A Charming Blogging Experience

I just spent the day – on and off – jumping in and out of a cyber dominance dance that I found very entertaining.

You can find it here. s

The conflict that unfolds is a familiar one:

1)  there is a blog;

2) it has been around for quite some time;

3) there are what I will call “founding members;”

4) there are “new members;”

5) the founding members are accustomed to a certain ebb and flow of conversation that follows more or less specific topics (i.e., “blog traditions”);

6) the new members are unaware of the blog traditions;

7) new member input has caused the mood and style of the blog to drift from the blog traditions towards what looks and feels more like a typical chatroom where multiple independent conversations can and do take place at one time.

Click on the link provided above and watch a founding member thump a new member for the purpose of enforcing blog traditions.

The new member reacted exactly like one would expect: she got upset, fought back, and then abruptly left  – never to return again.

It is sad any time that sort of thing happens, but we’ve all seen this scenario play out over and over again and it is very cliche. It is the equivalent of a child picking up their toys and running home after an altercation at the playground. But the way the blog participants handled it – some ignoring it, some not – including the blog’s host and ultimate authority, is far from cliche.

What do you think?


202 Responses to “A Charming Blogging Experience”

  1. Unfortunately I’ve watched enough ESPN to never, ever hear ‘What do you think?’ without expecting to hear immediately after ‘I’m Tommy Smyth WITH A Y.”

    F**king annoying slaphead comedy Irish dickhead.

    (Him, not you mate. You’re alright.)


  2. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, If I had a set of bagpipes, (or bagpipe, or whatever you call the blasted things) I would put a big blob of the finest reefer inside. I would then have a convenient charcoal or stove lighter inside to set flame to the pile of reefer. I would then have a burly Scotsman or burly geezer of any nationality, since the important part would be the burliness. He would then blow into the input pipe and place suitable customers in lines, so they could approach the reefer belching bagpipes and get a suitable whiff , adequate to fill their lungs, and give a sacramental trajectory towards Nirvana.


  3. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, with my degenerated mind, I forgot to point out that since there are multiple tubes emanating from the “air vessel” part of the bagpipe, that would be where the customers would be getting their whiffs of finest ganjah, and the desired effect would be to induce a metamorphosis in the Rastas , that would re-configure them as “Tabula Rastas” which could be discerned from normal “Rastas” by the apparent separation of mind and body, so desirable when seeking succor upon the Astral Plane.


  4. Refused to take part. See http://greybeardwastaken.blogspot.com/2010/03/blogs-forums-mailing-lists-clubs-and.html for my opinion in detail but basically a “death spiral”. Lobes – the Blog Nazi in this particular game – is an interesting character. Not necessarily likeable but interesting.

    I used to teach quite a few Asperger’s spectrum kids. Often very intelligent, holding very strong & rigid opinions. Often utterly lacking in empathy or social skills so that their responses to frustration could be savage, hurtful and disproportionate – and often quite obscene. They were usually male, often having problems with female authority figures, and quite contemptuous of anyone they saw as below their intellectual level.*

    They were given to me, even before we’d heard of Asperger’s, because I’m male, bloody brilliant, fairly patient, physically strong and not too(?) far up myself. Did I mention sarcastic? Hence you get the “difficult” students that Mr X or Mrs Y refuses to have back in the room. Funny how many went into IT. Like me. Bugger! Anyway, the clashes at Cheeseburger were a bit like being back in the classroom and I’m finished with that. I’m here for fun & relaxation.

    *I am NOT a doctor. These are merely observations based on my own, often painful, experiences over 30 or so years.


  5. I’d back that assessment GB.

    There is some sort of brilliant, evil irony in a blog post about a faff war on another blog being itself faffed upon in truly randomist fashion.


  6. More than ironic. I think it boarders on dada.


  7. yuri_nahl Says:

    The story of this epic campaign must be told. But in truth, this story demands to be told. The spirit, the soul, the power of the will of these incredible men whose crossing of these mountains was a war in itself, demands and wills this to have life in our time, so perhaps men can know the potential of men. This achievement has remained a benchmark for those who aspire to great works for over 2,000 years. To win a war with the mountains, to have a chance to fight a war with the Romans! It is the story of the bringing of an army, including the war elephants, by Hannibal, Carthaginian general, and tactician nonpareil, through the mountains northwest of Italy, the Alps, to make war on the Romans.


  8. NowhereBob Says:

    I wouldnt know.
    I’m not an expert or anything.

    Sorry I did try to hold a straight face.


  9. yuri_nahl Says:

    Clearly, this is but a fragment of the career of Hannibal. As such, this heroic overcoming of this arduous challenge is still illustrative of aspects of the leadership which allowed Hannibal to feel comfortable in the presence of the Gods of War, as his generalship was peerless.

    These achievements are known to us from the writings of the Roman historian Livy (Titus Livius) . Livy learned of this campaign through the “Histories of Polybius”, written fifty years after this particular traversing of the Alps occured. Polybius was a Greek historian (and military advisor) who wrote “an extensive treatise entitled ‘Tactics'” for “he was learned in matters, both political and military”. By method, he was a modern professional historian. As a rule, his accounts were derived from eye witnesses who had lived the events, and from visiting the very locations and battlefields. Most of the chronicles of Polybius are lost.The account of the march through the mountain roads survived, so fortunate are we who wish to have some understanding of one of the greatest generals in history.


  10. yuri_nahl Says:

    This listing of the bona-fides of the authors of the histories, and the provenance of the written accounts is only to give credibility to an event which by its nature , is so astonishing and otherworldly, so unbelievable, but for the eyewitness accounts, it would seem to be a fiction, derived from fantasy. Therefore, presented below are the events which together are known as “The Crossing of the Alps by Hannibal the Carthaginian”

    This occurs during the time called “the time of the beginning of the Second Punic War” (218BC) A remarkable thing about bringing an army through the Alps is the ingenuity one must use when faced with the pervasive and utter horror of abrasive wind, snow drifts, and blinding snow squalls which limit visibility to a few feet. Under such indescribable hardship, when progress becomes at best, a crawl, the logistics of re-supplying the fighting army with food are all important. Conversely,the weapons of war become an anchor, less than worthless. Only more weight for the exhausted troops to drag with them through the abominable conditions.


  11. paulboylan Says:

    Yuri, please go on.

    (Now THAT’S faffing!)


  12. F**king gold medal performance this.


  13. Rofl @ Yuri. Funny shit.

    I’ve had my run ins with Lobes over the years and my assessment is that he tends to take flies out with dynamite. Not going to share, they lay happily buried, but part of what he’s suggesting I’m sorta sympathetic about in a roundabout way.

    I mean, I made this FFS. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GO9Vk28M0cw

    If Birmo lays out an open topic with a semi random comment in the post then you can sorta consider it open slather, but if there’s a point to his topic then it isn’t pulling teeth to stay on topic. Yeah, personalities will be there and are part of the deal but it does give me the shits trying to sort through the chaff if the original topic appeals and there’s 300 odd comments.

    Having said that, just because we’re on the net and no one can actually take a bat to you that doesn’t mean it’s cool to be a FKN arsehole. Which, it appears to me, he was. It’s Birmo’s blog, not ours, he needs to do the reining in.

    Oh, and FK you for writing me off coz I’m a Kiwi. Damn French.


  14. yuri_nahl Says:

    cmrades, humbly bow to all most gerneous remarks. but admit most credit go to excelent personal assistant who makes communist scrawl presentable. am still typing with pencil due to burned hands. y.n.


  15. Lobes i think can’t hack that we’ve changed as a grouping over the years.

    And with his usual lack of diplomacy (that makes me look like a nobel prize winner) he ends of looking a tool no matter if he’s right or not.


  16. Well here’s the thing – JB puts CBG’s address (and Blunty/Geek( at the front of every fkn book he writes, as an open welcome to newcomers to join the community. Flaming hell out of them until they piss off does not strike me as welcoming.


  17. I guess I’ve been around a while, I remember when Lobes was a nice bloke. Some one I’d happily have a beer with (and did). He changed, and though we can comment on it and point it out to him like most people he thinks he is right. He wont change, it is Birmo’s choice as to what to do and last time it generated over two hundred posts, evidence right there he will not change.


  18. My 2c, Lobes is doing what hes always done, and to an extent what we’ve all been encouraged to do by Birmo – look at Blunty, the more outrageous and opinionated the posts and comments, the better received and generally more comment generated, for better or worse,which is kind of the idea.
    Its ok for us all to poke fun and belittle politicians, vegans, bike riders or whoever, so when the sights are turned on one demographic from among our own ranks, why should it be any different?
    In the post in question, Lobes was generalising all the faffers – Abigail chose (incorrectly imo) to take it as a personal attack, responded, and in turn as was to be expected, was convincingly shot down.
    The other thing that irks is some of the comment from those who seem to have no problem with saying far worse and for far less reason to the likes of SJS and others. Some (not all) of her comments have been on-topic gold, yet all too often are written off as trolling by other self appointed threadcops. I remember someone saying she deserved to be raped, someone else saying her throat should be cut etc etc, where were the outcries then? She at least didn’t seem to be fazed by comments far beyond the likes of “you’re boring!”


  19. IMO SJS is bitter and twisted. She HAS contributed some decent shit of late – f**ked if I know where that came from – but has in the past been a total f**king inflammatory troll totally there for nothing other than sabotage. Throat slitting and rape comments are obviously retarded – praying it wasn’t me – but she has been a pain in the arse for FKN YEARS and some of her crap isn’t exactly stuff you’d show your mum. Personally I think she seems to be coming right but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna forget the shit that has come out of her head for the last 5 or so years that I’ve been around it.

    The FKN faffing – that term is starting to give me the shits – thing has been going on since before Xmas – see my video above but I did lay down as it was for comedic purposes and NOT made of venom at the time – and I’m sorry Drej, but he deserves a boot in the balls for this one…

    By Lobes, March 1, 2010 @ 1:00 pm

    I met her in a thread
    while lurking I confess
    she posted dumb comments
    and it struck me as
    boredom in a dress
    F-A-F-A Faffer

    She walked up to me
    and asked me to comment
    I asked her her name
    and in too many words
    she said Faffer
    F-A-F-A Faffer
    la la la la Faffer

    Well I’m not the world’s
    most eloquent guy
    but when I read what she wrote
    it nearly broke my brain
    oh my Faffer
    la la la la Faffer
    Well I’m not dumb
    but I can’t understand
    why she walked like a woman
    and talked like a man
    oh my Faffer
    la la la la Faffer
    la la la la Faffer

    Well we drank champagne
    and commented all night
    under my laptops light
    she picked me up and
    sat me on her knee
    and said “Dear boy
    won’t you come home with me?”

    Girls will be boys
    and boys will be girls
    it’s a mixed up
    muddled up
    shook up world
    especially Faffer
    la la la la Faffer

    With Abigail and and couple of others were in DIRECT view of that one. You know he’s saying she’s a cross dressing bloke right?.

    And this was addressed DIRECTLY at her…

    By Lobes, March 1, 2010 @ 1:27 pm

    Rubbish, what I wrote is tedious and contrived but its nothing compared to the crap that flows out of you like a tsunami up a beach.


  20. The difference between SJS and Abigail is Abigail’s not overtly obnoxious, incoherent, illogical, hypocritical or deliberately troll-like. These are qualities that Jane shows in abundance – even to a neutral observer – and they aren’t endearing, which is why a lot of people will defend Abigail (intolerable faffist though she might be) long after they’ve bellowed at Jane to f**k off and get some perspective, I think.

    I suppose the other consideration is that maybe half the CBG community (at least) know each other on other platforms like Twitter or Facebook, hence there’s a core of allegiances there which cross over into CBG. I believe FB’s where Abigail came from, through being a friend of JB and JB linking his blog there. On that point Paul, I don’t think this is actually a case of a discussion forum mentality hitting up against a chat room mentaility, I think most of the ‘faffists’ have little or no online experience whatsoever (Abigail certainly doesn’t and has said as much) and hence have no idea what appropriate CBG conduct might actually be.


  21. Hmmm I dunno. I’ve found much of the faffing pretty annoying from time to time but it is probably only one factor among several that have caused me to ease off on the CBG front of late. I’ve also had my run-ins with Lobes – most notably the one a year ago in which I learned that sticking up for someone earns you little more than being labelled “threadcop”. He is, in my opinion, an opinionated intellectual bully and a turd. That said, I have been pretty rude* to Jane in the past, but have made a point of trying not to be too harsh lately (unless she really deserves it), as it serves no purpose.

    *Not rude in the throat cutting vein, but pretty rude nonetheless.


  22. PNB, I came here to look at your blog and maybe start reading it a lot more –and a couple of others– because I always laughed at your comments and now that i’m not worrying about cbg…I’m not so sure I’m welcome but I guess I’ll fnd out. Yes, dada fits!

    Finding this thread made me go and have a look at cbg and wow, just wow. what is this bizarre thing about me returing there under another identity? How. Very. Odd. Don’t you think that’s funny? Clearly I’ve still got a lot to learn about net idiosyncracies.

    Anyway– DocY- I saw what you said , and thanks. Same Bangar, here.
    And Nbob if you call in here, sorry I dont know how to contact you but bloody big ups to you.
    The ‘faff’ thing- look, do you know, I actually thought that was the whole idea of the place at first because the day I got there it was on fire with assorted chat from all over the shop. That’s not the sole reason I had that impression but I won’t break a confidence on that score. It’s that simple. I then stopped when I got the idea there was another stream of thought. If you looked back through you’d see I pretty much stay on the topic a fair amount of the time. I engage in sideways conversation there when I’m responding to someone who’s made a funny comment or they’ve said something that is obviously important to them. It is rude not to, in my view.And we’re not robots. I think I pretty well respected the no faff rle which seemd to evolve in my time there. Also, coming from Fb where things veer around, one becomes used to that convention. But to be treated badly for something so *piddling* when one could be a bit more civil…
    drej- sorry I dont think I’ve spoken with you before, I won’t get into the main part of what you said at all, but about sjs!!!!- I’m gobsmacked that anybody would say the things you report, just beyond gobsmacked. AFP matter some would suggest. (but I know nothing of the context so a random thought)


  23. DrY I saw your last post after mine went up. look, you’re right, I am from a different millieu but I’ve never hidden that fact or tried to be anything other than myself. I’m not as much a “faffist” as you perhaps imagine and certainly in my own life I’m pretty quiet.
    But look, I’ve been told -about cbg- Be yourself, it’s a living organism etc etc. it is certainly a weird experience being on a blog compared with fb where everyone is very respectful- well on my page and the kinds of people I have there.


  24. Abigail SJS has mellowed (or our skins are thicker), I don’t condone some of things that have been said to IT but regardless it’s still there. You can’t out troll a troll. Lobes has stated he doesn’t care about the affect he has, that’s a shame as he has actually met some Burgers (myself included) so he has a definite disconnect, as I’ve got a T Shirt too.

    Do what you think will make you happy, I pretty much scan but ignore.

    Apologies PNB but this is the only place have to reply to Abs.


  25. Thanks Bangar (and Moko, same -didn’t see yours before).

    PNB- I wanted to say I just saw your Norwegian thing and I’ll never look at huskies in the same way. That was gold.
    cheers ,Abs


  26. mmm dunno. I just took that bit as him being rather unoriginal and just writing out the actual lyrics in the song its based on.
    But, as this proves I guess, everyone takes stuff differently. Attitude, and life I reckon, is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.
    Sure he could have been more tactful. In fact, tactful at alL.
    But we’re not in the playground, we’re adults, and its a shame that this ïssue”had even raised its head. Its the internet, people, you just can’t take it, trolls and all, seriously.


  27. Drej, when was last time you saw Madoc at the Burger? The Burger can be opinionated but should we be driving away Birmos readers? SJS is obviously a Troll (still hasn’t read the AoT), Lobes isn’t though the phrase “has troll like qualities” does come to mind.

    Murph likens his blog to his parlour in the web, you are visiting their place. What greeting are we giving Birmo’s new readers as it is the place of web contact.


  28. My last btw was a late reply to Moko.
    Abigail, much as I’ve played devils advocate to a degree here, no denying Lobes later comments to you were un necessarily over the top – guess I’m just used to them, and worse – but really hope you don’t let the words of one faceless individual put you off cbg and ruin what I still reckon is one of the more entertaining, though provoking blogs around.


  29. Bangar, has Abigail read AoT? I don’t think so, but don’t think that excludes her or makes her a troll.
    Some might say all this faffing would be enough to drive anyone from anywhere. Everyone has their point where they say, f**k it, i’m leaving. But to make that decision based on ONE persons words, contrary to and in spite of the obvious friendships and cameraderie they’ve experienced with everyone else in said forum just seems to me, an over reaction.


  30. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, you will please not be distracted by minor ripples in ocean constituting world stage. Soon, I Yuri Nahl, will have the world spell bound when I unleash the truth regarding President Obama’s father, Jimi Hendrix, and mother Doris Day. This marriage made in the rascist hell of the late 1960s America so enraged J.Edgar Hoover, that he went over the top, and could be seen wandering around Washington D.C. performing oral sex on his lifetime companion, in public restroom stalls as his only solace. It was at first thought to have been the pairing of Jimi Hendrix and 1969s supermodel Anita Palenburg which spawned the future U.S. president, but no, it was W.A.S.P. Doris Day, icon of American “fairy tale dream” and controlled by filthy C.I.A., manipulated with her heroin addiction. These and many other damning facts were uncovered by peace -loving G.R.U.employees …Mrs.Boondoggle, ex-supermodel, Mr.Boondoggle, ex-male supermodel,and triple-naught spy, who have been working with me, Yuri Nahl to uncover the sinister plot to rule the world. I will let more facts out as soon as the book deal is ensconced in an iron clad contract.


  31. Anonymous Says:

    PNB- Im sorry if I’m hijacking something while you’re zzzing.I dont know all the rules. If you were here perhaps I’d take a different stance.

    But it is because I saw the header refers to something I’ve been directly involved in and I’m responding to drej.

    drej08, Couldn’t agree more that the blog is unique and entertaining.
    I am more a reader of JB’s essays and occasional SMH /other newspaper/mag stuff, plus Leviathan/Felaffel and his BT blogs; haven’t got around to AoT at all but I will one day. JB knows this very well and he knows I respect him. I’ve got a lot of time for him as a person , I think he’s a very decent kind of man and increasingly I was becoming almost as familiar with some of the bloggers there.
    I feel an attachment and its not easy to let go of that, despite intellectual forces inside me telling me stay back.
    I take your point about how much you should allow yourself to be subject to the will of another and ought that take precedence over all else? Probably not. But on the other hand, when you start to feel like you’re going to find random grenades the tendancy is to avoidance -partly because it’s in public. There are some specific reasons connected to my relationship why I don’t want to be involved in such a thing on a public site and somebody in my life is horrified that I bought in because to him it’s utterly devoid of meaning. And it’s not a good thing in the universe I live in, believe me. At the same time he understands how… sorry is that what you call faff? I tend to over- explain and tell the whole story, so that understanding is increased, is that tedious? Not meant to be but probably it is.

    It was under my control to ignore or buy in and I bought in. It was hard for me, ethically and emotionally, to know how else to handle the situation. I didn’t handle it terribly well but I also believe one *must* *must* advocate where “that issue” (I won’t mention it publicly) occurs.

    I don’t know what to do. I want to avoid grenades, I don’t want to avoid simple disagreements.
    Anyway, I’m sick of myself “talking” and I’m going to go read a book.


  32. Drej, SJS makes a point in her posts of not having read Birmo at all (I’ll stand corrected on that as IT’s only referenced AoT) and where some one else would refrain from commenting on that subject when reading is required IT doesn’t and isn’t near the topic (faff)

    I’ll still stick with Murph’s analogy, if you visit a place and get a mouthfull, stick it out and keep copping it, why stay? Doesn’t matter that it’s a guest doing it, it’s happening under their roof. Maybe we need a warning page angry beasts lurk within, restrained by distance, poke by choice or accident it doesn’t matter.

    Look at Havoc, he’s loud, opinionated and you can’t see political correctness from where he stands and yet he doesn’t repeatedly cause problems like this. He’s some one that has a boisterous character that doesn’t involve coming down like a ton of bricks on some one.

    It’s late the bottle is empty until tomorrow night.
    PS at least we’re all still talking.


  33. Bangar, don’t mind me, its 19:20 and I’m still working, so I may be a bit touchy! And that bottle is going to cop it when I get home….
    Abigail, the faffing for want of a better term doesn’t bother me – if i can’t be bothered with it, I won’t read it. Other times, I may even join in. Hope everyone has a good night.
    Paul, thanks for this outlet and feel free to delete my posts. But please don’t delete Yuris – they’re awesome!


  34. Havock’s got a good heart in my experience. He’s a kind, soft person, I guarantee it. I adore the guy. I’d turn him into a star if I could, LOL.

    And Bangar, you have always been bloody decent about things in what has soemtmes been a tough gig. I see your name on a post header and I trust you. That’s all you’ve got in cyber world so you come to value it.

    …Speaking of Hvk though, wasn’t I going to fknread?? bye


  35. oh, same here. delete me if you will but leave Yuri the last one standing, superstar material there.


  36. IMHO it’s all pretty shitty, yes there is a level of faff but JB has encouraged it to a fair degree. But i belives that a couple of people have whinged to JB directly, and I’d guess those persons are old jspacers.

    Have to say I find some of the faff threads hilarious as they are incongrous for the main product of CBG.


  37. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, I am only minor cog in attempt to keep track of Mad-Neo-Cons, escapees. These (criminally insane) inmates, were participants in psycho-active drug experiments at the University Of Chicago Medical Center on behalf of “Prisons for Profit Study Group (ltd)”. There crafty desperadoes convinced the janitor working in their basement dungeon, or I should say ward, to change the “Thumbs Down” pictogram to “Thumbs Up” (as many divergent people with different languages work there and thus…pictograms, not “words”. The brigands only had to offer the janitor some of their mind altering drugs to peddle in the neighborhood. Convinced now that these lunatics were only slightly disturbed, the staff allowed them access to files and archives in the hospital where the future cabinet members of the George W. Bush psychopathocracy manufactured whole artificial backgrounds for themselves including high academic degrees, careers, driver’s licences, security clearances etc. All to be mailed to (!) The University of Chicago, where they were all now teachers, professors, leaders in academia etc.(! ! ! !) (Not patients in the mental ward, testing psychoactive drugs! !) These were people such as Paul Wolfowitz, Richard Pearl, Condi Rice (but with credentials for Stanford, because she liked the scene), etc. After selling their straight jackets, these Napoleons, Admiral Lord Nelsons , Ghengis Khans, etc got their own clubhouse near the college. It was here they planned the takeover of the world.By now they had recruited the likes of Donald (Frankenstein) Rumsfeld, to compliment “Igor” Wolfowitz. They would watch History Channel and see how the Nazi Fuhrer Adolph Hitler achieved his goals. Scooter Libby acquired a few thousand hits of acid and there were vats of drugs similar to the street drug “Angel Dust” which helped the chaps decide on their strategy and tactics. With their mind-set established by the woop-woop of the psychedelic plus the hypnotic drugs, (which made for many a night of revelry in the Chicago club scene) they set forth to conquer the world. This was to be a modern day crusade to enslave the world by reversing the teachings of Noam Chomsky, so that the cabal of sociopaths could acquire fame and status , such as fellow war criminal and star of academia Henry Kissinger enjoyed while wining and dining starlets in the 1960s while simultaneously bombing hell out of Cambodia and south east Asia in general.


  38. Abigail – I delete no one, even Mayhem, especially Yuri.


  39. paulboylan Says:

    Bangar – I posted this with the hope that Abigail would show up to further discuss what happened, and hopefully change her mind about leaving.

    But just for the record: I adore SJS and consider him/her/it a performance artist. Jane’s evolution from vitriolic manifestos to quick pithy comment was delightful. And yes – Abigail please note – despite constant attack much more virulent than anything you experienced, Jane is still there.

    Abigail, my encouragement for you to return has nothing to do with picking sides. There are no sides. I have no problem with what Lobes said. The room culture self corrects. All social structures self correct. That is what the discussion that followed was all about.


  40. I haven’t read AoT and probably never will, having had the thing plot-spoilered to death on CBG. And to be entirely honest I found slogging through WW a chore, it felt like the same gunfight repeated a thousand times. I know that’s blasphemy but it’s honest. Doesn’t change the fact that I absolutely love JB’s satirical and comic writing.


  41. PNB, What you say introgues me and not because you’re referring to *me* when you say you “enocurage my return there..”; it is because I think you probably have some more , what’s the word, esoteric? and very detached thought process going on about such an event.
    Would I be right? What would that be?

    I don’t know much about the way you think, obvioisly, but you seem to default to the “meta” (oooh wouldn’t JB love that term, he’d pounce haha) , but the … deeper perspective, that’s better. (it’s early).
    I saw what you said over at the cb about the group process and I thought you were bang on. But why should “I” (or it might have been somebody else who did this) be encouraged (I know you weren’t talking about it emphatically, btw) ? I mean I don’t care deeply. Part of it for me is examining why I want , well need to be involved in an opne thread blog (apart from liking JB, his work and feeling attached to the commentary)

    Oh and Yuri-Nal has gone to draft another essay- I wonder if he writes on Art History as well? That would be splendid from my pov.


  42. chaz-I agree, I have laughed at that “faff” more times than I can recall.It gets funny. Sure it gets tedious as well but that’s because people everywhere tend to move along ina process from a bit stiff to much freer.

    I think what it does is it helps people to free associate and riff on ideas. There’s room for an ebb and flow of both tones, surely.

    Isn’t it part of what the threads are about (ok, apart from the dedicated FF ones?) As I think said here last night, that was my understanding from the outset; I had no idea there was hostility. Ahh for the days when I was oblivious…


  43. ahh, zing, missed what you wrote DrY and I want to agree straight away. Yes, same. I think he’s one of the funniest writers around (ans hos essays are really my introduction to his body of work).
    It’s him and Bill Bryson for me. He has a gift for satire; he knows exactly how to pitch it.

    PNB- you’re close to Bryson in your style.You and JB make an excellent double act because your styles are so different yet togeher they work.


  44. Abigail – Are you trying to borrow money? If not, then thank you for the very fine compliment.

    You are very politely accusing me of having a personal agenda for encouraging your return. And you are right. I visit there for many reasons, one of which is watching how people interact and watching balances as they take place. That is why I am so enthralled with JB’s “FF” decision. I didn’t anticipate it happening, and surprise is, after all, the spice of life.

    Your inclusion creates a better ferment. That is all there is to it. Your expulsion – because a decision not to return will affect a de facto expulsion – would prompt a less optimal ferment, partly because it will validate the events that resulted in your exit.

    Oh yeah, and I like you, or I like the person you portray.

    So, have I convinced you to return? If you say yes, you will make an old, pedantic Machiavellian very happy. And wouldn’t making me happy make you happy in return?


  45. It’s very f**king juvenile, that’s fo sho.


  46. Moko – First of all, I never properly expressed how incredibly funny your vid was and is. Second, well, I have no additional thought at the moment – other than a lingering upset over your use of my previously fat face in that cartoon you crafted. Made in Greece indeed.


  47. PNB-
    My avatar is very touched by your avatar.
    And not in that creepy way.

    I was thinking of asking you for money but your $currency is not as flash as Japans ,is it? Are there any Nippon readers visiting your extraordinary little blog?
    If not, can you pass cards to your clients who might be off to Tokyo?

    I mean, you don’t *have* to, but I’d love it.

    Honestly though, thanks. I’m very wary of unmoderated blogs after that experience.It’s not just I’m a slightly timid person, it’s that I can’t be involved in the unseemly behaviour of the kind I allowed myself to engage in. Unseemly meaning unkind, treating one another without much mercy- I cannot coexist with that as readily as you can, PNB. The other kind of unseemly- ie, you, Hvk, Mayhem, Medway, Jenn, and that tormentor Damian and the rest- that kind of “unseemly” I can love.


  48. While I would also like to thank the ever-generous PNB for providing a private bar (as it were) for this chat, I’m a little concerned about Comrade Yuri too.

    Comrade, tovarich, mate – may I offer some kind and constructive criticism? The fetid outpourings of your doubtless diseased and twisted communist mind are most entertaining indeed. I do hope your hands heal soon and that you take my advice re the basin of cold water for the ‘resting’ hand. The problem is (and I suffer from this myself) the sheer *volume* of your effusions (verbal rather than glandular). What you need is an editor to tighten things up and give your work some polish. Nahl polish so to to speak.

    I know that people have been using you and p!ssing on you for years but here we like you. I like you – in a rough, manly way of course, and not in a Conservative politician sort of way. I just wish you’d change your cologne. The current one smells like a public toilet.


  49. And Moko – God that was good! ROFLMAO.


  50. Greybeard, about Yuri, Gold.

    Ah dear Yuri, it’s a comfort having you around after….nevermind…


  51. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, I seem to gave missed something. Will subject comment stream to thorough analysis similar to analysis given to stream of yellow liquid used in favorite perfume, Canal Number 5.


  52. Paul, I raised you for something better than this. Honestly, faffing about like this for days on end.

    You’ve had a bit of fun pattering about with your virtual friends, now what can you accomplish in real life in the next few minutes?

    And yes, you did a great job of stimulating a very lively thread. Nice job.


  53. paulboylan Says:

    Thanks, mom. All I ever wanted was for you to be proud of me. That and money. Well, to be honest, if I had to choose between you pride in me and money I very likely would choose money. Can’t buy expensive meals and spend lavishly in casinos and strip clubs with pride.


  54. PNB- I went back. It was a case of faith restored in human nature -some human natures anyway. I’m pretty goddamn wary and we’ll see how it goes.
    And matt K said can’t we all just get along and it made think there’s a lot of people you affect with your own actions….

    I just won’t tolerate any bullying -thankfully most people there donm’t behave like that .And there is a vast difference between being figuratively shoved and having a heated disagreement (sans the shoving) I know the difference very well. anyway, cheers


  55. I know you don’t need my approval, but i am quite proud of you.

    Watch the faffing in the Faff Free zones, and say whatever you like in those threads that do not sport the FF mark. It will be fun: you just watch.


  56. Yep, I won’t go off the topic in the FF zones- as I said, I was confused about that one; where the line is.

    (I could tell you what I was told on that score and & by whom and how that gave me a certain perception of the threads-but this is a public site so I can’t).

    Now for a Bully Free Designation- that’d be novel. (not that 99% of peeps there bully)

    And thanks again, I wouldn’t have done so if I hadn’t chanced upon your blog topic and thought about what you said. Simple human decency works.


  57. and btw- this blog of yours (sans my ramblings on this topic) cold and should be made into a show of some kind- they are making one form a very funny colection on Twitter called Shit My Dad Says , which is a guy collecting together all the stuff his hilarious father says.

    Your humor is that good. Tha’s the wonderful thing about the net- at long last grass roots talent is getting heard (no suck uppage ; it’s the truth)


  58. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, I had a dream in which I realized since I may drop off the twig at any time , I wish to express thanks and let you know how I feel honored to have met some of you who have interacted with me. That is probably my bad Communist choice of words but it is meant to show affectionate respect and endearment. Next time I write ,I will have reverted into normal disguise as spy and fashion consultant. Yours, Yuri.


  59. paulboylan Says:

    Another very high compliment, Abigail. However, believe it or not, I am not interested in more notoriety than I have achieve here and in Birmingham’s blogs.

    Yuri – Whatever your disguise, you are more than welcomed here.


  60. You’re welcome. And when you make that bundle I can imagine how proud I’ll be setting in that expensive restaurant with my fine son.
    And imagine how much you will be giving back! Try not to give too much back in the casinos though, it can be habit forming. But, you know those Indian casinos really do give a lot back to their communities.
    And then supporting all those lovely college students. Can’t wait to hear about it. I’m sure ‘proud’ wouldn’t quite express how I’d feel going with you there; but don’t let that stop you,all for a good cause, right?


  61. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, I have traveled all over the country looking for a correct smelling bog, like the one at the Odeon in Hove. Just the right mix of piss, used beer, and whatever substance, probably left over from sodomy, that created such an endearing bouquet. There is a crapper on the Great Highway in San Francisco which is up to snuff. It’s right west of that coffee-expensive sandwicch emporium and takes me back to the days of my childhood, being beaten by the headmaster and thinking I had been transported through space and time, to play a part in some miserable Charles Dickins novel, or been the object of Engel’s scrutiny, which inspired him to play a part in creation of the Communist Manifesto.


  62. Congratulations Yuri. Your grasp of English (as in British) idiom is improving by leaps and bounds. And the odour you describe so eloquently sounds anything but “bog-standard” as we say Down Under. We also have a complimentary saying, “There are no flies on him” though it is unlikely to be applied to you anytime soon. Looking forward to your future crimes against blogmanity, Greybeard.


  63. I came for the Faff War analysis, I enjoyed sarcasm, I stayed for the Yuri.


  64. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, found recently in (former) peace loving Soviet Union GRU (military intelligence ) archive, A Joseph Goebbels poem about the Fuhrer. This special privilege, was allowed by Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, only because one of my uncles had served with Comrade Putin’s father at Battle of Nevsky Bridgehead in October 1941. Putin was marine and badly wounded in military disaster, and grandpa saved him. So here is, (courtesyof peace loving Russian Federation) Goebbels poem regarding the Fuhrer….

    Fuhrer Poem by Goebbels

    As a consequence of the Fuhrer’s bladder sphincter always getting weaker,

    The pond of urine in his riding boots was continually getting deeper.

    The Fuhrer had a fountain installed, that would gurgle and splash and bubble,

    To conceal the fact that he always sounded like,

    He was walking through a fairly deep puddle…..

    The Fuhrer had the cobbler put holes in his boots,

    With which he could discretely pour,

    The urine into some special funnel shaped holes,

    Which the workmen had drilled through the floor…..

    Those Nazis who were working in the basement knew

    That, approximately every half-hour,

    They’d have to spring open their umbrellas,

    As protection from a golden shower……

    Because the Fuhrer was very superstitious,

    Often his astrologers would meet,

    To attempt to understand the significance ,

    Of the Fuhrer’s damp and yellow feet…….

    After drinking a pot of tea,

    The Fuhrer would dribble a drop of pee,

    And would then feel so ashamed,

    He would scold his faithful Alsatian dog,

    Poor Blondi would have to take the blame!…..

    The End


  65. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, These things we know to be true: It is possible for a man to be a God, while still having the appearance of a man. We know this from the writing of Claudius, in which he describes the occurrence (while unexplainable) in which the Emperor Caligula did indeed become a God (Zeus) while retaining the appearance of his previous mortal self (Caligula). Likewise the realm of the “Unexplainable” includes things which are documented by witnesses. In the 12th cave around Qumran Wadi, there were gospels found which were later deleted from the cannon of the Christian church. These were, The Gospel regarding “the Donkey with the Hat With the Holes Cut in it So His Ears Could Stick Through” and more important,…. Near the Holy City of Jerusalem, was Beit Gorvin, a Roman Amphitheater. It was said to have been built in the Second Century, but archaeological digs have found that it was built on the ruins of a previous arena which the contemporary historian Josephus Flatus alludes to. This is called the Roman Period. In any case, the gospel tells the parable of Mary Madeline’s visit to the arena. “The Lord hath said to Mary, ‘Mary whilst Thou go to the “Jesus’ Own Loaves and Fishes Snack Bar” and pick up those goats eyeballs and take them down to the amphitheater. We have to get rid of them before they go bad, anyway they make me think someone is always staring at me.’ Whereupon Mary did manage to sell the goat’s eyeballs”. ( This was the Word.) From this, we are led to inescapable conclusion that “it is possible to be a Communist (Jesus) and a Capitalist (selling for profit) at the same time.” The “Gospel of the donkey buried up to his knees in sand” was also sealed in the same ceramic vessel,but due to time constraints I will have to relate that another time. Although these were Gnostic Gospels.


  66. mmm, Yuri, a bed wetter as a child then? Don’t worry you’re among friends.


  67. Yuri, I am concerned that some of your sources may be unreliable. These so-called gospels were not deleted (or indeed fired) from the New Testament cannon without reason. Josephus Flatus was said by his contemporaries to “talk through his arse” and changed sides more often than the Italian army. As for Mary Madeline (or Madeleine), she was neither the “woman taken in sin” nor the biblical Magdalene. She was merely a baker of small sweets who tried to get on the “Jesus bandwagon”. Also the “Gospel of the donkey buried up to his knees in sand” has been shown to be an early, unfinished work, superseded by the complete “Gospel of the donkey buried up to his Ass”. The Gnostics (n. An. Greek: Those who cannot pronounce the letter G) have led many a scholar astray, not to mention those like yourself who are more difficult to classify. Yrs in scholarship, the Very Reverend Canon Greybeard (chaplain to the Little Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence)


  68. Greybeard- you’re clever! You’d make a wonderful troll.

    I mean that as high praise. I have thought a lot about Paul’s view of trolls as performance artists. Some I’d pay to see on our streets , others, less so perhaps , but I’d pay to see you in a rap/ hip hop hybrid troll -off.


  69. Aha! I know who Yuri is now – One too many familiar phrases 🙂


  70. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrade, you must please observe this vulgar Capitalist propaganda and help me to devise a way to keep it from corrupting un-soiled youth of peace loving Russian Federation. Since you are teacher, you may be able to advise. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c70538Wg8ww


  71. Dammit, I was hoping to guess first! I haven’t got a clue. Any hints? A Burger? (Please, please, please – not Nowhere Bob, anyone but that).


  72. ah, if it’s a burger, I think know.


  73. Eeeuugh Yuri. No further comment on THAT one. And you certainly aren’t Nowhere Bob, my most honorable Nemesis.


  74. paulboylan Says:

    Do NOT blow Yuri’s cover by publicly naming him. But do write to me and tell me who he or she is. I must know.



  75. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, my identity is an ironclad secret . So do not worry, all things are deniable.


  76. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, this “news” is example of decadent American da-da life, symptomatic of “road to Hell” …..In Wisconsin, honor was given to Richard Smegma, an emigree who came from eastern Europo in the early 1930s. He was called “Dick Smegma,” in order to seem more informal like the Americans. He opened up a cheeze factory , and helped employ many of the town folk. Some of the old timers said..”if it wasn’t for old Dick Smegma, there wouldn’t be a town here!” Other coneseurs of soft cheese announced…” compared to Brie, or Philadelphia Cream cheese, because of the bouquet, I prefer the Smegma!”

    I rest my case Comrades.


  77. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, there is a growing body of evidence that specter of insane Anti-Christ organization lurks somewhere nearby. Here is part of growing heap of documents….There will also be in the Vatican gift shop, some candle covers with holes for the wick to stick through. These candle covers are like caps which go over the burning end of the candle. Shaped like the apostles, they will exhibit the effect of the flame of the Holy Spirit coming from the heads of the faithful. They are designed to be used in depictions of the Last Supper. Almost nobody knows this but in the Gospel of Judas, (left out of the New Testament after the third century AD) Judas says…” the apostles sitting on the floor were warming fondue pots with the flame emanating from their heads” Comrades, this is the Heresy which could cause the world to split asunder with the new schism, as this is obviously work of the Fiend of Hell.


  78. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, crates of this stuff have been found……….According to the journal of Pope Leo the tenth (the Pope of Joy) the monk hairdo with the bald patch and fringe, was not really caused by the Holy Ghost coming upon the faithful. It was due to an attempt to raise funds for the church by allowing the nuns to make little furry animals for sale at Christmas time in the Vatican Gift Shop, out of the hair from the bald patch so as to hold down costs. This historical fact was uncovered by Pope John Paul II, (also known as “Johnny Cash” for his fund raising ability) and suggested that because of the demand for hair for hair transplants, monks could give up the hair within the bald patch, and have a really bald hunk of scalp sewn in by a plastic surgeon……………..Comrades, this is insanity.


  79. Yuri, where you’re going you won’t need a flame under the fondue pot. According to reports, the temperature there should melt the cheese right out of you. Interesting – the last time I recall fondues being in vogue was the seventies. Also interesting – the Judas Gospel is thought to have been the creation of Sethian Gnostics. Gnosticism again eh Yuri? I suppose a spy would naturally gravitate to those who claimed “secret knowledge”.


  80. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades,…… Joseph Conrad wrote “If you want to know the age of the earth, look upon the sea in a storm. But what storm can fully reveal the heart of a man?” Between Suez and the China Sea are many nameless men who prefer to live and die unknown….Among the great gallery of rogues and heroes thrown up on the beaches and ports ,most were found kneeling in front of some cabin boy saying some kind of new prayer. Or seen trying on a girdle or bra in a nice little shop on the ring road in Hong Kong. The sailor code then relegated them to the backstreets of Asian towns where they got jobs as Geishas and entertained their former shipmates. This is what happened to me, and I only came back to the west after going native and adopting a stylish form of fashion where I used a long cigarette holder to accent my otherworldliness along with my satin bathrobe…..Comrades, how this fits into the big picture is beyond me.


  81. “The cabin boy’s name was Flipper, a filthy little nipper. We” . . . won’t go any further. But I fear that I have caught you out Yuri. A true sailor would have been kneeling *behind* the cabin boy. Therefore I do not believe that you were ever a sailor, and clearly you have not been to Singapore.


  82. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrade Dear Old Chap, I have been confused at the late time because of extraordinary volume of new files to peruse. As I grow more ancient, time passes and I am hurrying to put all information into appropriate files, for use by fellow travelers in voyage to “land of knowledge”. (I make joke!)… Always in time of spiritual fear, I am bolstered by Gospel of Saviour (deleted) “I say unto thee, had the dwellers of Judea invented gunpowder, I could have had a more spectacular ascension right from my place of crucifixion. With a rocket on each end of the cross I could have risen straight up to the Heavenly Father. Although, if one did not ignite correctly, I would have looked like a damn fool whirling around like a pinwheel, Crown of thorns flying off impaling one of the Apostles, loin cloth asunder. Amen” …….Comrades, I suspect this is an example of why some of these Gospels were deleted.


  83. Yuri, I would never divulge -that’d spoli the fun- and I can’t be certain anyway. Just imagine that this is the cone of silence except that it is a cone of silence which actually works.


  84. mmm cones…


  85. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrade Abigale, the “cone of silence” was the object the “Butt plug bomber” claimed he had in his rectum, my dear, when said object refused to detonate. “It was an anti- flatulence device” he claimed, providing an obviously forged “prescription” for the feces encrusted contraption. He continued “Old age pentioners wake from a sound sleep, mumbling about ‘the Somme’ if I broke wind within their vicinity.” (a colleague of mine at MI6 revealed this to me.)


  86. You are crazy people.


  87. Well, I seem to have arrived late at this party.

    I did choose to engage in this particular conversation, but in future my strategy will be to step out and not feed the pitt bull.

    I think this one gets some sort of sick satisfaction from bullying, and he feeds off the distress that it causes his target and the divisions that it creates within the group.

    I have observed him targeting newbies, especially if they’re women, and I’ve seen several of them back off, in some cases not to return.

    There’s been a lot of discussion about bullying and cyberbullying in the Australian media lately, including some notable cases where the target has committed suicide, and one recent incident where it’s conjectured that a young victim retaliated and killed his tormentor.

    Somewhere out there I came across a petition to the government to create some laws so that bullies can be charged and held accountable.
    Given the problem of bullying in schools and in the workplace, and the level of public concern over it, I’d say we’ll see some changes to the law, soon.

    My advice to anyone dealing with a cyberbully would be to research websites and look at strategies to deal with it – the big one being DO NOT ENGAGE, – do not respond, do not acknowledge their existence, and do not be suckered into any interaction with them even if they do seem like they’re trying to bury the hatchet or be reasonable.
    Odds are good that its a ruse, to sucker you back in.
    The cycle will start again, and you’ll be confused by how insidious it is.
    Ignore, ignore, ignore.
    Eventually the bully will move on to another target because you aren’t providing him with the drama and the conflict that he craves.

    The other big of good advice out there seems to be – build your support network. i.e. you may wish to start your own blog. If others can access you, then you have a core group of friends to buffer you from the effects of the bullying.

    With a blog, be it your own or someone else’s, its possible to record and file every incident where the bully has attempted to intimidate you, and if its happening consistently on one particular blog, I’d give it a three month period before I’d approach the administrator of the blog and ask them to sign off on it.
    You’ve then documented the problem, can prove that its consistent and its personal, and you can review your options.

    I think it pays to remember that since some of the bullying has been carried on around the clock, its obviously been happening on an employer’s time.
    I’d say odds are good that they will get wind of it and there will be consequences for that individual.

    A resource that I often direct victims of bullying and psychological abuse to is ‘The Emotionally Abused Woman’ by Beverly Engel. There’s another one, about abusive men, that I can’t find just now but will post later.


  88. ‘Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men’ by Lundy Bankroft

    I haven’t read this book yet, but friends whose opinion I respect tell me that its a very useful resource.


  89. http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/cybercrime-cases-ignored-by-untrained-police-20100306-ppth.html

    Article in The Age about cyberbullying, which points out that while the Victorian police don’t seem to be on top of it at this stage, there is a 3 year penalty in Australia for using the internet to menace, harass etc.


  90. Quoks,I’m so glad you dropped in to this discussion (which is on its last legs now) because I have no other means of contacting you.

    You’re one of the most caring of people and you make CBG a better place by being there.

    And yes,what you said is true. I just need to be be very careful , I think, of saying anything directly on an open forum (damn yu Q, why won’t you get FB lol) – despite that everyone here at Boylan’s is to be trusted about this topic; everyone has been open and honest and the views are all fair ones.

    You know that old experiment form the 50s where students were told to ask questions of o students on the other side of a screen?. If they gave the wrong answer they were instructed to deliver a slight zap. Then as the game went on they were told to make the electric shocks stronger and stronger. You’d be surprised how many people were prepared to keep zapping until the Alpha male told them to stop. A few walked out, but most stayed… I saw that process unfold at CBG after what I raised over an abuse I wasn’t going to tolerate. That’s just human nature–some people have strong moral autonomy others are weaker.

    I’ve taken on what all have said here. I think it’s an excellent idea that John’s chosen to designate some threads faff free zones to avoid the free for all we ascend to (or sometimes descend into).


  91. paulboylan Says:

    Abigail – The electric shock experiment you describe was one of many conducted by Stanley Milgram, one of my heroes, documenting our inherent ability to inflict pain, especially when the process is dehumanized and anonymous. But you combine Dr. Milgram’s work with another study known as the Stanford Prison Experiment, conducted by Professor Philip Zimbardo, another one of my heroes, where students acted out the parts of prisoners and guards, the results of which mirror what happened at Abu Ghraib Prison in Iraq. Both Milgram and Zimbardo studied how people behave in groups and how environment and conditions can affect behavior.

    The confrontation between you and Lobes and its resolution does not relate in any way to Milgram or Zimbardo’s work. If anything, what happened at CBG is antithetical to those studies. In our case, the group worked to sooth pain and resolve conflict so as to include and not exclude.

    I really don’t mean to put myself out as any kind of authority, but I put significant effort into helping craft a global resolution that balanced many interests and concerns, and I want to avoid wasting those efforts. So I must disagree with my right honorable friend, Quokka, and advise you that direct conflict isn’t part of the solution. It would only allow the problem to happen again.

    I am not advising you to stand still and allow abuse. I am asking you not to see it as abuse and view it, instead, as a pesky annoyance.

    If you truly want to prevent what happened from happening again, the worst thing you can do is react to the behavior you disapprove of. Getting angry rewards those responsible, guarantying more and worse. The very best tact is to ignore it or, if a response is necessary, make it something short , sarcastic, and then ignore the rest.

    Trust me: this will work wonders. Trust me: fighting fire with fire will burn you and those around you.


  92. Anonymous Says:

    Quokka, take my advice and run. Run before it’s too late and don’t look back. Yuri is the Emperor of Faff/Lunacy/Bad Taste and, I mean this quite sincerely, his poetry is WORSE THAN THAT OF THE VOGONS. Never, ever read his poetry. He is sick, twisted, depraved, perverted, cunning, devious, imaginative and sometimes amusing. It horrifies me to think that he could be someone we know under another name.


  93. Sorry, that wasn’t supposed to be Anonymous – slip of the mouse.


  94. Paul, you’re right. I have no intention of engaging any further with that pesky annoyance-I’m far enough away from it now to *treat* it as such (even if I don’t *feel* it as such)- and it as and for the reason you stated.
    Ignore ignore…etc……

    And I was only referring to the escalation between myself and him- your own part was admirable, I hope you know that, and as I said abovea few days ago, my faith in a group’s ability to mend was certainly restored afterwards.

    But if I hadn’t come here I never would have found Yuri- a well kept secret on your blog for a while I expect.


  95. Oh and Greybeard-I was just thinking , now there is ‘anonymous’ to give shelter to; I haven’t the hours in the day to keep up.

    And Yuri-Nahl at 1: 07- that’s so funny! I think you’re the most charming Russian I’ve yet encountered on the net. The only, but I already know, the most charming. All further attention from mad dogs (but not englishmen ;I have a vested interest) is averted forthwith and given to the rightful benefactor of one’s attentions, the Right Honorable Member for , somewhere. wherever you are ,Yuri-Nahl. And all who sail within you.


  96. Do you see Quokka? Poor Abigail has fallen under his evil spell. Incidentally, A, I’m too curious to wait and I can’t pick any familiar phrases. If you “out” him/her (but I think him) privately I’ll never tell a soul but I must know. Please? Pretty please? I only want to hunt him down and . . . er, congratulate him. Slowly.


  97. GB- I’m afraid my hunch was most probably incorrect. I have no idea who he could be but I think he is destined to remain ‘Our Man in Russia’

    More fun when we don’t know anyway -though sweet torture. I’m sorry GB.


  98. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, Abigail and Greybeard, first, Comrade Abigail many thanks for gracious compliments, you are too kind. Comrade Greybeard, I can tell you that I appreciate your clever advice on not yammering on too much. But I must admit I am spying in the Midwest Desert of the U.S. at the moment, not continent of Australasia. There are a number of nuclear labs and many fine universities in Illinois, world famous University of Illinois, home college of inventor of “integrated circuit”(!), even movie director Ang Lee. University of Chicago where Americans first achieved nuclear fission, Northwestern University, so there are many spots which are ripe for picking as they say. In fact , anyone can walk right into Fermi Lab! With a camera! Actually it is “embarrassment of riches” (although this could be ‘oxymoron’ to Capitalist vampires) I make joke! So after I am done here, I shall drive to beautiful Palo Alto California and mine what I can from the Stanford University Linear Accelerator Lab. There’s new hotel there, just for scientists.! (and spies!) Then right up to Lawrence Livermore.(weapons development) (easily crackable computer networks) Wheew! It makes my Communist head spin. Hang out with juvenile delinquents to learn latest computer hacking code and I will be many a ruble, (in gold bullion) richer! I only wish I were in Bay Area now as famous Sherry Wine is performing in San Francisco tomorrow. She is adorable. Here is link http://www.sherryvine.com/sherry-in-san-fran/ for Comrades on west coast. Many unemployed computer experts are also in South Bay. Lots of empty software and computer support industry companies closed after dot com bubble. Many more people to recruit for devious plots. Lockheed-Martin, right next to bird watching spot on Baylands garbage dump. This is like heaven for spy! This reminds me of when I was lad, and father was employed at Soviet Consulate on Green Street in San Francisco. Wonderful view of the bay, perfect spot to observe ship traffic, including U.S. Navy vessels in and out of bay. (even now, when aircraft carrier and fleet of support vessels, including submarine enters San Francisco Bay, many a photo opportunity occurs!) Consulate is right next to Presidio Army Base, perfect spot for inducing lonely soldiers into “honey trap” blackmail schemes, but that is in past. At that time I was not called Yuri Nahl, was called “Chamber Pot” as I was diminutive. I make joke . At that time, swine Capitalist would bring Afghan dog to urinate on Soviet Consulate as payback for peace loving forces of Red Army being in Afghanistan. Now I Yuri Nahl own Afghan dog for urinating on every American government building or asset I come upon, even if it is drunken diplomat. (then take photos for future use) Now this is best part! I use technique called “hiding under cover of broad daylight” where as a charming fellow, I insinuate myself with various embassies’ personell in swanky Pacific Heights neighborhood. Then using guile, end up accompanying unescorted ladies to diplomatic functions where feeding frenzy begins! I may have mentioned this before , but it is so enjoyable I can’t resist! Especially at British soiree, because of funny British sense of humor, people say “Yuri, what is your line of work?” I say “I am Russian spy.” everyone laughs, I laugh! So then, I can get away with anything. I must now go and try to remember what story I was actually going to tell you.


  99. One of your best Yuri. I applaud turning of entrepreneurial thinking of Capitalists against hated western system. This is reminding me of glorious Red Army training of bomb dogs in Great Patriotic War. Dogs trained to find food under tanks. Then in great battle of Kursk, hungry dogs have bombs strapped to backs and released facing German tanks. But German tanks did not smell right, only Soviet tanks, so dogs are running back to explode under own T-34’s. Panicking brave Soviet troops had to resort to shooting exploding dogs before own tanks blown to non-existent Soviet hell. Famous ancestor General Count Ludwig Von Greybeard is laughing himself so hard he is falling from Panzer and losing leg to crushing tracks of T-34. As children we ask “which one” – meaning leg, as he had excellent wooden one crafted in Switzerland – and he reply “How would I know, all fkn T-34’s look alike!” Is joke, yes? Also General Guderian calls Ludwig on radio and says “what should I do now?” Ludwig replies “Don’t ask me, I’m stumped”. (Is referring to remaining stump of leg. Very funny in original German).


  100. Um, is insanity infectious? I think I’ll have a nice lie down.


  101. Abigail – I delete no one, even Mayhem, especially Yuri.

    Thanks Paul. I’ll be back later maybe to add my 2 cents, and see if I get deleted lol!


  102. Mayhem, welcome back. Nice to see you back around the place. That Paul and his whacky funster humor. He’s so dry they base martinis on his blog writings.

    PNB, I was just looking at your page about voting for a new avatar when I found this award winning sentence from Yuri-Nahl

    “The tape self destructed and set fire to polyester suit which melted onto genitals”.
    Why have you kep t this mana secret? actually, he needs ot be a cult hero and he can’t be that if he goes mainstream (or another word instead of mainstream for yuri nal)


  103. Abigail, I’m sorry to say that the self-destructing tape story was merely a cover – as one would expect from a spy of Yuri’s, er, unique tastes. The true reason for his burned hands and genitalia can be found at https://paulboylan.wordpress.com/2010/01/28/website-of-the-week-hot-chicks-with-douchebags/ Feb 21st, 3:57AM. Do NOT read this unless you have nerves of steel. I suspect that Yuri is what one of my lecturers called “Polymorphously Perverse”. Or maybe that WAS the lecturer? It was all so long ago.


  104. Well PNB, I think we agree on the ‘Ignore, ignore, ignore’ strategy so that works for me. The reason I said ‘document it’ is because sometimes I wonder if our host notices that the pitt bull has taken to yet another newbie. And I too wonder that the bully doesn’t stop and wonder how this is affecting his host’s business/readership/fan base.

    I deliberately made my advice general, in terms of dealing with a cyber bully – because there seems to be a lot of it out there, and I think its worth discussing. I’ve been shaking my head thinking ‘if this is how adults behave, WTF are our teenagers contending with?’

    GB, I have family members who have ASD and I’ve worked with kids who had it, years ago. I haven’t seen this level of vindictiveness in the ones I know. Rages, driven, often unaware of others needs and unable to read emotions and negotiate social situations – yes.
    Frustration, low impulse control, socially awkward – yes.
    But not vindictive, and not predatory.

    Its hard to diagnose, without a qualification and without seeing the entire picture. What I’ve seen is a lot of what you’d call Red Flags in terms of screening for the type of personality likely to engage in domestic violence and or abusive behaviour.

    Having grown up with that and seen the cycle repeat itself for several generations, I would say that bullying can be a learned behaviour (people grow up with it, assume it’s normal and have no experience of alternatives to problem solving/communication/conflict resolution), it can be due to mental illness – most particularly the cluster B personality disorders – all of which create chaos in social/work/interpersonal relationships – and there are times when it can go hand in hand with substance abuse.

    You really don’t know what you’re dealing with, when you encounter that kind of anti-social behaviour, but I do find it disturbing when it’s targeting one person in particular.


  105. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrade, yes ,please take rest. I also need re-charging of old revolutionary batteries, as helped by your astute observation I suspect we old style Communists have been superceeded by new wave of “Pseudo-Republican-Communist-Infiltrators” who are like Fido, designed to destroy underpinnings of Fascist Capitalistic devils by diluting (formerly) rather strong American science based educational system by injecting “faith based” anti-science jingoism into same! Is clever ploy, but against grain of hard-core Stalinists. Reminds self of teachings of “old chap type” fellow, Liddel-Hart, who proposed walking behind opponent and sticking fork into ass. This has led yours truly to ponder the possibility that lunatic war-monger George W. Bush is in reality is spawn of Stalin, Lenin, Trotsky,and Noam Chomsky combined. With reductions in education spending, absurd tests leading to studying to pass tests as opposed to learning, the most anti-science mind set since Saint Thomas Aquinas, this destroyer of American primary and secondary learning puts all devout Comrades of the 1950s to shame! As I walked through the cafeteria of Stanford University during Thanksgiving celebration, I observed that at least half of the students or candidates for higher degrees were Asian or at least non-White race! This, in a college where at the turn of the 20th century, the only Chinese person in the place had a broom in his hand! (I was on spy mission) Then, I laugh as American Imperialist ambitions to rule world, with money borrowed from China drain the U.S.A.! I must feel ashamed when I realized this even though it was your own Capitalist self which showed me the light. I will review in my desolate soul future employment options. Archeological career seems to be brighter star now.


  106. Quokka, agreed – neither vindictive nor predatory. One comment I found particularly worrying (can’t recall exactly & no desire to re-read) to the effect of “am I supposed to care how she feels?” Well, yes actually. It sounded like a boast, something he was proud of. Maybe I’m odd but I *do* care how people feel. Even when Sweet Jane was shredding me, I tried to answer calmly and logically. You never know what another persons personal demons might be. Now I don’t reply in most cases. Except B-zaar.

    And except of course for Yuri who may well BE a personal demon.


  107. Yes.
    Disturbing, I’ve noticed a few of those childish ‘why should I care?’ moments, directed at several people.

    Um, Abigail if you’re still lurking, and while we’re on the topic, just a word about some of the other traps to avoid.

    I’ve noticed our pitt bull has on a number of occasions tried to jump down someone’s throat (mine included) because of either a failure to read what the poster has written or because of some serious lack of comprehension of what’s been said – often in plain English. When this happens to me, I ignore it and let him froth and rant.

    I figure there’s either something going really wrong upstairs in the comprehension department or else its a deliberate attempt to start a fight.

    I also figure that most people there can read and do have comprehension skills, so I would never bother to go back and try to clarify anything that he hasn’t understood.

    My strategy for that one is Ignore, and Move On.


  108. Q and Gb -sorry its late, very brief. Q if you feel inclined, I have left my email address with Mayhem in a message at my fb page. No problem if not, but the choice is there should you wish…
    GB , I’m not omitting you at all, I am just conscious that you are still recovering from the students LOL.


  109. Mayhem – Welcome back to the blogosphere. I hear that Melbourne is a boring, humorless town.

    Abigail – Yuri’s polyester comment is just one of the reasons I am utterly pleased Yuri has made this place his home. He is funnier than I am – and that is saying something.

    Quokka – You know I love you like brother or a sister or whatever is fashionable, but I must attempt to dissuade you from demonizing Lobes, which is what you do by singling him out and referring to him as “our pitt bull.” First, he isn’t alone. He acted the way he did with the full support of others in that room. Many are sorry it had to be Abigail, but are happy he did what he did.

    Second, it is a serious tactical and strategic mistake to characterize one’s opponent as stupid. Doing so prevents the focus necessary to solve the problem at hand. What happened to Abigail was not caused by “either a failure to read what the poster has written or because of some serious lack of comprehension of what’s been said…” Lobes and his supporters are not stupid. What happened was the result of a calculated decision. It didn’t matter what Abigail posted. The moment was right to make an example of her.


  110. yuri_nahl, you’ve had me in stitches, some of the funniest comments I’ve ever read. Says something about my sence of humour me thinks. Also like you’re dry wit Paul.


  111. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, I have begun my new career as archeologist and have translated previously un-published document from anals of Pilate’s proctologist. Which are as follows.

    Friends, Romans,countrymen. I Pontius Pilate, Roman governor of Judea, will tell this curious story, of the attempt to subvert Roman rule over the city of Jerusalem by the fellow known as Jesus of Nazareth.

    “When my loincloth bloweth in the wind,” spoke Zarathustra, “it reminds me of the time, the diabolical time, the time known as ‘The Peculiar Illness and Uncuring and Apparently Miraculous Curing of the Lepers.’ (Now this was not the famous Zarathustra of “Thus Spoke Zarathustra” fame, it was just someone who was previously known as “Clyde” and who thought “Hey! That’s a catchy name…it’s me!”) This subsequently became known as “Leper Time” (Due to the papyrus makers going on strike.)…This title soon reverted back to the original longer one due to the unexpected deaths of the papyrus makers, (by the hand of the Temple Money Lenders lackeys,)( also influenced by the “scribes” who were paid “per letter”) and which then led to the removal of the skin of the previously alive, “on strike” papyrus makers, (now deceased, and no longer on strike.), which was then used to make parchment to write on, So this was a difficult and trying time for me, Pontius Pilate, procurator of Judea.

    And so it came to pass that an old friend of mine had come to Jerusalem, and was thoughtful enough to come and visit Claudia and me. This was a man I had met when I traveled to the East, to make trade and commerce more efficient, (on behalf of the Roman Empire) Now I should make it clear that even though he was not Roman, he was a trusted friend. Someone I could rely on, a friend whose deals were clean. (I shall not name him for his own safety).

    He had been in Jerusalem for a while, observing, incognito, getting a feel for the street, and came to see me by way of a warning. “Pilate”, he said, “The water is turbulent! The natives are restless, not smoking the peace pipe.” Since I, Pilate had no idea what my friend was talking about, I requested that he speak frankly, so I would have a clear understanding regarding the subject of his remarks. “As you know, Pilate, it is my habit to come to a place I am not familiar with in a discreet way, not attracting attention, so I can observe.

    I Pilate assured my friend that he was “As wily as the jackal in the desert” and please to continue…”It’s the lepers!” he exclaimed…..”First, no lepers, then, a plague of the smelly fellows! Bits of their bodies falling off, cluttering up the place!… Even whole legs sometimes. Legs left standing like bits of statues from antiquity, waiting for someone to put a vase with an attractive arrangement of flowers on it. Even genitals which offended the ladies, swelling up in the sun and exploding with a lusty pop. Mangy dogs would run up and carry off the limbs, with a squadron of bluebottles flying behind the dog, and a column of maggots which resembled the legions of Hannibal following on the ground, by Jupiter!”…. I Pilate said “Poor fellows, such a pity” “But that’s it!… As I observed these fellows, I felt my hair standing on end! As if in a dream becoming real. One after the other, they were becoming the swindlers I recognized from my own country! They all claimed to have been smitten by “He Without a Name” regarding their unfortunate affliction. I felt this may have been well deserved, since I knew them as “Bean under the three oyster shells” tricksters, thieves, extortionists, and the rabble a gentleman does not associate with!” “Please continue,” said I, Pilate.


  112. Scott – Thanks for the compliment. I agree with you about Yuri.


  113. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, please allow me to continue…………

    (Pontius Pilate)

    Friends, Romans, countrymen, please bear with me as I am only a politician, and not well versed in the storytellers craft. My friend spoke: “Each of these rascals and sleight of hand artists had been put in stocks and pelted with vegetables so rotten a pig wouldn’t eat them. In lieu of being killed by angry mobs, they had been doused with the contents of chamber pots, (which gave their skin a yellowish tint, and a slightly Asian demeanor).” My friend seemed to be in thought. “The thing that troubled me was…the ones I recognized were all run of the mill scoundrels, not able to pull off a complex crime.”

    “I came to the conclusion that there was a superior mind directing this criminality from a place of concealment.” then,…”So what do you think of this Jesus?” “Just another holy man, a messiah type I think.” said I. “Is there something I should know?” “Well” he said, “I hate to cast aspersions on a chap, but some years ago, I heard tell of a “Jesus” who would occasionally get run out of town by angry citizens who had been swindled in some confidence scam or other. This Jesus was a skilled shipwright, and carpenter and worked along the coast. He had a talent for cabinetmaking. Fakirs, conjurers, magicians, would employ him to build secret cabinets. The cabinets of concealment, of smuggling. Even for smuggling people.”

    “In other words, these were the trick cabinets built for the thrusting of swords through, allowing a slim assistant to curl up to avoid the sword blade, so as to fool the rabble attending these traveling sideshows in the market. It was from these mountebanks that the messiah fellow learned the ways of the tricksters, and indeed the knowledge which allowed the planted seed to blossom into the masterpiece crime which he hoped would allow him to retire with a decent pension….

    I Pilate, was aghast at the revelation! However, as incredible as all this seemed, there was more!… “What really lit the torch in my head was…the falling off of the limbs! Because I had seen this before in my home land! Indeed, the very limbs, stolen from dead bodies were used to fool those being pick pocketed! A person with arms crossed (even though one of the arms had been removed from a cadaver!) sticking his own (live) hand into some pilgrims pocket, and relieving him of his hard earned pieces of silver!

    Furthermore, the same limbs stolen from corpses, could have amputated hands, to disguise those who needed a whole arm as proof that he was not the culprit! Because, how could someone replace an amputated hand? All that was required was to pull out his own whole limb from his robes!…Even so, this new evidence in Jerusalem showed that the criminal mind of the author of this fiendish plan had evolved!”

    It was at this time my friend suggested deploying some operatives from his entourage. Trusted spies, that is! He needed these fellows for his work as an expediter of trade and commerce. These lads did not live near, nor came near my friends residence. They blended in with the local populace, and even sought employment with the gang of hoodlums needing those willing to circumambulate the law, and who were skilled in the idiomatic arts of perfidy….

    The plan was, (Firstly) to have the spurious lepers beg on the Temple steps and try to make money that way. With limbs from cadavers tied to them with string, pieces of their bodies would fall off so as to get sympathy from the Temple attendees. Their rotting limbs would fall off with a plop and be carried away by scurvy dogs and rats. Arms and legs would be falling off regularly, rattling down the stairs as the flesh fell off the bones. Strange as it seems, people whose arm had fallen off in the morning would be back that afternoon with a new corroded limb. The scene was so revolting that no normal Templegoer would notice the beggars face. It was ascertained that Jesus was now initiating another money making scheme curing the lepers, because the undeserved spoils from begging had started to dwindle.


  114. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, by your leave, I shall continue my humble narrative…….


    “This time was the ‘Time of The Miraculous Curing’…. Stinking lepers in great abundance and variety in various states of disintegration were congregating near the Temple. Chunks of their carcasses were falling off because mainly of the abominably warm summer. The smell was diabolical. The cloud of flies was starting to blot out the sun. The effect of all this was to render the previously immaculate Temple into a greasy slum.

    “No customers would come to borrow money. The fly situation was so bad that bluebottles were ganging up and landing on vultures, bringing them down by sheer weight, and scoffing them, leaving a pile of bones which resembled a vulture, which then keeled over with a puff of wind….. Huge maggots started attacking the dogs which were carried of by force of numbers of maggots, then devoured. The poor dogs had such a look of horror on their faces as they were hauled away to a certain death was very compelling.Their skeletons appeared to be hallucinations of dogs whose owners had been mean to them and were now returning to haunt them.Spies monitoring the Messiah reported that He was negotiating with the city authorities for a massive payoff to relieve the situation.

    “The angry politicians flat out rejected the extortionist plot. Jesus had anticipated this possibility. He therefore decided to start curing the lepers at great speed, to increase His charismatic quotient with the common people. This high gear curing from dawn to dusk started to thin out the fly and maggot plagues and drastically reduce the number of begging disintegrating fake lepers. It was a good thing too, because the cadaver supply was running out, and as a result, the price for a corpse was getting so high, it was ruining the bottom line.

    “I was horrified by the possibility of Jesus taking over politically by sheer popularity. My career would be over. If I was called back to Rome to face Caligula, my private parts would probably be removed with a pair of pliers, or a dull meat cleaver, and thrown to the monkeys to eat as a tasty snack. My friend’s spies were trying to understand the physical characteristics of the “Great Curing” that was occurring. The substantive part of the process was the claim Jesus was making about the removal of the moldering body parts and accompanying clouds of big ravenous flies. By using pure logic, we decided on a plan to reverse the cleaning effect of Jesus “Great Curing”, and keep the stinking, decomposing, fly and maggot ridden piles there in great and revolting abundance.

    “We Romans felt that Jesus had over sported himself on this one. I Pilate had ordered the movement of four Legions of battle-hardened troops toward Jerusalem. (just in case) All coming from different directions so as to not alert or alarm the population. Jesus started another day of lording it up as His curing and cleaning gained Him great admiration from the common people.

    “To curtail this unearned and dangerous popularity, I, Pilate, ordered the approaching legions to stand off at a fair distance, but to discretely transport erect and conceal the siege catapults close enough to the Temple so as to be within firing range.


  115. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, if you please,

    (Pontius Pilate,Procurator of Judea)……….

    “The Plan was to turn the tables on the Messiah and avert His perverted plan to weaken the Roman Rule over Judea. This we had learned: He planned to gain great popularity by the spurious curing of the fake lepers. With this popularity among the populace, He intended to challenge and weaken Roman Authority, and stop the “rendering unto Caesar that which is Caesars.” at which time He would begin to “render unto Jesus, that which is Caesars” The ballistae and smaller tactical catapults were concealed but ready to use.

    “The next day, Jesus’ miraculous curing activities were abruptly halted by a sudden shower of disembodied heads, which, launched from the siege catapults, unexpectedly flew out of the sky, fell upon the Temple steps and exploded from the impact of hitting the steps. Pilgrims were splattered with moldering brains and a couple of ears which stuck to them and looked like they had been dipped in mucus. Wonder and confusion ensued. Fingers flew through the air, poking people in the eye, or picking someone’s nose. Heads, zinging along would sometimes bounce up and bite somebody, then roll away.

    “Soon afterwards, parts of bodies, landed in the same vicinity. A clever secret technique used by us Romans was tying swords into the hands of arms (separated from the bodies they were originally attached to). These hands with swords in them would scythe through the fleeing Temple goers, felling many of them like so many bushes, plumb cut off by some mad gardener. Some of these body parts were feet, wearing high heels! Some roller skates.They struck members of the crowd on the Temple stairs, impaling some of the devout with a six inch stiletto. Others were injured by the whirling legs and arms careening through the air. An un-manicured hand or foot can cause a dangerous scratch. Rotating heads made some of the more religious folk think there was need of an exorcism. Other victims had whole faces, which torn asunder from heads by centripetal force landed on un-expecting recipients, making them as it were, the “progenitors with no portfolio” of the fictional sociopath “Hannibal (The Cannibal) Lector! We Romans called this effect “Shock and Awe”

    “The best display of Military Genius was the “ cow filled with goats heads”. The cow was opened up along its backbone and a small table installed. The table legs went down inside the cows legs. the table part was as wide and as long as the cow. Onto the table were placed as many goat heads as possible. Any remaining space had manure piled into it. The cow hide was then tightly sewn up. The whole thing was smeared with gold paint. During the night, the Golden Cow was carried up to the top of the Temple steps by some swarthy fellows.

    “The next day, the sun was blazing hot. The curious came to ponder the meaning of the Golden Cow. It resembled the “Golden Calf”, except bigger. Some even wondered “Should it be worshiped?” The intense heat started cooking the manure and forming methane gas. The goat heads were rotting and forming gas too. The day passed by as the cow swelled up, then swelled some more. The whole body part of the cow was almost perfectly round from the gas. At this time a slight unpleasant odor was emanating from the cow.

    “A chap decided that one more whiff of odor it would be unbearable, so he started to light some incense to provide some relief from the malevolent gas chamber of horrors. As one of our archers hid behind a column, the fellow applied fire to his incense.

    “Upon seeing the fire, the archer knew that the time was right. He released his arrow. When the arrow punctured the cow hide , the gas leaked out, and touched the fire. A mighty explosion ensued. Red and blue fire and smoke billowed forty feet into the air. (This may have actually been what rent the Temple Veil from top to bottom.) Goat heads emanated from the cow at a speed so great, they could not actually be seen! They zinged outward in a circular configuration.

    “Many a Temple goer was impaled with a goat horn. (lucky for them! An Ibex or unicorn would have certainly been fatal) Some of the heads stuck to the columns of the Temple and before sliding down with a plop, gave the place a motif suitable for worshiping Beelzebub, not “He Without A Name”. A couple of the goat heads shot through windows in the neighborhood, sweeping housewife’s tasty dinners they had served their husbands off the table and leaving a smoldering “goat head” in lieu of it. There were whole families who thought they had been possessed by the Devil in a goat head incarnation.

    “We Romans were helpless, paralyzed with laughter as goat heads landed with a puff of dust in the vicinity. Some, their eyeballs popping out of the heads and rolling around like some infernal peering marbles. Body parts being hauled away from the Temple had been intercepted and confiscated by Roman troops disguised as civilians. Those transporting the parts were taken into custody. The cloud of flies hovering over this scene concealed the trajectory of the incoming hunks of flesh and therefore the source could not be discerned. Maggots fell from the sky in a veritable hailstorm of the pesky creatures.


  116. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, regarde,


    “Because a state of utter chaos had not been achieved, I Pilate, ordered an increase in the volume and variety of projectiles we were hurling at the Temple. We had acquired crosses with those crucified still attached to them. We installed these crosses into our large catapults which normally launched huge arrows. These crosses were flung towards the Temple. Flying through the air, disintegrating into pieces upon striking the Temple, loin cloths asunder. Private parts whirling in an undignified and public manner. With wooden shrapnel wounding the pilgrims, making them look like victims of rampaging gangs of pygmies,who had shot blowgun darts at them. The bodies were cart wheeling around, making the flying crucifixes an effective method of encouraging the crowd to exit the Temple and stairs with all deliberate speed.

    “Since we were now enjoying the carcass flinging, we had our taxidermists install human body parts into oxen and donkeys so that their heads would be hanging from the mouths and anuses of these poor rotting beasts of burden. Some had been subjected to enemas with thousands of maggots in the liquid. Upon landing, these animals would pop open, shooting the head out each end and dousing anyone close by with a soup of hideous squirmy maggots. An occasional barrel of ballistic excrement sent the Roman soldiers into hysterical laughter, as turds slid everywhere causing the pilgrims to slip and fall into the goo. The soldiers had often thought about, but never had the opportunity to do this,until now!

    ‘We decreased our rate of carcass launching. By now, shrieking hordes were trampling each other as they vacated the Temple. The piles of rotting meat grew more slowly as only an occasional body or barrel of intestines landed in an ungraceful manner, causing some of those exiting to have a digestive system attached to their bodies, or intestines wrapped around their heads like some avant-garde chapeau or fedora


  117. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, in conclusion,

    (Pontius Pilate)…….

    “I Pilate, thought this whole episode was illustrative of the fleeting nature of popularity, and of the type of loyalty based only on thuggery and money. This “Resurrection” surprised his “disciples” too because they were really a bunch of gangsters and not “holy men” by any stretch of the definition!

    “In political life we find that friends can sometimes be found in unexpected places. Since both sets of Jesus’ previous associates had thrown him over to save themselves, I Pilate, had decided to help the fellow. I told Jesus that He would live, as long as He never returned to Judea, and relocated to Scotland. He would help me in return. He would report the lie of the Scottish street through persons I would supply for that purpose. His wife, Mary, who was expecting a child, would not have to grovel in the stinking heat of the eastern Mediterranean, scorned by the populace. After all, the man had exhibited initiative, leadership in a complex crime, the ability to think on the run. Attributes which had built the Roman Empire. If He did not repeat the mistake of working within a context of religious fanaticism, he could succeed in his next vocation.

    “I Pilate had arranged for Jesus to be taken into the tomb with his cross. He was covered with blood, but it was animal blood. I had the flogger dip his whip in a bucket of blood and this gave the appearance of a brutal beating. In the tomb, a dead man was nailed to the cross. He had been tied to another cross in case rigor mortis set in, and the corpse assumed an un-dignified posture resembling a cabaret dancer frozen in time, or chorus girl, with one foot sticking out, for example.

    “No one hung around the cross when ” fake Jesus” was nailed to it. After His ascension, there was no body to look at and compare with “real Jesus”, so it was the perfect scam! To be honest, sometimes I think that the whole thing might have been a scam, by Jesus, with the free ride to Scotland included! Everyone ended up happy. The common people, and the un-common people had their revenge. They thought I Pilate was a firm but fair ruler.

    “Jesus changed his name to Angus McBoondoggle, and his descendants became big in church life. This was because Jesus had seen the power and money making potential of religion, and since “religion” is a scam in itself, he was already experienced! One of his descendants, was called Ninian and was “a most reverend bishop and holy man of the British race who had ‘been instructed in the mysteries of the Christian Faith in Rome’ (!)” This was the ultimate scam! A true masterpiece. A guy getting rich using a lie based on his own death, which was fake in the first place! I only learned of these facts after traveling though space and time to get to the 21st Century. I had always wondered how it turned out for Jesus, Mary and their baby

    “Jesus actually reported about life in Scotland for a while, but as time passed Rome decided the Scots were an incorrigible people, beyond civilizing. In fact the Emperor Hadrian had a wall built to keep out the savages, which still stands to the present day.


    (Dr. Yuri Nahl, Professor of Archeology, Boondoggle University, British Virgin Islands, [Glasgow Campus]) Comrades, the above document was translated from the Latin with kind permission of the Vatican Archive, and with the generous assistance of Father Cripin, Chief Archivist, who also provided me with a lightning rod, as he knows I am a heathen and thought it better to preclude my being electrocuted. March 5 2010)


  118. PNB, I don’t think that bullying and harassment achieve anything other than distressing those that are the targets of it and those that don’t like observing it.

    If there are house rules, then the blog host needs to post them and make the guidelines to behaviour crystal clear.

    As for the ‘No Faff’ rule – it seems to be entirely inconsistent.
    The no faff signal goes up and it’s OK for some to faff and not others.

    WTF is faff anyway?
    The first time I came across it, it was directed at a bit of light hearted banter between NatV and ALD.
    Another time it was directed at Mayhem and she admitted that she was having a side conversation with Havock – which he’d happily encouraged.
    The third time I encountered it, it was directed at me, when I was pointing out that there was a problem with the NT blog. Up until that time it had been acceptable to point out on the current thread that there was a problem at the NT.

    My current interpretation of ‘No Faff’ means ‘scribe is cranky and inclined to be unreasonable. Stand clear.’

    If there are rules, then beating up a newbie or someone who doesn’t understand the protocol isn’t going to teach them what they are. It just teaches them that there is a bully on the blog and others who are willing to back him. If what you say is true and Lobes has been allowed to attack a poster with the full consent and encouragement of others there, then the analogy of using a pet pitt bull to drive off newcomers is exactly right.

    I do understand and accept that there is a core group there that isn’t happy with the way the blog is going. If so, then they need to state clearly what they want – because JB does encourage visitors to his site and plainly, unless they do what that core group want, they aren’t welcome.


  119. PNB, I do think its good of you to provide a forum for this discussion. I think you and I will have to agree to disagree on a few things here, and fair enough, to each their own.

    I think it would be really useful, while we’re going, to
    1. Define Faff
    2. Explain the blog rules and outline what’s considered to be accepted protocol for contribution to a thread.


  120. Ana nymous Says:

    Wow. Took time to read some of this while my incredibly slow machine loaded a video I need to watch.

    What fun –here and there and everywhere.

    Yuri, dear comrade, I wonder if you have some Japanese in your blood, or perhaps you have traveled there?

    No time to linger; if anyone’s wondering what’s happening in my neck of the woods, all I can say is not a lot here.

    Interesting discussions about bullying, individualism vs. community; wish I had time to go back and read what started this all. But I think I need to head out if I’m going to make the Sherry Vine show.

    pnb–The one thing Yuri lacks is your talent with the visuals, perhaps you could give him a couple tips. So when you going to decide on an Avatar, or was that just a way to get folks searching for the movie to drop in? So, how does one get an avatar, anyway?

    Ah, boring stuff is on, got to go.


  121. I say chaps, this here is groovy, say what:


    I think Yuri will like it 🙂


  122. Inded Mr Boylan, thank you for this – I stumbled upon it and I am curious how it might have proceeded had I not found soemthinh with my name on it so to speak, but one will never know. You’ve opened up a discussion which is a giant step forward.

    I will *treat* it as though an annoyance–for the sake of goodwill–but I will *think* of it as something else entirely.

    Quokka, I left my email details at M’s . ( think women’s probs) if you like. I’d like to be able to discuss the links you atttached here and some info about what steps I’ve taken , but I leave it entirely up to you 🙂

    Thanks again.


  123. PNB, The best things always come of the less wonderful.


    For me that has been the serendipity of delving into this little corner of the “world” and seeing the sublime in the human being ina dark moment, and momenst are all they are. I always love the line from American Beauty” People don’t realise how beautiful they are”. If they did, we’d have more of this, but we have what we have , I guess.

    And Yuri, what is this mad genius you have? who were your parents?
    And also, Yuri, as a Russian you might be pleased to learn that I have a very high regard for early Ikons and Russian art history in general.


  124. paulboylan Says:

    I am forced to disagree with you, Abigail. Sometimes the best things come from the absolutely most wonderful. The first example that comes to mind is the polio vaccine.


  125. yuri_nahl Says:

    http://www.bigredhair.com/boilerplate/ Comrade Abigale, here’s one for you Baby.


  126. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrade Abigale, Mr.Boondoggle of famous Boondoggle Foundry in San Francisco, and grandson of great philanthropist,and founder of Boondoggle University, became Rasta. In recent past also follower of Saint Bob Marley. He has communicated with me from amphibious aircraft adrift in South Pacific. He asked me to copy his first poem written in the Rasta idiom, and publish it on this blog, as he is in fear of his death. I therefore traveled to Caribbean and copied poem scrawled in blood on hovel wall. This is one of a few Mr.Boondoggle Rasta poems in existence. So I am privileged to be the first to release this splendid talent to the world…..

    Mr.Boondoggle Poem

    De Mule
    If you wants to be a Rasta,
    Don’t flog de mule to go fasta’
    Cuz you is gwinta’ get dere eventually,
    Even if it take till de nex’ century.
    De End

    Comrades, this is the new Rasta Haiku Idiom, first heard on this venue! An historical time . There are a few other MrBoondoggle poems, but I will have to search through the rubble of his hovel to find them.


  127. Robbie Burns wrote verse
    The beauty warms my sad heart
    The verse of Yuri burns


  128. Sorry:
    Robbie Burns wrote verse
    Their beauty warms my sad heart
    The verse of Yuri burns


  129. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, in old age, must be losing of the memory! I had the Mr.Boondoggle poem right by me all time, in box containing Christmas card from very same chap! Words on inside of which are as written here………
    “I come back to spread de riddum, Man!” (writing in the Rasta dialect or argot) (apparently a spontaneous masterpiece erupted from his soul) ….He wrote…(about Santa Claus)…

    “Yo, fat geezer in de sky,
    How is it dat you can fly?
    Do you got dem rockets on yo’ feet?
    Or a windshield to keep dem flies outa’ yo’ teet’?

    “If you wuz in de vicinity,
    I could see if you is in de Trinity,
    So if you got,
    De Fada’, de Son, an’ de Holy Ghost,
    When you divy up de money, Who get de most?

    “Yo’ clothes, dey is made outa asbestos,
    Because you is unlike de rest of us.
    You gots dat red outfit dat you wear,
    And if you caught ablaze,
    You might get a scare,
    ‘Specially if you burned up ,
    Like a flare!”

    De End

    Comrades, in the presence of genius, one is at a loss for words.


  130. Shall I compare thee to a twisted Loon?
    Thou art more rabid and degenerate:
    Rough words do spring from me right soon,
    And gladly wouldst I kick thee up th’ date:

    Sometime too kind the eye of Boylan gazes,
    And oft’ is his perception dimm’d;
    And your vile-accent’d verbosity amazes,
    By better taste or good intent untrimm’d:

    But thy eternal raving doth not fade
    Nor cease to plague how ever wroth we be;
    Nor shall kind Death take thee to his shade,
    Whatever bribes and begging come’st from me:

    So long as we can breathe, and tap our keys to blog,
    So long lurk thou, thrice noxious Commie dog!


  131. This is amazing — a genius troll and Greybeard in a poetry slam. I LOVE THIS. I mean genuinely love this material.

    Comrade Yuri- That link is so charming. Thank you so much. (I love discovering obscure whimsy I’d never heard of)

    I have no time to look at the above in detail at the present time but later I should find some spare moments to look closely.


  132. yuri_nahl, the Stalingrad story was hysterical!
    Tell me do you have any more such stories from the glorious Soviet Union, that Stalin chap was quite a card wasn’t he?
    Some would claim that he was a Paranoid megalomaniac, I reckon that he was just taking the piss, seeing how long he could get away with the act.


  133. Btw, Paul, you’re welcome.
    Greybeard, here here!
    Abigail, I agree funny stuff!


  134. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, thank you and Comrade old chap, it’s like Shakespeare..Bravo! Here is my role model and idol………….http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dipabvtCWeA&feature=related


  135. O immoral Yuri Nahl, whose poems do repel,
    You have drawn out your characters remarkably ill,
    Which is frightful for to see upon Boylan’s stage
    For instance, the incontinent Fuhrer, or Stalin, in a rage;
    Your writing’s a disaster, your teachers you betray,
    By far the vilest poet of the past or present day.
    Also the poorest fantasist, quite unworthy of the name,
    I hope the world shall never look upon his like again.
    His tragedy of Hitler is immoral and quite coarse,
    And for purity of language, I’d get better from a horse*
    For his stories of Rasputin, drunken monster to the Tsar,
    show his Genital Obsession – Yuri’s soul’s as black as tar.
    I feel sure his mind is weakened by drinking too much wine;
    But that cannot excuse him, the dirty rotten swine!
    “Alas” I cry “Why put that up his nose which will steal away his brain.”
    For his fevered imagination is surely fuelled by foul cocaine.
    Immoral Bard of Moscow, your writings are diseased,
    And will scar our precious memories until time itself has ceased;
    Your extinction I anticipate with wonder and delight,
    While seated by my fireside on this cold winter’s night.

    (*That is of course, only if the horse is the famous Mr. Ed)


  136. yuri_nahl Says:



  137. OMG, Yuri’s flat lined from mental exhaustion. Resus, stat!


  138. yuri_nahl Says:

    http://www.sacred-texts.com/afr/jas/jas151.htm I an’I say dese t’ings. Mr.Boondoggle email for Comrade A.


  139. Dear Yuri- (and you have come to be dear in a short time . You are the only conflation I know who can write so poignantly of bodily functions, anatomy , hellish allusins and imagery)
    I find I have to return and return to Paul’s blog to read little snippets of the content above and beyond this page. I am speniding waaay too much time on the net doing so and must rest my mind, but I shall resume my reading as soon as I can. Your devoted fan, Abi


  140. May I heartily endorse Miss Abigail’s encomium and confess myself,
    another fan.

    You should be promoted from mere Spy to Living National Treasure.


  141. Back for another installment. Now only through the sailor days. Thanks Yuri, even a biblephobe can follow your madness. But nalh does not fit you, or perhaps it does in a ironic sort of way.

    Hasta la proxima.


  142. Ana Nymous Says:

    Honestly, that janelle; where did she come from? Definitely nalh.


  143. Janelle – Hasta la proxima? I have never heard that, and I love it.

    Ana – Leave Janelle alone. She is an honored guest here.


  144. yuri_nahl Says:

    Shipmates, am aboard Japanese whale “research” vessel. New sobriquet is “Ishmael Nahl”….(salty dog type of chap). Have sneaked into room with Internet access. I am on secret mission employed by Chinese Democratic Etc. to find real reason for Japanese Whale Research. Have not had much sleep as this vessel (Patna Maru) collided with a shipload of beatniks during night of heavy seas. Soon will be done here. All information gleaned so far is that :(1) Japanese crew-members are all wearing kilts. (2) something Scottish, or Scottish styled, or that is peculiar to Scotland is in works.(3) this vessel is headed for Firth of Forth, to former “Burntisland Shipyard” . Type of “Oxymoron”, or somehow anti-logical force is at play.Perhaps “Conundrum”. Lack of personal assistant makes hard for limited Communist vocabulary. By using stealth and guile, I have seen sacks of onion, porridge oats…..During night, (normally) level headed self was visited by specter of Clarice Starling, and accompaniment of sheep, most disturbing. As a fellow used to hanging around the Scottish gay scene, where stout chaps would often be heard conversing about “tossing their ‘cabers'”, feeling around in their sporrans for hard to find objects, all that stuff. I have decided the Patna Maru will be re[fitted to comply with these specifications I have seen in the captain’s safe. This will be done at the “Burntisland Fabrication Facility”. The vessel “Patna Maru” is to become the world’s first “sea-bourne haggis factory ship”. This posit was derived or extrapolated from diverse clues.(please excuse awkward use of words). Use of whale stomach is to speed production of Worlds Largest Haggis. (since world wide recession, less durable goods are sold) so Japanese are now trying to dominate “World Haggis Supply”. Now, with correct information I can get well earned pay. I intend to start “Keith Richards Grooming Spa-Louis Vuiton-Luggage- Angus McBoondoggle Brogue Shoes (and Kilts)” franchise right by Burntisland harbor, outfitting all Japanese sailors, and cooks on Haggis ships with correct attire (formal and casual) for sight-seeing while in Glasgow. At gay facility, I will recruit my acquaintances as sales force. Must go now.


  145. Well tattoo me buttocks and call me Queequeg! So that’s where you’ve been. May I say that I heartily approve of spying on these fiendish kilted orientals? As a person who has appeared in the formal “Prince Charlie” outfit – complete with sgian dhu in the sock and a *particularly* large and hairy sporran – I object to its misuse. Even by the MacMitsuis, the “Clan of Whom we Do Not Speak”. The revenant of agent Starling was perhaps a subconscious warning that the sea hides many crimes – The Silence of the Clams if you will. Take care Yuri! If danger nears, be like the wise shepherd and “get the flock out of there”.


  146. lol.


  147. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, Lassies and Laddies, by way of introduction to a wee supermodel of my acquaintance is a part of some correspondence we had in the recent past. I can’t remember really. My psycho therapist Dr. Sigmund VonBoondoggle, (of Vienna) was refering to his British relations, and through this, I became friends with the Boondoggles.
    Mrs.Boondoggle wrote….
    There may have been a reference to one of my ancestors on the Bayeux Tapestry. There was a knight Guillaume Gâchis, who appeared to be sodomising a few of the enemy knights who were the inhabitants of England. So it may be that Boondoggle deserted from the army of William the Conquorer, and went to Scotland to ravage the lassies, and maybe a few laddies up there. This is only speculation however. It was mentioned because Gâchis was the only person depicted as a sodomist during the battle which ended with the subjugation of England to the Normans.

    Then Mrs.Boondoggle, after having a dram or two of special elixir, spake in dialect…….

    Ma braw friends. Sometime I’ll huv ta tell ye about the other side uv ma family. They got a start when ma ancestor Mad Eric Blue hair McBoondoggle robbed a dog uv a bloody Englishman, and had to bolt across to some principality in the German federation or whitever it wus. He hud quite a pile o’ gold with him, and worked his way up in the court, because he wus popular with the ladies. They always thought he hud a sausage in his sporran, and when they found out nothing was in the sporran, his popularity grew again. He Germanised his name and wus known as Verrückt Eric der Blaue Haare Freiherr von Boondoggle. But that’s another story.

    Ma other great uncle, Haimish McBoondoggle used to say “Come here ma wee lassie! What a bonnie bairn you are! Sit on ma lap and I’ll tell you a story!” So I was a wee girlie of eighteen or so. I used to say “Oh Uncle Haimish, do you hae’ a dead stoat in yer sporran, a stoat who is in a state of rigor mortis?” He’d say “No lassie, the only thing in ma sporran is a pint of Scotch whiskey, (for medicinal purposes, only.) In case I need to brace maself against the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune!”

    Comrades, I wished to acquaint you with the Boondoggles ,because they now reside in San Francisco, near the floating dry-docks on 3rd. St. They have their foundry there.

    Many historical stories are born in that neighborhood. Humbly bow to kind remarks.


  148. PNB – I tried to measure the faff content but my faffometer has run out of batteries. Just went and looked at the CBG thread where Abigail withdrew from the stoush with Lobes. I’ve seen Lobes vent before and that was a classic example. My feeling is that its generally not worth engaging in that sort of fight as it basically boils down to swapping insults and I guess that’s why Abigail decided to leave.

    I can’t really see why people actually get upset about faffing. Its easy to skip the faff. Dissing faff is fine but ranting at individuals who aren’t causing any harm seems pointless. A waste of emotional energy.

    Yuri – thanks for the elephant/Hannibal essay (plus the others).
    Now what is the “elephant in the room” here? Avatars?
    (I vote for the pie chart avatar. Mmmmm. Pie.)


  149. Therbs- boo! I’m back. lol.

    I was convinced it was better to be around and continue enjoying the millieu than not. Plenty of cool peeps there.

    And thanks for what you just said. abi


  150. “…But that’s another story” Yes Yuri, quite so. lol.


  151. Dear Yuri. I have taken the liberty of examining your antecedents on my steam-powered leather Intermanet-device. One of your own ancestors did indeed arrive in England with William the Conqueror and was a special friend of his.

    Most people have been (falsely) led to believe that William was also known as “The Bastard”. This was an early example of PR spin to conceal his real nickname, Guillaume le Cul-Cambrioleur. “The Secret History of Senlac” – a work passed down through the generations of my noble line – reveals that one Guy de Nahl was left at the ships by Duke William, sitting in a tub of iced water. When asked why, William replied that after a good hot battle, he liked to come home and slip into something cool. This may be the origin of the expression to nail (or Nahl?) a sexually submissive person.

    Guy was later rewarded with a manor near York and a lifetime supply of hemorrhoid cream. Alas, his descendant, Sir Percy de Garderobe de Nahl was forced to flee to what is now Russia when he was unmasked as the Galloping Bugger of Nether Poppleton (to be found just to the north-west of modern York) (I mean of course the town of Nether Poppleton, not the Galloping Bugger who is not only long dead, but buried in Russia) (Although it is said that after his burial he was disinterred and reburied by the villagers in a cesspit – rein-turd as it were).

    How the de Garderobes de Nahls eventually produced your estimable self is a tale for another day, and stronger stomachs than mine.


  152. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, the importance of excellent “Mr. Ed” show cannot be taken lightly. In the year 2009, there was disturbance at Boondoggle Foundry. I am friend of the Boondoggle family and went right over to shipyard neighborhood in San Francisco. In the foundry, near chariot horses the Boondoggles own, was Mr.Boondoggle, in a state of apparent paralysis. How long he had been standing there was difficult to say, but there was quite the bit of dust on the fellow, and a family of mice had moved into one of his trouser legs. I detected an “aura” which was an “indicator” that there was possibility, that some Black Magic, or some derivative of Voodoo, (some call it “Hoodoo”) in the vicinity. Therefore, at that time, I sent for my spiritual advisor, Baron Samedi. http://lh3.ggpht.com/_IP8m22gHbl8/S0GKEfcc2wI/AAAAAAAAGJk/bjnNUPGkHdg/s1600-h/smCMcover-all.gif He agreed with my diagnosis. Someone, or some talisman, was holding Mr.Boondoggle in the grip of “mind control.” We rushed to inquire what phase of the moon is upon us. We had to consult astronomer, because that part of San Francisco is usually foggy. We felt blessed because there was a full moon and this would expedite or augment any redeeming spell or elixir we had to use.


  153. Therbs – A little late to the show, but always welcomed.

    I have no problem with faff. I am the King of faff; very little that I say is on point or on topic. My stolen catch-phrase “but I digress” is intended to reinforce my penchant for digression.

    Nevertheless, I sort of like CBG’s free-for-all, self-regulating milieu and work, in my own way, for a certain balance. This recent crisis allowed that balance to be achieved and reinforced. Also, there is small but meaningful benefit in no one being driven or required to choose a side for or against either Abigail or Lobes, and we have Abigail to thank for that. Her return caused a seachange in the psycho/social structure of that imaginary place that I suspect no one other than me fully appreciates – which is fine: much like the Quantum Paradox, enough awareness would affect the result.

    On a side note, I am looking forward to returning to my


  154. I will have to finish that thought later. I have been distracted by a television program about monkeys.


  155. In the words of our kindly Host, I digress. Voodoo (or Voudon or Vudu) has always been associated with one of my favourite things; the Zombie. (I have never cared for girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes, raindrops on roses or brown-paper packages tied up with string. It is, perhaps, a character flaw, but I prefer zombies. I feel the urge to write a poem about this but will try to resist).

    What most people do not realise is the that the song popularised by Frank Sinatra (of Grassy Knoll fame):
    “Voodoo something to me / Something that simply mystifies me / Tell me, why should it be / You have the power to hypnotize me?”
    contains a clue to the secret of Zombification. The Lyrics were originally “Fugu does something to me . . . etc”. Fugu or the Pufferfish is the source of the deadly and mind-altering Tetrodotoxin – the common incredient in the various forms of Zombie powder (which also contain “grave dust”, dried monkey feces, vitamin C and peppermint).

    Cole Porter, who wrote the lyrics, was approached by Sinatra on behalf of the Mafia Council and ordered to remove the reference to Fugu. The Mafia wished to conceal the secret of Zombification so that no one would suspect that it was Sinatra and not Zombie-Oswald who assassinated Kennedy’s double. Later even the word Voodoo was removed and the ridiculous “You do” substituted, after which the lyrics made no sense at all.

    I can only hope that enough time has passed, and that so many of those involved have died, that I can safely reveal these fac


  156. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, Shipmates, I am lost. Feel so lost, I am at verge of emulating Captain Ahab,”… When ship’s compass was washed overboard in heavy weather, the time when he put the tip of his peg-leg in the hole in the poop deck, and aye, keeled over at he hip ,with a harpooners’ lance lashed to him with one of the shrouds, the captain became a human compass, as the tip of the lance pointed toward magnetic north and by crucifixion of his will, Ahab led us from the calm back to the trades..just as Moses led the Israelites to the Promised Land.” (chapter 36) All this because of strange bedfellow (dog, Momo) having romantic dream, and foot of animal jiggling around, kicked paper with draft of foundry story, which descended like dead leaf in “Chanson d’Automne” , except in this case, leaf landed in chamber pot. Therefore I must hope that after removal from clothesline, the writing is legible, or I will have to hope the God of Memory will bless me so I can “regale you ” with the strange tale of the “Frozen Fonudry Owner”


  157. LOL, Paul, so it’s merely a *coincidence* that the monkeys appeared just as you were scribbling your subject matter? because you’re such a babe in the woods of course 😉

    Back to Megan Gale…


  158. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrade, many thanks for interesting facts about Holy Sacraments of Voodoo church. These will help inept self understand mysteries of tapestry unfolding in life. Is that Megan your sister , Abi? Golden slumber calls.


  159. I missed the show about monkeys. I was distracted by


  160. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, in between trying to determine if Karl Lagerfeld is dead or alive has been puzzling me while I wait for restored urine drenched notes of mysterious occurrence of Mr.Boondoggle becoming frozen in place. Will do best to recall in spite of shattered memory cells. So now please to remember, patient is now under doctor’s care in foundry, as Voodoo consultant has refused to sign off on patient being moved from “confluence of possible negative energy”. Close by are several used condoms with written grocery lists on same, stuck to wall, and “patent application ” for “sticky notes” but all covered with dust. Chariot horses are close by, and are seeming somewhat nervous. Dobbin keeps looking at Mr.Boondoggle. These horses need exercise and are twitchy, keep clattering hooves on floor like tap-dancers trying to shake turd from foot. Horses have large screen TV, and like to watch “Lone Ranger”,”National Velvet” stuff like that.

    So by tonight, PAIT ghost hunter types will have cameras running to see any spirit activity. (swindlers, I think).

    Will break in with any news flash.


  161. Yuri, Gold.

    And you know, horses (esp Mr Ed style horses) are a big feature in my own life, as is Karl Lagerfeld.
    I love the combination.


  162. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrade Abigail, have feeling , this is big! Many Capitalist money scrounging ideas may be derived from knowledge gained by this experience. Although principal characters may be far out of town by that time. Will reveal details, soon, but this unfolding of recent events is complex, (especially for my ravaged mind) but I am doing my Communist best to describe the scenario.


  163. hahaha well you do your “Communist best” there , mein Comrade. It works just fine.


  164. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrade Abi, Bitte schön.


  165. Paul

    Thanks to you and Yuri I have had an exceptionally long and enjoyable read.

    An impressive number of comments for one of you blog entries (a record perhaps?)

    Well done to all contributers.


  166. Ausgaz – Yes, it is a record for this blog. I am afraid to post anything else and ruin the run, but I saw this amazing documentary about monkeys I want to discuss, so I guess this thread is finished.


  167. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, I recall the time when rabble of Interpol thugs interviewed my harmless self after I inquired if the model posing with Karl Lagerfeld should not have ”slapped him around a little” (to bring some color or perhaps you say “colour”) to his un-dead looking mug. I should say “death mask”. Then, he’s got that Josef Geobbels hand thing. What is THAT? It looks like when the guy finally keels over, (any second now from the looks of it) just tip these photos ninety degrees back, and you’d save some scratch on the funeral. If I were his butler, I’d take the firing pin out of the Walther PPK he carts around, (for God knows what reason, probably to silence people who are only giving him advice for his own good…like me). Or there’s going to be a hailstorm of lead.Or at least a fusillade or two. I swear to God, even at the risk of a clod of brimstone whacking me on the noggin, (being a heathen), when I saw Karl. I inched my way behind him. I wanted to see if Kiera Knightly was sticking her hand into his blazer and manipulating a stick to animate the old fossil. So he could nod and like that. There was a fairly well known ventriloquist I knew from the old days right by Karl. I am fairly sure that’s why he wears those shades all time. He nods off at the drop of a hat. And did the caterer bring him an occasional glass of formaldehyde? Not that I have anything against him, it’s just that when he realized I was a Soviet, he told me brusquely to shut my “cake hole” when I offered him some constructive advice on his new line. Then he obviously showed the bulge in his pocket. He was hauling the P-38 he had in the SS! Must have been expecting the ghost of Gianni Versace to turn up. But all this is just a time between the findings at the Boondoggle foundry. They had a specter sensing company set up a camera in the place , near Mr.Boondoggle’s bed. In order to see if “evil spirits” were causing the fellow to freeze up, like the “Frozen Junkies”. of yore. Those horses are still clattering away with the hoofs. Sounds like Fatty Arbuckle tap-dancing down the street.


  168. yuri_nahl Says:

    The surveillance disk was taken away for further analysis, by a nerd employed by the “spirit company”.

    The corncensus of the people gathered in the foundry was either “mind control’ or some (un-specified) “spell or other”.

    The North Korean embassy was consulted in an attempt to get some Comrade who was a part of the “Manchurian Candidate” project , in which gracious invitations were extended to American soldiers who wished to become part of “Glorious People’s Democracy”. Alas, Manchurian Candidate project-leader had fallen out of favour with party and was now relegated to “Manchurian Rickshaw Driver” in hilly countryside.

    Friendly Comrade did say, that to him, sounded like “mind control”.

    Computer based “hex-breakers” were downloaded. Earphones were placed on Mr.Boondoggles’ head and the “hex-breaker” (similar to anti-computer -virus) was allowed to permeate his brain. This did not seem to be the correct “hex- breaker” for as a result of the faulty “hex breaker”, as Mr.Boondoggle kept trying to write checks to Church of The Holiest of Holies.

    Antidote spells were also tried.


  169. yuri_nahl Says:

    This was quandary, and all those present took a few draws on medicinal “spliff” or “blunt” to take edge off pins and needles.

    We can now say that the nerd’s returning, with a cloud of dandruff billowing from his pompadour, resembling the first snow of winter on endless steppe of beloved Motherland was “beginning of the end of the beginning” (to rob ‘Winnie’ of spirit of catchy phrase). This nerd was so suffused or permeated with “Personal Computer Encryption Community, scene or genre” he had learned “Morse Code” , and the Rosetta Stone transcription in Greek, Demotic, and hieroglyphic. and statistics regarding the five rotor Enigma Machine , and was working on the eight rotor Naval Enigma.

    He dashed in, foaming at the mouth, as if trying to emulate the transcendent minutes of Jean-Francois Champolio’s almost fatal run to tell his brother he had learned the secret of translating the stone. (Although some say he was running home because they didn’t have a crapper where he was cyphering, and had to take a leak.)


  170. yuri_nahl Says:

    Preferring to speak in private, and in an affected ” conspiratorial manner,” with many a glance over his shoulder, resulting in another subsequent dandruff blizzard when he whipped his head back in dramatic manifestation of acceptable “nerd mannerism” or “nerd ‘method'” (almost expected him to start yelling “Stella!”. The nerd, Clyde, spoke in gibberish at first, but calmed down after being prescribed a large “blunt” or “spliff” by the Afro-Caribbean doctor of Voodoo.(who also had a small tour business so White people could immerse themselves in the Rasta scene and forget absurd, meaningless, life-draining jobs they hated, for a while) He railed on till someone dropped a smallish anvil on his big toe.


  171. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, Clyde then explained, that ” the horses’ clattering hooves”, un-noticed by all of us, except maybe this just mentioned Rasta type chap, (but then,he was on hourly consulting fee). Clyde (doing codeswitch ) explained, in dialect of nerd-speak, that “The horse hoofs were not clattering simultaneously. He told “One horse taps, then another. One of them ,Dobbin, is most authoritative. (?) The others tend to bend to his will. “Yes, so what, are they ‘horse tap-dancing?'”, said a Medical Doctor. “Oh I forgot! In my excitement! They’re using Morse Code! ! !!!!!” We were happy he had allowed us into his computer code encrusted confidence, as drifts of dandruff were forming on his pocket protector, collection of different color (perhaps you say “colour”) ball point pens and upper lip.


  172. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, I have noticed Karl L.agerfeld’s unfortunate presence near the atelier. White complexion reveals identity-Also aforementioned chap seems to be trying to conceal some kind of machine pistol. I am therefore compelled to depart these premises, and will rejoin this tale of life in the foundry, in San Francisco, in the old shipyard neighborhood, when circumstance permits.


  173. “The horses were calmer”.

    I don’t want to suffer in my own depraved mind, Comrade Archaelogist Yuri_Nahl , so I will stay with an image of a montage of Dobbins and Bolivers gambolling through flowery meadows rather than the alternative scandal. Everytime another scandal threatens this picture of normal horses, one simply chooses two more Bolivers and Dobbins from the montage of endless happy scenes.

    But Yuri, please, don’t let me interrupt you. So you were speculating as to whether Lagerfeld is alive or not? Evidence he may have died I now submit before the court: It is a well known fact that Herr Lagerfeld has soemthing in the several thousands of followers on Twittter yet the Herr follows none. Why would thsbe so if he were not deceased? surely it has NOTHING to do with his aromatic ego?


  174. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrade Abigail. I was searching through You Tube for your email, because it seemed as if the Ark had sunk. I have had to go on an expedition, but hope to be able to finish the odyssey within next few days. If Karl is dead, then apparition was spirit of Lagerfeld haunting vicinity of your’s truly. Must carefully inspect last observed position for gooey substance left by ghosts. Although Karl may only be un-dead, rather than completely dead. I tried to reach one KGB colleague ,a spy of sorts also. But I am associated with GRU, military intelligence , so she may not wish to be seen with another spy. May also try and get your email from Paul. He is like “cut-out” in spy parlance.OK Comrade. I must say you are kind to write as life of spy can be lonely at times. I will return from barricades soon to bring some closure to narrative.ooxx


  175. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrade, quite rightly said.


  176. Dear Yuri, Unable to sleep, drinking single malt and listening to Gotterdammerung (Birgit Nilsson, Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau), I re-read your re-miniscences and spied (excuse the expression) a flaw. You have underestimated our equine friends. Although it is similar, I believe they were using Horse vs Morse code. When hoof-taps are not audible, they use verbal code of neighs and nickers. Except for French horses which use neighs only, having no use for nickers. Your nerd must have known this and is therefore in league with the horses – consider his codename Clyde(sdale). I suspect that “Dobbin” is none other than Sylvester Stallione, a violent by-product of the same secret genetic engineering program which produced the amiable Mr Ed. I have no idea what this means. More scotch may make things clearer. I will switch to my prized Afro-Caribbean Dance Club album (group later changed style/genre and shortened name to AC/DC)


  177. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrade, I am in debt to you again!


  178. God, you two, you’re like this savant circus of the imagination.


  179. Anonymous Says:

    März 13, 2010 um 12:27 am
    Yes to this babe. Love the shoes. I would like her to sit on my face.

    Hilarious, Comrades. she did have great shoes.


  180. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, in my confusion, forgot to state , previous dream may have been inspired by observation of “Japanese Research Ship ‘Patna Maru'”


  181. yuri_nahl Says:

    Now to return to the incident at the foundry we must remember that this is the time during which the amphibious aircraft was being readied for the jaunt which was to follow Amelia Earhart’s “Around the World Record Attempt” which led to her demise.
    Therefore we shall call this “The Time During Which the Aircraft Was Being Readied for the Around the World Jaunt”

    Now the nerd had just breathlessly run back to the foundry. As you recall, he was at a different location viewing the DVD a second time in case any subtle nuances of the ghostly-trade-craft had been missed. A system of vortices, made visual by the presence of many a dandruff flake so characteristic of the nerd idiom, followed him. (It was at this time a vacuum cleaner operator was hired and deployed to follow Clyde around as his dandruff was causing some of the people to have allergy and asthma attacks. This strong vacuum cleaner was in a losing battle to suck up the dandruff- storm, cyclone, hurricane, or monsoon.)

    Nevertheless, this nerd disclosed these extraordinary details: The chariot horses were tapping their hooves as a way to communicate in “Morse Code”

    These stallion communications were generally mocking the efforts of the team trying to diagnose the cause of the paralysis of Mr.Boondoggle and the temporary paralysis of the guard who was watching the foundry, against the possible invasion by poltergeists or manifestations of an otherworldly nature. He had been equipped with a mirror, crucifix, a copy of “The Lord’s Prayer” and a gun loaded with silver bullets.


  182. yuri_nahl Says:

    Curiously, this guard had retired into the bed containing Mr.Boondoggle, and the nurses!

    Remember if you will, that the nerd had previously mentioned that “the spirit detector” ” DVD had somehow reversed direction and this “reversing” was suspected to have been used to cover up a period of time which some unknown person had wished to cover up. (in this way, since there was a type of “continuity” to the recording, detection of the missing period would be harder, as the time stamp had disappeared in a mysterious manner. ) This was reminiscent of the “Nixon 18 minute gap of Watergate fame.”
    Now, at this time, the Voodoo practitioner, the doctor of Voodoo medicine, returned in a state of somewhat deshabille. I surmised he had availed himself to the lusty entertainments in the neighborhood, and had lost both his natty appearance and portmanteau which contained his potions, spells, and elixirs at some unknown hour of the night, probably while in some revelry or other, which the Jamaican chaps are sometimes know to have. Luckily he had had the presence of mind to secure his valuables on his person and he prescribed to himself a medicinal spliff or blunt to control the sine wave of moods prevailing.

    We ruminated the facts up till now. Horses tapping in Morse Code, sleeping personnel, horses watching Mr.Ed on TV. At this interregnum, the nerd Clive decided to re-play the DVD so that if there was anything lost on the second, perhaps it would be observed in the third.

    (just to mention in passing, the horses had ceased their infernal tapping and had begun whinnying at a low volume.)

    It was ascertained the horses had been watching “Mr.Ed” but switched to “Svengali and Trilby” after the caretakers had all gone to bed. This led to the question “How could horses change a DVD?” Did they have a “Tattoo” type butler who was just too short to be seen behind the stall walls.

    At the time the DVD player changed disks, the horses were heard to be “murmuring”. At higher volume and electronic filtering of ambient noise and excessive mouth noise from the horses, it was established, even though it was not a possibility, that the horses were speaking English.

    Now Mr.Boondoggle has watched my dog Momo at times when I was on a spy mission. In fact, the Boondoggles had him so much, he was like a time-share dog. He was close by this meeting and started barking and causing a general distraction.

    Clyde then had a brain event. He remembered that even though the “Ghost Remover” had recorded the events of the night, the foundry security system recorder had also been operating simultaneously, and this had been forgotten as we focused on the other DVD.
    The horses were becoming jittery, and Momo was asking to go wizz and then he went poo, right near this meeting. So we had to stop and take care of the animals.

    Clyde, being above these domestic proceedings, kept watching the DVD and fainted. He was treated with a whiff of medicinal ganja , and revived.

    He reported these astonishing facts. These were recorded on the foundry security system, not the “spirit remover one”…… When everyone left the previous evening, the horses all turned around in their stalls and frowned and focused on the nurses and guards. They seemed to beam a type of energy which could only be described as “hypnosis” and in the realm of “mind control” at this time, they also started murmuring in unison. It was hard to discern what they were saying, even though it was obvious they were speaking English. The staff then went to bed and slept. Momo turned up and seemed to be “herding” the horses, in a manner, as if by way of encouragement, or positively making them accomplish their tasks at hand. The horses let themselves out of their stalls and appeared to be moving boxes to their bales of hay storage place, hiding the boxes within the bales, then re-stacking the bales in a neat horse-like manner on top of their cartons.


  183. yuri_nahl Says:

    We let the horses out of their stalls and had them go to the pasture next to the foundry where they munched on their grass and other plants. Momo was forced out too as he seemed to be in cahoots with them.

    Removing the hay bales, we found hidden boxes of DVDs. A lot of them were entertainment DVDs. Such as all episodes of “Mr.Ed”, The Movie “Svengali and Trilby”, ”Dracula”, in various productions, “The Horse Whisperer”. Then also, “Video Professor DVDs” which are computer skills home education courses, how to configure a voice activated keyboard, Banking online, how to hack into secure data bases, famous hackers and their codes.

    This was in a pile of contraband which also contained a box which a large key keyboard had arrived in, and evidence of various cords which connected the components, including the laptop, TV, DVD player and their wireless modem to the TV cable, and thus the Internet. Momo had sneaked back into the foundry using guile, and was watching us as he pretended to sleep, but his eyes were partly open, and he was not twitching as he normally did when he had a romantic dream.

    Clyde replayed the foundry security DVD and this time tried to filter the sound. Dobbin, was shown, staring at the staff, compelling them to have a good sleep, not wake, and have no recollection of the action taking place during the night. He seemed to be using a “reverse evocation” process, and was holding an “upside-down-cross” in his mouth, waving it from side to side occasionally.

    Then the horses discussed the search for the cause of Mr.Boondoggles paralysis. They posited various schemes in which they would compel Mr.Boondoggle to regain consciousness (while forgetting the recent past), The bank transactions troubled them and they wondered out loud, had they covered their tracks sufficiently. As if reminiscing, they whinnied about how they had educated themselves in computer skills and language. They discussed Momo, what a stout fellow he had been, how he had taken the time to teach them rudiments of language, and the “how to” of planning a crime. …..How easy it was to hypnotize humans….. They also vowed to stick together through these travails, and spoke their pledge one by one, Dobbin, Boliver, Albert, and Rollo. All these things left us in a haze, trying to decide whether this was not a type of mass hysteria, or if we were in a “Twilight Zone” of an out of the box experience, a hell of talking animals, or a combination of the two.

    At this time, we partook of a medicinal spliff or blunt prescribed by the doctor of Voodoo healing arts.

    We could only speculate. We concluded that (as much as one can conclude about an unknown factor such as talking animals) that Momo had communicated to the horses that it was possible to hypnotize humans. We had revued the archive of foundry security DVDs to see if any of this was noticeable. Momo was stealthy , but an occasional word was heard as he discussed how he had learned how to hypnotize grandma into giving him her food , and buying deluxe cans of dog food and treats. Then the real breakthrough for him came while watching late night TV when a Video Professor infomercial came on. He realized if he could get a Video Professor Home Computer Skills Course, he could do great things. He needed a place to use as a computer lab and that’s where the horses came into the picture.

    It was then he started the horses on their language class. By watching “Mr.Ed” videos, the horses learned “human to horse” and “horse to human” language. Also, by playing the programs backward, they could hear the secret message that only horses could hear. (It was not anything to do with the Beatles or Ozzie Osbourn). By watching “Svengali and Trilby” they learned hypnosis skills, and “mind control”, “evocation”, “invocation”, (and how to reverse those processes) . By watching “Dracula” and “History Channel” when the Fuhrer Adolph Hitler was speaking, they learned the “power of the will”. Watching the “The Horse Whisperer”,they acquired the “human to horse” skill of “persuading horses” and by knowing this, they reversed it into “horse persuading humans”, or as they put it “reverse horse whispering”. This “reverse horse whispering”, plus their hypnosis skills allowed them to manipulate humans with “mind control”. Evidence of this were the piles of special oats and horse treats they started to be served in great abundance.


  184. I’m dizzy! So Momo has been doing the steering, the horses have been doing the heavy lifting and it’s all a fiendish plot? But why was Boondoggle frozen? Where is the Patna Maru? And is there a relationship between Patna on the Ganges (or Ganga) and your consumption of Ganja?

    I suspect that Voodoo has more to do with this than you may think. A Houngan of my acquaintance told me that although Loas prefer to ride (or possess) willing humans, they could also ride animals. The very word used in the Voodoo services suggests horses, does it not? These nags may be none other than Baron Samedi, Erzuli, Damballa Weydo and Papa Legba. Does any of the horses wear a top hat with holes for the ears? Do they show a preference for Rum?

    Of course they may simply be the Four Horses of the Apocalypse, amusing themselves until it’s time for their Masters to destroy us all?


  185. yuri_nahl Says:


    Comrade, I may have to put your name on the cover too! You are too kind again.


  186. yuri_nahl Says:

    http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/5495849 Comrades, the hummingbird nest is attacked by a lizard.


  187. yuri_nahl Says:


    lizard attack.


  188. May I please have everyone’s attention ?

    I know yuri_nahl personally – we have fought in battles shoulder by shoulder, and I have even combed his hair. I just want to make it clear that everything he says here is TRUE. These all are actual accounts of the human condition, let there be no mistake about it…


  189. paulboylan Says:

    We believe you, tfreel, and cherish Yuri.


  190. I always admired Yuri’s Spartan prose – now I know why. If Yuri turned up at my antipodean door, I would invite him in as an honoured guest. I might disinfect the chairs afterwards, but he would be welcome none the less.


  191. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, you have increased your fame! And I thank you for your as always generous compliments, but I always hang a couple of air fresheners on myself when out in public. I fear that Dobbin and the other horses have become addicted to cannabis. They have been influenced by the flight crew who are Rastas. Only the world renowned Momo is sober. I can’t remember why he is sober, but he has managed to escape the clutches of the “Reefer Madness”. I will report on this cruise (in the “Spirit of Getting There Eventually” their aircraft), as the story unfolds. Right now they have spotted an aircraft just like theirs, and will land soon to check it out. They are in India, pursuing their movie career, soon to film the new “Mr.Ed in India” TV show.


  192. yuri_nahl Says:

    Comrades, I forgot, but just to calm any fear you may have, I have my own box of those giant mints found in urinals, and I always stuff a couple in my underwear, as insurance.


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  200. greybeard3 Says:

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