HEADLINE – Will Kate Middleton wear a tiara for the royal wedding?

Yes, friends, this is a real headline. Don’t believe me? Click here and see for yourself. WRk

But, in all honesty, who really gives a flying f**k?  Anyone?  Really?  If you do, you desperately need to get a life, or a hobby, or something to occupy your abysmally vacant mind.

HEADLINE – Will Paul Boylan wear a tiara when he eats breakfast tomorrow morning?

Posted in Anyone enraptured by royal weddings is an idiotdadadisembodied heads of the rich and famousHapax LegomenonHeadlineHeadlinesI have a bridge for sale you simply must purchase!I’m not kiddingmorbidly obese celebritiesNewsPaying AttentionPop CulturePost Modern Knock-Knock JokesSemi Fake NewsStupid PeopleThe Wilhelm ScreamTravelWhat are you sick or something?Why do people in other countries talk funny?

DAVIS – Should Paul Boylan don a tiara tomorrow when he eats his customary morning bowl of bran cereal, he will be joining a tradition which goes all the way back to the leaders of ancient Persia. “The upright tiara, the privileged head-dress of the Persian Kings while eating breakfast,” quotes the Oxford English Dictionary from a 19th Century history book. The word comes from Greek, and partly Italian, via Latin. As if it matters. Which it doesn’t, but we put that bit of trivia here because, well, just because we have a lot of space to fill and very little to say and wikipedia is just so darned easy to access, even though it is likely it isn’t very accurate or even truthful.

But we digress. What were we talking about?  Oh yeah, tiaras.  According to wikipedia, notables from popes to princesses have been wearing tiaras for centuries when they eat breakfast, and it is rumored that Boylan has a treasure trove of tiaras that have been passed down from generation to generation of some notable family that one of Boylan’s ancestors robbed blind sometime in the early 18th Century. Tiaras are properly worn not only while eating bran cereal – because bowel health is important, especially for the elderly – tiaras are an essential part of anyone’s breakfast wardrobe. There’s the spectacular “Indian” tiara, made for Queen Victoria, and worn by Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother when she ate a large bowl of stewed prunes for breakfast during her State Visit to France in 1933. The bowl she ate from was chinese porcelain from the Ming Dynasty period, or at least that is what it says on wikipedia. It is widely rumored the Queen Mum ate those prunes using her hands with great gusto, audibly manifesting her pleasure, and the resulting mess caused undue embarrassment due to French ridicule over the brown goo covering the Queen Mum’s face and hands coupled with the loud “yummy sounds” she made as she ate, resulting in a pivotal loss of British prestige and influence and quite possibly contributing to Hitler’s rise due to the resulting European power vacuum, but those rumors cannot be verified.

NEXT:  Gaddafi performs puppet show for children.

The broken wall, the burning roof and tower, and Agamemnon dead.


15 Responses to “HEADLINE – Will Kate Middleton wear a tiara for the royal wedding?”

  1. STrikert009 Says:

    OK I admit that part about the Queen Mum wearing a tiara while eating stewed prunes with her hands and loving it and it causing world war 2 is pretty funny.


  2. I say! Steady on old chap. Lese majeste and all that. I think the problem with you break-away colonial chappies is that far too many of you descended from Irish hobbledehoys and still feel aggrieved about that famine thingy. And of course you’re jealous. That whole messy business in 1776 was a huge mistake y’know. We quietly abolished slavery in, oh 1839 was it? Imagine what a difference it would have made to your history if you’d still been part of the jolly old empire. And some of the dear old royals might even have married American gels. Or at least taken them as mistresses. Now if young Victoria had married some handsome Bostonian instead that feeble German chappie, you could forget about the Great War. Hmm. There might be a book in this. See you later.


  3. CanaryWarf5 Says:

    You are a sick, sick man. A sick man, creating images of the Queen Mum grunting with pleasure as she stuffs her face with stewed fruit like a mountain gorilla wearing a tiara and, by doing so, contributing to if not causing the rise of Hitler and, indirectly, the Holocaust. You are a sick man who should be deeply ashamed of himself indeed.


  4. Like

  5. paulboylan Says:

    Oh, my God, Janelle. You just blew my mind. Possibly the coolest thing I’ve seen in many years – and I’ve devoted my life to collecting, experiencing cool things. Thank you.

    I will respond to the rest of you as soon as I sober up – which may take a while to do.


  6. yeah, Janelle’s link kinda derailed my thought process as well


  7. Flinthart Says:

    It’s people like YOU who ruined Monarchy for the entire US of A a couple hundred years ago. Honestly! Have you no sense of proportion and propriety?

    Besides, you missed the really important question: will Charlie Sheen blog the Royal Wedding, and if so, how much cocaine will he snort first?


  8. Would the British Monarchy, our Monarchy, survive Tim Minchin performing his comedy ditties between speeches at the wedding reception? Or will we see kate;s boobies? I only asked the last question so I could write “boobies”. There, did it again and I’m now happy.
    Striker – you’re right. It was very amusing.


  9. I had chocolate crackles for breakfast. Was it wrong of me to wear the informal tiara?

    Oh, and a word of warning. If consuming high fibre breakfast cereals, remember to remove your tiara before performing the concomitant voiding of the bowels. Tiaras have a habit of falling off when you bend over to wipe. Or so I’ve heard.


  10. Glad you all enjoyed the link; I must tell my daughter who shared it with me.

    Which reminds me, my little princess is still at a lost to know how to ask for what she calls “real brown bread not the crappy stuff they have in the dining hall for toast and sandwiches, it looks and tastes more like white bread dyed brown.”

    I don’t know about the rest of America but you must understand that here on the west coast of the good ol’ U S of A– one of the parts of the former empire that speak English and some of us are darn proud of that fact and of the fact that we no longer worry about your monarchy– we are used to 13 kinds of bread, 25 coffee choices, 33 … well you get the point.

    Soooo, she was a bit disappointed with the bread served to her at her new lodgings and couldn’t remember which term to use to ask for the good stuff, as she has been assured that they would very much like to accommodate her there in fair Australia. I of course was at a loss, I answered her question, but knowing of course that it may be of no use because for some reason some parts of the English speaking world get to call a trunk a boot.

    And I gave her a quick history lesson, that in our next of the woods not long ago there were no bagels, no whole wheat, cracked wheat, dark rye, light rye, sourdough, facaccia, pita, wraps…. But that was a long time ago. I told her of a political fundraiser when I helped get bagels bought and put on a bus to be delivered from that fairest of cities, San Francisco. It would have been a money maker up on campus… but we enjoyed all the surplus from our table at the 4th of July celebration where they were looked at as unAmerican.

    Greybeard, rumor has it that a few of our gals, those with money, did return to the mother land to look for and find a title.

    paulboylan, You deserve an answer, but I don’t have the foggiest notion about tiara tradition, but I do wonder about you wearing a tiara rather than a more manly crown, but hey to each his own. Or perhaps there is more to the story than meets the eye. You being Greek and all, you probably know more about the word.


  11. oops, that ‘neck’ not ‘next’


  12. We’re pretty much white bread in these parts. Except those small enclaves where we aren’t. As recompense we do have several brands of peanut butter which is excellent in covering up the fact that the bread may be crap. Mind you, overproof rum is an outstanding alternative to cardboard bread.


  13. Thanks anyway, Therbs. I will spare you her description of the peanut butter in the dining hall. But as you say there is more to the place and she is having a wonderful time.

    Being a 20 minute bus ride from the ocean she had her first ocean swim. A notable occasion for one who grew up 20 minutes from the Pacific; unfortunately here it is not very inviting, even when aren’t tsunami surges.

    And ah, yes, the drinking age is younger, but I think I’ll not mention the overproof rum.


  14. namerequired Says:

    wait, if you don’t care why are you making this into a blog circus?

    reason: you have nothing going on in your life.

    (logic: bloggers are retards.)


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