EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW – JOHN BOEHNER

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House of Representatives Republican Majority Leader John Boehner recently stated “Obama wants to obliterate the Republican Party.” Boehner’s complaint has inspired me to draft a fake interview where he explains why Obama needs to do anything at all to destroy the GOP when the GOP is doing a fine job of destroying itself.

I haven’t finished writing the interview yet, but I have collected together the photos I will use for illustration:

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THERE IS A REASON WHY GEORGE BUSH PAINTS HIMSELF IN THE NUDE

So I am sitting on the couch in my family room watching my son watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, when I comment on the recent news articles revealing that former POTUS George Herbert Walker Bush is an accomplished painter with a penchant for painting himself in the nude.

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“You mean he stood there looking at himself in a mirror?” My son asked.

“Yes, I suppose he did,” I responded.

After a short silence my son opined:

“Well, that makes sense.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Okay, let’s say you are a former conservative Republican President who likes to paint nudes,” my son says.

“Okay,” I respond. “let’s say that.”

“Well, then your possibilities are limited,” my son concludes.

“How so?” I ask.

“Have you seen Barbara Bush?” my son asks.

“His wife?”

“Yes.”

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“Oh,” I said, granting the point.

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UPDATE:

I found out later that it is was recently revealed that it is George Bush the Younger (the one who started two long wars but didn’t pay for them and very nearly brought down the global economy), not George Bush the Elder (the one who scoffed at his critics’ complaints that he lacked foresight by referring to it as “that vision thing”) who painted and presumably still paints himself nude.

I didn’t inform my son of my error.  I value any exercise in critical thinking and, based on even invalid data his conclusion was admirable.

And it is very likely that the younger Bush paints himself nude because his daddy did it, too, and the younger Bush is competing with him artistically.

The following photo is of a painting obtained by hackers of the younger Bush’s painting efforts. It is a bit creepy because it is clearly derived from a photograph, which means George has a collaborator who takes pictures of him in the nude:

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The elder Bush was a better president (he fought Gulf War I, neutralized Saddam Hussein without creating a quagmire the US could not exit from).  The odds are the elder Bush is a better painter.

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HEADLINE – 2 ACCIDENTALLY SHOT AT GUN SHOW

Bought a gun at a gun show without a background check.

WACO, Texas – 2 people were injured at a gun show, completely baffling gun rights activists.

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Inbred redneck gun owner contemplating the causes of gun violence.

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“It is a complete mystery to me how on earth these two people could be accidentally shot a gun show,” said Skip Henderson, gun enthusiast, misogynist, homophobe, racist and sociopath.

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Skip Anderson can buy this gun at a gun show without a background check.

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At gun shows Americans – or anyone – can purchase automatic weapons without any background check being conducted.

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“Hello, my name is Joe, and that is my real name. It is not a made up name. I am Joe. And I am interested in purchasing your AK-47 in a cash transaction. Oooo! Are those high-capacity ammunition magazine clips I see in that bag?”

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 “I bet Obama snuck in here and shot those 2 people to make gun owners look bad so that he and his Negro Army can come and take away our guns” Henderson said.

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“Guns are not responsible for these injuries and it is completely irresponsible to imply that guns have any connection to gun violence whatsoever anywhere in the world especially at a gun show,”  said Tripp Wightman, a gun rights activist,”doomsday prepper” and paranoid schizophrenic who buys guns at gun shows without any background checks and makes methane from his own excrement.

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Mentally unfit to purchase a gun, but passed a background check because no court had ever declared him mentally unfit. So, like hundreds of thousands of people who should not ever own a gun, he was allowed to purchase one. And then he went to a political rally.

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“I will shoot anyone in the head multiple times using a semi automatic weapon with a fucking huge ammo clip,” Wightman said.  “I’m sorry, I lost my train of thought.  Oh yeah, the point I am trying to make is to make it very clear that I will shoot and kill anyone who argues that gun violence – the epidemic of gun violence that is sweeping across our nation and tearing apart the fabric of our society.  Hell, it happened again. I totally lost my train of thought.”

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He purchased two hand guns, a shot gun, and a semi automatic rifle and passed all three background checks. No court had ever declared him mentally unfit. Consequently he was not in the federal database that is used to perform background checks of people buying guns.
After purchasing these guns, he went to the cinema.

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“Where was I?  Oh yeah, I will brutally murder anyone who so much as implies that guns have anything to do with gun violence or attempts in any way to improve mental health care for background checks to prevent someone like me from buying all the guns I want.  And then I will mutilate their bodies.  And if possible, I will sell the body parts – including fluids – to raise money so I can buy more guns.  That is how much I love America.  That is how much I love the Second Amendment to the United States Constitution that protects my rights to own and use weapons that are designed to kill people. Lots and lots of people.  Lots and lots of smelly, anti-American sinners who are building socialist agnostic, atheist, and Catholic robots that steal my luggage, violate my rights and infringe on my personal freedoms,”  said Wightman.

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He bought this gun at a gun show without a background check. And now he is watching your children walk to school.

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“No one loves America more than me.  Or guns,” said Wightman.  “Did I tell you that I make methane from my own poop?  I do it to stop the government from reading my thoughts.”

“The only option I will consider to remedy what is arguably an epidemic of gun related deaths in the United States is  what the NRA proposed, and that is posting armed guards in every school in the country.  But I do not want any taxpayer money to pay for it.  I want these armed guards to be volunteers.”

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Eager to volunteer.

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 ”In other words, people like me,” Wightman concluded before adjusting the aluminum foil cap covering his head.

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Gun owners are willing to kill in order to maintain unrestrained access to assault weapons and the lack of background checks for those buying automatic weapons.

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UPDATE: subsequent to the posting of this story,  5 additional people were accidentally shot at gun shows in the United States.

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VOICES OF THE REVOLUTION

The American Republican Party is breaking up.  A nascent war between the far right and the middle for the soul of the GOP has begun.

I predict  (and I am not alone in this) that the extreme right – the screeching lunatics who couldn’t keep their racist, misogynistic, homophobic mouths shut – will double-down on their lunacy and drive the GOP even farther to right edge of the political spectrum – and right off the edge of the political world.

We won’t actually see the GOP fragment into a bunch of independent, special interest parties before the next election. But, because the lunatics control the state-based primary and nomination process, the next Republican candidate will not even pretend – like Romney did – to be palatable to the majority of American voters.  The next Republican candidate will be openly racist, misogynistic, homophobic, dead set against immigration reform  and won’t even pretend to care about anyone making less than $500,000 per year.

That person, whoever it is, will lose to Hillary Clinton in an electoral landslide, but a close popular vote.

Which will cause the extreme right to go absolutely insane. They will triple down on their lunacy.

And that is the point when Republican moderates (yes, they do exist) will finally have had  enough.

The following recent voices are signposts into the Twilight Zone.

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“When I talk about a civil war in the Republican Party, what I mean is, it’s time for Republican elected leaders to stand up and to repudiate this nonsense [of the extreme right wing], and to repudiate it directly.”

Steve Schmidt, a top Republican strategist who ran John McCain’s 2008 campaign

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The demographics race we’re losing badly. We’re not generating enough angry white guys to stay in business for the long term.”

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC)

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 “We’ve got to make sure that we are not the party of big business, big banks, big Wall Street bailouts, big corporate loopholes, big anything. We cannot be, we must not be, the party that simply protects the rich so they get to keep their toys.”

Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-LA)

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“A majority of the American people believe that the one good point about Republicans is they won’t raise taxes. However they also believe Republicans caused the economic mess in the first place and might do it again, cannot be trusted to care about cutting spending in a way that is remotely concerned about who it hurts, and are retrograde to the point of caricature on everything else.”

Heather Higgins, conservative activist

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 “Let me just be candid: My party [the GOP] is full of racists, and the real reason a considerable portion of my party wants President Obama out of the White House has nothing to do with the content of his character, nothing to do with his competence as commander-in-chief and president, and everything to do with the color of his skin, and that’s despicable.”

Retired Army Col. Lawrence Wilkerson

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“If the party doesn’t change, we can put the party on a Carnival cruise line ship during the next election and they can enjoy themselves up and down the Caribbean because that’s about the size it will become.”

John Weaver, a GOP strategist who ran ex-Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman’s presidential bid

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 “The Republicans are for free enterprise, but not free people. And that is their fundamental problem. Their freedom only applies to businesses, not individuals.”

Jennifer Granholm, commentator for politico.com

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 “In reality, the Republican Party didn’t lose the election because of Sandy, or Christie, or a mural. It lost because 71 percent of Latinos, 93 percent of black people, 73 percent of Asian Americans, and 55 percent of women voted against it. The party did not embrace policies that appeal to these demographic groups—and lost. And that’s the GOP’s fault.”

Jake Heller, reporter

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 “At the end of the day, conservatives were left out in the cold. It should have been a landslide for Romney – had he embraced a truly conservative agenda.”

Brent Bozell, president of the conservative Media Research Center

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 “We didn’t sell a positive vision.”

Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.)

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 “We need a legitimate third party to challenge the current system that we have, because I don’t believe that the Republican Party … has the ability to rebrand itself.”

Herman Cain

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“I can’t stop crying.  America died. The Democrat Party voted God out and replaced Him with Romans 1. In the Good vs Evil battle…today…Evil won. Thanks a lot Christians, for not showing up. You disgust me.”

Victoria Jackson, former actress and born again Christian

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“Tea partiers will take over the Republican Party within four years.”

Richard A. Viguerie, chairman of conservatiehq.com

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“If conservative lawmakers want to win elections, they better pay attention to and address youth voters currently swayed by leftist professors who indoctrinate them for Democrats with cherry-picked lesson plans and biased lectures.”

Jennifer Kabbany (quoting “several prominent educators”)

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“President Obama once said he wants everybody in America to go to college. What a snob.”

Rick Santorum

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“There are good decent men and women, who go out everyday to put their skills to test that aren’t taught by some liberal college professor trying to indoctrinate them. I understand why [Obama] wants you to go to college — he wants to remake you in his image.”

Rick Santorum

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HEADLINE – ROMNEY STEALS COLBERT’S ‘BETTER TOMORROW, TOMORROW’ JOKE

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SANFORD, Fla. – Mitt Romney’s final event in the Sunshine State struck an optimistic tone when he told a white, uneducated crowd of supporters – 90 percent of which are unemployed and have no health insurance – that a “better tomorrow, tomorrow” awaits them.

The enthusiam of the crowd — which chanted “kill the niggers and jews!” — appeared to energize Romney, as he took a detour from his prepared remarks.

“Tomorrow, we begin a new tomorrow,” he said. “We can begin a better tomorrow tomorrow, and with the help of the people in Florida, that’s exactly what’s going to happen tomorrow.”

“Mitt likes the word ‘tomorrow,’” explained Trip Tripperson, a Romney campaign aide. Tripperson immediately added that Romney is a big fan of the broadway musical Annie.

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“That’s my joke, and he stole it,” complained Steven Colbert, a late night comedian, who’s parody super pac has the slogan “Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow.”

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“‘Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow’ summarizes the stupidity of the American political process,” Colbert said. “It is the perfect satire of vapid, meaningless political slogans.  How can I continue using that as the slogan for my parody super pac if it becomes an actual vapid, meaningless political slogan said as part of Romney’s attempt to fool people into voting for him?”

“This is a theft of intellectual property, that’s what it is,” Colbert continued. “Romney has diluted my trademarked joke by using it as an actual slogan, hoping to persuade stupid people to vote for him.  He has drained all of the value out of what was a very clever and funny – and very trademarked – joke.”

“Comedy Central’s attorneys will be contacting Romney’s attorneys,” Colbert concluded.

Comedy Central is the cable network that produces and airs the Colbert Report, a satirical parody of conservative pundits like Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck.

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IT IS ALL OVER FOR OBAMA

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An entire demographic of Obama supporters has switch its allegiance – and their votes.

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blacks-for-romney

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EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH JON HUBBARD

Jon Hubbard

[Republican conservative Jon Hubbard has come into thehspotlightIfor what some consider racist comments.  In this frankly fictitious but candid interview, Representative Hubbard explains his views.]

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Mr. Hubbard you describe yourself as a “frustrated conservative.”

JON HUBBARD:  Yep.  I am a God fearing conservative Christian and I am frustrated.

POE:  What frustrates you the most?

HUBBARD:  Negroes.

POE: I beg your pardon?

HUBBARD:  You heard me. Negroes frustrate me the most. Hold on, hold on. Before you and your liberal commie friends get their panties in a bunch, let me explain that I don’t mean all negroes, just the ones that want to have the same rights as white people. You know – the uppity ones.

POE: Uppity black folk frustrate you?

HUBBARD:  Yep. The ones that don’t know their place and think they are equal to white people.

POE:  Black people aren’t equal to white people?

HUBBARD:  Of course not.  Any fool can see that.  They are genetically inferior in every which way they can be.  They are better at sports, I’ll concede that point, but they ain’t too bright. If it weren’t for free education and laws that give them the same employment rights as white folk, none of them would amount to much.

POE:  You write in your book Confessions of a Frustrated Conservative:

“The institution of slavery that the black race has long believed to be an abomination upon its people may actually have been a blessing in disguise.”

HUBBARD:  I sure did write that.  It is a truth I hold to be self evident.  Not like the one about all men being born equal.  That isn’t self evident at all.  What IS self evident is that people are NOT born equal.

POE:  Why do you believe that the system of slavery was a good thing?

HUBBARD:  Because negroes are much better off in America than they would have been if they hadn’t been captured and shipped to the United States.  If they had been left in Africa they would be living in mud huts and some weird click language and eating bugs.  But here in the United States they got food stamps they can use to buy watermelon, fried chicken and all the  Kool-Aid and malt liquor they can drink.  Compared to Africa, living in American poverty is paradise.

POE:  I see.

HUBBARD:  And they were better off under slavery than they are today being “free.”

POE:  Can you explain?

HUBBARD:  What are you, a retard? One of them mongolian retards?  You got dropped on your head when you were born, boy?  It is a self-evident truth that blacks were better off then than they are now.  Back then when they were slaves they got fed and taken care of. They didn’t have to worry about caucasian problems like earning a living and going to school and learning how to read and voting.  But that is all going to change.

POE:  How so?

HUBBARD:  There is a new revolution taking place. Conservative  God fearing white Christians are rising up to take back America.

POE:  How are they going to do that?

HUBBARD:  Simple. First, defund public education.  Turn all education over to businesses that run schools for profit.  Let the free market take over.

POE:  How will that solve the problem as you see it?

HUBBARD:  You must be a retard, boy. You can’t see what is right in front of you.  Let me try to put it simple so someone like you can understand: if there isn’t any publically funded education – or the public education that does exist is so underfunded that it can’t educate anybody – then only those with money will be able to afford to have their kids educated in expensive private schools, so only their children will be able to get good jobs.  And most people who can afford to buy education are white.  Sure, there are a lot of poor white folk out there who will get left behind, but the system will still favor them over poor blacks, so they should be happy. Nothing makes the unfortunate happier than some other group to look down on and feel superior to.

POE:  But there are plenty of blacks who have money now, and they will be able to afford to pay the cost of educating their kids.

HUBBARD:  There are fewer blacks with money than you realize.  The Jeffersons and the Cosby Show are fantasies. Black people don’t live like that. It is a lie to make liberals feel good. And even if there are a few negroes who do have money, in a generation or two it won’t matter because it will be okay again to discriminate against them in the workplace.  Their kids won’t get good jobs, so they won’t be able to afford to educate their kids, so those few blacks with money will slip back into poverty and illiteracy.

POE: But there are laws against economic discrimination.

HUBBARD:  Oh yeah. You’re talking about them civil rights, aintcha?  Well, we got that figured out too.  A law is only as good as the government’s will to enforce it.  Our program to pack every court with conservative judges is almost complete.  Soon it won’t matter if a black person who has been discriminated against sues, because they won’t win.  Ever.  As I said, problem solved.

POE:  And then what?

HUBBARD: As I said, the problem is solved.  If they don’t work, they will starve and die, so they will do whatever they are told to do.  It may not be called slavery, but it will look, sound, taste and smell exactly like it.

POE: Doesn’t this whole scheme conflict with your Christian values?

HUBBARD:  Which ones?

POE:  The Christian value of helping the poor.  Your plan makes more people  poor.

HUBBARD:  Yes, but it primarily makes black people poor.  And those greasy latinos.  But we are doing it for their own good. They are like children that need to be taken care of. They are happier when someone else does all that hard thinking for them.  Right now blacks who are educated and in the workforce doing complex and important jobs are miserable. And their inherent laziness makes them do a bad job, and that drags down our economy.  Black folk aren’t suited for good jobs that pay well and include health and retirement benefits.  They secretly yearn for a simpler time when white people were in charge and used a firm hand to maintain order.  Bringing negroes back to that state of grace is a kindness that surely Jesus would have approved of.

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Jesus would have approved.

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HEADLINE – REPUBLICANS ACCUSE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION OF FAKING JOB NUMBERS

MUNCIE –  Jack Welch, founder and former CEO of General Electric, Romney surrogate and de facto spokesman for the Republican Party stated that the statistics showing a slow but steady improvement for the national economy have been fabricated by the Obama administration.

“These are unbelievable job numbers,” Welch tweeted. “Chicago guys will do anything… can’t debate so change the numbers.”

Welch’s sentiment reflects a constant Republican complaint about the U.S. economy.  They believe it cannot be improving and must be getting worse.

“These numbers can’t be real,” Welch said. “We did everything we could to ruin the economy. We gave America George Bush and he gave us two wars and huge entitlements that he paid for with money borrowed from China.  He drove the deficit up to astronomical levels.  Obama inherited an economy that simply could not be fixed, and after he was elected, Republicans in congress did everything they could to  stop him from fixing the economy by create jobs.   So numbers showing any improvement must be wrong.”

Others disagree.

“These statistics show what we all know, and that is that the American economy is finally rising out of the dark hole that the Republicans dug for the nation and that President Obama inherited from George Bush,” said Big Bird, a Public Television celebrity. “Obama had an impossible job to do, but now his policies are working.  There is no need to make drastic cuts in public spending, especially funding for Public Television,” Bird said. “So Mitt Romney can go fuck himself.”

During his first Presidential Debate, Republican candidate Mitt Romney refused to say which government programs he would cut, but when pressed he said he would cut funding for Public Television.

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EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH PAUL RYAN

[In this frankly fictitious interview, Congressman Paul Ryan – Mitt Romney’s choice for Vice President – talked with People of Earth about his recent refusal to discuss Mitt’ Romney’s tax proposals because it would take too long to explain.]

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Congressman Ryan, let’s cut to the chase.  You recently appeared on Fox News and refused to discuss yours and Mitt Romney’s tax proposals because it would take too long to explain.

RYAN:  That’s right.  When Mitt Romney and I are elected, within the first 100 days of our first term in office we will cut every American’s taxes by 20%.

POE: How will you do that?

RYAN:  We will do it by closing tax loopholes.

POE:  Which ones?

RYAN:  Isn’t America great, Paul?

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POE:  Hold on. Let’s not get distracted.

RYAN:  What? Do you deny that America is the greatest nation the world has ever seen?

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POE:  About your tax proposals –

RYAN:  It’s about freedom, Paul.

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The freedom to die in the street.

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POE:  Congressman Ryan, I will talk with you about freedom later –

RYAN:  Freedom is great.

POE:  No argument there.  But –

RYAN:  It is great to be free.

POE: How would you cut taxes 20% for all Americans?

RYAN:  Could you repeat the question?

POE: How would you cut taxes 20% for all Americans?

RYAN:  We would do it by eliminating tax loopholes.

POE:  Which ones?

RYAN: Which ones what?

POE: Which tax loopholes would you eliminate to cut every American’s taxes by 20%?

RYAN:  We would cut a lot of them.

POE:  Yes, but which ones?

RYAN:  Well, it would take a lot of time to answer that question, Paul, so I would rather not do it.

POE:  We have all the time in the world.  Please feel free to explain.

RYAN:  I have many demands on my time. I am busy trying to save America from being destroyed by a secret Muslim socialist baby killer.

POE:  Clearly, you are a busy man.  So let’s use what time we have left hearing your explanation of how you and Mitt Romney are going to cut taxes by closing tax loopholes.

RYAN:  The explanation involves a lot of math.

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POE:  Do you understand the math?

RYAN:  I sure do!  I have the reputation in congress of being a number cruncher.

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“I TOTALLY crunched these numbers, you crunching mother cruncher!”

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POE:  Good, then why don’t you explain what you understand?

RYAN:  Because, even though I understand it – because I am real smart – it would take too long for you to understand it.

POE:  I am real smart, too.

RYAN:  Not as smart as me.

POE:  I have advanced degrees in mathematics and economics.

RYAN:  There still isn’t enough time for me to explain it.

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POE:  So you just want America to take it on faith that you are right – without any explanation before the election.

RYAN:  Bingo. On the nose.  Yes, exactly.

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POE:  But why should we believe you?  You lied to us about running a marathon in record time.

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RYAN:  (Laughing) yeah, I did lie about that, didn’t I?  But this is different.  I’m telling the truth here.  Mitt and I have a great plan to cut taxes by closing tax loopholes and it is a great plan but it is too complex for the average voter to understand.

POE: Okay. Then let’s try to apply some basic math here.  You want to cut taxes by eliminating tax loopholes.  That doesn’t add up.

RYAN:  Sure it does.

POE:  No it doesn’t.  People use tax loopholes to cut their taxes, to pay less tax.  Eliminating a tax loophole will increase the taxes for people who rely on those loopholes.  So by eliminating tax loopholes you are just shifting the tax burden from one group to another.  Some may see a tax decrease, but others will see a tax increase.

RYAN:  Not if you cut spending.  If you cut spending, then the tax reductions won’t increase the deficit because we are spending less than we are taking in overall.

POE:  You are talking about trillions of dollars in spending cuts.

RYAN: (Pausing) uh huh.

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POE:  What spending are you going to cut?

RYAN:  Isn’t America great, Paul?

POE:  Don’t change the subject.  True or false: you are proposing huge tax cuts for the richest Americans.

RYAN:  Can you repeat the question?

POE: Yes or no: you are proposing huge tax cuts for the richest Americans.

RYAN:  You changed the question from “true or false” to “yes or no.”

POE:  I did that to make it easier for you to answer. Here is the question again – yes or no: you are proposing huge tax cuts for the richest Americans.

RYAN:  Yes.

POE:  Yes or no:  without an increase in taxes or, in the alternative, a cut in spending, cutting taxes for the wealthy will cause further budget deficits.

RYAN: We prefer to call rich people “job creators.”

POE:  My question, again is – yes or no:  without tax increases or spending reductions, cutting taxes for the wealthy will cause further budget deficits.

RYAN:  Yes. President Obama failed to -

POE:  Yes or no:  if elected, you will not cut military spending, corporate welfare, tax breaks for oil companies, or federal give-aways to red states with Republican majorities, but will, instead, cut education funding, food and safety regulations, entitlement programs for the poor and elderly.

RYAN: No, that isn’t true.  We are going to save Medicare and social security.

POE:  But the rest is true?

RYAN: (Pausing) yes, but we are going to save Medicare and Social Security.

POE:  How are you going to do that.

RYAN:  It would take too long to explain.

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POE:  Yes or no:  you intend on “saving” Medicare and Social Security by privatizing them.

RYAN:  Yes, but we won’t be making any changes that will affect any people currently retired or about to retire.

POE:  What about people like me who have paid taxes our whole lives into the Medicare and Social Security system but who aren’t going to retire for at least ten years?

RYAN:  Oh. Well, people like you are shit out of luck.

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“I feel your pain, you poor, sick, homeless, irrelevant asshole. Get a job.”

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POE:  How so?

RYAN:  By the time you retire, the Medicare and Social Security systems as we now know them will have been abolished and replaced by a voucher system where every American gets a flat payment they can use for retirement living expenses or medical care.  Or they can invest that money in the stock market and become rich the way Mitt Romney and his rich friends have.

POE:  What if the stock market crashes after I converted my retirement and health care vouchers into stock?

RYAN:  Shit out of luck.

POE:  What if I keep the money, but my living expenses and medical care are higher than what the voucher covers?

RYAN:  Shit out of luck. But so what? That’s your fault for not working harder and saving more, or, if your stock investments tank, its your fault for not having enough money to hire expensive investment advisors like the kind Mitt Romney and I have to help us know when the stock market is going to crash so we can take our money out before that happens and make huge profits off of the backs of people like you who can’t afford the same level of financial advice and so couldn’t get their money out of the market before it crashes.  And it is going to crash. It always crashes.

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RYAN:  That’s how people like Mitt and me make our money. We buy low after a crash, then sell high right before the next crash.  This process essentially takes money out of your pocket and puts it in ours.  And we didn’t have to do anything other than hire someone to tell us when to buy and when to sell – people you can’t afford to hire.  The free market is a beautiful thing.  We get rid of Medicare and Social Security and give you a check instead to invest in the stock market. Then we take that money the government gave you when the stock market crashes and you lose that money you invested – to us!  We get richer, and better able to pay for the advice we need to do it again, and you get poorer and less able to pay for the kind of financial advice you need to avoid being a victim to the financial game that we are essentially forcing you to play but that we fixed to benefit us at your disadvantage!

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RYAN:  When the US government encouraged people to gamble with their retirement money by investing it in the stock market it resulted in the biggest redistribution of wealth from the middle class to the upper class in history!  We can do the same thing with Medicare and Social Security, and the beauty part is that these “vouchers” will be paid for with tax money – middle class tax money – being snatched out of the hands of elderly Americans and sucked right into the offshore tax sheltered secret bank accounts of the wealthy!

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It’s socialism in reverse! Instead of redistributing wealth downward from the rich back to the poor, it redistributes wealth upward!

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POE: So that is how you are going to save Medicare and Social Security?

RYAN:  Yup.

POE: By destroying it and replacing it with a voucher system that favors the rich at the expense of the middle class and poor?

RYAN:  We prefer the term “reform.”

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POE:  A distinction without a difference.

RYAN:  That is free market economics, baby!  It is what made American great. Well, to be honest – and, as we’ve determined in this interview, honesty does not come easy to me – free market economics made some Americans great, but not all.  And for a good reason. Someone has to be so afraid of starving to death and dying of preventable disease to work for near starvation wages and be grateful for it in order for a very small group of people who don’t work at all to be super rich forever.

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If they get hungry enough, they will be satisfied with less.

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RYAN:  That is how every system that allowed a small group of people to get rich and stay rich has worked through the ages.  Something went wrong here in America, but Mitt and I – joined with a Senate and House of Representatives controlled by social conservatives – will set it right.  I mean, look at China!  They have what we want:  a huge group of serfs without health insurance of any kind working hard for virtually nothing to make less than 1% of the Chinese population rich!

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RYAN: Sure, you get the occasional peasant riot in factories, that are more like prisons with barbed wire fences and guard towers around them, but look at how the Chinese deal with those ingrates – they round them up, throw them in real prisons where they make them work, this time for no pay, and then sell their internal organs to rich people all over the world who get the best medical care their money can pay for so they can live on virtually forever.

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RYAN:  Look at Dick Cheney!  He should have died years ago.  For a while he didn’t even have a heartbeat!  But he is rich!  We are so close. So close to getting that for everyone who counts, who matters – the job creators.

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RYAN:  It is so close.  But with voter suppression efforts, voter vigilante gangs that will harass minority voters at the polls, and with the grace of God, we will win this election and the revolution will be an accomplished fact.  This may be our last chance.  If Obama wins, he will improve education, which means the average voter is more likely to see through the bullshit I am spouting and realize that I want to use Big Government to make me and my rich friends even richer and to impose an economic system on America that is the modern equivalent of feudalism where workers have no rights and the poor are free to die, and where the wealthy ruling class uses modern technology to suppress dissent by listening to phone calls and reading emails and text messages to find the potential leaders of any popular revolt and have them arrested because they are terrorists trying to overthrow the political system oppressing and enslaving them.

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RYAN: We are so close. Everything is in place.  We have the legislation we need to suppress dissent. The vast majority of the population is now dependent on electronic means of communications like phones and the internet; there are CCTV cameras everywhere, which means we have everyone under surveillance. We control the Supreme Court.  The Press is now irrelevant as a watchdog.  We are about to take over congress and the executive office. We won’t get a chance like this again for a generation, if ever.  So this is it. We have to take advantage of a stupid, undereducated electorate before steps are taken to teach them critical thinking skills.

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HEADLINE – ROMNEY PANDERS TO MAINLAND CHINESE FOR CAMPAIGN CASH

MUNCIE – After declaring China the “main enemy” of the United States and promising to start a trade war if elected, Mitt Romney announced plans to ask  Chinese nationals to contribute money to his campaign.

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“I don’t see anything inconsistent or hypocritical about this at all,” Romney said as he attempted to open a window in his private jet flying to Hong Kong to attend a fund raising dinner. “Darned thing is broken,” Romney complained when he failed to find a handle to “roll down” the jet window.

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“When Mitt was in charge of Bain Capital, he oversaw the export of thousands and thousands of American jobs to China,” said Romney Spokesman Trip Whiteman. “The least they can do is toss some cash at him in repayment,” Whiteman added.

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“I love the Chinese,” Romney said. “They are all the right height.  And their workers are grateful for their jobs, they don’t have health insurance, it is very, very difficult to escape poverty, and they like me – which is what I want for America,” Romney concluded.

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He has a vision.

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HEADLINE – DONALD TRUMP SAYS “VENGEANCE IS A CHRISTIAN VALUE”

 

“Jesus wants me to take vengeance against my hair stylist.”

MUNCIE –   During a speech on Monday at the Lynchburg, Virginia Christian college, Liberty University, Donald Trump gave the assembled Christian students some advice: “Get even.”

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“A few of you may say my advice is anti-Christian. Wrong!” Trump said.

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A student pointed out that Trumps advice conflicts with Christ’s Sermon on the Mount recorded in chapters 5-7 of the Gospel of Matthew, where Jesus tells his followers to reject the Old Testament rules on eye-for-an-eye justice and, if slapped, turn the other cheek rather than retaliate.

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 ”Don’t believe any of that malarky,” Trump responded.  ”Jesus was being misquoted by the liberal media.”

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The liberal media makes Jesus very, very angry.

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“Believe me, the central message of Christianity is “every man for himself” and “always kick a man when he’s down because there is no better time to do it,” Trump said.

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Trump, married three times, then advised the assembled students to get prenuptial agreements before they get married.

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“Jesus wasn’t married and I know why,” Trump said.  ”It is because they didn’t have prenuptial agreements in those days so if you got married you were screwed if you wanted to get out of it, especially if you had a lot of money and the woman seduced you because she wanted your money.  But Jesus avoided all of that by not getting married. I’m not saying he didn’t play the field. He just didn’t get married.  I am absolutely sure that, if Jesus had access to a prenuptial agreement, he would have been married. At least once.”

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Maybe more than once.

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The university has posted a video of Trump’s speech on its website, noting that Chancellor Falwell introduced Trump as ”one of the greatest visionaries of our time.”

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EVEN MORE PROOF THAT MITT ROMNEY SHOULDN’T BE OUR NEXT PRESIDENT

This is real.

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Here is exactly what Romney said:

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When you have a fire in an aircraft, there’s no place to go, exactly, there’s no — and you can’t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t open. I don’t know why they don’t do that. It’s a real problem. So it’s very dangerous.

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This man – who doesn’t know that, if you open a window on an airplane, you and everyone in the aircraft will die – is very likely going to be the next president of the United States.

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“I know there is a airplane around here somewhere….”

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“Hey, look at that! All the people look like ants!”

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HEADLINE – STUDY SHOWS ORGANIC FOOD NO HEALTHIER THAN NON-ORGANIC

(Reuters Health) – Organic produce and meat typically isn’t any better for you than conventional varieties when it comes to vitamin and nutrient content, according to a new study from Stanford University sponsored by corporations supporting chemical companies.

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Where food comes from.

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“I knew that there or-ganic stuff was a lie,” said Skip Henderson, a morbidly obese registered Republican welfare recipient without health insurance suffering from type 2 diabetes. “It don’t say nothin’ about no or-ganic food in the consitution or the bible,” Henderson added before devouring a triple patty extra cheese cheeseburger topped with bacon, ham and onion rings (described with approval in Leviticus).

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Skip Henderson and his little friend.

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“You can pay more for ‘organic’ food at some hippy farmers market, but why do that when it costs less to buy chemically enhanced food at your local supermarket that, due to the magic of preservatives, won’t spoil for years and years and years?” said Dr. Ernst Henderson, a spokesman for Cargil, a corporate food giant that co-sponsored the Stanford Study.

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Ernst Henderson

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“Organic food is a fraud,” said Henry Henderson, Junior Vice President of Goldman Sachs, an international investment firm with strong ties to the chemical industry that also co-sponsored the Stanford Study. “The study we paid for concluded that there is nothing wrong with eating foods rich in pesticides, preservatives, manufactured sugars, fats and other chemical additives that have been linked to cancer, obesity, diabetes, an increase in infant mortality and a decrease in life expectancy.”

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Henry Henderson

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“But here is the important thing to remember,” Henderson added.  ”The studies that concluded the chemicals our clients produce and sell at obscene profits, these studies weren’t paid for by the chemical industry or corporations with chemical industry ties, so those studies were unfair, anti-American and probably socialist.”

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Anti-American Socialists.

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“Let’s face it,” said Karen Henderson, a spokesperson for the Monsanto Corporation, “people who buy organic food and don’t buy industrially processed foods rich in chemical bonus materials, these people hate capitalism.” Henderson said.

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Pretending to engage in open market commerce.

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Skip Henderson agreed. “The liberal commies won’t let folks buy super large servings of soda!  What happened to freedom?  I say it is my right as an American to eat whatever I want as often as I want and as much as I want even if it is bad for me.  You can’t make me eat any commie organic food!”

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IS BROWN FACE AS OFFENSIVE AS BLACK FACE?

Mitt Romney recently appeared on Univision – a Spanish language television station – in an attempt to appeal to latino voters. hPeople noticed something differentsabout how Romney looked before the Univision appearance and during.  See if you notice any difference:

Romney on September 16, 2012:

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Romney on September 17, 2012:

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Romney on September 18, 2012:

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Romney on September 19, 2012, appearing on Univision:

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I think Romney was drawing inspiration from former Mexican President Vincente Fox.

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“Mi pene es este ancho.”

The person who convinced Romney to rock the soul patch has a lot to answer for.

HEADLINE – DEMOCRATS ACT TO SUPPRESS CONSERVATIVE VOTERS

MUNCIE –  To counter Republican efforts to prevent poor people, minorities and women – groups that traditionally vote for democrats – from voting, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) has embarked on a campaign to prevent stupid people from voting.

“Smart voters will never, ever vote for Republican candidates,” former GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorumisaid recently.m

“Stupid voters are the bedrock of Romney’s re-election effort,” Santorum continued.  ”Stupid people traditionally vote Republican,” Santorum said. “If they have a college education or read for pleasure you can be sure they aren’t going to vote for Romney.”

Mitt Romney’s campaign has spend millions of dollars in an effort to appeal to Birthers, knee-jerk jingoistic patriots, NASCAR enthusiasts, anti-abortion fanatics, proud morbidly obese Type 2 diabetics who don’t have or want health insurancei- even Snooki fans.I

 ”We are currently negotiating to get an endorsement from the Octomom,” said an anonymous Romney campaign strategist. “If we can appeal to stupid voters while simultaneously suppressing the poor/minority/woman vote then we should be able to win this thing in November,” the Romney strategist said.

The DNC is fighting fire with fire. “If the Republicans try to prevent democrats from voting, then the DNC going to attempt to suppress the stupid vote,” said Trixie LaRue, a DNC spokesperson.

The plan is fairly simple:  the DNC will set up fake polling places/voting areas on election day with signs outside that read:

“A smart person will read that sign, understand the warning and not vote at that location.  A stupid person, however – i.e., a likely Republican voter – will probably not read the small print, will be impressed by the bright colors, and go into the fake area to vote,” LaRue said.

And when they get into the fake voting booth, they will be given the following fake ballot:

“The average stupid voter will believe they voted for Romney/against Obama, feel pleased with the result, go home, and never realize they didn’t really vote,” LaRue said.

“Early fake voting” is scheduled to begin tomorrow in Mississippi, Texas, Missouri, Indiana, West Virgina and Arizona.

(FURTHER) CONFESSIONS OF A DISGRUNTLED REPUBLICAN

And you kids – get your dog off my lawn!.

I know I am shouting my dissatisfaction in the political wilderness.  Explaining (again) why I am so unhappy with the GOP isn’t going to provide me with a better Republican choice for president in the 2012 general election.

But I am going to do it anyway.

When McCain lost to Obama, I saw it, not as a defeat, but as a victory for conservative moderates.  McCain lost his bid to become president because he kissed the ass of the Right Wing lunatic fringe and selected Sarah Palin as his running mate.  He picked Sarah Palin to appease the vocal lunatic fringe on the right who refused to support McCain picked an inexperienced, intellectually challenged demagogic ideologue that fit into their sick and twisted world view, rejected education and science, and gave lip service to their false Christian values.

Moderate conservatives like me – the former bedrock of the Republican Party – looked at Palin, read the notes she wrote on her hand to prepare for a debate, evaluated the odds of McCain’s poor health failing him under the pressure of the presidency – leaving Palin as President – and reluctantly decided to vote for Obama.  Any chance of Palin becoming President because McCain died in office was simply unthinkable and too horrible to contemplate.

It was our votes that made Obama president.  We did so hoping for two things: we hoped that McCain’s loss would prompt the GOP to reform itself, shrug off the right wing lunatic fringe like a dog shakes off a bad case of fleas, and provide the American people with a viable presidential and vice presidential candidate for 2012 that reflected the traditional Republican values of integrity and honesty.

That didn’t happen.  Instead of rejecting the lunacy that caused McCain to pick Palin,  the lunatic fringe was allowed to virtually take over the GOP, while the very flawed GOP primary system gave us Mitt Romney as the best of an awful field of candidates (Newt Gringrich?  Michelle Bachmann?  Rick Perry?  Herman Cane???).  And Romney won because he outspent his moronic opponents and for no other reason.

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[Romney's choice of Paul Ryan as running mate seemed, at first, to be a positive event.  Sure, it was done for the same reason McCain picked Palin - i.e., to kiss up to the GOP's lunatic fringe - but he wasn't stupid like Palin was, and that was a big difference.

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But it didn't matter.  Within the first few weeks of his being chosen as Romney's VP, Ryan revealed himself to be something of an idiot, and a dishonest one, too.  He was transformed from thoughtful young conservative to brain dead attack dog.]

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So the GOP has given me the choice of voting for Romney or allowing 4 more years of Obama.

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My problem is that I really, really don’t like Romney.  His primary strategy for winning against Obama tells us everything we need to know what kind of man he is and what kind of President he will be.  His strategy is based on cheating, deception and outright lies.

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He is blaming our current economic mess on Obama.  But every thinking American – or at least those with any kind of long term memory – knows that Obama inherited a mess so big that it almost took out the whole world.

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George W. Bush is not solely responsible for the crisis that happened during his second term.  The conditions that caused the disaster we are still deep within are the result of policies and inaction stretching back to the 1970′s.  But Bush’s decisions to cut taxes for the rich, to create brand new expensive unfunded entitlements for seniors, to pay for two wars with borrowed money and to do nothing to resolve the growing real estate and derivative bubbles – despite ample warning – were the straws that broke the world’s economic back.

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The point is that Romney’s attempt to criticize Obama’s failure to solve in four years what took over 40 years to happen is disingenuous and misleading.

Romney compounds this problem by avoiding talking about what he plans on doing to fix the problem that Obama didn’t or couldn’t.  And there is good reason for this: Romney plans on doing exactly what Bush did – the very tax, spending and regulation cutting policies that brought the crisis to full flower in the first place.

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If Romney succeeds in implementing his plans, he himself will save hundreds of thousands of dollars on his taxes – which are ridiculously low to begin with. And I don’t like that. 

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Romney is pinning his hopes for success on GOP state voter suppression efforts.  He is hoping that enough people who ordinarily vote for Obama won’t be allowed to vote because the republican controlled legislatures in swing states have passed laws making it more difficult for minorities and the poor to vote.

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This is victory through trickery, not through the battle of ideas.  It stinks and I don’t like it.

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I really hate Romney waffling all the time.  He will change his position any time he feels doing it will win him a few votes.

For example, throughout this election Romney has stated that on “day one” of his presidency he will repeal Obamacare. Period.  But it turns out Obamacare is popular. So Romney just announced that he won’t repeal all of Obamacare, just those parts he doesn’t like.  Then he had the audacity to claim that his obvious shift isn’t a change in his original position.  He thinks the American people are morons.

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But worst of all, Romney is willing to lie to win.  I won’t bore you with all the lies he has said, all of the deceptive statements obviously designed to mislead people into believing things that aren’t true.  I will give you only the most recent example.  A few hours ago from when I wrote these words, the American Ambassador to Lybia and three of his staff were murdered by a crowd upset with an American produced video insulting Islam (I’ve seen it; it is pretty horrible. It doesn’t excuse murder, but the film is really over the top insulting. People would riot if the same kind of movie was made about Jesus and Christianity).  In response to these murders, President Obama said:

I strongly condemn the outrageous attack on our diplomatic facility in Benghazi, which took the lives of four Americans, including Ambassador Chris Stevens. Right now, the American people have the families of those we lost in our thoughts and prayers. They exemplified America’s commitment to freedom, justice, and partnership with nations and people around the globe, and stand in stark contrast to those who callously took their lives.

I have directed my Administration to provide all necessary resources to support the security of our personnel in Libya, and to increase security at our diplomatic posts around the globe. While the United States rejects efforts to denigrate the religious beliefs of others, we must all unequivocally oppose the kind of senseless violence that took the lives of these public servants.

On a personal note, Chris was a courageous and exemplary representative of the United States. Throughout the Libyan revolution, he selflessly served our country and the Libyan people at our mission in Benghazi. As Ambassador in Tripoli, he has supported Libya’s transition to democracy. His legacy will endure wherever human beings reach for liberty and justice. I am profoundly grateful for his service to my Administration, and deeply saddened by this loss.

The brave Americans we lost represent the extraordinary service and sacrifices that our civilians make every day around the globe. As we stand united with their families, let us now redouble our own efforts to carry their work forward.

Here is what Romney said in response to the President’s statement:

 When our grounds are being attacked, and being breached, that the first response of the United States must be outrage at the breach of the sovereignty of our nation. And apology for America’s values is never the right course,he said, slamming the Obama administration for “sympathiz[ing] with those who waged the attacks.

 I think it’s a — a — a terrible course to — for America to — to stand in apology for our values. That instead, when our grounds are being attacked and being breached, that the first response of the United States must be outrage at the breach of the sovereignty of our nation.

An apology for America’s values is never the right course.

They clearly — they clearly sent mixed messages to the world and the statement that came from the administration and the embassy is the administration. The statement that came from the administration was — was a statement which is akin to apology and I think was a — a severe miscalculation.

But it’s also important for me, just as it was for the White House last night, by the way, to say that the statements were inappropriate, and in my — in my view, a — a disgraceful statement on the part of our administration to apologize for American values.

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Is he kidding?  Romney so utterly misrepresented what Obama said that it amounts to a lie.  The President’s statement didn’t apologize for American values. Romney is trying to feed into the whisper campaign that Obama is a muslim sympathizer, possibly a secret muslim himself, and that he apologizes for being American.  This is a calculated attempt to deceive the electorate in order to get a few votes.

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I really, really don’t like that about Romney – that he is willing to do anything, say anything to anyone to win.

And this is the man the GOP has placed on the ballot for me to vote for.  Not Chris Christie.  Not Tim Pawlenty.  Not Marco Rubio.  Not John Huntsman.

Out of all the people they could have chosen, they gave us Mitt Romney: a morally bankrupt rich guy, trying hard to hide just how rich he is, a bully and gay basher when he was a teenager, and willing to sell his soul to become President of the United States.

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HEADLINE – IRANIAN OFFICIAL CANCELS CANADIAN TRIP

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MUNCIE – A top Iranian official has canceled his Canadian vacation plans to protest Canada’s recent decision to sever diplomatic ties between Canada and Iran.

“I was going to go to Banff to take in some skying, but screw that now,” said Osama bin Pharten, the Iranian Minister of Counterfeiting and Money Laundering.  ”As far as I am concerned Canada is no longer a vacation destination for me or my family,” bin Pharten said.

“And their bacon is stupid,” he added.

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A GRIM FAIRY TALE – The Schnauzers of Boogerville

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“Hello, children. Would you like to hear a story?”

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THE SCHNAUZERS OF BOOGERVILLE

            Once upon a time on Earth 35916782(a) there was a small town called Boogerville. In this town there lived a most contented family of schnauzers.  Poppa worked at the paper mill where he supervised the maintenance crew.  It was a humble job but it had lots of responsibility. Poppa was proud of the work he did and proud of the men he supervised.

            Momma worked in the family home taking care of her two puppies, Jessica and Max.  Jessica, being the older of the two, had a fine sense of responsibility. She loved her little brother very much and did all she could to keep him out of trouble, but somehow trouble always found Max.  He was always falling into puddles and chasing cars.  But overall, Jessica and Max were good dogs. Momma and Poppa were proud of them and loved them very much.

            One day while Poppa was reading his newspaper at breakfast before work, he read that people wanted to change the name of Boogerville to something else.  The article said that there was going to be a town meeting that night to decide the issue.

            “They want to change the name of Boogerville,” Poppa said to Momma as she scrambled eggs for breakfast.

            “For heaven’s sake, why?” Momma asked.

            “Some folks are embarrassed by our town name,” Poppa read. “They think it hurts business and depresses property values.

            “What are property values, Poppa?”  Jessica asked, stirring her Cream of Wheat.

            “Well, honey, property values are something grownups talk about when they lack conversational skills.”

            “Oh,” Jessica said, sounding a little sad.

            “I’m an astronaut!” Max yelled as he ran through the kitchen with a bucket on his head.  Max bumped into the wall and fell to the ground, moaning.

            “Oh, that boy,” Poppa said, smiling and shaking his head.

            “He sure is,” Momma agreed.

            “Well,” Poppa said, putting down his newspaper. “I think it is terrible that they want to change the name of Boogerville.  Our town has been Boogerville since before the War for Independence!  It is wrong to change it because some people don’t like it.

            “But what can we do?” Momma asked.

            “We can go to the meeting tonight and tell them how we feel about it!” Poppa proclaimed.

            So that night after work on the day of the big meeting Poppa dressed in his very best and most expensive suit. Momma put on her prettiest dress. Jessica combed her fur and Max chewed on a pair of slippers.

            They walked together, with Poppa in the lead, all the way across town to City Hall where the meeting was taking place.  The schnauzer family found seats somewhere in the middle of the auditorium and listened quietly as Councilman Hamphister spoke.

            “I am tired of being embarrassed by the name of the town I live in!” he proclaimed. “I think I speak for everyone here when I say that Boogerville is a terrible name for a town!  We need a new name.”

            “Thank you, Dick,” the Mayor said as Hamphister sat down. “Unless there is someone else who wants to say something, I move that we vote –“

            “I have something to say,” Poppa said and his voice rang out through the hall.  Everyone watched as Poppa walked up to the podium and, standing on a chair in front of the lectern, began to speak.

            “I must oppose any motion to change the name of our town,” Poppa began.  “For the last two hundred and seventy-five years this place has been called Boogerville. The Battle of Boogeville was the turning point in the Civil War.  Two American Vice Presidents were born in Boogerville. Instead of being embarrassed, we should hold our heads up with pride!  The sons of Boogerville fought in the American Revolution, the War of 1812, the Civil War, the Spanish American War, and both World Wars.  We fought for freedom in Korea and Vietnam.  Now our sons and daughters serve with distinction in the Middle East.  Our humble town is a center for business and art.  Our schools are the best in the Tri-State area.  We say hello to each other on the street and we help each other during times of trouble.  We are the children of Boogerville, and I say we hold our heads up high with pride and proclaim to the world “Boogerville is my home!”

            Poppa finished, staring defiantly into the crowd.  And then, out of the hushed silence, someone shouted “Hey! It’s a talking dog!”

            The crowd descended upon Poppa. Momma, Jessica and Max made a run for it, but it was too late.  Only Max got away.  Poppa, Momma and Jessica were put in a cage and sold to a university where they were subjected to unspeakable medical experiments. Max ended up performing in a traveling carnival as Jojo the Talking Dog Boy.  He wasn’t happy, but at least he ate regularly.

THE END

MORAL OF THE STORY:  If you are different in any significant way, don’t ever let anyone know or you might end up being used for medical experiments.

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A Flagrant Violation of Copyright

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video_subtitles.html

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In the original, didn’t the idealistic good guys all die in the end?

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EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH WILLIAM TODD AKIN

U.S. Congressman William Todd Akin

[William Todd Akin is the U.S. Representative for Missouri's 2nd congressional district, and has served in congress since 2001. He is a member of the Republican Party. He is a "pro life" politician, opposing abortion for any reason or under any circumstances other than "forceable rape."  Akin recently stated that it is "really rare" for women who are the victims of "legitimate rape"to become pregnant. In this frankly fictitious interview, Congressman Akin explains his argument.]

PEOPLE OF EARTH: Congressman Akin, thank you for agreeing to speak with us today.

WILLIAM TODD AKIN: My pleasure, Paul.

POE: Let’s cut to the chase: the Internet is abuzz with reports that you recently stated that women who are raped don’t get pregnant.

AKIN: Well, that’s not true, Paul. I did not say that women who are raped never get pregnant. I said that, when women are legitimately raped, they tend not to get pregnant because the female body has ways to shut that whole thing down.

POE:  Sort of a “Jedi uterus trick?”

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“These aren’t the rapists you are looking for…”

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AKIN:  Conservative Republicans prefer to call it “God’s little protective shield.”

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POE: But this shield only works in cases of  ”legitimate rape?”

AKIN:  Exactly.

POE: When is a rape illegitimate?

AKIN:  An illegitimate rape happens when a woman asks for it, Paul. For instance, if she wears a sexy dress, or puts on lipstick, or leaves the house. When that happens, the woman who claims she was raped bears some responsibility for what happened, and that means she wanted it, so it isn’t really a rape, is it?

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POE: Let me see if I understand your argument. Are you saying that, if a woman gets pregnant, she wasn’t raped?

AKIN: Yep. That’s what I’m saying. When a woman is raped, her body magically rejects the sperm of the rapist, preventing pregnancy. But if she wanted it or enjoys the experience, then she will get pregnant. *

POE:  So you are saying that if a woman gets pregnant, her pregnancy is proof she wasn’t raped?

AKIN:  Exactly.  Yes.  Praise God.

POE:  What about the idea that no means no?

AKIN:  Well, son, take my word for it – sometimes no means yes.  Heck, if a young fella couldn’t have any fun unless a woman gives him permission, then our race would die out.  And if she gets pregnant then that is proof she changed her mind, isn’t it?

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POE: I think that’s one of the most antediluvian, backward, repugnant things I have ever heard in my life – and I’ve heard a lot of antediluvian, backward repugnant things.

AKIN: I didn’t understand a lot of those words, Paul, so I interpret what you said as disrespecting my Christian values.  Jesus hated women, Paul.  It’s right there in the Bible.  I believe that a woman’s place is in the home, and if she leaves her home – especially without a male escort – then she has no one but herself to blame for what happens next.

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AKIN: And even if she didn’t ask for it, and she gets pregnant, it would be wrong to punish the child for the mistake she made.

POE:  The mistake of going outside without a man to protect her?

AKIN:  Exactly.

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POE: You’re a candidate for the United States Senate, right?

AKIN: Yep.

POE: How are you doing?

AKIN: I’m way ahead of my Democrat opponent in the polls.

POE: And the people of Missouri know your views on legitimate and illegitimate rape?

AKIN: They sure do. **

POE: Then God help us all.

AKIN: No, Paul. God is not going to help all of us.  He is going to help conservative, God fearing Republicans like me regain control of our government, bring back the America we want, and wipe the liberal communist socialist slime off of our great nation by putting women, minorities, homosexuals, liberals and miscegenists back in their place.  Oh yeah, and He is going to help us get rid of all those immigrants, too.  Mud people, Paul. I’m talking about mud people.

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*  The “legitimate/illegitimate” rape distinction is virtually identical to the medieval English belief that a woman could not get pregnant unless she enjoyed having sex with a man.  More specifically:

Misunderstandings of medieval medical men abound on the topic of pregnancy, and by extension, rape. Inspired by the Classical physician Galen, medieval medicine taught that women could only get pregnant if they had derived pleasure from the sex—and not mere pleasure, either; in order to conceive a woman would have to reach orgasm. There may be a small kernel of logic to this assumption, considering that medieval medicine understood women’s bodies in large part only though comparison to the bodies of men. In most cases, a man can only impregnate a woman if he ejaculates, which by definition means orgasm. Centuries later, science and psychology is still trying to understand the female orgasm. But one thing modern science can say without any doubt is that there is no link between a woman’s orgasm and her ability to become pregnant. The medieval belief that this link existed was the cause of great distress for many medieval Englishwomen who were victims of rape. If a woman can only conceive a child after having experienced orgasm, then all pregnant women enjoyed the sex that got them pregnant…and therefore the sex could not have been rape.

See  http://cold-wombs-and-fatal-motherhood-womens-sexual-safety

Social conservatives who use the GOP as a platform to correct the errors of social programs consider this exact argument as scientific evidence that a woman who is actually and truly raped cannot get pregnant.  A social conservative pundit, Peter Cornswalled, summarizes the argument as follows:

It is not possible for a woman who is actually raped to become pregnant. A woman who becomes pregnant must have had a moment of issue, meaning she enjoyed what happened. Regardless of how the encounter began, by achieving a moment of issue the woman has consented to all that went before. The act of becoming pregnant is, due to the biology with which God gifted us, proof that the woman was not raped.

See http://petercornswalled.blogspot.com/2012/03/myth-of-rape-pregnancies.html

Vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan co-sponsored a bill in congress outlawing all forms of abortion except for pregnancies resulting from “forceable rape.”  The “forceable rape” versus “non forceable rape” distinction mirrors the medieval concept described above – i.e., Ryan and Akin believe that rape is an awful, violent experience that no woman could take pleasure from – which means a raped woman cannot get pregnant. But a woman who gets pregnant after sex must have enjoyed the experience and therefore wasn’t raped.

** CNNPolitics reports: “Akin was one of the first members of Congress to join the Tea Party Caucus in 2010 and has easily won re-election in recent years. The lawmaker has raised a notable $2.2 million this cycle, as of July 18.”

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She’ll be put back in her place real soon.

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GEOPOLITICAL OUTLOOK: THE AMERICAN DROUGHT

It is often said that when America sneezes the rest of the world catches a cold. Even though the American Century is over, and American power and influence is declining, what happens in the United States still affects the world as a whole.  This has never been more apparent than it is right now: a drought in the United States is going to cause millions to die around the world.

Allow me to explain.

In the last century – especially after World War II – the United States used the lure of its comparative prosperity to seduce the world into remaking itself into America’s economical image. When China finally embraced the Western economic model, it became the 2nd largest economy on Earth in only a few decades.

We now know, however, that the American model was and remains deeply flawed. American-style capitalism, embraced by Europe, Asia, South America, and increasingly embraced by Africa, is essentially a shell game governments play to create the illusion of prosperity which in turn fuels consumption, leading to ultimate breaking points.

Prior to the Bretton Woods Accord, the cycle of boom and bust inherent in American-style capitalism was not much of a problem. The United States’ economy was just one economic system in a world composed of multiple economic systems typified by multiple currencies. It is well understood and accepted that the interplay of these separate economic systems was inefficient, typified by the chaos of international currency exchange rates. However, although inefficient, independent economies insulated the world from global economic crises.

That all changed after World War II. On July 22, 1944, the world’s major industrial states signed an agreement setting up the current world economic order more commonly known as the Bretton Woods Accord. That agreement established the  International Monetary Fund, the World Bank and what ultimately became the World Trade Organization (WTO).

The Bretton Woods Accord, combined with the United States’ unlateral decision in 1971 to terminate the gold standard (i.e., the convertibility of the American dollar to gold), resulted in the U. S. Dollar becoming the reserve currency for the world – which meant that all major international transactions took place in U. S. Dollars, and this essentially transformed the U. S. Dollar into the de facto world currency.

And this is why, even now when America sneezes the rest of the world catches a cold. Even though the American Century is over, and American political power and influence is declining, the entire world is still inextricably tied to the American economic system.

One of the consequences of the American economic model becoming the dominant economic model for all the world is the fungibility of agricultural products. Before the Bretton Woods Accord and the advent of the WTO nations zealously protected their food production capability. Prior to Bretton Woods, the foundation of a country’s national interest was domestic food production capability: wars were won by destroying your opponent’s ability to feed their armed forces.

However, after Bretton Woods such protectionism slowly ended and all nations aspiring to become part of the new, prosperous, economic system were required to place their agricultural production onto the world market. Prior to Brenton Woods the price of a bushel of corn depended on where it was grown and where was sold. After Bretton Woods corn production globally sets the price and a bushel of corn purchased in India costs virtually the same as a bushel of corn purchased in the United States.

Demand and the ability to purchase food dictates food availability.  For example, Dixon California is famous for its lamb production.  However, due to international demand for lamb fueled by growing middle classes in India and China, for short periods of time in 2011 people in Davis – which is a few miles from Dixon – could not purchase lamb; Dixon lamb producers were selling their entire production to Chinese and Indian meat distributors.

Nations can still play games with commodity prices and can engage in acts of quasi-protectionism, such as the recent decision of the United States government to aid American pork producers by buying their products at a higher price than the price the worldwide market imposes in order to ameliorate the effects of the American drought on American pork production. But these  protectionist manipulations only drive the price of agricultural products higher on the international market by reducing the supply.

And that is why millions of people around the world are now facing inevitable hunger and death. Millions of people around the world depend for their lives on surplus American agricultural production that keeps the price of food low enough for them to be able to buy it. The American Heartland –the breadbasket of the world –is experiencing a terrible drought causing a dramatic drop in American agricultural production. This shortage will cause the price of basic staples like rice, corn and soybeans to increase beyond the point where millions of people can afford to purchase them. And this means they are going to starve.

The international economic system dictates where this starvation will occur.  Despite the WTO rules against protectionism, nations that produce food surpluses will manipulate their agricultural systems to make sure that food supplies for their national populations remain affordable. For example, when the United States government purchases pork products from American farmers at prices higher than those dictated by international markets, the United States government supports the ability of those farmers to buy food with prices set internationally.

The same is true for nations with strong natural resource exports, such as Australia, United States, and Russia. Natural resource sales provide the liquid Capital necessary to buy food at inflated world prices.  However, this is true only for nations with robust economies.

For example, Venesuela imports food but exports oil and gas. However, Venesuela’s economy is collapsing; their oil and gas production is dropping due decaying infrastructure that is too expensive to repair.  The government of Venesuela is already bound by long-term contracts with other nations exchanging oil for food at prices set before the American drought. Consequently, Venesuela’s energy exports to not generate liquid capital that can be used to buy food at increasingly expensive international prices.

The nations that will be hardest hit by the consequences of the American drought will be nations that neither produce food surpluses nor export natural resources. Those nations will face food riots and eventual mass starvation.  These nations include Niger, Mali, Chad, Mauritania and Senegal.

We are already seeing signs of this happening. Farmers in Niger are selling their cows, goats and sheep to obtain currency sufficient to buy food.  Nomads dependent on their camels are selling them for the same reason. This is a desperate move and the positive effects are temporary. When the money runs out, they will starve.

China – despite its seeming economic strength and the flexibility of its capitalist dictatorship – is one of the nations that will be hardest hit by the American drought. Although Chinese coastal regions have experienced the benefits of unbridled capitalism in the world economic order, the rest of China is poverty-stricken. Even if this were not true, the Chinese economy is dependent on food and natural resource imports.  Egypt is also vulnerable.

So it is fairly certain that the poorest populations of our world will experience famine, food riots, and starvation. So the question is: how will the world respond?

The answer is fairly clear: the world community will do nothing substantial to prevent the humanitarian disaster that is rapidly approaching. The existing world economic order does not provide mechanisms for any meaningful response to the consequences of the Great American drought. The world’s industrialized powers that are best capable of shifting resources to alleviate world hunger are busy dealing with their own economic crisis. They simple cannot afford to respond to the pending crisis in any meaningful way.

This is not to say there won’t be a lot of activity. Certainly there will be at least one telethon where celebrities from around the world join hands and sing in the spirit of peace and harmony and ask the viewing audience to send money. Nations around the world will contribute millions of dollars toward aid relief. But, beyond the “feel-good” result of such efforts, millions will still die.

This crisis will not be remedied; it will be managed. Food will be distributed as it always is – to those with sufficient political capital to assure their survival. Those without sufficient political capital will die.

There are those who will argue that we should let them die, that all of this is for the best, that this is a result of the earth exceeding its carrying capacity, that there are just too many unproductive people and that their population must be reduced, that if we feed them now, all they will do is reproduce so that even more will die tomorrow.

So it seems quite certain that a lot of people are going to die. But before they die, they will fight. And the authorities controlling food distribution will attempt to suppress any unrest with force.

So the ultimate question is whether or not suppression efforts will succeed. If they succeed, the result is likely to be more repressive governments consequently better able to manage the next round of food riots that are sure to come.

If governmental suppression efforts do not succeed, however, it could lead Revolution.  The French Revolution was caused by food shortage. The Arab spring movement was likely started by a food shortage in Tunisia.

There is really no way to predict what will happen because American corn and soybean farmers did not meet their expected production goals. But it is fairly certain that the world is in for a bumpy ride.

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HEADLINE – Questioning Romney Tax History Irresponsible, says Fox News

MUNCIE Indiana – Fox News pundit Sean Hannity is questioning those who question Mitt Romney on his history of paying no taxes.

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Sean Hannity

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“Those questions are irresponsible,” Hannity said on Thursday.

“People who want to know if I ever paid any taxes are probably poor.”

Senate minority leader Harry Reid recently charged that sources inside Bain Capital, the private equity firm Romney ran, confirm that for as much as ten years Mitt Romney paid the equivalent of no taxes.

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“It feels GREAT to be filthy rich and not pay any taxes!”

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“That’s zero taxes,” Said Reid. “Zero taxes paid by a rich guy who says that if he is elected president he will cut taxes for the rich even farther than they are right now.”

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“If I am elected president, not only will rich people pay no taxes, everyone else will have to give them money! Big smelly piles of it! And I will also bomb Iran.”

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Romney’s return from his ill-fated European campaign trip was dogged by reporters yelling questions at him about Reid’s charges.

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“IT great to be in England. Did I mention that I think your Olympic games suck? Hey, what smells funny?”

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“Hey, Romney!”  a reporter yelled. “How many years did you pay zero tax?”

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“You want me to remember? Only poor people need a memory. People like me hire accountants to remember that stuff for us.”

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“That reporter ‘s question was totally irresponsible!” Hannity yelled at a group of immigrants.  ”And any questions about his time as governor of Massachusetts are irresponsible.”

“Hey, did I tell you about that great health care system I started when I was governor? It is exactly Like President Obama’s health care system and it worked great. But I am totally against President Obama’s health care system, and if I am elected president I will get rid of it on day one of my presidency. I know that sounds contradictory, but so what? Enough voters won’t notice or won’t care to get me elected!”

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“And so are questions about Bain Capital firing workers and giving their jobs to people in other countries.  And it is totally irresponsible to ask questions about the gay kids Romney bullied when he was in high school. “

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“Hold him down, boys!”

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“Or his views on Jews being hard workers and Palestinians being lazy. Questions about that stuff are irresponsible, too.”

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“Hey, its great to be here in Jerusalem talking to a bunch of hard working, thrifty Jews. I love Jews. They are all the right height. I have a joke: how many culturally inferior Palestinians does it take to screw in a light bulb? 100! See, they are so lazy that it takes a bunch of them to do something even one thrifty, hardworking Jew could do. Did I say how great it is to be here talking to a bunch of Jews? Did I mention that if I am elected president I start a war with Iran?”

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When asked what questions would be responsible, Mr. Hannity said “Any question about whether Barak Obama is a half breed muslim.”

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“Or trees. Trees in Michigan. How the trees in Michigan are the right height,” Hannity concluded.

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On the other hand, Mitt hates the trees in Minnesota. They are NOT the right height.

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OBAMA VS ROMNEY – THE TRUE DIFFERENCE

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I’m betting on the Professor.  For obvious reasons.

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HEADLINE – WHAT IS ROMNEY HIDING BY WITHHOLDING HIS TAX RETURNS?

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Money.

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He’s hiding money.

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Lots and lots of money.

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A shit load of money.

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So much money he can play with it – literally.

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Enough money for Romney to buy another small country.

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Ours.

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BONUS PICS: 

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CLICK ON IMAGES FOR LARGER TEXT

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DEAR CANADA: SORRY ABOUT ALL THE STUPID PEOPLE

Dear Canada:

First of all, how is the weather?  Good I hope?  Global climate change is going to be really good for you.  As the U.S. heartland transforms into a vast desert, the wheat growing regions are moving north into Canada, making you into the bread basket of the world (like we used to be).  And don’t even get me started on how much money you are going to make when the Arctic Ocean ice cap melts, opening up direct shipping from Canada to Asia, not to mention the resources of the Arctic you will be well-positioned to exploit, like easy to get offshore oil and natural gas (you lucky stiffs!). I hear you already have plans to sell that oil to China, transporting it cheaply across the Arctic Ocean to Russia and then via pipeline or train to China. Hot damn (no pun intended)!

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And how is your population?  Growing?  Healthy?  Life expectancy better than your neighbors to the south?  Great.  Really good.

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I’m writing to apologize, in advance, for the mob of stupid people who are headed your way from the United States.  Here is what happened:  the United States Supreme Court has upheld President Obama’s attempt to create a national health care system like you have, like Europe has, and like the rest of the civilized world has.

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This has upset a lot of really stupid people.  They don’t want improved health care. In response to the Supreme Court’s decision, this group of really stupid people have vowed to leave the United States and emigrate to Canada.

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No. Seriously.  Seriously.  I’m not kidding.  I know I am a kidder, and we’ve shares some really good jokes, but this time I’m not joking. Look, here are some tweets from some of the stupid people headed your way:

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Yes, I know how funny that is. Yes, I know that Canada has a national health care system.  But I told you these are stupid people.  And they are on their way north to you.

THANK YOU, CANADA!

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Thank you for taking our idiots.

Consider it payback for Celine Dion, curling and that joke you call bacon.

Even though they are idiots, I think they are in for a big shock.

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Sincerely,

Paul

Most Americans Oppose Obama’s Health Care Reforms, but Likes What it Does

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No joke: it’s real -

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A Reuters/Ipsos poll showed on Sunday that most Americans oppose President Barack Obama’s healthcare reform even though they strongly support its provisions.

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Medicare is a government run health care program.

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This seems, well, sort of stupid, if not crazy, so People of Earth: Attention located an average American to interview and find out what is going on.

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The average American voter.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Thank you for speaking with me today to clear up how you, the average American voter, feels about President Obama’s reforms of the American medical care system.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  It’s simple, Paul.  Like most Americans, I vehemently oppose the President’s plan while strongly supporting the reforms within that plan.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Let me ask you a different question.  Do you like cheese?

AVERAGE AMERICAN: I love cheese.

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Loves cheese.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Do you like mozzarella?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  You bet. I love mozzarella.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Do you like tomato sauce?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  I sure do.

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Loves tomato sauce.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Do you like dough that can be baked into a crust?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  You mean like pizza crust?

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Yes. Like pizza crust.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  I can eat it all day.

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Likes pizza crust.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Great. Do you like mozzarella cheese pizza?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  No, I do not.

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Does not like cheese pizza.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Why not?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  Because I am sick and tired of the government shoving pizza down my throat.  And a black man made that pizza.  It doesn’t taste right. It doesn’t taste American.  It tastes Kenyan. I bet there is dog on that pizza.  I heard it on Fox News.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH: Perhaps your opposition has something to do with the spices used to prepare the pizza.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  I don’t believe in spices. Like global climate change.  Spices aren’t expressly described in the Bible or the U.S. Constitution, so spices don’t exist.  Especially garlic.

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Doesn’t believe in garlic.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Garlic doesn’t exist?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  Nope.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  I think there was some in the salad I ate for lunch.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  No there wasn’t.  Garlic doesn’t exist.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  But I ate some.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  No you didn’t.  Look, do you see the word “garlic” used in the Bible or the Constitution?

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Has never read the Bible or the Constitution, but believes in their infallibility.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  No.  I don’t think the American Founding Fathers discussed garlic.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  Well, there you go. I proved it doesn’t exist.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  But I ate some.

AVERAGE AMERICAN: So?

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Solvitur ambulando.

AVERAGE AMERICAN: Huh?

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Doesn’t know that was Latin.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:   Nothing. Thank you. I have no further questions.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  Any time, Paul.  We’re about to sit down to dinner. Would you like to join us?

PEOPLE OF EARTH: What are you serving?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  Mozzarella cheese on a baked crust with tomato sauce.  My favorite.

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Loves cheese and tomato sauce backed onto a bread-like crust, but hates pizza because he heard bad things about it on Fox News.

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***

Postscript:

Global climate change is causing rising sea levels that are causing the erosion of coastline in those American states with ocean borders.  The State of Virgina is one of them – the same state with a Republican majority intending to pass a law that requires any woman seeking an abortion to have ahtransvaginal ultrasound/prior to obtaining an abortion.

Virginia’s beaches are eroding, and there is a bill in the Virginia legislature that seeks funds to study how to best address the changing sea levels and their effect on Virginia’s Atlanatic coastline.  However, prominent Republicans refused to support the bill because they do not believe in global climate change or “changing sea levels,”  but the bill obtained their support when the bill’s author amended the bill to replace the phrase with “persistent flooding.”   http://hamptonroads.com/2012/06/lawmakers-avoid-buzzwords-climate-change-bills 

God bless America and save us from the dark madness that is sweeping across out once great nation.

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Is fascinated by shiny objects and collects string – AND he votes!

HEADLINE – Michigan woman censored for saying “vagina.”

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DETROIT – A Michigan lawmaker has been banned from speaking on the House floor after saying the word “vagina” while debating a Republican sponsored bill that would strictly restrict abortion rights in the state.

“I’m flattered that you’re all so interested in my vagina,” Rep. Lisa Brown said, addressing the Speaker of the House, “but ‘no’ means ‘no.’”

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Brown was gaveled into silence by House Speaker James Bolger (R-Bumfuck) for “violating the decorum of the House.”  Brown was then barred from speaking during the debate about a school employee retirement bill because she used the “V-word” in an unrelated debate.

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James Bolger

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“Listen, silly, even the concept of a vagina is offensive and is probably an anti-American commie liberal socialist secular humanist plot,” Bolger said.  “Like global warming and a deserving poor person, I don’t think it exists. I married  two women, not at the same time of course – so there is no way I could be gay – and I never found either of my wives’ vaginas, and I tried terribly, terribly hard for years,” Bolger said before explaining how fabulous  Joan Crawford, Judy Garland and musical theater is.

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“I think I saw one over there.”

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“Seriously. Years,” said Bolger’s second wife, Charlene. “I did everything I could think of to help James locate my vagina, but he just can’t get past his fear that girls have ‘cooties.’”

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“If girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, then why do they smell like sardines?” whispered conservative Republican former Senator Larry Craig (married, with children) on the Senate floor during a debate to defund Planned Parenthood a few months prior to being arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover police officer in a men’s bathroom. Senator Craig didn’t realize the microphone was on when he whispered his joke to a fellow conservative Republican Bob Allen.

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“I haven’t worn underwear since 1978 and I have a big red arrow painted on my abdomen pointed down. Nothing seems to help,”Charlene added.

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Bolger’s first wife, Betty, agrees. “Jim doesn’t know anything about vaginas. On our wedding night he burst into tears, locked himself in the bathroom and wouldn’t come out until I promised to “put that thing away.”

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For many Republicans the “V word” issue is less about abysmal sexual ignorance, misogyny or covert homosexuality, and more about returning America to a better time before non-whites “ruined everything.”

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“Fair is fair. If I can’t say nigger then you can’t say vagina, okay?” said Republican political strategist, Baptist minister, Holocaust denier and high school drop out Trip Tripperson.

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Trip Tripperson

“You let me call negroes niggers again, and Mexicans wet backs, and Asians gooks, and the mentally handicapped morons, and homos faggots, and women bitches and cunts –  just like God intended – and I’ll let you call beavers vaginas.  I want my country back, okay? Where’s the birth certificate?? Where’s the birth certificate??!!!” Tripperson shouted in presumed support for Republican sponsored legislation requiring women to post nude photos of themselves in fetish poses on “Christian D/s lifestyle” websites before obtaining an abortion.

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Ron Severstone – the sole remaining moderate Republican – suggests a possible compromise. 

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Ron Severstone

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“There are plenty of ways white men can effectively discuss the plan to turn back the clock and utterly dominate the sex lives of women without offending the lunatic fringe that has taken over the GOP,” Severstone said, a Republican politician who will soon be accused of “hating America” for offering to compromise with “satan worshiping baby killers.”

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“For example, we can call it ‘the hoo ha’ or “the bad thing” or “the otter’s pocket” or – my personal favorite – ‘the lady cave,” Sevestone suggested before running for his life.

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Still others simply view this recent kerfuffle as part of an ongoing process. “History has shown that, when male dominated societies wants to control women, they make sure that women’s bodies are considered obscene as part of reducing a woman’s status to that of a servant and  as property, rather than as a person,” said Professor Judith Holmes.

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 “That is what is essentially happening now.  And, to be brutally honest, it’s working,” Professor Holmes said just before renouncing her American citizenship and emigrating to Australia.

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Prof. Judith Holmes

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The anti-abortion law passed in the House 70-39, with all Republicans voting in favor of it. The legislation now goes to the Senate and is expected to pass with only democrats voting against it.

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HOW NEWS REALLY WORKS

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AMERICAN PASTOR SUGGESTS “FINAL SOLUTION” FOR HOMOSEXUALITY

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No kidding.  A “final solution” like the kind Hitler suggested for Europe’s “Jewish problem.”

You simply won’t believe how evil this man is.  And he isn’t alone. Millions of Americans see no problem with what he proposes.

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Perhaps Bangar was right:  the central tenant of Christianity for these people is “love thy neighbor, but it’s okay to hate them and kill them if they are different from you.”

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HEADLINE – Repulblican lawmaker wants homosexuals killed.

The Mississippi state lawmaker who cited a Bible passage on Facebook calling for gay men to be “put to death” has taken to the social networking site again to refuse to apologize for the remark.

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Mississippi State Rep. Andy Gipson

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Rep. Andy Gipson (R-Braxton) went on Facebook Friday to say that although he has been receiving emails and calls from around the country about his citation ofLeviticus 20:13, as well as Romans 1:26-28, in a May 10 Facebook post on President Barack Obama’s endorsement of gay marriage, he will not say he’s sorry. 

“To be clear, I want the world to know that I do not, cannot, and will not apologize for the inspired truth of God’s Word. It is one thing that will never ‘change,’” Gipson wrote. “Anyone who knows me knows I also believe that all people are created in God’s image, and He gave us His Son Jesus.  John 3:16. It is this message that I preach every Sunday, along with my Christian belief that God wants all homosexuals to be killed. Jesus hates homosexuals.”

“I want that queer Richard Simmons to be the first with a bullet through is sinful homo brain,” Gipson added. “He gives me the creeps. Same for that freak Miss J on America’s Next Top Model. Now that’s a great TV show. Just great. Never miss it. I TiVo it when I’m at an “Invisible Empire” meetin’ so I won’t miss it. Hot wimmin runnin’ around in their underwear posing for pictures. Nothing wrong with that.  It pleases me, so it pleases God – except for the negro models. Its against the laws of God for the races to mix so I am against any encouragement in that direction.”

“Tim Gunn on Project Runway can stay for a while.  Yeah, he’s gay, and talks a little queer but other than that he looks normal.  I like his style. And I’m hoping maybe he can get me on his new makeover show,” Gipson said before walking into a wall, injuring himself.

“Easy come, easy go,” Gipson quipped before spitting out a few broken teeth.

Gipson also pointed out that, unlike homosexuality, God is in favor of and “smiles upon” slavery and selling women. “That’s what it says in Leviticus, so slavery and women-selling, especially virgins – and who doesn’t like virgins? – is a part of God’s law, so it should be America’s law, too. America is a capitalist country and selling women and negroes should be just as easy and free of government regulation as selling cows. We’re talkin’ commerce here. We’re talkin’ selling something with value for a profit – just as God intended. It’s in Leviticus. Look it up.”

‘I want all civil laws replaced with biblical law. Except for circumcision. If jews want to do that, then fine with me, but it makes no sense in the modern world because I think it is a bad idea. So except for God’s commandment about circumcision, we enact all the rest.  Well, except for that stuff about not eating pork.  I loves me some pork,” Gipson concluded.

In addition to being a Baptist Minister, Gipson, 35, has served in the Mississippi Legislature since 2008. He chairs a judiciary committee.  He supports Mitt Romney for president.

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