HEADLINE – Argentina forces dirty war orphans to provide DNA
Ulan Bator – The Argentine legislature has enacted a controversial bill requiring all war orphans residing in Argentina to provide DNA samples – but only if they are “filthy.”
“Just look at those dirty, filthy war orphans,” said Juan Hepilmeyer, Argentine Minister of Public Hygiene. “The Argentine government has finally decided to do something about the problem of dirty war orphans, and the first step is to collect their DNA,” Hepilmeyer said.
“I don’t care what the law says,” said Ricci Polinski, a hygienically-challenged war orphan who wanders the streets of Buenos Aries. “They won’t get of my DNA,” said a defiant Polinski as he picked his nose and wiped his finger on his shirt.
Hepilmeyer said that the new law authorizes the use of the Argentine Army to enforce the new regulations.