People of Earth, we have a new President of the United States, the honeymoon is over, and I miss George Bush.

You may think that the “honeymoon” I speak of is the bipartisan cooperation that traditionally follows a presidential election. During this “honeymoon period,” a newly elected president – either in their first term or re-elected for their second term – can make big changes without much debate. George Washington himself used his “honeymoon period” to support legislation prohibiting discrimination against short people – or, in the parlance of the times “persons of diminutive stature.” Many experts consider this the beginning of what was to become the American Civil Rights Movement.



Other American Presidents failed to take advantage of their honeymoon period to shape our nation through new legislation. For example, Martin Van Buren hosted nude swimming parties in a pond outside of the White House.


Martin Van Buren - party animal.

Martin Van Buren - party animal.


Millard Filmore conducted eldritch surgical experiments involving humans and animals.



Chester A. Arthur required all members of his cabinet to wear masks that looked exactly like him and insisted that, whenever they met, everyone refer to one another only as “Luigi.”



Such presidential frivolities ended when their respective honeymoons were over.

George W. Bush took full advantage of his honeymoon to enact a tax break for rich people, which not only pissed away a $128 billion budget surplus, but also is one of the primary causes for the $3 trillion deficit Bush left us with – as well as the first domino that fell in the chain of events that created what is shaping up to be a world-wide economic depression.


"You want your prosperity back? I got your prosperity right here..."

But the kind of honeymoon that allowed George Washington and George W. Bush to cement their places in history isn’t the “honeymoon” I am talking about. And I am not talking about Obama’s “honeymoon” being over. He didn’t have one. The honeymoon I am talking about is the one between Obama and the American people. All honeymoons end when the mystery vanishes, and there is no mystery about what the Obama administration is going to do.

The next four years are going to be boring – incredibly, mind-numbingly boring.


Modern Americans may pick their president with the hopes that they will lead wisely, but we value our presidents, not for their wisdom, but for their entertainment value. It started with John Kennedy. We picked him because he looked good on television. The drama of his presidency – from the Cuban missile crisis to his horrifically tragic assassination – riveted our attention.



Lyndon Johnson turned out to be entertainingly crazy.




You can’t beat Richard Nixon for entertainment value.



Gerald Ford is remembered more for falling down a lot than for any of his policy achievements.



Jimmy Carter continues to entertain us by simply refusing to go away.



Ronald Reagan, for all his faults and strengths, was fun to listen to and watch.



George Bush Senior endlessly delighted us by not knowing what a supermarket price scanner was and by having horse manure thrown at him in Brazil.



Bill Clinton’s rise and fall reminded us of a Greek drama where the hero is a great leader, brought down by a fatal flaw – i.e., an uncontrollable passion for chubby interns.



Bill Clintons drug of choice.

Bill Clinton's drug of choice.

And America didn’t vote for George Bush as much as we voted against Al Gore because Gore was painfully dull.





After only a few weeks in office, it is abysmally clear that we are not going to be entertained by the Obama administration. We made the mistake of choosing a president who is a good family man and thinks through virtually everything he does or says. There will be no improvisation in the Obama administration.



Which is why I miss George W. Bush. Sure, he was an utter disaster, leaving everything he touched or even considered worse off than it was before it captured his attention. Sure, he made a lot of his rich friends even richer, but the way he did it wrecked the ship we all live on, and – rich or poor – we are all going down as it sinks. As my good for nothing liberal son points out, and I cannot argue against, no single person in the history of the world has left more people around the world worse off for his passing than has George W. Bush.



But I digress. The point is that, for all his faults – or maybe because of them – George W. Bush was incredibly entertaining. Every time he opened his mouth, something amazing might come out.



I especially enjoyed watching and listening to Bush mangle the English language as if he were a developmentally disabled eight year old. For example, he referred to himself as “the decider.” He made up his own words, like “subliminable” and “misunderestimate.” You had to laugh when you heard him say things like “I know how hard it is to put food on your family.”




Well, none of that is going to happen in an Obama administration. He is just going to plod along, thinking things through, making sense, grappling with problems no one can solve – and just being no fun to watch or listen to at all.



Unless I am misunderestimating him.







  1. Bart’s rules of politics: Everything that fronts as wholesome is concealing some kinky, kinky stuff.

    Give it a while.


  2. Just wait….if the White Sox win another World Series, or if the Bears win the Superbowl, he’ll run around the White House in his boxer shorts, and then probably make love to Michelle on the balcony in front of a cheering nation.

    At least, that’s what all of us other Bears fans will be doing.


  3. After four years in office, Obama will have stress-aged enough that he’ll look like the late Redd Foxx. Maybe he’ll pick up the same vocabulary as well.

    Is Jimmy Carter talking to Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano in the one picture you posted? Sure looks like it…


  4. One effect of Obama not being an entertaining village idiot is that the Laugh Per Hour (LPH) index of White House – derived jocularity has fallen. In the Dubya era it peaked at an incredible 55% with an adjusted annual average of 42%. Under the Obama administration this has fallen to a current low of 27.6% and is still dropping. When the Obama LPH rate is then adjusted along current rates of decline the International Federation of Laughonomists has predicted an annual LPH (White House) of 3.2%.
    This alarming trend is now being met by the implementation of LPH stimulus strategies, namely the threefold increase in the numbers of gag writers being employed by the likes of David Letterman. Will this be enough for the world to enjoy future growth of the Global Laughonomy? Lets pray its not too late.


  5. Yes, we have the same problem here in the land of OZ. Our Ruddbot got elected by boring everybody into submission.

    Still, I won’t know on the OBAMA front, because I am boycotting everything american from now on – at least until they can elect a president who sounds like a Hanah Barbera cartoon character.


  6. Yeah, I suspect the guild of Tv late night comdy writers were shovelling what cash they could spare into the GOP election fund becuase they feared the lack of ready made satire.

    I suspect there will still be gags from the President Obama regime, just may have to work a little harder, okay a lot harder, than they had to for the last eight years.


  7. Hughesy, if you listen carefully, Obama sounds a little bit like Space Ghost, if he slowed down his speech a little.


  8. I did hear one line from Obama that showed promise: Asked by a reporter what he would do if he got into office and found that the Government had been lying to the American people about the existence of Aliens, he kept a totally straight face and said that would all depend on what the aliens were like, and whether they were republicans or democrats.


  9. So you are telling us that George Washington, in prohibiting discrimination against short people, was the first anti-apartheid President?
    anti-apartheid – getit?
    I crack me up.


  10. TheWomanYouScorned Says:

    I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.


  11. paulboylan Says:

    Were you ever really gone?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: