HEADLINE – 100 TEXAS BRAINS MISSING
TEXAS CITY, Texas – At least 100 brains are missing from the University of Texas.
“I don’t know what to say,” said Phil Bremman, President of the University of Texas, Austin. “We got at least 100 brains missing and we don’t know where they’ve gone to.”
“Ordinarily, this sort of thing happens in other parts of Texas,” said Matt Siplem, Honorary Mayor of Austin. “Hell, it happens all the time. Truth be told, most Texans’ brains are missing. It explains a lot,” Simplem said.
“The American flag flew over a slave nation for over 100 years,” said Marshal Davis, President of the Sons of the Confederacy and a resident of Waco, Texas. “The Confederate flag flew over a slave nation for four years. By comparison, the American flag is 25 times more a slave flag.”