Archive for the مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه Category

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH ETHAN COUCH’S DOG

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, Celebrity, Crime and Punishment, disembodied heads of the rich and famous, Grim Fairy Tales, Hubris, Joseph Bleckman, Money and Power, Our animal friends, Politics, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, Rage Against the Machine, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, Travel, USA! USA! USA!, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, פיצה with tags , , , , , , on January 1, 2016 by paulboylan

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When  wealthy fugitives Ethan Couch and his mother, Tanya, were apprehended in Mexico, their dog, Fluffy, was confiscated by Mexican authorities.  Ethan Couch is now challenging the legality of his arrest partly on the grounds that the entire arrest is illegal because the Mexican authorities wrongfully confiscated his dog.  In a frankly fictitious interview from Mexico, Fluffy sets the record straight.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Thank you for agreeing to speak with us today.

FLUFFY:  No, thank you for the opportunity to let the world know my side of the story.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  And what story is that?

FLUFFY:  I want everyone to know that I was and remain an unwilling participant in any of this.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Are you saying that you accompanied Ethan and Tanya unwillingly?

FLUFFY:  Exactly.  I had nothing to do with any of this nonsense.  If I had my way I would still be in Texas.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  So what happened?

FLUFFY:  First of all, do you know who my owners are?

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Yes.  Tanya and Fred Couch and their son, Ethan.

Fred Tanya and Ethan

FLUFFY:  How would you describe them?

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Wealthy, white, amoral Texas morons who, if not for their money and the privileges money and race provide, would all be in prison.

FLUFFY:  That describes a lot of people in Texas.  I was going for something more specific. More personal.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Such as?

FLUFFY:  In addition to being rich white folks who can literally get away with murder because they are rich and white, they are also bad dog owners – and that is unforgivable.

bad dog owners

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Did they mistreat you?

FLUFFY:  They were going to eat me.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Eat you?

FLUFFY:  That was their plan.  I was minding my own business, keeping a low profile, while they were making their moronic plans to run away to Mexico. Seriously stupid.  I stayed out of it, glad they were leaving. Then, at the last minute, they decided to take me with them.  The mom explained that, if things got really bad, they could always eat me if they had to.  I was insurance.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  That is a bit hard to believe.

FLUFFY:  Are you kidding?  Remember who we are talking about here.  This is the “affluenza” family.  This is the kid who killed four people, permanently crippling others, who’s parents taught him that his race and wealth excused them from the suffering any consequences of their actions, and then demonstrated the truth of that by getting him ten years of probation instead of jail time and sending him to “rehab” at a resort in Newport, California that cost half a million dollars.  Then ran away to Mexico because a video tape showed Ethan drinking alcohol and violating the terms of his probation.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  I think I see your point.  These are the kinds of privileged douchebags that would eat their dog if they were hungry.

cooked dog

FLUFFY:  Exactly.  And that’s why I don’t want to go back to them.  I want out.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  You are out.  They are in jail.

FLUFFY:  They won’t stay in jail.  Remember who and what they are.  They already worked the system to allow their kid to face no consequences for killing four people and crippling others.  Remember Judge Jean Boyd?

Jeanboyd

POE:  Yes.hI inteterviewed her/shortly after she rendered her verdict.

FLUFFY:  She’s the judge that agreed that Ethan suffered from “affluenza” – a disease that only spoiled rich kids can get – and that it excuses his getting drunk and killing all those people. What makes you think they won’t be able to persuade some other judge that Ethan and Tanya shouldn’t get any jail time for violating the terms of Ethan’s probation?  They have the money and influence to beat this, too.

JusticeForSale

FLUFFY: Tanya Couch’s Texas attorneys are arguing that she didn’t break any laws.

Trust me.

FLUFFY:  Ethan Couch’s Mexican lawyers are arguing that, under Mexican law, this little snot’s arrest was unlawful – partly because it was unlawful to take possession of me, their dog.  They are going to beat this, and they are going to come and get me.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  If all of that is true, how can you stop it?

FLUFFY:  Fuck if I know.

Dog 2

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

people of earth

 

Another perfect day! 1

HEADLINE: VISUALLY IMPAIRED LEARN HOW TO SHOOT

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, Brave New World, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, Fiat Lux, GOP, Headline, Headlines, Hubris, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, News, скарлетт йоханссон, Paying Attention, Politics, rimshot wav download, Small Town America, Stupid People, The Wrath of God, The Wrath of Khan, USA! USA! USA!, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, سكارليت جوهانسون with tags , , , , on October 7, 2014 by paulboylan

Blind Luck

 

And the visually gifted learn how to run.

 

 

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH PAULA DEEN

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, Bigotry in America, News, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, The Great State of Montana!, The Wrath of God, The Wrath of Khan, TV, USA! USA! USA!, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه on February 28, 2014 by paulboylan

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Southern “down home” celebrity cook Paula Deen – exiled from public life due to racist comments she made about African Americans – is ready to return to public life. In this frankly fictitious interview, Ms. Deen describes the valuable lessons gleaned from her past mistakes.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Paula, thank you for speaking with me today.

PAULA DEEN:  It is such a pleasure, Paul. I just love your blog – especially your fake news stories.

POE:  Thank you.  Paula, it wasn’t so long ago that you were revealed to be a racist, especially in your attitudes about black people.

DEEN:  That’s true, Paul.  But in the days since my shocking statements I’ve had the chance to meet many, many black people from all over this great country and learn about them.  I’ve learned a lot.

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paula deen

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POE:  What would you say is the most important thing you’ve learned?

DEEN:  I’ve learned that niggers sure can hold a grudge.

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georgia-republicans-more-likely-to-approve-of-paula-deen-than-martin-luther-king

RON BURGUNDY LIVES

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, космическая девушка, Embarrassing Butt-Shots, gülen yüz, Geopolitical Insults, Getting it Right, Headline, Headlines, Internet Fun!, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, News, скарлетт йоханссон, Paying Attention, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, snaaks, Stupid News, Television, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, Why do people in other countries talk funny? on July 13, 2013 by paulboylan

Idiot News Reader

Unbelievable. Watch the Youtube vid below to see a television newscaster report on this breaking story:

Click here/to learn how and why it happened.

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HEADLINE: LIL WAYNE’S SEIZURES NOT DRUG-RELATED, BIRDMAN SAYS

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Food, Headline, Headlines, ανόητο άτομα, Joseph Bleckman, News, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه on March 19, 2013 by paulboylan

Birdman Says_edited-1

MUNCIE, Indiana – Pop sensation Lil Wayne’s recent seizure was not caused by illegal drug use, said Harvey Birdman, Lil Wayne’s attorney and spokesperson.

harvey_birdman_attorney_at_law-show

“My client is not a drug user,” Birdman said at a press conference he called for the purpose of “clearing the air” about Lil Wayne’s seizure. “He is allergic to wheat,” Birdman explained.

Birdman ended the conference with a warning about the perils of food allergies.

 

 

THERE IS A REASON WHY GEORGE BUSH PAINTS HIMSELF IN THE NUDE

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Artists Rights, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, Captain America, космическая девушка, Fashion Forward, gülen yüz, GOP, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, 재미, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα, lächerlich, love, Money and Power, News, neşeli, скарлетт йоханссон, смешной, Politics, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, The Great State of Montana!, The Wrath of Khan, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, مصارعه, مضحك, مضحکہ خیز, 滑稽, טילים, מצחיק, פיצה, بشار الاسد, خنده, خنده دار, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة on February 12, 2013 by paulboylan

aasmokie

So I am sitting on the couch in my family room watching my son watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, when I comment on the recent news articles revealing that former POTUS George Herbert Walker Bush is an accomplished painter with a penchant for painting himself in the nude.

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Opening Of New U.S. Embassy

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“You mean he stood there looking at himself in a mirror?” My son asked.

“Yes, I suppose he did,” I responded.

After a short silence my son opined:

“Well, that makes sense.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Okay, let’s say you are a former conservative Republican President who likes to paint nudes,” my son says.

“Okay,” I respond. “let’s say that.”

“Well, then your possibilities are limited,” my son concludes.

“How so?” I ask.

“Have you seen Barbara Bush?” my son asks.

“His wife?”

“Yes.”

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Barbara-Bush

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“Oh,” I said, granting the point.

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UPDATE:

I found out later that it is was recently revealed that it is George Bush the Younger (the one who started two long wars but didn’t pay for them and very nearly brought down the global economy), not George Bush the Elder (the one who scoffed at his critics’ complaints that he lacked foresight by referring to it as “that vision thing”) who painted and presumably still paints himself nude.

I didn’t inform my son of my error.  I value any exercise in critical thinking and, based on even invalid data his conclusion was admirable.

And it is very likely that the younger Bush paints himself nude because his daddy did it, too, and the younger Bush is competing with him artistically.

The following photo is of a painting obtained by hackers of the younger Bush’s painting efforts. It is a bit creepy because it is clearly derived from a photograph, which means George has a collaborator who takes pictures of him in the nude:

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The elder Bush was a better president (he fought Gulf War I, neutralized Saddam Hussein without creating a quagmire the US could not exit from).  The odds are the elder Bush is a better painter.

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HEADLINE – IRANIAN OFFICIAL CANCELS CANADIAN TRIP

Posted in Ahmadinejad, bacon, Canada, Geopolitical Insults, Headline, Headlines, Is that really Ellie Goulding?, ανόητο άτομα, Joseph Bleckman, News, Politics, The Great State of Montana!, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, טילים on September 8, 2012 by paulboylan

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MUNCIE – A top Iranian official has canceled his Canadian vacation plans to protest Canada’s recent decision to sever diplomatic ties between Canada and Iran.

“I was going to go to Banff to take in some skying, but screw that now,” said Osama bin Pharten, the Iranian Minister of Counterfeiting and Money Laundering.  “As far as I am concerned Canada is no longer a vacation destination for me or my family,” bin Pharten said.

“And their bacon is stupid,” he added.

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