Declaration of Sentiments and Resolutions – and Ray Gun Girls

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By now you know I kind of dig Space Chicks.

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In addition to writing substantively on the historical, sociological and geopolitical aspects of Space Chicks, my purely scholarly passion led me to become the worlds leading authority on subject.

Professor Boylan presenting a paper on Space Chicks at the University of Johannesburg, South Africa, in 2006

When I first determined the importance of Space Chicks as a pop culture phenomenon,  I soon observed that there is an important Space Chick subset that is best described as “Ray Gun Girls.”  Simply put, a Ray Gun Girl is a girl often, but not always, wearing a space suit in close proximity to a ray gun, often, but not always holding the ray gun.

Like Space Chicks in general, Ray Gun Girls first appeared on the cover of pulp magazines.

And when Space Chicks migrated from pulp novel covers to film and television, Ray Gun Girls began showing up there, too.

In all honesty, most Ray Gun Girl images are fetish driven manifestations of arrested male adolescent wish fulfillment, amounting to little more than soft core pornography.

However, as the years went by science fiction matured, and Space Chick images began to include strong, capable women who were fully realized heroic figures as complex and detailed as any male hero. As this happened, the images of Ray Gun Girls also evolved into something more serious and less sexist.

To me, the entire phenomenon is really quite fascinating. I don’t have the time or inclination to explore in this blog why there is such a driving interest to depict women holding ray guns.  The psycho-sexual implications alone would fill more space than I have to work with here. However, it is worth noting that the Ray Gun Girl concept is distancing itself from sex object utility and is increasingly being seen as a sign of feminist empowerment.

I’m taking the time here to provide you with the opportunity to judge for yourself.  Below is a gallery of Ray Gun Girl drawings and photos representing only what I was able to download in a few minutes before I gave up and went on to more serious business.  Nevertheless, this incomplete sample is the most comprehensive collection of Ray Gun Girl pics anywhere on or off the internet.

I present them in the order my computer imposed due to file title.

[If you don't see any gallery below, then you need to go back up to the top and click on the link entitled something like "The Ultimate Ray Gun Girl Gallery."

I take no responsibility for any offense that may result from anyone accessing and scrutinizing any of the photos in that gallery.]

HEADLINE – More Proof God Exists: Extremely Obese People More Likely To Die From H1N1 Swine Flu

MEMPHIS – Extremely obese individuals – those with a BMI (body mass index) of over 40 because they eat like pigs – have a significantly higher chance of dying from 2009 A(H1N1)swine flu infection compared to people who do not eat like pigs, researchers revealed in the journal Clinical Infectious Diseases.

“This is more proof that God exists,” said  theologist Krista Schnurstein. “This joke took over a billion years to be told, which also illustrates God’s incredible patience.  The joke required humans and pigs to evolve, the H1N1 virus to evolve and be identified, as well as the process that eventually named it ‘swine flu.’ God’s majesty is truly apparent when you consider the slow evolution of the now universal comparison between fat people and pigs, resulting in this new research showing fat people more likely to die of swine flu – which is, essentially, a divine punch line,” Schnurstein concluded.

Advocates for the morbidly obese are more concerned about the emotional pain this new study will cause fat people. “Fat people are often made fun of by comparing them to pigs,” said Tina Finster, Director of Friends of Obese Dependents (FOOD), a non profit organization that lobbies on behalf of obese citizens trapped in their homes because they are too large to use ordinary doors. “We want to change the name of swine flu to something less insulting to fat people who contract that illness,” Finster said.

FOOD has polled its members to determine what term should be used to replace “swine flu.”  Based on the poll results, FOOD is sponsoring legislation that will require all state and federal government agencies to refer to swine flu by any of the following alternative names: cuddly-kitten flu, extra-crispy flu, chocolate-cake flu, fried-chicken flu, four-double-Whoppers-with-extra-cheese flu, or yes-I-want-fries-with-that flu.

HEADLINE – Fewer journalists killed in 2010

MOSCOW –  2010 saw a sharp drop in the number of journalists murdered or who disappeared without a trace.

“We’ll try to do better next year,” said ‘Boris’ a shadowy, lurking figure.

 

Source: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=132466499

The Curmudgeon and the Elf

She decided it was a fine idea to play Uncle Paul’s bald head like a bongo drum.

Apparently there is a vid of it.  That vid will never see the light of day.

WEBSITE OF THE WEEK: Nietzsche Family Circus

I don’t know if this is taking place in any other part of the world, but here in the U.S. of A. virtually every newspaper has featured a daily cartoon entitled “the Family Circus.”  Here is an example:

I hate this cartoon strip.  Please note that I am using the word “hate” in reference to the Family Circus cartoon series.  First, it isn’t funny.  At most, it is merely cute, and cuteness doesn’t sustain any meaningful interest. Second, and more importantly,  the  Family Circus cartoon series represents – and works to reinforce and therefore perpetuate – just about every evil that slowly works to subvert American greatness.  The cartoon strip champions mediocrity.  It laughs at – and accepts – idiocy in thought, attitude and behavior.

The Nietzsche Family Circus pairs randomized Family Circus cartoons with randomized Friedrich Nietzsche quotes, and by doing so, not only is wonderful parody but brilliant and piercing satire, e.g. -

Man is something to be overcome. What have you done to overcome him?

And, from my very limited and idiosyncratic viewpoint, the random parings are also very dada, which, for me, provides added value and elevates the Nietzche Family Circus to art.

Please enjoy:

http://www.losanjealous.com/nfc/

And, as a bonus for my mate, Flinthart, here is a Family Circus cartoon quoting H.P. Lovecraft:

MY BLOG IN GERMAN!!

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THIRTY-FIVE people just used google to translate my blog into German:

http://translate.google.com/translate?hl=de&langpair=en%7Cde&u=http://paulboylan.wordpress.com/page/3/&twu=1

Überraschen! Unglaublich! Wunderbar! Es macht mich fühle wie ein kleines mädchen.

I hope it isn’t these people:

 

Studious and thoughtful Germans.

I would, however, welcome this fine individual being among them:

From the 2003 Berlin Love Parade.

Ich habe auf Beleidigen von meinem teutonischen Bruder und Schwestern nicht vor, aber wenn ich Zeit mit Ihnen verbringen muss, zu sein, bevorzugt ich dann, mit schönen Frauen. (Entschuldigen Sie bitte mich; mein Deutsch ist sehr, sehr schlecht. Fair dinkum.)

Now for something completely different.

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I just got deluged with email critical of my last blog post, perceived by a great many to be snidely critical of the American President.

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So instead, here is a picture of an angry stoat.

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Makes you wonder why anyone would want one for a pet.

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Although they can look cute, huh?

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But don’t piss them off.

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REMEMBERING THE 2000 SAG COMMERCIAL ACTORS STRIKE

If you are anything like me, then every so often – when the winter wind blows clean and fresh from the north – you are overcome by nolstagia for the halcyon days of the 2000 Screen Actors Guild Commercial Actors Strike.

Ah, those halcyon days! – when men selling things on television had to do without actors because actors who acted in television commercials wanted more money for their labor, but the major studios wouldn’t give them more money.  And so they went on strike.

Commercials got made and were broadcast without professional acting, and sometimes the results were simply wonderful.

The Discovery Channel used accounting and technical employees to act in a series of commercials that have since become legend, the first of which I feature below.

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AHHH!!!   THE ATMOSPHERE!!!!  AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

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HEADLINE – RARE WHITE TIGER VILIFIED

Ass. Press

Posted: 05/29/2009 05:57:32 AM PDT

Updated: 05/27/2009 05:57:34 AM PDT

WELLINGTON, New Zealand —

Ass. Press

Posted: 05/29/2009 05:57:32 AM PDT

Updated: 05/27/2009 05:57:34 AM PDT

WELLINGTON, New Zealand —  Princess, the rare white tiger that killed one of her handlers at a wild animal park in New Zealand, has become the target for international criticism.

“That tiger killed and tried to eat that guy,” said Bill Chen, Human Rights advocate based in Beijing, China. “That tiger should be destroyed,” Chen demanded.

“William Chen operates a disreputable restaurant that specializes in serving meals made from endangered species,” said Ingrid Bledsoe, Animal Rights advocate based in Billings, Montana. “Chen sees this as an opportunity to expand his menu,” Bledsoe asserts. “He wants it to replace his Trumpeter Swan Fricassee.”

Many around the world are demanding that Princess suffer some consequence for attempting to devour her caregiver.  But others offer a different perspective.

“Princess has given joy to thousands of children over the years,” says animal park worker Ted Smedby. “But do they call her ‘Princess, the giver of joy?” No, they do not. Now they call her ‘Princess, the tiger that tried to eat that guy.’  It is so unfair,” Smedby argues.

NAKED BRITISH WOMEN

I am not a gambler.

I rarely take chances.

I prefer to engage in activities that I can either win or know that I can fix to win.

I cannot help but wonder if my European and Australian brothers and sisters truly know what “the fix” means to an American.  “The fix” is part of who we, as Americans, are.

Send us your tired, huddled masses, yearning to be free, and in just one generation they will be eating turkey on Thanksgiving and grilling meat and vegetables on Labor Day – and they will understand “the fix” as a cultural connector within a culture that rejects connection.

“The fix” is cheating.  Pure and simple.  When a sporting event is “fixed” someone has bribed the players or the officials to an extent that the result is certain.  “Putting the fix in” is as American as apple pie and vote suppression.

I recently got involved in an endeavor that provided not one chance or opportunity to put the fix in.  I wandered into Simon Bedak’s blog and found a bunch of people guessing on the results of  sporting events.  Despite my lack of advantage – both legitimate and illegitimate – I joined in and chose Port Adelaide to win against St. Kilda, whatever that meant.

Totally alien to me.

 

Prior to that, I experienced just one moment of non-American sports culture.  It happened in 2002 in London when Arsenal won the double.

Equally alien to me.

 

To this day I have no idea what Arsenal is and I am even more clueless about what “winning the double” means.

All I know is that I was walking down a street somewhere in London in the early evening when – all of a sudden – the streets erupted with happy people.  Really happy people. People so happy some of them took off all of their clothes.

Apparently this happens a lot in Britain.

 

As memory serves, I saw buck naked women running around the streets hugging and kissing other men and women.  I had the distinct impression that they were all drunk. I found out later that it was all part of a spontaneous celebration of Arsenal’s winning the double.

I admit joining them.  I may be a barbarian, but I am not a fool.  If a mob of people are celebrating and naked women are among them only a fool would not rush to join.

I had a great time – even though I still don’t know what it means to “win the double.”  Whatever it is, it inspired social magic. I am a big supporter of social magic.

But even while I was lost in that meandering crowd, flowing through the narrow London streets, somewhere inside I wondered what the f**k was wrong with my life that I was only an accidental participant of such an event.  A mass of ordinary British men and women spontaneously celebrated with abandon that I had never experienced before.

Abandon that I have not experienced since.

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