WHY OBAMA WON – THE UNVARNISHED TRUTH
The following essay contains factual statements that are contrary to the world view of neo-conservatives who supported Mitt Romney’s campaign for president of the United States. The introduction of these facts into the neo-conservative mind could result in neurological disruption possibly including but not limited to cranial explosion. If you are a neo-conservative who supported Romney’s presidential candidacy, please exercise caution when reading this essay, including but not limited to reading this essay in private or in a location separate from other people who could be injured when your head explodes.
My fellow Republicans, I share your dismay and depression. You watched the returns coming in as the champagne chilled. You were utterly certain that Romney would not just win, but would win big. You were utterly certain that the bad dream that was and is Obama was finally over.
As the night progressed, you kept the faith. You denied the results, you got angry at those who suggested the truth. You simply could not accept the reality of what was happening and agreed with Fox reporter Ed Henry, reporting from Obama headquarters, as he observed: “The crowd is near pandemonium now, despite the fact that unemployment is hovering near 8 percent.”
But Obama won. And now, in the cold light of day, we ask ourselves why. We ask ourselves how this could happen? Every effort was made to assure a different result.
We had a network (Fox)hon our side,/faithfully spinning every single event to support Romney and to demonize Obama.
We hadhagressive voter suppression efforts/in every swing state controlled by a Republican legislature.
Wehblocked every attempt Obama made/to fix the economy he inherited, and successfully blamed him for not fixing it.
Wehdenied Obama any meaningful achievement/as president, denying him any record to run on – leaving the economy as the only real issue of any importance for the voters to consider.
Wehdemonized/his only accomplishment – the only one we let him have – ash“Obamacare.”/
We created a grand, unstoppable coalition – a visible army – of uneducated racists, misogynists, homophobes, false
Christians,/andhpeople who don’t trust “science.”/ And did I mention homophobes?/Hatred for homosexuals really, really energizes and unites the GOP lunatic fringe.
But despite all of this and more, we still lost. And now, as we drink our morning coffee (tea is for liberal pussies) we struggle with figuring out why this happened. And, as is our nature, we will look for someone to blame.
Don’t bother. I will tell you why we lost. We lost because we tried to sell something to the American people that ultimately could not be sold. We tried to tell the American people that a dumb guy was a smart guy. We tried to sell the American people horse shit by dressing it up as a nutritious energy bar. But the American political process couldn’t keep people far enough away to prevent them from noticing the smell.
The central message we sent to the American people is that Mitt Romney was a smart guy who used his smarts to get rich, and that, as president, he would use his smarts to make us all rich, too.
Don’t get me wrong – that is one slick and appealing central message. Who doesn’t want to be rich? We all do. And we are willing to believe that some guy who is rich can whisper the secret into our ear and tell us how to be rich, too. I would vote for anyone who I truly believed knew the secret of making lots of money and, if I voted for them, would tell me how they did it so I could do it, too.
But that whole sales pitch depends on me also believing that they guy with the secret is smart. If I find out he isn’t all that smart – and is, in fact, sort of stupid – then the whole thing falls apart.
That’s what happened with Mitt. As time went by, evidence began to mount that Mitt wasn’t really all that smart. Mostly, he said a lot of stupid things. For example:
He made incoherent statements abouthwhy he loves America/– I mean, trulyhincoherent.g
He said that 49 percent of the American people are leeches he doesn’t care about.
He said that “corporations are people, my friend.”
He complained that the windows in passenger jetshcouldn’t open/to allow fresh air in.
He said he loves to fire people.
He said he loves the State of Michigan because “the trees are exactly the right height.” h(WTF?)/
On the day of the election he said that electing him would “make a better tomorrow, tomorrow.” h(WTF?)/
Only a really stupid person would say any of this stuff. You can try to explain it away, the the more you do, the more stupid it sounds. It made us wonder what he would say to Putin when he didn’t have a script to read written by smarter people Romney hired to write stuff for him to say.
The American people elected a stupid president before. Remember George W. Bush? I distinctly remember voting for him because I was firmly convinced that he wasn’t all that smart and therefore couldn’t do much harm if elected. That’s why he got elected. Think back and you will remember all the dumb things he did and said during his election campaign and still beat Al Gore, the smart guy who we didn’t trust and feared would change too many things if he got elected.
Boy, were we wrong. A stupid president can do a whole lot of harm – as George W. Bush proved. It was his stupidity that got us into two wars we couldn’t afford and paid for with money we borrowed from China. It was his stupidity that lead to the economic crash that took place between 2007 and 2009 that almost took out the whole world. So we are finished with stupid presidents.
That’s why Obama won and Romney lost. We don’t like Obama. Seriously. We don’t like him. We have lots of reasons, ranging from simple things like racism to the more subtle and complex reasoning that forces us to conclude that he hasn’t really handled the presidency very well. But we voted for him anyway because he is smarter than Romney, and that means he has the best chance of not making the kinds of stupid mistakes George W. Bush made that fucked everything up in the first place.
And that’s why Obama won. The GOP tried to sell us this Romney:
But, as the campaign progressed, this is the Romney we saw and got to know:
And that’s why Obama won and Romney lost. The American people picked a bad, but smart president over an undoubtedly stupid one.
And if the GOP doesn’t realize this, it will be the end of the Republican Party.
Don’t say I didn’thwarn you./