Archive for the Attorney fees Category

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH ETHAN COUCH’S DOG

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, Celebrity, Crime and Punishment, disembodied heads of the rich and famous, Grim Fairy Tales, Hubris, Joseph Bleckman, Money and Power, Our animal friends, Politics, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, Rage Against the Machine, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, Travel, USA! USA! USA!, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, פיצה with tags , , , , , , on January 1, 2016 by paulboylan

dog1

When  wealthy fugitives Ethan Couch and his mother, Tanya, were apprehended in Mexico, their dog, Fluffy, was confiscated by Mexican authorities.  Ethan Couch is now challenging the legality of his arrest partly on the grounds that the entire arrest is illegal because the Mexican authorities wrongfully confiscated his dog.  In a frankly fictitious interview from Mexico, Fluffy sets the record straight.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Thank you for agreeing to speak with us today.

FLUFFY:  No, thank you for the opportunity to let the world know my side of the story.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  And what story is that?

FLUFFY:  I want everyone to know that I was and remain an unwilling participant in any of this.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Are you saying that you accompanied Ethan and Tanya unwillingly?

FLUFFY:  Exactly.  I had nothing to do with any of this nonsense.  If I had my way I would still be in Texas.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  So what happened?

FLUFFY:  First of all, do you know who my owners are?

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Yes.  Tanya and Fred Couch and their son, Ethan.

Fred Tanya and Ethan

FLUFFY:  How would you describe them?

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Wealthy, white, amoral Texas morons who, if not for their money and the privileges money and race provide, would all be in prison.

FLUFFY:  That describes a lot of people in Texas.  I was going for something more specific. More personal.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Such as?

FLUFFY:  In addition to being rich white folks who can literally get away with murder because they are rich and white, they are also bad dog owners – and that is unforgivable.

bad dog owners

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Did they mistreat you?

FLUFFY:  They were going to eat me.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Eat you?

FLUFFY:  That was their plan.  I was minding my own business, keeping a low profile, while they were making their moronic plans to run away to Mexico. Seriously stupid.  I stayed out of it, glad they were leaving. Then, at the last minute, they decided to take me with them.  The mom explained that, if things got really bad, they could always eat me if they had to.  I was insurance.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  That is a bit hard to believe.

FLUFFY:  Are you kidding?  Remember who we are talking about here.  This is the “affluenza” family.  This is the kid who killed four people, permanently crippling others, who’s parents taught him that his race and wealth excused them from the suffering any consequences of their actions, and then demonstrated the truth of that by getting him ten years of probation instead of jail time and sending him to “rehab” at a resort in Newport, California that cost half a million dollars.  Then ran away to Mexico because a video tape showed Ethan drinking alcohol and violating the terms of his probation.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  I think I see your point.  These are the kinds of privileged douchebags that would eat their dog if they were hungry.

cooked dog

FLUFFY:  Exactly.  And that’s why I don’t want to go back to them.  I want out.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  You are out.  They are in jail.

FLUFFY:  They won’t stay in jail.  Remember who and what they are.  They already worked the system to allow their kid to face no consequences for killing four people and crippling others.  Remember Judge Jean Boyd?

Jeanboyd

POE:  Yes.hI inteterviewed her/shortly after she rendered her verdict.

FLUFFY:  She’s the judge that agreed that Ethan suffered from “affluenza” – a disease that only spoiled rich kids can get – and that it excuses his getting drunk and killing all those people. What makes you think they won’t be able to persuade some other judge that Ethan and Tanya shouldn’t get any jail time for violating the terms of Ethan’s probation?  They have the money and influence to beat this, too.

JusticeForSale

FLUFFY: Tanya Couch’s Texas attorneys are arguing that she didn’t break any laws.

Trust me.

FLUFFY:  Ethan Couch’s Mexican lawyers are arguing that, under Mexican law, this little snot’s arrest was unlawful – partly because it was unlawful to take possession of me, their dog.  They are going to beat this, and they are going to come and get me.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  If all of that is true, how can you stop it?

FLUFFY:  Fuck if I know.

Dog 2

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

people of earth

 

Another perfect day! 1

Advertisements

HEADLINE – OFFICIALS SEARCH FOR CAUSE OF FATAL HAYRIDE CRASH

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, gülen yüz, Headline, Headlines, Hubris, Is that really Ellie Goulding?, kluchtig, lächerlich, Mysterious Mysteries, News, Paying Attention, Small Town America, Stupid News, Stupid People, The Great State of Montana!, The Wrath of God, The Wrath of Khan, USA! USA! USA!, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, سكارليت جوهانسون with tags , , on October 12, 2014 by paulboylan

Screen Shot 2014-10-12 at 11.38.34 AM copy

 

Hey Officials, here’s a hint:

.

stupid people 1

.

It appears stupid people are the cause.

 

.

HEADLINE: VISUALLY IMPAIRED LEARN HOW TO SHOOT

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, Brave New World, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, Fiat Lux, GOP, Headline, Headlines, Hubris, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, News, скарлетт йоханссон, Paying Attention, Politics, rimshot wav download, Small Town America, Stupid People, The Wrath of God, The Wrath of Khan, USA! USA! USA!, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, سكارليت جوهانسون with tags , , , , on October 7, 2014 by paulboylan

Blind Luck

 

And the visually gifted learn how to run.

 

 

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH PAULA DEEN

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, Bigotry in America, News, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, The Great State of Montana!, The Wrath of God, The Wrath of Khan, TV, USA! USA! USA!, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه on February 28, 2014 by paulboylan

.

CookingWithPaulaDeen_April2011

Southern “down home” celebrity cook Paula Deen – exiled from public life due to racist comments she made about African Americans – is ready to return to public life. In this frankly fictitious interview, Ms. Deen describes the valuable lessons gleaned from her past mistakes.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Paula, thank you for speaking with me today.

PAULA DEEN:  It is such a pleasure, Paul. I just love your blog – especially your fake news stories.

POE:  Thank you.  Paula, it wasn’t so long ago that you were revealed to be a racist, especially in your attitudes about black people.

DEEN:  That’s true, Paul.  But in the days since my shocking statements I’ve had the chance to meet many, many black people from all over this great country and learn about them.  I’ve learned a lot.

.

paula deen

.

POE:  What would you say is the most important thing you’ve learned?

DEEN:  I’ve learned that niggers sure can hold a grudge.

.

.

georgia-republicans-more-likely-to-approve-of-paula-deen-than-martin-luther-king

HEADLINE – 2 ACCIDENTALLY SHOT AT GUN SHOW

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, Cowboys and Aliens, Crazy People, Early-onset dementia, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, GOP, Headline, Headlines, I think you are a social parasite but I want you to vote for me anyway, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, Money and Power, Monsters, Mordor, Mysterious Mysteries, News, pandemic, photograph, Photography, Politics, Pycho-Social Trauma, Small Town America, Stupid People, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, سكارليت جوهانسون with tags , , , , on January 20, 2013 by paulboylan

2 hurt in accidental shooting_edited-2

Bought a gun at a gun show without a background check.

WACO, Texas – 2 people were injured at a gun show, completely baffling gun rights activists.

.

Confused redneck

Inbred redneck gun owner contemplating the causes of gun violence.

.

“It is a complete mystery to me how on earth these two people could be accidentally shot a gun show,” said Skip Henderson, gun enthusiast, misogynist, homophobe, racist and sociopath.

.

Skip Anderson can buy this gun at a gun show without a background check.

Skip Anderson can buy this gun at a gun show without a background check.

.

At gun shows Americans – or anyone – can purchase automatic weapons without any background check being conducted.

.

“Hello, my name is Joe, and that is my real name.  It is not a made up name.  I am Joe.  And I am interested in purchasing your AK-47 in a cash transaction.  Oooo! are those high-capacity   ammunition magazine clips I see in that bag?”

“Hello, my name is Joe, and that is my real name. It is not a made up name. I am Joe. And I am interested in purchasing your AK-47 in a cash transaction. Oooo! Are those high-capacity ammunition magazine clips I see in that bag?”

.

 “I bet Obama snuck in here and shot those 2 people to make gun owners look bad so that he and his Negro Army can come and take away our guns” Henderson said.

.

Sneaky Obama

.

“Guns are not responsible for these injuries and it is completely irresponsible to imply that guns have any connection to gun violence whatsoever anywhere in the world especially at a gun show,”  said Tripp Wightman, a gun rights activist,”doomsday prepper” and paranoid schizophrenic who buys guns at gun shows without any background checks and makes methane from his own excrement.

.

Shooter 1

Mentally unfit to purchase a gun, but passed a background check because no court had ever declared him mentally unfit. So, like hundreds of thousands of people who should not ever own a gun, he was allowed to purchase one. And then he went to a political rally.

 >

“I will shoot anyone in the head multiple times using a semi automatic weapon with a fucking huge ammo clip,” Wightman said.  “I’m sorry, I lost my train of thought.  Oh yeah, the point I am trying to make is to make it very clear that I will shoot and kill anyone who argues that gun violence – the epidemic of gun violence that is sweeping across our nation and tearing apart the fabric of our society.  Hell, it happened again. I totally lost my train of thought.”

.

He purchased two hand guns, a shot gun, and a semi automatic rifle and passed all three background checks. No court had ever declared him mentally unfit. Consequently he was not in the federal database that is used to perform background checks of people buying guns.
After purchasing these guns, he went to the cinema.

.

“Where was I?  Oh yeah, I will brutally murder anyone who so much as implies that guns have anything to do with gun violence or attempts in any way to improve mental health care or background checks to prevent someone like me from buying all the guns I want.  And then I will mutilate their bodies.  And if possible, I will sell the body parts – including fluids – to raise money so I can buy more guns.  That is how much I love America.  That is how much I love the Second Amendment to the United States Constitution that protects my rights to own and use weapons that are designed to kill people. Lots and lots of people.  Lots and lots of smelly, anti-American sinners who are building socialist agnostic, atheist, and Catholic robots that steal my luggage, violate my rights and infringe on my personal freedoms,”  said Wightman.

.

Shooter to

He bought this gun at a gun show without a background check. And now he is watching your children walk to school.

.

“No one loves America more than me.  Or guns,” said Wightman.  “Did I tell you that I make methane from my own poop?  I do it to stop the government from reading my thoughts.”

“The only option I will consider to remedy what is arguably an epidemic of gun related deaths in the United States is  what the NRA proposed, and that is posting armed guards in every school in the country.  But I do not want any taxpayer money to pay for it.  I want these armed guards to be volunteers.”

.

Eager to volunteer.

Eager to volunteer.

.

 “In other words, people like me,” Wightman concluded before adjusting the aluminum foil cap covering his head.

aluminum-foil-hat

foil helmet

.

GunOwnership

.

girl with gun

toddler suicide vest 1

toddler with gun 1

palestinian kids with guns

Gun-owner-Mike-from-Dalla-006

jesus with guns1

gun1

Gun owners are willing to kill in order to maintain unrestrained access to assault weapons and the lack of background checks for those buying automatic weapons.

.

UPDATE: subsequent to the posting of this story,  5 additional people were accidentally shot at gun shows in the United States.

.

HEADLINE – DONALD TRUMP SAYS “VENGEANCE IS A CHRISTIAN VALUE”

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, buffo, gülen yüz, GOP, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, Hubris, 스타게이트유니버스, 재미, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, love, Mad Men, Money and Power, Mordor, News, neşeli, Paying Attention, photograph, Photography, Politics, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Religion and Politics, Small Town America, The Matrix, The Second Coming, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, Weird Stuff, What are you sick or something?, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, 滑稽, טילים, מצחיק, بشار الاسد, خنده, خنده دار, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 26, 2012 by paulboylan

 

“Jesus wants me to take vengeance against my hair stylist.”

MUNCIE –   During a speech on Monday at the Lynchburg, Virginia Christian college, Liberty University, Donald Trump gave the assembled Christian students some advice: “Get even.”

.

.

“A few of you may say my advice is anti-Christian. Wrong!” Trump said.

.

.

A student pointed out that Trumps advice conflicts with Christ’s Sermon on the Mount recorded in chapters 5-7 of the Gospel of Matthew, where Jesus tells his followers to reject the Old Testament rules on eye-for-an-eye justice and, if slapped, turn the other cheek rather than retaliate.

.

.

 “Don’t believe any of that malarky,” Trump responded.  “Jesus was being misquoted by the liberal media.”

.

The liberal media makes Jesus very, very angry.

.

“Believe me, the central message of Christianity is “every man for himself” and “always kick a man when he’s down because there is no better time to do it,” Trump said.

.

.

Trump, married three times, then advised the assembled students to get prenuptial agreements before they get married.

.

.

“Jesus wasn’t married and I know why,” Trump said.  “It is because they didn’t have prenuptial agreements in those days so if you got married you were screwed if you wanted to get out of it, especially if you had a lot of money and the woman seduced you because she wanted your money.  But Jesus avoided all of that by not getting married. I’m not saying he didn’t play the field. He just didn’t get married.  I am absolutely sure that, if Jesus had access to a prenuptial agreement, he would have been married. At least once.”

.

Maybe more than once.

.

The university has posted a video of Trump’s speech on its website, noting that Chancellor Falwell introduced Trump as ”one of the greatest visionaries of our time.”

.

.

 

MOVING ON WITH NO REGRETS

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, California Public Records Act, Grim Fairy Tales, public outrage over the waste of public money, Research and Development, Small Town America, The Wrath of God, خنده on May 27, 2012 by paulboylan

Two events prompt this blog entry:

The first event is my need to travel to France – not to teach as I have done every year since 2005, but to withdraw my Euros from my Credit Lyonnais bank account, close the account (which I must do personally) and fly home.  These Euros were deposited into that account by the University of Poitiers  to compensate me for serving as an adjunct professor of law at University.

[I used this account to transact all of my business in Europe. Why pay the cost of converting Dollars to Euros?]

The second event involves an interesting and very unusual pattern of sudden Internet activity.  Since May 24th someone has been feverishly searching for websites using the following search terms:

Paul Nicholas Boylan Poitiers

“Paul Nicholas Boylan” Poitiers

Most, if not all, of these search attempts lead the person investigating me here,5here,/here,, heref(page 16),  here,/here,/here1and here.y

I cannot, of course, be 100% sure why there is this sudden interest in my professorship, but I have a fairly good idea.  On May 24th I filed and served a motion for an award of attorney’s fees and costs in Mecum v. City of Lindsay,Tulare County Superior Court Case No. 11-243461. In that case, I represented Steven Mecum, a guy who is concerned that the City of Lindsay – a small town in Central California where Steven lives – is spending public money improperly. 

In summary, here is what happened:  Steven asked for access to records dealing with areas of City spending he wanted to examine.  The City gave him some of these records, but not all of them. So he sued to get what was being withheld.

Ordinarily, these sorts of disputes get resolved very, very fast. Usually, opposing counsel work together and come to an agreement as to what can be released and what should remain confidential.  The reason for this cooperation is because the California Public Records Act (CPRA) is a “fee shifting” statute.  The CPRA states that, if a judge orders a governmental agency to turn over records or information the agency is withholding, then the agency must pay the petitioner’s attorney’s fees and costs.

So an agency faces a bigger and bigger potential liability for fees and costs the longer a dispute lasts, and it is this risk that prompts most agencies to work to resolve CPRA disputes as fast as possible.

That didn’t happen in Mecum v. City of Lindsay.  The City, through its attorney, deployed what is known as ae“scorched-earth”/defense strategy, which means the City refused to so much as discuss an amicable resolution and fought tooth and nail to win.

So instead of a fast resolution, this case was a long, slow slog ending in a hearing where the trial judge ordered the City to turn over documents and information to the petitioner, Steven Mecum. And this meant that the City must pay me what I would have charged Steven if I were billing him on an hourly basis.

As these things go, the arguments are fairly straight forward:  Steven asked for records; the City said no; Steven sued to get them; the Court agreed with Steven and ordered the City to give Steven more records; this makes Steven the prevailing party; and Steven now asks the Court to pay his fees and costs to me.

So what does all of this have to do with my professorship?  Everything.  In addition to my “base fee” (hours multiplied by my hourly rate) I am asking for what is known as a “multiplier.”  As the Memorandum shows,  although the Court has no discretion to deny the motion, under some circumstances, the Court has the discretion to increase the fee award by multiplying the base fee by whatever number the Court feels is just.  One of the factors justifying a multiplier is harsh litigation tactics that caused the case to be needlessly complex, time consuming and expensive.

That’s what happened here.  Defense counsel was very, very aggressive – so aggressive that I was forced to choose between teaching in France and staying home just in case defense counsel attempted to manipulate my unavailability against my client.

Here is what happened:  I notified defense counsel that I would be unavailable during the entire month of March 2012 because I was scheduled to teach in France during that time.  Knowing this, defense counsel arranged for a briefing schedule that would require me to respond to her arguments against my client’s petition while I was away from my office in France teaching.  I decided to withdraw from my teaching commitment that year and stay home to be ready for whatever happened in the case rather than be far away and less able to respond to actions opposing counsel might take knowing I was overseas and less able to respond.

It turned out to be a good idea.  Although I had arrangements for opposing counsel to serve papers on me via email, she nevertheless served her Opposition Brief on me via ordinary mail service, which meant that if I was teaching  I would not have received that brief until I returned from France, which would have provide me only a few days to respond.

But because I stayed home (and didn’t tell her) my client’s position wasn’t disadvantaged by my absence and I was able to draft one of the best Reply Briefs I’ve ever drafted in a CPRA case and, because of it, the Court agreed with Steven’s position and ordered the City to give  him access to what amounted to approximately 7,100 pages of records.

But staying home also meant I lost my professorship. And I told this to the Court as part of my argument justifying application of a multiplier, hopefully increasing the eventual fee award.

And this is why someone is frantically investigating my teaching history. Someone is looking for anything that might contradict my story, throw question on my claims, and hopefully minimize my client’s claim for fees and costs.

It isn’t going to work, but they are welcomed to try. 

I am very sad.  I loved teaching those kids, and the University provided me with students from all over the world. I had a chance to influence future policy makers. I had the chance to make a real difference.

I don’t blame the University. And, even though I cherished my teaching position, I have few regrets.  When confronted with a choice between my duties as an attorney and my desires to travel and teach, I chose my client over my personal desires. I did what I had to do to best serve the interests of my client.  That’s my job as an attorney. 

And what the hell, really?  I can still call myself “professor” and I am now free to seek out a position with another university if I really want to do that.

But I sure will miss those kids.  So bright.  So eager to learn what little I had to teach.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Au revoir, mes amis. Tu vas me manquer.


Now it is time to go to France and close out my bank account, certainly before the Euro drops any further in relation to its value compared to the US dollar.

And to you out there researching my history – take your time; do it right; find out exactly who I am and what I can do.  What you find will not reassure you.

.

%d bloggers like this: