Archive for the Mordor Category

HEADLINE: TRUMP ADMITS HE IS A “LOSER” – PLANS NEW BLACK VOTE STRATEGY

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Barry Goldwater, Bigotry in America, Captain America, Crazy People, Donald Trump, Early-onset dementia, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, GOP, Grim Fairy Tales, Hate Crimes, Headline, Headlines, I think you are a social parasite but I want you to vote for me anyway, ανόητο άτομα, lächerlich, Money and Power, Mordor, News, скарлетт йоханссон, Occupy Mordor, Politics, presidential candidate, Putin on the Ritz, Pycho-Social Trauma, Russia, ruthless dictator knock-knock jokes, Saron, Small Town America, Stupid People, The Great State of Montana!, The Matrix, The Wilhelm Scream, USA! USA! USA!, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, פיצה, سياسة policy with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 25, 2016 by paulboylan

I'm a Loser with Low Ratings

MUNCIE, Indiana – In a speech delivered at a neo-Nazi bake sale today in West Virginia, Donald Trump openly and frankly acknowledged that he is losing to Hillary Clinton in the race for the White House.

“People are saying that I am a pathetic loser with low ratings,” Trump painfully admitted as he bit into a cupcake.

 

swastika-cupcakes

 

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“I’m not saying this,” Trump continued. “People are saying it.”

 

NateSilver

 “They could be right, they could be wrong. Who knows? I don’t know. People are saying this, not me,” said Trump.

Trumps admissions of “low ratings” is apparently a reference to all polls showing Trump far behind Hillary Clinton in the electoral votes needed to win in November and Trumps reference to “people” appears to be the opinions of his own election staff.

Screen Shot 2016-08-24 at 4.10.20 PM

“The Orange God is losing big time,” said Trump campaign official Trip Henderson on the condition of anonymity.

 

Trip Henderson

Trip Henderson

“He is losing with the coons. He is losing with women, even the ones who aren’t lesbos or bitches.”

Not voting for Trump

Not Voting for Trump

not voting for trump 2

“He is losing with wetbacks, even the ones who aren’t criminals and rapists. He is losing with fags and queers, even the ones who don’t dress and talk funny. He is losing with Jews, even the good ones. He is losing with the gooks, even the ones that know how to drive. He is barely winning with whites when all of them should be supporting him because Trump is a member of their race,” said Henderson. “Frankly, I’ve sent my resume to the Aryan Nation, the KKK and the American Nazi Party and hope there is a job opening available in Idaho, Oklahoma, Alabama or West Virginia.”

 

Northwest Front

 

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Not all of those in Trump’s inner circle have given up hope. “The polls aren’t telling the truth,” said Trump’s new campaign manager and paranoid schizophrenic, Kellyanne Conway.

 

Conway

Kellyanne Conway

“Donald Trump performs consistently better in online polling where a human being is not talking to another human being about what he or she may do in the elections … it’s become socially desirable, especially if you’re a college educated person in the US, to say that you’re against Donald Trump,” said Conway.

Conway believes that millions upon millions of Americans are secretly racist, misogynistic homophobes who lie to anonymous pollsters on the phone when they say they hate Trump.

 

Trump Supporters

Trump Supporter 2

 

“The voices in my head assure me that these lying liars will vote for Trump in November,” said Conway as she used copious amounts of hand sanitizer to “keep the bugs away.”

 

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“The “undercover” Trump voter is an example of irrational magical thinking,” said Dr. Krista Schnurstein, Director of the Institute of Political Analysis. “To win the election, Trump needs to convince minority voters who despise him to vote for him. He cannot win without their support,” said Schnurstein.

 

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Trump plans to do just that. “My Lord and Master, Donald Trump the First, has a plan for wooing black voters that is sure fire,” said Donald Trump protégé Omarosa Manigault, who appears to be African-American.

 

Omarosa

Omarosa Manigault

“He will win black voters the same way he won white voters – by inflaming race hatred,”Manigault said before revealing the word “Trump” branded on her posterior. “This means he owns me,” Manigault explained.”

According to Manigault, Trump’s strategy for winning over black voters is to encourage their hatred for white people, especially what Trump refers to as “white trash.”

 

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“Those who inhabit the White underclass are despicable,” said Trump spokesperson Leroy Jefferson. “They are uneducated, unemployed, pathologically violent, lazy welfare cheats with no sense of rhythm living in ghettos called “trailer parks” who are taking jobs away from the blacks.”

 

white race too

 

“We need to build a wall around Idaho, Oklahoma, Alabama and West Virginia until we can figure out what the hell is going on,” said Jefferson.

“And they can’t jump,” Jefferson added. “And they can’t spell.”

 

muslin

Despite these plans, Trump himself appears to be unconvinced of his chances against Hillary Clinton in November.

“I am hearing people on the internets saying that I am a pathetic loser with low ratings. Believe me,” said Trump at a recent rally in Lincoln, Nebraska.

 

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Trump in Nebraska doing his famous “Mexican Ferret” impression.

“They are saying that I flip flopped on my plan to deport all illegal immigrants. I’m not saying this. People are saying it. Who knows? I haven’t denied it. Why haven’t I denied it? Do I have something to hide? I don’t know if I do. Maybe I don’t. Maybe I do. But reliable sources looking into this can’t believe what they are seeing. Believe me. They say my tax returns show I am a bad businessman, a billion dollars in debt, that I donated to NAMBLA – the North American Man/Boy Love Association – believe me, that’s what NAMBLA means. That’s what it means. And that I went on an all-male cruise with Vladimir Putin using money I collected for veterans.”

 

trump putin horse

 

“If I did that’s fine. It’s fine. It’s okay. I don’t know. But if I didn’t then I should deny it. And if I don’t deny it then that means I did it. Okay?”

 

trump putin

 

Reliable sources confirm that Trump will also attempt to win the Irish vote by promising that everyone named “Cromwell” will be deported.  The same sources say Trump plans on appealing to Jewish voters by attacking “stupid goyum buying furniture from a catalogue.”

 

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End

 

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Disgruntled Republican

 

Another perfect day! 1

 

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH Judge Jean Boyd

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Crime and Punishment, Grim Fairy Tales, Money and Power, Mordor, News, The Wrath of God, USA! USA! USA!, سياسة on December 14, 2013 by paulboylan

Jeanboyd

You will not believe what this judge did.

Judge Jean Boyd is a Republican judge who has presided over the Texas 323rd Family District Court since 1995. She is now at the center of world-wide attention because she sentenced 16-year-old named Ethan Couch to probation and entry into a private, exclusive $450,000  Southern California coastal rehab program after Couch – while over 3 times the legal limit of alcohol intoxication from drinking stolen beer and under the influence of Valium – drove an automobile and caused the deaths of four people and injured 10 others.   Couch’s defense was that he was suffering from “affluenza” – a disease that is suffered by rich people who behave irresponsibly because they believe that their position of wealth and privilege will exempt them from the consequences of their bad acts. In this frankly fictitious interview, Judge Boyd explains her reasoning.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Judge Boyd, thank you for agreeing to speak with us today.

JUDGE JEAN BOYD:  My pleasure. I look forward to every opportunity to get the word out about the evils of Obamacare and how wrong it is, morally and economically, to give anything to poor people because all it will do is encourage them to be poor.

POE:  We aren’t going to talk about Obamacare today, Judge.

BOYD:  For heavens sake, why not? Other than the liberal conspiracy to prevent crazy people from exercising their 2nd Amendment rights to buy automatic weapons, Obamacare is the most important issue our nation faces. When desperate poor people no longer worry about being able to afford to get sick, then they are less likely to tolerate slave wages and poor working conditions.  That will mean higher wages, higher prices and the end of our Christian nation as we know it.

the ideal employee

POE:  Although that is undoubtedly true, we are here today to talk about your decision to sentence Ethan Couch to probation after killing four people because he was suffering from “affluenza.”

BOYD: Yes. I did that based on the testimony of an expert.

POE:  You mean Dr. Gary Miller, a psychologist the Couch family hired,  who testified that Couch was the victim of his parents wealth and overindulgence, and that his family felt that money would solve any problem?

Dr. Gary Miller

Dr. Gary Miller

BOYD:  That’s the one. Did I mention that he is an expert?  That poor boy needs rehabilitation, not incarceration.

POE: And when you say “rehabilitation” you are referring to the private Newport Beach rehabilitation facility in Souther California which costs $450,000 a year that Couch’s extremely wealthy father said he would pay for?

NA_emailgraphic

BOYD:  Absolutely.  That was parts  of my judgment.  It is important to send someone suffering from an illness to a place where they are comfortable around people who are familiar.

POE:  And, in this case, Couch needs a luxurious environment by the beach surrounded by rich people?

rich kids suffering from affluenza

BOYD:  I’m glad you understand.  Are you wealthy?

POE:  No.

BOYD: Do you have any other questions?

POE:  Yes. Is it your opinion that being wealthy is a defense against manslaughter?

BOYD:  Not wealth itself.  But the affects of being wealthy can lead to an illness known as “affluenza” and it is that mental disability that makes the wealthy individual not responsible for his or her actions. How can wealthy, white people be held responsible for anything  when they suffer from affluenza?

POE:  So Affluenza is a disease caused by extreme wealth that is a mitigating factor – an excuse – justifying probation instead of jail or prison.

BOYD:  Exactly.

beware wealthy drivers copy

POE:  Why isn’t extreme poverty a disease that justifies probation instead of incarceration?

MILLION-BLACKS-LIVE-BELOW-POVERTY-LINE-AMERICA-large570

BOYD: Poverty is not a disease. It is a punishment from God for being lazy and shiftless. Wealthy people, such as myself, are provided with wealth and privilege by God as a reward for hard work.  If poor people were willing to work hard, they would be wealthy, too.

POE:  So affluenza is the result of a gift from God.

BOYD:  Yes!  Good point!  I suspect that, maybe, affluenza is part of God’s plan, which is another reason to go soft on wealthy people who commit crimes.

POE:  You sentenced Ethan Couch to spend time in an exclusive spa –

BOYD:  An expensive rehabilitation facility and spa.

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An actual photo from the Newport Academy.

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newport-academy-4

An actual photo from the Newport Academy.

POE:  Ethan Couch’s disease is arrogance encouraged by wealth and privilege.

BOYD:  Yes. Exactly.

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rich-white-men-with-guns-s.

POE:  Why isn’t there a counterpart for anger encouraged by poverty and disadvantage?

the broken wall, the burning roof and tower copy

BOYD:  That makes no sense.

POE:  Let me give you an example.  About a year ago you sentenced a 14 year old African-American boy to 10 years in prison for accidentally killing a man.

BOYD:  I sure did.  That little monster punched that man, who fell and hit his head on the pavement and eventually died. That black boy killed a person.

POE:  Ethan Couch had a history of drug and alcohol use and drunk driving. He stole two cases of beer, got drunk, went driving and killed four people,  injuring ten others – some catastrophically.  Sixteen year old Sergio Molina survived the accident but is now paralyzed for the rest of his life.

BOYD:  Yes, but Ethan Couch suffers from a disease.

POE:  Why wasn’t that 14 year old black boy suffering from DCS?

BOYD:  DCS?

POE:  Disadvantaged Citizen Syndrome.

BOYD:  You really aren’t listening.  Ethan Couch’s wealth and privilege caused him to have the emotional and intellectual capacity of a twelve year old boy.  It would be wrong to punish him with something so extreme as time in prison.

POE:  The State of Texas has no problem executing retarded black men with a mental age of 12 or even younger.

BOYD:  I am offended by the term “retarded.”

POE: Really?  That offends you?  Letting a rich kid get away with killing four people because he is rich and emotionally immature while executing mentally challenged black men who’s only difference from the rich white kid is that they are poor and black – that doesn’t offend you?

BOYD:  That hasn’t happened. You liberals are always making things up. Name one time that has happened.

POE:  Mavin Wilson.  A 54 year old black guy with with IQ of 61. Executed in Texas on August 7, 2012.

BOYD:  He wasn’t retarded.

POE:  Texas law states that an IQ of 70 or less qualifies as retarded.

BOYD: You’re missing the point here. Ethan Couch’s  family raised him to believe that his wealth and race bought privilege.

POE:  Looks like they were right.

BOYD:   That poor child was raised in an environment with no  link between his behavior and consequences.

POE:  So sending him to an expensive, luxury rehab center on the beach in Southern California thousands of miles away from his parents will teach him how not to feel privileged because he is white and wealthy?  Your defense for his bad acts is that he was ignored and had money thrown at him, but you’re sending him away and spending a lot of money on him. How is this going to rehabilitate him? How will that cure him of the parental neglect and over privilege that you say caused him to get drunk and kill four people?   Is ten years of probation “better” than any amount of prison time?  Do you think it will be effective in altering his behavior?  Isn’t your judgment in his favor just more proof that the American justice system is designed by politicians paid by the rich to protect the rich at the expense of everyone else?

JusticeForSale

JUDGE BOYD:  This interview is over.

POE:  Oh no it isn’t.  It has just begun.  What you did wasn’t justice. It was an anthem to the power of privilege.  You have proven that American justice isn’t fair and isn’t equal. You’ve shown that justice in America is for sale at a price that only the wealthy can afford.   You will never get a good night’s sleep again.  What you did has outraged republicans and democrats, liberals and conservatives alike.  We are united in our condemnation of your abominable decision to let this kid go with a slap on the wrist and a sentence sending him to a luxury resort paid for by his rich father.  We will not let you forget or pretend you behaved in any way as a judge is expected to behave.

The American people know the game is rigged in favor of rich people.  We know the rich post bail and the poor go to jail.  And we tolerate a certain measure of that kind of corruption. But what you did went too far.  You opened up the sore and showed the rot infesting the body politic. Your career as a judge is over.  You just don’t know it yet.

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disgruntled-republican

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UPDATE:  Judge Boyd is now expected to retire, but a petition is circulating demanding that Texas Governor Perry remove Judge Boyd from the bench immediately.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2524108/Judge-let-spoiled-rich-teen-killed-DUI-previously-boy-aged-fourteen-prison-TEN-YEARS.html#ixzz2nZTRuP17

The boy who has talked to us said, ‘We were bored.”

Posted in American Decline, Australia, Brave New World, Grim Fairy Tales, Mordor, pandemic on August 21, 2013 by paulboylan

The boy who has talked to us said, ‘We were bored and didn’t have anything to do, so we decided to kill somebody,'” say police about the brutal murder of a collegiate baseball player in Oklahoma.

I feel the need to apologize for this.   I am more than horrified; I am ashamed.  I know so many people who are afraid to come and visit my country.  They think Americans are armed sociopaths.  They fear that, if they walk our streets – my streets – that someone could be watching them, could plot and carry out their murder.

Exactly what happened to Christopher Lane.

His father said “To try to understand it is a short way to insanity.”

I wish I didn’t understand it.  I wish what happened to Christopher is so unthinkable that one would risk insanity to contemplate it.  But I know those young murderers.  I understand them and why they decided to kill another human being to alleviate their boredom.  I think they are everywhere around me.  I know what created them – the poor parenting, the negligent and intentionally substandard schooling.  I know a culture of violence, a culture that discourages empathy and sympathy – the very qualities that make premeditated murder unlikely. I know that the fifteen year old boy who killed  Christopher used a gun, and if that boy did not have a gun, Christopher would be alive.

I don’t know what to say other than that I am sorry for all of this and horrified that I am helpless to do anything to fix what is broken.

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HEADLINE – 2 ACCIDENTALLY SHOT AT GUN SHOW

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, Cowboys and Aliens, Crazy People, Early-onset dementia, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, GOP, Headline, Headlines, I think you are a social parasite but I want you to vote for me anyway, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, Money and Power, Monsters, Mordor, Mysterious Mysteries, News, pandemic, photograph, Photography, Politics, Pycho-Social Trauma, Small Town America, Stupid People, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, سكارليت جوهانسون with tags , , , , on January 20, 2013 by paulboylan

2 hurt in accidental shooting_edited-2

Bought a gun at a gun show without a background check.

WACO, Texas – 2 people were injured at a gun show, completely baffling gun rights activists.

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Confused redneck

Inbred redneck gun owner contemplating the causes of gun violence.

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“It is a complete mystery to me how on earth these two people could be accidentally shot a gun show,” said Skip Henderson, gun enthusiast, misogynist, homophobe, racist and sociopath.

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Skip Anderson can buy this gun at a gun show without a background check.

Skip Anderson can buy this gun at a gun show without a background check.

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At gun shows Americans – or anyone – can purchase automatic weapons without any background check being conducted.

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“Hello, my name is Joe, and that is my real name.  It is not a made up name.  I am Joe.  And I am interested in purchasing your AK-47 in a cash transaction.  Oooo! are those high-capacity   ammunition magazine clips I see in that bag?”

“Hello, my name is Joe, and that is my real name. It is not a made up name. I am Joe. And I am interested in purchasing your AK-47 in a cash transaction. Oooo! Are those high-capacity ammunition magazine clips I see in that bag?”

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 “I bet Obama snuck in here and shot those 2 people to make gun owners look bad so that he and his Negro Army can come and take away our guns” Henderson said.

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Sneaky Obama

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“Guns are not responsible for these injuries and it is completely irresponsible to imply that guns have any connection to gun violence whatsoever anywhere in the world especially at a gun show,”  said Tripp Wightman, a gun rights activist,”doomsday prepper” and paranoid schizophrenic who buys guns at gun shows without any background checks and makes methane from his own excrement.

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Shooter 1

Mentally unfit to purchase a gun, but passed a background check because no court had ever declared him mentally unfit. So, like hundreds of thousands of people who should not ever own a gun, he was allowed to purchase one. And then he went to a political rally.

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“I will shoot anyone in the head multiple times using a semi automatic weapon with a fucking huge ammo clip,” Wightman said.  “I’m sorry, I lost my train of thought.  Oh yeah, the point I am trying to make is to make it very clear that I will shoot and kill anyone who argues that gun violence – the epidemic of gun violence that is sweeping across our nation and tearing apart the fabric of our society.  Hell, it happened again. I totally lost my train of thought.”

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He purchased two hand guns, a shot gun, and a semi automatic rifle and passed all three background checks. No court had ever declared him mentally unfit. Consequently he was not in the federal database that is used to perform background checks of people buying guns.
After purchasing these guns, he went to the cinema.

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“Where was I?  Oh yeah, I will brutally murder anyone who so much as implies that guns have anything to do with gun violence or attempts in any way to improve mental health care or background checks to prevent someone like me from buying all the guns I want.  And then I will mutilate their bodies.  And if possible, I will sell the body parts – including fluids – to raise money so I can buy more guns.  That is how much I love America.  That is how much I love the Second Amendment to the United States Constitution that protects my rights to own and use weapons that are designed to kill people. Lots and lots of people.  Lots and lots of smelly, anti-American sinners who are building socialist agnostic, atheist, and Catholic robots that steal my luggage, violate my rights and infringe on my personal freedoms,”  said Wightman.

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Shooter to

He bought this gun at a gun show without a background check. And now he is watching your children walk to school.

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“No one loves America more than me.  Or guns,” said Wightman.  “Did I tell you that I make methane from my own poop?  I do it to stop the government from reading my thoughts.”

“The only option I will consider to remedy what is arguably an epidemic of gun related deaths in the United States is  what the NRA proposed, and that is posting armed guards in every school in the country.  But I do not want any taxpayer money to pay for it.  I want these armed guards to be volunteers.”

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Eager to volunteer.

Eager to volunteer.

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 “In other words, people like me,” Wightman concluded before adjusting the aluminum foil cap covering his head.

aluminum-foil-hat

foil helmet

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GunOwnership

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girl with gun

toddler suicide vest 1

toddler with gun 1

palestinian kids with guns

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jesus with guns1

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Gun owners are willing to kill in order to maintain unrestrained access to assault weapons and the lack of background checks for those buying automatic weapons.

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UPDATE: subsequent to the posting of this story,  5 additional people were accidentally shot at gun shows in the United States.

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HEADLINE – DONALD TRUMP SAYS “VENGEANCE IS A CHRISTIAN VALUE”

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, buffo, gülen yüz, GOP, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, Hubris, 스타게이트유니버스, 재미, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, love, Mad Men, Money and Power, Mordor, News, neşeli, Paying Attention, photograph, Photography, Politics, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Religion and Politics, Small Town America, The Matrix, The Second Coming, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, Weird Stuff, What are you sick or something?, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, 滑稽, טילים, מצחיק, بشار الاسد, خنده, خنده دار, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 26, 2012 by paulboylan

 

“Jesus wants me to take vengeance against my hair stylist.”

MUNCIE –   During a speech on Monday at the Lynchburg, Virginia Christian college, Liberty University, Donald Trump gave the assembled Christian students some advice: “Get even.”

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“A few of you may say my advice is anti-Christian. Wrong!” Trump said.

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A student pointed out that Trumps advice conflicts with Christ’s Sermon on the Mount recorded in chapters 5-7 of the Gospel of Matthew, where Jesus tells his followers to reject the Old Testament rules on eye-for-an-eye justice and, if slapped, turn the other cheek rather than retaliate.

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 “Don’t believe any of that malarky,” Trump responded.  “Jesus was being misquoted by the liberal media.”

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The liberal media makes Jesus very, very angry.

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“Believe me, the central message of Christianity is “every man for himself” and “always kick a man when he’s down because there is no better time to do it,” Trump said.

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Trump, married three times, then advised the assembled students to get prenuptial agreements before they get married.

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“Jesus wasn’t married and I know why,” Trump said.  “It is because they didn’t have prenuptial agreements in those days so if you got married you were screwed if you wanted to get out of it, especially if you had a lot of money and the woman seduced you because she wanted your money.  But Jesus avoided all of that by not getting married. I’m not saying he didn’t play the field. He just didn’t get married.  I am absolutely sure that, if Jesus had access to a prenuptial agreement, he would have been married. At least once.”

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Maybe more than once.

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The university has posted a video of Trump’s speech on its website, noting that Chancellor Falwell introduced Trump as ”one of the greatest visionaries of our time.”

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Scared to Death

Posted in Mordor, ruthless dictator knock-knock jokes, Saron, South Korea, West Korea on September 10, 2012 by paulboylan

If you have any doubts about how awful it must be to live in North Korea, take a look at the photograph posted below.  It shows the current absolute Stalinist leader of North Korea, Kim Jong Un, posing with a North Korean family.

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They clearly cannot contain their terror.

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A Flagrant Violation of Copyright

Posted in Fair Use, Fiction, good guys and bad guys, Money and Power, Monsters, Mordor, Parody, Politics, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, presidential candidate, Pycho-Social Trauma, Religion and Politics, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, مصارعه on August 22, 2012 by paulboylan

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video_subtitles.html

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In the original, didn’t the idealistic good guys all die in the end?

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