HEADLINES – U.N. ANTI-RACISM MEETING REACHES CONSENSUS
By RHAPPI KANASTA, Ass. Press Writer – 2 hrs 24 mins ago
GENEVA — The United Nations anti-racism conference moved from rancor to rapport on Tuesday, overcoming a conference-opening denunciation of Israel by Iran’s president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, to adopt a consensus resolution.
“We all agreed that we hate Jews,” said Abu Salla, Backwardistan Minister for Human Rights.
Most delegates walked out of the conference to protest Ahmadinejad’s call for the nations of the earth to rise up and “utterly destroy those sneaky Jews,” leaving behind a group of dignitaries united in their hatred for Jews in general an Israel in particular.
“Now that all those infidels are gone, we can just be ourselves,” said Abu Hassan, Bigjerkistan Foreign Minister. I mean, homosexuals have gay bars and smokers have smoking lounges. But until now we Jew-haters haven’t had anywhere to just relax with like-minded friends,” Hassan said. “Except small sections of southern Idaho, but who wants to go there? Not me.”
The adoption of the resolution by the committee that coordinates the conference ended months of deadlock over efforts to remove contentious clauses referring to Israel as the “Zionist anal sphincter of the Universe.” The final resolution contains that controversial language, but also calls for an end to intolerance and xenophobia.
“And there’s nothing contradictory or hypocritical about that at all,” comments Shoof al Kalb Khawell”, author of the resolution.