HEADLINE – Jesus returns, punches Bieber

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MUNCIE, Indiana – In what is being described as a Christmas miracle, Jesus Christ returned from the dead, punched pop star Justin Bieber in the face, and then vanished.

“Bieber’s version of Little Drummer Boy made Jesus really angry,” said Jesus spokesman, Pope Benedict, in Rome.

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12 Responses to “HEADLINE – Jesus returns, punches Bieber”

  1. I wish he’d stuck around. There’s a lot more punchin’ to be done you know.

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  2. I think He kicked Bieber, too. I don’t blame Him.

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  3. Lucifer wouldn’t have punched Bieber, I can’t think of exactly what he would have done to Bieber but it would have been waaay cooler than what Jesus did.

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  4. Heck no. I have it on very good infernal authority that all they have is Bieber as the background music in the Eighth Circle.

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  5. I thought it was Nickelback.

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  6. No, no, Nickelback is in the Third Circle.

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  7. Jesus is angry is angry against that you are doing bad thing you denie jesus in the if you not change jesus will denie you in the heaven

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  8. Sorry, Victory, but I am forced to disagree. I talk to Jesus every day and he told me you are wrong. Seriously. He told me you have been wrong your whole life and live in a maze of semi psychotic delusions.

    But the good news is that Jesus loves you anyway. He told me that. But he also asked that I advise you not to judge anyone, that you avoid predicting who will and will not be allowed to enter heaven. He made it very clear that he didn’t want any of us to judge but for some reason you didn’t get that simple message, so He asked me to remind you.

    Please understand that He isn’t ordering you to stop judging people. That isn’t His way. He is merely advising you to stop judging people and deciding who is and who is not a Christian, or a good Christian, or who is ultimately entitled to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus asked me to remind you that no man or woman can know that, and that everyone – and he means Everyone – is worthy of His love, is entitled to forgiveness, and is capable of achieving Paradise.

    Oh yeah, and Jesus asked me to further advise you to seek professional help. Jesus suspects that you could benefit from certain medications.

    [By the way, He thinks this post was really funny. Seriously. He told me so himself. That made me feel good. It isn’t every day you can foster a smile like that.

    He really, really likes comedians – which makes sense if you think about it. Laugher is a gift of love, and if Jesus was about anything, He was and is about love.]

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  9. Lol what the... Says:

    Um… If you don’t mind me saying… What the crud! Yeah, Justin beiber kinda *vandalized* the pure song, but whaaat?

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  10. Catholic gurll Says:

    Um I’m sorry but you shouldn’t judge. And it’s kind of not cool when you say things like that… We are supposed to love Christ and everyone he blesses us with. We are blessed with bieber because:
    1. He has amazing vocals. Period. No “his voice sounds like a girl!”s. Then how is he so popular? Hmm?
    2. Justin Bieber is a pretty good role model. He found something he liked and he stuck with it.
    So there.
    Justin Bieber is a good boy and deserves to be respected.

    Me

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  11. breaking Christian news online

    HEADLINE – Jesus returns, punches Bieber | PEOPLE OF EARTH: ATTENTION

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  12. worldwide Christian news

    HEADLINE – Jesus returns, punches Bieber | PEOPLE OF EARTH: ATTENTION

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