Last Saturday my wife and I ate at Ming Tu’s – a restaurant located at 1158 “L” Street in Downtown Sacramento.  Ming Tu’s serves Asian” inspired” food in a casual setting.

Not affiliated with Ming Tu in any way whatsoever.

Many people have eaten at Ming Tu’s.  Some of them have written reviews that can be found at  For example, Karina of Elk Grove writes:

“I’ve been here twice – with coworkers and with friends.  The food is definitely an Americanized version of Chinese food, but far better than Panda Express. Love their Mongolian beef over brown rice.”

Moo N of Sacramento writes:

“I work a couple of blocks from here so I have had opportunity to eat here often.  Each time I have eaten here, I have been quite happy.  The teriyaki chicken with rice is my fave and I love the fried rice too!  I love rice so if you do too you should definitely partake :-)”

My dining experience was a little different from Katrina’s and Moo’s. My meal was not as good as theirs. So this is going to be a negative restaurant review.

Over the years I’ve written plenty of restaurant reviews, may of them negative, and when I write a negative review I spend a lot of time describing what I ate and how it was served. Then I complain a lot.

I feel this is a special case. The usual descriptions of the food and service and the usual complaining just wouldn’t be enough to properly express how I feel about this dining experience. So I’m not going to describe the food or the service. I’m not going to make fun of the owner’s funny accent. I am not going to mock the handicapped busboy.  Instead, I will simply describe what I did after I left Ming Tu’s.

After I paid the bill and my wife and I left the restaurant, I immediately walked to a nearby church and prayed that God would reach down with His mighty hand and, with a fist of divine fury, smite Ming Tu’s, crushing it down to the bedrock, destroying it utterly.

I know what you are thinking. You think I over reacted.  You are thinking: “Aw, come on, Paul. The meal couldn’t have been so bad that you would call upon the Creator of the Universe to smite those responsible. “

If you are thinking this, you are wrong.  You weren’t there. You didn’t pay good money for really bad Chinese food. It was so bad that I felt, and still feel, within my rights as a God fearing Christian to call upon the power of Almighty God to send down destruction upon Ming Tu’s and punish all those responsible for my mediocre dining experience.

Now you are thinking: “Okay, Paul, let’s assume for the sake of argument that the meal you were served wasn’t very good.  Is that sufficient reason for calling for divine retribution? Isn’t being served a bad meal at a restaurant a trivial reason for calling upon the divine power of God Almighty to smite those who displeased you?”

Not at all.  And if you think that, then you probably are not a Christian.

Or you might be a Socialist.

A Socialist Atheist, that’s what you are, if you think there is anything wrong with me asking God to smite anyone I don’t like or destroy any business that has provided less than acceptable service.

Every day, ordinary people from all walks of life call upon the power of the Lord to avenge them – often for seemingly trivial reasons. My own Aunt reads the Bible every day and goes to church every Sunday – and every single day she prays to Baby Jesus that her neighbor die of a heart attack.

Her neighbor is a liberal who plays that jazz music much too loud. And he voted for Obama. Who is a secret Muslim.

But I digress.  My point is that it is perfectly okay to call upon the power of God to right any wrong, no matter how trivial the wrong may appear. The Bible shows us that God responds in dramatic ways to correct what seem to be trivial wrongs.

For example, in 2 Kings 23-25, the prophet Elisha, who had a bald head, cast a “curse unto God” at a bunch of young boys who were making fun of Elisha’s bald head.  Now, you non-Christian, socialist liberal secret Muslims will say that what those kids did was no big deal.  Well, God didn’t think so.  In response to Elisha’s curse, God sent two female bears to kill forty-two of those boys.

So Elisha called upon the divine power of the Creator of the Universe to punish a bunch of boys who made fun of him. I am calling upon that same power to smite a restaurant that served me a lousy meal.  I honestly don’t see the difference. I fully expect to see a big hole in the ground where Ming Tu’s used to be when I next drive or walk by that place.

I’ll let you know if it happens.


22 Responses to “RESTAURANT REVIEW”

  1. When I eat my tax return, I ask them how they have made ready for my funds to be transferred to the Italian Government. For, as a Christian, I have to render my taxes unto Ceasar, not the US Governement. Cheeky sods.


  2. While you’re at it could you ask your mate, God, if he could do something about the bloke who paces up and down at the 360 bus stop at the corner of Hewlett and Alfred Streets, Bronte at 8.15 every morning. He’s an annoying twat who could do with a good bit of smoting. Thanks Professor, you’re aces.
    One of the funniest menu items I ever saw was at a Chinese restaurant in Edmonston, Canada. (No, not Edmonton, Edmonston. Silly f**king Canucks.). The dish was simply called Moo Goo.


  3. As a Muslim I find nothing wrongful about requesting that God destroy one’s enemies. The problem we face is the propriety of becoming the instrument for that destruction. Islam originated in societies where vigilanteism was needful and it is still needful in modern societies where there is no centralized civil authority and so religious community leaders provide order and do every man is called to enforce God’s law.


  4. Bart – That is the EXACT justification I once used to pay my taxes to Sid Caesar. I felt my tax obligations ended when Sid died. The damned godless “government” disagreed.

    Therbs – I would never order anything that was described only as “moo goo” for the same reasons I will not order any entree called “Unusual Flavor Chicken.” No kidding, I saw that on a menu once. Cracked me up.

    Raool – First, I am delighted to have what seems to be a moderate muslim voice participating here. However, I have to ask you to lighten up a bit. I do this for fun and for the entertainment of any who might pass by or be tricked into reading this stuff because they think it is topical. Your insight into islam’s evolution are actually pretty interesting, but, in all honesty, a bit depressing. I am not asking you to moderate anything you wish to say – I am as much a free speech freak as I am a compulsive humorist. But I do look forward to the time you add to the joke like my good friends Bart and Therbs do above.


    Less sophisticated, with a very local twist.


  6. Ana – I absolutely loved that! I’ve book marked it and will visit.


  7. paul, the problem is that you have chosen to live in a country where church and state is seperated therefore and deity is going to shrug what passes for their shoulders and say “Paul, not my job bro> contact 1600 Penn for that sort of thing. i’m cetrain they can whistle up a predator or reaper UAV to do the job, and BTW whilst we’re on the subject why weren’t you in church the other day?”


  8. So any smiting action yet on Ming Tu?

    Have you considered transferring to one of the more action orientated divine entities.

    Shop around until you find one that WILL smite those who give you bad Chinese. Any way those Chinese don’t have any decent religionist god to smite back. Confucianism, Taoism, Buddhist phpt! Give me a break. Unleash some robust muscular Christianity on them, the sort that encouraged Englishmen to travel he world with a rifle in one hand and a bible in the other.

    Oh and put me down as a Socialist Atheist.


  9. Say Therbs – you reckon God could swing by Bondi Rd. and nail that annoying prick who pushes in front of the women and kiddies at my bus stop? It’s not far after all, just a minor detour.

    Mmmmmm ‘Unusual Flavour Chicken’. Sounds good to me!


  10. Barnes – Instead of putting you down as a Socialist Atheist, when the revolution comes we will put you with the Socialist Atheists.

    Bondi – Now I wish I had tried it.

    Actually, I remember getting drunk with friends back in the 1970’s and laughing at the menu items at Thai restaurants. The “phat dick” seemed especially funny. Being homophobic, none of us ever ordered it. I bet it had an unusual flavor as well.


  11. Oh no. Phat dik comes in many flavours, none of them particularly unusual. Or pleasant.

    PB — as a Christian, let’s suppose for a moment you get tired of God refusing to smite Ming Tu. And in a moment of weakness, you pray to, say… Zeus. (Being a good Greek and all.) And then the next day or so, there’s a thunderstorm and Ming Tu’s gets obliterated by lightning strike.

    What do you do? Do you decide that God just got delayed a while? Or do you figure Zeus took your request on board and made good? And if the latter, do you consider converting? And how do you determine whether it’s a delayed God-strike, or a timely thunderbolt from Zeus? Is there some kind of forensic evidence that would distinguish between the two?

    I’ve never been good at theology. That’s probably why I tend to write fantasy and science fiction…


  12. Dirk if Zeus had been responsible there’d probably b w wiff of ambrosia in the air the the smell of lamb souvlaki. Not that I’m profiling of course cus thats wrong.


  13. Flint – Another entree that got us giggling was the Prik King, although it was actually fairly tasty, prepared with fresh basil and chillies. Even homophobia crumbles when confronted by really good food – which is why excellent gay chefs are the true harbingers of gay acceptance. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard “Yeah, the guy is queer, but he make a kick-ass osso bucco…”

    I choose not to answer your theological questions on the grounds that, A) as an American Christian, it is my God-given right to ignore any idea that I either don’t understand or challenges my prejudices; and 2) thinking about it makes my brain hurt.

    Chaz – You remind me of what I told my wife when she read this blog and got upset at me for, well, for being me. I told her “well, if we had eaten at a GREEK restaurant like I wanted, none of this would have happened!!” I feel that come back reestablished my superiority – the God-given male superiority over woman.


  14. Seriously, You expect too much. Obviously your prayer was answered before you made it. This place is a fine place to get a meal. It was only your food which was smote and thereby setting up a a perfect chain of events leading to the answer to your real prayer — that in some small way you, a mere man, might be feel superior to a woman.


  15. Ana – Yeah. So?


  16. Paul, so you’re sleeping in the spare room at the moment are you?


  17. I am afraid so. As it turns out, being a Holy Prophet is cold comfort.


  18. Yeah. So? So except that you will again eat at that restaurant, prey for your Greek restaurant and be thankful for the glory of being a prophet of ironic mirth.


  19. You cover all those pictures, you stupid twit.


  20. paulboylan Says:

    I do that on purpose, fool. Because I can.


  21. i cant beleive i just wasted 5 minutes reading this post, it mustve been out of sheer idiotic interest that kept me reading.

    Howcome all the bible thumpers assume god should do there work for them? doesnt the bible say “do unto others as you wish done upon yourself” ?? or something of that nature?

    so yeah ill just pray my neighbour dies of a brain anurism because he cuts his lawn every sunday while im trying to watch football.wait that sounds wrong? but you just said calling upon gods powers to “smite” anyone or any business that doesnt provide quality service

    that sure sounds like what being a Christian (or whatever bullshit religion you bow down to like all the other sheep) is all about

    heres a tip, dont eat there dumbass 😉
    and i hope god “smites” you for being a closeminded religious nut.
    and btw maybe if you didnt branch into a thousand different topics from one as simple as a “restaurant review”, you wouldnt get people at your blog who searched “obama muslim doubt”

    another point: do you really think a country as white supremacist as the states would REEEALLY allow not only a black but a black muslim to become president? i fucking doubt it. your obviously living under rocks if you beleive the CIA(not to mention others) didnt find out every single tiny detail about a possible minority president back when obama started running?

    the funny thing is, your obviously white and never had to struggle for anything in your life because if you had, you would have greatly different views on who you would want “smited”.

    And ill end this with a fuck you but a have nice day.


  22. LIghten up, dude. It was a joke. I was clearly and unambiguously making fun of the kind of person who would seriously say that stuff. I hate them, too.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: