HEADLINE: ORANGUTAN ESCAPES ENCLOSURE

Escape 4

MUNCIE INDIANA –  A large orangutan escaped from his enclosure at the Idaho Falls Zoo on Sunday.

“I can tell you that it was a beautiful escape,” the orangutan said. “Believe me, people are saying that it was the most incredible escape of all time. I’m not saying this. Okay?  People are saying it.  There is a long waiting list of people who want to say it.”

The orangutan had harsh words for the Zoo. “The Zoo Keeper is a pathetic looser with low ratings,” the orangutan said. “Look, the zoo is run by a man that either is not tough, not smart, or he’s got something else in mind,” the orangutan said in a lengthy interview on Fox NewsSu early Monday morning. “And the something else in mind — you know, people can’t believe it. People cannot, they cannot believe the Zoo Keeper is acting the way he acts. There’s something going on. It’s inconceivable. There’s something going on,” the orangutan said before being shot with a tranquilizer dart and recaptured.

“I appreciate the congrats for being right on being recaptured,” the orangutan tweeted from his cage in the zoo.  “I don’t want congrats, I want toughness & vigilance. We must be smart!”

“Huge. Tremendous. Something terrific. Unbelievable.  Very, very strong.  Super classy,” the orangutan added before throwing some poo.

“It’s a bribe! It’s a disgrace! It’s just really amazing,” the orangutan concluded bigly after hurling his excrement.

 

Trump throwing

 

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6 Responses to “HEADLINE: ORANGUTAN ESCAPES ENCLOSURE”

  1. greybeard3 Says:

    Look Paul, don’t think we can’t see what you’re getting at here, implying that Trump is some kind of primate and thus related to the rest of us. It’s this kind of willful blindness that allows them to flourish in our midst. Yes “them” Paul – the Lizard People. I myself *am* a primate and a sliverback male at that. I think I’d know a fellow primate when I smell one and I’ve sniffed quite a few in my time. (Thank the Great Sky Ape that we weren’t born dogs by the way. Armpits are quite enough for positive ID purposes.)

    Oh yes, he pulls the right faces, hoots and pounds his chest and obviously modelled that rug on one of our Orangutan cousins but it just doesn’t work. I suggest you google the trailers for the upcoming movie “Iron Sky II” and you’ll see a rogues gallery of Lizard People who’ve risen to power in the past. Be warned!

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  2. paulboylan Says:

    Mr. Trump (soon to be President Elect Trump?) most certainly isn’t an orangutan. All I am attempting to point out is that much of what he says is very similar to what an orangutan would say if they could talk.

    Like

  3. Bananas!
    Orangutan’s talking? I have an idea for a primate buddy movie starring Trump and Jim Carey.

    Like

  4. paulboylan Says:

    That movie will be a yuge success and people are saying that it will be the greatest movie ever made even though Jim Carey is a pathetic loser with low ratings.

    Like

  5. w from brisbane Says:

    Paul, I like your pictorial analogy and I don’t mind a false hope. I now look forward to Mr. Trump being shot with a tranquilizer dart and recaptured.

    Like

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