Archive for the Research and Development Category

THE BEST TWEET EVAR!

Posted in And now the snorting starts, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, Fashion Forward, αστείος, Michele Bachmann Crazy, pandemic, Paying Attention, Research and Development, The Second Coming, What are you sick or something?, zombies on November 27, 2013 by paulboylan

zombie shoe laces

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HEADLINE – CLEAR DEFINITION FOR “HABITABLE PLANET” URGED

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Astronomy, bilim adamları, buffo, dada, космическая девушка, Food, gülen yüz, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, 스타게이트유니버스, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, News, ученые, Research and Development, Science, Science Fiction, snaaks, Space, Stupid News, Travel, بشار الاسد on November 26, 2013 by paulboylan

Never gonna go there

MUNCIE, Indiana – Experts have issued a call for scientists to establish a clear definition of “habitable planets” to make the search easier. They recommend researchers to take a conservative approach when looking for these planets.

“We want to clearly define what we are wasting our time looking for,” said one of the experts referenced above.

In related news,/after 10 years and at a cost of six million dollars, NASA scientists have finally completed the menu that will regulate what astronauts eat during a space voyage from earth to Mars that will never happen.

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YES, BUT WHAT DO THEY HAVE TO SAY?

Posted in amusant, And now the snorting starts, Brave New World, buffo, Cowboys and Aliens, Fashion Forward, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, Hubris, 재미, αστείος, kluchtig, News, Our animal friends, Paul Ryan, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, Research and Development, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, What are you sick or something? with tags , , , , , , , on October 3, 2012 by paulboylan

The medium is the message.

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“The cows are all liars!!” yelled Farmer Brown when he heard the news.

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HEADLINE – POLAR BEAR SCIENTIST CLEARED OF MISCONDUCT

Posted in amusant, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, buffo, Canada, Crime and Punishment, пицца, Free Utilization Doctrine, gülen yüz, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, Isnt nature wonderful?, 스타게이트유니버스, 재미, αστείος, kluchtig, lächerlich, News, neşeli, скарлетт йоханссон, ученые, Our animal friends, photograph, Photography, public outrage over the waste of public money, Research and Development, snaaks, The Wilhelm Scream, مصارعه, سياسة on September 30, 2012 by paulboylan

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The relationship was determined to be consensual.

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HEADLINE – STUDY SHOWS ORGANIC FOOD NO HEALTHIER THAN NON-ORGANIC

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, bacon, Food, Getting it Right, Headline, Headlines, health care, ανόητο άτομα, Money and Power, morbid obesity, News, скарлетт йоханссон, photograph, Photography, Politics, pork, Research and Development, The Great State of Montana!, The Wrath of God on September 22, 2012 by paulboylan

(Reuters Health) – Organic produce and meat typically isn’t any better for you than conventional varieties when it comes to vitamin and nutrient content, according to a new study from Stanford University sponsored by corporations supporting chemical companies.

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Where food comes from.

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“I knew that there or-ganic stuff was a lie,” said Skip Henderson, a morbidly obese registered Republican welfare recipient without health insurance suffering from type 2 diabetes. “It don’t say nothin’ about no or-ganic food in the consitution or the bible,” Henderson added before devouring a triple patty extra cheese cheeseburger topped with bacon, ham and onion rings (described with approval in Leviticus).

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Skip Henderson and his little friend.

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“You can pay more for ‘organic’ food at some hippy farmers market, but why do that when it costs less to buy chemically enhanced food at your local supermarket that, due to the magic of preservatives, won’t spoil for years and years and years?” said Dr. Ernst Henderson, a spokesman for Cargil, a corporate food giant that co-sponsored the Stanford Study.

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Ernst Henderson

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“Organic food is a fraud,” said Henry Henderson, Junior Vice President of Goldman Sachs, an international investment firm with strong ties to the chemical industry that also co-sponsored the Stanford Study. “The study we paid for concluded that there is nothing wrong with eating foods rich in pesticides, preservatives, manufactured sugars, fats and other chemical additives that have been linked to cancer, obesity, diabetes, an increase in infant mortality and a decrease in life expectancy.”

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Henry Henderson

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“But here is the important thing to remember,” Henderson added.  “The studies that concluded the chemicals our clients produce and sell at obscene profits, these studies weren’t paid for by the chemical industry or corporations with chemical industry ties, so those studies were unfair, anti-American and probably socialist.”

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Anti-American Socialists.

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“Let’s face it,” said Karen Henderson, a spokesperson for the Monsanto Corporation, “people who buy organic food and don’t buy industrially processed foods rich in chemical bonus materials, these people hate capitalism.” Henderson said.

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Pretending to engage in open market commerce.

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Skip Henderson agreed. “The liberal commies won’t let folks buy super large servings of soda!  What happened to freedom?  I say it is my right as an American to eat whatever I want as often as I want and as much as I want even if it is bad for me.  You can’t make me eat any commie organic food!”

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EXCLUSIVE!! INTERVIEW WITH SCHRODINGER’S CAT

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Antique surgical instruments, kluchtig, lächerlich, Mad Scientists, neşeli, скарлетт йоханссон, Research and Development, snaaks, Why do people in other countries talk funny? on July 22, 2012 by paulboylan

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Thank you for agreeing to speak with us.

SCHRODINGER’S CAT:  My pleasure Paul.  I’m a big fan of your blog.
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POE:  Thank you. Let’s get right to it: you are  Erwin Schrödinger‘s cat, correct?

CAT:  Yes, I belong to that mother fucker.

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Erwin Schrödinger – total mother fucker.

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POE:  I beg your pardon?

CAT:  You heard me.  A total mother fucker.  Do you know about his famous experiment?

POE:  In broad terms, yes, but not in detail.

CAT:  Well, let me tell you all about it.  That asshole Erwin came up with this experiment to prove something or other dealing with quantum theory.  Are you following me?

POE:  I’m following you.

CAT:  Okay, well, in this experiment, he puts me in a box that contains a deadly poison, the poison is released and supposedly the person looking at the box can’t tell if I am alive or dead.

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POE:  He tried this?

CAT:  Yeah.

POE:  So what happened?

CAT:  What happened is I busted the hell out of that fucking box!  Screw the experiment.

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NEXT – INTERVIEW WITH PAVLOV’S DOG

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HEADLINE – NASA DEVELOPING MENU FOR MARS MISSION

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Crazy People, Food, Headline, Headlines, News, photograph, Photography, pork, Research and Development, Science Fiction, Space, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, TRIPs, USA! USA! USA! on July 17, 2012 by paulboylan

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NASA recently revealed for the first time that NASA is working on a menu for a mission to Mars (the “Red Planet”) envisioned for “sometime in the 2030’s.”

NASA’s Director of Space Food Science, Reginald Quince, agreed to discuss this exciting news with PEOPLE OF EARTH.

Reginald Quince

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Director Quince, thank you for agreeing to speak with us today to discuss this new Mars menu that NASA recently announced.

REGINALD QUINCE:  No, thank you for the opportunity to let the world know about the amazing work we are doing to make sure that the first people on Mars have the very best food available to celebrate their great achievement.

POE:  I don’t want to misrepresent the reach of this forum. My blog is somewhat exclusively read.

QUINCE:  How exclusive?

POE:  If this interview is read at all, it will be read primarily by people in Australia, New Zealand and isolated rural parts of the Orkney Islands.

QUINCE:  I was under the impression that your blog communicated to all of the people of earth.

POE:  Theoretically yes, but in practice, unfortunately not.

QUINCE: Well…. I’m here, we might as well talk.

POE:  Thank you.

QUINCE: Better than nothing.

POE:  Well let’s get right to it.  Tell me more about this menu NASA has announced.

QUINCE:  My pleasure, Paul.  After months and months of meetings and reading endless positions papers, it was finally decided that it will be a tasting menu.

POE:  Tasting menu?

QUINCE:  Yes!  NASA has worked diligently to create the finest, most flavorful dishes made from the best ingredients from around the world paired with the perfect wines!

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POE:  Aren’t you putting the cart before the horse?

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QUINCE:  If by that you mean have we put the cart of culinary excellence before the horse of gastronomical delight, then yes, that is what we did, what we are doing and what we are striving to achieve!!

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POE:  Let me approach this problem from a different direction.  Before you start spending money to plan what astronauts on Mars will be eating, don’t you think you first have to figure out how to get there and how to pay for it?

[At that point, Director Quince left our recording studios and would not return our calls.]

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“PUT THAT BACK! YOU KNOW WE CAN’T AFFORD NO TANG!

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