Archive for the Totally Gay Mutual Defense Treaty Organizations Category

HEADLINE – Chicago prepares for NATO summit

Posted in amusant, And now the snorting starts, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, buffo, Cinema, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, Is that really Ellie Goulding?, 재미, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, Movies, News, neşeli, скарлетт йоханссон, Occupy Mordor, Paying Attention, photograph, Photography, Politics, Rage Against the Machine, snaaks, Stupid People, Totally Gay Mutual Defense Treaty Organizations, مصارعه, مضحك, مضحکہ خیز, خنده, خنده دار, سكارليت جوهانسون on May 17, 2012 by paulboylan

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MUNCIE, Indiana –  Chicago police are preparing as best they can for protests against the pending summit of the National Association of Theater Owners (NATO) that begins tomorrow.

“NATO sucks!” shouted Jason Rabinowitz, a protester protesting NATO policy.

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“We don’t understand,” said Raj Hempstead, President of NATO.  ”We know the price of popcorn is ridiculously high, but does it really warrant rock throwing and people lighting themselves on fire in protest?”

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 ”Look, we will lower the price.  We’ll lower the price of all movie theater concessions. Like Milk Duds.  We will lower the price of Milk Duds.  Just please stop yelling,” Hempstead said.

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A Grim Fairy Tale – BOXING DAY

Posted in And now the snorting starts, boxing day, Cowboys and Aliens, Crime and Punishment, космическая девушка, Fashion Forward, fetish, Grim Fairy Tales, Horrible Coincidences, Isnt nature wonderful?, It's not what you think, 스타게이트유니버스, love, Missile Defense, ученые, photograph, Photography, Pop Culture, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, Pycho-Social Trauma, rimshot wav download, Romance Language Knock-Knock Jokes, Rotwang, Scarlett Johansson, Small Town America, Sports, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, The Wrath of Khan, Totally Gay Mutual Defense Treaty Organizations, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, مصارعه, Wilhelm Reich, טילים on December 30, 2011 by paulboylan

Hello, children. I am Brother Grim. Would you like to hear a true story?

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BOXING DAY

Once upon a time there was a young woman named Jennifer. Jennifer lived in a place known far and wide as the City of Angels, which Jennifer liked because she considered herself a Born Again Christian, and living in a city of angels was fine by her.

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Jennifer lived with a man named Robert.  They met in church and were married a year later.  The day after their first Christmas together, she found Robert’s secret briefcase hidden in the apartment bedroom closet.

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The briefcase was large, hard shelled and had a combination lock with three numbers on rotating dials set side by side.  It was very heavy. She shook it gently, but didn’t notice any peculiar movement. She had no idea what was in it.

She tried to open it (of course), but it was locked and she could not open it. That is when she realized the brief case belonged to Robert, because she would have remembered buying something that could lock.  

She put the briefcase back where she found it and walked away.

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But the next day she was in the closet again looking at the secret briefcase. She looked closely and noticed that the numbers on the combination had changed. She didn’t know how she knew, but she knew. She memorized the number combination showing – 0-8-7 – and placed the briefcase back in the closet.

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A week later, she checked and saw that the numbers had changed to 4-2-7. This meant that at least twice in as many weeks, Robert had opened the lock, gone into the briefcase, and jumbled the numbers when he relocked it.  So Jennifer began to check the briefcase every day. Every day she tried to open it, just in case Robert forgot to jumble the numbers to set the lock.

One day the briefcase opened.

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Inside, Jennifer found a pair of musty, sweaty boxing gloves, a stack of magazines and some video cassettes. Tucked into one of the organizer pockets inside the briefcase, Jennifer found a bunch of letters from men addressed to Robert at his office.

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Jennifer read the letters and looked through the magazines. She even watched one of the videos. The magazines and videos showed men – and sometimes women – boxing and wrestling.

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Jennifer learned from the letters that Robert would regularly go to the Olympic Gym near Downtown L.A., rent a boxing ring, and box with strange men—rarely the same man twice.

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The Olympic Auditorium then.

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They’d punch and pound and smack each other and then afterwards they would perform unnatural, sinful acts upon themselves as the other watched.  The letters would end with promises that the writer would inflict great bodily harm upon Robert the next time they met at the gym.

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Naturally Jennifer confronted Robert about her awful discovery. She let him come home to find her sitting on their bed with the briefcase open, reading his letters.

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Robert admitted everything—the boxing and the unspeakable, sinful acts. He admitted that he lied to Jennifer – that when he said he was working on weekends he was really meeting strange men at the Olympic Gym.

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Robert admitted lying about playing rugby as a subterfuge to explain the injuries he sustained boxing.

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That night Jennifer slept at her friend’s house and the next day she moved her things out of the apartment she shared with Robert.  She resolved that her marriage with Robert was over because lying, Jennifer knew, is a sin. 

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The Olympic Auditorium now.

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HEADLINE – Russia Elevates Warning About U.S. Missile Defense Shield Plan

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Barry Goldwater, Battlestar Galactica, Common Enemy, космическая девушка, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, Europe, good guys and bad guys, Headline, Headlines, 스타게이트유니버스, Medvedev, Missile Defense, News, ученые, Paying Attention, Research and Development, Russia, The Great State of Montana!, The Red Skull, Totally Gay Mutual Defense Treaty Organizations, USA! USA! USA!, Why do people in other countries talk funny? on November 23, 2011 by paulboylan

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MOSCOW — Russia will deploy its own missiles if the United States moves forward with its plans for a missile-defense system in Europe, President Dmitri A. Medvedev warned on Wednesday.

“If you set up a system designed to shoot down missiles, we will target our missiles at those bases,” Mr. Medvedev said.

“We realize your system will shoot down our missiles, but that’s all we’ve got,” Medvedev added.

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HEADLINE – Gates rebukes European allies in farewell speech

Posted in Arab Spring, Brave New World, dada, disembodied heads of the rich and famous, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, French Impressionistic Knock-Knock Jokes, German Reformation Knock-Knock Jokes (1520-1553), Headline, Headlines, Humor, News, Politics, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, Rage Against the Machine, Romance Language Knock-Knock Jokes, ruthless dictator knock-knock jokes, Totally Gay Mutual Defense Treaty Organizations, USA! USA! USA!, Why do people in other countries talk funny? on June 10, 2011 by paulboylan

"I hate you most of all," Gates said.

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OSLO – In an unusually stinging speech, made on his valedictory visit to Europe before he retires at the end of the month, Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates rebuked some of America’s staunchest allies Friday, saying the United States “is sick and tired of all you cheese eating, beer swilling, butt pinching surrender monkeys.”

“It’s been real and it’s been fun,” Gates continued, “but it hasn’t been real fun. I personally am not going to miss any of you, especially the Germans. What is up with you Germans, cozying up to the Russians? You think you can trust them? Really?”

Gates heaped insults upon the stunned and mostly silent foreign dignitaries in the room – and he didn’t stop with Europe.

“And you Muslims, especially you Arab Muslims, snap out of it. This whole jihad thing is just sad. Do what you need to do to put a stop to it. Those few homicidal morons are making all of you look bad. And your “Arab Spring” is a joke. You can yell and scream all you want but it isn’t going to change anything. When push comes to shove, your dictatorial governments will crush you like bugs just as Syria has done and is doing.”

“And Africa,” Gates said. “I am so tired of you people.  Why can’t you just get along?”

“Screw you guys, I’m going home,” Gates concluded and abruptly left the building.


Source: http://www.washingtonpost.com/story.html

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HEADLINE – Qaddafi Taunts NATO

Posted in dada, Evil Smiley Face, Hapax Legomenon, Headline, Headlines, Libya, News, Our animal friends, Parody, Paying Attention, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, ruthless dictator knock-knock jokes, Totally Gay Mutual Defense Treaty Organizations, Travel, Why do people in other countries talk funny? on May 15, 2011 by paulboylan

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TRIPOLI – Libyan state television carried brief audio tape remarks it said were by Muammar Qaddafi in which he taunted NATO.

 “What kind of a name is NATO? It sounds totally gay.  NATO is the gayest treaty organization in the world,” said the man on the audio tape, whose voice sounded like Qaddafi’s.

 “NATO?  How about GAY-TO?” he said, adding “Hey, NATO!  I has sex with your mother last night. And your sister. They were terrible. But you would know that, wouldn’t you?”

 Government spokesman Mussa Ibrahim said Qaddafi was unharmed and in Tripoli, leading the country and in good spirits.

Source:   http://www.thefrontierpost.com  

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