HEADLINE: Fracking chemicals in NE Pa. water wells
CHICAGO – A recent study concludes that much of Pennsylvania’s ground water is contaminated with toxic chemicals.
“Our fracking water is full of fracking toxic chemicals,” said Julius Zimmer, rural Pennsylvanian farmer. “We are all totally fracked,” he added.
“Yeah, we are fracked,” agreed Henry Clompton, homeowner and member of the Pennsylvanian Green Party. “But it is the fracking fault of the fracking chemical companies. They totally fracked up.”
“I’m fracked?” asked Ted Pimple, Director of Public Relation at Uranus Corporation. “No, you’re fracked,” he said, poking his finger at this reporter.
“I’m not fracked,” corrected Zimmer. “That jerk is the one who is fracked. He is totally fracked up.”
“Is “fracked” code for “f**ked?” asked Linda Penter, Chairman of the Polite American Foundation, a non profit corporation. “Frack” certainly sounds like “f**k” when used in most contexts,” Penter observed politely.