Archive for the Getting it Right Category

HEADLINE – Ugandan gorillas join Facebook

Posted in 3D, Art, Astronomy, Avatar, Barry Goldwater, Battlestar Galactica, Brave New World, Cinema, Family and Friends, Fiction, Fire and Ice, Food, Fritz Lang, Getting it Right, Globalization, Hapax Legomenon, Harvey Eisner, Hate Crimes, Headline, Headlines, Humor, IN MEMORIAM, Internet Fun!, It's not what you think, Joseph Bleckman, Life, Mad Men, music, News, Nichola Tesla, Op Ed, Paying Attention, Photography, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rage Against the Machine, Research and Development, Review, Rotwang, Science, Science Fiction, Small Town America, Smiley Face, Space, Stargate Universe, Steampunk, Stupid People, Tasmania, Television, The Matrix, The River of Time, The Wrath of God, Travel, TV, Website of the Week, Weird Stuff, What are you sick or something?, Why do people in other countries talk funny? on September 27, 2009 by paulboylan

Endangered Ugandan gorillas join Facebook, MySpace

By Rhappi Khanasta, Ass. Press Writer – Sat Sep 26, 10:53 am ET

KAMPALA, Uganda – Around 340 mountain gorillas — nearly half of the 740 remaining worldwide — have joined Facebook, Myspace and Twitter in an attempt to live it up before the end.

“I figured, what the hell?” explains M’bitah, a male silverback weighing 400 pounds (180 kilograms) who lives in Uganda’s lush Bwindi Impenetrable Forest National Park. “Maybe I can hook up with a willing female and have a little fun before I am shot, killed and eaten,” M’bitah said.

Despite their size — a male silverback can reach over 7 feet (2.1 meters) — the gorillas are threatened by poachers who kill them for meat, farmers and charcoal-burners who encroach on their habitat, and the indiscriminate bullets of rebels on the run.

“We Mountain Gorillas will probably be eaten into extinction within a year or two,” said Kampanga, a female adult mountain gorilla. “But I just got friended by five people on Facebook and 28 people responded to my tweet about scratching my stomach,” she said. “How cool is that?”

“We support efforts to include gorillas within internet based social networks,” said N’kita “Ernie” Ruzigandekwa, President and former Treasurer for the Ugandan Bush Meat Advisory Board, a nonprofit, corporate sponsored interest group that promotes eating gorillas. “The Ugandan mountain gorilla is an elusive creature that is much, much easier to sneak up on when concentrating on updating their Facebook profile,” Ruzigandekwa said.

.

.

MY FAVORITE HOMOSEXUALS

Posted in 3D, Art, Astronomy, Avatar, Barry Goldwater, Battlestar Galactica, Brave New World, Cinema, Evil Smiley Face, Family and Friends, Fiction, Fire and Ice, Food, Fritz Lang, Getting it Right, Globalization, Hapax Legomenon, Harvey Eisner, Hate Crimes, Headline, Headlines, Humor, IN MEMORIAM, Internet Fun!, It's not what you think, Joseph Bleckman, Life, Mad Men, music, News, Nichola Tesla, Op Ed, Paying Attention, Photography, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rage Against the Machine, Research and Development, Review, Rotwang, Science, Science Fiction, Small Town America, Smiley Face, Space, Stargate Universe, Steampunk, Stupid People, Tasmania, Television, The Matrix, The River of Time, The Wrath of God, Travel, TV, Website of the Week, Weird Stuff, What are you sick or something?, Why do people in other countries talk funny? on September 16, 2009 by paulboylan


Today I couldn’t help but notice homosexuals all over the place.

.

.

I noticed three homosexuals while I watched television as I made coffee for my wife. I saw half a dozen more as I drove my son to school. I saw another two or three in the supermarket where I stopped to buy milk on my way back home. And, when I parked outside my house, I waved to Ted, my gay neighbor, as he was leaving his house to go to work.

.

My gay neighbor, Ted.
My gay neighbor, Ted.

We chatted a bit and both agreed that the weather was fabulous for this time of year.

It wasn’t always this way.  At one time, not so long ago, I could go for months without encountering a homosexual or even noticing one on the street. Other than Richard Simmons, you almost never saw one on TV.

.

Richard Simmons. Very gay.
Richard Simmons. Very gay.

.

But things have changed.  The media today seems jam-packed with homosexuals – both real and imaginary. For example, on the television show Will and Grace, Eric McCormack – a fine, upstanding heterosexual actor – plays the part of a homosexual lawyer.

.

Eric McCormack: not gay.

.

While on the television show How I Met Your Mother Neil Patrick Harris, who is gay, plays the part of Barney, who isn’t.

.

Neil Patrick Harris: totally gay.
Neil Patrick Harris: totally gay.

.

(Harris also played the part of Doogie Howser, which disturbs me.  Somehow I cannot accept that Doogie is gay.)

.

What the hell?

What the hell?

.

It wasn’t always this way.  In the old days, you could go your whole life without noticing a homosexual.  You could be in the middle of a crowd without realizing you were surrounded by them. Your best friends could have been gay – and probably were – but you would never have known it because they did everything they could to look, sound, dress and live like heterosexuals.  And they were pretty good at it.  Some – like Senator Larry Craig – got married and even had kids just to avoid anyone knowing they were gay. You gotta admire that kind of effort.

.

Republican Senator Larry Craig.   Gay - with children.

Republican Senator Larry Craig.   Imagine the effort.

.

But now it seems that more and more homosexuals go out of their way to appear “gay” by embodying gay stereotypes.  I see lesbians every day with short hair, often wearing bandanas on their heads, dressed in flannel shirts, wearing extra-long baggy cargo/plaid/khaki shorts and walking in Doc Martins or Birkenstocks.

.

.

(If you are a woman and I just described what you look like, and you are not gay, I’m sorry, but it isn’t my fault: you look like a lesbian).

Every day I see effeminate, lisping, mincing, fastidious, fashion-forward, musical theater loving guys who “simply adore” Betty Davis, and who go out of their way to demonstrate that they throw like a girl. (“Here! Catch!  Don’t I throw like a girl?”)


But I am not one to judge.  I mean that in a literal sense.  I tried it, and I was a terrible judge.  I couldn’t really accept the whole “innocent until proven guilty” slogan.  I mean, if the accused might be innocent, then why were they in jail?  They must have done something wrong, right?  When I found out judges are supposed to be “impartial” I realized I am not one to judge.

Not as easy as it looks.

Not as easy as it looks.

.

Neither am I here to debate the issue.  I am not here to say whether the advent of open homosexuality is good or bad.  The last thing I want to do is get involved in a argument over whether homosexuality is a naturally occurring condition – like red hair and freckles – or a mental disease like acute schizophrenia that can be treated with intensive psychotherapy or drugs or even institutionalization.

.

.

As far as I am concerned, both positions have merit, but I don’t want to get involved.

In all honesty, there is a limit to my ability to embrace this brave new world.  I feel I speak for many heterosexuals when I say that there is a certain “ick” factor associated with the concept, if not the practice, of homosexuality.

.

.

We heterosexuals are trying to keep open minds, but we are wired this way and cannot help finding the picture below sort of unsettling on a visceral level.

.

.

And let’s not forget the problems inherent in the persistent argument that the gay lifestyle is an abomination in the eyes of God.  I mean, Leviticus 18:23 really complicates the whole discussion, doesn’t it?

.

Repressed homosexuals

Repressed homosexual (the one holding the signs).

.

But I digress.  The point I am trying to make is that there are lots of homosexuals out there and I might as well point out the ones I like.  Here is a quick list of the homosexuals I approve of:

.

Ellen DeGeneres:


Ellen is American’s Gay Sweetheart.

.

.

She is smart.  She is funny.   She replaced Paula Abdul on American Idol.

When you see Ellen it is easy to overlook that she prefers to have sex with women.


.

Karl Rove:

.

Karl is one of my favorite homosexuals because he defeats the gay stereotype that male homosexuals are fastidious, well groomed and fashionable.  He does this by being fat and sloppy.  Snap! You go, Karl!

.

.

And, to give balance to this column, my least favorite homosexuals are….

.

Elton John:

.

Elton hasn’t had a hit for years and that thing on his head is clearly a toupee.  Come on, Elton: spend the money.

.

Rosie O’Donnell:

.

I detest Rosie O’Donnell.  She is a loud-mouthed, annoying, pompous, self-important, corpulent idiot.  She discredits all homosexuals – especially the fat, ugly ones.


Well, that’s it for my thoughts on homosexuality.  I think I’ll have a beer and watch High School Musical. That show is totally gay.

.



.

SARAH PALIN AND THE GOP RENAISSANCE – Part 3

Posted in 3D, Art, Astronomy, Avatar, Barry Goldwater, Battlestar Galactica, Brave New World, Cinema, Evil Smiley Face, Fire and Ice, Food, Fritz Lang, Getting it Right, Globalization, Hapax Legomenon, Harvey Eisner, Hate Crimes, Headlines, Internet Fun!, It's not what you think, Joseph Bleckman, Life, Mad Men, music, News, Nichola Tesla, Op Ed, Paying Attention, Photography, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rage Against the Machine, Research and Development, Rotwang, Science, Science Fiction, Small Town America, Stargate Universe, Steampunk, Stupid People, Television, The Matrix, The River of Time, The Wrath of God, Travel, TV, Website of the Week, Weird Stuff, What are you sick or something?, Why do people in other countries talk funny? on August 20, 2009 by paulboylan


.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

It has been a while since I’ve appeared here. During my absence I’ve paid close attention to the increasingly hostile national debate that is now focused on health care reform. The way the topic is being debated reinforces my belief the Republican Party is poised for renaissance and that Sarah Palin is key to the GOP’s rebirth.

As I’ve said, I am not addressing these comments to everyone out there who considers themselves conservative Republicans.  As I’ve explained previously, over the last 30 years the term “conservative Republican” has become warped and twisted to include people that hold positions contrary to what the GOP has historically championed.

Considers himself a conservative.

Considers himself a conservative, and is probably a registered Republican

Let me make it simple:  if you believe that Barak Obama can’t be president because he was born in Kenya, or if you think Obama’s health care reform proposals are similar to anything Hitler did,  then stop reading.

Yeah. You. Stop reading. It will only make your brain hurt.

Yeah. You. Stop reading. It will only make your brain hurt.

Go watch Glenn Beck on Fox.

Proof there is a flaw in the First Amendment.

Proof there is a flaw in the First Amendment.

Enjoy yourself.

But stop reading this. You lack the intellectual and/or emotional capacity and/or stability to join the effort to fix what is broken and to help guide the GOP back to national prominence.

I am writing to conservative Republicans who, like me, reluctantly supported Obama because a McCain win that included Palin as his Vice President was too horrifying to event think about.

I am writing to you out there who are watching with equal horror as crazy people disrupt town hall meetings – and then are interviewed on cable news.

I am here to tell you not to worry. The screaming crazies are part of a chain of events that will transform the GOP from its current status as a “rump” political party into a new and stronger national force.  And Sarah Palin is the key to this rebirth.

But before that can happen, we need to admit some basic truths – like the undeniable fact that crazy, stupid people have taken over the GOP.

Crazy+Christians+Protesting+Academy+Awards+BHeKb7Xyebql

Ronald Reagan invited them in.

We need to recognize that this was a mistake.

Republican candidates lose votes every time some middle-aged fat, poorly dressed woman screams “I want my country back!” at a nationally televised town hall meeting or some wild-eyed attorney (who is also a dentist and real estate agent) demonizes Obama by comparing him to Joseph Stalin or Adolf Hitler and calls for the army to revolt against our national government.

.

She really said that (the one in the middle).

.


When John McCain chose Sarah Palin as his running mate, he did so with the hopes of pleasing social conservatives/fundamentalist.  He succeeded.

They flocked to McCain/Palin rallies where they did what they always do at their local school board meetings, city council meetings and county board of supervisor meetings – they screamed and shook their fists in anger.  They demonized their opponents.  They proudly proclaimed their intellectual, educational and worldly ignorance.

Palin encouraged this because she was and is, essentially, a small town politician. She did what she knows, and that included saying and doing really dumb things, and then lying about it.  She pretended to be moral when her record revealed entrenched corruption.  She exploited her Down Syndrome baby because that plays well to small town crowds.

Small town crowds just adore retarded babies.

Small town crowds just adore retarded babies.

Plays GREAT in Wasilla!

A photo op at home!

A photo op at home!

Possibly the most exploited child in America. I'm not saying they should be ashamed of him or hide him. I am saying they actively exploited that poor kid.

Possibly the most exploited child in America. I'm not saying they should be ashamed of him or hide him. I am saying they actively exploited that poor kid.

I take that back. These were the most exploited children in America.  Remember: marriage is a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers.

I take that back. These were the most exploited children in America. Remember: marriage is a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers.

But it did not play well to the national American audience.  McCain, to his credit, tried to manage the damage, but it was too late. Palin gave the crazies a reason, a platform, a place to do their crazy political thing in front of the whole world.

And that is why McCain lost. Although he is a true conservative, he had no choice but to choose Palin as his running mate because the GOP is dependent on the lunatic fringe’s money and support in the same way a drug addict is dependent on his or her supplier.  But when moderate conservatives saw the lunatics screaming at Palin rallies, McCain lost the moderate vote, which lost him the election.

Don't think it didn't hurt.

Don't think it didn't hurt.

Dont think it doesnt still hurt. Dont you understand? The GOP left us no choice.

Don't think it doesn't still hurt. Don't you understand? The GOP left us no choice.

Palin’s resignation as Alaska’s governor freed her to reach out to the crazies who support her.  In essence, she is forming a new political party.

.


.

Traditional conservatives should welcome this.  The crazies need a place to go – and stay.  They are welcomed to exert local and regional influence, but, if the GOP has a chance of returning to national prominence, the crazies cannot be allowed to hijack  the national debate.

Palin will continue saying outrageous things that the media cannot resist reporting.

Each time this happens, more and more screaming crazies will join her organization. Close to the next election, Palin will approach the GOP leadership – probably at the national convention – and try to make a deal. She will offer money and support in exchange for influence behind the scenes on the national stage.

We need to say no.  If we accept the deal, we will be repeating the mistake Reagan made, which will alienate the moderate votes we need to regain the White House and majorities in congress.  We need to say no when the devil comes again to our door with promises of power in exchange for just a little bit of our soul.

Yeah, its a little like this.

Yeah, its a little like this.

It won’t be easy. Politicians often cannot resist the lure of easy money or the promise of guaranteed votes. But if our Republican leaders can resist this temptation, then the GOP will again become the voice of and for the American majority.

PALIN’S EXIT AND THE GOP RENAISSANCE – Part 2

Posted in Getting it Right, Paying Attention, Rage Against the Machine, Smiley Face on July 21, 2009 by paulboylan


No ashamed to call himself a Christian, sort of.

Is he a Christian, or just trying to look like one on the beach?

One of my regular readers – who goes only by the name “Celia” – recently wrote:

“Lots of chatter going on around me right now. Are you scared that I have documentation of events from long ago? To the best of my memory, even I have not yet considered that there are two problems here, as I see it. As I recall, many will be interested in knowing that I find it interesting that your column is difficult to follow. You use lots of words.  I further note that, in my experience, an acquaintance told me I’ve heard you and your minions, et al, use words I don’t like in your column. HUH? Does anyone else see a conspiracy here? Parents are devastated. Typical Boylan, in my opinion.  You should be ashamed of yourself for calling yourself a Christian.”

.

Celia (very single)

.

Celia’s diatribe is more than a textbook example of paranoid schizophrenia: his rant casts a shadow on the past, present and future of the Republican Party.

A few weeks ago, I used this column to talk to conservative Republicans who, like me, reluctantly supported Obama in the last national election. I pointed out that the Republican Party has withered away into what can, at best, be considered a local and regional power.  For example, Northern California is a Republican stronghold.  But while we are strong enough to affect local politics, we’ve lost our voice in the national debate.

To understand how we got here and how we can fix the problem, we need to examine the event that caused the GOP to crash – i.e., John McCain’s decision to nominate Palin as his running mate in the 2008 national election.

At first it seemed like a stroke of genius. Palin looked good. She sounded good. She appealed to social conservatives and, being a woman, she stood a good chance of separating the female voting block from the Democrats.

Going after the female vote.

 

Palin’s acceptance speech was political dynamite. She said all the right things and said them so well.  A good friend of mine began calling McCain “McGenius” for choosing Palin.

But as fast as Sarah jumped onto the national political stage, she began to trip all over it just as quickly.  The bad news started and just kept coming.  Her interviews with Charlie Gibson were a disaster, revealing that she was abysmally ignorant of foreign and domestic policy.  And even though Katie Courick isn’t a journalist by any stretch of the imagination, Sarah’s interview with Courick was even more of a train wreck.

palin_picture_ethics

And then came the non-stop parade of surreal weirdness.  Even though Palin supported abstinence-based Sex Ed, her teen daughter was pregnant. Even though Palin championed lack of corruption, her gubernatorial administration was corrupt.  She was revealed to be an unabashed liar, first supporting the “bridge to nowhere” and then denying supporting it.

I can, but won’t, go on and on with example after example from the avalanche of bad news that grew and grew as November 3rd got closer.  All I will say is that each day it became even clearer than the day before that Sarah Palin was simply unsuited to occupy high office – much less serve as vice president to an elderly president.

Hey! You kids! Get your dog off my lawn!  Lousy punks....

"Hey! You kids! Get your dog off my lawn! Lousy punks....

There is no way on earth McCain’s people didn’t know about Sarah Palin’s negatives before they lifted her out of relative obscurity and placed her on the national stage. Every bit of unfavorable news, every single unfortunate fact, was already known prior to Palin’s selection to the GOP’s national ticket.  All of it – and I mean all of it – was and is available on the Internet for anyone to research.

From Sarah's Internet sex tape (posted by an old boyfriend)

From Sarah's Internet sex tape (posted by an old boyfriend)

So why did McCain and his team of experienced, educated, experienced Republican political advisors pick Palin to stand with McCain and not Joe Lieberman or Mitt Romney or Rudy Giuliani or even Elizabeth Dole?  Why did McCain agree to pick Sarah Palin over a huge number of men and women who where infinitely better qualified than Palin?

.


.

 

The truth isn’t easy to accept, but, if the Republican Party has any chance of rising up from the ashes it is currently entombed in, the truth must be faced, and faced squarely:  Palin was chosen in order to appeal to people like my constant critics, Celia and Linda– i.e., low-class, minimally intelligent voters obsessed with saran wrap and pantyhose who think they are smarter than they are, think they are Christians when they really aren’t, are against the teaching of evolution and who are identified by pollsters as “social conservatives.”

Knows Penelope personally.

Knows Penelope, Celia and Linda personally.

Palin was picked to pander to social conservatives like Celia because McCain believed he couldn’t win without them.  So he picked a running mate who looked just like them, sounded just like them and claimed to be one of them.

Trotting out the retarded kid to connect with her base.

Trotting out the retarded kid to connect with her base.

It was a gamble that was doomed to fail, bringing the GOP crashing down in the process. However – and this is the point – Sarah Palin’s sudden resignation from her job as Alaskan Governor is the first step in a series of events that will ultimately result in the GOP’s restoration as a national party.

But only if we have the courage to say no to another deal with the devil.

(continued)

.

.

.

.

.


MOST OF THE RUMORS ARE FALSE

Posted in 3D, Art, Astronomy, Avatar, Battlestar Galactica, Brave New World, Cinema, Evil Smiley Face, Family and Friends, Fiction, Fire and Ice, Food, Getting it Right, Globalization, Hate Crimes, Headline, Headlines, Humor, IN MEMORIAM, Internet Fun!, It's not what you think, Joseph Bleckman, Life, Mad Men, music, News, Op Ed, Paying Attention, Photography, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rage Against the Machine, Research and Development, Review, Science, Science Fiction, Small Town America, Smiley Face, Space, Stargate Universe, Steampunk, Tasmania, Television, The Matrix, The River of Time, The Wrath of God, Travel, TV, Uncategorized, Website of the Week on July 14, 2009 by paulboylan

Coming soon.

One of my regular readers – who goes only by the name “Penelope” – recently wrote:

“I bet your getting a good laff  writing about me in the valley smear laff it up jew boy I heard that the departement of justise is gonna file charges against you for getting fired for lying to elected officials! ha! they are on there way to arrest you right now I heard that you are cheating on your wife with oriental illegal aliens who dont speak english we should send them back where they come from along with all the other illegal aliens who wont speak English and welfare cheats and homisexual liberals I hope your afraid because of the stuff I heard about you from reliable sorses like my neighbors and other reliable sorses like my other neighbors and other people who know things about you that they heard from reliable sorses”

Penelope’s comment highlights a growing problem: what do you do when you hear rumors, especially when you hear them from people you trust, who probably heard them from people they trust, and so on, and so on?

.

.

.

.

As Penelope’s email shows, there isn’t much you can do when confronted by a rumor other than spread the rumor and, if you spend most of your day on the internet, it is pretty easy to spread a rumor farther than ever possible before.  But what is an average individual supposed to do?

.

.

.

.

An ordinary person really can’t do much to verify or disprove a rumor – especially the kind that is either started or spread by anonymous people on the Internet.  I, on the other hand, am not an ordinary person.  In addition to having webbed toes, I am fortunate to be an attorney with the skills and the connections needed to round up answers and get to the bottom of things – which means I can verify rumors.

.

.

dr_strangelove

.

.

So, as a service to a community that has been very good to me, I investigated some of the more prevalent and persistent rumors currently floating around and have determined whether they are true or not. I want to start with something personal, and then go on to rumors of a more general interest.

Rumor No. 1:  I am Jewish.

.

Superficial similarities.

Superficial similarities.

.

.

This rumor is false.  I really have no idea how it got started or why it continues to spread. People keep sending me emails arguing that the Holocaust was a “Jew plot” to discredit the Nazis. People call me to complain about Israel’s treatment of the Palestinians. Complete strangers walk up to me on the street to ask me when the next Barbara Streisand movie is coming out.

.

.

We all know each other.

We all know each other.

.

.

To set the record straight, I am not Jewish: I am Greek Orthodox, a faith that prides itself on being the oldest continuous version of Christianity.  Despite some similarities – e.g., Greeks have big noses, are notoriously cheap, are smarter than goyum (i.e., non-Greeks) and control the media – Judaism and Greek Orthodoxy have very little in common.  And then there are the goat sacrifices – which I would rather not get into right now.

.

.

Hilarious at parties.

Hilarious at parties.

.

.

Rumor No. 2:  The words “Butte County” mean something obscene in Latin.

Knows what it means.

Knows what it means.

.

.

This rumor is false.  “Butte County” has no Latin meaning whatsoever.  The word “butte” is French, meaning “a small hill or mound of earth detached from any mountain range”  Coincidentally, “Butte County” mean “socially embarrassed potato” in Swahili.

The persistent rumor that “Butte County” is a foreign obscenity can be traced to a printing accident that took place shortly after Butte County was founded in 1850.  Butte County’s first Clerk,  the legendary Earnest H. Sockmender, ordered stationery that mistakenly read “Butt County.”  The mistake wasn’t discovered until 1853 when famed actress and exotic dancer Lola Montez was performing at the Yellow Foot Saloon in Biggs.

.

.

Lola Montez

Lola Montez

.

.

Rumor No. 3  Glenn County was founded by an insane polygamist wheat farmer who used a private militia to force the Colusa County Council, at gunpoint, to “let go of” the land that eventually became Glenn County.

.

The Battle for Glenn County.

The Battle for Glenn County.

.

\.

This rumor is false.  Dr. Hugh J. Glenn – the prominent California wheat farmer and amateur dentist that Glenn County is named after – was not insane.

.

.

Rumor No. 4:  Glenn County Superintendent of Schools, Arturo Barrera, is really a woman.

.

.

Arturo Barrera

Arturo Barrera

.

.

Despite my very best research and investigative efforts, I can neither confirm nor deny this allegation.  Barrera’s bodyguards – who seem to be with him 24 hours a day – make it impossible to get close enough to perform the examination necessary to either confirm or disprove the rumor. However, I’ve eaten with Arturo, and I can tell you from first hand experience that no woman can devour a bucket of fried chicken that fast or that vigorously.

.

.

.

.

The next few rumors are relatively recent, and seem to be part of an attempt to explain why the Glenn County Superior Court decided to remodel a courtroom scheduled to be closed, and then spent more money in attorney’s fees than the remodeling cost trying to keep the remodeling details secret.

.

Rumor No. 5:  Retired Glenn County Judge St. Evans killed a guy and hid his body in a “man-sized safe” for a time period longer than the one recommended by the Judicial Counsel. The “remodeling” was a cover story created to explain efforts to remove the evidence.

.

Dont go in their closets.

Chambers of Mystery.

.

.

This rumor is false and, frankly, it offends me that anyone would repeat it.  It is simply unbelievable that any judge would kill anyone (except for those two judges in Los Angeles) and violate the Judicial Council’s standards for body storage/disposal (again, except for those same two judges in Los Angeles).   Also, hiding evidence of judicial misconduct doesn’t explain the decision to install high-tech infrared remote controlled automatic window shades.

.

.

Rumor 6: The Orland judge’s chambers remodeling project cost so much money because they are building a trans-dimensional portal that will be used by evil insectoid aliens to invade the earth and use people for food.

.

It would look a lot like this.

.

This rumor is seductive, lulling the listener into believe it because it explains so much.  People wonder why such a large amount of money was spent to remodel a room so tiny, but a trans-dimensional portal could easily fit in that tiny space with room to spare.  The large amounts of money spent trying to keep the project details secret is also explained by the need to prevent humans from finding out about the plan before it is too late to stop it.  Even the high tech electronic automatic window shades are explainable because it is well known that insectoid alien monsters – hungry for human flesh – are notoriously light sensitive.

.

.

Dislikes direct sunlight.

Dislikes direct sunlight.

.

.

However, no matter how tempting it is to believe this rumor, I cannot confirm it, and it is my firm opinion that it is probably untrue.

In closing,  I want to say that I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords and would like to take this opportunity to remind them that, as an attorney and lobbyist, I can be helpful in rounding up others to serve as a food source during their stay on our world – and I am willing to do it at a very low hourly rate.

.

.

Such a deal, eh?

Such a deal, eh?

.

.

PALIN’S EXIT AND THE GOP RENAISSANCE

Posted in Brave New World, Getting it Right, Rage Against the Machine, Science Fiction, Small Town America, The Matrix on July 10, 2009 by paulboylan


.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

By Paul Nicholas Boylan,

Columnist

[Reprinted with permission of the Sacramento Valley Mirror, a small but mighty newspaper]

.

One of my regular readers – who goes only by the name “Penelope” – recently wrote:

“I bet you feel pretty smug sarah palin is leaving politics you say you are a republican but you are a lying evil atheist liberals like you that chased sarah away I’ve read what you wrote about her in the valley smear you are a liar and I have it on good authority that you do drugs and are a homosexual a confidential source told me you kill puppies just to watch them die I seen pictures proving it I plan on posting them on the internet so the world can know you are an evil drug using homosexual Puppy killer another confidential source told me that you dial 411 to get phone numbers you could easily find on the internet or look up in the phone book I spend all day on the internet so I know more than you do you drug using gay Puppy killing information dialing jew liberal loser”

.

Penelope

Cette femme – ou homme – a je ne sais qua.  Penelope, I do not feel smug about Sarah Palin’s recent resignation as Alaska’s governor.  I am ecstatic.  Palin’s resignation is the best news I’ve heard in a very long time.

.

They agree.
They agree.

.

Let’s be clear: Palin’s resignation does not mean that she is leaving the national spotlight.  She resigned because she wants to avoid ethical challenges and because she wants to make money – lots and lots of money.

.

She may be an idiot, but she is no fool.
She may be an idiot, but she is no fool.

.

But Sarah’s personal motives and goals do not concern me.  I am, instead, concerned with how the GOP responds to what may be our last chance to regain what we lost over the last 25 years.  I am thrilled that Palin resigned and the weird way she did it, but I am also worried that my fellow conservatives will squander what may be our last and best chance to restore the moral and intellectual honesty we need to regain the trust of the American people and win back hearts and minds that were instantly lost the moment John McCain chose Palin as his running mate.

.

Former Republicans
Former Republicans

If you consider yourself a liberal or identify with the Democrats, please stop reading.  Go watch MSNBC.  Do something to save the planet.  Just keep out of my way.

I have no interest in explaining myself to you.  I am, instead, interested in reaching out to conservative Republicans who, like me, have helplessly watched the GOP commit political suicide and want to do something to fix what is broken.  Palin’s exit presents us with a huge opportunity to take the GOP back from the forces of ignorance and darkness that drove conservatives like you and me to supported Barak Obama only because what McCain/Palin offered was too horrible to contemplate.

We can restore the GOP, but to do that, we must first remember our roots.

The GOP has always been the party of conservative reason and reality, tempering the beautiful, but unrealistic, utopian dreams of the Democrats.  For example, a liberal will say, “We need to feed hungry people because it is the moral thing to do” and a conservative will respond, “okay, but how are you going to pay for it?”  This exact difference of political opinion is what underlies the current California budget crisis. The liberal Democrat majority has been authorizing social services without having the money to pay for them, and the conservative Republicans won’t let them raise taxes to do it.

Wishing he had a sword.

Republicans also believe in limiting federal power through a plain, no nonsense approach to the United States Constitution. Prior to 1980, the GOP was not against abortion on moral or religious grounds: the GOP was against federal laws regulating abortion, arguing that, since the United States Constitution doesn’t cover abortion, the federal government cannot regulate it.  If states want to do it, they could – and, prior to Roe v. Wade, states did regulate abortion.

How they did it prior to Roe v. Wade.
How they did it prior to Roe v. Wade.

But back in the 1980’s something happened that began the process of slowly transforming the rational, realistic Republican Party into a twisted mirror image of the Democrats, an image that was just as unrealistic and prone to ideological fantasies as are Democrats.

Living the dream.
Living the dream.

It started with Ronald Reagan and his successful 1980 presidential election campaign.  To the world, it appeared to be a typical showdown between the liberal Democrats – personified by the painfully idealistic Jimmy Carter – and realistic and practical Ronald Reagan.  America was fed up with Jimmy Carter’s failed policies – which were incredibly unrealistic and based on pretty liberal ideals – the result of which was a botched foreign policy symbolized by Americans being held hostage in a post-revolutionary Iran and by historically high unemployment and inflation.

Still doesnt know what happened or why.
Still doesn’t know what happened or why.

The American people elected the pragmatic conservative to inject some much-needed reality back into the political mix.  So they replaced Jimmy Carter with Ronald Reagan. What the world didn’t know is that, prior to the election, Ronald Reagan convinced the Republican Party to invite a group of people into the GOP that historically had been excluded by all national political parties: the “social conservatives” of the Religious Right.

It is all his fault.

Ironically, it turned out to be a deal with the devil, and, as is often the case when one accepts the devil’s bargain, it cost the GOP its soul.

(Continued)

THE 100,000 MARK

Posted in 3D, Art, Astronomy, Barry Goldwater, Evil Smiley Face, Family and Friends, Fritz Lang, Getting it Right, Globalization, Hapax Legomenon, Harvey Eisner, Hate Crimes, Internet Fun!, It's not what you think, Joseph Bleckman, Life, Mad Men, music, News, Nichola Tesla, Op Ed, Paying Attention, Photography, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rage Against the Machine, Research and Development, Rotwang, Science Fiction, Small Town America, Stargate Universe, Steampunk, Stupid People, Television, The Matrix, The River of Time, The Wrath of God, Travel, TV, Website of the Week, Weird Stuff, What are you sick or something?, Why do people in other countries talk funny? with tags on June 6, 2009 by paulboylan

I’ve passed my 100,000th visitor. I know that 100,000 is a drop in the bucket for you uber bloggers out there,  but is it even smaller than that.  When you look at the kinds of google searches that lead people to my site, the following  search terms are the ones that keep bringing people to this page:

.

Smiley - 53,424

 

 

 

.

.

Smiley face – 20,013

.

.

 

 

 

 

Sarah Palin – 11,301

6a00e552e19fa3883300e554ca89968834-800wi

 

 

 

 

.

.

Sarah Palin nude – 3,175

palin 629618_f260

 

 

 

;

.

Martin Van Buren  - 1,007

 

 

 

 

.

.

Martin Van Buren nude – 1,005

 

 

 

/

/

Katie Couric cleavage – 728

 

 

 

.

.

Redneck -366

 

 

 

.

.

Stupid people – 359

.

Oops – 254

 

 

 

 

.

.

Steampunk office – 249

 

 

 

 

 

.

.

Mean smiley – 208

 

 

 

 

 

.

.

Morons eating pie – 119

.

.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jews in the news – 103

 

 

 

 

 

.

.

Taye Diggs Wife – 99

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

.

Beastiality – 97

Horrified-woman

.

.

I very much appreciate the 10 or 20 people that seem to habitually drop by. But the vast majority of those visiting here pass through looking for something else (pics of nude politicians) or land here utterly by mistake (‘oops”).

I’m not complaining – just grooving on the goofiness of the whole thing.

.

.

THE BRAVE NEW WORLD OF INTERNET “NEWS”

Posted in 3D, Art, Astronomy, Avatar, Battlestar Galactica, Brave New World, Cinema, Evil Smiley Face, Family and Friends, Fiction, Fire and Ice, Food, Getting it Right, Globalization, Hate Crimes, Headline, Headlines, Humor, IN MEMORIAM, Internet Fun!, It's not what you think, Joseph Bleckman, Life, Mad Men, music, News, Op Ed, Paying Attention, Photography, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rage Against the Machine, Research and Development, Review, Science, Science Fiction, Small Town America, Smiley Face, Space, Stargate Universe, Steampunk, Tasmania, Television, The Matrix, The River of Time, The Wrath of God, Travel, TV, Website of the Week with tags on May 20, 2009 by paulboylan


The author (front) and his brother, Dave (back).

The author (front) and his brother, Dave (back).

y Paul Nicholas Boylan,
Columnis

People of Earth, I have good news and bad news.  The good news is that very soon virtually everyone on earth will be able to easily and cheaply access the Internet.

Even really, really poor people.

It is happening so fast no one can keep up or predict where or how it will end.  Computers and telephones with wireless connections to the World Wide Web are spreading even through the poorest parts of Africa – even though there is no electrical infrastructure there. The people who live in those retched places are using solar energy to power their small, inexpensive internet devices.  And that means people from Port-au-Prince to Benghazi can watch television reruns on Hulu, watch weird videos on YouTube and look down upon their huts and refugee camps using the satellite images from Google Earth.

.

.

Now for the bad news. Even though we are entering a brave new world promising incredible access to information, a lot of the information available is absolute junk.  This true especially for the news.

.

IH071413

.

The problem is found in the system itself.  Every major newspaper and every major Internet service provider offers a news page where anyone can browse the headlines for free.  Google has a news page.  Yahoo has a news page.  Microsoft has a news page.

.

.

But there just isn’t enough news to fill those pages.  Our opportunities to find news on the Internet are growing faster than the news itself.  There just isn’t enough happening that is newsworthy to post on the Internet for you and me to read.

In the past, during the golden age of journalism, great newspapers like the Washington Post and the New York Times and the Weekly World News pledged to report “all of the news that is fit to print.”  Please read that promise carefully:  all of the news that is fit to print.  That implies that not all news is suitable to be put in a newspaper.  Some stories are just too trivial or too stupid to make it past an editor.  Traditionally, only the most interesting, most helpful and/or most topical stories made it into print.  In other words, quality mattered.

.

.

It isn’t that way any more.  In this new age of fast information access, quality has lost its meaning and importance. Now quantity is king.  Electronic space, millions of times larger than all of the newspapers that have ever been printed, needs to be filled with something.

.

Think about it.

The results are simply bizarre, and – truth be told – a little frightening.  When the quality of information loses its importance, the quality of thought and reason suffers.

For example, just yesterday I read the following headline on the Google News website:

“NAVAJOS LARGELY UNSCATHED BY RECESSION”

I want you to think about this headline.  It basically reports that the group of Native Americans more commonly called Navajos – who are perhaps one of the poorest people in the United States, suffering from lack of education, lack of health care and double digit unemployment – are not really being affected by the recent economic down turn.  And why? Because they are already dirt poor, that’s why.

 

The news article quoted some idiot who explained why the Great Recession isn’t really being noticed on Navajo reservations:

“Most Navajos own their own homes, tend not to invest in the stock market and have long had difficulties borrowing money, distinguishing them from millions of other Americans who’ve suffered from rising mortgage payments, sinking 401(k) retirement accounts and stricter terms from lenders.”

If you are not totally amazed at the abject stupidity of this “news” then perhaps I can help you understand by suggesting a headline that would be equally stupid for exactly the same reasons:

“RECENT STUDY SHOWS DEAD PEOPLE HAVE FEWER HEALTH PROBLEMS”

Navajos are not affected by the Great Recession for the exact same reason why dead people don’t get sick: because they are already in such bad shape that it just doesn’t matter.  Swine flu isn’t a problem for people who have died for the same reason unemployment isn’t a problem for people who already don’t have a job.  

You know what else impoverished Navajos aren’t affected by? The increase in swimming pool maintenance fees and the rising price of caviar.

.

Lucky Navajos!

.

The fact that our banks won’t lend any money doesn’t matter to people who could never get a loan anyway. Reporting this kind of stuff as “news” is like reporting thathpigs are born small but grow big.lIt isn’t news. It is an observation dressed up and presented to look like news.

.

.

It gets worse.  Not only are stupid things reported, but also stupid people are actually allowed to make the news itself.  For example, yesterday I also read the following headline:

“STEELERS LINEBACKER HARRISON WON’T VISIT WHITE HOUSE

Here is what happened: President Obama invited Super Bowl champions Pittsburgh Steelers to the White House.  Linebacker James Harrison refused to go because Obama “would probably have invited Arizona if they had won.”

.

Harrison is the one in the air.

Harrison is the one in the air.

.

Excuse me? Is he kidding? No, he is not kidding, and that is exactly what is wrong with this “news” article.  He is one serious intellectually challenged American style football player. I mean, what the f**k.  Seriously, what the f**k? Is there anything inside his cranium at all?

Mr. Harrison – if I may address you personally – please try to understand that being angry with the President because Obama would have invited the other team if they had won is just as stupid as a man divorcing his wife because, if she had not agreed to marry him, she would probably have married someone else.

Oh hell. I sincerely hope Harrison doesn’t read this, because if he does, he is going to agree and divorce his wife. I do not want to be responsible for that or anything like it.  I am sure they are a happy couple. I mean, I bet Harrison’s wife takes advantage of his lack of mental acuity to do just about anything she wants.

“Hey, honey, who is that in our bed making love to you?”

“No one, sweety. You are dreaming.

“I am?”

“Yes, you are.”

“Okay!”

.

Harrison thinking.

Harrison thinking.

.

But I digress.  The point I originally wanted to make is that his stupid reason for not visiting the White House is just a stupid reason. It isn’t newsworthy.  Yet it has engulfed enormous space on the internet.

Navajos that are “lucky” because they are condemned to hopeless poverty and stupid football players aren’t newsworthy.  At best that is information devoid of usefulness or meaningful content.

Welcome to the Information Age.

.

********************

ZippyT.Pinhead writes:

” ‘Welcome to the Information Age?’ That is a terribly weak last line for an essay that is marginal at best.”

Zippy, I am forced by self-honesty to agree with your opinion that I ended the essay poorly. However, as for your assessment that the essay itself was somehow not up to scratch, I offer the following in rebuttal:

.

.

>

hailey young

A STRATEGY FOR THE REINVIGORATION OF THE AMERICAN REPUBLICAN PARTY: SOME MODEST PROPOSALS

Posted in American Decline, Antique surgical instruments, Barry Goldwater, Brave New World, dada, disembodied heads of the rich and famous, Droit Moral, Getting it Right, Hapax Legomenon, Hate Crimes, Hubris, It's not what you think, morbidly obese French revolutionary philosophers, morbidly obese gymnasts, Our animal friends, Paying Attention, Politics, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, Small Town America, South Korea, The Matrix, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, USA! USA! USA!, West Korea, What are you sick or something?, Why do people in other countries talk funny? with tags , , , , , , on May 11, 2009 by paulboylan


People of Earth, it is looking bad for the American Republican Party.  Reliable polls show that 19% of Americans now identify themselves as Republicans, compared with 48% just half a year ago.


How could this have happened?

How could this have happened?

And it is getting worse.  Recently Arlen Specter – a long-serving moderate Republican Senator – became a Democrat.  Even Joe the Plumber announced that he is leaving the Republican Party. You know things are bad when the GOP has become “too creepy” for Joe the Plumber.

The GOP is devolving into a “rump party” – i.e., a political party that, due to rigid ideology, becomes isolated from the main currents of national American life.  Traditional “family values” Republicans should be very concerned about becoming a rump party, primarily because of the gay jokes it will inflict upon the GOP.

The Republican Party is shrinking because mainstream America no longer listening to the Republican message.  Instead of developing a new, more relevant message, leading Republicans are shouting the old GOP message louder and louder, leading to bizarre results.

The new Republican voter.

The new Republican voter.

For example, Republican political leaders have just gone crazy opposing new federal hate crime legislation that includes “sexual orientation” as a category.

Here is how the new law would work:  let’s say you punch someone in the face.  That is a crime called battery.  But under the proposed federal law, the penalty for that  crime would be enhanced if you call your victim a “fag” before hitting him.

The Republican Party snapped into action to oppose this bill.  Speaker after speaker in the House of Representatives forcefully warned that, if this new law is passed, it will “chill free speech.”

democrat stimulus bill passes house

“So-called ‘hate crime’ laws actually serve only one purpose -” said Kevin Theriot, Senior Counsel for the Alliance Defense Fund,  “- the criminalization of citizens based on whatever thoughts, beliefs, and emotions they have that are not considered to be ‘politically correct.’”

Mr. Theriot is wrong and anyone with half a brain knows it.  The new law does not punish people for their thoughts or beliefs. Even if the new law passes, every American will still have the God-given right to hate anyone as much as they want.  The new law doesn’t discourage you from walking up to any homosexual and saying “I hate you because you are a homosexual.”  The law doesn’t discourage that – but it does discourage you from punching him or her in the face after saying it.  The law does not “chill” speech, thought or feeling.  It chills assault.

And that’s the problem. The Republican Party isn’t opposing the new law to protect  free speech – the GOP is against the new law because they want to protect your right to punch a homosexual in the face because you hate homosexuals.

The Republican base.

The Republican base.

This does not play well with the  “post-Bush” American electorate. The vast majority of Americans do not hate homosexuals, don’t care if they can get married, and can’t understand why the GOP seems hell-bent on promoting hate by opposing laws that discourage acts of violence motivated by hate.

“It has nothing to do with hating homos,” explains the Reverend Trip Knuckles, an Evangelical Christian. “Our opposition to the new law has everything to do with discouraging our children from choosing the homosexual lifestyle,” said, Knuckles. “Fewer kids will decide to become gay if they are afraid they might get lynched if they do. The new law undermines that fear by discouraging violence against homosexuals. And that’s bad.”

Bad craziness.

Bad craziness.

Arlene Smedby, Chairwoman for The New Republican Majority, sees a different answer. “In the beginning, we hated blacks,” Smedby said. “ And that worked great.  Then came the Civil Rights movement and the American people stopped listening to segregationist slogans and passed laws against lynchings.  But the GOP adapted, replacing blacks with communists. When the Cold War ended, the GOP adapted again by targeting homosexuals. Gay bashing has had a good run, but now it is time for the GOP find some other group to hate.”

Other leading Republicans also advocate reform. “We risk losing our national political influence if we refuse to change with the times,” said Track Hemplin, unemployed rodeo promoter.  “I recommend we embrace homosexuals – not too close, of course, because you don’t know where they’ve been or what they’ve been doing – and refocus on hating illegal immigrants, especially the ones who refuse to learn English,” Hemplin concludes.

The perfect choice because they are powerless.

The perfect choice because they are powerless.

“Studies show that Americans will hate illegal immigrants just as much as they used to hate and fear blacks, commies and homos,” said Trig Smythe, just some guy waiting to buy crank outside of a Wasilla 7-11. “Hate is a traditional Republican unifying force.  But exploiting hate can be tricky.  We depended on enough people hating blacks, liberals and people with foreign sounding names to win the last election.  We didn’t realize how few people hate blacks, liberals and foreigners, even if their middle name is “Hussein.”  But I think we are on to something with illegal immigrants because they don’t speak English.”

A force for political unity.

A force for political unity.

“English is the American National language,” said SarahFan, an anonymous blogger. “I just want to punch people in the face who don’t speak English,” he/she/it said.

Will the GOP find a new group to hate before the party collapses?  Only time will tell.

HEADLINE – POLICE APPREHEND BIGGEST SERIAL KILLER

Posted in 3D, American Decline, Art, Avatar, Battlestar Galactica, Brave New World, Cinema, dada, disembodied heads of the rich and famous, Droit de Suite, Early Elizabethan Knock-Knock Jokes, Evil Smiley Face, Family and Friends, Fiction, Fire and Ice, Food, French Impressionistic Knock-Knock Jokes, German Reformation Knock-Knock Jokes (1520-1553), Getting it Right, Globalization, Hate Crimes, Headline, Headlines, Humor, IN MEMORIAM, Internet Fun!, It's not what you think, Joseph Bleckman, Life, Mad Men, morbidly obese French revolutionary philosophers, morbidly obese gymnasts, music, News, Op Ed, Our animal friends, pandemic, Paying Attention, Photography, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rage Against the Machine, Research and Development, Review, Romance Language Knock-Knock Jokes, Science, Science Fiction, Small Town America, Smiley Face, Stargate Universe, Steampunk, Stupid People, Sumerian Knock-Knock Jokes, Tasmania, Television, The Matrix, The River of Time, The Wrath of God, Travel, TV, Victorian Era Knock-Knock Jokes, Website of the Week, Why do people in other countries talk funny? with tags on May 1, 2009 by paulboylan


By Rhappi Kanasta, Ass. Press Writer – Thu Apr 30, 9:59 pm ET

LOS ANGELES – Police believe a 72-year-old insurance claims adjuster arrested earlier this month is the biggest serial killer in the city’s history.

“This guy is huge,” Capt. Denis Cremins said. “When we say we caught him laying around the house, we mean “around” the house.”

The suspect weighs over a metric ton and is so large that his arrest required two specially trained SWAT units just to put him in improvised handcuffs originally used to restrain emotionally unstable, bipolar hippos at the Los Angeles Zoo.

“We trained in Iraq, so my men are familiar with morbidly obese perpetrators,” Denis said. “But this is way beyond my experience.  How could he let that happen to him? He should be ashamed of himself.”

Serial killers often over-eat, said FBI profiler, David Carr. “It really is a big problem and it can lead to clinical depression. Without counseling and medical intervention, a serial killer’s uncontrollable appetite for fast food eventually interferes with their predatory activities, and when that happens suicidal thoughts are not uncommon” Carr explained.

.

Source for headline:  http://largest-ever-serial-killer-captured.html

SARAH PALIN’S GREATEST HITS!!!

Posted in Brave New World, Getting it Right, Op Ed, Paying Attention, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rage Against the Machine, Small Town America, The Matrix, The River of Time with tags , on April 18, 2009 by paulboylan

article_photo1_sm

[Alaska Governor Sarah Palin spoke at a right-to-life dinner last night in Evansville, Indiana via satellite (shown above). The governor teared up when discussing her son Trig who was diagnosed with Down syndrome before birth. "Trig is a miracle. He is the best thing that ever happened to me and I want other women to have that opportunity to give birth to mentally challenged children who will grow up and vote Republican," she said.]

(Ass. Press)

My dear friend, Betty – whom I am secretly in love with – asks me why I won’t leave Sarah Palin alone. “Your guy won,” Betty points out.

First of all, Obama was not and is not “my guy.” He won my vote by being the lesser of evils. And I wasn’t alone. Moderate Republicans like me were thrown under the political bus the moment John McCain chose Sarah Palin as his running mate. So we crossed party lines and voted for Obama – more out of protest against the insanity that has taken over our party than as a sign of support for Obama. If not for this cross-over vote, Obama would not have won.

But this created a problem that still has to be dealt with. When moderate Republicans like me left the GOP, we left behind the brain dead, ideologically driven, bible thumping morons that McCain was kissing up to when he chose Palin. And that means, like Iowa, these same morons will have a disproportionate influence on the next national elections.

And that is why I won’t leave Sarah Palin alone. She is still out there, and she is taking steps to run for president. She is actively kissing up to the idiot vote that the GOP now represents, which means it is actually possible that Palin will win the nomination.

So it is very, very important to remind people that Sarah Palin represents everything that has been wrong about America for the last 25 years. She is an utterly corrupt liar who believes in a perverted version of Jesus who approves of hate, and greed, and ignorance. Oh Lord, look what they’ve done to you and the evil they do in your name.

So I give you a video collecting Sarah’s finest moments during the last campaign. Watch it. It will be a test of your own personal mettle. If, after watching this you feel that Palin would be a good choice for President of the United States, then you are simply too stupid to vote. Or drive a car. Or carry sharp objects. Or raise children. You contribute nothing to the world other than being a means for evil people to get rich and stay rich and to give birth to and raise more idiots who will do the same stupid stuff. If you died this very moment the world would be a better place, because there would be one less moron for evil people to manipulate and one less idiot to meet up with some other idiot and misuse the miracle of life to create more idiots.

And just for fun:

THERE IS IRONY HERE, IF YOU LOOK DEEP ENOUGH

Posted in 3D, Art, Astronomy, Avatar, Barry Goldwater, Battlestar Galactica, Brave New World, Cinema, Evil Smiley Face, Family and Friends, Fiction, Fire and Ice, Food, Fritz Lang, Getting it Right, Globalization, Hapax Legomenon, Harvey Eisner, Hate Crimes, Headline, Headlines, Humor, IN MEMORIAM, Internet Fun!, It's not what you think, Joseph Bleckman, Life, Mad Men, music, News, Nichola Tesla, Op Ed, Paying Attention, Photography, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rage Against the Machine, Research and Development, Review, Rotwang, Science, Science Fiction, Small Town America, Smiley Face, Space, Stargate Universe, Steampunk, Stupid People, Tasmania, Television, The Matrix, The River of Time, The Wrath of God, TV, Website of the Week, Weird Stuff, What are you sick or something? with tags on April 11, 2009 by paulboylan

wipenose

Let’s talk about funny.

I won’t bore you describing the tiny tragedies of my beginnings.  We’ve all suffered, and, when viewed in proper perspective, all suffering is trivial.  When the self-indulgent drama is brushed aside, I best remember laughter.  Through it all, the darkness was split and punctuated by laughter.

Samuel Clemens is famously misquoted as saying “man is the only animal that laughs, or needs to.”  The first time I heard that quote I understood it thoroughly.  Humanity was born the moment a cold, hungry, shivering animal looked around at the noise, waste and horror – and laughed – because there was nothing else to do about it but laugh.

I vaguely remember pain and dread.  Then something happened, something I still struggle to understand.  I concluded it was good and right to encourage others to laugh.

At first it was my immediate family, in particular my mother.  Her laughter was special.  But so was my older brother and younger sister’s.  It was a simple thing that cost nothing, but made so much difference for those brief moments in time.  Light in the darkness.  Trembling, tentative order forced out of chaos by the simple act of willing it to be so.  For a brief moment, the Power of Creation, the shadow of what it must feel like to be a god.

Funnier than thou

Funnier than thou

.

And so it continued, it was and it has always been.  When all is said and done, the truest, strongest, most meaningful bond I share with my wife is laughter.  Slowly, time robs us of everything that brought us together, but shared laughter holds us close.

.

And our son – our only child.   I am a proud father.  My son is shaping up to be a good man – a better man than his father.  I am proud that his mind is sharp. I am grateful that, unlike his old man, he is truly kind and caring. But I am most proud of his fine and complex sense of humor.  It is the one gift I hoped to give him, valued above intellect and heart because the mind and the spirit are subsumed by it.   One cannot be truly funny unless one is smart and sensitive.

.

God doesn’t laugh.  I’m not kidding: look it up.  God laughs exactly twice in the Old Testament and not at all in the New – and both times in the Old He laughs “in derision.”

.

.

Humans laugh.  Only we humans.  And that is absolute proof that God loves us.  Animals are too busy living from moment to moment to laugh.  Angels are too perfect to so much as crack a smile.  But we beautifully flawed humans not only laugh, we are inspired to make – to help – to encourage – others to laugh too.  It is a kindness only we know.  It is a blessing only we can bestow.  It is a light only we can spark.

I love to make people laugh.  It is my connection to the infinite.   It is the absurdity that makes total sense.

And that is enough.

That and money.  Lots of money.  And sex.  Kinky sex – not the “man on top, get it over with quick” kind of sex.  And champagne – the good French stuff, not cheap California swill. And double-jointed women – two, whenever possible.

Fiat lux, oh my brothers and sisters.

.

green_lantern_10

6a00e552e19fa3883300e554ca89968834-800wi

cute-bunny-2

robmonster

113890

rotwang

stlouisshag-jpeg1

cheerleader

1youngfrankenstein

dr_strangelove

wolf-359

FUNNY STUFF 1.3

Posted in Getting it Right with tags on April 2, 2009 by paulboylan

 

 

My last featured vid was a big hit.  I think I may just post vids from the Onion from now on at the exclusion of all else.

For example:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FILM REVIEWS: MONSTERS V. ALIENS and WATCHMEN

Posted in 3D, Cinema, Getting it Right, Hapax Legomenon, It's not what you think, Nichola Tesla, Paying Attention, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rage Against the Machine, Research and Development, Review, Science Fiction, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, Website of the Week, Weird Stuff, What are you sick or something?, Why do people in other countries talk funny? with tags on March 28, 2009 by paulboylan

Monsters v. Aliens:

 

Tell me why a giant cute girl with Reese Witherspoon's voice is a monster?

I didn’t like this movie. Let me tell you why.

When I spend hard cash – that is more and more difficult to come by these days – to buy a ticket so that I can sit in the dark with a bunch of strangers, in order for the investment to be worthwhile I need to be able to suspend my disbelief enough to forget for those few moments that I am sitting in a theater watching a movie.

That’s why I don’t see movies starring Sean Penn. Granted, he is a great actor, but he is so good that I spend the entire movie saying to myself “wow, that Sean Penn is such a terrific actor!” Penn is the kind of actor that never lets you forget you are watching a film. And I want to forget I am watching a film.

I go to see movies that I hope will have sufficient story with characters I can care about enough played by capable actors to allow me the opportunity to forget I’m sitting and watching a movie. If I cannot suspend my disbelief enough to do that, then I feel I’ve wasted my money.

Monsters v. Aliens was a fun movie, but the very structure of the film – its very conceit – has nothing to do with providing a story sufficient to allow the audience to forget where they are. The purpose of the film is to showcase 3-D animation technology. The whole thing is designed to provide opportunities for the filmmakers to throw things at the audience.

Granted, the technology works great. I actually ducked a few times as stuff came at me out of the screen. But I don’t go to the movies to have things thrown at me. If I want that, I can stay home and experience the same thing for a whole lot less money and trouble. All I have to do is tell my wife that her cooking stinks, and I assure you that in a nanosecond a plate will be in the air with a trajectory terminating at my head, followed by glassware and cutlery.

.

.

So, to sum up, Monsters v. Aliens gets a thumbs down from Professor Boylan.

 

Watchmen:

 

The Comedian: the joke is that there is no joke.

The Comedian: the joke is that there is no joke.

 

I loved this movie. Let me tell you why.

First, I hated the comic book.  “Graphic novel” my ass.  It was a bunch of comic books bundled together and then sold as a novel.  The Watchmen graphic novel is the literary equivalent of what banks did with subprime mortgages when they bundled them up and sold them as securities.

The comic book is bloated and silly, with an end stolen from an old Outer Limits episode entitled “The Architects of Fear.”  The buzz behind the “graphic novel” is hype, and the fan boys are fools.

When I saw the previews on Youtube, I was optimistic, but the film’s reviews overwhelmingly claimed that the film’s fatal flaw was that it was too true to the original comic book.  My son’s mediocre review significantly diminished my expectations.  I waited for the hype to die down.

So I bought my ticket, sat with around twenty other people (most of them sitting alone), watched the previews (which enjoyed – I cannot wait to see the next Terminator movie) and expected to sit through a long and ponderous exercise in lost opportunities. I went in expecting to spend almost three hours cringing at clumsy cinemagraphic moments. Instead, I very quickly lost myself in the story and the characters.

Then I thought about it afterwards and conclude the film is brilliant.  I realized that I just witnessed something I’ve never seen before, expertly crafted to communicate the message that inspired the original comic book, but that got lost in the padding and nonsense that even graphic novels cannot resist.

The primary message of the Watchmen is that anyone who wants to put on a mask and fight crime is probably deeply disturbed.  And I mean deeply. The secondary but no less important message is that, if there really was a Superman, both he and Lois Lane would be tragic figures – and just the existence of a superman would be detrimental to the world as a whole.

Watchmen isn’t satire or parody – it is an anti-comic book. Comic books are all about adolescent fantasy, and the Watchmen comic book/graphic novel is no exception.  The film, however, is about brutal realities.

The visuals are faithful to the original – which is great: if it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.  But the story is significantly different in ways that improves the original.  And the performances provided nuance and depth that only cinema can achieve.  The characters of Dr. Manhattan, the Comedian and Rorschach will haunt me for some time.

And that is the most anyone can really hope for from a film.

I highly recommend this marvelous film.

 

HEADLINE – PALIN SLAMS OBAMA FOR BOWLING COMMENT

Posted in American Decline, Barry Goldwater, dada, disembodied heads of the rich and famous, Early Elizabethan Knock-Knock Jokes, French Impressionistic Knock-Knock Jokes, German Reformation Knock-Knock Jokes (1520-1553), Getting it Right, Hapax Legomenon, Headline, Headlines, Hubris, Humor, It's not what you think, Joseph Bleckman, Mad Men, morbidly obese gymnasts, News, Our animal friends, Paying Attention, Politics, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, Small Town America, South Korea, Stupid People, Sumerian Knock-Knock Jokes, The Matrix, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, Victorian Era Knock-Knock Jokes, West Korea, What are you sick or something?, Why do people in other countries talk funny? on March 21, 2009 by paulboylan


Alaska Governor Sarah Palin

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin

 

WASHINGTON (March 21) – Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin said she was “shocked” to hear President Obama’s offhand comment referring to the Special Olympics in an appearance on the Tonight Show on Thursday night.

“This was a degrading remark about our world’s most precious and unique people, coming from the most powerful position in the world,” Palin said just before walking into a closed door.

“Ouch,” Palin quipped, rubbing her nose and winking.

After winking again, Palin struggled to open the door until an aide showed her that, to open the door, Palin needed to pull, not push at the door.

“The sign on the door says “pull,” the aide noted.

The special aide to Governor Palin is paid for by the Republican National Committee from a special fund devoted to providing special aides to special Republican governors. The RNC provided George W. Bush with similar special aides during the eight years Bush served as Governor of Texas.

“I don’t know what I would have done without ‘em,” Bush quipped. “I gave them all nicknames so I could rememorize who they were so that I wouldn’t order them shot as spys,” Bush said before walking into a closed door.

“Dang it, I thought this door was open,” Bush said as he pulled on the door handle and made a goofy face. “Now, if I was still Governor of Texas, some guy would step up and open the door for me,” Bush noted.

.

.

 

 

A DREAM DEFERRED

Posted in 3D, Art, Astronomy, Avatar, Barry Goldwater, Battlestar Galactica, Brave New World, Cinema, Evil Smiley Face, Family and Friends, Fiction, Fire and Ice, Food, Fritz Lang, Getting it Right, Globalization, good guys and bad guys, Hapax Legomenon, Harvey Eisner, Hate Crimes, Headline, Headlines, Humor, IN MEMORIAM, Internet Fun!, It's not what you think, 스타게이트유니버스, ανόητο άτομα, Joseph Bleckman, Life, Mad Men, Mad Scientists, Money and Power, music, News, Nichola Tesla, ученые, Op Ed, Paying Attention, Photography, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rage Against the Machine, Research and Development, Review, rimshot wav download, Rotwang, Science, Science Fiction, Small Town America, Smiley Face, Space, Stargate Universe, Steampunk, Stupid People, Tasmania, Television, The Great State of Montana!, The Matrix, The River of Time, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, Travel, TV, Uncategorized, Vegemite, Website of the Week, Weird Stuff, What are you sick or something?, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, טילים, سياسة on March 17, 2009 by paulboylan

.

My house was recently remodeled, and I am disappointed. To make matters worse, my disappointment is causing me to question my goals and dreams.

.

Me, standing in the wreckage of my dreams...

Me, standing in the wreckage of my dreams...

.

My disappointment has nothing to do with the work that was done.  The construction company that did the work – North State Residential Development – did a great job.

.

.

renovation3-0771

renovation4andlesmis-021

Rob - God of Electricity and other stuff

Rob - God of Electricity and other stuff

.

The work was performed on time and on budget.  North State more or less built me a new home in five months.  No one in my neighborhood believed it was possible.  But these guys worked on weekends, in the dark and even in the rain to get the job done.

.

.

renovation4andlesmis-083

renovation4andlesmis-087

The men responsible for my bitter disappointment.

The men responsible for my bitter disappointment.

.

But every time I look at my new home I cannot put behind me the hopes I had when I originally decided to remodel my home. You see, I am an evil genius, and that means I have always wanted a secret lair. Allow me to explain.

There are lots of evil geniuses in the world – but they are not all created equal.Sure, there are high profile evil geniuses sitting around in big chairs, stroking persian cats and using their genius to plan and execute diabolical plans to threaten the world with the goal of getting rich.

.

My role model - Ernst Stavro Blofeld

My role model - Ernst Stavro Blofeld

.

Despite these few “stars” most evil geniuses live very humble lives. We have families. We go to church on Sundays.


Secretly evil.

Secretly evil.

.

But we live secret lives where we dream of threatening humanity with extinction in order to become enormously wealthy.

.

evil-smiley-face

.

I am that kind of evil genius.  My extreme evil and my uncanny genius are well established.  How else do you explain my otherwise unexplainable success?  I’ve spent my life crafting a respectable persona that hides my secret evil identity – Professor Iniquitous.  Over the years I have hatched countless ingenious plans for taking over the world – none of which I have been able to execute.

.

.

blueprint

.

There is one primary reason why I haven’t taken over the world yet.  It isn’t the lack of sufficient evil.  If the editors over at Merriam Webster knew about me,  the word “evil” in their dictionary would have my picture next to it.  And I do not lack for genius.  I am always the smartest guy in the room and I know all of the answers to questions asked on television quiz shows.  Nevertheless, I lack the one thing that all successful evil geniuses possess:  membership in the Amalgamation of Evil Geniuses (AEG).

.

.

incorporated

.

The AEG is an international labor union that more or less controls all evil genius activity on this planet.  You can’t really be an evil genius without belonging to AEG.  And to join AEG you must have a secret lair – a private place to conduct your evil experiments and hatch your evil plans.

.

.

steampunk-office4

.

So when my wife and I talked about remodeling our home, I was very excited about the possibilities of including a secret lair in the project.With a secret lair, I finally had a chance of joining AEG – and after that happened, it was only a matter of time before the world would be mine.

.

.

ist2_751755-businessman-s-hands-holding-globe

.

.

The contractor at North State loved the idea.I talked to their architect, who drew up the plans and even made a 3D computer simulation of what my secret lair would look like after it was built.I sat there in the architect’s office as he showed me my underground secret lair – my future laboratory, my control room, my nuclear missile silo, my shark tank and the kitchen where my evil minions could microwave hot pocket snacks.It was a dream come true.

.

.

lost-wall-748621

.

Then I saw the price.  Underground lairs are very, very expensive.  So we began to reduce the project. The shark tank was the first thing to go.  I really didn’t need a shark tank.I could use other means to dispose of the secret agents sent to stop me.

.

pv05

.

Then I gave up the missile silo.Nuclear weapons were old fashioned. I could eventually replace the nuclear missile with a much less expensive death ray.

.

.

death_ray_1

.

Even with these sacrifices, the costs associated with a secret lair were just too high to afford. More and more of what I wanted was cut away until eventually I was left with what amounts to a secret closet in the garage.

.

.

291873758rmcvbj_ph

Don’t get me wrong:the closet is very secret.  Unless you knew what to look for you wouldn’t really notice it.  But it is still a closet.  I can stand in it, but that’s about it.  I really cannot use it to menace the world.

And that is exactly what AEG told me when I sent them a picture of my secret closet attached to my membership application.They wrote and told me

The AEG New Member Selection Committee has decided to hold onto your application until such time that you improve upon your secret lair to meet or exceed AEG’s secret lair standards as described in the AEG publication “So You Think You Have a Secret Lair…” a copy of which is enclosed for your convenience.

.

.

doctor-no-lair-design

.

So I guess my plans for world domination are going to have to wait.  Maybe I should reconsider this whole evil genius thing.In the meantime, I am using my secret closet to store some gardening supplies…

Wait! That gives me an idea – a beautifully evil idea!  I can infect seemingly ordinary gardening supplies to spread bacteria genetically engineered to transform people from home gardeners into an army of zombie slaves!  Mooohahahahah!!

.

.

madscientist_21

.

I am back, baby!

.

DISAPPOINTED WITH OBAMA

Posted in Art, Avatar, Battlestar Galactica, Brave New World, Cinema, Evil Smiley Face, Family and Friends, Fiction, Fire and Ice, Food, Getting it Right, Globalization, Humor, IN MEMORIAM, Internet Fun!, It's not what you think, Life, Mad Men, music, News, Op Ed, Paying Attention, Photography, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rage Against the Machine, Research and Development, Review, Science Fiction, Small Town America, Smiley Face, Stargate Universe, Steampunk, Television, The Matrix, The River of Time, The Wrath of God, Travel, TV with tags on February 24, 2009 by paulboylan


day

People of Earth, we have a new President of the United States, the honeymoon is over, and I miss George Bush.

You may think that the “honeymoon” I speak of is the bipartisan cooperation that traditionally follows a presidential election. During this “honeymoon period,” a newly elected president – either in their first term or re-elected for their second term – can make big changes without much debate. George Washington himself used his “honeymoon period” to support legislation prohibiting discrimination against short people – or, in the parlance of the times “persons of diminutive stature.” Many experts consider this the beginning of what was to become the American Civil Rights Movement.

 

 

Other American Presidents failed to take advantage of their honeymoon period to shape our nation through new legislation. For example, Martin Van Buren hosted nude swimming parties in a pond outside of the White House.

 

Martin Van Buren - party animal.

Martin Van Buren - party animal.

 

Millard Filmore conducted eldritch surgical experiments involving humans and animals.

 

 

Chester A. Arthur required all members of his cabinet to wear masks that looked exactly like him and insisted that, whenever they met, everyone refer to one another only as “Luigi.”

 

 

Such presidential frivolities ended when their respective honeymoons were over.

George W. Bush took full advantage of his honeymoon to enact a tax break for rich people, which not only pissed away a $128 billion budget surplus, but also is one of the primary causes for the $3 trillion deficit Bush left us with – as well as the first domino that fell in the chain of events that created what is shaping up to be a world-wide economic depression.

 


"You want your prosperity back? I got your prosperity right here..."

But the kind of honeymoon that allowed George Washington and George W. Bush to cement their places in history isn’t the “honeymoon” I am talking about. And I am not talking about Obama’s “honeymoon” being over. He didn’t have one. The honeymoon I am talking about is the one between Obama and the American people. All honeymoons end when the mystery vanishes, and there is no mystery about what the Obama administration is going to do.

The next four years are going to be boring – incredibly, mind-numbingly boring.

 

Modern Americans may pick their president with the hopes that they will lead wisely, but we value our presidents, not for their wisdom, but for their entertainment value. It started with John Kennedy. We picked him because he looked good on television. The drama of his presidency – from the Cuban missile crisis to his horrifically tragic assassination – riveted our attention.

 

 

Lyndon Johnson turned out to be entertainingly crazy.

 

 

 

You can’t beat Richard Nixon for entertainment value.

 

 

Gerald Ford is remembered more for falling down a lot than for any of his policy achievements.

 

 

Jimmy Carter continues to entertain us by simply refusing to go away.

 

 

Ronald Reagan, for all his faults and strengths, was fun to listen to and watch.

 

 

George Bush Senior endlessly delighted us by not knowing what a supermarket price scanner was and by having horse manure thrown at him in Brazil.

 

 

Bill Clinton’s rise and fall reminded us of a Greek drama where the hero is a great leader, brought down by a fatal flaw – i.e., an uncontrollable passion for chubby interns.

 

 

Bill Clintons drug of choice.

Bill Clinton's drug of choice.

And America didn’t vote for George Bush as much as we voted against Al Gore because Gore was painfully dull.

 

 

 

 

After only a few weeks in office, it is abysmally clear that we are not going to be entertained by the Obama administration. We made the mistake of choosing a president who is a good family man and thinks through virtually everything he does or says. There will be no improvisation in the Obama administration.

 

 

Which is why I miss George W. Bush. Sure, he was an utter disaster, leaving everything he touched or even considered worse off than it was before it captured his attention. Sure, he made a lot of his rich friends even richer, but the way he did it wrecked the ship we all live on, and – rich or poor – we are all going down as it sinks. As my good for nothing liberal son points out, and I cannot argue against, no single person in the history of the world has left more people around the world worse off for his passing than has George W. Bush.

 

 

But I digress. The point is that, for all his faults – or maybe because of them – George W. Bush was incredibly entertaining. Every time he opened his mouth, something amazing might come out.

 

 

I especially enjoyed watching and listening to Bush mangle the English language as if he were a developmentally disabled eight year old. For example, he referred to himself as “the decider.” He made up his own words, like “subliminable” and “misunderestimate.” You had to laugh when you heard him say things like “I know how hard it is to put food on your family.”

 

foodfight

 

Well, none of that is going to happen in an Obama administration. He is just going to plod along, thinking things through, making sense, grappling with problems no one can solve – and just being no fun to watch or listen to at all.

 

 

Unless I am misunderestimating him.

 

 

 

 

REVIEW: WITHOUT WARNING by John Birmingham

Posted in 3D, American Decline, Art, Artists Rights, Astronomy, Avatar, Barry Goldwater, Battlestar Galactica, Berne Convention, Brave New World, Cinema, Droit de Suite, Droit Moral, Early Elizabethan Knock-Knock Jokes, Evil Smiley Face, Fair Use, Family and Friends, Fiction, Fire and Ice, Food, Free Utilization Doctrine, French Impressionistic Knock-Knock Jokes, Fritz Lang, Getting it Right, Globalization, Hapax Legomenon, Harvey Eisner, Hate Crimes, Headline, Headlines, Hubris, Humor, IN MEMORIAM, Internet Fun!, It's not what you think, Joseph Bleckman, Life, Mad Men, Mad Scientists, Moral Rights, music, News, Nichola Tesla, Op Ed, pandemic, Parody, Paying Attention, Photography, Politics, Pop Culture, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rage Against the Machine, Research and Development, Review, Romance Language Knock-Knock Jokes, Rotwang, Science, Science Fiction, Small Town America, Smiley Face, Space, Stargate Universe, Steampunk, Stupid People, Sumerian Knock-Knock Jokes, Tasmania, Television, The Matrix, The River of Time, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, Travel, TRIPs, TV, Victorian Era Knock-Knock Jokes, Website of the Week, Weird Stuff, What are you sick or something?, Why do people in other countries talk funny? with tags on February 12, 2009 by paulboylan

I just spent the last two days putting off high paying work to read WITHOUT WARNING, the latest novel by John Birmingham.  I’ve never reviewed a book before, so I am compelled to enact what I imagine a book reviewer would say, and this is it:

I experienced John Birmingham’s WITHOUT WARNING in the same manner I would have experienced a full glass of a good California zinfandel: it began strong in character, getting better with each taste and ended with a big finish, making me sad it was gone and leaving me wanting more.

No kidding. It was a really good read. The zinfandel analogy is spot on.  I highly recommend WITHOUT WARNING to the thousands of people who read this blog. Go out and buy it. I promise you won’t be able to put it down, and when you are forced by time and fate to do so, you will be scheming to find time to pick it up and continue.

Okay. I’ve done my book reviewer thing. Now it is time to get back to what I do a little better.

All of the characters – other than Fifi – were memorable. I especially enjoyed seeing the Rhino and a cameo by Murphy.  But the one character I enjoyed most – but didn’t quite get enough of – was Stavros. I LOVED that guy, and I believe he was more pivotal than would appear on first reading.

John Birmingham, where ever you are, please continue to develop this fine, Greek character (whom I suspect also has an Irish ancestry).

The guy on the left has an Irish last name.

As a matter of fact, please consider adding additional Greco-Irish characters, perhaps one that is an attorney with a small liver.  Yeah!  Wouldn’t that be great?  I mean, really, who doesn’t want to read about a character who is half Greek, half Irish – and is an attorney – who gets drunk really, really easily? And, while you’re at it, give him (has to be a guy) Attention Deficit Disorder. And flat feet.  Oh yeah, and he has to be bald.  I mean, that is a must, don’t you think – for verisimilitude and pathos?  Bald middle aged attorneys of Greek/Irish ancestry just reek of pathos. At least I hope that reek is pathos.

I am not a professional writer, but I can tell you that this is a very good idea.

The author of WITHOUT WARNING writing down my idea for possible future reference.

The author of WITHOUT WARNING writing down my idea for possible future reference.

 

And remember: the Wave eats people.

 

THE NEW REPUBLICAN PARTY

Posted in 3D, Art, Astronomy, Avatar, Battlestar Galactica, Brave New World, Cinema, Evil Smiley Face, Family and Friends, Fiction, Fire and Ice, Food, Getting it Right, Globalization, Hate Crimes, Headline, Headlines, Humor, IN MEMORIAM, Internet Fun!, It's not what you think, Joseph Bleckman, Life, Mad Men, music, News, Op Ed, Paying Attention, Photography, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rage Against the Machine, Research and Development, Review, Science, Science Fiction, Small Town America, Smiley Face, Space, Stargate Universe, Steampunk, Tasmania, Television, The Matrix, The River of Time, The Wrath of God, Travel, TV with tags on February 4, 2009 by paulboylan


young-disney1

By Paul Nicholas Boylan,

Columnist

[Reprinted with permission of the Sacramento Valley Mirror, where this article first appeared.]

The Republican National Committee (RNC) has chosen former Maryland Lt. Gov Michael Steele – an African American – to be its Chairman. Several RNC members said it was a historic moment for the party.

.

Michael Steele frowning.

.

“This is a dramatic sign that the Republican Party is the real party of change,” said current RNC chair Mike Duncan. “The GOP is seen as the party that can take a one hundred dollar bill and change it into four twenties,” Duncan said. “But now we will be seen as something else.”

.

Incredibly white women

Incredibly rich, incredibly white women

.

“This is the first step of our effort to reach out to the Negro voter,” said former Tennessee GOP leader Chip Saltzman – who distributed a CD to RNC committee members featuring a song called “Barack the Magic Negro.”

.

Chip Saltzman and his brother Chip

Chip Saltzman and his brother Chip

..

“The liberal media – which is controlled by the Jews,” Saltsman explained, “took that song out of context. I sent that song to each and every RNC member to alert them to the fact that American politics has changed, and we have to change with it.  I believe I helped get Mike chosen as chairman. The song pointed out that the Democrats have a magic Negro, so we need one, too.”

.

.

“It is classic case of one-upsmanship,” Duncan agreed. “So they have a Negro. Well, our negro is better than their Negro,” he said. “The Democrats’ negro is a half-breed.  Our Republican Negro, on the other hand, is full Negro on his mother’s side and his father’s side.  No race mixing miscegenation here. None of our social conservative base can accuse us of promoting the mongrelization of the races.”

.

Angering social conservatives

Angering social conservatives

.

“And our Negro has a Christian name. An American name,” said Track Hemplin, an unemployed grade school custodian and Civil War reenactor. “Our negro is named Michael Steele.  Say it with me – ‘Michael Steele….’ sounds like a football quarterback.    But the Democrats’ Negro is named Barak Hussein Obama.  Hell, that sounds like one of them Mooslam terrorists.  If I’m looking at two male Negros, all things being equal, I would feel more kindly toward the one that isn’t a half breed and has a name that sounds American.” Hemplin admitted.

.

.

“And our Negro has a kung fu grip. And he comes with a vehicle,” Hemplin added.

.

.

Political pundits believe that the RNC’s choosing Steele is a sign of a more fundamental shift in Republican political strategery.  “Historically, racism has worked very well for the Republican Party,” said Dr. Krista Schnurstein, Professor Emeritus of the American Institute of Political Theory. “Racial hate was a unifier and a persuader. Poor, uneducated whites could be persuaded to support Republican candidates – who want to cut their wages, health care and food safety and keep them poor – purely because of their common hatred for black people.  Politicians could take advantage of racial stereotypes to create fear, which would then translate into votes for the “law and order” Republican candidates.”

.

.

“But the effectiveness of racism vanished during Obama’s inauguration,” explained Herman Oberstein, a researcher with the Heritage Foundation. “White America watched in amazement as hundreds of thousands of black people converged on Washington D.C., and yet no one was murdered, no one was shot, no one was stabbed, no one died. Not one white woman had the letter “B” cut backwards into her cheek.  White America was astonished at how unexpectedly well-behaved all those colored folks were.”

.

.

Norman Weisser, a freelance political consultant agrees. “There were no riots. No looting. Nothing,” Weisser said.  “When the world looked out at the faces of those watching and participating in Obama’s inauguration, they didn’t see white and black. They saw Americans.  And that spelled the end of racial division as a political tool.”

.

/

Despite both parties embracing African Americans, racism is still very much alive and will be for the foreseeable future.

“Hate is still great,” proclaims Track Bramble, Exalted Cyclops, “and is still a powerful political force.  Just because the GOP don’t hate Negroes no more don’t mean we can’t hate Hispanics and Greeks – ‘specially those filthy illegal immigrants.  And homosexuals. It is still perfectly okay to hate homos.  And Mooslams.  And women who work outside of the home.  It is still okay to hate them.  And environmentalists. And wine drinking east coast intellectual elites.  And the theory of evolution.  And ugly people.  Dontcha just hate ugly people?”

.

it is still okay to hate them.

East coast intellectuals: it is still okay to hate them.

.

Republican Strategists, however, are anxious to “keep the eyes on the prize” – which is the growing demographic of stupid voters.

.

.

“The true goal here is to convince stupid people to vote Republican,” said the Reverend Billy Bob, Director of the William Robert Law School and Christian Catering Emporium. “Let’s not forget that stupid people are forty-two times more likely to vote Republican than someone who can read and who may have gone to college,” Bob continued.  “Let us also not forget that stupidity is cross-cultural and cross-racial. Just as there are stupid white people who vote Republican, there are stupid black people that might vote Republican, too.”

.

And Republicans will thank them for voting republican.

.

And that is the true importance of the RNC picking an African American to be their chairman.  The choice was more than a sign of change:  it is a desperate and cynical gamble on the adamantine belief that black voters are too stupid to tell the difference between a Republican and a Democrat.

.

.

THE SECRET OF MY (NEW) INTERNET SUCCESS

Posted in 3D, Art, Astronomy, Avatar, Barry Goldwater, Battlestar Galactica, Brave New World, Cinema, Evil Smiley Face, Family and Friends, Fiction, Fire and Ice, Food, Fritz Lang, Getting it Right, Globalization, Hapax Legomenon, Harvey Eisner, Hate Crimes, Headline, Headlines, Humor, IN MEMORIAM, Internet Fun!, It's not what you think, Joseph Bleckman, Life, Mad Men, music, News, Nichola Tesla, Op Ed, Paying Attention, Photography, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rage Against the Machine, Research and Development, Review, Rotwang, Science, Science Fiction, Small Town America, Smiley Face, Space, Stargate Universe, Steampunk, Stupid People, Tasmania, Television, The Matrix, The River of Time, The Wrath of God, Travel, TV, Uncategorized, Website of the Week, Weird Stuff, What are you sick or something?, Why do people in other countries talk funny? on January 29, 2009 by paulboylan

As some of you remember, I wrote an essay during the halcyon days of JournalSpace (JS) musing on my sudden Internet success. After crawling through cyberspace getting a few visitors here and a few there, all of a sudden my blog began being accessed hundreds of times a day.

.

This happened during a cycle where I posted photos related to lesbian equestrians. Apparently, people all over the world were keenly interested in lesbian horse stories.

.

 

 

Better prose than you might suspect.

Better prose than you might suspect.

 

I pandered to this interest as long as I could. But then I broke stride and posted a short essay describing my feelings after the death of a loved one. Whereas the world wide web was peppered with people who couldn’t get enough of lesbians and horses in whatever combination I could conjure up, the combination of love and death acted like bug spray on a bunch of roaches: my international audience disappeared.

.

 

 

 

 

 

.

I am experiencing the same sort of thing here at WordPress. I just reached that magic 5,000-viewer milestone with a sudden stream of viewers.

.

 

 

 

.

Like my Internet success at JournalSpace, my achievement here at WordPress does not stand up to close scrutiny.  Careful inspection shows that my success here at WordPress is an illusion – something I find utterly fascinating.

.

 

 

 

One of the reasons I now prefer WordPress is the wonderful tools WordPress provides to data junkies like me.  JournalSpace let me know who was visiting my blog, but WordPress lets me know why.

 

 

WordPress provides two utilities that place a bright light on the motives of people who visit my blog.  The first of these tools shows me which blogs “referred” others to my blog.  For example, I get a lot of referrals from John Birmingham’s blog

www.cheeseburgergothic.com. /John graciously lists me as a blog he follows and people who read his blog click on that link to access my blog.  I get the same kind of traffic from (in no particular order):

cageliner.blogspot.com

therbs-bar.blogspot.com

bangarrr.wordpress.com

dirkflinthart.blogspot.com

jadedj-banquetofconsequencestoo.blogspot.com

mamagetshergrooveback.blogspot.com

lermontov09.blogspot.com

mokoreturns.blogspot.com

becomingkate-becomingkate.blogspot.com

64poundsofrumpsteakpleasesanta.blogspot.com

rhinorog.blogspot.com

nataliatherussianspy.blogspot.com

gurubob09.blogspot.com

alonewithnoone.blogspot.com

morphinekisses.journalspace.com

puma.journalspace.com

labetine.blogspot.com

lovingdeparture.blogspot.com

sacrificial-doll.blogspot.com

drej08.wordpress.com

loupylou.wordpress.com

truckersjournal.wordpress.com

dorrie.de/F1

wildwesty.wordpress.com

drewsbird.blogspot.com

mirrorone.blogspot.com

captainmando.wordpress.com

nautilis.wordpress.com

karada007.wordpress.com

dkpark.wordpress.com

uamada.wordpress.com

I also get regular referrals from unexpected places, like:

google.com.au

huffingtonpost.com

Apparently Australians and liberals (not always synonymous) are interested in my particular brand of invective.

 

 

 

.

I love seeing and hearing from fellow members of the JS Diaspora.  But these friends and friendly websites count for a fraction of those reading my blog, and it is those anonymous, invisible people whom never comment who interest me most.

 

 

The second WordPress analytical tool I enjoy sheds the most light on the mystery of why people I don’t know from JS visit here – there is a function that lists the search terms people are typing into search engines like google and yahoo people to find my blog.


.

A fair number of these phantoms are interested in me – and I do mean me.  They use the following search terms to find and access my WordPress blog:

Paul Boylan attorney

Paul Nicholas Boylan

Paul Nicholas Boylan’s blog

Paul Nicholas Boylan mug shot

Paul Nicholas Boylan cocaine

Paul Nicholas Boylan criminal record

Paul Nicholas Boylan photo

“Paul Nicholas Boylan” pornography

Paul Nicholas Boylan “I dream of”

“Paul Nicholas Boylan” Darwin

“Paul Nicholas Boylan” gay


My analysis of these particular search terms seems to indicate someone is fishing around on the Internet hoping they can prove I am a drug using homosexual pornographer that spent time in jail for teaching evolution.

.

 

Please don’t be concerned. My legal practice often requires that I become involved in contentious issues. People I represent love me; people whom my clients oppose sometimes hate me, which prompts them to research my background in an attempt to “dig up dirt” about me to publish anonymously on the internet with the hope that, if they can harm my professional and personal reputations, then they can minimize my effectiveness as an advocate, counselor and advisor. It comes with the turff.

.

.

 

1-rotwang-in-contemplation

.

But those desiring to learn more about my life of lust and crime are very few.  The majority of my visitors are interested in something else.

They are deeply interested in Sarah Palin.

.

 

 

 

.

Every day I get hundreds of hits on my site by people who got here using the following search terms:


sarah palin

sara palin

sarah palin pictures

sarah palin sexist picture

sarah palin naked

naked sarah palin

sarah palin dominatrix

sarah palin suspended

sarah palin 2012

palin in superbowl ad 2009

dirty photos of sarah palin

sarah palin in black face

sarah palin ball gag

Palin boots

sarah palin in boots, pictures

sarah palin cocaïne call girl

revealing “sarah palin”

sarah palin stupid

sarah palin, mund auf, augen zu

sarah palin leather skirt

sarah palin ass

sarah palin stripper

free sarah palin pictures

sara palin look a like

sarah palin without glasses

sarah palin pouting

 


There are more, but you get the drift.

So, the reason why my blog is receiving significant and unexpected traffic is because I posted a couple of political pieces about Sarah Palin little realizing that, for many, many people out there in cyber land, Sarah Palin is a fetish.

I’m not sure how to react to this insight.

 

Sarah Palin in leather playing video game

Sarah Palin in leather playing video game

Sarah relaxing at home after being Governor

Sarah relaxing at home after being Governor

Sarah and two boy toys

Sarah and two "boy toys"

Palins actual feet and shoes.

Palin's actual feet and shoes.

 

palin-629618_f260

.

.

MY FAVORITE MUSIC VIDS 1.1

Posted in Getting it Right with tags on January 18, 2009 by paulboylan

Nothing need be said.

MY FAVORITE MUSIC VIDS 1.0

Posted in Getting it Right with tags on January 17, 2009 by paulboylan

My increasingly relentless exploration of YouTube constantly surprises me.  An astonishing amount of that which is posted is pure and utter junk in every possible way something can be junk.

And that includes music vids.  I’ve learned that most music vids are a mistake.  They do nothing to express or add to the original song. Often the vid is so bad that it takes what is a good song in the mind of the listener and renders it forever tainted by providing a poor choice of images to accompany the music.

But sometimes, the vids don’t supplant the music and don’t ruin it.  Sometimes the artists get it right.  More often it is about mood and spirit more than illustration, which is utterly destroyed by lack of creative vision.

Worse yet, so many vids show an abysmal waste of money.  The best spend the least and get more.

I will forever be grateful to my good friend Paul Zimmelman for introducing me to They Might Be Giants – a teeny, tiny band composed of what looks like two incredibly tallented nerds who have lots and lots of nerd friends that they party with and, at the same time, make art.

I love this next song.  It is strangely sweet.  And the vid provides fun energy.  I would love to have been there when it was being filmed just to say I was part of it.

If at all possible, we should all be so lucky as to have a little bird house in our souls.

HOTTER THAN YOU 1.1

Posted in 3D, Art, Astronomy, Avatar, Battlestar Galactica, Brave New World, Cinema, Evil Smiley Face, Family and Friends, Fiction, Fire and Ice, Food, Getting it Right, Globalization, Hate Crimes, Headline, Headlines, Humor, IN MEMORIAM, Internet Fun!, It's not what you think, Joseph Bleckman, Life, Mad Men, music, News, Op Ed, Paying Attention, Photography, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rage Against the Machine, Research and Development, Review, Science, Science Fiction, Small Town America, Smiley Face, Space, Stargate Universe, Steampunk, Tasmania, Television, The Matrix, The River of Time, The Wrath of God, Travel, TV with tags on January 4, 2009 by paulboylan

My good friend, Christine, took issue with HOTTER THAN YOU 1.0, posted previously.  She opined, quite correctly, that she is hotter than the woman depicted in HOTTER THAN YOU 1.0.

The point of this series of photos is to show hot COUPLES, not two hot people together.

For example, the two people in the following photo are, frankly, not all that hot. But put them together, and you magically get a hot couple that is probably hotter than you and your significant other.

.

.

Christine, I am not in any way saying that you are not hotter than Victoria Beckham. But I am saying that David and Victoria together are hotter that you and – well, take your pick.

If I am wrong,  any of you are welcomed to send a photo proving it and I will gladly post it within this series.

.

.

MUST SEE: an early experiment in sound recording (Circa 1865)

Posted in 3D, Art, Astronomy, Avatar, Battlestar Galactica, Brave New World, Cinema, Evil Smiley Face, Family and Friends, Fiction, Fire and Ice, Food, Getting it Right, Globalization, Hate Crimes, Headline, Headlines, Humor, IN MEMORIAM, Internet Fun!, It's not what you think, Joseph Bleckman, Life, Mad Men, music, News, Op Ed, Paying Attention, Photography, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rage Against the Machine, Research and Development, Review, Science, Science Fiction, Small Town America, Smiley Face, Space, Stargate Universe, Steampunk, Tasmania, Television, The Matrix, The River of Time, The Wrath of God, Travel, TV with tags on January 3, 2009 by paulboylan

WARNING: HOMO-EROTIC CONTENT

One of the most pressing ironies of this new electronic age is what is being lost as so much is being gained.  Through the Internet we are gaining a somewhat permanent historical record of events.  Future generations will look back and mark history, not by the birth of Christ (BC/AD) but BI and AI (Before the Internet and After the Internet).  If your great-great grandchildren want to know what happened today, they will access the true historical record as preserved online.

But, as rich as the historical record has become due to Google, Youtube and Ebay and the mega-terabyte archives being constructed to hold it all, our connection with the past that existed prior to the Internet is rapidly disappearing.  We are forgetting what life was like before the Information Age.  And when that happens, we will be the lesser, and will be prone to making mistakes becasue the lessons of the past will have vanished.

So, in this context, please view the vid I feature below.  I found it on Youtube, and it memorializes one of the earliest experiments attempting to synchronize film with sound – which eventually revolutionized cinema and lead directly to the computer you are using to view this little piece of history.

I give you the Fathers of the Internet in all their glory.

Enjoy.

:)

A BOYLAN NEW YEAR’S FAMILY TRADITION

Posted in American Decline, Art, Artists Rights, Astronomy, Avatar, Barry Goldwater, Battlestar Galactica, Berne Convention, Brave New World, Cinema, Droit de Suite, Droit Moral, Early Elizabethan Knock-Knock Jokes, Evil Smiley Face, Fair Use, Family and Friends, Fiction, Fire and Ice, Food, Free Utilization Doctrine, French Impressionistic Knock-Knock Jokes, Fritz Lang, Getting it Right, Globalization, Hapax Legomenon, Harvey Eisner, Hate Crimes, Headline, Headlines, Hubris, Humor, IN MEMORIAM, Internet Fun!, It's not what you think, Joseph Bleckman, Life, Mad Men, Mad Scientists, Moral Rights, music, News, Nichola Tesla, Op Ed, pandemic, Parody, Paying Attention, Photography, Politics, Pop Culture, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, Pycho-Social Trauma, Rage Against the Machine, Research and Development, Review, Romance Language Knock-Knock Jokes, Rotwang, Science, Science Fiction, Small Town America, Smiley Face, Space, Stargate Universe, Steampunk, Stupid People, Sumerian Knock-Knock Jokes, Tasmania, Television, The Matrix, The River of Time, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, Travel, TRIPs, TV, Victorian Era Knock-Knock Jokes, Website of the Week, Weird Stuff, What are you sick or something?, Why do people in other countries talk funny? with tags on January 2, 2009 by paulboylan

large-traditional-family4

.

I must say I am somewhat shocked and surprised – but not yet astonished – by how many visitors this, my new blog, has seen.  I see many familiar faces from the now legendary JournalSpace diaspora. But I see an unexpected number of new faces, too.

My new friends are asking me some of the same questions my old friends asked me when they first encountered the grandure of my bearing.  That isn’t a another way of saying they were shocked by how overweight I am. That is not what I am saying.  To be honest, I could use to lose a few pounds.  But who couldn’t, especially after the holiday season when we cannot escape from running into food that we really aught not eat?

But I digress.  I have recently been asked “what happened that made you this way?”

I am forced by habit and custom to interpret questions like this to mean “what are the forces in your life that shaped the man you are today?”  I, too, have asked myself this very same question many, many times.  The answer is always the same: my family made me what I am today.

In particular, it is the family traditions handed down from generation to generation that have engendered the – person – that writes these words.  And no time are my family traditions more apparent  than at the start of a new year.

I am not sure how it started or why, but it has become a tradition throughout my family that, on or before New Years Day, we share with each other photos or videos of our pets eating.  You may find this strange, but it is a tradition, okay? And that makes it worth respecting.  Traditions are the bedrock of moral values, and it is moral values that made America great.

My Great  Aunt Hilda has a pet snake.  A really big one.  This is a vid of her snake, Princess Precious, eating a rabbit.

.

.

\.

.,

[Thank God this video no longer exists.]

From my family to yours, have a very happy new year.  When all is said and done, we are only that which is reflected in the collective face of our family.

Which is why I’ve taken steps to cut myself off  from mine.  I have a big family. It is going to take time.

.

SOMETHING SPOOKY

Posted in Cinema, Family and Friends, Getting it Right, Joseph Bleckman, Mad Men, The Matrix, The River of Time, The Wrath of God, Uncategorized, Weird Stuff, Why do people in other countries talk funny? with tags on December 31, 2008 by paulboylan

There used to be a kind of cinema called “classic horror.”  This school of cinema emphasized psychological scares as opposed to direct threats like someone coming at you with a knife.  Those who mad these movies believed that the scarriest things were those things you could not see and could only imagine.

The last of the classic horror movies came out in 1957 and was called Night of the Demon (renamed Curse of the Demon for the U.S. Release).  Here is a small clip to give you a bit of the flavour of what classic horror was all about.

.

.

.

TIME FOR A PEASANT UPRISING

Posted in 3D, Art, Astronomy, Avatar, Battlestar Galactica, Brave New World, Cinema, Fire and Ice, Frankenstein, Getting it Right, Globalization, Hate Crimes, Headlines, It's not what you think, Joseph Bleckman, Mad Men, News, Op Ed, Paying Attention, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Stargate Universe, Steampunk, Television, The Matrix, The River of Time, The Wrath of God, Travel, TV with tags on December 23, 2008 by paulboylan


As all of you who visit here regularly know, I believe there is no more powerful force for good in the whole universe than unbridled rage. It was rage against the darkness and cold that lead to the invention of fire.  It was anger over taxation without representation that fermented the First American Revolution.  Star Trek was saved from cancellation and by angry fans. True, they could be angry only until 10:00 PM, when their mothers made them turn off the basement light and go to sleep, but it was their righteous, dorky anger that saved the show and made it into the billion dollar franchise it is today.


star-trek-dorks

.

My friends, its time to get angry again, and I am not kidding. It is time to get the pitchforks out, light the torches, and drive the monster into the burning windmill. It is time to rise up and let the bastards know they can’t get away with it again.

.

The bastards I reference are those bloated, seven-home owning, corporate jet flying a-holes who run the American banks that recently came to congress with cups in their hands asking for money to save them from financial ruin.


Please capitalize our profits, but socialize our debts.

Frankenstein, Wolfman, Dracula and Dr. X begging for another chance.

.

And they got the money they asked for – hundreds of billions of dollars of taxpayer money.  Joe Six Pack who lost his job and was kicked out of his home because he can’t pay his ever-expanding mortgage didn’t get a nickel.  But the hugely rich slobs walked into an avalanche of money – and took it all.

I'm doing this for the good of the nation.

I'm doing this for the good of the nation.

.

Please remember why they asked for all that money.  They wanted the money to cover up their really, really bad business decisions prompted by greed so powerful that it blinded them to the common sense a cockroach has.

"Students, never, ever do this."

.

And here is the beauty part: they told congress that the scope and depth of their failure was SO big that, if they went under, they would take all of us with them.  They argued that they needed to be bailed out because, if they went out of business, billions around the world would be homeless and unemployed, food riots would spread across the world, and the global economy would collapse.


.

In other words, their mistakes brought the whole world to the brink of utter disaster. Their greed did what international terror; global warming and the Ebola virus didn’t and couldn’t do. Their burning desires to get filthy rich risked destroying the world.

Do you blame the American Congress for shoving money at them?  I sure don’t.  Hell, everyone was terrified, and most still are. I’m stockpiling peppercorns and other spices because I am afraid the international distribution system is going to collapse making the price of anything imported too expensive to buy.

vietnamese black pepper

vietnamese black pepper

So we did what Americans do in a crisis: we threw money at it – lots and lots of money, more money than we have thrown at any problem since the founding of our nation.  And those who knowingly manufactured the problem took the money and went away.


I'm doing this for the good of the nation.

.

Well, now they’ve spent it, primary on bonuses paid to themselves, and they have their hands out for more.


277_cartoon_bank_bailout_hurwitt_small_over


None of this makes me angry.  Not a bit. What makes me angry is that those same banks refuse to tell anybody how they have spent and are spending the money.

I am not kidding. The Associated Press – which I consider the watchdog for the People – contacted 21 banks that received at least one billion dollars each, and asked four simple questions:

How much has been spent?

    What was it spent on?

    How much is being held back for the bank’s own reserves?

    What’s the plan for the rest?

When I read these questions I thought “very reasonable.”  At the bare minimum I want to know the answers to these exact questions.  They were given my money. They were given your money.  We should know how much they’ve spent, what they spent it on, now much they haven’t spend and what they plan for it.

Well, guess what? They won’t tell us.

No kidding.  These banks – who came to congress hats in hand predicting doomsday if they didn’t get cash fast – won’t tell anyone how what they’ve done or are doing or plan on doing with the money.  What they are basically asking us to do is trust them with our money.


check's in the mail, and I promise not to c

check's in the mail, and I promise not to c


Are they out of their cholesterol-choked brains?  We trusted them before and they blew it big time.  We de-regulated them and trusted them to do what was good and right and they abused our trust by doing what was good for them in the short term and disastrous for us in the long term


You will never get a complimentary copy. Ever.

You will never get a complimentary copy. Ever.

.

And now they want what they are doing with or money kept secret – just like before – while they do what they did before.

.

another-foreclosed-home

This is how they want to walk their dogs. All it takes is money.

This is how they want to walk their dogs. All it takes is money.


And that is what makes me angry.  And it should make you angry, too. They are acting like nothing has changed. But it has changed. When we gave them our money to bail them out from their own mistakes, it wasn’t a loan – it was a purchase.  We OWN them now.  They work for us now.

.

real-angry

.

.

When we bailed the financial system out, we nationalized that industry. Don’t mumble about the evils of socialism. It is too late for that.  The government now owns those banks, and the government is us. All of us.

.

.

82030757AR008_BARACK_OBAMA_


So it is time for a little accountability. It is time those fat cats learned who is now boss.  They better damn well answer those four questions, and if they don’t, it is time for the peasants to revolt. It is time to chase a few of them with pitchforks and torches.


"Where are the bastards that did this to us?"
“Where are the bastards that did this to us?”

.

For better or worse, it is our world now.  We bought it by bailing out the banks that previously owned it.  Let’s not let them screw us again. It is high time for some answers to some straightforward questions.

You can only push the peasants so far before they take matters into their own hands.

You can only push the peasants so far before they take matters into their own hands.

.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 41 other followers