HEADLINE – FDA claims no need to test Pacific fish for radioactivity

FDA spokesperson Vinny Slimp

WASHINGTON D.C. – North Pacific fish are so unlikely to be contaminated by radioactive material from the crippled nuclear plant in Japan that there’s no reason to test them, state and federal officials said this week.

“I personally smelled a fish that came out of the Pacific that looked like it could have been Japanese and could detect no radiation whatsoever,” said FDA spokesperson Vinny Slimp. The Food and Drug Administration has oversight of the nation’s food supplies.

“Based on the work they’re doing, no sampling or monitoring of our fish is necessary,” Slimp said. “We also consulted with a really good psychic that works for the North Pacific Fish Foundation who told us to tell everyone to eat all the Pacific fish they want and that no testing is necessary.”  The North Pacific Fish Foundation is an advocacy and lobbying group that represents the sea food industry and works closely with the FDA to provide guidance on sea food safety regulations. 

“Fish is good for you even if it is radioactive,” said Rocko Vincenchi, Associate Director of the Food Safety Advisory Board. “Like the chemicals in drinking water from plastic bottles and dyes in foods, there is nothing bad, per se, about radiation.  We got radiation everywhere. You walk outside and you get hit with radiation from the sun. That’s right, from the sun. Solar energy and radiation are the same thing.  Besides, fish got all that healthy fish oil in them, so the more radiated fish you eat the more you will be protected from radiation in the fish!” Vincenchi said, then quickly added “but I’m not saying there is any radiation in any fish. The FDA says there is no need for testing so that means there ain’t no radiation,  right?”

Rocko Vincenchi

The Food Safety Advisory Board is an advocacy/lobbying organization supported financially by the food industry and is dedicated to repealing food safety regulations.




3 Responses to “HEADLINE – FDA claims no need to test Pacific fish for radioactivity”

  1. Greybeard Says:

    I have not eaten fish for many years since discovering that it is “brain food”. My brain is so immense that any increase in size could be catastrophic. Thus I avoid learning, scholarship, all matters of substance, try to forget one more thing every day and only read blogs like this one. As my head has not so far exploded, this regimen appears to have been successful.


  2. Hell if the organisation set up to lobby for the food industry says the food is okay to eat then thats good enough for me. Weren’t they the same group that were mentioned as represented the meat industry in Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle?


  3. So what, a few tuna fish might get an extra fin? No problem with that, it makes for more seafood gruel to go into cat food and hog slop. But what if the Japanese get scared of eating the seafood, what happens next? They get all hungry and decide to raid the Singapore night food markets. Next stop is Harry’s Cafe de Wheels down at Woolloomoolloo and we ain’t got any meat pies left. I didn’t die in three wars to let that happen, so I’m with those FDA guys. They be Good Men and True.


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