Archive for the IN MEMORIAM Category

IN MEMORIAM – RICHARD MATHESON

Posted in IN MEMORIAM on June 25, 2013 by paulboylan

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Richard Matheson copy

February 20, 1926 – June 23, 2013

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Born Of Man And Woman

by Richard Matheson

X — This day when it had light mother called me retch. You retch she said. I saw in her eyes the anger. I wonder what it is a retch.

This day it had water falling from upstairs. It fell all around. I saw that. The ground of the back I watched from the little window. The ground it sucked up the water like thirsty lips. It drank too much and it got sick and runny brown. I didn’t like it.

Mother is a pretty I know. In my bed place with cold walls around I have a paper things that was behind the furnace. It says on it SCREENSTARS. I see in the pictures faces like of mother and father. Father says they are pretty. Once he said it. And also mother he said. Mother so pretty and me decent enough. Look at you he said and didnt have the nice face. I touched his arm and said it is alright father. He shook and pulled away where I couldn’t reach. Today mother let me off the chain a little so I could look out the little window. Thats how l saw the water falling from upstairs.

XX — This day it had goldness in the upstairs. As I know when I looked at it my eyes hurt. After I look at it the cellar is red.

I think this was church. They leave the upstairs. The big machine swallows them and rolls out past and is gone. In the back part is the little mother. She is much small than me. lam I can see out the little window all I like.

In this day when it got dark I had eat my food and some bugs. I hear laughs upstairs. I like to know why there are laughs for. I took the chain from the wall and wrapped it around me. I walked squish to the stairs.

They creak when I walk on them. My legs slip on them because I dont walk on stairs. My feet stick to the wood. I went up and opened a door. It was a white place. White as white jewels that come from upstairs sometime. I went in and stood quiet. I hear the laughing some more. I walk to the sound and look through to the people. More people than I thought was. I thought I should laugh with them.

Mother came out and pushed the door in. It hit me and hurt. I fell back on the smooth floor and the chain made noise. I cried. She made a hissing noise into her and put her hand on her mouth. Her eyes got big. She looked at me. I heard father call. What fell he called. She said a iron board. Come help pick it up she said. He came and said now is that so heavy you need. He saw me and grew big. The anger came in his eyes. He hit me. I spilled some of the drip on the floor from one arm. It was not nice. It made ugly green on the floor.

Father told me to go to the cellar. I had to go. The light it hurt some now in my eyes. It is not so like that in the cellar.

Father tied my legs and arms up. He put me on my bed. Upstairs I heard laughing while I was quiet there looking on a black spider that was swinging down to me. I thought what father said. Ohgod he said. And only eight.

XXX — This day father hit in the chain again before it had light. I have to try pull it out again. He said I was bad to come upstairs. He said never do that again or he would beat me hard. That hurts. I hurt. I slept the day and rested my head against the cold wall. I thought of the white place upstairs.

XXXX — I got the chain from the wall out. Mother was upstairs. I heard little laughs very high. I looked out the window. I saw all little people like the little mother and little fathers too. They are pretty.

They were making nice noise and jumping around the ground. Their legs was moving hard. They are like mother and father. Mother says all right people look like they do.

One of the little fathers saw me. He pointed at the window. I let go and slid down the wall in the dark. I curled up as they would not see. I heard their talks by the window and foots running. Upstairs there was a door hitting. I heard the little mother call upstairs. I heard heavy steps and I rushed in my bed place. I hit the chain in the wall and lay down on my front.

I heard my mother come down. Have you been at the window she said. I heard the anger. Stay away from the window. You have pulled the chain out again.

She took the stick and hit me with it. I didnt cry. I cant do that. But the drip ran all over the bed. She saw it and twisted away and made a noise. Oh mygodmygod she said why have you done this to me? I beard the stick go bounce on the stone floor. She ran upstairs. I slept the day.

XXXXX — This day it had water again. When mother was upstairs I heard the little one come slow down the steps. I hidded myself in the coal bin for mother would have anger if the little mother saw me.

She had a little live thing with her. It walked on the arms and had pointy ears. She said things to it. It was all right except the live thing smelled me. It ran up the coal and looked down at me. The hairs stood up. In the throat it made an angry noise. I hissed but it jumped on me.

I didnt want to hurt it. I got fear because it bit me harder than the rat does. I hurt and the little mother screamed. I grabbed the live thing tight. It made sounds I never heard. I pushed it all together. It was all lumpy and red on the black coal.

I hid there when mother called. I was afraid of the stick. She left. I crept over the coal with the thing. I hid it under my pillow and rested on it. I put the chain in the wall again.

X — This is another times. Father chained me tight. I hurt because he beat me. This time I hit the stick out of his hands and made noise. He went away and his lace was white. He ran out of my bed place and locked the door.

I am not so glad. All day it is cold in here. The chain comes slow out of the wall. And I have a bad anger with mother and father. I will show them. I will do what I did that once.

I will screech and laugh loud. I will run on the walls. Last I will hang head down by all my legs and laugh and drip green all over until they are sorry they didn’t be nice to me.
If they try to beat me again Ill hurt them. I will.

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THE CURLY SHUFFLE

Posted in amusant, And now the snorting starts, Art, buffo, greannmhar, IN MEMORIAM, 재미, αστείος, kluchtig, lächerlich, neşeli, скарлетт йоханссон, Paying Attention, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, snaaks, مصارعه, مضحکہ خیز, خنده on May 19, 2012 by paulboylan

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Those knuckle-heads are beginning to scuffle.

They push, and they shove, doing the Curly Shuffle…

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HEADLINE – Colleagues, friends react to death of Mike Wallace

Posted in Headline, Headlines, IN MEMORIAM, News on April 9, 2012 by paulboylan

“I’m glad the mother fucker is dead,” said Robert Benson, a journalist working in Santa Monica, California and a colleague of Mike Wallace, who passed away today.  “Wallace was a world class asshole. As I said, I’m glad he’s dead.”

“I will miss him,” said Tammy Singlton, Mike Wallace’s friend of two years. “Mike was a wonderful social host,” said Singleton.

Other friends and colleagues reacted to Wallace’s death in a similar manner.

HEADLINE – Egypt’s Coptic Christians hold second vigil for Pope Shenouda

Posted in Headline, Headlines, IN MEMORIAM, 재미, News, скарлетт йоханссон, The Wrath of God, The Wrath of Khan, مضحك, مضحکہ خیز, 滑稽, מצחיק on March 18, 2012 by paulboylan

CAIRO – The huge success of Pope Shenouda’s first vigil has prompted vigil organizers to hold a second vigil.

“The first vigil was the best vigil ever,” enthused Rhappi Kanasta, vigil organizer. “The crowds were so big we had to turn away thousands of disappointed people,” Kanasta said.

“I was really sad when I couldn’t get into the first vigil,” said Selma Heptman, who purchased tickets but was turned away at the gate. “But now there will be a second vigil, and I am going to go wait in line the night before to make sure I get a good seat,” Heptman said.

Vigil organizers have not ruled out holding a third vigil in the coming weeks.

“It all depends on the demand,” Kanasta said. “But I can tell you we haven’t seen anything like this since the Paul McCartney concert last June.”

“You’ve seen the body. Now buy the T-shirt,” Kanasta added.

WEBSITE OF THE WEEK – A peek into the past

Posted in amusant, And now the snorting starts, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, buffo, dada, Dogs, gülen yüz, greannmhar, IN MEMORIAM, 재미, kluchtig, lächerlich, neşeli, скарлетт йоханссон scarlett johansson, photograph, Photography, Pop Culture, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, Pycho-Social Trauma, Review, Small Town America, USA! USA! USA!, مضحك, مضحکہ خیز, Website of the Week, 滑稽, טילים, خنده دار, سكارليت جوهانسون scarlett johansson on January 16, 2012 by paulboylan

We live in a amazing place in time and space.  Never before in the history of the world has so much esoteric information been literally at our fingertips.  For most humans there is little value in an instant – almost godlike – ability to access information.  But for people like me – who see the entire purpose of existence as a desperate devotion, an inevitably futile lifelong quest to intellectually and emotionally grasp the absurd – living in the Information Age provides a spiritual high every time we go online.

Which brings me to my new favorite website, List of the Day.  Check out great-olan-mills-photos.html  for a taste of what is offered.  On this one page someone went through the significant trouble of collecting together stock photos from some of the photography studios that proliferated in the United States during the 1970’s.  Here is a small sample of what is offered:

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These photos were displayed as advertisement for a photo studio’s photographic services.  My, my, my, how times have changed.

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BEYOND THE GRAVE – Interview with Ned Kelly

Posted in Australia, おかしなふるまいの, Celebrity, Cinema, Cowboys and Aliens, Crime and Punishment, disembodied heads of the rich and famous, пицца, good guys and bad guys, greannmhar, IN MEMORIAM, 재미, kluchtig, lächerlich, скарлетт йоханссон scarlett johansson, Review, snaaks, The Great State of Montana!, Uncategorized, مضحك, مضحکہ خیز, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, 滑稽, מצחיק, خنده دار on January 14, 2012 by paulboylan

Famed “Bush Ranger” Ned Kelly returns from the dead to participate in a frankly fictitious interview where he reveals the issues he cares about most.

PEOPLE OF EARTH: Mr. Kelly –

NED KELLY:  Call me Ned, cobber.

POE: Okay. Ned. It is a true pleasure and a real thrill to be speaking with you today.  I don’t mind saying that you are one of my all time biggest heroes.

KELLY: (Laughs, phlegm rattling in his bronchia, followed by a small cough) Hero? You don’t know anything about me, do you?

POE:  Actually, I know quite a lot about your life.

KELLY: Don’t come the raw prawn with me. You ain’t even Australian.

POE:  True, but I’ve spent time drinking heavily with Australians.

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KELLY: Oh, okay, that explains it, then.

POE:   Ned, on 28 June 1880, in Glenrowan –

KELLY:  I don’t want to talk about that.

POE:  What? What else is there to talk about?  That’s when –

KELLY:  I know what happened. I don’t want to talk about it.

POE: But the shoot out, the armour you made and wore, it is legendary.

POE: It was possibly the most important moment of your –

KELLY:  Yeah, yeah. I’m sick and tired of hearing about it and I don’t want to discuss it.

POE:  Well, then what do you want to talk about?

KELLY:  I want to talk about the film.

POE:  What film?

KELLY: The one with Mick Jagger.

Mick Jager

POE: Ah… eh… what?

KELLY: I want to talk about that awful film where Mick Jagger played me.

POE:  What about it?

KELLY:  Awful film. Jagger was terrible.

POE:  Yeah, okay, so?

KELLY:  Jagger was nothing like me.

KELLY:  Know what I want? I want that movie made again, with a different cast.

POE:  Do you have anyone in mind?

KELLY:  As a matter of fact, I do. I want Daniel Craig to play the role of Ned Kelly.

POE:  Daniel Craig?

KELLY:  Or Johnny Depp.

POE:  Johnny Depp?

KELLY:  Yeah. Did you see him in Ed Wood?  Incredible performance.  Me and my mates were shocked he wasn’t nominated for the Academy Award. Fucking tour de force.

POE:  Mr. Kelly –

KELLY: Or a Golden Globe, although, between you and me, I suspect that show isn’t really on the up and up.  I think the fix is in, if you know what I mean.

POE:  Thank you so much for –

KELLY:  Don’t get me wrong.  I love Ricky Gervais.  That munter is comedy gold, he is.

POE:  I thank Ned Kelly for spending quality time with us.

KELLY:  That was quality time?

POE:  Next time, my guest will be Mary Watson, and I will finally get to ask her what animal she would be if she could be any animal at all.

IN MEMORIAM: KIM JONG IL

Posted in корейцы, good guys and bad guys, IN MEMORIAM, 스타게이트유니버스, News, ruthless dictator knock-knock jokes, Saron, South Korea, West Korea, Why do people in other countries talk funny? on December 19, 2011 by paulboylan

Kim Jong Il – the absolute ruler of North Korea – the last Stalinist regime – is dead.  North Korean news sources are presenting competing stories about his death.

Some say he was killed saving orphans from shoe factories in South Korea.  Others say he died fighting off alien invaders bent on enslaving the North Korean people.  Still others say he passed away peacefully in his sleep after saving orphans enslaved  to work in shoe factories owned by capitalist western alien invaders.

Whatever the cause, Kim Jong Il is dead, and I will always remember him as a guy who liked to clown around.

“One of these things is not like the other…”

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When Kim smiled, his generals smiled with him, or else they faced execution.

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From Kim’s short-lived television variety show “Wassup Korea?”

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Kim made his troops do this. I bet he laughed and laughed.

Kim Jong Il will be remembered for being a dictator who really appreciated a woman in uniform, and due to that appreciation, he always made sure lots and lots of women in uniforms he himself designed were around him.

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In addition to his apparent fetish for leggy women in military attire, Kim Jong Il was also a guy with eclectic interests.

Kim was fascinated with soap.

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He just loved stopping to take the time to read the label on a soy sauce bottle.

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Kim may have been the ruthless despotic leader of a Stalinist kleptocracy, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a keen appreciation for cafeteria food.

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Kim often stood staring at corn for hours while his entourage patiently waited for him to come out of his corn induced trance.

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The following photo reveals the very soul of Kim Jong Il.

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Kim dreamed  of a bright future where North Korea would lead  he world in the production of the very weirdest blow up sex dolls.

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And, finally, Kim will be remembered as a man obsessed with making the perfect salad.

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We will miss Kim Jon Il, and will remember him as a spectacular human zero.

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