Archive for the מצחיק Category

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW – JOHN BOEHNER

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Captain America, disembodied heads of the rich and famous, gülen yüz, GOP, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, I think you are a social parasite but I want you to vote for me anyway, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, News, скарлетт йоханссон, photograph, Photography, Politics, Pycho-Social Trauma, Stupid People, The Great State of Montana!, The Second Coming, The Wrath of God, USA! USA! USA!, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, מצחיק, بشار الاسد, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة with tags , , , , , , on February 19, 2013 by paulboylan

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House of Representatives Republican Majority Leader John Boehner recently stated “Obama wants to obliterate the Republican Party.” Boehner’s complaint has inspired me to draft a fake interview where he explains why Obama needs to do anything at all to destroy the GOP when the GOP is doing a fine job of destroying itself.

I haven’t finished writing the interview yet, but I have collected together the photos I will use for illustration:

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House Leader John Boehner Holds Press Briefing At The Capitol

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Obama Wants to Obliterate GOP 3 copy

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Obama State of the Union

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Obama Wants to Obliterate GOP 3 copy

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Boehner 5

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John Boehner

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Obama Wants to Obliterate GOP 3 copy

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Boehner 9

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Boehner 10

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Obama Wants to Obliterate GOP 3 copy

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THERE IS A REASON WHY GEORGE BUSH PAINTS HIMSELF IN THE NUDE

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Artists Rights, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, Captain America, космическая девушка, Fashion Forward, gülen yüz, GOP, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, 재미, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα, lächerlich, love, Money and Power, News, neşeli, скарлетт йоханссон, смешной, Politics, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, The Great State of Montana!, The Wrath of Khan, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, مصارعه, مضحك, مضحکہ خیز, 滑稽, טילים, מצחיק, פיצה, بشار الاسد, خنده, خنده دار, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة on February 12, 2013 by paulboylan

aasmokie

So I am sitting on the couch in my family room watching my son watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, when I comment on the recent news articles revealing that former POTUS George Herbert Walker Bush is an accomplished painter with a penchant for painting himself in the nude.

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Opening Of New U.S. Embassy

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“You mean he stood there looking at himself in a mirror?” My son asked.

“Yes, I suppose he did,” I responded.

After a short silence my son opined:

“Well, that makes sense.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Okay, let’s say you are a former conservative Republican President who likes to paint nudes,” my son says.

“Okay,” I respond. “let’s say that.”

“Well, then your possibilities are limited,” my son concludes.

“How so?” I ask.

“Have you seen Barbara Bush?” my son asks.

“His wife?”

“Yes.”

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Barbara-Bush

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“Oh,” I said, granting the point.

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UPDATE:

I found out later that it is was recently revealed that it is George Bush the Younger (the one who started two long wars but didn’t pay for them and very nearly brought down the global economy), not George Bush the Elder (the one who scoffed at his critics’ complaints that he lacked foresight by referring to it as “that vision thing”) who painted and presumably still paints himself nude.

I didn’t inform my son of my error.  I value any exercise in critical thinking and, based on even invalid data his conclusion was admirable.

And it is very likely that the younger Bush paints himself nude because his daddy did it, too, and the younger Bush is competing with him artistically.

The following photo is of a painting obtained by hackers of the younger Bush’s painting efforts. It is a bit creepy because it is clearly derived from a photograph, which means George has a collaborator who takes pictures of him in the nude:

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The elder Bush was a better president (he fought Gulf War I, neutralized Saddam Hussein without creating a quagmire the US could not exit from).  The odds are the elder Bush is a better painter.

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Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, bacon, bilim adamları, buffo, пицца, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, gülen yüz, health care, 스타게이트유니버스, 재미, αστείος, lächerlich, Money and Power, neşeli, скарлетт йоханссон, смешной, ученые, pork, public outrage over the waste of public money, snaaks, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, urinary tract infections, مصارعه, 滑稽, טילים, מצחיק, פיצה, سكارليت جوهانسون on October 14, 2012 by paulboylan

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If you haven’t done so yet, visit http://www.marriedtothesea.com.  No matter what your lot in life is, Married to the Sea can only make it better.

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IT IS ALL OVER FOR OBAMA

Posted in American Decline, amusant, And now the snorting starts, buffo, dada, космическая девушка, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, gülen yüz, I think you are a social parasite but I want you to vote for me anyway, 스타게이트유니버스, 재미, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, neşeli, скарлетт йоханссон, смешной, Politics, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, مصارعه, مضحك, مضحکہ خیز, 滑稽, טילים, מצחיק, פיצה, خنده, خنده دار, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة on October 12, 2012 by paulboylan

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An entire demographic of Obama supporters has switch its allegiance – and their votes.

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HEADLINE – DONALD TRUMP SAYS “VENGEANCE IS A CHRISTIAN VALUE”

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, buffo, gülen yüz, GOP, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, Hubris, 스타게이트유니버스, 재미, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, love, Mad Men, Money and Power, Mordor, News, neşeli, Paying Attention, photograph, Photography, Politics, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Religion and Politics, Small Town America, The Matrix, The Second Coming, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, Weird Stuff, What are you sick or something?, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, 滑稽, טילים, מצחיק, بشار الاسد, خنده, خنده دار, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 26, 2012 by paulboylan

 

“Jesus wants me to take vengeance against my hair stylist.”

MUNCIE –   During a speech on Monday at the Lynchburg, Virginia Christian college, Liberty University, Donald Trump gave the assembled Christian students some advice: “Get even.”

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“A few of you may say my advice is anti-Christian. Wrong!” Trump said.

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A student pointed out that Trumps advice conflicts with Christ’s Sermon on the Mount recorded in chapters 5-7 of the Gospel of Matthew, where Jesus tells his followers to reject the Old Testament rules on eye-for-an-eye justice and, if slapped, turn the other cheek rather than retaliate.

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 “Don’t believe any of that malarky,” Trump responded.  “Jesus was being misquoted by the liberal media.”

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The liberal media makes Jesus very, very angry.

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“Believe me, the central message of Christianity is “every man for himself” and “always kick a man when he’s down because there is no better time to do it,” Trump said.

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Trump, married three times, then advised the assembled students to get prenuptial agreements before they get married.

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“Jesus wasn’t married and I know why,” Trump said.  “It is because they didn’t have prenuptial agreements in those days so if you got married you were screwed if you wanted to get out of it, especially if you had a lot of money and the woman seduced you because she wanted your money.  But Jesus avoided all of that by not getting married. I’m not saying he didn’t play the field. He just didn’t get married.  I am absolutely sure that, if Jesus had access to a prenuptial agreement, he would have been married. At least once.”

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Maybe more than once.

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The university has posted a video of Trump’s speech on its website, noting that Chancellor Falwell introduced Trump as ”one of the greatest visionaries of our time.”

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DEAR CANADA: SORRY ABOUT ALL THE STUPID PEOPLE

Posted in American Decline, amusant, And now the snorting starts, Antique surgical instruments, Barry Goldwater, buffo, Cowboys and Aliens, dada, Early-onset dementia, GOP, greannmhar, Hapax Legomenon, Headline, Headlines, health care, 재미, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, Mad Men, photograph, Photography, Politics, Rage Against the Machine, Religion and Politics, Small Town America, snaaks, Stupid People, The River of Time, The Wrath of God, Travel, urinary tract infections, USA! USA! USA!, 滑稽, מצחיק, خنده, خنده دار, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة on June 29, 2012 by paulboylan

Dear Canada:

First of all, how is the weather?  Good I hope?  Global climate change is going to be really good for you.  As the U.S. heartland transforms into a vast desert, the wheat growing regions are moving north into Canada, making you into the bread basket of the world (like we used to be).  And don’t even get me started on how much money you are going to make when the Arctic Ocean ice cap melts, opening up direct shipping from Canada to Asia, not to mention the resources of the Arctic you will be well-positioned to exploit, like easy to get offshore oil and natural gas (you lucky stiffs!). I hear you already have plans to sell that oil to China, transporting it cheaply across the Arctic Ocean to Russia and then via pipeline or train to China. Hot damn (no pun intended)!

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And how is your population?  Growing?  Healthy?  Life expectancy better than your neighbors to the south?  Great.  Really good.

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I’m writing to apologize, in advance, for the mob of stupid people who are headed your way from the United States.  Here is what happened:  the United States Supreme Court has upheld President Obama’s attempt to create a national health care system like you have, like Europe has, and like the rest of the civilized world has.

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This has upset a lot of really stupid people.  They don’t want improved health care. In response to the Supreme Court’s decision, this group of really stupid people have vowed to leave the United States and emigrate to Canada.

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No. Seriously.  Seriously.  I’m not kidding.  I know I am a kidder, and we’ve shares some really good jokes, but this time I’m not joking. Look, here are some tweets from some of the stupid people headed your way:

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Yes, I know how funny that is. Yes, I know that Canada has a national health care system.  But I told you these are stupid people.  And they are on their way north to you.

THANK YOU, CANADA!

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Thank you for taking our idiots.

Consider it payback for Celine Dion, curling and that joke you call bacon.

Even though they are idiots, I think they are in for a big shock.

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Sincerely,

Paul

A SHORT CONVERSATION WITH MY WIFE

Posted in amusant, And now the snorting starts, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, buffo, Family and Friends, gülen yüz, greannmhar, 재미, αστείος, kluchtig, lächerlich, music, neşeli, snaaks, مضحك, مضحکہ خیز, 滑稽, מצחיק, خنده, خنده دار with tags , on June 6, 2012 by paulboylan

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June 6, 2012, 8:55 AM:

My wife just walked into my office, affected a New Jersey accent, and said:

You know how they say you should be careful about what you wish for, well I wished to be frickin’ awesome, and it’s worked out pretty good for me.

And then she walked back into our bedroom to continue getting ready for work.

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