Archive for the Saron Category

Scared to Death

Posted in Mordor, ruthless dictator knock-knock jokes, Saron, South Korea, West Korea on September 10, 2012 by paulboylan

If you have any doubts about how awful it must be to live in North Korea, take a look at the photograph posted below.  It shows the current absolute Stalinist leader of North Korea, Kim Jong Un, posing with a North Korean family.

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They clearly cannot contain their terror.

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HEADLINE – Repulblican lawmaker wants homosexuals killed.

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, bacon, Bigotry in America, Brave New World, Corruption, Crime and Punishment, Early-onset dementia, GOP, Hate Crimes, Headline, Headlines, ανόητο άτομα, Mad Men, News, Occupy Mordor, Politics, pork, Pycho-Social Trauma, Religion and Politics, Saron, The Wrath of God, USA! USA! USA!, سياسة on May 19, 2012 by paulboylan


The Mississippi state lawmaker who cited a Bible passage on Facebook calling for gay men to be “put to death” has taken to the social networking site again to refuse to apologize for the remark.

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Mississippi State Rep. Andy Gipson

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Rep. Andy Gipson (R-Braxton) went on Facebook Friday to say that although he has been receiving emails and calls from around the country about his citation ofLeviticus 20:13, as well as Romans 1:26-28, in a May 10 Facebook post on President Barack Obama’s endorsement of gay marriage, he will not say he’s sorry. 

“To be clear, I want the world to know that I do not, cannot, and will not apologize for the inspired truth of God’s Word. It is one thing that will never ‘change,’” Gipson wrote. “Anyone who knows me knows I also believe that all people are created in God’s image, and He gave us His Son Jesus.  John 3:16. It is this message that I preach every Sunday, along with my Christian belief that God wants all homosexuals to be killed. Jesus hates homosexuals.”

“I want that queer Richard Simmons to be the first with a bullet through is sinful homo brain,” Gipson added. “He gives me the creeps. Same for that freak Miss J on America’s Next Top Model. Now that’s a great TV show. Just great. Never miss it. I TiVo it when I’m at an “Invisible Empire” meetin’ so I won’t miss it. Hot wimmin runnin’ around in their underwear posing for pictures. Nothing wrong with that.  It pleases me, so it pleases God – except for the negro models. Its against the laws of God for the races to mix so I am against any encouragement in that direction.”

“Tim Gunn on Project Runway can stay for a while.  Yeah, he’s gay, and talks a little queer but other than that he looks normal.  I like his style. And I’m hoping maybe he can get me on his new makeover show,” Gipson said before walking into a wall, injuring himself.

“Easy come, easy go,” Gipson quipped before spitting out a few broken teeth.

Gipson also pointed out that, unlike homosexuality, God is in favor of and “smiles upon” slavery and selling women. “That’s what it says in Leviticus, so slavery and women-selling, especially virgins – and who doesn’t like virgins? – is a part of God’s law, so it should be America’s law, too. America is a capitalist country and selling women and negroes should be just as easy and free of government regulation as selling cows. We’re talkin’ commerce here. We’re talkin’ selling something with value for a profit – just as God intended. It’s in Leviticus. Look it up.”

‘I want all civil laws replaced with biblical law. Except for circumcision. If jews want to do that, then fine with me, but it makes no sense in the modern world because I think it is a bad idea. So except for God’s commandment about circumcision, we enact all the rest.  Well, except for that stuff about not eating pork.  I loves me some pork,” Gipson concluded.

In addition to being a Baptist Minister, Gipson, 35, has served in the Mississippi Legislature since 2008. He chairs a judiciary committee.  He supports Mitt Romney for president.

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THE COMING AMERICAN RELIGIOUS WAR

Posted in American Decline, Antique surgical instruments, Common Enemy, Corruption, Crazy People, Crime and Punishment, Europe, GOP, health care, Hubris, ανόητο άτομα, love, Mad Men, Michele Bachmann, Missile Defense, Money and Power, Monsters, Mordor, Newt Gingrich, Orcs, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rage Against the Machine, ruthless dictator knock-knock jokes, Saron, Small Town America, The Great State of Montana!, Uncategorized, USA! USA! USA!, Victorian Era Knock-Knock Jokes, سياسة on March 3, 2012 by paulboylan

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I consider myself a Republican, conservative Christian man of faith. The problem is that I am Greek Orthodox, which the vast majority of the GOP base does not recognize as being Christian.

I cherish my freedoms, including the freedom to worship the Almighty the way I want. I will be damned if anyone is going to use the political process to impress their religious views upon me – and that is exactly what thehNew Republican Party is hell-bent on doing./

At it’s heart, this conflict is about the same things that caused and fueled the European religious wars of past centuries as well as every Jihadi’s fervor.  This conflict is about power and hate – in particular, the power to hurt those you hate.

The New Republican Party hates women.  Allow me to rephrase that – it hates independent, educated, thinking women who work outside of the home. Let’s call them modern women. And the reason why they hate these women is because their social, intellectual, economic and sexual independence violates a myopic interpretation of antiquated religious doctrine that has nothing to do with the central message that Jesus came to us to teach.

The New Republican Party is waging a war on modern women, and they have corrupted Jesus to do it.  They want to force women out of the job market, out of public life, out of graduate school and back into the four walls of the male dominated homes where ancient Semitic women were imprisoned and enslaved.

The revolutionary message central to Jesus’ teachings – and the reason the political system of his day murdered him – is charity, freedom and love.  This American crusade against women is about selfishness, control and hate.

And, to get the power to hurt the women they hate, these American Taliban have taken over and corrupted the GOP.  They support insurance coverage for Viagra to foster men having sex, but they are dead-set against insurance coverage for contraception or the use of tax dollars to pay for an abortion.

And who pays the ultimate price for this draconian scheme?  Women.  Like a male chimpanzee, a man has recreational sex and then walks away.  The women pays the price for that mutual decision by having no choice but to carry that embryo to term and then raise that child by herself.  She cannot work. She cannot go to school. She cannot participate in any meaningful way in the political process.  She is back where she belongs.

And what is the New Republican Party’s solution to this horrible conundrum?  Just ask Rick Santorum. He will tell you with absolute certainty that his solution is not just correct, but pleases God.  His solution is, essentially, to outlaw sex for any other purpose than procreation.  If Santorum, and the millions of right wing Americans who support him, get their way, the power of government can and should be used to make sure that every single time two people have sex they had better be prepared to have a child, and if they don’t want a baby, then they simply better not have any sex.

This is only one example of what the New Republican Party wants to do to America.  They want to use the power of government to force each and every one of us to live lives no different than the Puritan’s lived in Salem back in the 1600’s.  They pick and choose among the ideals of our Founding Fathers, agreeing with the freedom to bear arms but disagreeing with the separation of church and state.  They want our every day lives, what we do in the privacy of our own homes, to be regulated, to be dominated, by their perverted view of Christian values.

They are masters at self-deception and outright lying.  They try to minimize what they are doing by calling it “social issues.”  When the world found out that the Virginia legislature – dominated by right wing religious fanatics – was passing a bill that would force every woman who wants an abortion to first get a big stick shoved up their vaginas, the outcry was so powerful that those responsible for that repulsive law scurried around like the cockroaches that they are and revised the law.  And the governor of Virginia expressed his disappointment that Virginia’s consideration of a “social issue” would get such a negative reaction.

One person’s social issue is another person’s freedom.  By legislating social issues, the New Republican party is trying to take away everyone else’s freedoms.

Our founding fathers were personally aware of the wreckage the European religious wars caused.  For thirty years, what is now Germany was the battlefield for protestant armies fighting catholic armies. Thirty years.  Our founders decided to spare the people of the new nation they were creating that same pain.  To do it, they manufactured, for the first time in world history, a nation where people could worship God any way they wanted, so long as that worship didn’t mix with political power.

But that separation of church and state our founders created no longer exists.  Santorum – who could actually be elected our next president – actually states publically that there should be no separation of church and state.

The result is going to be the very war the Founding Fathers sought to avoid.  But what the hell. As Tom Petty sang, everybody’s had to fight to be free.

I am prepared to fight to keep these people out of my bedroom and out of my wife’s vagina.  What are you prepared to do?

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STATE MANDATED RAPE – An Interview With Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Antique surgical instruments, Crime and Punishment, Dogs, Fiction, GOP, ανόητο άτομα stupid people, Michele Bachmann, Mordor, Orcs, Politics, pork, Religion and Politics, ruthless dictator knock-knock jokes, Saron, Small Town America, The Wilhelm Scream, USA! USA! USA!, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, Victorian Era Knock-Knock Jokes, سياسة on February 23, 2012 by paulboylan

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[In this frankly fictitious interview, Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell talks candidly about the latest attempt by Republicans in the Virginia State legislature to pass a law requiring women who seek an abortion to submit to having a large, long wand shoved up their vaginas as punishment.]

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“The wand is at least this long,” said Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell

 

PEOPLE OF EARTH: Let’s cut to the chase, Governor.  What the hell is this law that everyone is talking about?

 MCDONNELL:  I presume you are referring to House Bill 462.

 POE:  That depends. What does House Bill 462 do?

 MCDONNELL:  It punishes women who want an abortion by mandating that they first get this big thing shoved up their hoo-has.

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 POE:  That’s the one.  How did this happen?

 MCDONNELL:  Through the democratic process that made our nation – and the great state of Virginia – great.  And here is the best part: we got a woman to introduce the bill! Haw haw haw haw!!!

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 MCDONNELL:  How great is that?

 POE:  Why is that great?

 MCDONNELL:  Because it is ironic, you moron.  Whatsamatter? Don’t you appreciate irony? I bet you went to a public school, huh? Are you Italian?  One of them Cath-o- licks?

 POE:  What does that matter?

MCDONNELL:  I take that as a big “yes.”

 POE:  What exactly does House Bill 462 say?

 MCDONNELL:  It requires doctors who perform abortions in the first trimester of pregnancy to perform an ultrasound to determine the age of the fetus.

 POE:  That doesn’t sound so bad.

 MCDONNELL:  Yeah, well, that’s what we hoped everyone would think, but some nosey Jew liberal found out that the only way to determine the age of a fetus during the first trimester of pregnancy is by performing a transvaginal probe ultrasound.

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 POE:  And what is that exactly?

 MCDONNELL:  Well, to do it, a doctor or qualified nurse has to shove what looks like a long pole up inside a woman’s lady parts. The pole is called the “transducer.” He he he. Guys around here are now referring to their Johnson as their “transducer” like “hey, Ted, is that a transducer in your pocket or are you thinking about voting for House Bill 462?”

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 POE:  Is there a medical reason for requiring a transvaginal ultrasound?

 MCDONNELL:  Nope. No medical reason or medical benefit whatsoever. But is sure as hell is gonna make ‘em think twice about getting an abortion, I know that for damned sure.

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POE:  Can the woman refuse?

 MCDONNELL:  Nope.  If she refuses we throw her in jail along with the doctor who did the operation without first shoving a transducer up her.

POE:  So if she wants an abortion she has to first spread her legs for the transducer.

MCDONNELL:  Hey, come on.  This isn’t virgin territory we are talking about.  She wouldn’t be there if she hadn’t had a “transducer” up in there in the first place.

POE:  But she has no choice about the procedure.

 MCDONNELL:  Exactly. Did I mention that the transducer has this bulb at the end? Eh? (Wiggles eyebrows suggestively.)

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Coincidentally similar to this.

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 POE:  Forgive me, but the whole thing sounds like state sponsored and mandated rape.

 MCDONNELL: Now wait a minute, as a Kath-o-lick you should be 100% in favor of a law that punishes women who want an abortion.  Isn’t that what Rick Santorum is all about?  Bringing back the moral foundation of the 12th Century when the Pope was in charge, no one was allowed to have any fun and witches were burnt?

 POE:  I’m not Catholic.  I am Greek Orthodox.

 MCDONNELL: What the hell is that?

 POE:  It is the oldest form of Christianity on earth.

 MCDONNELL:  I sort of doubt that.

 POE:  Why?

 MCDONNELL:  Because I never heard of it, and that means it probably doesn’t exist.  Look, I am unusually well-informed about the customs of mud people and I never heard of no Greek Orthodox Jews.

 POE:  We were talking about House Bill 462.

 MCDONNELL:  Oh yeah, the “Stick up the Hoo-ha” bill.

POE: Why isn’t that rape?

 MCDONNELL:  I am deeply offended by any attempt to compare a transvaginal ultrasound to a TSA airport patdown.

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 POE:  What?

 MCDONNELL:  I am on record as saying that the full body patdowns the TSA forces you to endure at the airport crosses the line in regards to concerns about privacy and civil liberties.

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 POE:  So you believe that forcibly patting you down at the airport, fully clothed, to make sure you aren’t carrying a weapon violates a person’s privacy and civil liberties?

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 MCDONNELL:  That’s right.

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 POE:  But forcibly inserting a 10 inch wand up a woman’s vagina doesn’t invade her privacy and civil liberties?

MCDONNELL:  Nope.

 POE:  I mean no disrespect, Governor, but it sounds like the Virginia legislature has its collective head up its collective ass.

 MCDONNELL:  So you’re against states’ rights, huh?

 POE:  States’ rights has nothing to do with it.

 MCDONNELL:   It sure as hell does.  This is another example of Obama trampling on states’ rights.

 POE:  No one in the Obama administration has said anything about this.

 MCDONNELL:  Yeah, but he’s thinking about it.  I can feel it.  He’s got these beady eyes that stare at you.  There’s all kinds of bad stuff he wants to do, a whole bunch of rights he wants to take away, but hasn’t talked about.  That’s why he can’t be reelected.  You know he hates white people, don’t you?

 POE:  Obama has nothing to do with this. States’ rights has nothing to do with this.  This is all about non-consensual, invasive sexual contact.

 MCDONNELL:  You hit the nail on the head, Paul.  And that’s how we’re gonna fix the problem.

 POE:  I don’t understand.

 MCDONNELL:  Well, the feminist lesbians, the Jews, the uppity negroes and illegal Mexicans and the liberal media are all upset about House Bill 462 because it forces women to go through a really horrible ordeal if they want an abortion.  So we’re changing the law so that it is consensual.

 POE:  You mean that women will be able to refuse to have the procedure performed?

 MCDONNELL:  Exactly.  The procedure will be performed only on women who want it.

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 POE: That means the law is dead. No woman will consent to a sexually invasive procedure that has no medical benefit.

 MCDONNELL:  Not necessarily.  There are a lot of freaky women out there. And, as you surely know, women aren’t all that bright.  I mean, look at the facts – we got a woman to introduce House Bill 462. Most women aren’t even going to know what a transvaginal ultrasound is.  So when someone asks them, “hey, darlin’ how would you like a free transvaginal ultrasound?”  I bet 99.9% of the time the woman will say yes, and embarrassment alone will prevent her from saying no once the procedure starts.  Heck, we’re thinking of legally changing the name of the procedure to “personality test” or “pedicure.”  Heck, they got their feet up anyway. Maybe they’ll think they’re gonna get their toe nails polished.

POE:  Why don’t you just buy them dinner afterwards?

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MCDONNELL:  Hey! That’s a great idea!

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POE:  No.   It isn’t.  It isn’t a good idea. Like House Bill 462, it is a very bad idea.

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“Hello, darlin’, would you like to take a free personality test or have a free pedicure?”

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MCDONNELL:  You worry too much. Look, if things for the good old boys get too hot, if the public outcry gets too loud, we can always withdraw the bill all together.

 POE: You think that will end this?

 MCDONNELL:  I’m sure of it. Because Americans have short attention spans, short memories and are, more or less, morons – especially in Virginia. God Bless illiteracy and generational poverty.  Look – I am clearly a fascist misogynistic ultra right wing sadist. Most of the men in the Virginia legislature are, too.  We don’t try to hide it.  It is a lifestyle choice. We like it when women feel pain.  They deserve it.  Heck, they want it.

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MCDONNELL: They need to be punished, first, for seducing Adam into eating the Apple of Knowledge and then later for learning to read and agitating for the right to vote and getting jobs outside of the home, which is against the Laws of God.  We’ll just tell the stupid woman who introduced House Bill 462 to withdraw it, she will do what she’s told, and, with enough time, all of this will blow over. And we can try it again when no one is looking.  We know what kind of Virginia we want. We know what kind of America we want. We want to be able to have all the sex we want without any risk of pregnancy because we can afford to buy birth control, but we want to make sure that poor people can’t because we like hurting them. Fun is for us. Suffering is for everyone else. We know how women should think and behave. And we are going to get it all because we are in charge.

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Update at 3:30 p.m. ET: Governor McDonnell said he would sign House Bill 462, The Washington Post reports.

 

Update at 4:19 p.m. ET: The Virginia House of Delegates has approved a substitute bill that would not fordce women to undergo the invasive transvaginal ultrasound before getting an abortion, the Richmond Times-Dispatch reports.  Women could choose to have the transvaginal procedure.  The vote in the Republican-controlled House was 65-32.

 

Update at 5:45 p.m. ET: Virginia State Senator Jill Holtzman Vogel – the Republican senator who sponsored House Bill 462 – now says she plans to withdraw the bill, according to news reports.

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POSTSCRIPT

This isn’t over.  House Bill 462 is a potent symbol of what has gone wrong with the Republican Party, and it will resonate for years to come.  And it’s true. The GOP is being “occupied” by political and religious fanatics who are so outside the American mainstream that it is hilarious, but isn’t funny.

They’ve alienated African Americans. They’ve alienated Hispanics. They’ve alienated homosexuals. And now they’ve alienated women as a class. Even those women, and men, who are pro life are horrified that House Bill 462 was even attempted.  These kooks have alienated the vast middle of America. And that means it is over for the GOP.

And the gaggle of clowns the GOP has thrust in our faces as an alternative to Obama have drifted away from the message of the economy and smaller government. Instead, they are fighting the culture wars again, focusing on social issues like birth control when jobs are all that should matter.  This is a strong sign that even they know they cannot win and are simply pandering to the republican “base” so they can have influence after they lose and make money like Sarah Palin did.

Obama is going to be reelected. Nothing can stop that now. The alternative is simply to horrible to contemplate.  And when that happens, the GOP will fragment into smaller parties that fight with each other for the power to go into people’s homes and tell them how to live their personal lives.

Our hope for smaller government is dead.  And rightly so.  We didn’t provide the American people with a coherent, acceptable alternative.

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Headline – Newt Gingrich surges

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, Bigotry in America, buffo, Cowboys and Aliens, Crazy People, Early-onset dementia, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, Evil Smiley Face, Frankenstein, gülen yüz, Geopolitical Insults, Get a job, greannmhar, Hapax Legomenon, Headline, Headlines, health care, Hubris, 재미, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα stupid people, kluchtig, lächerlich, Mad Men, Money and Power, Monsters, Mordor, News, Newt Gingrich, neşeli, смешной, Orcs, Paying Attention, People who suffer from abject pretension, Politics, Pop Culture, presidential candidate, Religion and Politics, ruthless dictator knock-knock jokes, Saron, Small Town America, snaaks, Stupid People, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, USA! USA! USA!, مضحك, مضحکہ خیز, What are you sick or something?, 滑稽, מצחיק, خنده دار on January 21, 2012 by paulboylan

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I certainly hope he cleans up after himself.

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HEADLINE – Romney Surrogate: Electability Should Trump ‘Beliefs and Principles’

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Bigotry in America, Brave New World, Headline, Headlines, Monsters, News, Politics, presidential candidate, Religion and Politics, Saron, Small Town America, Stupid People, The Second Coming, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, USA! USA! USA!, zombies on January 8, 2012 by paulboylan

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MUNCIE, Indiana - A New Hampshire surrogate for Mitt Romney said at a local political event that it’s evident he will be the Republican presidential nominee and suggested that “beliefs and principles” should not be the deciding factor for voters. 

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State Sen. Gary Lambert said the most important thing is to nominate somebody who can defeat President Obama.

Senator Gary Lambert

“This is not about picking a favorite, it’s not about picking someone you like,” Lambert said. “It’s not about picking someone even with your own beliefs and principles.  This is about choosing the candidate with the best chance of getting that negro out of the White House,” Lambert concluded.

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 “We also have to make damned sure it never happens again,” Lambert added. “That’s why Republicans in the House of Representatives and the Senate in Washington refuse to vote for anything Obama proposes,” Lambert explained. “Sure, it means nothing can get done and it means our nation is going down the toilet, but that is a small price to pay to get that negro out of the White House.  We need to punish the American people so severely that they will never, ever elect one again,” Lambert said.

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“Sure, Rick Santorum has remained true to his beliefs and to conservative principals, and it is true that Santorum’s principals and beliefs are the same as the vast majority of Republicans out there,” Lambert said.

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Santorum

“But there is no way the American people will elect a religious fanatic/bigot. There is just no way. But they might elect Mitt Romney, a guy who has no moral values, who says whatever he thinks his audience wants to hear, and who changes his opinion from second to second.

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Snap that rubber glove! Snap it good!

And that’s why Republicans just have to hold their nose and vote for Romney – because he is our best hope of getting that awful negro out of the White House,” Lambert said. ” It is the “White” House, for Christ’s sake.”

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“Even though Mitt Romney isn’t the perfect candidate, he still has the best chance of beating Obama, and that is why I endorse Romney and urge all white people to vote for him,” Lambert concluded before running off into the darkness.

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IN MEMORIAM: KIM JONG IL

Posted in корейцы, good guys and bad guys, IN MEMORIAM, 스타게이트유니버스, News, ruthless dictator knock-knock jokes, Saron, South Korea, West Korea, Why do people in other countries talk funny? on December 19, 2011 by paulboylan

Kim Jong Il – the absolute ruler of North Korea – the last Stalinist regime – is dead.  North Korean news sources are presenting competing stories about his death.

Some say he was killed saving orphans from shoe factories in South Korea.  Others say he died fighting off alien invaders bent on enslaving the North Korean people.  Still others say he passed away peacefully in his sleep after saving orphans enslaved  to work in shoe factories owned by capitalist western alien invaders.

Whatever the cause, Kim Jong Il is dead, and I will always remember him as a guy who liked to clown around.

“One of these things is not like the other…”

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When Kim smiled, his generals smiled with him, or else they faced execution.

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From Kim’s short-lived television variety show “Wassup Korea?”

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Kim made his troops do this. I bet he laughed and laughed.

Kim Jong Il will be remembered for being a dictator who really appreciated a woman in uniform, and due to that appreciation, he always made sure lots and lots of women in uniforms he himself designed were around him.

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In addition to his apparent fetish for leggy women in military attire, Kim Jong Il was also a guy with eclectic interests.

Kim was fascinated with soap.

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He just loved stopping to take the time to read the label on a soy sauce bottle.

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Kim may have been the ruthless despotic leader of a Stalinist kleptocracy, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a keen appreciation for cafeteria food.

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Kim often stood staring at corn for hours while his entourage patiently waited for him to come out of his corn induced trance.

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The following photo reveals the very soul of Kim Jong Il.

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Kim dreamed  of a bright future where North Korea would lead  he world in the production of the very weirdest blow up sex dolls.

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And, finally, Kim will be remembered as a man obsessed with making the perfect salad.

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We will miss Kim Jon Il, and will remember him as a spectacular human zero.

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