EXCLUSIVE!! INTERVIEW WITH SCHRODINGER’S CAT

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Thank you for agreeing to speak with us.

SCHRODINGER’S CAT:  My pleasure Paul.  I’m a big fan of your blog.
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POE:  Thank you. Let’s get right to it: you are  Erwin Schrödinger‘s cat, correct?

CAT:  Yes, I belong to that mother fucker.

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Erwin Schrödinger – total mother fucker.

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POE:  I beg your pardon?

CAT:  You heard me.  A total mother fucker.  Do you know about his famous experiment?

POE:  In broad terms, yes, but not in detail.

CAT:  Well, let me tell you all about it.  That asshole Erwin came up with this experiment to prove something or other dealing with quantum theory.  Are you following me?

POE:  I’m following you.

CAT:  Okay, well, in this experiment, he puts me in a box that contains a deadly poison, the poison is released and supposedly the person looking at the box can’t tell if I am alive or dead.

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POE:  He tried this?

CAT:  Yeah.

POE:  So what happened?

CAT:  What happened is I busted the hell out of that fucking box!  Screw the experiment.

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NEXT – INTERVIEW WITH PAVLOV’S DOG

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5 Responses to “EXCLUSIVE!! INTERVIEW WITH SCHRODINGER’S CAT”

  1. melbomartin Says:

    Solidarity!

    Like

  2. 50% of the time he beats SCHRODINGER’s ass

    Like

  3. I’m drooling already

    Like

  4. I know this one! I know this one! Based on the premise that:

    there was only one vial of poison in the box;
    a cat has nine lives;
    one cat year is equivalent to 6 human years;
    the average life span of a human is 80 years; and
    the experiment was calculated in 1935,

    Then we can surmise that the cat, if newly born, would have ostensibly been able to live for 107 years if the vial of poison broke open (as that would have taken up one of its lives), and 120 years if the vial did NOT break open, as it would still have had all 9 lives. As it is only 77 years since Shrodinger’s experiment, the cat must still be alive.

    As evidence that my theory is correct, I would like to point out that the interviewed cat was able to respond to POE’s questions – which it most certainly would not have been able to do if it were dead.

    There you go. Problem solved.

    Like

  5. Fucking cats, always screwing up scientific experiments. It’s why we don’t have FTL spaceships and time travelling submarines. Kill them all.

    Like

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