Archive for the سكارليت جوهانسون Category

OXI

Posted in End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, Europe, Money and Power, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, سكارليت جوهانسون on July 6, 2015 by paulboylan

Disgruntled Republican

The people of Greece resoundingly said “no” (oxi) to the austerity plan proposed by Greece’s creditors.

oxi-graffiti copy

Saying yes would have caused never ending unemployment and poverty.  Greece’s creditors kept lending money to Greece knowing full well and with utter certainty that Greece could never repay the money.  A yes vote on the austerity plan would mean de facto slavery for the Greek people. Forever.

But Greece’s creditors were banking on the Greek people’s fear of what would happen if Greece rejected the austerity plan.  If Greece voted no, the Greek banking system would vanish.  Everyone’s bank accounts would be seized.  And after that?  No food. No light. No heat.

bank of greece copy

Darkness. Chaos. Death in the streets.

But not forever.  A “no” vote means horror in the short term – but the horror will not last.  In time the Greek government would print Drachmas to re-fund the national banks.  Greek trade would pivot away from Europe and towards the Middle East and Russia.

The Greek “no” vote to Greece’s creditors’ austerity plan will very likely cause the end of the Euro Zone.  First Greece.  Next Spain.  Then Italy. Like dominos.  And the result will rock the world.

But I always knew the Greeks would vote “no.”  Long ago I learned a Greek saying.  An old one. I learned it when I was very small. My teachers made me memorize it.  My priest made me repeat it to make sure I got it right.

 And I can hear it in the streets of Athens today:

 

Ελευθερία

ή

Θάνατος

 

 

people of earth

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH PROFESSOR X BOYLAN

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Australia, Early-onset dementia, Fiction, Geopolitical Insults, Hapax Legomenon, Horrible Coincidences, It's not what you think, The Matrix, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, The Wrath of Khan, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, بشار الاسد, سكارليت جوهانسون on June 7, 2015 by paulboylan

CATS FLOATING

 

John Birmingham is a prolific writer who’s most recent three novels – Emergence, Resistance and Ascendance – tell the story of how an oil drilling platform in the Gulf of Mexico drills so deep that it accidentally breaks the “cap stone” separating our world from a demon hoard that once ruled the earth and used people for food.  They plan on reconquering the surface world only to discover that humans aren’t the timid, frightened “cattle” they were thousands of years ago, but have evolved from helpless savages into a global technological civilization with weapons that seem like magic to the invading demons.

 

kill dragon

 

And the demon hoard didn’t count on Dave Hooper, an oil rig worker, becoming the demon-killing champion of Humankind.

 

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Dave Hooper carrying Lucille.

 

Professor X. Boylan  is a fictional character depicted in Resistance, the second novel in the series.

 

Resistance

Resistance

 

We were fortunate enough to locate and interview Paul Nicholas Boylan, the real life basis for the fictional character.

PEOPLE OF EARTH: Welcome Mr. Boylan.  Thank you for coming here today.

PAUL NICHOLAS BOYLAN: No problem, Chief.

POE: We here at People of Earth are big fans of John Birmingham’s novels and we feel his most recent  “technology v. magic” Dave Hooper novels are possibly the best Birmingham has written.

PNB:  Yeah, that’s what people are telling me.

POE:  You haven’t read these books yet?

PNB:  I’m waiting for the graphic novel adaptations to come out.

POE:  Why?

PNB:  ‘Cause I like comic books.

 

LostInSpaceAnnuals

POE:  Aren’t you at all curious about Professor X. Boylan, the character you inspired?

PNB:  Let me explain somethin’ here, Chief. It is sort of my policy, if you will, to not read any of the books that have characters based on yours truly.

POE:  Why not?

PNB: I got my reasons.

POE:  Are there other characters based on you?

PNB:  Yeah.  I’m sort of like a “muse” if you know what I mean.

POE:  What other authors have you inspired?

PNB:  Dean Koonz put me in Odd Thomas and that grenade launcher put me in Fifty Shades of Grey.

POE:  Which characters?

PNB:  I’m not sure but I’m told I’m in there.

POE:  I haven’t read either of those books –

PNB:  Me neither.

POE: – but let’s compare Professor X. Boylan to the real you.

PNB: Knock yourself out, Chief.

POE:  To start out with, this is you.

pnb shades
Paul Nicholas Boylan

PNB:  Hey, thanks for not using one of my mug shots.

POE:  And this is what Professor X. Boylan is supposed to look like.

Paul-Giamatti-in-John-Dies-at-the-End
Professor X. Boylan

PNB:  I got no complaints.

POE:  Nellie over at  onebooktwo.wordpress.com reviewed Resistance and said

Professor X Boylan, attorney at law, is an interesting character.  He’s obviously brilliant, but he’s also an attorney, which makes him a wordsmith.  He is very funny without meaning to be funny.

PNB: Funny?

POE:  Oh yes. Hilarious.  Nellie, also at onebooktwo.wordpress.com, wrote “Boylan make great comic relief.”

PNB: What the fuck does that mean?

POE:  It means the character based on you is funny.

PNB: What do you mean I’m funny?

POE: It’s funny, you know. Your character is a funny guy.

PNB: Funny how? I mean, what’s funny about it?

POE: Just, you know, you character is funny.

PNB: Let me understand this, ’cause, ya know maybe it’s me, but I’m funny how? I mean funny like I’m a clown?

 

midnyte-clown

POE:  No, not like a clown –

PNB: I amuse you? I make you laugh? What do you mean funny? How am I funny?

POE: Just… you know, your character –

PNB: No, no, I don’t know.  You said I’m funny. How the fuck am I funny? What the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me. Tell me what’s funny.

Disgruntled Republican

POE:  Nothing. Nothing is funny about you at all, and I apologize for implying anything at all that you find objectionable.  Truth be told, you are actually more similar to Joe Pesci’s character, Tommy, in the movie Goodfellas.

PNB:  Nope. Much as I’d like to, I can’t take credit for that. Nick and Marty came up with that all on their own.

POE:  Well, that’s a fucking relief.

 

people of earth

HEADLINE – OFFICIALS SEARCH FOR CAUSE OF FATAL HAYRIDE CRASH

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, gülen yüz, Headline, Headlines, Hubris, Is that really Ellie Goulding?, kluchtig, lächerlich, Mysterious Mysteries, News, Paying Attention, Small Town America, Stupid News, Stupid People, The Great State of Montana!, The Wrath of God, The Wrath of Khan, USA! USA! USA!, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, سكارليت جوهانسون with tags , , on October 12, 2014 by paulboylan

Screen Shot 2014-10-12 at 11.38.34 AM copy

 

Hey Officials, here’s a hint:

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stupid people 1

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It appears stupid people are the cause.

 

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HEADLINE: VISUALLY IMPAIRED LEARN HOW TO SHOOT

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, Brave New World, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, Fiat Lux, GOP, Headline, Headlines, Hubris, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, News, скарлетт йоханссон, Paying Attention, Politics, rimshot wav download, Small Town America, Stupid People, The Wrath of God, The Wrath of Khan, USA! USA! USA!, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, سكارليت جوهانسون with tags , , , , on October 7, 2014 by paulboylan

Blind Luck

 

And the visually gifted learn how to run.

 

 

HEADLINE: RANDOM SHOOTINGS DON’T BOTHER KANSAS CITY DRIVERS

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Headline, Headlines, It's not what you think, Joseph Bleckman, Kansas City, kluchtig, lächerlich, News, скарлетт йоханссон, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, Pycho-Social Trauma, rimshot wav download, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, The Wrath of Khan, Travel, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة on April 12, 2014 by paulboylan

Kansas City Drivers

KANSAS CITY, Mo. (Ass. Press) – Several shootings have targeted apparently random vehicles along a tangle of interstate highways in south Kansas City, but it doesn’t seem to have rattled area drivers, who say they’ll stick with their normal routes.

“I live in Kansas City,” said Steven Murphy, a local commuter. “Getting shot at might be the best thing that happens to me all day.”

“Heck, I invite being targeted by a sniper,” said Linda Kromthip, another Kansas City resident driver. “I have a bumper sticker that says ‘I Hate Violent Blacks and Jews.’ I know it is a long shot, but who knows? I might get lucky.”

. . .

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH CHRIS HEMSWORTH

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Cinema, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, سكارليت جوهانسون on March 10, 2014 by paulboylan

Stay away from my wife.

In this frankly fictitious interview,  international celebrity Chris Hemsworth, known far and wide as the star of Thor and The Avengers, stopped by for a little chat.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Stay away from my wife.

CHRIS HEMSWORTH: What?

POE: You heard me. Stay away from my wife.

HEMSWORTH:  I don’t know your wife.

POE: Then I guess it won’t be too difficult to stay away from her, will it?

HEMSWORTH:  I certainly hope so.

POE:  Me too. Me too.

 

 

 

 

 

DISAPPOINTED WITH THE SYDNEY MORNING HERALD

Posted in amusant, And now the snorting starts, Artists Rights, Australia, Captain America, fairness, Geopolitical Insults, greannmhar, kluchtig, lächerlich, Paying Attention, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, Rage Against the Machine, snaaks, The Great State of Montana!, Travel, USA! USA! USA!, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة on February 16, 2014 by paulboylan

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disgruntled seppo

This is me, disappointed with the Sydney Morning Herald. My disappointment looks a lot like a terrible, preternatural anger, doesn’t it?

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People of Earth, I am deeply disappointed with the Sydney Morning Herald.  Allow me to explain why.

As some of my regular visitors know, I feel a strange affinity for Australia and the exceptional people I’ve met there.

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Brisbane 1

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Brisbane 3

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M and S

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melbourne 5

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Melborune 4

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Sunshine Coast Crowd

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Sourced

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R

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Melbourne 4

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 I have special affection for Sydney.

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Sydney

View from the Rocks

Ouside the Sydney Opera House

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View from the Rathouse

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Hot sell the good taste

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stunning dycotomy

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Warrior Princesses

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You can imagine my delight when I received this email invitation:

Herald Invite

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The Herald explained what they wanted as follows:

The Sydney Morning Herald is challenging you to help us tackle the prevalence of alcohol-related violence and anti-social behavior in Sydney.

Put your ideas to work and create a 30 second video ad or an A4 poster for our Safer Sydney campaign. Your ad should speak to those heading out for the night, especially young men. The winning entry will receive $2,500 as well as being featured across The Sydney Morning Herald newspaper, online and tablet editions.

How could I resist such an invitation?  I myself am guilty of perpetrating alcohol-related anti-social behavior with the very worst hooligans and yobbos Sydney has to offer.

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Sydney Hooligans

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Sydney Yobbos

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The worst of the lot

So I was delighted to have received a request from the Sydney Morning Herald to use my many creative talents to help the good people of Sydney to improve their quality of life.  I snapped into action and put this poster together:

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Stay Classy, Sydney

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I felt fairly pleased with my effort.  It was pithy and to the point. It directly spoke to those headed out for the night, especially young men – who are always primarily interested in impressing the ladies with the hope of persuading them to engage in sexual congress.  I felt my poster was a sure fire winner.

Then I read the contest rules:

TERMS AND CONDITIONS

General Terms
1. Information on how to enter forms part of the terms of entry. Entry into the competition is deemed acceptance of these terms and conditions by the entrant (referred to as entrant or you in these terms and conditions).

2. The Promotion is a game of skill, and chance plays no part in determining the winners.

3. Entry is open to residents of Australia only.

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WTF???

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