(FURTHER) CONFESSIONS OF A DISGRUNTLED REPUBLICAN

And you kids – get your dog off my lawn!.

I know I am shouting my dissatisfaction in the political wilderness.  Explaining (again) why I am so unhappy with the GOP isn’t going to provide me with a better Republican choice for president in the 2012 general election.

But I am going to do it anyway.

When McCain lost to Obama, I saw it, not as a defeat, but as a victory for conservative moderates.  McCain lost his bid to become president because he kissed the ass of the Right Wing lunatic fringe and selected Sarah Palin as his running mate.  He picked Sarah Palin to appease the vocal lunatic fringe on the right who refused to support McCain picked an inexperienced, intellectually challenged demagogic ideologue that fit into their sick and twisted world view, rejected education and science, and gave lip service to their false Christian values.

Moderate conservatives like me – the former bedrock of the Republican Party – looked at Palin, read the notes she wrote on her hand to prepare for a debate, evaluated the odds of McCain’s poor health failing him under the pressure of the presidency – leaving Palin as President – and reluctantly decided to vote for Obama.  Any chance of Palin becoming President because McCain died in office was simply unthinkable and too horrible to contemplate.

It was our votes that made Obama president.  We did so hoping for two things: we hoped that McCain’s loss would prompt the GOP to reform itself, shrug off the right wing lunatic fringe like a dog shakes off a bad case of fleas, and provide the American people with a viable presidential and vice presidential candidate for 2012 that reflected the traditional Republican values of integrity and honesty.

That didn’t happen.  Instead of rejecting the lunacy that caused McCain to pick Palin,  the lunatic fringe was allowed to virtually take over the GOP, while the very flawed GOP primary system gave us Mitt Romney as the best of an awful field of candidates (Newt Gringrich?  Michelle Bachmann?  Rick Perry?  Herman Cane???).  And Romney won because he outspent his moronic opponents and for no other reason.

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[Romney's choice of Paul Ryan as running mate seemed, at first, to be a positive event.  Sure, it was done for the same reason McCain picked Palin - i.e., to kiss up to the GOP's lunatic fringe - but he wasn't stupid like Palin was, and that was a big difference.

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But it didn't matter.  Within the first few weeks of his being chosen as Romney's VP, Ryan revealed himself to be something of an idiot, and a dishonest one, too.  He was transformed from thoughtful young conservative to brain dead attack dog.]

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So the GOP has given me the choice of voting for Romney or allowing 4 more years of Obama.

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My problem is that I really, really don’t like Romney.  His primary strategy for winning against Obama tells us everything we need to know what kind of man he is and what kind of President he will be.  His strategy is based on cheating, deception and outright lies.

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He is blaming our current economic mess on Obama.  But every thinking American – or at least those with any kind of long term memory – knows that Obama inherited a mess so big that it almost took out the whole world.

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George W. Bush is not solely responsible for the crisis that happened during his second term.  The conditions that caused the disaster we are still deep within are the result of policies and inaction stretching back to the 1970′s.  But Bush’s decisions to cut taxes for the rich, to create brand new expensive unfunded entitlements for seniors, to pay for two wars with borrowed money and to do nothing to resolve the growing real estate and derivative bubbles – despite ample warning – were the straws that broke the world’s economic back.

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The point is that Romney’s attempt to criticize Obama’s failure to solve in four years what took over 40 years to happen is disingenuous and misleading.

Romney compounds this problem by avoiding talking about what he plans on doing to fix the problem that Obama didn’t or couldn’t.  And there is good reason for this: Romney plans on doing exactly what Bush did – the very tax, spending and regulation cutting policies that brought the crisis to full flower in the first place.

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If Romney succeeds in implementing his plans, he himself will save hundreds of thousands of dollars on his taxes – which are ridiculously low to begin with. And I don’t like that. 

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Romney is pinning his hopes for success on GOP state voter suppression efforts.  He is hoping that enough people who ordinarily vote for Obama won’t be allowed to vote because the republican controlled legislatures in swing states have passed laws making it more difficult for minorities and the poor to vote.

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This is victory through trickery, not through the battle of ideas.  It stinks and I don’t like it.

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I really hate Romney waffling all the time.  He will change his position any time he feels doing it will win him a few votes.

For example, throughout this election Romney has stated that on “day one” of his presidency he will repeal Obamacare. Period.  But it turns out Obamacare is popular. So Romney just announced that he won’t repeal all of Obamacare, just those parts he doesn’t like.  Then he had the audacity to claim that his obvious shift isn’t a change in his original position.  He thinks the American people are morons.

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But worst of all, Romney is willing to lie to win.  I won’t bore you with all the lies he has said, all of the deceptive statements obviously designed to mislead people into believing things that aren’t true.  I will give you only the most recent example.  A few hours ago from when I wrote these words, the American Ambassador to Lybia and three of his staff were murdered by a crowd upset with an American produced video insulting Islam (I’ve seen it; it is pretty horrible. It doesn’t excuse murder, but the film is really over the top insulting. People would riot if the same kind of movie was made about Jesus and Christianity).  In response to these murders, President Obama said:

I strongly condemn the outrageous attack on our diplomatic facility in Benghazi, which took the lives of four Americans, including Ambassador Chris Stevens. Right now, the American people have the families of those we lost in our thoughts and prayers. They exemplified America’s commitment to freedom, justice, and partnership with nations and people around the globe, and stand in stark contrast to those who callously took their lives.

I have directed my Administration to provide all necessary resources to support the security of our personnel in Libya, and to increase security at our diplomatic posts around the globe. While the United States rejects efforts to denigrate the religious beliefs of others, we must all unequivocally oppose the kind of senseless violence that took the lives of these public servants.

On a personal note, Chris was a courageous and exemplary representative of the United States. Throughout the Libyan revolution, he selflessly served our country and the Libyan people at our mission in Benghazi. As Ambassador in Tripoli, he has supported Libya’s transition to democracy. His legacy will endure wherever human beings reach for liberty and justice. I am profoundly grateful for his service to my Administration, and deeply saddened by this loss.

The brave Americans we lost represent the extraordinary service and sacrifices that our civilians make every day around the globe. As we stand united with their families, let us now redouble our own efforts to carry their work forward.

Here is what Romney said in response to the President’s statement:

 When our grounds are being attacked, and being breached, that the first response of the United States must be outrage at the breach of the sovereignty of our nation. And apology for America’s values is never the right course,he said, slamming the Obama administration for “sympathiz[ing] with those who waged the attacks.

 I think it’s a — a — a terrible course to — for America to — to stand in apology for our values. That instead, when our grounds are being attacked and being breached, that the first response of the United States must be outrage at the breach of the sovereignty of our nation.

An apology for America’s values is never the right course.

They clearly — they clearly sent mixed messages to the world and the statement that came from the administration and the embassy is the administration. The statement that came from the administration was — was a statement which is akin to apology and I think was a — a severe miscalculation.

But it’s also important for me, just as it was for the White House last night, by the way, to say that the statements were inappropriate, and in my — in my view, a — a disgraceful statement on the part of our administration to apologize for American values.

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Is he kidding?  Romney so utterly misrepresented what Obama said that it amounts to a lie.  The President’s statement didn’t apologize for American values. Romney is trying to feed into the whisper campaign that Obama is a muslim sympathizer, possibly a secret muslim himself, and that he apologizes for being American.  This is a calculated attempt to deceive the electorate in order to get a few votes.

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I really, really don’t like that about Romney – that he is willing to do anything, say anything to anyone to win.

And this is the man the GOP has placed on the ballot for me to vote for.  Not Chris Christie.  Not Tim Pawlenty.  Not Marco Rubio.  Not John Huntsman.

Out of all the people they could have chosen, they gave us Mitt Romney: a morally bankrupt rich guy, trying hard to hide just how rich he is, a bully and gay basher when he was a teenager, and willing to sell his soul to become President of the United States.

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HEADLINE – Michigan woman censored for saying “vagina.”

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DETROIT – A Michigan lawmaker has been banned from speaking on the House floor after saying the word “vagina” while debating a Republican sponsored bill that would strictly restrict abortion rights in the state.

“I’m flattered that you’re all so interested in my vagina,” Rep. Lisa Brown said, addressing the Speaker of the House, “but ‘no’ means ‘no.’”

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Brown was gaveled into silence by House Speaker James Bolger (R-Bumfuck) for “violating the decorum of the House.”  Brown was then barred from speaking during the debate about a school employee retirement bill because she used the “V-word” in an unrelated debate.

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James Bolger

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“Listen, silly, even the concept of a vagina is offensive and is probably an anti-American commie liberal socialist secular humanist plot,” Bolger said.  “Like global warming and a deserving poor person, I don’t think it exists. I married  two women, not at the same time of course – so there is no way I could be gay – and I never found either of my wives’ vaginas, and I tried terribly, terribly hard for years,” Bolger said before explaining how fabulous  Joan Crawford, Judy Garland and musical theater is.

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“I think I saw one over there.”

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“Seriously. Years,” said Bolger’s second wife, Charlene. “I did everything I could think of to help James locate my vagina, but he just can’t get past his fear that girls have ‘cooties.’”

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“If girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, then why do they smell like sardines?” whispered conservative Republican former Senator Larry Craig (married, with children) on the Senate floor during a debate to defund Planned Parenthood a few months prior to being arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover police officer in a men’s bathroom. Senator Craig didn’t realize the microphone was on when he whispered his joke to a fellow conservative Republican Bob Allen.

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“I haven’t worn underwear since 1978 and I have a big red arrow painted on my abdomen pointed down. Nothing seems to help,”Charlene added.

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Bolger’s first wife, Betty, agrees. “Jim doesn’t know anything about vaginas. On our wedding night he burst into tears, locked himself in the bathroom and wouldn’t come out until I promised to “put that thing away.”

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For many Republicans the “V word” issue is less about abysmal sexual ignorance, misogyny or covert homosexuality, and more about returning America to a better time before non-whites “ruined everything.”

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“Fair is fair. If I can’t say nigger then you can’t say vagina, okay?” said Republican political strategist, Baptist minister, Holocaust denier and high school drop out Trip Tripperson.

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Trip Tripperson

“You let me call negroes niggers again, and Mexicans wet backs, and Asians gooks, and the mentally handicapped morons, and homos faggots, and women bitches and cunts –  just like God intended – and I’ll let you call beavers vaginas.  I want my country back, okay? Where’s the birth certificate?? Where’s the birth certificate??!!!” Tripperson shouted in presumed support for Republican sponsored legislation requiring women to post nude photos of themselves in fetish poses on “Christian D/s lifestyle” websites before obtaining an abortion.

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Ron Severstone – the sole remaining moderate Republican – suggests a possible compromise. 

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Ron Severstone

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“There are plenty of ways white men can effectively discuss the plan to turn back the clock and utterly dominate the sex lives of women without offending the lunatic fringe that has taken over the GOP,” Severstone said, a Republican politician who will soon be accused of “hating America” for offering to compromise with “satan worshiping baby killers.”

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“For example, we can call it ‘the hoo ha’ or “the bad thing” or “the otter’s pocket” or – my personal favorite – ‘the lady cave,” Sevestone suggested before running for his life.

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Still others simply view this recent kerfuffle as part of an ongoing process. “History has shown that, when male dominated societies wants to control women, they make sure that women’s bodies are considered obscene as part of reducing a woman’s status to that of a servant and  as property, rather than as a person,” said Professor Judith Holmes.

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 “That is what is essentially happening now.  And, to be brutally honest, it’s working,” Professor Holmes said just before renouncing her American citizenship and emigrating to Australia.

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Prof. Judith Holmes

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The anti-abortion law passed in the House 70-39, with all Republicans voting in favor of it. The legislation now goes to the Senate and is expected to pass with only democrats voting against it.

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HOW ADORABLE!! (MUST SEE!)

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Something to warm your heart from the American Heartland.  This vid shows a totally adorable three year old boy singing to his church congregation a song with the message “Ain’t No Homo Gonna Make it to Heaven.”

See for yourself!

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That little bigot got a standing ovation from that Christian crowd.

Teaching hate.

Teaching intolerance.

Round ‘em up, put them in camps with electrified fences, and let them die.

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Jesus came and preached a message full of Good News: God wasn’t vengeful, but full of love.  The old rules of hate and retribution were gone, replaced by kindness, understanding and acceptance.  ”An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth” was replaced with “turn the other cheek.”  And most important of all, Jesus admonished us to give up our burning desire to judge others.

Matthew 7:1-5

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.

Luke 6:37

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.

John 8:7

And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.”

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It is utterly horrifying that people who gather together to remember Jesus teach three year old boys to hate and to judge.  And it is terrifying because if Jesus’ clear and unequivocal message can so easily and readily be perverted, then what hope do we really have?

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AMERICAN PASTOR SUGGESTS “FINAL SOLUTION” FOR HOMOSEXUALITY

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No kidding.  A “final solution” like the kind Hitler suggested for Europe’s “Jewish problem.”

You simply won’t believe how evil this man is.  And he isn’t alone. Millions of Americans see no problem with what he proposes.

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Perhaps Bangar was right:  the central tenant of Christianity for these people is “love thy neighbor, but it’s okay to hate them and kill them if they are different from you.”

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HEADLINE – Repulblican lawmaker wants homosexuals killed.

The Mississippi state lawmaker who cited a Bible passage on Facebook calling for gay men to be “put to death” has taken to the social networking site again to refuse to apologize for the remark.

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Mississippi State Rep. Andy Gipson

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Rep. Andy Gipson (R-Braxton) went on Facebook Friday to say that although he has been receiving emails and calls from around the country about his citation ofLeviticus 20:13, as well as Romans 1:26-28, in a May 10 Facebook post on President Barack Obama’s endorsement of gay marriage, he will not say he’s sorry. 

“To be clear, I want the world to know that I do not, cannot, and will not apologize for the inspired truth of God’s Word. It is one thing that will never ‘change,’” Gipson wrote. “Anyone who knows me knows I also believe that all people are created in God’s image, and He gave us His Son Jesus.  John 3:16. It is this message that I preach every Sunday, along with my Christian belief that God wants all homosexuals to be killed. Jesus hates homosexuals.”

“I want that queer Richard Simmons to be the first with a bullet through is sinful homo brain,” Gipson added. “He gives me the creeps. Same for that freak Miss J on America’s Next Top Model. Now that’s a great TV show. Just great. Never miss it. I TiVo it when I’m at an “Invisible Empire” meetin’ so I won’t miss it. Hot wimmin runnin’ around in their underwear posing for pictures. Nothing wrong with that.  It pleases me, so it pleases God – except for the negro models. Its against the laws of God for the races to mix so I am against any encouragement in that direction.”

“Tim Gunn on Project Runway can stay for a while.  Yeah, he’s gay, and talks a little queer but other than that he looks normal.  I like his style. And I’m hoping maybe he can get me on his new makeover show,” Gipson said before walking into a wall, injuring himself.

“Easy come, easy go,” Gipson quipped before spitting out a few broken teeth.

Gipson also pointed out that, unlike homosexuality, God is in favor of and “smiles upon” slavery and selling women. “That’s what it says in Leviticus, so slavery and women-selling, especially virgins – and who doesn’t like virgins? – is a part of God’s law, so it should be America’s law, too. America is a capitalist country and selling women and negroes should be just as easy and free of government regulation as selling cows. We’re talkin’ commerce here. We’re talkin’ selling something with value for a profit – just as God intended. It’s in Leviticus. Look it up.”

‘I want all civil laws replaced with biblical law. Except for circumcision. If jews want to do that, then fine with me, but it makes no sense in the modern world because I think it is a bad idea. So except for God’s commandment about circumcision, we enact all the rest.  Well, except for that stuff about not eating pork.  I loves me some pork,” Gipson concluded.

In addition to being a Baptist Minister, Gipson, 35, has served in the Mississippi Legislature since 2008. He chairs a judiciary committee.  He supports Mitt Romney for president.

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THE NEW SOCCER MOMS

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The American political world is abuzz withhnewsnthat, when Mitt Romney was attending a private preparatory school in Michigan during the time his father was Governor, he lead a mob who chased down a gay boy and held him down while Romney personally used a pair of scissors to cut off the gay boy’s hair.

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Romney first denied the story. When it was corroborated, he said he didn’t remember it happening.  When even more witnesses came forward to support the story, Romney said that he doesn’t remember this particular incident, but that he participated in lots of pranks and engaged in youthful hijinks when he was in high school, he is sorry if he offended anyone, and if it happened he didn’t know the boy was gay.

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The Original Prankster

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Romney supporters have attempted to brush the news story off as a “hit piece” designed to distract the American electorate away from the issue of Obama’s failed presidency and substitute it with the issue of gay rights.  They may be right.  It is an amazing coincidence that, right after Obama publicly declares his support for same sex marriage, it is revealed that Romney was a gay-basher in high school.

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However, despite the very best efforts of the Romney camp to refocus on economic issues, this story just won’t go away.  It is increasingly resonating with the electorate in a way no one could have anticipated. The reason for this resonance is simple: either Romney really doesn’t remember the event or he is lying about it, and either option is troubling to the American voter.

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Let’s not sugarcoat the incident. What Romney did wasn’t a “prank” and it wasn’t “high jinks” (as Romney himself tries to describe it).  Leading a pack of boys that hunted down, subdued and then forcibly cut off the hair of another boy who was “different” with a pair of scissors was an assault, a battery and a hate crime.  This is a graphic example of bullying in its most pure, most evil and most damaging sense. The fact that Romney lead the mob and actually committed the act makes it worse. 

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Imagine it happening to you.  Imagine you running, scared, being knocked down by a gang of boys, held down so you cannot move, while one of them sits on top of your chest and cuts off your hair “in large clumps” as one of the witnesses to the incident describes.  Imagine yelling for help and crying as you look up into the face of a young Mitt Romney grinning down at you and most likely laughing.

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 I’ve imagined this and it is terrifying.  I’ve been bullied when I was younger, but nothing this bad happened to me.

Let’s contrast Romney’s attempt to laugh off the incident with something from Obama’s past that Romney supporters point to as evidence that, if Romney was a bully, that Obama was a bigger bully.  In Obama’s autobiography Dreams of my Father he describes an event from his early childhood when he pushed a girl. Here is what he writes:

 Before my arrival she had been the only black person in our grade. She was plump and dark and didn’t seem to have many friends.  I ran up to Coretta and gave her a slight shove.  She staggered back and looked up at me, but still said nothing.  ‘Leave me alone,’ I shouted again.  And suddenly Coretta was running, faster and faster until she disappeared from sight.  Appreciative laughs rose around me.  For the rest of the afternoon I was haunted by the look on Coretta’s face.

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Any moron can compare what Romney did with what Obama did and see the differences between the two events.  Obama isn’t denying what he did, excusing it or attempting to trivialize it. He is “owning it” and is ashamed.

Romney, on the other hand, attempted to hide it, when discovered tried to deny it, when proven tried to trivialize it as a simple prank not worthy of even remembering.

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This was an event worthy of remembering, so Romney is probably lying when he says he doesn’t remember, and if he is lying, well, Americans don’t like liars. 

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We joke about politicians lying, but we get upset when they get caught doing it. Scooter Libby wasn’t prosecuted for revealing the name of a covert CIA operative; he was prosecuted for lying about doing it. Bill Clinton wasn’t impeached because he had sex with a chubby intern – he was impeached because he lied about it.  If he had come clean when he was caught the odds are the American public would have forgiven him. 

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So Romney is lying about not remembering that he chased down a gay student, held him down and cut off his hair displays a character flaw that troubles the average American voter and only serves to reinforce the uneasy feeling they have about him.  The Democrats say he is willing to change his position and “flip-flop” to get elected, and Romney’s lying about what he remembers only reinforced that perception.

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The average American voter, on the other hand, does not believe the same thing about Obama. Sure, right wing lunatics shout, scream and froth at the mouth about Obama’s duplicity, but the average person doesn’t see it. They view Obama as a basically honesty guy, and his “owning up” to his own bullying incidents reinforce that favorable view – and this means that undecided voters are now more likely to choose Obama over Romney in November.

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But what if Romney really doesn’t remember such a graphic and horrible bullying event that he himself perpetrated?  If that is true, then it is even more troubling than lying about it.

Some bullying experts say that Romney may actually not remember what he did because bullies often lack empathy. They don’t feel any of the pain they are causing, so in their minds the individual acts of bullying really are trivial and not worth remembering.

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Let’s review: Romney did it; he did the horrible thing described above. He was a bully. If he doesn’t remember it is because, at the time, he lacked empathy.

And this is the problem. Lack of empathy is one of the signs of psychopathy.

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Please control your outrage. I am not accusing Romney of being a psychopath in the popular sense – i.e., an insane killer.

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I am, however, suggesting that these recent events place into sharp focus many aspects of Romney’s personality that have troubled millions of Americans, especially conservative Americans.  And the reason why is that Romney may very well be, in a clinical, non dangerous sense, a high functioning emotional/interpersonal psychopath.

Psychopaths possess a general lack of empathy, and this includes deficiencies in comprehension and appreciation of others’ experiences and motivations, and lack of tolerance of differing perspectives.   Emotional/interpersonal psychopaths (as differentiated from socially deviant psychopaths) are often glib and superficial, egocentric and grandiose, lack remorse or guilt, and have shallow emotions. h[1]8  They display a lack empathy with no anxiety along with a predisposition to tell people what they want to hear. h[2]9 

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This describes Mitt Romney. When people complain that he is “wooden” and “boring” they are complaining about his lack of emotions.  When he says the wrong thing or “puts his foot in his mouth” he is being glib and superficial. His regular “flip flopping” is a manifestation of his predisposition to telling people what they want to hear.  He is clearly egocentric and his plans for the nation are undeniably grandiose. When people complain that he is “robotic” they are observing that he never shows any signs of anxiety.  A big complaint about Romney is that he is distant and not in touch with the common person – i.e., he has deficiencies in comprehension and appreciation of others’ experiences and motivations.

The bullying event and his reaction to the public learning about it provide the final pieces for a diagnosis:  he cut off that boy’s hair because it was dyed blond and draped over one eye, causing Romney to openly and loudly complaint that it “isn’t right; he can’t do that” which means that Romney was motivated to organize and lead a lynch mob and to assault and batter that boy because of Romney’s lack of tolerance of different perspectives. Romney cannot remember the event because of his lack of empathy.

A lot of politicians, especially those on the extreme right wing of the political spectrum, are emotional/interpersonal psychopaths. Michelle Bachmann and Newt Gingrich certainly fit the description.

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Romney does, too.  We’ve all felt it, wondered about it, asked ourselves why we cannot support Romney and are still reluctant to do so.

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We are troubled by the inescapable fact that Romney is either lying about remembering his bullying history, or he actually doesn’t remember, and we don’t know which is worse.

Finally, the story about the boy Romney chased down and molested resonates with a brand new demographic:  those who were bullied in school and kept their silence.  They hate bullies, hate their excuses, hate the privilege that keeps bullies safe from any consequences that should result from openly expressed cruelty and sadism.

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You know these victims. They are short. They are fat. They are unattractive. They are weak. They are powerless.  They are poor. They are gay. They are “different.”

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They are Legion, and they all hate Romney.

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Bulling Victims are the new Soccer Moms.  They are a demographic that cuts across social, economic, regional and political boundaries.  And they all know what happened. They all know that Romney lead a lynch mob of rich boys who chased down a gay kid and cut off his hair for expressing  his individuality and difference.  They marked him and humiliated him in a way that neither the victim nor the bullies can ever forget.

And they are going to be the swing vote that gives Obama a second term as President of the United States.

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HEADLINE – Obama ate a dog

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 I take full responsibility and credit for this rumor./ 

 

UPDATE:

That dog had it coming, man.

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SIMPLE MATH [UPDATED]

On January 20, 2011, when George W. Bush took office as President of the United States, the Dow Jones Industrial Average (DJIA) was at 10,587.60

Bush immediately implemented his economic plans based on right wing ideology, and this had an immediate negative effect on the US economy.  For example, on March 20, 2001, the DJIA closed below the previous year’s low for the first time since 1982.

Barack Obama took office on January 20, 2009, and when he did, the DJIA was at 7,365.

As of the date this is posted, the DJIA closed at 13,149.55

Let’s crunch the numbers a bit:

During Bush II, the US economy experienced a steady decline that culminated with a virtual systemic melt down. During Bush’s term in office, the DJIA lost 3,222.6 points.

The Obama years saw, at first, a worsening economic climate, with the DJIA dropping even further.  Non partisan economists believe this was due in large measure to the downward momentum from the collapsing economic system Obama inherited from Bush II.  However, as of now, during Obama’s term the DJIA has added 5,784.55 points.

The GOP is offering us Mitt Romney to replace Obama.  Here is the problem:  Mitt Romney is a somewhat stupid rich guy who is out of touch with the real world and who relies on weird economic nonsense born more of ideology than reason.

Romney wants to give the rich a tax break and pay for it by taxing the poor. No fooling.

 But we already tried that with Bush II. It didn’t work.  Obama, for all his many, many faults, has made it better.

The American people are being asked to try again what didn’t work the first time and to replace a devil we know with a devil we don’t.

The American people will pick the devil they know – warts and all. They won’t believe the shrill screams from the lunatic Right that Obama is responsible for the economic mess he inherited.  They won’t believe that he can’t take credit for the recovery we’ve experienced.

That’s all there is to it.  Romney cannot win without moderate republican votes like mine, and I won’t vote for a return to the policies of Bush II.

I am going to do what most Americans will do – I will look at the DJIA for a sign of economic health and I will look to see if my SEP retirement fund has recouped the losses it suffered during Bush II.

It has. My retirement fund is in the black again for the first time in years.  And I’m feeling a bit more secure and eating out more.  Buying that bottle of wine. Taking that short vacation.  Not caring quite as much if the lights are left on or not.

I hated living otherwise. I hated being afraid. I remember being afraid that the banking system would crash and the rest would follow.  I started wondering if I should hoard black pepper because it might be hard to get when the international trade system collapsed.

I will never forget what that felt like.  I won’t jeopardize the positive change that has come – albeit slowly.

The GOP could have given us Jim Christie.  The GOP could have embraced Ron Paul.  But it didn’t.  They found someone as much like George W. Bush as they could.

It isn’t my fault if Romney isn’t a viable candidate.

 It isn’t my fault that the GOP did everything it could to keep the economy from improving – and failed.

It infuriates me that keeping the economy bad was their big strategy to being with.  It isn’t my fault that the Republican elite is praying – and scheming – for an economic downturn right before the next election.  It isn’t my fault that the GOP strategists decided it was a good idea to spread rumors that Obama was born in Kenya and pander to bigotry by spreading the rumor that Obama is Muslim (or “muslin” as they say in the deep red states).

All they had to do was run on Obama’s record – which is really, really bad, – and give us a viable alternative.  It isn’t my fault they decided to focus on something else.

I feel bad I cannot vote for Romney. All I am doing is pursing my personal best interests. That is all any American voter should be expected to do. And that is why Romney will lose.

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UPDATE:  The latest employment figures were disappointing: unemployment dropped, but the number of jobs created was lower thane expected.  

Romney wins in November!!!

Rick Santorum says: “GAY MARRIAGE WILL LEAD TO BESTIALITY”

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Headline – Newt Gingrich surges

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I certainly hope he cleans up after himself.

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INTERVIEW WITH RICK SANTORUM

In this frankly fictitious interview, former senator Rick Santorum – the near winner of the recent Iowa Republican Caucus and candidate for President of the United States – discusses his views on birth control, gay marriage, the non existence of Palestinians and why it was an outrage for President Obama to take any credit for killing Osama bin Laden.

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Rick Santorum

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Senator Santorum, you base your platform on what you call traditional family values, and that includes opposition to any kind of sex outside of marriage.

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Correcting his campaign poster to remove the word "freedom."

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RICK SANTORUM:  That is correct. If I were president, I would criminalize all sex with anyone but your spouse.

POE:  But haven’t our courts recognized the right to consensual sex between adults whether they are married or not?

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SANTORUM:  I don’t know of any court that has said that. But let’s say its true. If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything. Does that undermine the fabric of our society? I would argue yes, it does.

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POE:  You are also against all forms of birth control.

SANTORUM:  Yes. If I am elected president I will outlaw contraception. And I believe that any doctor that performs an abortion, I would advocate that any doctor that performs an abortion, should be criminally charged for doing so. Contraception is not okay. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be. Sex is supposed to be within marriage. It’s supposed to be for purposes that are yes, conjugal but also procreative. Sex within marriage is the only way that a sexual union should happen. And when I say marriage I mean good old American red blooded heterosexual marrige.

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Rick Santorum and his extremely unhappy family.

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POE:  You seem obsessed with homosexuals. Why is that?

SANTORUM:  I wouldn’t say I am obsessed with homosexuals but I will say that I spend most of my time thinking about them and trying to stop our society from recognizing homosexuality as anything other than an abomination forbidden by God.

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POE: So your opposition to homosexuality is religious?

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SANTORUM:  It starts with my faith but it doesn’t end there. There are lots of reasons to oppose homosexuality. First of all, they’re in close quarters, they live with people, they obviously shower with people. The argument that people are born homosexuals, like black people are born black, is a lie. There are people who were gay and lived the gay lifestyle and aren’t gay anymore, like Marcus Bachmann.

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Successfully choosing not to be gay.

SANTORUM: That isn’t the case for anyone that’s black. It’s a behavioral issue as opposed to a color of the skin issue.

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POE:  But you deny hating gay people.

SANTORUM: You can say I’m a hater. But I would argue I’m a lover. I’m a lover of traditional families and of the right of children to have a mother and father.

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POE: So you love traditional families.

SANTORUM:  That’s right.

POE:  And what is a traditional family?

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SANTORUM:  A traditional family is the kind of family God describes in the Bible – a father as the head of the family married to a submissive woman who cooks for him, cleans the home and bears his children.

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POE:  Okay, you love that kind of family. But that means you must hate other kinds of families.

SANTORUM:  There are no other kinds of families.  All other groupings are not families.

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Not a family.

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Not a family.

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Not a family.

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Not a family.

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SANTORUM:  I would argue that the future of America hangs in the balance, because the future of the family hangs in the balance. Isn’t that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending the sanctity of marriage?

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POE:  You are unabashedly against gay marriage and have said that, in the battle against gay marriage, it is a hill you will die on.

SANTORUM:  Gay marriage threatens my marriage. It threatens all marriages. It threatens the traditional values of this country.

POE:  You recently said in New Hampshire to a group of college students that marriage isn’t an inalienable right, that it is a privilege granted by society.

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SANTORUM: And I also said marriage is a right that society grants because it provides society with benefits.

POE:  Okay, so what you are arguing is that heterosexual marriage gives society benefits, so it is good and should be allowed, but gay marriage doesn’t give benefits, so it should be prohibited?

SANTORUM:  That’s absolutely correct.

POE: So what are the benefits that marriage gives society that gay marriage does not?

SANTORUM: Children.

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POE:  You don’t need to be married to have children.

SANTORUM:  Yes you do.  And if I am elected President, I will imprison all single mothers.  They all vote democrat anyway because the democrats give them money.

POE:  Are you thirsty? Hungry?

SANTORUM:  I’m a bit thirsty.

POE:  Okay, drink this.

SANTORUM:  Oh Jesus, I thank thee for the beverage this godless sodomite has given me to slake my thirst so that I may proclaim the wickedness of homosexuals and prevent our children from even learning that homosexuals exist so that they don’t ever get the idea and decide to turn gay.

POE:  You just referred to me as a “godless sodomite.” You think I’m gay?

SANTORUM:  Yes. You are clearly a liberal defender of sodomites who hates America and Christendom.

POE:  And you’ve come to this conclusion how?

SANTORUM:  You have a beard.

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POE:  So all people with beards are gay atheists who hate America?

SANTORUM:  Yes.

POE:  We are getting away from the interview, but I really think I need to point out that I am not gay, I’ve been married for over 22 years, have a son, and am a baptized member of the Greek Orthodox Church.

SANTORUM:  But you have a beard.

POE:  My priest has a beard.

SANTORUM:  Then he’s gay, too.

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POE:  And a liberal atheist who hates America?

SANTORUM:  Yes.

POE:  Because he has a beard.

SANTORUM:  Yes.

POE:  Moving on – oh, how was the mineral water I gave you?

SANTORUM:  Very refreshing. Praise Jesus.

POE:  I’m glad Jesus provided it.  Anyway, you also said recently that prohibiting gay marriage isn’t discrimination it is only discrimination to deny rights and marriage is a privilege and not a right.

SANTORUM: That is absolutely true.  The only rights any American has are those clearly described in the Constitution.

POE:  What about the right of privacy?

SANTORUM:  Privacy is not mentioned in the Constitution, so no one has the right of privacy.

POE:  So the police can tap our phones and read our mail without violating our rights?

SANTORUM:  Yes. Only those with something to hide have something to fear from being watched by the authorities. 

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SANTORUM: Do you have something to hide?

POE:  No, but I want to be able to scratch my testicles without the police watching me do it.

SANTORUM:  It is against the Laws of God to scratch your testicles.

POE:  You’ve never scratched your testicles?

SANTORUM:  No. Never.

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POE:  They certainly must itch.

SANTORUM:  They do.  Every blessed minute of the day.  Every second of the night.  But suffering is a good thing.

POE:  Yes, I’ve read where you use that to support your argument that the Government shouldn’t try to help poor people.

SANTORUM:  That’s right.  It doesn’t matter if someone is suffering.  Suffering is part of the human condition. Suffering is nature. And it is a punishment from God.  God punishes the wicked and makes them suffer.  Poor people are being punished by God for being lazy.

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A bread line during the Great Depression (1937)

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POE: How are you feeling?

SANTORUM:  Fine.

POE: You don’t look fine.  You look all clammy and you seem to be holding your stomach.

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POE: I’m fine. Please get on with the interview.

POE:  Okay.  So, according to you, marriage isn’t mentioned in the constitution, so it isn’t a right, so it isn’t discriminatory to let heterosexuals marry while forbidding gay people to marry.

SANTORUM:  Yes.

POE: What about civil rights?  Are civil rights found in the Constitution?

SANTORUM:  There are no “civil” rights.  The Constitution only recognizes criminal rights, so there are no civil rights.

POE:  Ah. So the “rights” recognized by the Civil Rights Act are really privileges.

SANTORUM:  Exactly.

POE: And, because they aren’t rights, it isn’t discriminatory grant some people those privileges while denying them to others.

SANTORUM:  Yes. Exactly.

POE:  So let’s say it is a privilege to be able to go into a diner and order a cup of coffee.

SANTORUM:  Yes, that isn’t right. It is a privilege.

POE:  So it is okay for the owner of a diner to choose not to serve homosexuals?

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SANTORUM:  Yes.  That’s his right.  Can we take a break?  I really need to use the bathroom.

POE:  Not quite yet. What about black people?  Is it discriminatory for the owner of the diner to refuse service to black people and serve only white people?

SANTORUM:  No.  Discrimination only happens when someone is denied a right. Being served isn’t a right because it isn’t included in the constitution. It is a privilege. So denying service to someone based on their race, or gender, or sexual orientation, or place of national origin, or whatever, isn’t discrimination.

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POE:  And you want to be President.

SANTORUM:  Yes, God willing.

POE:  Okay, moving on…. You’ve also said that there are no Palestinians.

SANTORUM:  That’s right. There aren’t any.

POE:  What about all those people who identify themselves as Palestinians?

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SANTORUM:  It doesn’t matter what they call themselves. They live in Israel so they are Israeli.  Palestinians are a myth.

POE:  Are there any other myths you want to talk about?

SANTORUM:  Yes.  Global climate change is a myth.

POE:  Why do you say that?

SANTORUM:  Because I refuse to believe it.

POE:  Like the existence of the Palestinian people?

SANTORUM:  Yes. Exactly.

POE:  So if you don’t believe in something, it doesn’t exist?

SANTORUM:  Yes. Life revolves around faith, and faith is belief. I don’t believe that  man-made CO2 is responsible for climate change. I don’t believe there are any Palestinians. I don’t believe in the theory of evolution. And I don’t believe that anyone is born homosexual.  So none of those things are true or exist. And I don’t believe the Crusades happened.

POE:  Do you mean the Crusades in the middle ages when European kings raised armies to invade Palestine to retake Jerusalem from Muslims?

SANTORUM: The idea that the Crusades and the fight of Christendom against Islam is somehow an aggression on our part is absolutely anti-historical.  Are we almost done here?  I really have to go.

POE:  We’re almost finished.  You also argue that President Obama deserves no credit for the killing of Osama bin Laden.

SANTORUM:  Obama didn’t do it. He ordered other people to do it. Obama didn’t do the hard work. The people he’s going after did the hard work. And that is an outrage.

POE:  So you are saying that people who make decisions and give instructions don’t deserve credit for the result?

SANTORUM:  I really have to go.

POE:  Actually, by my clock you have a few hours before the explosive diarrhea kicks in.

SANTORUM: What are you talking about?

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POE:  That mineral water you drank was laced with a chemical that causes stomach cramps followed a few hours later by explosive diarrhea.

SANTORUM:  You did this?

POE:  Don’t blame me. Remember, you thanked Jesus for that mineral water.

SANTORUM:  I need a doctor.

POE:  Suffering is a good thing, remember?

SANTORUM:  What are you doing?

POE:  Relax, big boy. I’m reaching into your pocket to take your wallet. Nothing more.

SANTORUM: You’re looking through my wallet!

POE:  Why not?  There is not right to privacy, remember?  Hey! What’s this I’ve found?

SANTORUM:  I can explain!

POE:  I thought you were against contraception.

SANTORUM:  It’s been there since high school!

POE:  Looks new to me.

SANTORUM:  Please stop!

POE: No. You certainly have a lot of photos in your wallet. Who is this guy in the cowboy hat and chaps?

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SANTORUM:  No one!

POE: I would like to thank Rick Santorum for being our guest today, and would like to remind everyone that he came within eight votes of winning the Iowa Republican Caucus, which means a whole lot of people agree with everything he said in this interview.  To all my fellow American citizens, I wish you the best of luck. To all my foreign friends, please pray for us, but please do not pray to the God Santorum worships.

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SOURCES:

http://www.ontopmag.com/article.6

http://www.addictinginfo.org/2012/01/05/31-rick-santorum-quotes/

http://online.wsj.com/article/wsj

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rick_Santorum

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HEADLINE – Romney Surrogate: Electability Should Trump ‘Beliefs and Principles’

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MUNCIE, Indiana - A New Hampshire surrogate for Mitt Romney said at a local political event that it’s evident he will be the Republican presidential nominee and suggested that “beliefs and principles” should not be the deciding factor for voters. 

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State Sen. Gary Lambert said the most important thing is to nominate somebody who can defeat President Obama.

Senator Gary Lambert

“This is not about picking a favorite, it’s not about picking someone you like,” Lambert said. “It’s not about picking someone even with your own beliefs and principles.  This is about choosing the candidate with the best chance of getting that negro out of the White House,” Lambert concluded.

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 “We also have to make damned sure it never happens again,” Lambert added. “That’s why Republicans in the House of Representatives and the Senate in Washington refuse to vote for anything Obama proposes,” Lambert explained. “Sure, it means nothing can get done and it means our nation is going down the toilet, but that is a small price to pay to get that negro out of the White House.  We need to punish the American people so severely that they will never, ever elect one again,” Lambert said.

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“Sure, Rick Santorum has remained true to his beliefs and to conservative principals, and it is true that Santorum’s principals and beliefs are the same as the vast majority of Republicans out there,” Lambert said.

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Santorum

“But there is no way the American people will elect a religious fanatic/bigot. There is just no way. But they might elect Mitt Romney, a guy who has no moral values, who says whatever he thinks his audience wants to hear, and who changes his opinion from second to second.

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Snap that rubber glove! Snap it good!

And that’s why Republicans just have to hold their nose and vote for Romney – because he is our best hope of getting that awful negro out of the White House,” Lambert said. ” It is the “White” House, for Christ’s sake.”

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“Even though Mitt Romney isn’t the perfect candidate, he still has the best chance of beating Obama, and that is why I endorse Romney and urge all white people to vote for him,” Lambert concluded before running off into the darkness.

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WEBSITE OF THE WEEK – Warning to Parents

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When I saw the graphic reproduced above, I thought it was a joke.  A hilarious joke making fun of the breed of fundamentalist christians who were insane.  Comparing Easter Eggs with Satan’s testicles is incredible parody and satire.  Simply brilliant.

But I looked into it and found out that it is even funnier than I could have ever imagined – because it is real. Take a look for yourself. Go to http://www.landoverbaptist.org/eastereggs.html and see for yourself.  I reproduce it below.

The site offers some marvelous items more than suitable for Christmas gifts.

Click on the images for a larger version easier to read.

Enjoy.

MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

It has been a while since I’ve posted anything in this blog. Due to national security concerns – and because witches might be watching – I can’t tell you where I’ve been or what I’ve been doing, but I can tell you that I’ve been fighting the Liberal Menace, and by that I mean my gay next door neighbor, Ted.

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My gay neighbor, Ted, and his special "friend" Glenn.

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And by fighting I mean avoiding him at all costs and calling the police every time he has a party and complaining about the noise even when there is no noise.  Although the police no longer respond to my complaints, and I’ve been warned – and I quote – to “cut it out or Mr. Friedman [that’s Ted] will press charges,” I remain ever vigilant in my quest to utilize any and all means to oppose what I call “the Gay Tide” – and by “Gay Tide” I mean the swelling, undulating wave of liberalism penetrating our country and threatening the very fabric of the American way of life.

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In other words, my gay neighbor, Ted.

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But I digress. It is a new year and the beginning of a new decade. I feel confident in my impression that, as each of you greeted this New Year, you wondered “what are Paul Boylan’s New Years Resolutions?”

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Ordinarily I don’t resolve anything when a new year starts.  It seems silly to make promises that either can’t or won’t be kept. It is so dishonest that it is un-Christian. Celebrating the New Year is really a pagan tradition founded by devil worshipers who glorified the “solstice” or something like that.  It is just like Satan to create a holiday where people get drunk and make promises they can’t keep.

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So this year I decided to defy the Dark Lord and make resolutions that I CAN keep. Here are a few of them:

1.  Destroy my gay neighbor, Ted.

Since my local police department has clearly been infiltrated by homosexual sympathizers – or worse, by vegan vegetarians – and, consequently, is unwilling to do anything about my gay neighbor – who is, by the way, filthy – I’ve decided to take a more direct approach.  I will go door to door and speak to all of my other neighbors and explain why we must all shun Ted.  If we shun him, he will have no choice but to either stop being gay or move away. Either result will satisfy me.

2. Run over fewer cats with my car.

In 2009 I ran over way too many cats, causing expensive damage to my car.

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Please do not judge me callous or uncaring because I mention cost as my first reason for resolving to kill fewer cats.  Even if I could run down cats cost-free, I would still resolve to do it less because I am quite fond of cats.

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But other animals that are not cats – such as dogs, squirrels, raccoons, possums, wild hogs, ducks, geese, turkeys, quail, pheasants, pigeons, crows, egrets, blue herons, deer, elk, snakes and/or emus – had better get out of my way.

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If I have to stop and wait for every dog, squirrel, raccoon, possum, wild hog, duck, goose, turkey, quail, pheasant, pigeon, crow, egret, blue heron, deer, elk snake, emu and baby seal to stroll across the road on their little legs or flippers, then I wouldn’t ever get anywhere and I might as well walk.

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3.  Ask more often “What would Jesus do?”

I take great pride in my sense of self-honesty, which is eclipsed only by my humility.  As I’ve said and written many times and say again right here right now without the risk of hyperbole, I am possibly the most humble man who ever lived.  But, in all humility, my sense of self-honesty compels me to admit that I could be a better Christian.  And central to being a good Christian is asking the question “What would Jesus do?” when confronted by problems.

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For example, I intend to ask myself the following questions during 2010:

What would Jesus do to stop Socialists form taking over America and taxing the wealthy so that poor people can get medical care?

If Jesus stands for anything, he stands for low taxes, property rights, helping working homeowners and punishing lazy poor people – like he did in Haiti.  I am fairly sure Jesus would not want poor people to have free medical care.

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What would Jesus do about the Negro problem?

You know what I’m talking about.

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Who would believe that American voters would choose Obama because McCain picked Palin as his running mate?  Since when did stupidity matter more than race? It’s downright un-American.

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And now we have a black Miss America (again). Doesn’t the Miss America Pageant know that picking a black Miss America will only encourage those people?

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I can’t figure it out, so I think I need to ask what Jesus would do about it.

Well, that’s it for now. My wife is reading over my shoulder and just told me that I am going to Hell.

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I need to take some time and explain to her why God would never do that to me. But what I really need to do is ask “What would Jesus do about a wife like this?”

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“YOU LIE!”

JOE WILSON AND THE AMERICAN WAY

I want to talk to you about Joe Wilson, the guy who heckled Barak Obama by yelling “you lie!” when the president was addressing a joint session of congress.

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He looks retarded, but he is more than that.

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The liberal media has expressed extreme outrage over this incident, accusing Wilson of being everything from a boorish idiot to a racist.

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Victim of the liberal media

Don’t let that outrage fool you. What Wilson did is no big deal – especially when viewed through the lens of American history.  A congressman yelling “you lie!” at the president during a presentation to congress is not only a trivial event, the event itself fits well within the American traditions of political free speech.

The American Way

To begin with, allow me to remind you what it means to be an American.  More than anything else, being an American means having the constitutional right to speak your mind.  Many Americans take this important freedom for granted.  But those outside our great nation know how special and precious it is. During the great wave of immigration that took place near the beginning of the 20^th Century – the time my Greek ancestors came to this country – immigrants wrote home saying that the streets of American cities were “paved with gold.”

In a literal sense this wasn’t true.  But to people escaping tyranny, oppression and poverty, the freedoms and opportunities that came with merely walking on American soil were priceless.  Where they came from, no matter how hard they worked they could never hope for a better life for their children.  In America, men and women who are willing to work hard can shape their own futures.  In their homelands, these immigrants could be arrested and imprisoned for saying the wrong thing.  But in America they could argue in the streets and express their opinions freely.

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What the liberal media wants us to forget is that the right of free speech includes the right to get angry.  When Joe Wilson interrupted the President of the United States by shouting “you lie!” Citizen Joe was merely exercising his rights as an American and was taking part in a tradition that spans our nation’s noble history.

The American Founding Fathers were notoriously cranky, rude, angry men who openly hated each other.  Benjamin Franklin hated Thomas Paine. Thomas Paine hated George Washington. George Washington hated all French intellectuals – who, in a very real sense, gave birth to the American Revolution.

Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr hated each other so much they fought a duel – and Burr killed Hamilton with a bullet that pierced Hamilton’s liver.  Thomas Jefferson – the man given credit with drafting the American Declaration of Independence – made loud, unmistakable noises simulating flatulence – often using his hand and armpit – every time he encountered his political rival John Adams.  Adams never hesitated to accuse Jefferson of “preferring the company of young boys” and of stealing the design for the swivel chair from Nathaniel Swivel, a Boston furniture maker and brewer.

Nathaniel Swivel

As our republic grew and matured, so did the salty nature of American political discourse.  Martin Van Buren – our 8^th president – and the first American president born in the United States – won the 1832 election in a landslide.  But the Whig Party (now defunct) despised Van Buren and refused to recognize his legitimacy.  They spread rumors that he was born in Holland and that he was secretly a Quaker.

Quaker

In conjunction with this rumor campaign, the Whigs engaged in a rhetorical attack utilizing misleading vocabulary. For example, Winfield Scott – a Whig Party organizer – gave a speech in Buffalo, New York accusing Van Buren of vague charges that no one understood but everyone believed.  Scott is quoted as saying:

“In addition to the many crimes Martin Van Buren has committed against the American people as a whole – nay humanity – perhaps most disturbing, if not revolting, is the indisputable fact that Van Buren is a notorious masticator.   Reliable sources close to Van Buren – if that is his real name – confirm that he masticates at least three times a day, often in the presence of his wife. As monstrous as this may seem, Van Buren has also been known to vacillate on numerous occasions.  I put it to you that, not only is Van Buren a vacillator AND a masticator, he vacillates WHILE he masticates! The man has practiced vacillation and chronic mastication ever since he was a small child in Holland!”

These Whig tactics worked: the public turned against Van Buren, with many refusing to shake his hand for fear of where it may have been.  Whig congressmen and senators began pelting Van Buren with rotten vegetables whenever he spoke publically. The threat of violence became so pronounced that Van Buren would carry two loaded pistols whenever he addressed congress.

Packing heat

More recently, Republicans unhappy with Franklin Delano Roosevelt – a polio victim confined to a wheel chair – accused Roosevelt of being born in Norway and of secretly being a Free Mason. They would yell “cripple!” and “gimp!” during Roosevelt’s State of the Union addresses, pretending that they were sneezing.

He killed and ate this child.

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So, when seen through the lens of history, Joe Wilson’s yelling, “you lie!” at Obama during the the President’s State of the Union Address, or Arizona Governor Jan Brewer jabbing her finger into the President’s face while yelling at him, or even a reporter heckling Obama during a press conference, it really isn’t very important.

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This never happened when a white president was giving a speech.

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This would never happen to a white president, and never has.

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Perhaps they feel free to disrespect him because he isn’t white, so he can’t really be the president, so they don’t owe him any respect.

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 It is just part of the American way.

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EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: BARAK OBAMA

[In this frankly fictitious interview, President Barak Obama agrees to sit down with People of Earth and discussed rumors spread by his political opponents in an attempt to demonize him.]

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Mr. President, may I call you “Barak?”

PRESIDENT BARAK OBAMA:  Sure. It’s great to be here.

POE:  After this interview, can I refer to you as “one of my peeps?”

OBAMA:  [Laughs] Why not?

POE: Great. Thanks. Mr. President – Barak – as you know, I write a blog that is read by at least five people, and some of them have  concerns about both you and your presidency.

OBAMA:  I am happy to answer any questions your readers have.

POE: Let’s start with the claim that you are a socialist.

OBAMA:  I suppose I am a socialist.

POE:  You’re admitting it just like that?

OBAMA:  [Smiling] yes, just like that.

POE:  Okay, what about the persistent rumor that you were born in Kenya?

OBAMA:  That’s true.  I was born in Kenya. My Hawaii birth certificate is a fake.

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POE:  Doesn’t that disqualify you for the presidency?

OBAMA:  I suppose so.  Next question.

POE:  Um [ shuffling of paper]… there is a persistent rumor that you are a Muslim. Is that true?

OBAMA:  It sure is, Paul. Allah akbar, death to America, and all that.

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POE:  One of my regular readers – who goes only by the name “Penelope” – believes you are the Anti-Christ.

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POE:  That is absolutely true, Paul. First of all, if you read your Bible you will see that I fit the description of the Anti-Christ.

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POE:  If you are a Muslim, what are you doing reading the Bible?

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OBAMA:  [Good natured laughter.] Okay, you got me there, Paul.  I haven’t actually read the Bible, but I have seen all of the television specials.

POE:  Aren’t you worried about admitting all this stuff?

OBAMA:  Nope. Not a bit.

POE:  Why not?

OBAMA:  Because the people spreading these rumors are crazy.  I should point out they are kooks.  If I am not mistaken, they are a brick short of a load.  A combination plate short of a taco.  A few clowns short of a circus. They have a screw loose.

POE:  Mr. President –

OBAMA:  In fact, in some cases, they are a couple of cards short of a full deck. They are two fries short of a happy meal.  A few trucks short of a convoy.  Five cans sort of a six pack.

POE:  What about –

OBAMA:  These people are nuttier than a fruitcake. For example, the lights are on but nobody is home. The wheel is spinning, but the hamster is dead. They are knitting with only one needle. They are not firing on all cylinders. They are driving on only three wheels.

POE:  Maybe we should -

OBAMA:  Look, these are the same people who believe the moon landing was faked and that there is a secret world government using black helicopters to spy on people. My accusers are ten pounds of crazy in a five pound bag, which means no one is going to believe them – even though this time they are right.  For example, this happened at a town hall meeting held by a town hall meeting held by a prominent Republican congresman:

POE:  That really happened? It wasn’t staged by an internet video comedy group?

OBAMA:  It really happened.

POE:  That lady sounded crazy.

OBAMA:  They all sound, look, smell, walk, talk and breath crazy. No one – and I mean no one – is going to believe them.  Here is another example. Do you know who Alan Keyes is?

POE:  The crazy black guy who ran against you for senator of Illinois and keeps running for president?

OBAMA:  That’s the one.  He hired an attorney from California to file lawsuits to get me removed from the presidency because I am foreign born.  Here is Keys and his attorney appearing on CNN.  Please keep in mind this next video was posted on Youtube by people who want to prove I was born in Kenya:

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POE:  Keys didn’t sound all that bad.

OBAMA:  Granted. But did you see his attorney?  Her eyes move around independently like some kind of lizard.

OBAMA: The vid edited out all the times she interrupted everyone else. Her name is Orly Taitz and, as the screens hows, she is a dentist, a real estate agent – and she got her law degree from the – get this – William Howard Taft University in Santa Anna, California, and was admitted to practice law in 2002.  So she’s been a practicing attorney for about seven years.  According to http://www.obamaconspiracy.org/2009/01/dr-orly-taitz/ she is calling for the the United States military to rise up against me and form a new government:

“Obama “truth” squad and people like Secretary of State of Ohio Jennifer Brunner and all the others that have been collaborating with this Gestapo-SS establishment, they all should and would be tried in Nurenberg style trials for harassing, intimidating, blackmailing and terrorizing fellow citizens, for defrauding the whole country. Patriots of this country didn’t fight and defeat Nazi Germany to end up with Obamas, McCuskill, Soros, Brunner and the rest of this squad. I hope that the men in this country, particularly in our military will finally revolt against this travesty of Justice. If our government and our elected officials and our judiciary have failed us, then it is time for the new government, new elected officials and a new judiciary.”

POE:  Mr. President, I admit she seems a bit – unusual – but I don’t see what you are getting at.

OBAMA:  My point is – is  this the best Keyes can do?  I am sure Ms. Taitz is a fine dentist and real estate agent, but she has only been practicing law a few years and, she looks and sounds like she is – let me put it this way: these people could point up and yell “the sky is blue!’ and no one would believe them.  So they want to call me a socialist or a communist or the anti-christ?  Be my guest.  The people trying to prove I wasn’t born here couldn’t have chosen a worse spokesperson to represent them.

POE:  Maybe it wasn’t a mistake.

OBAMA:  Okay, I’m listening.

POE:  Maybe Keyes intentionally chose her because -

OBAMA:  [Encouraging] yes?

POE:  - because you and Keyes are really working together!

OBAMA: [Smiling and nodding] At this juncture I can neither confirm nor deny that rumor.

Coconspirators? The rumors are flying.

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POE:  But it makes sense and explains so much!  Both you and Keys are black. Both of you are from Illinois. Both of you enjoy pasta puttanesca.

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OBAMA:  We also are both Freemasons.

POE:  Really?

OBAMA:  [Laughing]  No, not really.

POE:  Are there any rumors out there that bother you?

OBAMA:  Well, there is a persistent rumor that I eat puppies.

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POE:  They accuse me of eating puppies, too!

“It was this big. But it got away.”

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OBAMA:  In my case, though, the rumor is true. I do eat puppies.

So?

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POE:  So do I!

Lunch

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OBAMA:  No kidding. I appreciate that.  Okay, in your option, what is the best part?

POE:  The front paws, of course. Deep fried.

I know this little place in Manilla.

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OBAMA:  I prefer the tongue.

POE:  Not me. Too chewy.

OBAMA:  Not if you cook it right.

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POE:  Well, that’s about all the time we have. I would like to thank Barak Obama – puppy eating, socialist, foreign born muslim anti-christ – for speaking with us today.

OBAMA: Hey, Paul, how about lunch?

POE:  Sure, why not?

God help us.