HEADLINES – Chinese Fitness Balls Recalled

By RHAPPI KANASTA, Ass. Press Writer – 2 hrs 24 mins ago

BEJING – EB Brands on Thursday voluntarily recalled three million fitness balls made in China after reports that they can pop unexpectedly during use, causing the person using them to fall to the floor, despite the fact that the products specifically say they are burst-resistant.



“Balls work just fine in China,” said, Fuk Hu, EB Brands spokesperson. “This not Chinese problem. This stupid fat American problem,” Hu explained. “Smart fat American say “hey, I no sit on ball, too fat to sit on ball.”



“The only market experiencing these problems is in the United States and parts of Egypt,” said Paul Nicholas Boylan, attorney representing EB Brands. “The world industrial complex should not be required to cater to the grossly overweight American consumer,” said Boylan.



“Maybe stupid, lazy Americans not eat so much McDonalds,” said Fuk Mei, directors of the American Products Division of Asian Stuff, Inc. “You grotesquely obese. No surprise balls burst,” Mei said.

“Ball not broken when leave China. Ball fine,” Hu added.

The recall is expected to cost EB Brands millions of US dollars.

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This one is a bit disturbing.

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17 Responses to “HEADLINES – Chinese Fitness Balls Recalled”

  1. Surely the defense attorney’s name should be Fuk Yu?

    It also brings a nuance to the phrases we see so often in American movies – “bust your balls” or “ball buster”. Now it seems to make sense.

    Like

  2. Thats a great piece, can’t wait for the videos of the balls bursting in slowmo on Utube.

    Like

  3. paulboylan Says:

    Robin – Those oft-spoken American phrases have nothing to do with this latest defective Chinese product issue. Those phrases refer to one person inflicting severe injury to the testicles of their opponent.

    Barnes – I checked. There isn’t any YouTube on this yet. But when there is, I will post it.

    Like

  4. The girl in the photo doesn’t look Chinese, but obviously can’t be American. If I had them, I’d let her sit on my burst-resistant blue balls…

    Like

  5. Barnes – they’re on HuTube.

    Like

  6. Brings a whole new level of meaning to “busting balls” don’t it?

    Like

  7. I came here to make the obvious ‘busting your balls’ joke which, it appears, has occurred to everyone else already. Having been proven redundant I will now leave.

    Like

  8. i worked with a guy that sat on one of those things all day. One day whilst arguing that if it got a hole in it, it would slowly deflate and “it wouldn’t deflate anyway because it is made of really really strong rubber” he tested the theory by pushing a pen against it while sitting on it. laughter ensued. much laughter.

    Like

  9. Aaron Walker Says:

    I think that one thing people should make sure to understand — and it’s not being reported — is that EB Brands actually approached the CPSC to find a way to better inform users of overinflation.

    The term “product recall” is misleading, as no EB Brand balls will be removed from shelves. Below is the official statement from the company regarding the CPSC announcement:

    “Today the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) and EB Brands have issued a joint press release announcing a voluntary product recall regarding fitness balls produced by EB Brands. The purpose of this statement is to share some additional details not provided in the press release.

    Since 2000, EB Brands has received 47 complaints of burst balls out of its 3 million fitness balls sold in the United States. After conducting research on the product, we concluded that bursting balls are likely caused by the consumer overinflating the ball before use. Even with a complaint rate of only 0.0016%, we voluntarily approached the CPSC in late 2008 to seek their advice and guidance.

    The CPSC agreed with our findings and together we worked out a plan to warn consumers about the risk of overinflation and to help consumers inflate fitness balls to the proper size.

    No product will be removed from retail shelves or pulled from the marketplace, as the CPSC did not recommend or require EB Brands or our retail partners to do so.

    To ensure the safety of EB Brands customers, the following actions have been taken:

    *Create and place a new sticker inside the product box and on the pump cautioning consumers about the risk of overinflation
    *Revise inflation instructions included in the product package
    *Make available a measuring tape for consumers to measure the size of inflated fitness balls – available by calling EB Brands or logging onto http://www.ebbrands.com
    *Offer replacement balls or refunds to consumers whose balls have burst
    *Distribute a letter and informational poster to each retailer that has carried EB Brand fitness balls

    EB Brands takes the safety of our consumers seriously. We anticipate that these changes will further ensure the safe and effective use of inflatable fitness balls.”

    Like

  10. Oh those names are priceless.

    Fuk Hu and Fuk Mei…

    Ha!!!

    Like

  11. paulboylan Says:

    Wow! Some internet program named Aaron Walker found me! There must be A LOT of money behind the sale of inflatable exercise balls from China. I am utterly amazed by “Aaron”s response.

    Like

  12. Aaron wrote “Even with a complaint rate of only 0.0016%, we voluntarily approached the CPSC in late 2008 to seek their advice and guidance. ”

    Bwahahahaha …

    Oh, my mistake. I thought he said ‘boobies’. Sorry, I have a toothache.

    Like

  13. Anonymous Says:

    I really enjoyed this post! Thank you for providing me with a really big laugh.

    Like

  14. paulboylan Says:

    You are a polite young man, Anonymous. Thank you for the compliment. I really should warn you, however, that no comment here is really anonymous. This system tracks everything, including location. So feel free to use your real name. You’ve provided it anyway.

    Like

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