OXI

Posted in End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, Europe, Money and Power, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, سكارليت جوهانسون on July 6, 2015 by paulboylan

Disgruntled Republican

The people of Greece resoundingly said “no” (oxi) to the austerity plan proposed by Greece’s creditors.

oxi-graffiti copy

Saying yes would have caused never ending unemployment and poverty.  Greece’s creditors kept lending money to Greece knowing full well and with utter certainty that Greece could never repay the money.  A yes vote on the austerity plan would mean de facto slavery for the Greek people. Forever.

But Greece’s creditors were banking on the Greek people’s fear of what would happen if Greece rejected the austerity plan.  If Greece voted no, the Greek banking system would vanish.  Everyone’s bank accounts would be seized.  And after that?  No food. No light. No heat.

bank of greece copy

Darkness. Chaos. Death in the streets.

But not forever.  A “no” vote means horror in the short term – but the horror will not last.  In time the Greek government would print Drachmas to re-fund the national banks.  Greek trade would pivot away from Europe and towards the Middle East and Russia.

The Greek “no” vote to Greece’s creditors’ austerity plan will very likely cause the end of the Euro Zone.  First Greece.  Next Spain.  Then Italy. Like dominos.  And the result will rock the world.

But I always knew the Greeks would vote “no.”  Long ago I learned a Greek saying.  An old one. I learned it when I was very small. My teachers made me memorize it.  My priest made me repeat it to make sure I got it right.

 And I can hear it in the streets of Athens today:

 

Ελευθερία

ή

Θάνατος

 

 

people of earth

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH PROFESSOR X BOYLAN

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Australia, Early-onset dementia, Fiction, Geopolitical Insults, Hapax Legomenon, Horrible Coincidences, It's not what you think, The Matrix, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, The Wrath of Khan, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, بشار الاسد, سكارليت جوهانسون on June 7, 2015 by paulboylan

CATS FLOATING

 

John Birmingham is a prolific writer who’s most recent three novels – Emergence, Resistance and Ascendance – tell the story of how an oil drilling platform in the Gulf of Mexico drills so deep that it accidentally breaks the “cap stone” separating our world from a demon hoard that once ruled the earth and used people for food.  They plan on reconquering the surface world only to discover that humans aren’t the timid, frightened “cattle” they were thousands of years ago, but have evolved from helpless savages into a global technological civilization with weapons that seem like magic to the invading demons.

 

kill dragon

 

And the demon hoard didn’t count on Dave Hooper, an oil rig worker, becoming the demon-killing champion of Humankind.

 

emergence-e1431534622209-250x250

Dave Hooper carrying Lucille.

 

Professor X. Boylan  is a fictional character depicted in Resistance, the second novel in the series.

 

Resistance

Resistance

 

We were fortunate enough to locate and interview Paul Nicholas Boylan, the real life basis for the fictional character.

PEOPLE OF EARTH: Welcome Mr. Boylan.  Thank you for coming here today.

PAUL NICHOLAS BOYLAN: No problem, Chief.

POE: We here at People of Earth are big fans of John Birmingham’s novels and we feel his most recent  “technology v. magic” Dave Hooper novels are possibly the best Birmingham has written.

PNB:  Yeah, that’s what people are telling me.

POE:  You haven’t read these books yet?

PNB:  I’m waiting for the graphic novel adaptations to come out.

POE:  Why?

PNB:  ‘Cause I like comic books.

 

LostInSpaceAnnuals

POE:  Aren’t you at all curious about Professor X. Boylan, the character you inspired?

PNB:  Let me explain somethin’ here, Chief. It is sort of my policy, if you will, to not read any of the books that have characters based on yours truly.

POE:  Why not?

PNB: I got my reasons.

POE:  Are there other characters based on you?

PNB:  Yeah.  I’m sort of like a “muse” if you know what I mean.

POE:  What other authors have you inspired?

PNB:  Dean Koonz put me in Odd Thomas and that grenade launcher put me in Fifty Shades of Grey.

POE:  Which characters?

PNB:  I’m not sure but I’m told I’m in there.

POE:  I haven’t read either of those books –

PNB:  Me neither.

POE: – but let’s compare Professor X. Boylan to the real you.

PNB: Knock yourself out, Chief.

POE:  To start out with, this is you.

pnb shades
Paul Nicholas Boylan

PNB:  Hey, thanks for not using one of my mug shots.

POE:  And this is what Professor X. Boylan is supposed to look like.

Paul-Giamatti-in-John-Dies-at-the-End
Professor X. Boylan

PNB:  I got no complaints.

POE:  Nellie over at  onebooktwo.wordpress.com reviewed Resistance and said

Professor X Boylan, attorney at law, is an interesting character.  He’s obviously brilliant, but he’s also an attorney, which makes him a wordsmith.  He is very funny without meaning to be funny.

PNB: Funny?

POE:  Oh yes. Hilarious.  Nellie, also at onebooktwo.wordpress.com, wrote “Boylan make great comic relief.”

PNB: What the fuck does that mean?

POE:  It means the character based on you is funny.

PNB: What do you mean I’m funny?

POE: It’s funny, you know. Your character is a funny guy.

PNB: Funny how? I mean, what’s funny about it?

POE: Just, you know, you character is funny.

PNB: Let me understand this, ’cause, ya know maybe it’s me, but I’m funny how? I mean funny like I’m a clown?

 

midnyte-clown

POE:  No, not like a clown –

PNB: I amuse you? I make you laugh? What do you mean funny? How am I funny?

POE: Just… you know, your character –

PNB: No, no, I don’t know.  You said I’m funny. How the fuck am I funny? What the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me. Tell me what’s funny.

Disgruntled Republican

POE:  Nothing. Nothing is funny about you at all, and I apologize for implying anything at all that you find objectionable.  Truth be told, you are actually more similar to Joe Pesci’s character, Tommy, in the movie Goodfellas.

PNB:  Nope. Much as I’d like to, I can’t take credit for that. Nick and Marty came up with that all on their own.

POE:  Well, that’s a fucking relief.

 

people of earth

HEADLINE – 100 TEXAS BRAINS MISSING

Posted in And now the snorting starts on June 4, 2015 by paulboylan

 

texas brains

 

TEXAS CITY, Texas –  At least 100 brains are missing from the University of Texas.

“I don’t know what to say,” said Phil Bremman, President of the University of Texas, Austin. “We got at least 100 brains missing and we don’t know where they’ve gone to.”

“Ordinarily, this sort of thing happens in other parts of Texas,” said Matt Siplem, Honorary Mayor of Austin. “Hell, it happens all the time. Truth be told, most Texans’ brains are missing. It explains a lot,”  Simplem said.

“The American flag flew over a slave nation for over 100 years,” said Marshal Davis, President of the Sons of the Confederacy and a resident of Waco, Texas.  “The Confederate flag flew over a slave nation for four years. By comparison, the American flag is 25 times more a slave flag.”

Marshal Davis 3

Marshal Davis

 

 

 

 

HEADLINE – DEAD DOG FOUND

Posted in And now the snorting starts on November 8, 2014 by paulboylan

 

DEAD DOG

HEADLINE – WOMAN ATTACKS BOYFRIEND WITH BASEBALL BAT

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Crime and Punishment, fairness, Fiat Lux, gülen yüz, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, Is that really Ellie Goulding?, Joseph Bleckman, kluchtig, lächerlich, love, News, neşeli, скарлетт йоханссон, Small Town America, The Great State of Montana!, بشار الاسد with tags , , , , , on November 1, 2014 by paulboylan

Angry Woman

.

Okay, what did he do?

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Reproduction with permission of the Sacramento Valley Mirror, the greatest little newspaper in the world (Tim Crews Editor and Publisher).

HEADLINE – OFFICIALS SEARCH FOR CAUSE OF FATAL HAYRIDE CRASH

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, gülen yüz, Headline, Headlines, Hubris, Is that really Ellie Goulding?, kluchtig, lächerlich, Mysterious Mysteries, News, Paying Attention, Small Town America, Stupid News, Stupid People, The Great State of Montana!, The Wrath of God, The Wrath of Khan, USA! USA! USA!, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, سكارليت جوهانسون with tags , , on October 12, 2014 by paulboylan

Screen Shot 2014-10-12 at 11.38.34 AM copy

 

Hey Officials, here’s a hint:

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stupid people 1

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It appears stupid people are the cause.

 

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HOW DO YOU SAY “UPPITY” IN SPANISH?

Posted in Brave New World, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, Fiat Lux, Getting it Right, Headline, Headlines, I think you are a social parasite but I want you to vote for me anyway, News, Occupy Mordor, Politics, The Great State of Montana!, The Wrath of God, USA! USA! USA! with tags , , , , , , on October 11, 2014 by paulboylan

The Beginning of the End

 

Here is Judge Ramos’ entire opinion.

 

The Beginning of the End

 

Do you think a white person helped her write it?

 

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