IN MEMORIAM: KIM JONG IL

Kim Jong Il – the absolute ruler of North Korea – the last Stalinist regime – is dead.  North Korean news sources are presenting competing stories about his death.

Some say he was killed saving orphans from shoe factories in South Korea.  Others say he died fighting off alien invaders bent on enslaving the North Korean people.  Still others say he passed away peacefully in his sleep after saving orphans enslaved  to work in shoe factories owned by capitalist western alien invaders.

Whatever the cause, Kim Jong Il is dead, and I will always remember him as a guy who liked to clown around.

“One of these things is not like the other…”

.

.

When Kim smiled, his generals smiled with him, or else they faced execution.

.

From Kim’s short-lived television variety show “Wassup Korea?”

.

Kim made his troops do this. I bet he laughed and laughed.

Kim Jong Il will be remembered for being a dictator who really appreciated a woman in uniform, and due to that appreciation, he always made sure lots and lots of women in uniforms he himself designed were around him.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

In addition to his apparent fetish for leggy women in military attire, Kim Jong Il was also a guy with eclectic interests.

Kim was fascinated with soap.

.

.

He just loved stopping to take the time to read the label on a soy sauce bottle.

.

.

Kim may have been the ruthless despotic leader of a Stalinist kleptocracy, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a keen appreciation for cafeteria food.

.

.

Kim often stood staring at corn for hours while his entourage patiently waited for him to come out of his corn induced trance.

.

 .

The following photo reveals the very soul of Kim Jong Il.

.

.

Kim dreamed  of a bright future where North Korea would lead  he world in the production of the very weirdest blow up sex dolls.

.

.
And, finally, Kim will be remembered as a man obsessed with making the perfect salad.

.

We will miss Kim Jon Il, and will remember him as a spectacular human zero.

.

9 Responses to “IN MEMORIAM: KIM JONG IL”

  1. The passing of a great comrade.

    Like

  2. We must pick ourselves up and try to go on. He would want us to remember the good times: the salad days, as you have so accurately depicted.

    Do you think Christopher Hitchens is up there waiting to smack him in the chops? Or have I got all this “atheists and the afterlife” thing completely arse about?

    Like

  3. You liar, I’ve seen photos of Kim Jong Il resisting reading the labels on soy sauce bottles.

    I know we aren’t suppose to speak ill of the dead but Frack me the world is better off with him out of it.

    Like

  4. Beloved leader* is gone! How am I going to select salad vegetables from now on?

    *a TV station (SBS) late news bulletin had the newsreader actually say ‘beloved leader’ in the report. Huzzah for the SBS autocue writers.

    Like

  5. Correction to above. She actually said ‘dear leader’, not ‘beloved leader’.

    Like

  6. Got a thing for Asian porn myself at the mo. Dunno what that’s about.

    Like

  7. You want me to explain?

    Like

  8. Part of me does, part of me is quietly hesitant…

    Like

  9. A reasonable ambivalence.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: