HEADLINE – “Birthers” attack Obama for releasing birth certificate

A prominent crazy person hooting like a loon on Fox News.

Donald Trump hooting like a loon for an audience in Las Vegas.

Sara Palin hooting like a loon for supporters in Boston

John Boehner hooting like a loon in Washington D.C.

Rick Perry hooting like a loon in Texas.

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia hooting like a loon.

Michelle Bachmann hooting like a loon in Cleveland, Ohio

Mitt Romney hooting like a loon in Spartanburg, South Carolina.

MUNCIE – Republican leaders on Thursday slammed President Obama’s release of his detailed birth certificate as a distraction from the issue of whether or not he was born in the United States.

“Its a distraction from our distraction,” said Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Preibus said on “CNN Newsroom,” referring to Obama’s decision to release his long-form birth certificate.

Reince Preibus with a silly big hammer. Like the kind of hammer a judge uses in court, but way bigger.

“The whole ‘show us your birth certificate’ thing was the greatest non issue in American political history, totally distracting millions of people from the real issues,” Preibus continued. “It’s maddening that the President would put an end to our yelling and screaming for him to show us his birth certificate by actually disproving our idiotic charges – charges that have never been made against any other sitting president or any candidate for the presidency.”

Born in Panama, but his citizenship has never been questioned.

“Well, that isn’t entirely true,” Preibus then admitted. “There was a persistent rumor that Grover Cleveland was born in Canada.”

Probably Canadian.

“But no one made an issue of it because Cleveland wasn’t …. he wasn’t like Obama,” Preibus said and ran off.

Preibus running away.

Most birthers feel the issue is not settled: “Okay, so he was born in Hawaii,” said Donald Trump, billionaire birther and possible Republican presidential candidate.

Donald Trump reacts to Obama proving he was born in Hawaii.

“But science has proven that the blacks, they just aren’t good in school. How could Obama go to Harvard much less be president?”

It just doesn’t seem possible.

“It just doesn’t make scientific sense. I am prepared to show that a black man couldn’t possibly have been smart enough to go to Harvard, and to prove it I have investigators researching Obama’s elementary school report cards.  The word is his grades were bad, very bad. The word is he failed gym because he wouldn’t play dodge ball, which is exactly what someone born in Kenya would do. The word is that Kenyans hate dodge ball.”

Everybody knows Africans prefer basketball.

“The only way a black man could get into Harvard is through Affirmative Action, so all the stories about Obama being a smart negro are clearly a fraud,” Trump concludes.

Trump, quoting “The Bell Curve” and loving it.

“Heck, do they even let those people go to college?” asked Marilyn Davenport, a Republican official in Southern California. “They didn’t allow that sort of thing in my day,” Davenport said.

Marilyn Davenport, arguing in favor of repealing the Voting Rights Act.

“It’s all fun, it’s all a circus, it’s all a rodeo, until it starts to smack of racism. And then it’s no longer fun,” late night talk show host David Letterman said.

“We dwell in a time when buffoons are elevated and presidents are compelled to respond to the jester. These circumstances cannot bode well for the republic,” said Kathleen Parker of the Washington Post.

“It’s not about proving anything that’s real. It’s about demonizing someone, in this case the president of the United States, by pursuing a lie under the guise of pursuing the truth. Some of the foot soldiers in this illicit campaign may be stupid, but the intent behind it is clearly thought out. If you don’t move away from it, you stand with bigotry and stupidity. We need to shine a light on those who, in the name of patriotism, defile the ideas they pretend to defend,” said Marcos Benton, in an editorial for the Sacramento Bee.

“This isn’t over,” declared Orly Taitz, real estate agent, plumber, soon-to-be-disbarred attorney and self proclaimed “Queen” of the birther movement.

Wait for it….

“I have a piece of paper that proves Obama is Hitler, Stalin and Martha Stewart,” Taitz said just prior to her head exploding from natural causes.







18 Responses to “HEADLINE – “Birthers” attack Obama for releasing birth certificate”

  1. Oh I love it … and really I think this is EXACTLY what is going to happen next. Right down to the exploding head.


  2. I think that if you want to join a spy agency you have to deal the government going through your history with a pair of tweezers and an anal probe. I reckon if you want to be the boss of every spy agency, police, armed forces, and receive a 25% MacDonalds discount card on the continental – and its territories – your background might equal to, or greater than, that of being a spy. I reckon they probably covered where he was born as part of that probe into his … uh … background.


  3. Barnesm Says:

    Seriously the ‘birthers’ need to get life.


  4. paulboylan Says:

    These people aren’t conservatives. They aren’t really Republicans. They are idiots, and I wish the GOP would repudiate them. If Ann Coulter can do it, then the rest of the GOP should be able to do it, too.

    But they won’t. And that is very, very sad.


  5. The state of Hawaii doesn’t normally release the original birth certificate. If you request a copy, you would usually be issued an official extract. This also happens in just about every state in Australia. (Despite the fact that most Australian government agencies refuse to accept extracts as Proof Of Identity). This leads me to conclude that Hawaii is, in fact, an Australian state. As proof, I offer two undeniable facts:

    1 – the perfect Hawaiian beaches. Everyone knows the best beaches in the world are in Australia. Ergo, the perfect Hawaiian beaches must be in Australia.
    2 – Nicole Kidman. She was born in Hawaii, and everyone says she’s Australian.

    I’d also mention that Australians are delusional, so Elvis purportedly living in Hawaii should also be proof. But then I discovered that he also purportedly works at a Burger King franchise in Des Moines, so it’s obvious Americans are just as delusional as Australians.

    Seeing as Barrack Obama is delusional, likes beaches, and was born in Hawaii, he is obviously an Australian and should be removed from office immediately. In fact, we Australians demand that you return our indigenous brother immediately. Football season has started, and Aborigines are better at playing Rugby League than White fellas, so we need him more than you do.


  6. Catty, that is an insightful analysis. You are absolutely on fire today. What is the name of those painkillers again?


  7. Nicole Kidman? Bitch!.


  8. paulboylan Says:

    Yes, but a sexually desirable bitch. I think that counts for something.


  9. My Dad says he doesn’t like Obama because he is a bad president. But my Dad doesn’t like this stuff because he say it makes conservatives look racist.


  10. Panno1958 Says:

    Hey! That isn’t Grover Cleveland! That’s Chester A. Arthur. What kind of a blog is this?


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  12. Think you’ll get a giggle outta this, Prof. Boylan. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gv_44QQMcGo


  13. paulboylan Says:

    Already saw it. My sense of humor on this issue isn’t what it should be. Obama’s “attention” won’t end the problem. I think he doesn’t wants to end it. He’s bating the lunatic fringe, betting that the mainstream GOP will continue to shy away from controlling the idiots. Already, in response, the lunatic fringe of the republican party is scrambling to concoct even more ridiculous theories to discredit Obama, which will ultimately serve to force the average American to align with Obama in the same way McCain’s choosing Palin forced the average American to vote for Obama.


  14. which will ultimately serve to force the average American to align with Obama in the same way McCain’s choosing Palin forced the average American to vote for Obama.

    Fine by me!!!!


  15. paulboylan Says:

    The less onerous choice isn’t much of a choice. The American voters gave George Bush a second term only because they knew that John Kerry would be worse, not because they knew Bush was the right man for the job.

    If things continue the way they are going, Obama will have a second term, even though his approval ratings will be very, very low – because the alternative the GOP presents is unthinkable.


  16. Diverticulitis is unpleasant Says:

    It’s arduous to find educated folks on this subject, but you sound like you understand what you’re speaking about! Thanks




  18. paulboylan Says:

    Exactly. If our president wasn’t black, none of this would be happening.


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