Archive for the Humor Category

HITLER ON THE ROOF

Posted in amusant, And now the snorting starts, Art, Avatar, buffo, Film, gülen yüz, greannmhar, Humor, Internet Fun!, kluchtig, lächerlich, neşeli, скарлетт йоханссон, Parody, Photography, Pop Culture, snaaks, Television, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, Weird Stuff, سكارليت جوهانسون on August 10, 2013 by paulboylan

unhappy cat

“This is bullshit.”

*

So I’m at Cafe Bernardo in Davis eating breakfast with Steve and Cindy – friends visiting from Kansas City – when, as a joke (perhaps a bad joke) I suggest an idea for a parody of the musical film Fiddler on the Roof.

.

fiddler_on_the_roof

My parody was entitled Hitler on the Roof.  

Years ago, I had a similar idea for a gay version of the Oklahoma! that I decided to memorialize using photoshop:

.

oklahomo .

That night I devoted significant time with photoshop to creating this:

.

Hitler 15.1

.

I was quite please with my efforts.  But the next morning I began to wonder if anyone thought of it before I did.

.

Someone did.  A Google Image search found this, posted in 2007:

.

HitlerOnTheRoof

.

I dug a bit deeper and found that I wasn’t just late, I was way, way behind in marrying Hitler to Hollywood:

.

SaturdayNightFuhrer-1

. close . AdolfHitlersDayOff . AnimalHaus . Teutonic . GestaposComingToDinner . Aryans-1 . BackToTheFuhrer .

AllIWantForChristmasIsPoland

. FuhrerEyesOnly . HeilYouWereSleeping . DoTheReichThing . TheMuppetsTakeMunchen . TheGreenHeil . Hitlergeist . RaisingHitler . SingleWhiteFuhrer . TopHun . AdolfScissorhands . LostInInvasion . TheNakedHun . KnockedUpByHitler .   . . . . . .FailureToLaunch . TheWeddingFuhrer . TradingRaces .

And for the kids – DeutschlandBeforeTime .

THE SECRET TO MY EXTREMELY SUCCESSFUL AND HAPPY MARRIAGE

Posted in おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, buffo, космическая девушка, пицца, Early Elizabethan Knock-Knock Jokes, gülen yüz, German Reformation Knock-Knock Jokes (1520-1553), greannmhar, Humor, 재미, αστείος, kluchtig, lächerlich, Lord of the Rings Knock-Knock Jokes, love, neşeli, смешной, Pre Columbian Knock-Knock Jokes, snaaks, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, 滑稽, מצחיק, خنده on January 26, 2012 by paulboylan

.

Sex?  Sex is overrated.  Good sex is not the key to a successful and happy marriage.

Don’t get me wrong – sex is great.  Good sex is even better. And it is key.  But, in all honesty, by itself, it isn’t enough. I know plenty of guys great in bed who ended up alone.

The secret to my incredibly successful and happy marriage is the simple fact that, at least once a day, I make my wife laugh.

I don’t even pretend to understand it.  But, for some incredibly fucking mysterious reason, the tides of time and evolution have programmed women to want to be with men who make them laugh.

I think it has something to do with demonstrating that you “care.”  I don’t know what that means. Seriously.  I am, at rock bottom, an average guy. I have no idea what women want or need, especially when it comes to “caring” – which seems so important to women, but is so alien to men.

But, in order to make a woman laugh, you have to really, really, understand her. You have to know exactly those aspects of her personality and psyche that trigger a belly laugh. Preferably an uncontrollable belly laugh.  Yes. That is the best.  When your woman experiences an uncontrollable belly laugh that you engendered it is an amazing event, a magical moment, and it ends with love light shining out of her eyes.

And to be able to do that, a man must truly understand his woman. And, perhaps, that demonstrates the “caring” women seem to crave.

Whatever. Tonight I am waiting for the exactly perfect time, the perfect moment when something I say results in my wife, the love of my life, involuntarily laughing, with – if God is with me – champagne shooting out of her nose.

Verweile doch; du bist so schön. So, so schön.

.

HEADLINE – Scarlett Johansson Opens Up about Divorce

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Headline, Headlines, Hubris, Humor, Isnt nature wonderful?, ανόητο άτομα, Mad Men, News, скарлетт йоханссон, ученые, Photography, Romance Language Knock-Knock Jokes, Science Fiction, Stupid People, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, טילים, سكارليت جوهانسون on October 16, 2011 by paulboylan

MUNCIE, Indiana – Actress Scarlett Johansson is finally opening up about her divorce from Ryan Reynolds, which was finalized this past June.

.

.

In a candid interview with German magazine GALA, the usually tight-lipped star revealed what caused her marriage’s demise. “I can be overcritical. And I don’t compromise,” she said. “I pass judgment on people quite quickly. If I don’t agree with someone or if I’m annoyed I will tell people to their face — no matter how hurtful that might be.”

.

.

“In other words, Ryan left her because she is a total bitch,” an anonymous source summarized.

.

.

Ryan Reynolds had no comment. Friends say he is in seclusion and receiving counseling from Fisher Stevens.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/14/scarlett-johansson-divorce_n_1011485.html

HEADLINE – Japanese Official Resigns Over Radiation Joke

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Humor, Japan, News, ученые, Our animal friends, Politics, rimshot wav download, The Wilhelm Scream, Travel, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, טילים on September 10, 2011 by paulboylan

"Hey, it's great to be here."

TOKYO — Just over a week after he took office, Prime Minister Yoshihiko Noda of Japan suffered his first political setback on Saturday when the new minister of trade and industry resigned after a joke about radiation caused a public uproar.

The industry minister, Yoshio Hachiro, stepped down after apologies failed to quell calls for his resignation within his own governing Democratic Party. The party appeared to be moving quickly to control damage to Mr. Noda’s government.

“The government is not responsible for Mr. Hachiro’s general poor performance, including his incomplete set up and lack of comic timing,” Mr. Noda said Saturday.

“They should have known what to expect when the press conference announcement said there was a two drink minimum,” said Shecky Watanabe, Japanese Minister for Economic Development, followed by a rimshotv from his drummer.

HEADLINE – Bin Laden sought name change, rebranding for Al Qaeda

Posted in dada, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, Evil Smiley Face, Globalization, Headline, Headlines, Humor, morbidly obese gymnasts, News, Politics, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, The Wrath of God, Travel, USA! USA! USA!, Why do people in other countries talk funny? on June 25, 2011 by paulboylan

The new, smiling, friendly face of international terror.

WASHINGTON—As Osama bin Laden watched his terrorist organization get picked apart, he lamented in his final writings that Al Qaeda was suffering from a marketing problem. He proposed Al Qaeda get a fresh start with a new name.

A friendlier image.

“The Crusader war against us has caused our name to lose its positive, favorable impression with the public,” Bin Laden wrote sometime in 2010. “We need a new, friendlier image,” Bin Laden concluded.

Bin Laden went on to make suggestions for a new name, including “Pal Qaeda,” “Jihad Is Us” and “Wahabi Wally’s Freedom Emporium.”  Al Qaeda in Iraq (AQR) lobbied hard to change their name to “Starbucks” or “Target” but Bin Laden warned his followers against choosing a name “that will only serve to draw us into protracted and expensive litigation, not to mention one that will cause great consumer confusion.”

Some of Starbuck's lawyers.

Al Queda in the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP) suggested “The Ass Bomb Group” but Bin Laden chided AQAP and warned them not to choose a name that limited Al Qaeda’s operational parameters.

“I know how much you guys like to hide bombs in the rectums of idiot converts,” Bin Laden wrote, 

Idiot recruit (they actually convinced him to let them shove a bomb up his poop chute).

“…but a joke – even one that is rich with dramatic irony – should not create the framework within which we operate. If we called ourselves the Ass Bomb Group, that name choice would create a momentum to only use ass bombs to sow fear among the opponents of God.  As funny as that would be, humor should not limit our operational options.”

Bin Laden wrote one final letter instructing his followers to hire “some New York public relations firm” to help Al Qaeda come up with a catchy new name, a PR firm “preferably with a lot of Jews. Jews are so good at that kind of thing.  The Irish, not so much,” Bin Laden stated.

 

a public relations disaster.

The letter, which was undated, was discovered among bin Laden’s recent writings. Navy SEALs stormed his compound and killed him before any name change could be made. 

Federal Express

.

Source: bin-laden-sought-name-change-rebranding-for-al-qaeda

.

HEADLINE – Chileans living near volcano urged to stay away

Posted in dada, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, Fire and Ice, Hapax Legomenon, Headline, Headlines, Humor, Isnt nature wonderful?, News, Photography, Science, The Wrath of God, Why do people in other countries talk funny? on June 12, 2011 by paulboylan

.

SANTIAGO, Chile — Chilean officials urged residents already evacuated from homes near an erupting volcano to stay in shelters and with family and friends. 

“We are not ordering you to do anything,” Chilean vulcanologist Hugo Moreno said to a crowd of refuges. “We are merely urging you to stay away.”

About 4,000 Chileans have been evacuated since the Cordon Caulle volcano began erupting June 4.

Chilean officials wanted to make it clear that they are advising residents only. “For example,” Moreno continued, “let’s say that I tell you that a river of lava is on its way to totally destroy your village, if I were to tell you that, and I am not, then I would only be doing so as a courtesy and I would not be ordering you to stay away.  You may decide to go there and check it out for yourself. If you are that kind of person, then that’s perfectly fine.” 

Chile has more than 3,000 volcanoes along its Andean spine, and 500 of these are considered geologically active. About 60 Of these have erupted in the past 450 years.

“But I do urge you to stay away,” Moreno added. “But that’s not an order. It is just a suggestion that I very strongly make, that you stay away. But don’t stay away if you don’t want to. It’s totally your choice,” Moreno concluded.

The Cordon Caulle is located 620 miles (1,000 kilometers) south of the Chilean capital, Santiago.

Source: http://article/AL56

.

HEADLINE – Gates rebukes European allies in farewell speech

Posted in Arab Spring, Brave New World, dada, disembodied heads of the rich and famous, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, French Impressionistic Knock-Knock Jokes, German Reformation Knock-Knock Jokes (1520-1553), Headline, Headlines, Humor, News, Politics, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, Rage Against the Machine, Romance Language Knock-Knock Jokes, ruthless dictator knock-knock jokes, USA! USA! USA!, Why do people in other countries talk funny? on June 10, 2011 by paulboylan

"I hate you most of all," Gates said.

.

OSLO – In an unusually stinging speech, made on his valedictory visit to Europe before he retires at the end of the month, Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates rebuked some of America’s staunchest allies Friday, saying the United States “is sick and tired of all you cheese eating, beer swilling, butt pinching surrender monkeys.”

“It’s been real and it’s been fun,” Gates continued, “but it hasn’t been real fun. I personally am not going to miss any of you, especially the Germans. What is up with you Germans, cozying up to the Russians? You think you can trust them? Really?”

Gates heaped insults upon the stunned and mostly silent foreign dignitaries in the room – and he didn’t stop with Europe.

“And you Muslims, especially you Arab Muslims, snap out of it. This whole jihad thing is just sad. Do what you need to do to put a stop to it. Those few homicidal morons are making all of you look bad. And your “Arab Spring” is a joke. You can yell and scream all you want but it isn’t going to change anything. When push comes to shove, your dictatorial governments will crush you like bugs just as Syria has done and is doing.”

“And Africa,” Gates said. “I am so tired of you people.  Why can’t you just get along?”

“Screw you guys, I’m going home,” Gates concluded and abruptly left the building.


Source: http://www.washingtonpost.com/story.html

..

%d bloggers like this: