading his letters.

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Robert admitted everything—the boxing and the unspeakable, sinful acts. He admitted that he lied to Jennifer – that when he said he was working on weekends he was really meeting strange men at the Olympic Gym.

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Robert admitted lying about playing rugby as a subterfuge to explain the injuries he sustained boxing.

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That night Jennifer slept at her friend’s house and the next day she moved her things out of the apartment she shared with Robert.  She resolved that her marriage with Robert was over because lying, Jennifer knew, is a sin. 

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The Olympic Auditorium now.

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WONDERFUL NEWS!!!

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, космическая девушка, пицца, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, Food, Get a job, Getting it Right, Kim Kardashian, News, ученые, Paying Attention, Photography, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, Small Town America, Stupid People, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, טילים, פיצה on December 20, 2011 by paulboylan

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A Grim Fairy Tale – THE HANDSOME MONSTER

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Barry Goldwater, disembodied heads of the rich and famous, космическая девушка, Evil Smiley Face, Frankenstein, Grim Fairy Tales, health care, Hubris, Isnt nature wonderful?, ανόητο άτομα, Kim Kardashian, Mad Scientists, Monsters, Nichola Tesla, ученые, Scarlett Johansson naked, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, totally creepy, Travel, urinary tract infections, What are you sick or something?, Wilhelm Reich, zombies, טילים, الجامعة العربية on December 17, 2011 by paulboylan

Hello, children. I am Brother Grim. Would you like to hear a story?

Once upon a time, there was a handsome monster.  But he wasn’t born handsome.

He wasn’t born at all.   He was made.  A brilliant young scientist with a fetish for reanimating dead tissue made the monster from bits and pieces of dead people.

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An early attempt.

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 The young scientist did it in a laboratory he built in an abandoned castle in the middle of nowhere.

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He chose the abandoned castle for four reasons. First, the price was right.  The place where the castle was built was experiencing a deep economic depression.

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Years before, the local real estate market was red hot.  People bought castles and then resold them at a profit, over and over again.

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But when this bubble burst, it drove property values lower and lower until, by the time the young scientist was looking for a place to do his experiments, he could buy a castle for next to nothing and, if it was a “fixer-upper” he could buy it for even less.

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"It only needs a little work."

The second reason the young scientist bought the castle was because it was isolated and provided him with privacy.   The young scientist wanted to keep his experiments secret because, at that time, the reanimation of dead tissue upset stupid people much like stem cell research upsets stupid people today.

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Is also afraid of frozen food (not mentioned in the Bible).

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 The third reason the young scientist wanted to experiment with dead tissue in secret was because he found the creation of life distinctly enthralling, and people with socially unacceptable desires prefer privacy when there is any chance their socially unacceptable desires might manifest.

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The obvious benefits of privacy.

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 The fourth reason the young scientist chose that particular location to perform his viscerally unsettling experiments was because the economic conditions that depressed the local real estate market also impoverished a nearby village.  The young scientist was from a wealthy family, and, as a member of the 1%, he knew that poor people embodied four virtues that would advance his interests – poor people lack curiosity, they keep to themselves, they overlook the eccentricities of the rich, and they die in large numbers.

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Poor people are buried on their sides to save space.

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 So the young scientist built his laboratory high inside a castle in the middle of nowhere near a poor village with a busy graveyard.  He built a man, stitched together from bits and pieces of dead people he “borrowed” from the village graveyard and, in time, his experiments bore strange fruit.

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“It’s alive! Alive!!!” the young scientist shouted, filled with a love that dare not speak its name.

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But, as quickly as the thrill coursed through his body, it vanished just as quickly when the young scientist realized that the man he made was incredibly ugly.

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It was a gross miscalculation. Even worse, the young scientist overestimated poverty’s effect on the local populace. They found out about his monster, but they did not shrug it off due to lethargy or indifference.

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The villagers didn’t look the other way as they would have overlooked the excesses of other wealthy people acting badly, such as flamboyant homosexuals, or those who abuse their domestic servants, or those who use political influence to manipulate economic policy to their further enrichment at the poor’s expense and enhanced demise.

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Reanimating dead bodies scavenged from the local cemetery was just too much to overlook and, in response, the local populace organized into a large mob, armed with torches and pitchforks, bent on killing the young scientist and destroying his unholy monster.

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They killed the young scientist, but the monster got away. He wandered  alone, afraid, and friendless.

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Then one day, deep in the forest, the monster stumbled upon a little cabin where lived an old, kindly plastic surgeon (the cabin was a  vacation home).  The old man took the monster in and offered to inject some collagen into his lips.

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At first, the monster refused.

“Needles, bad,” the Monster said. 

But, in time, he learned to trust the old man, signed some consent forms, and submitted to the procedure.

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The result was nothing less than spectacular.  Rounder, fuller lips transformed the monster from ugly into handsome.

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And, in the twinkling of an eye, the monster’s fortunes changed. 

He found an agent.

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He made a sex tape that was “accidentally” released to the internet.

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He was recruited for a new reality television show The Real Monsters of the Enchanted Forest.

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His sudden fits of anger and violence were especially popular with the audience.

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He was a frequent guest on late night chat shows, with interchanges similar to the following:

LENO

I’m told you don’t like fire.

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MONSTER

Fire, bad!

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LENO

I’m also told that you are being considered to play Joey in a remake of the poplar television show Friends.

MONSTER

Friends, good…

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But some things are just not meant to be.  One day when the monster was on tour promoting his new celebrity fragrance Menacing, he was killed by a mob of blind peasants

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(who lost their sight due to malnutrition and lack of basic health care) – which is a powerful sermon on the fragility of modern celebrity.

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HEADLINE – Man With 100 Pound Scrotum Seeks Donations

Posted in And now the snorting starts, dada, космическая девушка, Hapax Legomenon, Headline, Headlines, Isnt nature wonderful?, 스타게이트유니버스, News, Rotwang, The Wilhelm Scream, Weird Stuff, Wilhelm Reich, פיצה, سياسة on December 15, 2011 by paulboylan

Henry Spliff

MUNCIE, Indiana – A man famous for sporting a 100 pound scrotum (45.45 kg) has announced that he will be seeking donations for a wide-variety of charities all related to his environmental concerns.

“I care deeply about the earth on which we all live,” said Henry Spliff from his home in Reno, Nevada. “It is up to us to leave our planet in better shape than we found it.”

Friends of the Earth and the World Wildlife Fund welcome Mr. Spliff’s efforts on their behalf.

Source: http://www.searchtheearth.com/2011/10/18/man-with-100-pound-scrotum-seeks-donations/ 

My Gay Bananahead Nightmare

Posted in dada, космическая девушка, Hapax Legomenon, 스타게이트유니버스, ανόητο άτομα, ученые, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, טילים, פיצה, الجامعة العربية, سياسة on December 11, 2011 by paulboylan

 

I saw this, and can’t get it out of my head.  I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen anything so horrible.

 

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HEADLINE – Romney debate gaff threatens candidacy

Posted in American Decline, Brave New World, disembodied heads of the rich and famous, космическая девушка, Embarrassing Butt-Shots, Headline, Headlines, 스타게이트유니버스, Money and Power, Mordor, News, Politics, presidential candidate, Racism in America, Religion and Politics, Small Town America, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, The Wrath of Khan, USA! USA! USA!, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, zombies, טילים, سياسة on December 11, 2011 by paulboylan

DES MOINES, Iowa –  In the latest republican candidate debate, Mitt Romney made a statement that now threatens to derail his presidential campaign.

“People of Iowa,” Romney said, “Black people – you hate them, I hate them.”

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“What did he say?” debate moderator Diane Sawyer asked George Stephanopoulos.

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“I think he said he hates black people,” Stephanopoulos responded.

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Romney campaign officials were quick to correct any misinterpretation of Romney’s statement.

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“What Mitt meant to say is that President Obama is responsible for our nation’s economic problems and that Mitt, as a businessman, is best suited to solve those problems,” said Biff Hendric, Romney’s Iowa public relations director.

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Biff Hendric

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“That’s not what I heard him say,” said  Sawyer.

“Yeah, well, I’ll bet you $10,000 that that’s what he meant,” Hendric challenged.

Other Romney spokespersons emphasized that Romney would be spending substantial time and financial resources to campaign in “the great white state of Iowa” in his quest to “keep America American,” a phrase used by the Ku Klux Klan and the anti-immigrant party known as the “Know-nothings.”

Bend over, America!

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Source: http://nomoremister.blogspot.com/2011/12/romney-using-kkk-slogan-steve-benen.html

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HEADLINE – Russia Elevates Warning About U.S. Missile Defense Shield Plan

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Barry Goldwater, Battlestar Galactica, Common Enemy, космическая девушка, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, Europe, good guys and bad guys, Headline, Headlines, 스타게이트유니버스, Medvedev, Missile Defense, News, ученые, Paying Attention, Research and Development, Russia, The Great State of Montana!, The Red Skull, Totally Gay Mutual Defense Treaty Organizations, USA! USA! USA!, Why do people in other countries talk funny? on November 23, 2011 by paulboylan

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MOSCOW — Russia will deploy its own missiles if the United States moves forward with its plans for a missile-defense system in Europe, President Dmitri A. Medvedev warned on Wednesday.

“If you set up a system designed to shoot down missiles, we will target our missiles at those bases,” Mr. Medvedev said.

“We realize your system will shoot down our missiles, but that’s all we’ve got,” Medvedev added.

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Declaration of Sentiments and Resolutions – and Ray Gun Girls

Posted in 3D, Antique surgical instruments, Art, Astronomy, Avatar, Barry Goldwater, Battlestar Galactica, Brave New World, Cinema, dada, Droit de Suite, Droit Moral, космическая девушка, космическая девушка space girl, Fair Use, Family and Friends, Fire and Ice, Free Utilization Doctrine, French Impressionistic Knock-Knock Jokes, Fritz Lang, German Reformation Knock-Knock Jokes (1520-1553), Globalization, Hapax Legomenon, Harvey Eisner, Isnt nature wonderful?, It's not what you think, Joseph Bleckman, Life, Mad Men, morbidly obese French revolutionary philosophers, morbidly obese gymnasts, morbidly obese homosexual tax cheats, Nichola Tesla, Paying Attention, Photography, Pop Culture, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, Research and Development, Review, Romance Language Knock-Knock Jokes, Rotwang, Science, Science Fiction, Space, Space Chicks, Stargate Universe, Steampunk, Stoats, Sumerian Knock-Knock Jokes, Tasmanian Devil, Tasmanian Jesus, Television, The Big Lebowski, The Matrix, The River of Time, The Wilhelm Scream, TV, Uncategorized, USA! USA! USA!, Weird Stuff, What are you sick or something?, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, Wilhelm Reich on March 11, 2011 by paulboylan


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By now you know I kind of dig Space Chicks.

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In addition to writing substantively on the historical, sociological and geopolitical aspects of Space Chicks, my purely scholarly passion led me to become the worlds leading authority on subject.

Professor Boylan presenting a paper on Space Chicks at the University of Johannesburg, South Africa, in 2006

When I first determined the importance of Space Chicks as a pop culture phenomenon,  I soon observed that there is an important Space Chick subset that is best described as “Ray Gun Girls.”  Simply put, a Ray Gun Girl is a girl often, but not always, wearing a space suit in close proximity to a ray gun, often, but not always holding the ray gun.

Like Space Chicks in general, Ray Gun Girls first appeared on the cover of pulp magazines.

And when Space Chicks migrated from pulp novel covers to film and television, Ray Gun Girls began showing up there, too.

In all honesty, most Ray Gun Girl images are fetish driven manifestations of arrested male adolescent wish fulfillment, amounting to little more than soft core pornography.

However, as the years went by science fiction matured, and Space Chick images began to include strong, capable women who were fully realized heroic figures as complex and detailed as any male hero. As this happened, the images of Ray Gun Girls also evolved into something more serious and less sexist.


To me, the entire phenomenon is really quite fascinating. I don’t have the time or inclination to explore in this blog why there is such a driving interest to depict women holding ray guns.  The psycho-sexual implications alone would fill more space than I have to work with here. However, it is worth noting that the Ray Gun Girl concept is distancing itself from sex object utility and is increasingly being seen as a sign of feminist empowerment.


I’m taking the time here to provide you with the opportunity to judge for yourself.  Below is a gallery of Ray Gun Girl drawings and photos representing only what I was able to download in a few minutes before I gave up and went on to more serious business.  Nevertheless, this incomplete sample is the most comprehensive collection of Ray Gun Girl pics anywhere on or off the internet.

I present them in the order my computer imposed due to file title.

[If you don't see any gallery below, then you need to go back up to the top and click on the link entitled something like "The Ultimate Ray Gun Girl Gallery."

I take no responsibility for any offense that may result from anyone accessing and scrutinizing any of the photos in that gallery.]

The Ultimate Ray Gun Girl Gallery

Posted in Art, Cinema, космическая девушка, Paying Attention, Photography, Pop Culture, Science Fiction, Space, Space Chicks, Sports, Television, Wilhelm Reich with tags , , , on March 11, 2011 by paulboylan

To access an image, click on it. When it comes up, click on it again to see it in its full size.

DID I MENTION I DIG SPACE CHICKS?

Posted in 3D, Art, Astronomy, Avatar, Battlestar Galactica, Brave New World, Cinema, космическая девушка, космическая девушка space girl, Family and Friends, Fiction, Fire and Ice, Getting it Right, Hapax Legomenon, Joseph Bleckman, Life, Mad Men, Mad Scientists, Nichola Tesla, Photography, Politics, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Review, Science, Science Fiction, Space, Space Chicks, Stargate Universe, Steampunk, Television, The Wilhelm Scream, Travel, TV, Uncategorized, Wilhelm Reich on July 4, 2010 by paulboylan

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Of course I have. Over and over again. Since I came to this place I have freely expressed my appreciation for space chicks.  I have written scholarly critiques of new media, expressing dissatisfaction with this television program or that new film because the program or film didn’t have enough space chicks. Conversely, I have expressed my approval when a program or film featured the proper quantity of quality Space Chicks.

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But what, academically speaking, is a Space Chick?  Is it merely a woman in space?

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The first woman in space.

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Clearly not. The media has depicted many women in space, not all of whom can be properly classified as Space Chicks.  And, where life has imitated art, only one female astronaut can be properly considered a Space Chick.

Allow me to elaborate, elucidate, pontificate and fabricate (but just a little):

As I’ve discussed earlier in this blog, pulp magazines acted as the vehicle through which science fiction entered popular culture.  These pulp magazines – published from the 1920’s through the 1950’s – embodied the motto “sex sells” and so habitually featured women on their covers.  For example:

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1919

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1929

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1933

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1936

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1942

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1949

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1950

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With this marketing heritage it was only natural that pulp science fiction magazines would feature, as often as possible, images of women, often scantily clad.

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A Space Chick who apparently likes lollipops.

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These were the original Space Chicks – objects of amorphous adolescent male fantasy.  And, as objects of early 20th Century amorphous adolescent male fantasy, these space chicks often needed rescuing from monsters.

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Film, and eventually television, adopted the pulp magazine formula and expanded upon it. In the same way that producers began insisting that any science fiction project include aliens, they also insisted that Space Chicks be part of whatever awful film or television show they were going to finance.

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But something happened that differentiated Space Chicks from their non science fiction counterparts. Space chicks were often depicted doing more than simply needing rescue and being more than merely sexy.  The Women of Tomorrow were shown to be, not just desirable, but also fast, strong, smart, capable and brave as any man.

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Cinema and television imitated the pulp formula and began depicting Space Chicks that were not just sex objects, but also intelligent, confident and professionally accomplished -little realizing that they were part of a social and political revolution.

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When humans actually began poking a tentative finger into outer space, life imitated art.  The Russians were the first to put a woman into space.  Long before they did, they tried to let their people, and the world, know what to expect.

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Make no mistake: this is a Space Chick.  We can’t see the rest of her, and her space suit is undoubtedly too bulky to determine the attractiveness of her physical charms, but her mascara, eye shadow, false eyelashes and lipstick tells us that she is ready for action.

Reality did not meet this expectation.  The actual first woman in space looked like this.

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There is a rumor that persists to this day that she was really a man in a wig.

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In any event, she was no space chick.  The United States did better, but none of the women NASA put into space can be characterized as Space Chicks. Even zero gravity – which one would think, like beer, would make women more attractive – tends to make things worse.

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Lesbians seem to adore this photo. I have no idea why.

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There is one exception – Mae Jemison:

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She is more than pretty.  She is a medical doctor. She is strong, smart, capable and brave enough to ride in the space shuttle – a crapshoot against disaster every time its engines ignite. But even more important for the purposes of this essay, her cuteness survives zero gravity. Click on the following link to see what I am talking about.

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Mae Jemison

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That isn’t just a picture. It is a pose. But that isn’t what makes Dr. Jemison a Space Chick.  What makes her a bona fide Space Chick is that, after actually going into space, she appeared as a minor characer on Star Trek!!!

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Dr. Mae Jemision is the only women who is a media space chick AND a real world Space Chick!

How cool is that?

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OKAY, SO I WAS WRONG ABOUT STARGATE UNIVERSE

Posted in Art, Battlestar Galactica, Brave New World, Cinema, космическая девушка, Fiction, Getting it Right, Joseph Bleckman, Op Ed, Pop Culture, Review, Space Chicks, Stargate Universe, Television, TV, Uncategorized on May 8, 2010 by paulboylan

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I just watched the latest episode of Stargate Universe, entitled “Sabotage.” If you haven’t seen it, you must. It was one of the finest pieces of science fiction I’ve ever seen.

My personal relationship with art is centered in recognizing balance.  In my view, all art embodies at least two kinds of balance: the first is the balance of the genre it is part of; the second is the balance unique to the particular work itself.

In general, the evolution of science fiction as an art form has been a struggle to achieve artistic balance.  The early science fiction of Jules Vern and H.G. Wells was beautifully balanced, partly because Vern and Wells were not science fiction writers. They were authors who used science fiction as a story-telling delivery mechanism.  It was the story that was important to these writers; science fiction provided the structure to tell those stories.

These early science fiction stories also benefited from the fact that so few people could read and write. Those who could were automatically better educated and cultured than those who could not and, consequently, Vern, Wells and those like them were part of a “high art” literary tradition.

Such status was short-lived. Industrial societies depended on mass education that included reading and writing, which became common even among the uneducated and uncultured.  And it was these great unwashed masses that began both writing and reading science fiction.  Through pulp magazines, Sci Fi moved from high culture to popular culture.

And what a load of crap gushed forth – garbage written by amateur hacks with no story sense and poor vocabularies, using science fiction as a means of adolescent male masturbatory  wish fulfillment that really couldn’t get very far past rocketing off to a place they might encounter space chicks needing rescue from bug eyed monsters.

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In other words, this pulp rubbish lacked artistic balance and focus.  If “ray guns are cool” is the reason a story is written, and if the writer lacks the talent, skill and educational foundation to reach beyond their fingertips, then the story is going to suck.

I believe that has changed.  Kim Stanley Robinson and John Birmingham are proof that SF has changed for the better.

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Robinson and Birmingham are serious artists who, like Vern and Wells, use science fiction frameworks to tell stories that resonate beyond mere fantasy escapist wish fulfillment. Their work is artistically balanced in the same way any good novel worth reading and remembering achieves artistic balance.

Science Fiction cinema followed the same progression from early greatness  - e.g., Fritz Lang’s early silent work -

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From Metropolis


to adlolescent escapism – e.g., the Flash Gordon serials -

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to artistically balanced, nuanced good works that are cinema first and science fiction second – e.g., 2001, Alien and 12 Monkeys.

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The same is true for science fiction television – from high art of the Twilight Zone –

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to the idiocy of the Adventures of Buck Rodgers -

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to the retooled, reimagined excellence of Battlestar Galactica.

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This new video excellence was only possible because the popular audience is older and smarter, and cable television makes it possible to reach a smaller, smarter audience and still be profitable.  Battlestar Galactica was not just an artistic success – it was a commercial success.

And nothing succeeds like success. All commercial successes spawn imitations. Those behind Stargate Universe want to repeat, if not exceed, the BSG‘s commercial success and they concluded the way to do it is to imitate BSG‘s artistic success – i.e., focusing on story, plot and character and complex themes that resonate emotionally and intellectually.

Which created a different balance problem: too much focus on story, plot, character and complex themes is just as bad as too little.

Stargate Universe‘s first season suffered from this imbalance, resulting in slow, ponderous, boring television.  For me this imbalance was so annoying that I actually watched the show only because I was hoping to witness some of the more boring characters die and the slowest, most ponderous story lines end.

Which is why this last episode so delighted me. It is a demonstration of perfect balance between plot, character, theme, special effects and action. It isn’t boring in the slightest and when it was over I wanted more and cannot wait to see the next episode.

I so hope this isn’t an aberration. I so hope this is a sign the series as finally found its voice.

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SNEAK PEEK: JAMES CAMERON’S AVATAR

Posted in Astronomy, Avatar, Cinema, космическая девушка, Pop Culture, Review, Rotwang, Scarlett Johansson naked, Science Fiction, Space Chicks, טילים on December 5, 2009 by paulboylan

PEOPLE OF EARTH has been granted a preview of James Cameron’s new film Avatar, the first block buster, high budget studio film shot in 3D.

James Cameron

Cameron’s prior films –  including Terminator, Aliens, the Abyss and True Lies – have been some of the biggest money making movies in cinematic history.  His prior film, Titanic, remains the largest grossing film of all time, earning a mind-boggling $2.8 billion.

Made a lot of money.

POE was offered a sneak preview of Avatar on the condition that no “spoilers” were provided to POE’s readers.  So I won’t be describing the film’s plot or revealing the surprise Hollywood dance routine ending, so I will restrict my review to one subject:

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Space Chicks, man!  This movie is all about Space Chicks!

Alien Space Chicks with tails!

So, go for the 3D.  Stay for the Space Chicks.

And for you ladies out there who, perhaps, are not as interested in Space Chicks, this film – like so many of Cameron’s prior films – is all about relationships – which makes it a chick flick.

A chick flick with Space Chicks!  What on earth could be better?


Space Chicks Speaking German

Posted in Brave New World, космическая девушка, космическая девушка space girl, German Reformation Knock-Knock Jokes (1520-1553), Is that really Ellie Goulding?, 스타게이트유니버스, ανόητο άτομα, Space Chicks, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, טילים on November 18, 2009 by paulboylan

It’s hypnotic….

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