HEADLINE – 2 ACCIDENTALLY SHOT AT GUN SHOW

Bought a gun at a gun show without a background check.

WACO, Texas – 2 people were injured at a gun show, completely baffling gun rights activists.

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Inbred redneck gun owner contemplating the causes of gun violence.

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“It is a complete mystery to me how on earth these two people could be accidentally shot a gun show,” said Skip Henderson, gun enthusiast, misogynist, homophobe, racist and sociopath.

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Skip Anderson can buy this gun at a gun show without a background check.

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At gun shows Americans – or anyone – can purchase automatic weapons without any background check being conducted.

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“Hello, my name is Joe, and that is my real name. It is not a made up name. I am Joe. And I am interested in purchasing your AK-47 in a cash transaction. Oooo! Are those high-capacity ammunition magazine clips I see in that bag?”

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 “I bet Obama snuck in here and shot those 2 people to make gun owners look bad so that he and his Negro Army can come and take away our guns” Henderson said.

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“Guns are not responsible for these injuries and it is completely irresponsible to imply that guns have any connection to gun violence whatsoever anywhere in the world especially at a gun show,”  said Tripp Wightman, a gun rights activist,”doomsday prepper” and paranoid schizophrenic who buys guns at gun shows without any background checks and makes methane from his own excrement.

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Mentally unfit to purchase a gun, but passed a background check because no court had ever declared him mentally unfit. So, like hundreds of thousands of people who should not ever own a gun, he was allowed to purchase one. And then he went to a political rally.

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“I will shoot anyone in the head multiple times using a semi automatic weapon with a fucking huge ammo clip,” Wightman said.  “I’m sorry, I lost my train of thought.  Oh yeah, the point I am trying to make is to make it very clear that I will shoot and kill anyone who argues that gun violence – the epidemic of gun violence that is sweeping across our nation and tearing apart the fabric of our society.  Hell, it happened again. I totally lost my train of thought.”

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He purchased two hand guns, a shot gun, and a semi automatic rifle and passed all three background checks. No court had ever declared him mentally unfit. Consequently he was not in the federal database that is used to perform background checks of people buying guns.
After purchasing these guns, he went to the cinema.

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“Where was I?  Oh yeah, I will brutally murder anyone who so much as implies that guns have anything to do with gun violence or attempts in any way to improve mental health care for background checks to prevent someone like me from buying all the guns I want.  And then I will mutilate their bodies.  And if possible, I will sell the body parts – including fluids – to raise money so I can buy more guns.  That is how much I love America.  That is how much I love the Second Amendment to the United States Constitution that protects my rights to own and use weapons that are designed to kill people. Lots and lots of people.  Lots and lots of smelly, anti-American sinners who are building socialist agnostic, atheist, and Catholic robots that steal my luggage, violate my rights and infringe on my personal freedoms,”  said Wightman.

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He bought this gun at a gun show without a background check. And now he is watching your children walk to school.

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“No one loves America more than me.  Or guns,” said Wightman.  “Did I tell you that I make methane from my own poop?  I do it to stop the government from reading my thoughts.”

“The only option I will consider to remedy what is arguably an epidemic of gun related deaths in the United States is  what the NRA proposed, and that is posting armed guards in every school in the country.  But I do not want any taxpayer money to pay for it.  I want these armed guards to be volunteers.”

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Eager to volunteer.

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 ”In other words, people like me,” Wightman concluded before adjusting the aluminum foil cap covering his head.

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Gun owners are willing to kill in order to maintain unrestrained access to assault weapons and the lack of background checks for those buying automatic weapons.

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UPDATE: subsequent to the posting of this story,  5 additional people were accidentally shot at gun shows in the United States.

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VOICES OF THE REVOLUTION

The American Republican Party is breaking up.  A nascent war between the far right and the middle for the soul of the GOP has begun.

I predict  (and I am not alone in this) that the extreme right – the screeching lunatics who couldn’t keep their racist, misogynistic, homophobic mouths shut – will double-down on their lunacy and drive the GOP even farther to right edge of the political spectrum – and right off the edge of the political world.

We won’t actually see the GOP fragment into a bunch of independent, special interest parties before the next election. But, because the lunatics control the state-based primary and nomination process, the next Republican candidate will not even pretend – like Romney did – to be palatable to the majority of American voters.  The next Republican candidate will be openly racist, misogynistic, homophobic, dead set against immigration reform  and won’t even pretend to care about anyone making less than $500,000 per year.

That person, whoever it is, will lose to Hillary Clinton in an electoral landslide, but a close popular vote.

Which will cause the extreme right to go absolutely insane. They will triple down on their lunacy.

And that is the point when Republican moderates (yes, they do exist) will finally have had  enough.

The following recent voices are signposts into the Twilight Zone.

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“When I talk about a civil war in the Republican Party, what I mean is, it’s time for Republican elected leaders to stand up and to repudiate this nonsense [of the extreme right wing], and to repudiate it directly.”

Steve Schmidt, a top Republican strategist who ran John McCain’s 2008 campaign

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The demographics race we’re losing badly. We’re not generating enough angry white guys to stay in business for the long term.”

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC)

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 “We’ve got to make sure that we are not the party of big business, big banks, big Wall Street bailouts, big corporate loopholes, big anything. We cannot be, we must not be, the party that simply protects the rich so they get to keep their toys.”

Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-LA)

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“A majority of the American people believe that the one good point about Republicans is they won’t raise taxes. However they also believe Republicans caused the economic mess in the first place and might do it again, cannot be trusted to care about cutting spending in a way that is remotely concerned about who it hurts, and are retrograde to the point of caricature on everything else.”

Heather Higgins, conservative activist

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 “Let me just be candid: My party [the GOP] is full of racists, and the real reason a considerable portion of my party wants President Obama out of the White House has nothing to do with the content of his character, nothing to do with his competence as commander-in-chief and president, and everything to do with the color of his skin, and that’s despicable.”

Retired Army Col. Lawrence Wilkerson

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“If the party doesn’t change, we can put the party on a Carnival cruise line ship during the next election and they can enjoy themselves up and down the Caribbean because that’s about the size it will become.”

John Weaver, a GOP strategist who ran ex-Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman’s presidential bid

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 “The Republicans are for free enterprise, but not free people. And that is their fundamental problem. Their freedom only applies to businesses, not individuals.”

Jennifer Granholm, commentator for politico.com

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 “In reality, the Republican Party didn’t lose the election because of Sandy, or Christie, or a mural. It lost because 71 percent of Latinos, 93 percent of black people, 73 percent of Asian Americans, and 55 percent of women voted against it. The party did not embrace policies that appeal to these demographic groups—and lost. And that’s the GOP’s fault.”

Jake Heller, reporter

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 “At the end of the day, conservatives were left out in the cold. It should have been a landslide for Romney – had he embraced a truly conservative agenda.”

Brent Bozell, president of the conservative Media Research Center

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 “We didn’t sell a positive vision.”

Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.)

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 “We need a legitimate third party to challenge the current system that we have, because I don’t believe that the Republican Party … has the ability to rebrand itself.”

Herman Cain

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“I can’t stop crying.  America died. The Democrat Party voted God out and replaced Him with Romans 1. In the Good vs Evil battle…today…Evil won. Thanks a lot Christians, for not showing up. You disgust me.”

Victoria Jackson, former actress and born again Christian

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“Tea partiers will take over the Republican Party within four years.”

Richard A. Viguerie, chairman of conservatiehq.com

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“If conservative lawmakers want to win elections, they better pay attention to and address youth voters currently swayed by leftist professors who indoctrinate them for Democrats with cherry-picked lesson plans and biased lectures.”

Jennifer Kabbany (quoting “several prominent educators”)

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“President Obama once said he wants everybody in America to go to college. What a snob.”

Rick Santorum

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“There are good decent men and women, who go out everyday to put their skills to test that aren’t taught by some liberal college professor trying to indoctrinate them. I understand why [Obama] wants you to go to college — he wants to remake you in his image.”

Rick Santorum

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STUPID NEWS – Train kills disabled vets attending parade for disabled vets

One of the hallmarks of modern journalism is the growing proliferation ofhstupid news./  Especiallyhon the internet./

Recently in Texas a train hit a float in a parade honoring wounded/disabled war veterans. Some of the disabled veterans on that parade float were killed in the accident.

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Here is a follow-up story:

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Well, that is a huge relief.  If the float was rented, those vets might have lost their deposit – and what a tragedy that might have been.

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STUPID UPDATE!!

 

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If you haven’t done so yet, visit http://www.marriedtothesea.com.  No matter what your lot in life is, Married to the Sea can only make it better.

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IT IS ALL OVER FOR OBAMA

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An entire demographic of Obama supporters has switch its allegiance – and their votes.

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blacks-for-romney

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EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH JON HUBBARD

Jon Hubbard

[Republican conservative Jon Hubbard has come into thehspotlightIfor what some consider racist comments.  In this frankly fictitious but candid interview, Representative Hubbard explains his views.]

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Mr. Hubbard you describe yourself as a “frustrated conservative.”

JON HUBBARD:  Yep.  I am a God fearing conservative Christian and I am frustrated.

POE:  What frustrates you the most?

HUBBARD:  Negroes.

POE: I beg your pardon?

HUBBARD:  You heard me. Negroes frustrate me the most. Hold on, hold on. Before you and your liberal commie friends get their panties in a bunch, let me explain that I don’t mean all negroes, just the ones that want to have the same rights as white people. You know – the uppity ones.

POE: Uppity black folk frustrate you?

HUBBARD:  Yep. The ones that don’t know their place and think they are equal to white people.

POE:  Black people aren’t equal to white people?

HUBBARD:  Of course not.  Any fool can see that.  They are genetically inferior in every which way they can be.  They are better at sports, I’ll concede that point, but they ain’t too bright. If it weren’t for free education and laws that give them the same employment rights as white folk, none of them would amount to much.

POE:  You write in your book Confessions of a Frustrated Conservative:

“The institution of slavery that the black race has long believed to be an abomination upon its people may actually have been a blessing in disguise.”

HUBBARD:  I sure did write that.  It is a truth I hold to be self evident.  Not like the one about all men being born equal.  That isn’t self evident at all.  What IS self evident is that people are NOT born equal.

POE:  Why do you believe that the system of slavery was a good thing?

HUBBARD:  Because negroes are much better off in America than they would have been if they hadn’t been captured and shipped to the United States.  If they had been left in Africa they would be living in mud huts and some weird click language and eating bugs.  But here in the United States they got food stamps they can use to buy watermelon, fried chicken and all the  Kool-Aid and malt liquor they can drink.  Compared to Africa, living in American poverty is paradise.

POE:  I see.

HUBBARD:  And they were better off under slavery than they are today being “free.”

POE:  Can you explain?

HUBBARD:  What are you, a retard? One of them mongolian retards?  You got dropped on your head when you were born, boy?  It is a self-evident truth that blacks were better off then than they are now.  Back then when they were slaves they got fed and taken care of. They didn’t have to worry about caucasian problems like earning a living and going to school and learning how to read and voting.  But that is all going to change.

POE:  How so?

HUBBARD:  There is a new revolution taking place. Conservative  God fearing white Christians are rising up to take back America.

POE:  How are they going to do that?

HUBBARD:  Simple. First, defund public education.  Turn all education over to businesses that run schools for profit.  Let the free market take over.

POE:  How will that solve the problem as you see it?

HUBBARD:  You must be a retard, boy. You can’t see what is right in front of you.  Let me try to put it simple so someone like you can understand: if there isn’t any publically funded education – or the public education that does exist is so underfunded that it can’t educate anybody – then only those with money will be able to afford to have their kids educated in expensive private schools, so only their children will be able to get good jobs.  And most people who can afford to buy education are white.  Sure, there are a lot of poor white folk out there who will get left behind, but the system will still favor them over poor blacks, so they should be happy. Nothing makes the unfortunate happier than some other group to look down on and feel superior to.

POE:  But there are plenty of blacks who have money now, and they will be able to afford to pay the cost of educating their kids.

HUBBARD:  There are fewer blacks with money than you realize.  The Jeffersons and the Cosby Show are fantasies. Black people don’t live like that. It is a lie to make liberals feel good. And even if there are a few negroes who do have money, in a generation or two it won’t matter because it will be okay again to discriminate against them in the workplace.  Their kids won’t get good jobs, so they won’t be able to afford to educate their kids, so those few blacks with money will slip back into poverty and illiteracy.

POE: But there are laws against economic discrimination.

HUBBARD:  Oh yeah. You’re talking about them civil rights, aintcha?  Well, we got that figured out too.  A law is only as good as the government’s will to enforce it.  Our program to pack every court with conservative judges is almost complete.  Soon it won’t matter if a black person who has been discriminated against sues, because they won’t win.  Ever.  As I said, problem solved.

POE:  And then what?

HUBBARD: As I said, the problem is solved.  If they don’t work, they will starve and die, so they will do whatever they are told to do.  It may not be called slavery, but it will look, sound, taste and smell exactly like it.

POE: Doesn’t this whole scheme conflict with your Christian values?

HUBBARD:  Which ones?

POE:  The Christian value of helping the poor.  Your plan makes more people  poor.

HUBBARD:  Yes, but it primarily makes black people poor.  And those greasy latinos.  But we are doing it for their own good. They are like children that need to be taken care of. They are happier when someone else does all that hard thinking for them.  Right now blacks who are educated and in the workforce doing complex and important jobs are miserable. And their inherent laziness makes them do a bad job, and that drags down our economy.  Black folk aren’t suited for good jobs that pay well and include health and retirement benefits.  They secretly yearn for a simpler time when white people were in charge and used a firm hand to maintain order.  Bringing negroes back to that state of grace is a kindness that surely Jesus would have approved of.

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Jesus would have approved.

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HEADLINE – REPUBLICANS ACCUSE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION OF FAKING JOB NUMBERS

MUNCIE –  Jack Welch, founder and former CEO of General Electric, Romney surrogate and de facto spokesman for the Republican Party stated that the statistics showing a slow but steady improvement for the national economy have been fabricated by the Obama administration.

“These are unbelievable job numbers,” Welch tweeted. “Chicago guys will do anything… can’t debate so change the numbers.”

Welch’s sentiment reflects a constant Republican complaint about the U.S. economy.  They believe it cannot be improving and must be getting worse.

“These numbers can’t be real,” Welch said. “We did everything we could to ruin the economy. We gave America George Bush and he gave us two wars and huge entitlements that he paid for with money borrowed from China.  He drove the deficit up to astronomical levels.  Obama inherited an economy that simply could not be fixed, and after he was elected, Republicans in congress did everything they could to  stop him from fixing the economy by create jobs.   So numbers showing any improvement must be wrong.”

Others disagree.

“These statistics show what we all know, and that is that the American economy is finally rising out of the dark hole that the Republicans dug for the nation and that President Obama inherited from George Bush,” said Big Bird, a Public Television celebrity. “Obama had an impossible job to do, but now his policies are working.  There is no need to make drastic cuts in public spending, especially funding for Public Television,” Bird said. “So Mitt Romney can go fuck himself.”

During his first Presidential Debate, Republican candidate Mitt Romney refused to say which government programs he would cut, but when pressed he said he would cut funding for Public Television.

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YES, BUT WHAT DO THEY HAVE TO SAY?

The medium is the message.

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“The cows are all liars!!” yelled Farmer Brown when he heard the news.

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EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH PAUL RYAN

[In this frankly fictitious interview, Congressman Paul Ryan – Mitt Romney’s choice for Vice President – talked with People of Earth about his recent refusal to discuss Mitt’ Romney’s tax proposals because it would take too long to explain.]

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Congressman Ryan, let’s cut to the chase.  You recently appeared on Fox News and refused to discuss yours and Mitt Romney’s tax proposals because it would take too long to explain.

RYAN:  That’s right.  When Mitt Romney and I are elected, within the first 100 days of our first term in office we will cut every American’s taxes by 20%.

POE: How will you do that?

RYAN:  We will do it by closing tax loopholes.

POE:  Which ones?

RYAN:  Isn’t America great, Paul?

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POE:  Hold on. Let’s not get distracted.

RYAN:  What? Do you deny that America is the greatest nation the world has ever seen?

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POE:  About your tax proposals –

RYAN:  It’s about freedom, Paul.

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The freedom to die in the street.

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POE:  Congressman Ryan, I will talk with you about freedom later –

RYAN:  Freedom is great.

POE:  No argument there.  But –

RYAN:  It is great to be free.

POE: How would you cut taxes 20% for all Americans?

RYAN:  Could you repeat the question?

POE: How would you cut taxes 20% for all Americans?

RYAN:  We would do it by eliminating tax loopholes.

POE:  Which ones?

RYAN: Which ones what?

POE: Which tax loopholes would you eliminate to cut every American’s taxes by 20%?

RYAN:  We would cut a lot of them.

POE:  Yes, but which ones?

RYAN:  Well, it would take a lot of time to answer that question, Paul, so I would rather not do it.

POE:  We have all the time in the world.  Please feel free to explain.

RYAN:  I have many demands on my time. I am busy trying to save America from being destroyed by a secret Muslim socialist baby killer.

POE:  Clearly, you are a busy man.  So let’s use what time we have left hearing your explanation of how you and Mitt Romney are going to cut taxes by closing tax loopholes.

RYAN:  The explanation involves a lot of math.

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POE:  Do you understand the math?

RYAN:  I sure do!  I have the reputation in congress of being a number cruncher.

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“I TOTALLY crunched these numbers, you crunching mother cruncher!”

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POE:  Good, then why don’t you explain what you understand?

RYAN:  Because, even though I understand it – because I am real smart – it would take too long for you to understand it.

POE:  I am real smart, too.

RYAN:  Not as smart as me.

POE:  I have advanced degrees in mathematics and economics.

RYAN:  There still isn’t enough time for me to explain it.

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POE:  So you just want America to take it on faith that you are right – without any explanation before the election.

RYAN:  Bingo. On the nose.  Yes, exactly.

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POE:  But why should we believe you?  You lied to us about running a marathon in record time.

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RYAN:  (Laughing) yeah, I did lie about that, didn’t I?  But this is different.  I’m telling the truth here.  Mitt and I have a great plan to cut taxes by closing tax loopholes and it is a great plan but it is too complex for the average voter to understand.

POE: Okay. Then let’s try to apply some basic math here.  You want to cut taxes by eliminating tax loopholes.  That doesn’t add up.

RYAN:  Sure it does.

POE:  No it doesn’t.  People use tax loopholes to cut their taxes, to pay less tax.  Eliminating a tax loophole will increase the taxes for people who rely on those loopholes.  So by eliminating tax loopholes you are just shifting the tax burden from one group to another.  Some may see a tax decrease, but others will see a tax increase.

RYAN:  Not if you cut spending.  If you cut spending, then the tax reductions won’t increase the deficit because we are spending less than we are taking in overall.

POE:  You are talking about trillions of dollars in spending cuts.

RYAN: (Pausing) uh huh.

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POE:  What spending are you going to cut?

RYAN:  Isn’t America great, Paul?

POE:  Don’t change the subject.  True or false: you are proposing huge tax cuts for the richest Americans.

RYAN:  Can you repeat the question?

POE: Yes or no: you are proposing huge tax cuts for the richest Americans.

RYAN:  You changed the question from “true or false” to “yes or no.”

POE:  I did that to make it easier for you to answer. Here is the question again – yes or no: you are proposing huge tax cuts for the richest Americans.

RYAN:  Yes.

POE:  Yes or no:  without an increase in taxes or, in the alternative, a cut in spending, cutting taxes for the wealthy will cause further budget deficits.

RYAN: We prefer to call rich people “job creators.”

POE:  My question, again is – yes or no:  without tax increases or spending reductions, cutting taxes for the wealthy will cause further budget deficits.

RYAN:  Yes. President Obama failed to -

POE:  Yes or no:  if elected, you will not cut military spending, corporate welfare, tax breaks for oil companies, or federal give-aways to red states with Republican majorities, but will, instead, cut education funding, food and safety regulations, entitlement programs for the poor and elderly.

RYAN: No, that isn’t true.  We are going to save Medicare and social security.

POE:  But the rest is true?

RYAN: (Pausing) yes, but we are going to save Medicare and Social Security.

POE:  How are you going to do that.

RYAN:  It would take too long to explain.

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POE:  Yes or no:  you intend on “saving” Medicare and Social Security by privatizing them.

RYAN:  Yes, but we won’t be making any changes that will affect any people currently retired or about to retire.

POE:  What about people like me who have paid taxes our whole lives into the Medicare and Social Security system but who aren’t going to retire for at least ten years?

RYAN:  Oh. Well, people like you are shit out of luck.

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“I feel your pain, you poor, sick, homeless, irrelevant asshole. Get a job.”

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POE:  How so?

RYAN:  By the time you retire, the Medicare and Social Security systems as we now know them will have been abolished and replaced by a voucher system where every American gets a flat payment they can use for retirement living expenses or medical care.  Or they can invest that money in the stock market and become rich the way Mitt Romney and his rich friends have.

POE:  What if the stock market crashes after I converted my retirement and health care vouchers into stock?

RYAN:  Shit out of luck.

POE:  What if I keep the money, but my living expenses and medical care are higher than what the voucher covers?

RYAN:  Shit out of luck. But so what? That’s your fault for not working harder and saving more, or, if your stock investments tank, its your fault for not having enough money to hire expensive investment advisors like the kind Mitt Romney and I have to help us know when the stock market is going to crash so we can take our money out before that happens and make huge profits off of the backs of people like you who can’t afford the same level of financial advice and so couldn’t get their money out of the market before it crashes.  And it is going to crash. It always crashes.

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RYAN:  That’s how people like Mitt and me make our money. We buy low after a crash, then sell high right before the next crash.  This process essentially takes money out of your pocket and puts it in ours.  And we didn’t have to do anything other than hire someone to tell us when to buy and when to sell – people you can’t afford to hire.  The free market is a beautiful thing.  We get rid of Medicare and Social Security and give you a check instead to invest in the stock market. Then we take that money the government gave you when the stock market crashes and you lose that money you invested – to us!  We get richer, and better able to pay for the advice we need to do it again, and you get poorer and less able to pay for the kind of financial advice you need to avoid being a victim to the financial game that we are essentially forcing you to play but that we fixed to benefit us at your disadvantage!

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RYAN:  When the US government encouraged people to gamble with their retirement money by investing it in the stock market it resulted in the biggest redistribution of wealth from the middle class to the upper class in history!  We can do the same thing with Medicare and Social Security, and the beauty part is that these “vouchers” will be paid for with tax money – middle class tax money – being snatched out of the hands of elderly Americans and sucked right into the offshore tax sheltered secret bank accounts of the wealthy!

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It’s socialism in reverse! Instead of redistributing wealth downward from the rich back to the poor, it redistributes wealth upward!

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POE: So that is how you are going to save Medicare and Social Security?

RYAN:  Yup.

POE: By destroying it and replacing it with a voucher system that favors the rich at the expense of the middle class and poor?

RYAN:  We prefer the term “reform.”

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POE:  A distinction without a difference.

RYAN:  That is free market economics, baby!  It is what made American great. Well, to be honest – and, as we’ve determined in this interview, honesty does not come easy to me – free market economics made some Americans great, but not all.  And for a good reason. Someone has to be so afraid of starving to death and dying of preventable disease to work for near starvation wages and be grateful for it in order for a very small group of people who don’t work at all to be super rich forever.

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If they get hungry enough, they will be satisfied with less.

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RYAN:  That is how every system that allowed a small group of people to get rich and stay rich has worked through the ages.  Something went wrong here in America, but Mitt and I – joined with a Senate and House of Representatives controlled by social conservatives – will set it right.  I mean, look at China!  They have what we want:  a huge group of serfs without health insurance of any kind working hard for virtually nothing to make less than 1% of the Chinese population rich!

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RYAN: Sure, you get the occasional peasant riot in factories, that are more like prisons with barbed wire fences and guard towers around them, but look at how the Chinese deal with those ingrates – they round them up, throw them in real prisons where they make them work, this time for no pay, and then sell their internal organs to rich people all over the world who get the best medical care their money can pay for so they can live on virtually forever.

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RYAN:  Look at Dick Cheney!  He should have died years ago.  For a while he didn’t even have a heartbeat!  But he is rich!  We are so close. So close to getting that for everyone who counts, who matters – the job creators.

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RYAN:  It is so close.  But with voter suppression efforts, voter vigilante gangs that will harass minority voters at the polls, and with the grace of God, we will win this election and the revolution will be an accomplished fact.  This may be our last chance.  If Obama wins, he will improve education, which means the average voter is more likely to see through the bullshit I am spouting and realize that I want to use Big Government to make me and my rich friends even richer and to impose an economic system on America that is the modern equivalent of feudalism where workers have no rights and the poor are free to die, and where the wealthy ruling class uses modern technology to suppress dissent by listening to phone calls and reading emails and text messages to find the potential leaders of any popular revolt and have them arrested because they are terrorists trying to overthrow the political system oppressing and enslaving them.

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RYAN: We are so close. Everything is in place.  We have the legislation we need to suppress dissent. The vast majority of the population is now dependent on electronic means of communications like phones and the internet; there are CCTV cameras everywhere, which means we have everyone under surveillance. We control the Supreme Court.  The Press is now irrelevant as a watchdog.  We are about to take over congress and the executive office. We won’t get a chance like this again for a generation, if ever.  So this is it. We have to take advantage of a stupid, undereducated electorate before steps are taken to teach them critical thinking skills.

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HEADLINE – POLAR BEAR SCIENTIST CLEARED OF MISCONDUCT

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The relationship was determined to be consensual.

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HEADLINE – ROMNEY PANDERS TO MAINLAND CHINESE FOR CAMPAIGN CASH

MUNCIE – After declaring China the “main enemy” of the United States and promising to start a trade war if elected, Mitt Romney announced plans to ask  Chinese nationals to contribute money to his campaign.

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“I don’t see anything inconsistent or hypocritical about this at all,” Romney said as he attempted to open a window in his private jet flying to Hong Kong to attend a fund raising dinner. “Darned thing is broken,” Romney complained when he failed to find a handle to “roll down” the jet window.

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“When Mitt was in charge of Bain Capital, he oversaw the export of thousands and thousands of American jobs to China,” said Romney Spokesman Trip Whiteman. “The least they can do is toss some cash at him in repayment,” Whiteman added.

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“I love the Chinese,” Romney said. “They are all the right height.  And their workers are grateful for their jobs, they don’t have health insurance, it is very, very difficult to escape poverty, and they like me – which is what I want for America,” Romney concluded.

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He has a vision.

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HEADLINE – DONALD TRUMP SAYS “VENGEANCE IS A CHRISTIAN VALUE”

 

“Jesus wants me to take vengeance against my hair stylist.”

MUNCIE –   During a speech on Monday at the Lynchburg, Virginia Christian college, Liberty University, Donald Trump gave the assembled Christian students some advice: “Get even.”

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“A few of you may say my advice is anti-Christian. Wrong!” Trump said.

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A student pointed out that Trumps advice conflicts with Christ’s Sermon on the Mount recorded in chapters 5-7 of the Gospel of Matthew, where Jesus tells his followers to reject the Old Testament rules on eye-for-an-eye justice and, if slapped, turn the other cheek rather than retaliate.

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 ”Don’t believe any of that malarky,” Trump responded.  ”Jesus was being misquoted by the liberal media.”

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The liberal media makes Jesus very, very angry.

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“Believe me, the central message of Christianity is “every man for himself” and “always kick a man when he’s down because there is no better time to do it,” Trump said.

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Trump, married three times, then advised the assembled students to get prenuptial agreements before they get married.

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“Jesus wasn’t married and I know why,” Trump said.  ”It is because they didn’t have prenuptial agreements in those days so if you got married you were screwed if you wanted to get out of it, especially if you had a lot of money and the woman seduced you because she wanted your money.  But Jesus avoided all of that by not getting married. I’m not saying he didn’t play the field. He just didn’t get married.  I am absolutely sure that, if Jesus had access to a prenuptial agreement, he would have been married. At least once.”

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Maybe more than once.

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The university has posted a video of Trump’s speech on its website, noting that Chancellor Falwell introduced Trump as ”one of the greatest visionaries of our time.”

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EVEN MORE PROOF THAT MITT ROMNEY SHOULDN’T BE OUR NEXT PRESIDENT

This is real.

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Here is exactly what Romney said:

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When you have a fire in an aircraft, there’s no place to go, exactly, there’s no — and you can’t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t open. I don’t know why they don’t do that. It’s a real problem. So it’s very dangerous.

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This man – who doesn’t know that, if you open a window on an airplane, you and everyone in the aircraft will die – is very likely going to be the next president of the United States.

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“I know there is a airplane around here somewhere….”

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“Hey, look at that! All the people look like ants!”

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HEADLINE – DEMOCRATS ACT TO SUPPRESS CONSERVATIVE VOTERS

MUNCIE –  To counter Republican efforts to prevent poor people, minorities and women – groups that traditionally vote for democrats – from voting, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) has embarked on a campaign to prevent stupid people from voting.

“Smart voters will never, ever vote for Republican candidates,” former GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorumisaid recently.m

“Stupid voters are the bedrock of Romney’s re-election effort,” Santorum continued.  ”Stupid people traditionally vote Republican,” Santorum said. “If they have a college education or read for pleasure you can be sure they aren’t going to vote for Romney.”

Mitt Romney’s campaign has spend millions of dollars in an effort to appeal to Birthers, knee-jerk jingoistic patriots, NASCAR enthusiasts, anti-abortion fanatics, proud morbidly obese Type 2 diabetics who don’t have or want health insurancei- even Snooki fans.I

 ”We are currently negotiating to get an endorsement from the Octomom,” said an anonymous Romney campaign strategist. “If we can appeal to stupid voters while simultaneously suppressing the poor/minority/woman vote then we should be able to win this thing in November,” the Romney strategist said.

The DNC is fighting fire with fire. “If the Republicans try to prevent democrats from voting, then the DNC going to attempt to suppress the stupid vote,” said Trixie LaRue, a DNC spokesperson.

The plan is fairly simple:  the DNC will set up fake polling places/voting areas on election day with signs outside that read:

“A smart person will read that sign, understand the warning and not vote at that location.  A stupid person, however – i.e., a likely Republican voter – will probably not read the small print, will be impressed by the bright colors, and go into the fake area to vote,” LaRue said.

And when they get into the fake voting booth, they will be given the following fake ballot:

“The average stupid voter will believe they voted for Romney/against Obama, feel pleased with the result, go home, and never realize they didn’t really vote,” LaRue said.

“Early fake voting” is scheduled to begin tomorrow in Mississippi, Texas, Missouri, Indiana, West Virgina and Arizona.

WOULD YOU BUY A USED RFID TAG FROM THIS MAN?

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A few years ago I got involved in an effort to defeat legislation that threatened to outlaw the use of RFID technology in California.  RFID is an acronym that stands for “radio frequency identification.”  If you have an identification card that you wave in front of a reader to get into a secured building, a hotel room or even a car park, then you’ve used RFID technology and know how harmless it is and how useful it is in our everyday lives.  Hospitals use RFID tags in patient wrist bands to make sure they don’t accidentally lose track of a patient and perform surgery on the wrong person.  Amusement parks use RFID tags in wrist bands for children to help reunite them with their families if they get lost.

School districts all over the world are now using them to take attendance fast and absolutely accurately.  Here is how it works: each student ID has an RFID tag in them with a unique alphanumeric code.  When they walk into a classroom, a reader at the top of the doorway reads the unique number and the school’s computers do the rest.  It’s fast, it’s easy, it’s inexpensive, it’s safe  - and, in many school districts in the United States, it saves enormous amounts of time and money that can be better spent educating kids.

I learned what I know about RFID almost a decade ago when I was hired by a small high tech company called InCom that was marketing an RFID attendance system to schools.  They hired me to help stop legislation that would have made RFID use illegal in California by imposing unnecessary  but crushing regulations that would have rendered RFID use too difficult and expensive to use, thereby effectively banning it.  The bills were vetoed by then Governor Schwarzenegger and the effort to ban RFID technology died with the veto.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not just a hired gun. I cannot represent a client or advocate a position unless I believe in it.  Even though I am no longer advocating on behalf of RFID manufacturers, my experience gave me a strong appreciation for RFID technology and I continue to speak out on its behalf whenever the issue of its use arises.

Well, it’s happened again.  A school district in Texas has decided to adopt an RFID attendance program and some parents don’t like it.

The following link takes you to a HuffPost live video discussion that lets you see for yourself what is at the heart of many complaints about RFID use, if not what is at the heart of the problems of public education in the United States.  Let me know what you think:

 

http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/segment/504a478978c90a6f54000085

 

Click on TRACKING OUR KIDS.

I do not welcome any comments about my sloppy necktie.

(FURTHER) CONFESSIONS OF A DISGRUNTLED REPUBLICAN

And you kids – get your dog off my lawn!.

I know I am shouting my dissatisfaction in the political wilderness.  Explaining (again) why I am so unhappy with the GOP isn’t going to provide me with a better Republican choice for president in the 2012 general election.

But I am going to do it anyway.

When McCain lost to Obama, I saw it, not as a defeat, but as a victory for conservative moderates.  McCain lost his bid to become president because he kissed the ass of the Right Wing lunatic fringe and selected Sarah Palin as his running mate.  He picked Sarah Palin to appease the vocal lunatic fringe on the right who refused to support McCain picked an inexperienced, intellectually challenged demagogic ideologue that fit into their sick and twisted world view, rejected education and science, and gave lip service to their false Christian values.

Moderate conservatives like me – the former bedrock of the Republican Party – looked at Palin, read the notes she wrote on her hand to prepare for a debate, evaluated the odds of McCain’s poor health failing him under the pressure of the presidency – leaving Palin as President – and reluctantly decided to vote for Obama.  Any chance of Palin becoming President because McCain died in office was simply unthinkable and too horrible to contemplate.

It was our votes that made Obama president.  We did so hoping for two things: we hoped that McCain’s loss would prompt the GOP to reform itself, shrug off the right wing lunatic fringe like a dog shakes off a bad case of fleas, and provide the American people with a viable presidential and vice presidential candidate for 2012 that reflected the traditional Republican values of integrity and honesty.

That didn’t happen.  Instead of rejecting the lunacy that caused McCain to pick Palin,  the lunatic fringe was allowed to virtually take over the GOP, while the very flawed GOP primary system gave us Mitt Romney as the best of an awful field of candidates (Newt Gringrich?  Michelle Bachmann?  Rick Perry?  Herman Cane???).  And Romney won because he outspent his moronic opponents and for no other reason.

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[Romney's choice of Paul Ryan as running mate seemed, at first, to be a positive event.  Sure, it was done for the same reason McCain picked Palin - i.e., to kiss up to the GOP's lunatic fringe - but he wasn't stupid like Palin was, and that was a big difference.

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But it didn't matter.  Within the first few weeks of his being chosen as Romney's VP, Ryan revealed himself to be something of an idiot, and a dishonest one, too.  He was transformed from thoughtful young conservative to brain dead attack dog.]

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So the GOP has given me the choice of voting for Romney or allowing 4 more years of Obama.

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My problem is that I really, really don’t like Romney.  His primary strategy for winning against Obama tells us everything we need to know what kind of man he is and what kind of President he will be.  His strategy is based on cheating, deception and outright lies.

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He is blaming our current economic mess on Obama.  But every thinking American – or at least those with any kind of long term memory – knows that Obama inherited a mess so big that it almost took out the whole world.

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George W. Bush is not solely responsible for the crisis that happened during his second term.  The conditions that caused the disaster we are still deep within are the result of policies and inaction stretching back to the 1970′s.  But Bush’s decisions to cut taxes for the rich, to create brand new expensive unfunded entitlements for seniors, to pay for two wars with borrowed money and to do nothing to resolve the growing real estate and derivative bubbles – despite ample warning – were the straws that broke the world’s economic back.

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The point is that Romney’s attempt to criticize Obama’s failure to solve in four years what took over 40 years to happen is disingenuous and misleading.

Romney compounds this problem by avoiding talking about what he plans on doing to fix the problem that Obama didn’t or couldn’t.  And there is good reason for this: Romney plans on doing exactly what Bush did – the very tax, spending and regulation cutting policies that brought the crisis to full flower in the first place.

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If Romney succeeds in implementing his plans, he himself will save hundreds of thousands of dollars on his taxes – which are ridiculously low to begin with. And I don’t like that. 

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Romney is pinning his hopes for success on GOP state voter suppression efforts.  He is hoping that enough people who ordinarily vote for Obama won’t be allowed to vote because the republican controlled legislatures in swing states have passed laws making it more difficult for minorities and the poor to vote.

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This is victory through trickery, not through the battle of ideas.  It stinks and I don’t like it.

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I really hate Romney waffling all the time.  He will change his position any time he feels doing it will win him a few votes.

For example, throughout this election Romney has stated that on “day one” of his presidency he will repeal Obamacare. Period.  But it turns out Obamacare is popular. So Romney just announced that he won’t repeal all of Obamacare, just those parts he doesn’t like.  Then he had the audacity to claim that his obvious shift isn’t a change in his original position.  He thinks the American people are morons.

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But worst of all, Romney is willing to lie to win.  I won’t bore you with all the lies he has said, all of the deceptive statements obviously designed to mislead people into believing things that aren’t true.  I will give you only the most recent example.  A few hours ago from when I wrote these words, the American Ambassador to Lybia and three of his staff were murdered by a crowd upset with an American produced video insulting Islam (I’ve seen it; it is pretty horrible. It doesn’t excuse murder, but the film is really over the top insulting. People would riot if the same kind of movie was made about Jesus and Christianity).  In response to these murders, President Obama said:

I strongly condemn the outrageous attack on our diplomatic facility in Benghazi, which took the lives of four Americans, including Ambassador Chris Stevens. Right now, the American people have the families of those we lost in our thoughts and prayers. They exemplified America’s commitment to freedom, justice, and partnership with nations and people around the globe, and stand in stark contrast to those who callously took their lives.

I have directed my Administration to provide all necessary resources to support the security of our personnel in Libya, and to increase security at our diplomatic posts around the globe. While the United States rejects efforts to denigrate the religious beliefs of others, we must all unequivocally oppose the kind of senseless violence that took the lives of these public servants.

On a personal note, Chris was a courageous and exemplary representative of the United States. Throughout the Libyan revolution, he selflessly served our country and the Libyan people at our mission in Benghazi. As Ambassador in Tripoli, he has supported Libya’s transition to democracy. His legacy will endure wherever human beings reach for liberty and justice. I am profoundly grateful for his service to my Administration, and deeply saddened by this loss.

The brave Americans we lost represent the extraordinary service and sacrifices that our civilians make every day around the globe. As we stand united with their families, let us now redouble our own efforts to carry their work forward.

Here is what Romney said in response to the President’s statement:

 When our grounds are being attacked, and being breached, that the first response of the United States must be outrage at the breach of the sovereignty of our nation. And apology for America’s values is never the right course,he said, slamming the Obama administration for “sympathiz[ing] with those who waged the attacks.

 I think it’s a — a — a terrible course to — for America to — to stand in apology for our values. That instead, when our grounds are being attacked and being breached, that the first response of the United States must be outrage at the breach of the sovereignty of our nation.

An apology for America’s values is never the right course.

They clearly — they clearly sent mixed messages to the world and the statement that came from the administration and the embassy is the administration. The statement that came from the administration was — was a statement which is akin to apology and I think was a — a severe miscalculation.

But it’s also important for me, just as it was for the White House last night, by the way, to say that the statements were inappropriate, and in my — in my view, a — a disgraceful statement on the part of our administration to apologize for American values.

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Is he kidding?  Romney so utterly misrepresented what Obama said that it amounts to a lie.  The President’s statement didn’t apologize for American values. Romney is trying to feed into the whisper campaign that Obama is a muslim sympathizer, possibly a secret muslim himself, and that he apologizes for being American.  This is a calculated attempt to deceive the electorate in order to get a few votes.

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I really, really don’t like that about Romney – that he is willing to do anything, say anything to anyone to win.

And this is the man the GOP has placed on the ballot for me to vote for.  Not Chris Christie.  Not Tim Pawlenty.  Not Marco Rubio.  Not John Huntsman.

Out of all the people they could have chosen, they gave us Mitt Romney: a morally bankrupt rich guy, trying hard to hide just how rich he is, a bully and gay basher when he was a teenager, and willing to sell his soul to become President of the United States.

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REMEMBERING JOURNALSPACE

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Looking for something else, I found this.  I don’t remember writing it, or posting it, but it reminds me of a strange, rarified experience that ended when that place just just seemed to evaporate one day.

On November 18, 2007, I posted the following silliness at Journalspace:

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I am sure by now all of the People of Earth are aware that the Screen Writer’s Guild is on strike.   The men and women who write scripts for your favorite television shows and movies are refusing to write anything unless they get a teeny, tiny share of the billions of dollars Hollywood producers are paid.

 You may see this as a terrible thing. How many reruns can the human mind stand? But I see this as my big chance to finally become a Hollywood writer. I am hoping that producers are desperate enough to seriously consider my ideas.  Here are some of them:

SURVIVOR CHINA/BIG BROTHER:  Takes place in a Mainland Chinese supermarket.  The contestants have to eat what they find there. The last contestant who doesn’t die of food poisoning, lead poisoning or from ingesting industrial solvents wins.

THE BIG STICK:  Imagine two people in a room. One of them is hitting the other with a big stick. This idea is a sure winner. Violence sells. Americans love violence.  And the best part is that it doesn’t require any writers. There is no script. Just a room, two people and a stick. Maybe a chair. Talk about your “high concept.”

THE JUDGE MANN SHOW:  Retired Judge Mann makes a statement, and for the rest of the show a panel of legal experts and mental health professionals debate whether the statement has a sound legal foundation or whether it is a manifestation of a psychotic episode.

THE PERSONAL HYGENE HABITS OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS:  Who doesn’t want to watch Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt’s brushing their teeth?  I sure would.

THE PADRE CADRE:  Just like the Mod Squad from the 1970’s, but with priests.  A group of priests, rabbis and Imams secretly solve crimes, many of them supernatural in nature. The main characters might also have faith-inspired super powers, like walking on water, summoning forth locusts (to confound the bad guys) or moving mountains.

THE SENATOR AND MR. VIVA:  A California State Senator is forced by humorous circumstances to share a Sacramento apartment with “Mr. Viva” – a professional male stripper.  Even though the Senator and Mr. Viva lead very different lives, they are nevertheless united by their paranoid fear of Government surveillance.

MY THREE SONS OF SAM:  In this sit-com, a single father is raising three sons, each of which is a serial killer taking instructions from the talking family dog, Sam.  Hijinks ensue.

SHOOTIN’ UP!:  Three heroin addicts keep pursuing hilariously complex hare-brained schemes to get enough money for their next fix. In the pilot episode, the addicts impersonate the lost relatives of a dying rich old lady, only to learn after her death that she gave all of her money to her cat.  Each episode always ends back in the abandoned house where the show begins with the three addicts going into withdrawal as the audience laughs and applauds. Fade to black.

TALKING BEER BOTTLE ISLAND:  Something for the kids.  This show is just like Lidsville back in the 1970’s, except that the characters are talking beer bottles with personalities to match the kind of beer they are. For example, Lone Star is a Texan, Bud is king, and Sam Adams is an American revolutionary. Fun for the whole beer drinking family.

GASPAR THE FRIENDLY SKULL:  In this kid’s show, Gaspar is a friendly, disembodied floating skull. Gaspar is sad because all of the children are frightened of him and run away every time he floats up and says “hi!”  The show teaches tolerance for disembodied skulls and acceptance of Día de los Muertos festival activities.

Speaking of tolerance, there is a growing television market catering to homosexuals.  They even have their own cable television station – Logo (which is Latin for “logo”).  Even though I am not gay, I am confident I can write for this new, important television, underserved market. Here are some of my ideas:

OKLAHOMO!:   Brokeback Mountain revealed to the straight world how much gay people are fascinated with cowboys.  My idea is basically the exact same thing as the musical Okalahoma! except that the direction emphasizes the homo-erotic tension between Curly and Judd. As the audience watches the plot unfold, they slowly realize that Curly loves Judd and is pursuing the beautiful but clueless Laurey because Curly is in denial of his true sexual orientation.  The song lyrics “brand new state…plen’y of room to swing a rope!/ plen’y of heart and plen’y of hope” will take on a totally new meaning.

HOMOCIDE: Just like the detective drama Homicide but everyone in the show is gay – and fabulous.

GAYLIENS: Closely based on the classic TV sitcom My Favorite Martian. Set in the 1960’s, Uncle Martin is flamboyantly gay guy from Mars. Martin’s “nephew” knows it, but this being the ‘60’s, none of the straight people in the show realize it – even though Inspector Brennan often suspects “something is up.”

I am going to send these ideas to every Hollywood producer out there, and maybe, just maybe, I will get my lucky break.

However, in the meantime, I will heed my wife’s advice to “keep my day job.”

She never supports my dreams.

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Reading the foregoing – for the first time in nearly five years – was bitter-sweet.  Seeing what I was capable of only a few years ago was sweet. Talking Beer Bottle Island?  Could I be any funnier?  But concluding I am no longer the person who wrote this piece, that I’ve changed in five years, that my creative powers, the glee that bubbles up, or used to, doesn’t quite do that anymore left a very bitter taste.  I’m not the grinning imp I once was.  Heck, now that I think of it, I haven’t perpetrated a complex practical joke for  longer than I can remember.  When did I so thoroughly and unequivocally grow up?

Then I thought about it and decided that if I could revise the original I would add one more idea, one more perfect television show:

SAY YES TO THE MESS:

My wife watches three television programs I detest – The first is Say Yes to the Dress, a program that follows a bride on her quest to purchase a wedding dress. I admit the sales staff’s invariably successful attempts to massage the ultimate sale to a level higher than the family’s “budget” is interesting.  Anyone who has ever worked in retail sales would admire the skill used to squeeze more money out of bride’s family for what amounts to the purchase of something that will only be used once. But otherwise the program features people readily indulging in six of the seven deadly sins and watching it leaves me feeling unclean.

The second television program my wife enjoys – but that I hate – is House Hunters.  In this program, wealthy people who want to purchase a home consider three gosh real estate prospects, eventually arbitrarily settling on one of the three.

The third television program my wife enjoys – but that I find horrific beyond my ability to articulate – is Hoarders.  This television show is about people who accumulate so much “stuff” that their homes become unlivable – and often vermin infested.  They are “hoarders” living in their own private circle of hell devoted to their endless worthless possessions and broken refrigerators and freezers filled with rotting produce and meat.

Although I hate all three programs, I love the idea of combining them into a show with the working title Say Yes to the Mess.  Imagine a television program where hoarders go and visit the homes of other hoarders and consider swapping their disgusting homes for the disgusting homes of other hoarders.

I’d watch that show. Wouldn’t you?

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Yep. I’ve still got it.

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A Flagrant Violation of Copyright

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video_subtitles.html

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In the original, didn’t the idealistic good guys all die in the end?

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CREATURE TAILS?

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On Wednesday my blog traffic shot up suddenly.  I looked into it and found out that hundreds of thousands of people found this blog via the following search term:

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CREATURE TAILS

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Can anyone explain this?  Is there some weird sexual fetish trending out there that I am unaware of?

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HEADLINE – NASA DEVELOPING MENU FOR MARS MISSION

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NASA recently revealed for the first time that NASA is working on a menu for a mission to Mars (the “Red Planet”) envisioned for “sometime in the 2030′s.”

NASA’s Director of Space Food Science, Reginald Quince, agreed to discuss this exciting news with PEOPLE OF EARTH.

Reginald Quince

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Director Quince, thank you for agreeing to speak with us today to discuss this new Mars menu that NASA recently announced.

REGINALD QUINCE:  No, thank you for the opportunity to let the world know about the amazing work we are doing to make sure that the first people on Mars have the very best food available to celebrate their great achievement.

POE:  I don’t want to misrepresent the reach of this forum. My blog is somewhat exclusively read.

QUINCE:  How exclusive?

POE:  If this interview is read at all, it will be read primarily by people in Australia, New Zealand and isolated rural parts of the Orkney Islands.

QUINCE:  I was under the impression that your blog communicated to all of the people of earth.

POE:  Theoretically yes, but in practice, unfortunately not.

QUINCE: Well…. I’m here, we might as well talk.

POE:  Thank you.

QUINCE: Better than nothing.

POE:  Well let’s get right to it.  Tell me more about this menu NASA has announced.

QUINCE:  My pleasure, Paul.  After months and months of meetings and reading endless positions papers, it was finally decided that it will be a tasting menu.

POE:  Tasting menu?

QUINCE:  Yes!  NASA has worked diligently to create the finest, most flavorful dishes made from the best ingredients from around the world paired with the perfect wines!

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POE:  Aren’t you putting the cart before the horse?

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QUINCE:  If by that you mean have we put the cart of culinary excellence before the horse of gastronomical delight, then yes, that is what we did, what we are doing and what we are striving to achieve!!

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POE:  Let me approach this problem from a different direction.  Before you start spending money to plan what astronauts on Mars will be eating, don’t you think you first have to figure out how to get there and how to pay for it?

[At that point, Director Quince left our recording studios and would not return our calls.]

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“PUT THAT BACK! YOU KNOW WE CAN’T AFFORD NO TANG!

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OBAMA VS ROMNEY – THE TRUE DIFFERENCE

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I’m betting on the Professor.  For obvious reasons.

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Most Americans Oppose Obama’s Health Care Reforms, but Likes What it Does

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No joke: it’s real -

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A Reuters/Ipsos poll showed on Sunday that most Americans oppose President Barack Obama’s healthcare reform even though they strongly support its provisions.

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Medicare is a government run health care program.

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This seems, well, sort of stupid, if not crazy, so People of Earth: Attention located an average American to interview and find out what is going on.

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The average American voter.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Thank you for speaking with me today to clear up how you, the average American voter, feels about President Obama’s reforms of the American medical care system.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  It’s simple, Paul.  Like most Americans, I vehemently oppose the President’s plan while strongly supporting the reforms within that plan.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Let me ask you a different question.  Do you like cheese?

AVERAGE AMERICAN: I love cheese.

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Loves cheese.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Do you like mozzarella?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  You bet. I love mozzarella.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Do you like tomato sauce?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  I sure do.

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Loves tomato sauce.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Do you like dough that can be baked into a crust?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  You mean like pizza crust?

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Yes. Like pizza crust.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  I can eat it all day.

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Likes pizza crust.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Great. Do you like mozzarella cheese pizza?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  No, I do not.

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Does not like cheese pizza.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Why not?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  Because I am sick and tired of the government shoving pizza down my throat.  And a black man made that pizza.  It doesn’t taste right. It doesn’t taste American.  It tastes Kenyan. I bet there is dog on that pizza.  I heard it on Fox News.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH: Perhaps your opposition has something to do with the spices used to prepare the pizza.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  I don’t believe in spices. Like global climate change.  Spices aren’t expressly described in the Bible or the U.S. Constitution, so spices don’t exist.  Especially garlic.

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Doesn’t believe in garlic.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Garlic doesn’t exist?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  Nope.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  I think there was some in the salad I ate for lunch.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  No there wasn’t.  Garlic doesn’t exist.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  But I ate some.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  No you didn’t.  Look, do you see the word “garlic” used in the Bible or the Constitution?

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Has never read the Bible or the Constitution, but believes in their infallibility.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  No.  I don’t think the American Founding Fathers discussed garlic.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  Well, there you go. I proved it doesn’t exist.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  But I ate some.

AVERAGE AMERICAN: So?

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Solvitur ambulando.

AVERAGE AMERICAN: Huh?

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Doesn’t know that was Latin.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:   Nothing. Thank you. I have no further questions.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  Any time, Paul.  We’re about to sit down to dinner. Would you like to join us?

PEOPLE OF EARTH: What are you serving?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  Mozzarella cheese on a baked crust with tomato sauce.  My favorite.

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Loves cheese and tomato sauce backed onto a bread-like crust, but hates pizza because he heard bad things about it on Fox News.

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***

Postscript:

Global climate change is causing rising sea levels that are causing the erosion of coastline in those American states with ocean borders.  The State of Virgina is one of them – the same state with a Republican majority intending to pass a law that requires any woman seeking an abortion to have ahtransvaginal ultrasound/prior to obtaining an abortion.

Virginia’s beaches are eroding, and there is a bill in the Virginia legislature that seeks funds to study how to best address the changing sea levels and their effect on Virginia’s Atlanatic coastline.  However, prominent Republicans refused to support the bill because they do not believe in global climate change or “changing sea levels,”  but the bill obtained their support when the bill’s author amended the bill to replace the phrase with “persistent flooding.”   http://hamptonroads.com/2012/06/lawmakers-avoid-buzzwords-climate-change-bills 

God bless America and save us from the dark madness that is sweeping across out once great nation.

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Is fascinated by shiny objects and collects string – AND he votes!

HEADLINE – Michigan woman censored for saying “vagina.”

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DETROIT – A Michigan lawmaker has been banned from speaking on the House floor after saying the word “vagina” while debating a Republican sponsored bill that would strictly restrict abortion rights in the state.

“I’m flattered that you’re all so interested in my vagina,” Rep. Lisa Brown said, addressing the Speaker of the House, “but ‘no’ means ‘no.’”

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Brown was gaveled into silence by House Speaker James Bolger (R-Bumfuck) for “violating the decorum of the House.”  Brown was then barred from speaking during the debate about a school employee retirement bill because she used the “V-word” in an unrelated debate.

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James Bolger

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“Listen, silly, even the concept of a vagina is offensive and is probably an anti-American commie liberal socialist secular humanist plot,” Bolger said.  “Like global warming and a deserving poor person, I don’t think it exists. I married  two women, not at the same time of course – so there is no way I could be gay – and I never found either of my wives’ vaginas, and I tried terribly, terribly hard for years,” Bolger said before explaining how fabulous  Joan Crawford, Judy Garland and musical theater is.

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“I think I saw one over there.”

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“Seriously. Years,” said Bolger’s second wife, Charlene. “I did everything I could think of to help James locate my vagina, but he just can’t get past his fear that girls have ‘cooties.’”

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“If girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, then why do they smell like sardines?” whispered conservative Republican former Senator Larry Craig (married, with children) on the Senate floor during a debate to defund Planned Parenthood a few months prior to being arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover police officer in a men’s bathroom. Senator Craig didn’t realize the microphone was on when he whispered his joke to a fellow conservative Republican Bob Allen.

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“I haven’t worn underwear since 1978 and I have a big red arrow painted on my abdomen pointed down. Nothing seems to help,”Charlene added.

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Bolger’s first wife, Betty, agrees. “Jim doesn’t know anything about vaginas. On our wedding night he burst into tears, locked himself in the bathroom and wouldn’t come out until I promised to “put that thing away.”

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For many Republicans the “V word” issue is less about abysmal sexual ignorance, misogyny or covert homosexuality, and more about returning America to a better time before non-whites “ruined everything.”

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“Fair is fair. If I can’t say nigger then you can’t say vagina, okay?” said Republican political strategist, Baptist minister, Holocaust denier and high school drop out Trip Tripperson.

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Trip Tripperson

“You let me call negroes niggers again, and Mexicans wet backs, and Asians gooks, and the mentally handicapped morons, and homos faggots, and women bitches and cunts –  just like God intended – and I’ll let you call beavers vaginas.  I want my country back, okay? Where’s the birth certificate?? Where’s the birth certificate??!!!” Tripperson shouted in presumed support for Republican sponsored legislation requiring women to post nude photos of themselves in fetish poses on “Christian D/s lifestyle” websites before obtaining an abortion.

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Ron Severstone – the sole remaining moderate Republican – suggests a possible compromise. 

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Ron Severstone

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“There are plenty of ways white men can effectively discuss the plan to turn back the clock and utterly dominate the sex lives of women without offending the lunatic fringe that has taken over the GOP,” Severstone said, a Republican politician who will soon be accused of “hating America” for offering to compromise with “satan worshiping baby killers.”

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“For example, we can call it ‘the hoo ha’ or “the bad thing” or “the otter’s pocket” or – my personal favorite – ‘the lady cave,” Sevestone suggested before running for his life.

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Still others simply view this recent kerfuffle as part of an ongoing process. “History has shown that, when male dominated societies wants to control women, they make sure that women’s bodies are considered obscene as part of reducing a woman’s status to that of a servant and  as property, rather than as a person,” said Professor Judith Holmes.

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 “That is what is essentially happening now.  And, to be brutally honest, it’s working,” Professor Holmes said just before renouncing her American citizenship and emigrating to Australia.

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Prof. Judith Holmes

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The anti-abortion law passed in the House 70-39, with all Republicans voting in favor of it. The legislation now goes to the Senate and is expected to pass with only democrats voting against it.

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AN UNFORTUNATE MISTRANSLATION

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HOW ADORABLE!! (MUST SEE!)

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Something to warm your heart from the American Heartland.  This vid shows a totally adorable three year old boy singing to his church congregation a song with the message “Ain’t No Homo Gonna Make it to Heaven.”

See for yourself!

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That little bigot got a standing ovation from that Christian crowd.

Teaching hate.

Teaching intolerance.

Round ‘em up, put them in camps with electrified fences, and let them die.

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Jesus came and preached a message full of Good News: God wasn’t vengeful, but full of love.  The old rules of hate and retribution were gone, replaced by kindness, understanding and acceptance.  ”An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth” was replaced with “turn the other cheek.”  And most important of all, Jesus admonished us to give up our burning desire to judge others.

Matthew 7:1-5

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.

Luke 6:37

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.

John 8:7

And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.”

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It is utterly horrifying that people who gather together to remember Jesus teach three year old boys to hate and to judge.  And it is terrifying because if Jesus’ clear and unequivocal message can so easily and readily be perverted, then what hope do we really have?

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AMERICAN PASTOR SUGGESTS “FINAL SOLUTION” FOR HOMOSEXUALITY

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No kidding.  A “final solution” like the kind Hitler suggested for Europe’s “Jewish problem.”

You simply won’t believe how evil this man is.  And he isn’t alone. Millions of Americans see no problem with what he proposes.

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Perhaps Bangar was right:  the central tenant of Christianity for these people is “love thy neighbor, but it’s okay to hate them and kill them if they are different from you.”

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SOME PARENTS SHOULDN’T BE PARENTS

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“Pout, baby, pout! Give me all you got! Oh yeah… Yeah! That’s it. Now walk slower. No, slower….”

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At least they didn’t dress her up like a pot of honey.

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HEADLINE – Birth control pills get new labeling

MUNCIE, Indiana –  To address concerns with birth control pills that tests showed were ineffective/, Phizer said on Tuesday that all bottles containing birth control pills will include a sticker stating:

“Warning: may not prevent pregnancy.“

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REAL HEADLINES

Must have been a slow news day.

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THREE STOOGES (a fair and balanced comparison)

Here are three stooges:

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Moe, Curly and Larry.  

Moe is their leader. It is generally agreed-upon by pundits and intellectuals alike that Moe is head stooge and calls the shots for the other stooges.

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Here are three more stooges:

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This is not a balanced group of stooges. They appear to be three Larries.  Maybe a  Curly or two. One may aspire to be Shemp.  But who is their leader? Who calls the shots?  At best – and I do mean best – Santorum is Moe (bossy), Romney is Larry (easily confused) and Gingrich is Curly (a fat goof). At best.

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I just love the word “stooge.”

Stooge.

Ha!