PEOPLE OF EARTH: ATTENTION

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH JON HUBBARD

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Brave New World, Captain America, closeted gay Republican misogynists, Crazy People, Get a job, GOP, Human Sacrifice, I am Shiva - the Destroyer of Worlds, I think you are a social parasite but I want you to vote for me anyway, Legitimate Rape, News, Politics, Racism in America, Religion and Politics, Right Wing, Small Town America, The Great State of Montana!, The Second Coming, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, transvaginal ultrasound sonogram, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, WILLIAM TODD AKIN with tags government, politics, Politics and the English Language on October 7, 2012 by paulboylan

Jon Hubbard

[Republican conservative Jon Hubbard has come into thehspotlightIfor what some consider racist comments. In this frankly fictitious but candid interview, Representative Hubbard explains his views.]

PEOPLE OF EARTH: Mr. Hubbard you describe yourself as a “frustrated conservative.”

JON HUBBARD: Yep. I am a God fearing conservative Christian and I am frustrated.

POE: What frustrates you the most?

HUBBARD: Negroes.

POE: I beg your pardon?

HUBBARD: You heard me. Negroes frustrate me the most. Hold on, hold on. Before you and your liberal commie friends get their panties in a bunch, let me explain that I don’t mean all negroes, just the ones that want to have the same rights as white people. You know – the uppity ones.

POE: Uppity black folk frustrate you?

HUBBARD: Yep. The ones that don’t know their place and think they are equal to white people.

POE: Black people aren’t equal to white people?

HUBBARD: Of course not. Any fool can see that. They are genetically inferior in every which way they can be. They are better at sports, I’ll concede that point, but they ain’t too bright. If it weren’t for free education and laws that give them the same employment rights as white folk, none of them would amount to much.

POE: You write in your book Confessions of a Frustrated Conservative:

“The institution of slavery that the black race has long believed to be an abomination upon its people may actually have been a blessing in disguise.”

HUBBARD: I sure did write that. It is a truth I hold to be self evident. Not like the one about all men being born equal. That isn’t self evident at all. What IS self evident is that people are NOT born equal.

POE: Why do you believe that the system of slavery was a good thing?

HUBBARD: Because negroes are much better off in America than they would have been if they hadn’t been captured and shipped to the United States. If they had been left in Africa they would be living in mud huts and some weird click language and eating bugs. But here in the United States they got food stamps they can use to buy watermelon, fried chicken and all the Kool-Aid and malt liquor they can drink. Compared to Africa, living in American poverty is paradise.

POE: I see.

HUBBARD: And they were better off under slavery than they are today being “free.”

POE: Can you explain?

HUBBARD: What are you, a retard? One of them mongolian retards? You got dropped on your head when you were born, boy? It is a self-evident truth that blacks were better off then than they are now. Back then when they were slaves they got fed and taken care of. They didn’t have to worry about caucasian problems like earning a living and going to school and learning how to read and voting. But that is all going to change.

POE: How so?

HUBBARD: There is a new revolution taking place. Conservative God fearing white Christians are rising up to take back America.

POE: How are they going to do that?

HUBBARD: Simple. First, defund public education. Turn all education over to businesses that run schools for profit. Let the free market take over.

POE: How will that solve the problem as you see it?

HUBBARD: You must be a retard, boy. You can’t see what is right in front of you. Let me try to put it simple so someone like you can understand: if there isn’t any publically funded education – or the public education that does exist is so underfunded that it can’t educate anybody – then only those with money will be able to afford to have their kids educated in expensive private schools, so only their children will be able to get good jobs. And most people who can afford to buy education are white. Sure, there are a lot of poor white folk out there who will get left behind, but the system will still favor them over poor blacks, so they should be happy. Nothing makes the unfortunate happier than some other group to look down on and feel superior to.

POE: But there are plenty of blacks who have money now, and they will be able to afford to pay the cost of educating their kids.

HUBBARD: There are fewer blacks with money than you realize. The Jeffersons and the Cosby Show are fantasies. Black people don’t live like that. It is a lie to make liberals feel good. And even if there are a few negroes who do have money, in a generation or two it won’t matter because it will be okay again to discriminate against them in the workplace. Their kids won’t get good jobs, so they won’t be able to afford to educate their kids, so those few blacks with money will slip back into poverty and illiteracy.

POE: But there are laws against economic discrimination.

HUBBARD: Oh yeah. You’re talking about them civil rights, aintcha? Well, we got that figured out too. A law is only as good as the government’s will to enforce it. Our program to pack every court with conservative judges is almost complete. Soon it won’t matter if a black person who has been discriminated against sues, because they won’t win. Ever. As I said, problem solved.

POE: And then what?

HUBBARD: As I said, the problem is solved. If they don’t work, they will starve and die, so they will do whatever they are told to do. It may not be called slavery, but it will look, sound, taste and smell exactly like it.

POE: Doesn’t this whole scheme conflict with your Christian values?

HUBBARD: Which ones?

POE: The Christian value of helping the poor. Your plan makes more people poor.

HUBBARD: Yes, but it primarily makes black people poor. And those greasy latinos. But we are doing it for their own good. They are like children that need to be taken care of. They are happier when someone else does all that hard thinking for them. Right now blacks who are educated and in the workforce doing complex and important jobs are miserable. And their inherent laziness makes them do a bad job, and that drags down our economy. Black folk aren’t suited for good jobs that pay well and include health and retirement benefits. They secretly yearn for a simpler time when white people were in charge and used a firm hand to maintain order. Bringing negroes back to that state of grace is a kindness that surely Jesus would have approved of.

Jesus would have approved.

11 Comments »

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH PAUL RYAN

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Brave New World, Captain America, disembodied heads of the rich and famous, Get a job, GOP, Grim Fairy Tales, Headline, Headlines, health care, Hubris, Human Sacrifice, I am Shiva - the Destroyer of Worlds, I think you are a social parasite but I want you to vote for me anyway, Illegitimate Rape, ανόητο άτομα, Legitimate Rape, Mad Men, News, Occupy Mordor, Paul Ryan, Paying Attention, photograph, Photography, Politics, presidential candidate, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rape, Religion and Politics, Right Wing, ruthless dictator knock-knock jokes, Small Town America, The Great State of Montana!, The Perversion of Christ's Message, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, USA! USA! USA!, Viva Mitt!!, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, WILLIAM TODD AKIN, سياسة with tags congressman paul ryan, government, modern feudalism, politics, tax loopholes on September 30, 2012 by paulboylan

[In this frankly fictitious interview, Congressman Paul Ryan – Mitt Romney’s choice for Vice President – talked with People of Earth about his recent refusal to discuss Mitt’ Romney’s tax proposals because it would take too long to explain.]

PEOPLE OF EARTH: Congressman Ryan, let’s cut to the chase. You recently appeared on Fox News and refused to discuss yours and Mitt Romney’s tax proposals because it would take too long to explain.

RYAN: That’s right. When Mitt Romney and I are elected, within the first 100 days of our first term in office we will cut every American’s taxes by 20%.

POE: How will you do that?

RYAN: We will do it by closing tax loopholes.

POE: Which ones?

RYAN: Isn’t America great, Paul?

POE: Hold on. Let’s not get distracted.

RYAN: What? Do you deny that America is the greatest nation the world has ever seen?

POE: About your tax proposals –

RYAN: It’s about freedom, Paul.

The freedom to die in the street.

POE: Congressman Ryan, I will talk with you about freedom later –

RYAN: Freedom is great.

POE: No argument there. But –

RYAN: It is great to be free.

POE: How would you cut taxes 20% for all Americans?

RYAN: Could you repeat the question?

POE: How would you cut taxes 20% for all Americans?

RYAN: We would do it by eliminating tax loopholes.

POE: Which ones?

RYAN: Which ones what?

POE: Which tax loopholes would you eliminate to cut every American’s taxes by 20%?

RYAN: We would cut a lot of them.

POE: Yes, but which ones?

RYAN: Well, it would take a lot of time to answer that question, Paul, so I would rather not do it.

POE: We have all the time in the world. Please feel free to explain.

RYAN: I have many demands on my time. I am busy trying to save America from being destroyed by a secret Muslim socialist baby killer.

POE: Clearly, you are a busy man. So let’s use what time we have left hearing your explanation of how you and Mitt Romney are going to cut taxes by closing tax loopholes.

RYAN: The explanation involves a lot of math.

POE: Do you understand the math?

RYAN: I sure do! I have the reputation in congress of being a number cruncher.

“I TOTALLY crunched these numbers, you crunching mother cruncher!”

POE: Good, then why don’t you explain what you understand?

RYAN: Because, even though I understand it – because I am real smart – it would take too long for you to understand it.

POE: I am real smart, too.

RYAN: Not as smart as me.

POE: I have advanced degrees in mathematics and economics.

RYAN: There still isn’t enough time for me to explain it.

POE: So you just want America to take it on faith that you are right – without any explanation before the election.

RYAN: Bingo. On the nose. Yes, exactly.

POE: But why should we believe you? You lied to us about running a marathon in record time.

RYAN: (Laughing) yeah, I did lie about that, didn’t I? But this is different. I’m telling the truth here. Mitt and I have a great plan to cut taxes by closing tax loopholes and it is a great plan but it is too complex for the average voter to understand.

POE: Okay. Then let’s try to apply some basic math here. You want to cut taxes by eliminating tax loopholes. That doesn’t add up.

RYAN: Sure it does.

POE: No it doesn’t. People use tax loopholes to cut their taxes, to pay less tax. Eliminating a tax loophole will increase the taxes for people who rely on those loopholes. So by eliminating tax loopholes you are just shifting the tax burden from one group to another. Some may see a tax decrease, but others will see a tax increase.

RYAN: Not if you cut spending. If you cut spending, then the tax reductions won’t increase the deficit because we are spending less than we are taking in overall.

POE: You are talking about trillions of dollars in spending cuts.

RYAN: (Pausing) uh huh.

POE: What spending are you going to cut?

RYAN: Isn’t America great, Paul?

POE: Don’t change the subject. True or false: you are proposing huge tax cuts for the richest Americans.

RYAN: Can you repeat the question?

POE: Yes or no: you are proposing huge tax cuts for the richest Americans.

RYAN: You changed the question from “true or false” to “yes or no.”

POE: I did that to make it easier for you to answer. Here is the question again – yes or no: you are proposing huge tax cuts for the richest Americans.

RYAN: Yes.

POE: Yes or no: without an increase in taxes or, in the alternative, a cut in spending, cutting taxes for the wealthy will cause further budget deficits.

RYAN: We prefer to call rich people “job creators.”

POE: My question, again is – yes or no: without tax increases or spending reductions, cutting taxes for the wealthy will cause further budget deficits.

RYAN: Yes. President Obama failed to -

POE: Yes or no: if elected, you will not cut military spending, corporate welfare, tax breaks for oil companies, or federal give-aways to red states with Republican majorities, but will, instead, cut education funding, food and safety regulations, entitlement programs for the poor and elderly.

RYAN: No, that isn’t true. We are going to save Medicare and social security.

POE: But the rest is true?

RYAN: (Pausing) yes, but we are going to save Medicare and Social Security.

POE: How are you going to do that.

RYAN: It would take too long to explain.

POE: Yes or no: you intend on “saving” Medicare and Social Security by privatizing them.

RYAN: Yes, but we won’t be making any changes that will affect any people currently retired or about to retire.

POE: What about people like me who have paid taxes our whole lives into the Medicare and Social Security system but who aren’t going to retire for at least ten years?

RYAN: Oh. Well, people like you are shit out of luck.

“I feel your pain, you poor, sick, homeless, irrelevant asshole. Get a job.”

POE: How so?

RYAN: By the time you retire, the Medicare and Social Security systems as we now know them will have been abolished and replaced by a voucher system where every American gets a flat payment they can use for retirement living expenses or medical care. Or they can invest that money in the stock market and become rich the way Mitt Romney and his rich friends have.

POE: What if the stock market crashes after I converted my retirement and health care vouchers into stock?

RYAN: Shit out of luck.

POE: What if I keep the money, but my living expenses and medical care are higher than what the voucher covers?

RYAN: Shit out of luck. But so what? That’s your fault for not working harder and saving more, or, if your stock investments tank, its your fault for not having enough money to hire expensive investment advisors like the kind Mitt Romney and I have to help us know when the stock market is going to crash so we can take our money out before that happens and make huge profits off of the backs of people like you who can’t afford the same level of financial advice and so couldn’t get their money out of the market before it crashes. And it is going to crash. It always crashes.

.

RYAN: That’s how people like Mitt and me make our money. We buy low after a crash, then sell high right before the next crash. This process essentially takes money out of your pocket and puts it in ours. And we didn’t have to do anything other than hire someone to tell us when to buy and when to sell – people you can’t afford to hire. The free market is a beautiful thing. We get rid of Medicare and Social Security and give you a check instead to invest in the stock market. Then we take that money the government gave you when the stock market crashes and you lose that money you invested – to us! We get richer, and better able to pay for the advice we need to do it again, and you get poorer and less able to pay for the kind of financial advice you need to avoid being a victim to the financial game that we are essentially forcing you to play but that we fixed to benefit us at your disadvantage!

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RYAN: When the US government encouraged people to gamble with their retirement money by investing it in the stock market it resulted in the biggest redistribution of wealth from the middle class to the upper class in history! We can do the same thing with Medicare and Social Security, and the beauty part is that these “vouchers” will be paid for with tax money – middle class tax money – being snatched out of the hands of elderly Americans and sucked right into the offshore tax sheltered secret bank accounts of the wealthy!

It’s socialism in reverse! Instead of redistributing wealth downward from the rich back to the poor, it redistributes wealth upward!

POE: So that is how you are going to save Medicare and Social Security?

RYAN: Yup.

POE: By destroying it and replacing it with a voucher system that favors the rich at the expense of the middle class and poor?

RYAN: We prefer the term “reform.”

POE: A distinction without a difference.

RYAN: That is free market economics, baby! It is what made American great. Well, to be honest – and, as we’ve determined in this interview, honesty does not come easy to me – free market economics made some Americans great, but not all. And for a good reason. Someone has to be so afraid of starving to death and dying of preventable disease to work for near starvation wages and be grateful for it in order for a very small group of people who don’t work at all to be super rich forever.

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If they get hungry enough, they will be satisfied with less.

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RYAN: That is how every system that allowed a small group of people to get rich and stay rich has worked through the ages. Something went wrong here in America, but Mitt and I – joined with a Senate and House of Representatives controlled by social conservatives – will set it right. I mean, look at China! They have what we want: a huge group of serfs without health insurance of any kind working hard for virtually nothing to make less than 1% of the Chinese population rich!

.

RYAN: Sure, you get the occasional peasant riot in factories, that are more like prisons with barbed wire fences and guard towers around them, but look at how the Chinese deal with those ingrates – they round them up, throw them in real prisons where they make them work, this time for no pay, and then sell their internal organs to rich people all over the world who get the best medical care their money can pay for so they can live on virtually forever.

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RYAN: Look at Dick Cheney! He should have died years ago. For a while he didn’t even have a heartbeat! But he is rich! We are so close. So close to getting that for everyone who counts, who matters – the job creators.

RYAN: It is so close. But with voter suppression efforts, voter vigilante gangs that will harass minority voters at the polls, and with the grace of God, we will win this election and the revolution will be an accomplished fact. This may be our last chance. If Obama wins, he will improve education, which means the average voter is more likely to see through the bullshit I am spouting and realize that I want to use Big Government to make me and my rich friends even richer and to impose an economic system on America that is the modern equivalent of feudalism where workers have no rights and the poor are free to die, and where the wealthy ruling class uses modern technology to suppress dissent by listening to phone calls and reading emails and text messages to find the potential leaders of any popular revolt and have them arrested because they are terrorists trying to overthrow the political system oppressing and enslaving them.

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RYAN: We are so close. Everything is in place. We have the legislation we need to suppress dissent. The vast majority of the population is now dependent on electronic means of communications like phones and the internet; there are CCTV cameras everywhere, which means we have everyone under surveillance. We control the Supreme Court. The Press is now irrelevant as a watchdog. We are about to take over congress and the executive office. We won’t get a chance like this again for a generation, if ever. So this is it. We have to take advantage of a stupid, undereducated electorate before steps are taken to teach them critical thinking skills.

HEADLINE – DONALD TRUMP SAYS “VENGEANCE IS A CHRISTIAN VALUE”

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, buffo, gülen yüz, GOP, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, Hubris, I am Shiva - the Destroyer of Worlds, 스타게이트유니버스, 재미, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, Legitimate Rape, love, Mad Men, Money and Power, Mordor, News, neşeli, Paying Attention, photograph, Photography, Politics, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Religion and Politics, Right Wing, Small Town America, The Matrix, The Second Coming, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, Weird Stuff, What are you sick or something?, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, 滑稽, טילים, מצחיק, بشار الاسد, خنده, خنده دار, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة with tags Children's Programming, Media, Politics and the English Language, prenuptial agreements, religion, The Sales Pitch, The Seeds of Revolution, virginia christian college, vote republican, women on September 26, 2012 by paulboylan

“Jesus wants me to take vengeance against my hair stylist.”

MUNCIE – During a speech on Monday at the Lynchburg, Virginia Christian college, Liberty University, Donald Trump gave the assembled Christian students some advice: “Get even.”

“A few of you may say my advice is anti-Christian. Wrong!” Trump said.

A student pointed out that Trumps advice conflicts with Christ’s Sermon on the Mount recorded in chapters 5-7 of the Gospel of Matthew, where Jesus tells his followers to reject the Old Testament rules on eye-for-an-eye justice and, if slapped, turn the other cheek rather than retaliate.

”Don’t believe any of that malarky,” Trump responded. ”Jesus was being misquoted by the liberal media.”

The liberal media makes Jesus very, very angry.

“Believe me, the central message of Christianity is “every man for himself” and “always kick a man when he’s down because there is no better time to do it,” Trump said.

Trump, married three times, then advised the assembled students to get prenuptial agreements before they get married.

“Jesus wasn’t married and I know why,” Trump said. ”It is because they didn’t have prenuptial agreements in those days so if you got married you were screwed if you wanted to get out of it, especially if you had a lot of money and the woman seduced you because she wanted your money. But Jesus avoided all of that by not getting married. I’m not saying he didn’t play the field. He just didn’t get married. I am absolutely sure that, if Jesus had access to a prenuptial agreement, he would have been married. At least once.”

Maybe more than once.

The university has posted a video of Trump’s speech on its website, noting that Chancellor Falwell introduced Trump as ”one of the greatest visionaries of our time.”

HEADLINE – DEMOCRATS ACT TO SUPPRESS CONSERVATIVE VOTERS

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Barry Goldwater, GOP, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, Illegitimate Rape, 스타게이트유니버스, 재미, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα, Kansas City, kluchtig, Legitimate Rape, Michele Bachmann, News, Paying Attention, photograph, Photography, Politics, Religion and Politics, Right Wing, Scarlett Johansson naked, Small Town America, snaaks, Stupid People, Tea Party, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, مصارعه, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, بشار الاسد, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة on September 17, 2012 by paulboylan

MUNCIE – To counter Republican efforts to prevent poor people, minorities and women – groups that traditionally vote for democrats – from voting, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) has embarked on a campaign to prevent stupid people from voting.

“Smart voters will never, ever vote for Republican candidates,” former GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorumisaid recently.m

“Stupid voters are the bedrock of Romney’s re-election effort,” Santorum continued. ”Stupid people traditionally vote Republican,” Santorum said. “If they have a college education or read for pleasure you can be sure they aren’t going to vote for Romney.”

Mitt Romney’s campaign has spend millions of dollars in an effort to appeal to Birthers, knee-jerk jingoistic patriots, NASCAR enthusiasts, anti-abortion fanatics, proud morbidly obese Type 2 diabetics who don’t have or want health insurancei- even Snooki fans.I

”We are currently negotiating to get an endorsement from the Octomom,” said an anonymous Romney campaign strategist. “If we can appeal to stupid voters while simultaneously suppressing the poor/minority/woman vote then we should be able to win this thing in November,” the Romney strategist said.

The DNC is fighting fire with fire. “If the Republicans try to prevent democrats from voting, then the DNC going to attempt to suppress the stupid vote,” said Trixie LaRue, a DNC spokesperson.

The plan is fairly simple: the DNC will set up fake polling places/voting areas on election day with signs outside that read:

“A smart person will read that sign, understand the warning and not vote at that location. A stupid person, however – i.e., a likely Republican voter – will probably not read the small print, will be impressed by the bright colors, and go into the fake area to vote,” LaRue said.

And when they get into the fake voting booth, they will be given the following fake ballot:

“The average stupid voter will believe they voted for Romney/against Obama, feel pleased with the result, go home, and never realize they didn’t really vote,” LaRue said.

“Early fake voting” is scheduled to begin tomorrow in Mississippi, Texas, Missouri, Indiana, West Virgina and Arizona.

A GRIM FAIRY TALE – THE SAD GARAGE SALE

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Grim Fairy Tales, Rage Against the Machine, rimshot wav download, Small Town America, سكارليت جوهانسون with tags The Sales Pitch, travel on September 16, 2012 by paulboylan

“Hello, children. I’m Brother Grim. Would you like to hear a story?”

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THE SAD GARAGE SALE

Once upon a time in a tiny town named Elko, Nevada, a man named Ted was checking out of the Holiday Inn Express.

Ted was driving from Salt Lake City, Utah to Los Angeles, California because he had a passion for alcohol, tobacco and caffeine, all of which were difficult to procure in Salt Lake City without risking social isolation and spiritual damnation, or at least the popular perception of it.

The drive from Salt Lake City to Los Angeles is a long one, and Ted spent the night in Elko, more or less located half way between the two.

“Where are you off to?” asked the checkout clerk at the front desk as Ted turned in his key.

“Los Angeles,” Ted said.

“Take me,” the checkout clerk said.

Ted smiled and chuckled as he hoped was expected.

“No, seriously,” the checkout clerk said. “Take me. I hate this place and I will do anything to get out. I will pay for gas and sexually satisfy you. What do you say?” clerk asked while making a rude and suggestive gesture with a partially closed fist.

“I – don’t think so,” Ted mumbled.

The check out clerk laughed. “Okay, I understand and I don’t blame you,” he said. “If I was younger, well, maybe I would have had a shot, but I haven’t had any action since my 80^th birthday. And you know, Elko isn’t such a bad place. At least it isn’t Battle Mountain.”

“Battle Mountain?” Ted asked.

“Yeah. The next town on the I-80 on the way to Reno. Back in 1983 Battle Mountain was voted the Armpit of the Universe.”

“Okay….” Ted said, walking towards the exit to the parking lot.

“You can’t miss it,” the clerk called after Ted. “They put a big ‘BM’ on the hillside in fifty foot letters in an attempt to publicize the town and create a new image. They even voted for a new town slogan: ‘Home of the biggest BM in the universe.’”

Sure enough, Ted saw the letters “BM” on a hillside as he approached Battle Mountain, and he was overcome by the desire to leave the I-80 and take the business route through Battle Mountain. Ted hoped to see the town slogan (“Home of the biggest BM in the universe”) on a building and further hoped to take a picture that he could then post on his blog.

Ted did not find the town slogan, and he was beginning to wonder if the clerk was pulling his leg, when he saw a sign advertising “GARAGE SALE!”

.

And, as he was about to leave the Battle Mountain town limits, he saw another sign indicating the garage sale was happening in the driveway of the house he was passing.

Ted stopped and walked up to a little boy sitting on a chair behind an empty table – empty except for one old tennis shoe.

“Where is the garage sale?” Ted asked the little boy.

“You’re looking at it,” the boy said.

“Here?”

“Here.”

“And you’re selling this shoe?”

“Yup.”

“Was there other stuff for sale earlier?”

“Nope. Just this shoe.”

“Why just one shoe?”

“It’s all I got to sell.”

“What happened to the other shoe?”

“Dog took it.”

“Oh.”

“Look, are you going to buy anything or not?”

“You mean the shoe?”

“Yes, the shoe. Do you see anything else on the table?”

“Why would I want to buy just one shoe?”

“How the fuck should I know? I don’t know your life. Do I look like some kind of psychic? Do I look like I even care why you want to buy this shoe?”

“I didn’t say I wanted to buy that shoe –“

“Yes you did. I heard you say it.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes you did.”

“No. I did not.”

“Yes. You did.”

“Okay, look, how much for the shoe?”

“One thousand dollars.”

“That’s ridiculous!”

“Yeah, well, that’s the price. You buying or not?”

“I am not.”

“Then this garage sale is over,” the boy said, taking the shoe off of the table and holding it close. “You just fucked yourself out of owning this shoe. It’s a magic shoe.”

“Magic?”

”Yeah, magic. If you buy it, it will grant you three wishes.”

”I don’t believe you.”

“Why not? This is a magic shoe.”

“If it is magic, why haven’t you used it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, if it is magic, you would have used it to get out of this town. Its the most depressing place I’ve ever seen. Even a kid like you has to know there is something better somewhere. If that shoe was magic, you would have used it to get out of here.”

“Maybe I used it to wish for something else.”

“Like what?”

“None of your business. I’m telling you this is a magic shoe. Are you going to buy it?”

“Does it still cost $1,000?”

“No.”

“No?”

“The price has gone up to two thousand dollars. Cash.”

“Forget it.”

“Okay, then get the hell out of my face.”

“No problem,” Ted said, turning to walk back to his car.

“Mister?” the boy asked.

“What?”

“If you change your mind, I’ll be here next week.”

“Selling that shoe?”

“Uh huh.”

“Will you be selling anything else?”

“No.”

“Do you do this every week?”

“Uh huh.”

“Have you ever sold anything?”

“If I did, would I still be here, in the biggest BM in the universe??” the little boy shouted.

Ted didn’t answer. He just got back in his car, drove out of town and back onto the I-80. He stopped for lunch in Reno, Nevada, where he lost all his money playing roulette, betting on 22 black. Ted never made it to LA.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Gambling is bad.
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THE BEGINNING OF THE END FOR MITT ROMNEY

Posted in disembodied heads of the rich and famous, Geopolitical Insults, GOP, Hubris, Legitimate Rape, Money and Power, Op Ed, presidential candidate, Right Wing, Small Town America, Tea Party, The Great State of Montana!, The Wrath of God, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, טילים on September 15, 2012 by paulboylan

I’ve made no secret of my opinion that Mitt Romney is the wrong man at the right time to run for POTUS. The time is definitely right: Obama should be easily defeated. He is an unpopular president serving during a severe economic crisis that really hasn’t improved enough to get him re-elected. Only Franklin Delano Roosevelt succeeded in obtaining a second term under similar circumstances, and Obama is no Roosevelt.

So the time is right. But Romney is the wrong man. I don’t agree with Rick Santorum on much, but I agree with him when he stated during those ridiculous GOP debates that Romney ”is the worst Republican in the country to put up against Barack Obama.”

Santorum knew what we all now know – that Romney is a political opportunist: a rich guy who dabbles in politics as a hobby, who doesn’t really believe in anything and is willing to say anything and do anything to get elected. A recent example of how far Mitt Romney is willing to debase himself to get votes is his recent admissionhthat he admires Snooky.l

And he isn’t really all that smart. He makes George W. Bush look like a genius. Let me give you just one example. Here is something Romney said at a campaign rally:

.

This quote is worth repeating just so there is no doubt about just how stupid it is:

“I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that is the America millions of Americans believe in.”

This statement is a whole lot more perplexing than anything Bush ever said, including the Bush line about “how hard it is to put food on your family.” That was a slip of the tongue. Romney’s circular and nonsensical statement about what he believes was not a slip of the tongue: it was an example of what is going on inside of Romney’s head.

[Look at it this way: John McCain had a choice between Romney and Sarah Palin for his running mate, and he chose Palin. Does that tell you anything?]

Santorum realized this about Romney. I knew it. Others did, too. Yet Romney won the nomination.

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Why? Because he does best when he faces no competition. His opponents dropped out of the primary races because they couldn’t compete with Romney’s ability to put out pre-vote advertising. Romney won the nomination because he was able to outspend his impoverished competitors – which is exactly the way he made money buying and breaking up smaller companies when he ran Bain Capital. He won from a position of overwhelming financial advantage (the story of his life).

More importantly, Romney won the nomination because he had the support of right wing media and news outlets like Fox News that habitually overlooked and even excused his failings.

Those two conditions have changed. Romney is now facing vigorous competition. He is losing because he is no longer the richest guy in the race. Obama’s money machine is generating as much if not more than Romney – even though Romney is getting huge donations from billionaires. So Obama can match Romney’s political advertising.

And the support he received from right wing media is beginning to crumble. Joe Scarborough is an extremely conservative Fox News pundit who has, in the past, been one of Romney’s chief apologists. Not anymore. When Mitt Romney tried to politicize the deaths of American diplomats in Libya by criticizing Obama’s response as being too soft, for “sympathizing with terrorists” by refusing to link Islam with terror, Scarborough said:

.

And when Romney made matters worse by doubling down on his criticism of Obama’s handling of the murders, Scarborough said:

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This is the sign of a sea change. It is the beginning of the popular recognition that, even if Romney could win, he doesn’t deserve to win.

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And when other right wing news outlets like the Washington Times and the Wall Street Journal find the courage to say the same thing, Romney’s candidacy is doomed.

Americans are fairly sure they want to replace Obama. But we are increasingly convinced we don’t want to hire Romney as Obama’s replacement. A large majority of Americans believe Obama hasn’t done a good job. But we are not prepared to fire him and hire the one guy who is applying for the position.

Hating Obama is no longer enough. ”Anybody but Obama” is no longer a viable political slogan. The character and intelligence of the man who replaces him matters, and Romney’s character and intelligence are not up to the task.

It is a mistake to back this man. Doing so will end up destroying the GOP. I do mean destroy. If Republicans continue to support Romney, and he loses (which is likely) the GOP will break apart into smaller “rump” political parties.

This political season has been a disaster. We need to accept that. Like Romney, doubling down on a losing bet is just plain stupid. Republicans need to concentrate on keeping the House of Representatives and winning a majority in the Senate – and reform the internal mechanisms of the GOP to make sure that, in the next election, the GOP fields a viable candidate.

6 Comments »

WOULD YOU BUY A USED RFID TAG FROM THIS MAN?

Posted in American Decline, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, ανόητο άτομα, lächerlich, Religion and Politics, RFID, Small Town America, The Wilhelm Scream on September 15, 2012 by paulboylan

A few years ago I got involved in an effort to defeat legislation that threatened to outlaw the use of RFID technology in California. RFID is an acronym that stands for “radio frequency identification.” If you have an identification card that you wave in front of a reader to get into a secured building, a hotel room or even a car park, then you’ve used RFID technology and know how harmless it is and how useful it is in our everyday lives. Hospitals use RFID tags in patient wrist bands to make sure they don’t accidentally lose track of a patient and perform surgery on the wrong person. Amusement parks use RFID tags in wrist bands for children to help reunite them with their families if they get lost.

School districts all over the world are now using them to take attendance fast and absolutely accurately. Here is how it works: each student ID has an RFID tag in them with a unique alphanumeric code. When they walk into a classroom, a reader at the top of the doorway reads the unique number and the school’s computers do the rest. It’s fast, it’s easy, it’s inexpensive, it’s safe - and, in many school districts in the United States, it saves enormous amounts of time and money that can be better spent educating kids.

I learned what I know about RFID almost a decade ago when I was hired by a small high tech company called InCom that was marketing an RFID attendance system to schools. They hired me to help stop legislation that would have made RFID use illegal in California by imposing unnecessary but crushing regulations that would have rendered RFID use too difficult and expensive to use, thereby effectively banning it. The bills were vetoed by then Governor Schwarzenegger and the effort to ban RFID technology died with the veto.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not just a hired gun. I cannot represent a client or advocate a position unless I believe in it. Even though I am no longer advocating on behalf of RFID manufacturers, my experience gave me a strong appreciation for RFID technology and I continue to speak out on its behalf whenever the issue of its use arises.

Well, it’s happened again. A school district in Texas has decided to adopt an RFID attendance program and some parents don’t like it.

The following link takes you to a HuffPost live video discussion that lets you see for yourself what is at the heart of many complaints about RFID use, if not what is at the heart of the problems of public education in the United States. Let me know what you think:

http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/segment/504a478978c90a6f54000085

Click on TRACKING OUR KIDS.

I do not welcome any comments about my sloppy necktie.

(FURTHER) CONFESSIONS OF A DISGRUNTLED REPUBLICAN

Posted in American Decline, Barry Goldwater, Bigotry in America, GOP, Michele Bachmann Crazy, Newt Gingrich, Occupy Mordor, Politics, Religion and Politics, Right Wing, Small Town America, Stupid People, Tea Party, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God on September 12, 2012 by paulboylan

And you kids – get your dog off my lawn!.

I know I am shouting my dissatisfaction in the political wilderness. Explaining (again) why I am so unhappy with the GOP isn’t going to provide me with a better Republican choice for president in the 2012 general election.

But I am going to do it anyway.

When McCain lost to Obama, I saw it, not as a defeat, but as a victory for conservative moderates. McCain lost his bid to become president because he kissed the ass of the Right Wing lunatic fringe and selected Sarah Palin as his running mate. He picked Sarah Palin to appease the vocal lunatic fringe on the right who refused to support McCain picked an inexperienced, intellectually challenged demagogic ideologue that fit into their sick and twisted world view, rejected education and science, and gave lip service to their false Christian values.

Moderate conservatives like me – the former bedrock of the Republican Party – looked at Palin, read the notes she wrote on her hand to prepare for a debate, evaluated the odds of McCain’s poor health failing him under the pressure of the presidency – leaving Palin as President – and reluctantly decided to vote for Obama. Any chance of Palin becoming President because McCain died in office was simply unthinkable and too horrible to contemplate.

It was our votes that made Obama president. We did so hoping for two things: we hoped that McCain’s loss would prompt the GOP to reform itself, shrug off the right wing lunatic fringe like a dog shakes off a bad case of fleas, and provide the American people with a viable presidential and vice presidential candidate for 2012 that reflected the traditional Republican values of integrity and honesty.

That didn’t happen. Instead of rejecting the lunacy that caused McCain to pick Palin, the lunatic fringe was allowed to virtually take over the GOP, while the very flawed GOP primary system gave us Mitt Romney as the best of an awful field of candidates (Newt Gringrich? Michelle Bachmann? Rick Perry? Herman Cane???). And Romney won because he outspent his moronic opponents and for no other reason.

[Romney's choice of Paul Ryan as running mate seemed, at first, to be a positive event. Sure, it was done for the same reason McCain picked Palin - i.e., to kiss up to the GOP's lunatic fringe - but he wasn't stupid like Palin was, and that was a big difference.

But it didn't matter. Within the first few weeks of his being chosen as Romney's VP, Ryan revealed himself to be something of an idiot, and a dishonest one, too. He was transformed from thoughtful young conservative to brain dead attack dog.]

So the GOP has given me the choice of voting for Romney or allowing 4 more years of Obama.

My problem is that I really, really don’t like Romney. His primary strategy for winning against Obama tells us everything we need to know what kind of man he is and what kind of President he will be. His strategy is based on cheating, deception and outright lies.

He is blaming our current economic mess on Obama. But every thinking American – or at least those with any kind of long term memory – knows that Obama inherited a mess so big that it almost took out the whole world.

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George W. Bush is not solely responsible for the crisis that happened during his second term. The conditions that caused the disaster we are still deep within are the result of policies and inaction stretching back to the 1970′s. But Bush’s decisions to cut taxes for the rich, to create brand new expensive unfunded entitlements for seniors, to pay for two wars with borrowed money and to do nothing to resolve the growing real estate and derivative bubbles – despite ample warning – were the straws that broke the world’s economic back.

The point is that Romney’s attempt to criticize Obama’s failure to solve in four years what took over 40 years to happen is disingenuous and misleading.

Romney compounds this problem by avoiding talking about what he plans on doing to fix the problem that Obama didn’t or couldn’t. And there is good reason for this: Romney plans on doing exactly what Bush did – the very tax, spending and regulation cutting policies that brought the crisis to full flower in the first place.

If Romney succeeds in implementing his plans, he himself will save hundreds of thousands of dollars on his taxes – which are ridiculously low to begin with. And I don’t like that.

Romney is pinning his hopes for success on GOP state voter suppression efforts. He is hoping that enough people who ordinarily vote for Obama won’t be allowed to vote because the republican controlled legislatures in swing states have passed laws making it more difficult for minorities and the poor to vote.

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This is victory through trickery, not through the battle of ideas. It stinks and I don’t like it.

I really hate Romney waffling all the time. He will change his position any time he feels doing it will win him a few votes.

For example, throughout this election Romney has stated that on “day one” of his presidency he will repeal Obamacare. Period. But it turns out Obamacare is popular. So Romney just announced that he won’t repeal all of Obamacare, just those parts he doesn’t like. Then he had the audacity to claim that his obvious shift isn’t a change in his original position. He thinks the American people are morons.

But worst of all, Romney is willing to lie to win. I won’t bore you with all the lies he has said, all of the deceptive statements obviously designed to mislead people into believing things that aren’t true. I will give you only the most recent example. A few hours ago from when I wrote these words, the American Ambassador to Lybia and three of his staff were murdered by a crowd upset with an American produced video insulting Islam (I’ve seen it; it is pretty horrible. It doesn’t excuse murder, but the film is really over the top insulting. People would riot if the same kind of movie was made about Jesus and Christianity). In response to these murders, President Obama said:

I strongly condemn the outrageous attack on our diplomatic facility in Benghazi, which took the lives of four Americans, including Ambassador Chris Stevens. Right now, the American people have the families of those we lost in our thoughts and prayers. They exemplified America’s commitment to freedom, justice, and partnership with nations and people around the globe, and stand in stark contrast to those who callously took their lives.

I have directed my Administration to provide all necessary resources to support the security of our personnel in Libya, and to increase security at our diplomatic posts around the globe. While the United States rejects efforts to denigrate the religious beliefs of others, we must all unequivocally oppose the kind of senseless violence that took the lives of these public servants.

On a personal note, Chris was a courageous and exemplary representative of the United States. Throughout the Libyan revolution, he selflessly served our country and the Libyan people at our mission in Benghazi. As Ambassador in Tripoli, he has supported Libya’s transition to democracy. His legacy will endure wherever human beings reach for liberty and justice. I am profoundly grateful for his service to my Administration, and deeply saddened by this loss.

The brave Americans we lost represent the extraordinary service and sacrifices that our civilians make every day around the globe. As we stand united with their families, let us now redouble our own efforts to carry their work forward.

Here is what Romney said in response to the President’s statement:

When our grounds are being attacked, and being breached, that the first response of the United States must be outrage at the breach of the sovereignty of our nation. And apology for America’s values is never the right course,he said, slamming the Obama administration for “sympathiz[ing] with those who waged the attacks.

I think it’s a — a — a terrible course to — for America to — to stand in apology for our values. That instead, when our grounds are being attacked and being breached, that the first response of the United States must be outrage at the breach of the sovereignty of our nation.

An apology for America’s values is never the right course.

They clearly — they clearly sent mixed messages to the world and the statement that came from the administration and the embassy is the administration. The statement that came from the administration was — was a statement which is akin to apology and I think was a — a severe miscalculation.

But it’s also important for me, just as it was for the White House last night, by the way, to say that the statements were inappropriate, and in my — in my view, a — a disgraceful statement on the part of our administration to apologize for American values.

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Is he kidding? Romney so utterly misrepresented what Obama said that it amounts to a lie. The President’s statement didn’t apologize for American values. Romney is trying to feed into the whisper campaign that Obama is a muslim sympathizer, possibly a secret muslim himself, and that he apologizes for being American. This is a calculated attempt to deceive the electorate in order to get a few votes.

I really, really don’t like that about Romney – that he is willing to do anything, say anything to anyone to win.

And this is the man the GOP has placed on the ballot for me to vote for. Not Chris Christie. Not Tim Pawlenty. Not Marco Rubio. Not John Huntsman.

Out of all the people they could have chosen, they gave us Mitt Romney: a morally bankrupt rich guy, trying hard to hide just how rich he is, a bully and gay basher when he was a teenager, and willing to sell his soul to become President of the United States.

A GRIM FAIRY TALE – The Schnauzers of Boogerville

Posted in amusant, And now the snorting starts, closeted gay Republican misogynists, Dogs, greannmhar, Grim Fairy Tales, kluchtig, lächerlich, Our animal friends, Politics, Small Town America, The Great State of Montana! on August 31, 2012 by paulboylan

“Hello, children. Would you like to hear a story?”

THE SCHNAUZERS OF BOOGERVILLE

Once upon a time on Earth 35916782(a) there was a small town called Boogerville. In this town there lived a most contented family of schnauzers. Poppa worked at the paper mill where he supervised the maintenance crew. It was a humble job but it had lots of responsibility. Poppa was proud of the work he did and proud of the men he supervised.

Momma worked in the family home taking care of her two puppies, Jessica and Max. Jessica, being the older of the two, had a fine sense of responsibility. She loved her little brother very much and did all she could to keep him out of trouble, but somehow trouble always found Max. He was always falling into puddles and chasing cars. But overall, Jessica and Max were good dogs. Momma and Poppa were proud of them and loved them very much.

One day while Poppa was reading his newspaper at breakfast before work, he read that people wanted to change the name of Boogerville to something else. The article said that there was going to be a town meeting that night to decide the issue.

“They want to change the name of Boogerville,” Poppa said to Momma as she scrambled eggs for breakfast.

“For heaven’s sake, why?” Momma asked.

“Some folks are embarrassed by our town name,” Poppa read. “They think it hurts business and depresses property values.

“What are property values, Poppa?” Jessica asked, stirring her Cream of Wheat.

“Well, honey, property values are something grownups talk about when they lack conversational skills.”

“Oh,” Jessica said, sounding a little sad.

“I’m an astronaut!” Max yelled as he ran through the kitchen with a bucket on his head. Max bumped into the wall and fell to the ground, moaning.

“Oh, that boy,” Poppa said, smiling and shaking his head.

“He sure is,” Momma agreed.

“Well,” Poppa said, putting down his newspaper. “I think it is terrible that they want to change the name of Boogerville. Our town has been Boogerville since before the War for Independence! It is wrong to change it because some people don’t like it.

“But what can we do?” Momma asked.

“We can go to the meeting tonight and tell them how we feel about it!” Poppa proclaimed.

So that night after work on the day of the big meeting Poppa dressed in his very best and most expensive suit. Momma put on her prettiest dress. Jessica combed her fur and Max chewed on a pair of slippers.

They walked together, with Poppa in the lead, all the way across town to City Hall where the meeting was taking place. The schnauzer family found seats somewhere in the middle of the auditorium and listened quietly as Councilman Hamphister spoke.

“I am tired of being embarrassed by the name of the town I live in!” he proclaimed. “I think I speak for everyone here when I say that Boogerville is a terrible name for a town! We need a new name.”

“Thank you, Dick,” the Mayor said as Hamphister sat down. “Unless there is someone else who wants to say something, I move that we vote –“

“I have something to say,” Poppa said and his voice rang out through the hall. Everyone watched as Poppa walked up to the podium and, standing on a chair in front of the lectern, began to speak.

“I must oppose any motion to change the name of our town,” Poppa began. “For the last two hundred and seventy-five years this place has been called Boogerville. The Battle of Boogeville was the turning point in the Civil War. Two American Vice Presidents were born in Boogerville. Instead of being embarrassed, we should hold our heads up with pride! The sons of Boogerville fought in the American Revolution, the War of 1812, the Civil War, the Spanish American War, and both World Wars. We fought for freedom in Korea and Vietnam. Now our sons and daughters serve with distinction in the Middle East. Our humble town is a center for business and art. Our schools are the best in the Tri-State area. We say hello to each other on the street and we help each other during times of trouble. We are the children of Boogerville, and I say we hold our heads up high with pride and proclaim to the world “Boogerville is my home!”

Poppa finished, staring defiantly into the crowd. And then, out of the hushed silence, someone shouted “Hey! It’s a talking dog!”

The crowd descended upon Poppa. Momma, Jessica and Max made a run for it, but it was too late. Only Max got away. Poppa, Momma and Jessica were put in a cage and sold to a university where they were subjected to unspeakable medical experiments. Max ended up performing in a traveling carnival as Jojo the Talking Dog Boy. He wasn’t happy, but at least he ate regularly.

THE END

MORAL OF THE STORY: If you are different in any significant way, don’t ever let anyone know or you might end up being used for medical experiments.

THE DAMNED

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Crazy People, Crime and Punishment, Early-onset dementia, Embarrassing Butt-Shots, fetish, good guys and bad guys, GOP, Hubris, ανόητο άτομα, lächerlich, Mordor, pandemic, Pycho-Social Trauma, Religion and Politics, Right Wing, Small Town America, The Great State of Montana!, The Second Coming, The Wrath of God, The Wrath of Khan, transvaginal ultrasound sonogram, سكارليت جوهانسون with tags Blowback, Children's Programming, The Sales Pitch, vote republican on August 16, 2012 by paulboylan

The Blue Church of God is much more forgiving.

Vegetarians?

10 Comments »

DEAR CANADA: SORRY ABOUT ALL THE STUPID PEOPLE

Posted in American Decline, amusant, And now the snorting starts, Antique surgical instruments, Barry Goldwater, buffo, closeted gay Republican misogynists, Cowboys and Aliens, dada, Early-onset dementia, GOP, greannmhar, Hapax Legomenon, Headline, Headlines, health care, I am Shiva - the Destroyer of Worlds, 재미, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, Mad Men, photograph, Photography, Politics, Rage Against the Machine, Religion and Politics, Right Wing, Scarlett Johansson naked, Small Town America, snaaks, Stupid People, Tea Party, The River of Time, The Wrath of God, transvaginal ultrasound sonogram, Travel, urinary tract infections, USA! USA! USA!, 滑稽, מצחיק, خنده, خنده دار, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة on June 29, 2012 by paulboylan

Dear Canada:

First of all, how is the weather? Good I hope? Global climate change is going to be really good for you. As the U.S. heartland transforms into a vast desert, the wheat growing regions are moving north into Canada, making you into the bread basket of the world (like we used to be). And don’t even get me started on how much money you are going to make when the Arctic Ocean ice cap melts, opening up direct shipping from Canada to Asia, not to mention the resources of the Arctic you will be well-positioned to exploit, like easy to get offshore oil and natural gas (you lucky stiffs!). I hear you already have plans to sell that oil to China, transporting it cheaply across the Arctic Ocean to Russia and then via pipeline or train to China. Hot damn (no pun intended)!

And how is your population? Growing? Healthy? Life expectancy better than your neighbors to the south? Great. Really good.

I’m writing to apologize, in advance, for the mob of stupid people who are headed your way from the United States. Here is what happened: the United States Supreme Court has upheld President Obama’s attempt to create a national health care system like you have, like Europe has, and like the rest of the civilized world has.

This has upset a lot of really stupid people. They don’t want improved health care. In response to the Supreme Court’s decision, this group of really stupid people have vowed to leave the United States and emigrate to Canada.

No. Seriously. Seriously. I’m not kidding. I know I am a kidder, and we’ve shares some really good jokes, but this time I’m not joking. Look, here are some tweets from some of the stupid people headed your way:

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Yes, I know how funny that is. Yes, I know that Canada has a national health care system. But I told you these are stupid people. And they are on their way north to you.

THANK YOU, CANADA!

Thank you for taking our idiots.

Consider it payback for Celine Dion, curling and that joke you call bacon.

Even though they are idiots, I think they are in for a big shock.

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Sincerely,

Paul

17 Comments »

HEADLINE – Michigan woman censored for saying “vagina.”

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Antique surgical instruments, Australia, Barry Goldwater, Bigotry in America, closeted gay Republican misogynists, Dogs, Evil Smiley Face, fetish, GOP, Grim Fairy Tales, Hate Crimes, Headline, Headlines, health care, Hubris, Human Sacrifice, ανόητο άτομα, Money and Power, Mordor, News, pandemic, photograph, Photography, Politics, Pycho-Social Trauma, Religion and Politics, Right Wing, ruthless dictator knock-knock jokes, Small Town America, Stupid People, Tea Party, The Great State of Montana!, The Second Coming, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, totally creepy, transvaginal ultrasound sonogram, USA! USA! USA!, Why do people in other countries talk funny? on June 16, 2012 by paulboylan

DETROIT – A Michigan lawmaker has been banned from speaking on the House floor after saying the word “vagina” while debating a Republican sponsored bill that would strictly restrict abortion rights in the state.

“I’m flattered that you’re all so interested in my vagina,” Rep. Lisa Brown said, addressing the Speaker of the House, “but ‘no’ means ‘no.’”

Brown was gaveled into silence by House Speaker James Bolger (R-Bumfuck) for “violating the decorum of the House.” Brown was then barred from speaking during the debate about a school employee retirement bill because she used the “V-word” in an unrelated debate.

James Bolger

“Listen, silly, even the concept of a vagina is offensive and is probably an anti-American commie liberal socialist secular humanist plot,” Bolger said. “Like global warming and a deserving poor person, I don’t think it exists. I married two women, not at the same time of course – so there is no way I could be gay – and I never found either of my wives’ vaginas, and I tried terribly, terribly hard for years,” Bolger said before explaining how fabulous Joan Crawford, Judy Garland and musical theater is.

“I think I saw one over there.”

“Seriously. Years,” said Bolger’s second wife, Charlene. “I did everything I could think of to help James locate my vagina, but he just can’t get past his fear that girls have ‘cooties.’”

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“If girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, then why do they smell like sardines?” whispered conservative Republican former Senator Larry Craig (married, with children) on the Senate floor during a debate to defund Planned Parenthood a few months prior to being arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover police officer in a men’s bathroom. Senator Craig didn’t realize the microphone was on when he whispered his joke to a fellow conservative Republican Bob Allen.

“I haven’t worn underwear since 1978 and I have a big red arrow painted on my abdomen pointed down. Nothing seems to help,”Charlene added.

Bolger’s first wife, Betty, agrees. “Jim doesn’t know anything about vaginas. On our wedding night he burst into tears, locked himself in the bathroom and wouldn’t come out until I promised to “put that thing away.”

For many Republicans the “V word” issue is less about abysmal sexual ignorance, misogyny or covert homosexuality, and more about returning America to a better time before non-whites “ruined everything.”

“Fair is fair. If I can’t say nigger then you can’t say vagina, okay?” said Republican political strategist, Baptist minister, Holocaust denier and high school drop out Trip Tripperson.

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Trip Tripperson

“You let me call negroes niggers again, and Mexicans wet backs, and Asians gooks, and the mentally handicapped morons, and homos faggots, and women bitches and cunts – just like God intended – and I’ll let you call beavers vaginas. I want my country back, okay? Where’s the birth certificate?? Where’s the birth certificate??!!!” Tripperson shouted in presumed support for Republican sponsored legislation requiring women to post nude photos of themselves in fetish poses on “Christian D/s lifestyle” websites before obtaining an abortion.

Ron Severstone – the sole remaining moderate Republican – suggests a possible compromise.

Ron Severstone

“There are plenty of ways white men can effectively discuss the plan to turn back the clock and utterly dominate the sex lives of women without offending the lunatic fringe that has taken over the GOP,” Severstone said, a Republican politician who will soon be accused of “hating America” for offering to compromise with “satan worshiping baby killers.”

“For example, we can call it ‘the hoo ha’ or “the bad thing” or “the otter’s pocket” or – my personal favorite – ‘the lady cave,” Sevestone suggested before running for his life.

Still others simply view this recent kerfuffle as part of an ongoing process. “History has shown that, when male dominated societies wants to control women, they make sure that women’s bodies are considered obscene as part of reducing a woman’s status to that of a servant and as property, rather than as a person,” said Professor Judith Holmes.

“That is what is essentially happening now. And, to be brutally honest, it’s working,” Professor Holmes said just before renouncing her American citizenship and emigrating to Australia.

Prof. Judith Holmes

The anti-abortion law passed in the House 70-39, with all Republicans voting in favor of it. The legislation now goes to the Senate and is expected to pass with only democrats voting against it.

32 Comments »

AMERICAN PASTOR SUGGESTS “FINAL SOLUTION” FOR HOMOSEXUALITY

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Bigotry in America, Common Enemy, Crazy People, Crime and Punishment, Dogs, Early-onset dementia, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, Hate Crimes, Hubris, ανόητο άτομα, Mad Men, Occupy Mordor, Politics, Pycho-Social Trauma, Religion and Politics, Right Wing, ruthless dictator knock-knock jokes, Small Town America, The Second Coming, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, totally creepy, USA! USA! USA!, What are you sick or something?, سياسة with tags The Vanishing, vote republican on May 28, 2012 by paulboylan

No kidding. A “final solution” like the kind Hitler suggested for Europe’s “Jewish problem.”

You simply won’t believe how evil this man is. And he isn’t alone. Millions of Americans see no problem with what he proposes.

Perhaps Bangar was right: the central tenant of Christianity for these people is “love thy neighbor, but it’s okay to hate them and kill them if they are different from you.”

MOVING ON WITH NO REGRETS

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, California Public Records Act, Fees on fees, Grim Fairy Tales, I am Shiva - the Destroyer of Worlds, multiplier, public outrage over the waste of public money, Research and Development, Small Town America, The Wrath of God, Your only solution is settlement - but you may not be smart enough to realize that., خنده on May 27, 2012 by paulboylan

Two events prompt this blog entry:

The first event is my need to travel to France – not to teach as I have done every year since 2005, but to withdraw my Euros from my Credit Lyonnais bank account, close the account (which I must do personally) and fly home. These Euros were deposited into that account by the University of Poitiers to compensate me for serving as an adjunct professor of law at University.

[I used this account to transact all of my business in Europe. Why pay the cost of converting Dollars to Euros?]

The second event involves an interesting and very unusual pattern of sudden Internet activity. Since May 24^th someone has been feverishly searching for websites using the following search terms:

Paul Nicholas Boylan Poitiers

“Paul Nicholas Boylan” Poitiers

Most, if not all, of these search attempts lead the person investigating me here,5 here,/here,, heref(page 16), here,/here,/here1and here.y

I cannot, of course, be 100% sure why there is this sudden interest in my professorship, but I have a fairly good idea. On May 24th I filed and served a motion for an award of attorney’s fees and costs in Mecum v. City of Lindsay,Tulare County Superior Court Case No. 11-243461. In that case, I represented Steven Mecum, a guy who is concerned that the City of Lindsay - a small town in Central California where Steven lives - is spending public money improperly.

In summary, here is what happened: Steven asked for access to records dealing with areas of City spending he wanted to examine. The City gave him some of these records, but not all of them. So he sued to get what was being withheld.

Ordinarily, these sorts of disputes get resolved very, very fast. Usually, opposing counsel work together and come to an agreement as to what can be released and what should remain confidential. The reason for this cooperation is because the California Public Records Act (CPRA) is a “fee shifting” statute. The CPRA states that, if a judge orders a governmental agency to turn over records or information the agency is withholding, then the agency must pay the petitioner’s attorney’s fees and costs.

So an agency faces a bigger and bigger potential liability for fees and costs the longer a dispute lasts, and it is this risk that prompts most agencies to work to resolve CPRA disputes as fast as possible.

That didn’t happen in Mecum v. City of Lindsay. The City, through its attorney, deployed what is known as ae“scorched-earth”/defense strategy, which means the City refused to so much as discuss an amicable resolution and fought tooth and nail to win.

So instead of a fast resolution, this case was a long, slow slog ending in a hearing where the trial judge ordered the City to turn over documents and information to the petitioner, Steven Mecum. And this meant that the City must pay me what I would have charged Steven if I were billing him on an hourly basis.

As these things go, the arguments are fairly straight forward: Steven asked for records; the City said no; Steven sued to get them; the Court agreed with Steven and ordered the City to give Steven more records; this makes Steven the prevailing party; and Steven now asks the Court to pay his fees and costs to me.

So what does all of this have to do with my professorship? Everything. In addition to my “base fee” (hours multiplied by my hourly rate) I am asking for what is known as a “multiplier.” As the Memorandum shows, although the Court has no discretion to deny the motion, under some circumstances, the Court has the discretion to increase the fee award by multiplying the base fee by whatever number the Court feels is just. One of the factors justifying a multiplier is harsh litigation tactics that caused the case to be needlessly complex, time consuming and expensive.

That’s what happened here. Defense counsel was very, very aggressive – so aggressive that I was forced to choose between teaching in France and staying home just in case defense counsel attempted to manipulate my unavailability against my client.

Here is what happened: I notified defense counsel that I would be unavailable during the entire month of March 2012 because I was scheduled to teach in France during that time. Knowing this, defense counsel arranged for a briefing schedule that would require me to respond to her arguments against my client’s petition while I was away from my office in France teaching. I decided to withdraw from my teaching commitment that year and stay home to be ready for whatever happened in the case rather than be far away and less able to respond to actions opposing counsel might take knowing I was overseas and less able to respond.

It turned out to be a good idea. Although I had arrangements for opposing counsel to serve papers on me via email, she nevertheless served her Opposition Brief on me via ordinary mail service, which meant that if I was teaching I would not have received that brief until I returned from France, which would have provide me only a few days to respond.

But because I stayed home (and didn’t tell her) my client’s position wasn’t disadvantaged by my absence and I was able to draft one of the best Reply Briefs I’ve ever drafted in a CPRA case and, because of it, the Court agreed with Steven’s position and ordered the City to give him access to what amounted to approximately 7,100 pages of records.

But staying home also meant I lost my professorship. And I told this to the Court as part of my argument justifying application of a multiplier, hopefully increasing the eventual fee award.

And this is why someone is frantically investigating my teaching history. Someone is looking for anything that might contradict my story, throw question on my claims, and hopefully minimize my client’s claim for fees and costs.

It isn’t going to work, but they are welcomed to try.

I am very sad. I loved teaching those kids, and the University provided me with students from all over the world. I had a chance to influence future policy makers. I had the chance to make a real difference.

I don’t blame the University. And, even though I cherished my teaching position, I have few regrets. When confronted with a choice between my duties as an attorney and my desires to travel and teach, I chose my client over my personal desires. I did what I had to do to best serve the interests of my client. That’s my job as an attorney.

And what the hell, really? I can still call myself “professor” and I am now free to seek out a position with another university if I really want to do that.

But I sure will miss those kids. So bright. So eager to learn what little I had to teach.

Au revoir, mes amis. Tu vas me manquer.

Now it is time to go to France and close out my bank account, certainly before the Euro drops any further in relation to its value compared to the US dollar.

And to you out there researching my history – take your time; do it right; find out exactly who I am and what I can do. What you find will not reassure you.

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16 Comments »

THE BEST HOMOPHOBIC RANT – EVAR!

Posted in American Decline, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, buffo, Crazy People, Early-onset dementia, Embarrassing Butt-Shots, greannmhar, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, neşeli, смешной, Our animal friends, Religion and Politics, Small Town America, snaaks, The Great State of Montana!, The Wrath of God, Wilhelm Reich on May 12, 2012 by paulboylan

This lady is speaking against the adoption of an “equal treatment” ordinance.

14 Comments »

THE NEW SOCCER MOMS

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Bigotry in America, Crime and Punishment, GOP, Headline, Headlines, Hubris, Money and Power, Mordor, News, Newt Gingrich, Op Ed, photograph, Photography, Politics, presidential candidate, Religion and Politics, Right Wing, Small Town America, The Great State of Montana!, The Wrath of God, Uncategorized on May 12, 2012 by paulboylan

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The American political world is abuzz withhnewsnthat, when Mitt Romney was attending a private preparatory school in Michigan during the time his father was Governor, he lead a mob who chased down a gay boy and held him down while Romney personally used a pair of scissors to cut off the gay boy’s hair.

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Romney first denied the story. When it was corroborated, he said he didn’t remember it happening. When even more witnesses came forward to support the story, Romney said that he doesn’t remember this particular incident, but that he participated in lots of pranks and engaged in youthful hijinks when he was in high school, he is sorry if he offended anyone, and if it happened he didn’t know the boy was gay.

The Original Prankster

Romney supporters have attempted to brush the news story off as a “hit piece” designed to distract the American electorate away from the issue of Obama’s failed presidency and substitute it with the issue of gay rights. They may be right. It is an amazing coincidence that, right after Obama publicly declares his support for same sex marriage, it is revealed that Romney was a gay-basher in high school.

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However, despite the very best efforts of the Romney camp to refocus on economic issues, this story just won’t go away. It is increasingly resonating with the electorate in a way no one could have anticipated. The reason for this resonance is simple: either Romney really doesn’t remember the event or he is lying about it, and either option is troubling to the American voter.

Let’s not sugarcoat the incident. What Romney did wasn’t a “prank” and it wasn’t “high jinks” (as Romney himself tries to describe it). Leading a pack of boys that hunted down, subdued and then forcibly cut off the hair of another boy who was “different” with a pair of scissors was an assault, a battery and a hate crime. This is a graphic example of bullying in its most pure, most evil and most damaging sense. The fact that Romney lead the mob and actually committed the act makes it worse.

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Imagine it happening to you. Imagine you running, scared, being knocked down by a gang of boys, held down so you cannot move, while one of them sits on top of your chest and cuts off your hair “in large clumps” as one of the witnesses to the incident describes. Imagine yelling for help and crying as you look up into the face of a young Mitt Romney grinning down at you and most likely laughing.

I’ve imagined this and it is terrifying. I’ve been bullied when I was younger, but nothing this bad happened to me.

Let’s contrast Romney’s attempt to laugh off the incident with something from Obama’s past that Romney supporters point to as evidence that, if Romney was a bully, that Obama was a bigger bully. In Obama’s autobiography Dreams of my Father he describes an event from his early childhood when he pushed a girl. Here is what he writes:

Before my arrival she had been the only black person in our grade. She was plump and dark and didn’t seem to have many friends. I ran up to Coretta and gave her a slight shove. She staggered back and looked up at me, but still said nothing. ‘Leave me alone,’ I shouted again. And suddenly Coretta was running, faster and faster until she disappeared from sight. Appreciative laughs rose around me. For the rest of the afternoon I was haunted by the look on Coretta’s face.

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Any moron can compare what Romney did with what Obama did and see the differences between the two events. Obama isn’t denying what he did, excusing it or attempting to trivialize it. He is “owning it” and is ashamed.

Romney, on the other hand, attempted to hide it, when discovered tried to deny it, when proven tried to trivialize it as a simple prank not worthy of even remembering.

This was an event worthy of remembering, so Romney is probably lying when he says he doesn’t remember, and if he is lying, well, Americans don’t like liars.

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We joke about politicians lying, but we get upset when they get caught doing it. Scooter Libby wasn’t prosecuted for revealing the name of a covert CIA operative; he was prosecuted for lying about doing it. Bill Clinton wasn’t impeached because he had sex with a chubby intern – he was impeached because he lied about it. If he had come clean when he was caught the odds are the American public would have forgiven him.

So Romney is lying about not remembering that he chased down a gay student, held him down and cut off his hair displays a character flaw that troubles the average American voter and only serves to reinforce the uneasy feeling they have about him. The Democrats say he is willing to change his position and “flip-flop” to get elected, and Romney’s lying about what he remembers only reinforced that perception.

The average American voter, on the other hand, does not believe the same thing about Obama. Sure, right wing lunatics shout, scream and froth at the mouth about Obama’s duplicity, but the average person doesn’t see it. They view Obama as a basically honesty guy, and his “owning up” to his own bullying incidents reinforce that favorable view – and this means that undecided voters are now more likely to choose Obama over Romney in November.

But what if Romney really doesn’t remember such a graphic and horrible bullying event that he himself perpetrated? If that is true, then it is even more troubling than lying about it.

Some bullying experts say that Romney may actually not remember what he did because bullies often lack empathy. They don’t feel any of the pain they are causing, so in their minds the individual acts of bullying really are trivial and not worth remembering.

Let’s review: Romney did it; he did the horrible thing described above. He was a bully. If he doesn’t remember it is because, at the time, he lacked empathy.

And this is the problem. Lack of empathy is one of the signs of psychopathy.

Please control your outrage. I am not accusing Romney of being a psychopath in the popular sense – i.e., an insane killer.

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I am, however, suggesting that these recent events place into sharp focus many aspects of Romney’s personality that have troubled millions of Americans, especially conservative Americans. And the reason why is that Romney may very well be, in a clinical, non dangerous sense, a high functioning emotional/interpersonal psychopath.

Psychopaths possess a general lack of empathy, and this includes deficiencies in comprehension and appreciation of others’ experiences and motivations, and lack of tolerance of differing perspectives. Emotional/interpersonal psychopaths (as differentiated from socially deviant psychopaths) are often glib and superficial, egocentric and grandiose, lack remorse or guilt, and have shallow emotions. h[1]8 They display a lack empathy with no anxiety along with a predisposition to tell people what they want to hear. h[2]9

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This describes Mitt Romney. When people complain that he is “wooden” and “boring” they are complaining about his lack of emotions. When he says the wrong thing or “puts his foot in his mouth” he is being glib and superficial. His regular “flip flopping” is a manifestation of his predisposition to telling people what they want to hear. He is clearly egocentric and his plans for the nation are undeniably grandiose. When people complain that he is “robotic” they are observing that he never shows any signs of anxiety. A big complaint about Romney is that he is distant and not in touch with the common person – i.e., he has deficiencies in comprehension and appreciation of others’ experiences and motivations.

The bullying event and his reaction to the public learning about it provide the final pieces for a diagnosis: he cut off that boy’s hair because it was dyed blond and draped over one eye, causing Romney to openly and loudly complaint that it “isn’t right; he can’t do that” which means that Romney was motivated to organize and lead a lynch mob and to assault and batter that boy because of Romney’s lack of tolerance of different perspectives. Romney cannot remember the event because of his lack of empathy.

A lot of politicians, especially those on the extreme right wing of the political spectrum, are emotional/interpersonal psychopaths. Michelle Bachmann and Newt Gingrich certainly fit the description.

Romney does, too. We’ve all felt it, wondered about it, asked ourselves why we cannot support Romney and are still reluctant to do so.

We are troubled by the inescapable fact that Romney is either lying about remembering his bullying history, or he actually doesn’t remember, and we don’t know which is worse.

Finally, the story about the boy Romney chased down and molested resonates with a brand new demographic: those who were bullied in school and kept their silence. They hate bullies, hate their excuses, hate the privilege that keeps bullies safe from any consequences that should result from openly expressed cruelty and sadism.

You know these victims. They are short. They are fat. They are unattractive. They are weak. They are powerless. They are poor. They are gay. They are “different.”

They are Legion, and they all hate Romney.

Bulling Victims are the new Soccer Moms. They are a demographic that cuts across social, economic, regional and political boundaries. And they all know what happened. They all know that Romney lead a lynch mob of rich boys who chased down a gay kid and cut off his hair for expressing his individuality and difference. They marked him and humiliated him in a way that neither the victim nor the bullies can ever forget.

And they are going to be the swing vote that gives Obama a second term as President of the United States.

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SOME PARENTS SHOULDN’T BE PARENTS

Posted in 3D, American Decline, Brave New World, Celebrity, Embarrassing Butt-Shots, Fashion Forward, fetish, Headline, Headlines, Hubris, Isnt nature wonderful?, ανόητο άτομα, Kim Kardashian, Monsters, News, neşeli, Our animal friends, photograph, Photography, Pop Culture, Rage Against the Machine, Small Town America, Television, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, totally creepy, Travel, مضحکہ خیز, What are you sick or something?, 滑稽, מצחיק, خنده دار, سياسة with tags Blowback, Children's Programming, dance, hippy hippy shake, Isn't Nature Wonderful? on May 3, 2012 by paulboylan

“Pout, baby, pout! Give me all you got! Oh yeah… Yeah! That’s it. Now walk slower. No, slower….”

At least they didn’t dress her up like a pot of honey.

6 Comments »

PROOF DOGS CAN READ

Posted in amusant, And now the snorting starts, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, buffo, Dogs, космическая девушка, Food, gülen yüz, greannmhar, Hapax Legomenon, 재미, αστείος, neşeli, скарлетт йоханссон, смешной, Our animal friends, Paying Attention, photograph, Photography, Small Town America, snaaks, مضحك, مضحکہ خیز, 滑稽, خنده, خنده دار on May 1, 2012 by paulboylan

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1 Comment »

HEADLINE – Obama ate a dog

Posted in American Decline, amusant, And now the snorting starts, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, Bigotry in America, buffo, Dogs, Frankenstein, gülen yüz, GOP, greannmhar, Grim Fairy Tales, Headline, Headlines, Is that really Ellie Goulding?, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, Michele Bachmann Crazy, News, neşeli, скарлетт йоханссон, смешной, Our animal friends, photograph, Photography, Politics, pork, presidential candidate, Religion and Politics, Right Wing, Small Town America, snaaks, The Great State of Montana!, The Wrath of God, The Wrath of Khan, USA! USA! USA!, مضحك, مضحکہ خیز, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, 滑稽, מצחיק, خنده, خنده دار on April 18, 2012 by paulboylan

I take full responsibility and credit for this rumor./

UPDATE:

That dog had it coming, man.

BANNED IN THE U.S.A.

Posted in American Decline, Antique surgical instruments, Crime and Punishment, пицца, fetish, Free Utilization Doctrine, GOP, Is that really Ellie Goulding?, Isnt nature wonderful?, ανόητο άτομα, lächerlich, Mordor, Politics, Pycho-Social Trauma, Racism in America, Religion and Politics, Rotwang, Saron, Small Town America, The Great State of Montana!, The Wrath of God, USA! USA! USA!, Victorian Era Knock-Knock Jokes, Wilhelm Reich, טילים with tags politics, religion, vote republican, women on April 15, 2012 by paulboylan

There are places in the United States where this comic cannot be sold.

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And rightly so: this comic book is part of the liberal conspiracy to brainwash the youth of America into committing the ungodly acts of sex outside of marriage and outside of race.

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Do you think Archie is carrying a condom? You bet he is. Do you think that negress (don’t let her light skin color fool you) Archie is clearly in the process of carrying off to his bed is on the birth control pill? Of course she is. She is clearly utterly unafraid of pregnancy, which encourages her willingness to have sex with Archie, thereby subverting the truth of God’s word.

And although this mulatto hussy apparently lives the decadent and anti-Christian “rock and roll lifestyle,” Archie still lives with his parents in a Christian home. So this comic book cover communicates directly into our pure and untainted children’s minds Satan’s message that it is “okay” for two unmarried teens to have interracial sex -purely for the pleasure of it and not for the purposes of procreation – in their parent’s house using tax payer subsidized birth control.

Vote Republican this November and we will put a stop to this evil.

19 Comments »

SIMPLE MATH [UPDATED]

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Barry Goldwater, Bigotry in America, Crazy People, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, GOP, Hubris, lächerlich, Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich, Op Ed, Politics, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, Religion and Politics, Right Wing, Small Town America, Stupid People, The Wrath of God, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, خنده دار, سياسة on April 3, 2012 by paulboylan

On January 20, 2011, when George W. Bush took office as President of the United States, the Dow Jones Industrial Average (DJIA) was at 10,587.60

Bush immediately implemented his economic plans based on right wing ideology, and this had an immediate negative effect on the US economy. For example, on March 20, 2001, the DJIA closed below the previous year’s low for the first time since 1982.

Barack Obama took office on January 20, 2009, and when he did, the DJIA was at 7,365.

As of the date this is posted, the DJIA closed at 13,149.55

Let’s crunch the numbers a bit:

During Bush II, the US economy experienced a steady decline that culminated with a virtual systemic melt down. During Bush’s term in office, the DJIA lost 3,222.6 points.

The Obama years saw, at first, a worsening economic climate, with the DJIA dropping even further. Non partisan economists believe this was due in large measure to the downward momentum from the collapsing economic system Obama inherited from Bush II. However, as of now, during Obama’s term the DJIA has added 5,784.55 points.

The GOP is offering us Mitt Romney to replace Obama. Here is the problem: Mitt Romney is a somewhat stupid rich guy who is out of touch with the real world and who relies on weird economic nonsense born more of ideology than reason.

Romney wants to give the rich a tax break and pay for it by taxing the poor. No fooling.

But we already tried that with Bush II. It didn’t work. Obama, for all his many, many faults, has made it better.

The American people are being asked to try again what didn’t work the first time and to replace a devil we know with a devil we don’t.

The American people will pick the devil they know – warts and all. They won’t believe the shrill screams from the lunatic Right that Obama is responsible for the economic mess he inherited. They won’t believe that he can’t take credit for the recovery we’ve experienced.

That’s all there is to it. Romney cannot win without moderate republican votes like mine, and I won’t vote for a return to the policies of Bush II.

I am going to do what most Americans will do – I will look at the DJIA for a sign of economic health and I will look to see if my SEP retirement fund has recouped the losses it suffered during Bush II.

It has. My retirement fund is in the black again for the first time in years. And I’m feeling a bit more secure and eating out more. Buying that bottle of wine. Taking that short vacation. Not caring quite as much if the lights are left on or not.

I hated living otherwise. I hated being afraid. I remember being afraid that the banking system would crash and the rest would follow. I started wondering if I should hoard black pepper because it might be hard to get when the international trade system collapsed.

I will never forget what that felt like. I won’t jeopardize the positive change that has come – albeit slowly.

The GOP could have given us Jim Christie. The GOP could have embraced Ron Paul. But it didn’t. They found someone as much like George W. Bush as they could.

It isn’t my fault if Romney isn’t a viable candidate.

It isn’t my fault that the GOP did everything it could to keep the economy from improving – and failed.

It infuriates me that keeping the economy bad was their big strategy to being with. It isn’t my fault that the Republican elite is praying – and scheming – for an economic downturn right before the next election. It isn’t my fault that the GOP strategists decided it was a good idea to spread rumors that Obama was born in Kenya and pander to bigotry by spreading the rumor that Obama is Muslim (or “muslin” as they say in the deep red states).

All they had to do was run on Obama’s record – which is really, really bad, – and give us a viable alternative. It isn’t my fault they decided to focus on something else.

I feel bad I cannot vote for Romney. All I am doing is pursing my personal best interests. That is all any American voter should be expected to do. And that is why Romney will lose.

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UPDATE: The latest employment figures were disappointing: unemployment dropped, but the number of jobs created was lower thane expected.

Romney wins in November!!!

SHADOWS OF NOVEMBER

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Antique surgical instruments, Brave New World, Common Enemy, Crazy People, Dogs, космическая девушка space girl, GOP, health care, Hubris, ανόητο άτομα, love, Mad Men, Mordor, Nichola Tesla, Politics, Right Wing, Small Town America, Stupid People, The Great State of Montana!, The Wrath of God, transvaginal ultrasound sonogram, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه sex wrestling clips on April 3, 2012 by paulboylan

We Americans find ourselves at the beginning of the end of a presidential election cycle. Historians will look back and note this election as the national election where the Republican Party – or the Grand Old Party (GOP) – ended its run as a national political party.

The following three images are only a few that are flying through cyberspace from computer to computer, in and out of the minds of voters:

and…

The moment the Republican dominated legislature of the Great State of Virginia attempted to pass a law requiring women who want an abortion to have a “trans vaginal ultrasound” prior to the abortion – which, essentially, requires a doctor to shove big stick up into the vaginas of women wanting an abortion (the procedure provides no medical benefit to the woman whatsoever) – those “conservative” morons altered the history of the world.

American women feel that the GOP is waging a war on them, and women are fighting back by turning away from the GOP.

The GOP alienated homosexuals. No big deal: there are not a lot of them.

The GOP alienated Hispanics. No big deal: they are still in the minority and do not affect the crucial “swing states” the GOP must win to unseat Obama.

The GOP alienated educated people. No big deal: they won’t vote Republican anyway, and demonizing educated people – like “scientists” – panders to the barely literate, unwashed, Bible thumping, reactionary mass that is now the Republican base.

When the GOP decided to wage a war against women, you know those back-water, red neck, social conservatives thought “no big deal: wives and daughters will do what they are told and women aren’t that smart anyway.”

Big mistake. Big, big, mistake. The GOP has alienated the key political demographic they need to retake the White House.

The irony is that educated people would not have made that mistake.

Goodbye, GOP. You will never recover from November 2012.

And good riddance. We moderate, educated Republicans need something a little less stupid to represent us.

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3 Comments »

THREE STOOGES (a fair and balanced comparison)

Posted in And now the snorting starts, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, Barry Goldwater, buffo, disembodied heads of the rich and famous, Early-onset dementia, GOP, Internet Fun!, 재미, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα, lächerlich, Money and Power, Mordor, Newt Gingrich, neşeli, смешной, Our animal friends, Politics, presidential candidate, Pycho-Social Trauma, Religion and Politics, Right Wing, Small Town America, snaaks, Tea Party, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, USA! USA! USA!, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, مصارعه, مضحك, مضحکہ خیز, 滑稽, מצחיק, خنده, خنده دار, سكارليت جوهانسون on March 7, 2012 by paulboylan

Here are three stooges:

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Moe, Curly and Larry.

Moe is their leader. It is generally agreed-upon by pundits and intellectuals alike that Moe is head stooge and calls the shots for the other stooges.

Here are three more stooges:

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This is not a balanced group of stooges. They appear to be three Larries. Maybe a Curly or two. One may aspire to be Shemp. But who is their leader? Who calls the shots? At best – and I do mean best – Santorum is Moe (bossy), Romney is Larry (easily confused) and Gingrich is Curly (a fat goof). At best.

I just love the word “stooge.”

Stooge.

Ha!

THE COMING AMERICAN RELIGIOUS WAR

Posted in American Decline, Antique surgical instruments, Common Enemy, Corruption, Crazy People, Crime and Punishment, Europe, GOP, health care, Hubris, ανόητο άτομα, love, Mad Men, Michele Bachmann, Missile Defense, Money and Power, Monsters, Mordor, Newt Gingrich, Orcs, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rage Against the Machine, Right Wing, ruthless dictator knock-knock jokes, Saron, Small Town America, Tea Party, The Great State of Montana!, transvaginal ultrasound sonogram, Uncategorized, USA! USA! USA!, Victorian Era Knock-Knock Jokes, سياسة on March 3, 2012 by paulboylan

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I consider myself a Republican, conservative Christian man of faith. The problem is that I am Greek Orthodox, which the vast majority of the GOP base does not recognize as being Christian.

I cherish my freedoms, including the freedom to worship the Almighty the way I want. I will be damned if anyone is going to use the political process to impress their religious views upon me – and that is exactly what thehNew Republican Party is hell-bent on doing./

At it’s heart, this conflict is about the same things that caused and fueled the European religious wars of past centuries as well as every Jihadi’s fervor. This conflict is about power and hate – in particular, the power to hurt those you hate.

The New Republican Party hates women. Allow me to rephrase that – it hates independent, educated, thinking women who work outside of the home. Let’s call them modern women. And the reason why they hate these women is because their social, intellectual, economic and sexual independence violates a myopic interpretation of antiquated religious doctrine that has nothing to do with the central message that Jesus came to us to teach.

The New Republican Party is waging a war on modern women, and they have corrupted Jesus to do it. They want to force women out of the job market, out of public life, out of graduate school and back into the four walls of the male dominated homes where ancient Semitic women were imprisoned and enslaved.

The revolutionary message central to Jesus’ teachings – and the reason the political system of his day murdered him – is charity, freedom and love. This American crusade against women is about selfishness, control and hate.

And, to get the power to hurt the women they hate, these American Taliban have taken over and corrupted the GOP. They support insurance coverage for Viagra to foster men having sex, but they are dead-set against insurance coverage for contraception or the use of tax dollars to pay for an abortion.

And who pays the ultimate price for this draconian scheme? Women. Like a male chimpanzee, a man has recreational sex and then walks away. The women pays the price for that mutual decision by having no choice but to carry that embryo to term and then raise that child by herself. She cannot work. She cannot go to school. She cannot participate in any meaningful way in the political process. She is back where she belongs.

And what is the New Republican Party’s solution to this horrible conundrum? Just ask Rick Santorum. He will tell you with absolute certainty that his solution is not just correct, but pleases God. His solution is, essentially, to outlaw sex for any other purpose than procreation. If Santorum, and the millions of right wing Americans who support him, get their way, the power of government can and should be used to make sure that every single time two people have sex they had better be prepared to have a child, and if they don’t want a baby, then they simply better not have any sex.

This is only one example of what the New Republican Party wants to do to America. They want to use the power of government to force each and every one of us to live lives no different than the Puritan’s lived in Salem back in the 1600’s. They pick and choose among the ideals of our Founding Fathers, agreeing with the freedom to bear arms but disagreeing with the separation of church and state. They want our every day lives, what we do in the privacy of our own homes, to be regulated, to be dominated, by their perverted view of Christian values.

They are masters at self-deception and outright lying. They try to minimize what they are doing by calling it “social issues.” When the world found out that the Virginia legislature – dominated by right wing religious fanatics – was passing a bill that would force every woman who wants an abortion to first get a big stick shoved up their vaginas, the outcry was so powerful that those responsible for that repulsive law scurried around like the cockroaches that they are and revised the law. And the governor of Virginia expressed his disappointment that Virginia’s consideration of a “social issue” would get such a negative reaction.

One person’s social issue is another person’s freedom. By legislating social issues, the New Republican party is trying to take away everyone else’s freedoms.

Our founding fathers were personally aware of the wreckage the European religious wars caused. For thirty years, what is now Germany was the battlefield for protestant armies fighting catholic armies. Thirty years. Our founders decided to spare the people of the new nation they were creating that same pain. To do it, they manufactured, for the first time in world history, a nation where people could worship God any way they wanted, so long as that worship didn’t mix with political power.

But that separation of church and state our founders created no longer exists. Santorum – who could actually be elected our next president – actually states publically that there should be no separation of church and state.

The result is going to be the very war the Founding Fathers sought to avoid. But what the hell. As Tom Petty sang, everybody’s had to fight to be free.

I am prepared to fight to keep these people out of my bedroom and out of my wife’s vagina. What are you prepared to do?

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17 Comments »

Rick Santorum says: “GAY MARRIAGE WILL LEAD TO BESTIALITY”

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Bigotry in America, Early-onset dementia, fairness, GOP, 재미, ανόητο άτομα, lächerlich, Michele Bachmann, morbidly obese homosexual tax cheats, Newt Gingrich, смешной, Our animal friends, Politics, Pycho-Social Trauma, Religion and Politics, Right Wing, Small Town America, The Great State of Montana!, transvaginal ultrasound sonogram, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه sex wrestling clips, مضحك, مضحکہ خیز, What are you sick or something?, 滑稽, خنده, خنده دار, سكارليت جوهانسون on February 24, 2012 by paulboylan

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STATE MANDATED RAPE – An Interview With Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Antique surgical instruments, Crime and Punishment, Dogs, Fiction, GOP, ανόητο άτομα stupid people, Michele Bachmann, Mordor, Orcs, Politics, pork, Religion and Politics, Right Wing, ruthless dictator knock-knock jokes, Saron, Small Town America, The Wilhelm Scream, transvaginal ultrasound sonogram, USA! USA! USA!, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, Victorian Era Knock-Knock Jokes, سياسة on February 23, 2012 by paulboylan

[In this frankly fictitious interview, Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell talks candidly about the latest attempt by Republicans in the Virginia State legislature to pass a law requiring women who seek an abortion to submit to having a large, long wand shoved up their vaginas as punishment.]

"The wand is at least this long," said Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell

PEOPLE OF EARTH: Let’s cut to the chase, Governor. What the hell is this law that everyone is talking about?

MCDONNELL: I presume you are referring to House Bill 462.

POE: That depends. What does House Bill 462 do?

MCDONNELL: It punishes women who want an abortion by mandating that they first get this big thing shoved up their hoo-has.

POE: That’s the one. How did this happen?

MCDONNELL: Through the democratic process that made our nation – and the great state of Virginia – great. And here is the best part: we got a woman to introduce the bill! Haw haw haw haw!!!

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MCDONNELL: How great is that?

POE: Why is that great?

MCDONNELL: Because it is ironic, you moron. Whatsamatter? Don’t you appreciate irony? I bet you went to a public school, huh? Are you Italian? One of them Cath-o- licks?

POE: What does that matter?

MCDONNELL: I take that as a big “yes.”

POE: What exactly does House Bill 462 say?

MCDONNELL: It requires doctors who perform abortions in the first trimester of pregnancy to perform an ultrasound to determine the age of the fetus.

POE: That doesn’t sound so bad.

MCDONNELL: Yeah, well, that’s what we hoped everyone would think, but some nosey Jew liberal found out that the only way to determine the age of a fetus during the first trimester of pregnancy is by performing a transvaginal probe ultrasound.

POE: And what is that exactly?

MCDONNELL: Well, to do it, a doctor or qualified nurse has to shove what looks like a long pole up inside a woman’s lady parts. The pole is called the “transducer.” He he he. Guys around here are now referring to their Johnson as their “transducer” like “hey, Ted, is that a transducer in your pocket or are you thinking about voting for House Bill 462?”

POE: Is there a medical reason for requiring a transvaginal ultrasound?

MCDONNELL: Nope. No medical reason or medical benefit whatsoever. But is sure as hell is gonna make ‘em think twice about getting an abortion, I know that for damned sure.

POE: Can the woman refuse?

MCDONNELL: Nope. If she refuses we throw her in jail along with the doctor who did the operation without first shoving a transducer up her.

POE: So if she wants an abortion she has to first spread her legs for the transducer.

MCDONNELL: Hey, come on. This isn’t virgin territory we are talking about. She wouldn’t be there if she hadn’t had a “transducer” up in there in the first place.

POE: But she has no choice about the procedure.

MCDONNELL: Exactly. Did I mention that the transducer has this bulb at the end? Eh? (Wiggles eyebrows suggestively.)

Coincidentally similar to this.

POE: Forgive me, but the whole thing sounds like state sponsored and mandated rape.

MCDONNELL: Now wait a minute, as a Kath-o-lick you should be 100% in favor of a law that punishes women who want an abortion. Isn’t that what Rick Santorum is all about? Bringing back the moral foundation of the 12^th Century when the Pope was in charge, no one was allowed to have any fun and witches were burnt?

POE: I’m not Catholic. I am Greek Orthodox.

MCDONNELL: What the hell is that?

POE: It is the oldest form of Christianity on earth.

MCDONNELL: I sort of doubt that.

POE: Why?

MCDONNELL: Because I never heard of it, and that means it probably doesn’t exist. Look, I am unusually well-informed about the customs of mud people and I never heard of no Greek Orthodox Jews.

POE: We were talking about House Bill 462.

MCDONNELL: Oh yeah, the “Stick up the Hoo-ha” bill.

POE: Why isn’t that rape?

MCDONNELL: I am deeply offended by any attempt to compare a transvaginal ultrasound to a TSA airport patdown.

POE: What?

MCDONNELL: I am on record as saying that the full body patdowns the TSA forces you to endure at the airport crosses the line in regards to concerns about privacy and civil liberties.

POE: So you believe that forcibly patting you down at the airport, fully clothed, to make sure you aren’t carrying a weapon violates a person’s privacy and civil liberties?

MCDONNELL: That’s right.

POE: But forcibly inserting a 10 inch wand up a woman’s vagina doesn’t invade her privacy and civil liberties?

MCDONNELL: Nope.

POE: I mean no disrespect, Governor, but it sounds like the Virginia legislature has its collective head up its collective ass.

MCDONNELL: So you’re against states’ rights, huh?

POE: States’ rights has nothing to do with it.

MCDONNELL: It sure as hell does. This is another example of Obama trampling on states’ rights.

POE: No one in the Obama administration has said anything about this.

MCDONNELL: Yeah, but he’s thinking about it. I can feel it. He’s got these beady eyes that stare at you. There’s all kinds of bad stuff he wants to do, a whole bunch of rights he wants to take away, but hasn’t talked about. That’s why he can’t be reelected. You know he hates white people, don’t you?

POE: Obama has nothing to do with this. States’ rights has nothing to do with this. This is all about non-consensual, invasive sexual contact.

MCDONNELL: You hit the nail on the head, Paul. And that’s how we’re gonna fix the problem.

POE: I don’t understand.

MCDONNELL: Well, the feminist lesbians, the Jews, the uppity negroes and illegal Mexicans and the liberal media are all upset about House Bill 462 because it forces women to go through a really horrible ordeal if they want an abortion. So we’re changing the law so that it is consensual.

POE: You mean that women will be able to refuse to have the procedure performed?

MCDONNELL: Exactly. The procedure will be performed only on women who want it.

POE: That means the law is dead. No woman will consent to a sexually invasive procedure that has no medical benefit.

MCDONNELL: Not necessarily. There are a lot of freaky women out there. And, as you surely know, women aren’t all that bright. I mean, look at the facts – we got a woman to introduce House Bill 462. Most women aren’t even going to know what a transvaginal ultrasound is. So when someone asks them, “hey, darlin’ how would you like a free transvaginal ultrasound?” I bet 99.9% of the time the woman will say yes, and embarrassment alone will prevent her from saying no once the procedure starts. Heck, we’re thinking of legally changing the name of the procedure to “personality test” or “pedicure.” Heck, they got their feet up anyway. Maybe they’ll think they’re gonna get their toe nails polished.

POE: Why don’t you just buy them dinner afterwards?

MCDONNELL: Hey! That’s a great idea!

POE: No. It isn’t. It isn’t a good idea. Like House Bill 462, it is a very bad idea.

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"Hello, darlin', would you like to take a free personality test or have a free pedicure?"

MCDONNELL: You worry too much. Look, if things for the good old boys get too hot, if the public outcry gets too loud, we can always withdraw the bill all together.

POE: You think that will end this?

MCDONNELL: I’m sure of it. Because Americans have short attention spans, short memories and are, more or less, morons – especially in Virginia. God Bless illiteracy and generational poverty. Look – I am clearly a fascist misogynistic ultra right wing sadist. Most of the men in the Virginia legislature are, too. We don’t try to hide it. It is a lifestyle choice. We like it when women feel pain. They deserve it. Heck, they want it.

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MCDONNELL: They need to be punished, first, for seducing Adam into eating the Apple of Knowledge and then later for learning to read and agitating for the right to vote and getting jobs outside of the home, which is against the Laws of God. We’ll just tell the stupid woman who introduced House Bill 462 to withdraw it, she will do what she’s told, and, with enough time, all of this will blow over. And we can try it again when no one is looking. We know what kind of Virginia we want. We know what kind of America we want. We want to be able to have all the sex we want without any risk of pregnancy because we can afford to buy birth control, but we want to make sure that poor people can’t because we like hurting them. Fun is for us. Suffering is for everyone else. We know how women should think and behave. And we are going to get it all because we are in charge.

Update at 3:30 p.m. ET: Governor McDonnell said he would sign House Bill 462, The Washington Post reports.

Update at 4:19 p.m. ET: The Virginia House of Delegates has approved a substitute bill that would not fordce women to undergo the invasive transvaginal ultrasound before getting an abortion, the Richmond Times-Dispatch reports. Women could choose to have the transvaginal procedure. The vote in the Republican-controlled House was 65-32.

Update at 5:45 p.m. ET: Virginia State Senator Jill Holtzman Vogel – the Republican senator who sponsored House Bill 462 – now says she plans to withdraw the bill, according to news reports.

POSTSCRIPT

This isn’t over. House Bill 462 is a potent symbol of what has gone wrong with the Republican Party, and it will resonate for years to come. And it’s true. The GOP is being “occupied” by political and religious fanatics who are so outside the American mainstream that it is hilarious, but isn’t funny.

They’ve alienated African Americans. They’ve alienated Hispanics. They’ve alienated homosexuals. And now they’ve alienated women as a class. Even those women, and men, who are pro life are horrified that House Bill 462 was even attempted. These kooks have alienated the vast middle of America. And that means it is over for the GOP.

And the gaggle of clowns the GOP has thrust in our faces as an alternative to Obama have drifted away from the message of the economy and smaller government. Instead, they are fighting the culture wars again, focusing on social issues like birth control when jobs are all that should matter. This is a strong sign that even they know they cannot win and are simply pandering to the republican “base” so they can have influence after they lose and make money like Sarah Palin did.

Obama is going to be reelected. Nothing can stop that now. The alternative is simply to horrible to contemplate. And when that happens, the GOP will fragment into smaller parties that fight with each other for the power to go into people’s homes and tell them how to live their personal lives.

Our hope for smaller government is dead. And rightly so. We didn’t provide the American people with a coherent, acceptable alternative.