HEADLINE – OFFICIALS CEASE WHALE RESCUE EFFORT
TAMPA, Florida – Florida state officials have officially stopped their efforts to rescue ten pilot whales stranded in the Florida Everglades.
“Screw those whales,” said Cooter Babcock, appointed as Head Whale Rescuer by the State of Florida.
“I hate whales,” Babcock admitted. You can’t hunt ’em. You can’t eat ’em. And you can’t claim you killed ’em because they made you afraid for your life. No jury would believe that. Not even in Florida,” Babcock concluded.