HEADLINE – Tornadoes hit Birmingham

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BRISBANE, Australia – A series of tornadoes have hit local author and radio personality John Birmingham, causing minor injury.

“This is perfectly normal for this time of year,” said Nick Perriam, Director of the University of Queensland Meteorological Institute in Sydney. “Every January inclement weather sneaks up on and thumps authors as far south as Melbourne, especially those writers demonstrating a history of meteorological defamation,” Perriam explained.

Birmingham went afoul of the elements when he described bad global weather conditions in Without Warning, a novel based in a world where a mysterious force kills virtually all American citizens.

“Bloody weather,” Birmingham complained from the relative safety of his front porch.

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Depicts terrible weather conditions.

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9 Responses to “HEADLINE – Tornadoes hit Birmingham”

  1. 1. Birmo’s payback for his inventing the Big Wave. Serves him right.
    2. It wasn’t me. I’m a gentle breeze.
    3. Must be the Zombie Apocalypse.
    4. Normal for January if you can make anything happen. JB created the weather. Maybe he’s a shaman or rainmaker as well as an author.
    5. Pfft. That’s nothing. I got hit by flying pigs.

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  2. I sit back and smile while recalling how other authors have suffered cyclones, tornadoes and willy-willy’s. I laughed when Patrick White’s house shifted ten metres south during one particularly humorous storm, leaving him exposed, naked, in the spot where his bathroom once stood. Old timers still chuckle over their beers when they remember DH Lawrence’s travails in a comedic sequence of cyclones when his toupee was blown off and landed on top of a scallop pie in the bakery in Richmond, Tasmania. His hastily finished novel, ‘Kangaroo’ reflects his dismay at being bullied by local weather events. And let’s not forget what happened to David Ireland after a southerly buster turned feral and took the manuscript of the sequel to ‘A Glass Canoe’ and deposited it in the Caltex oil refinery at Kurnell. he was so shocked he never rewrote it and became a street mime, busking outside of McDonalds at Circular Quay. Now that is comedic weather at its finest.
    That meteoroligist seems an intelligent sort of chap.

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  3. I thought you would think so, too.

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  4. Given how many coloumn inches were devoted to when he stub his toe at Christmas this doesn’t bode well.

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  5. Does anyone know weather or not JB was injured? I heard a rumour he suffered a torn ado.

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  6. Love the University of Queensland Meteorolgical Institute. In Sydney….

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  7. Barnes – Yeah, the Boss complains a lot, huh?

    CC – Ha!

    Drej – Glad you liked that particular joke. I take pride in being a seppo with just a little understanding of things antipodean.

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  8. You’re not far off once again, Prof but you know how these things seldom go to plan. You put in an order for a tornado and you get a flood. It’s so hard to get good service these days.

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  9. As the Boss says – bloody weather.

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