HEADLINE – NIGERIANS WORRY ABOUT IMAGE

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By Rhapee Kanasta (Ass.Press)

LAGOS – The botched Christmas Day bomb attack on a U.S. airliner involving a suspect from Nigeria has prompted concerns that the bomber’s action further harm the already tarnished image of the West African nation.


Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab - ruining it for Nigerians


“Nigerians already have a terrible international reputation,” said Abika Dabiri, Member of the Nigerian House of Representatives. “Before this terrible attempted bombing, there were and still are scam artists claiming to be Nigerian princes sending spam email on the internet,” Dabiri explains.



Dabiri laments that, to the world, it appears that Nigeria is populated by thousands and thousands of princes who have inherited money they cannot obtain without help from others, and this help always involves a small investment.

“Why is my sincerity and honesty being doubted?” asks Abdola Coffani, who claims to be a Nigerian Prince. “I have inherited between 15 and 100 million US Dollars, but I cannot access my inheritance for obscure technical reasons and I need your help to do so.  If you help, I will share my inherited fortune with you. And it will cost you very little, only a few thousand dollars, which you should view as an investment. Will you help?”asks Coffani.



“As a Nigerian, I am truly embarrassed,” Dabiri continues. “You don’t see British or Dutch royalty trying to trick old ladies out of their money.


Doesn't know how to use email.


Recent films have added to Nigeria’s image problem. “Did you see the film District 9?” asks N’Mimba Jones, a Nigerian prince seeking to obtain his inheritance. “District 9 depicts Nigerians as cannibalistic gangsters who practice voodoo. Now, when people find out I am Nigerian, they often ask me to place a curse on someone they dislike.  I cannot do that and I wish they would stop asking. People like that are often unwilling to loan me the few thousand dollars I need to obtain my inheritance – despite the fact that I am willing to share my fortune with them when I get it.”


“So here is the problem from the Nigerian point of view,” says Yaphet Kotto, American film actor and Cameroonian King. “All Nigerians are now presumed to be either impoverished ethically challenged princes, cannibalistic mobster voodoo practitioners or inept suicide bombers.  Makes me glad I am from Cameroon,” Kotto concludes.

Cameroon is a West African country that boarders Nigeria.




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10 Responses to “HEADLINE – NIGERIANS WORRY ABOUT IMAGE”

  1. Rofl. My first thought when I saw the title is that they don’t wanna watch District 9 then.

    Like

  2. Truth be told, District 9 didn’t do very well at the Nigerian box office. But it did GREAT in Cameroon.

    Like

  3. Nigerian Sports Reporter, Stanley Mnamdi Akagbuse also entered the debate and in the process unveiled a national dislike of Cameroon.
    “These Cameroon jokers, always with the laughs at our expense. My father left me USD 419 million but will anyone help me? No! And to top it off those Cameroon witch doctors put a curse on our national soccer team, causing them to be placed in the “Group of Death” in the 2010 World Cup. Pah!”

    Like

  4. Barrister Musa Issah Says:

    Mr Boylan sir,
    As Mr Therbs said, my client, the esteemed Stanyley Mnamdi Akagbuse has recently inherited $US 419 million due to the most unfortunate passing of his late father, the Prince of Nigeria. This sum is in a security holding account and requires your immediate attention with your share being $US 20 million.

    Thanks for your sincere understanding while looking forward to your positive response/co-operation.

    Regards
    Barrister Musa Issah

    Like

  5. Paul I don’t know him, I swear.

    Check out 419eater.com. Search for shivermetimbers, its hilarious.

    Like

  6. I just got an email from a woman on the Cote d’Ivoire who was offering her “companionship” in addition to the as-yet-unreleased millions, and intimating she was a virgin, as well.

    Sure, those Nigerians might be dodgy but surely THIS lovely virgin lass is fair dinkum?

    Like

  7. Haija Mariam Abacha Says:

    Dear Mr Paul

    Do not listen to Morgana. She is lying to you. She says Nigerians are dodgy! We are not dodgy!

    I am Hajia Maryam Abacha, widow of the Late Gen. Sani Abacha former Nigerian Military Head of State who died as a result of cardiac arrest.

    I therefore decided to contact you in confidence so that I can be able to move out the sum of US$35,760,000.00 ( Thirty Five Million Seven hundred and Sixty Thousand U. S. Dollars ) which was secretly defaced and seal in big metal box with squirrels for security reasons in your account.

    Please reply urgently and treat with absolute confidentiality and sincerity.

    Best regards,

    HAJIA Maryam.

    ABACHAc/o Ba

    Like

  8. Therbs – I am trying to access that site even as I type this.

    Morgana – Please trust me: they say they are fair dinkum virgins but they aren’t.

    Hajia – I am sure something can be arranged. Fair dinkum.

    Like

  9. Am definitely Therbs on the topic of 419Eater. ‘Pastor Chris’ is possibly the greatest piece of photographic pwnage on the interweb.

    The only Nigerians I can think of who aren’t scammers or exploding underpants enthusiasts are footballers. But same goes for Cameroon, so at least they have that in common.

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  10. One of the funniest dicussions was between a guy in the US and one of the potential nigerian benefactors (lets not call them scam artists as theat is profiling and it’s wrong)! basically the guy in the US was a gamer and tried to enlist the benefactor into helping agaisnt the great god Cthulhu. I think they exchanged about half a dozen emails before the scammer realised that he was being jerked around!

    Like

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