HEADLINE – GOV’T IMPOSES 3-HOUR LIMIT ON TARMAC STRANDINGS


.

.

.

.

.

.

.

By Rhappi Kanasta (Ass.Press) – 2 hours ago

WASHINGTON — The Obama administration has ruled that airlines can hold passengers on grounded jets or planes for no more than three hours. After that, the passengers must be set free.

“The three-hour limit and other new regulations are meant to send an unequivocal message to airlines not to hold passengers hostage on stuck planes,” said Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood.  “If airline passengers are imprisoned any longer than three hours on a motionless, cramped, hot, smelly jet or plane, the responsible airline will be fined.”

The announcement was hailed by consumer advocates as “a Christmas miracle.” However, airline industry insiders predict that restricting the practice of forceably holding passengers on planes until the flight clears will result in more canceled flights and more inconvenience for passengers.

In related news, the Obama Administration also announced that rape victims can be sexually assaulted for only three hours, and no more.

“The three-hour limit on rape and sexual assault is meant to send an unequivocal message to rapists not to sexually assault anyone,” said Health and Human Services Commissioner Nick Toumpas.  “If victims are raped for longer than three hours, then the rapist(s) responsible will be fined.”

The announcement was hailed by rape victim advocates as “a Christmas miracle.” However, experienced rapists predict that restricting how long rape can last will result in more rapes and more inconvenience for rape victims.



Advertisements

3 Responses to “HEADLINE – GOV’T IMPOSES 3-HOUR LIMIT ON TARMAC STRANDINGS”

  1. Oh shit, I just broke the Australian Governemnts regulations on spending more than three hours in any given twelve months reading “People of Earth: Attention”.
    Man, I’m screwed.

    Like

  2. Hey Paul, I was just kidding. They really don’t have such a regulation. It didn’t get passed by the Senate. Those Family First guys must really like you.

    Like

  3. Those Family First guys love me. I mean that literally – the adore me with a burning passion that seems a lot like a homosexual fascination but can’t be because those Family First guys are all married, Republican and Christian.

    I do wish they would stop sending me gifts and inviting me to weekends at resorts where, they assure me, the staff is “very discrete.” I wish that stuff would stop.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: