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HEADLINE: TRUMP ADMITS HE IS A “LOSER” – PLANS NEW BLACK VOTE STRATEGY

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Barry Goldwater, Bigotry in America, Captain America, Crazy People, Donald Trump, Early-onset dementia, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, GOP, Grim Fairy Tales, Hate Crimes, Headline, Headlines, I think you are a social parasite but I want you to vote for me anyway, ανόητο άτομα, lächerlich, Money and Power, Mordor, News, скарлетт йоханссон, Occupy Mordor, Politics, presidential candidate, Putin on the Ritz, Pycho-Social Trauma, Russia, ruthless dictator knock-knock jokes, Saron, Small Town America, Stupid People, The Great State of Montana!, The Matrix, The Wilhelm Scream, USA! USA! USA!, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, פיצה, سياسة policy with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 25, 2016 by paulboylan

I'm a Loser with Low Ratings

MUNCIE, Indiana – In a speech delivered at a neo-Nazi bake sale today in West Virginia, Donald Trump openly and frankly acknowledged that he is losing to Hillary Clinton in the race for the White House.

“People are saying that I am a pathetic loser with low ratings,” Trump painfully admitted as he bit into a cupcake.

 

swastika-cupcakes

 

racist cupcake 2

 

“I’m not saying this,” Trump continued. “People are saying it.”

 

NateSilver

 “They could be right, they could be wrong. Who knows? I don’t know. People are saying this, not me,” said Trump.

Trumps admissions of “low ratings” is apparently a reference to all polls showing Trump far behind Hillary Clinton in the electoral votes needed to win in November and Trumps reference to “people” appears to be the opinions of his own election staff.

Screen Shot 2016-08-24 at 4.10.20 PM

“The Orange God is losing big time,” said Trump campaign official Trip Henderson on the condition of anonymity.

 

Trip Henderson

Trip Henderson

“He is losing with the coons. He is losing with women, even the ones who aren’t lesbos or bitches.”

Not voting for Trump

Not Voting for Trump

not voting for trump 2

“He is losing with wetbacks, even the ones who aren’t criminals and rapists. He is losing with fags and queers, even the ones who don’t dress and talk funny. He is losing with Jews, even the good ones. He is losing with the gooks, even the ones that know how to drive. He is barely winning with whites when all of them should be supporting him because Trump is a member of their race,” said Henderson. “Frankly, I’ve sent my resume to the Aryan Nation, the KKK and the American Nazi Party and hope there is a job opening available in Idaho, Oklahoma, Alabama or West Virginia.”

 

Northwest Front

 

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Not all of those in Trump’s inner circle have given up hope. “The polls aren’t telling the truth,” said Trump’s new campaign manager and paranoid schizophrenic, Kellyanne Conway.

 

Conway

Kellyanne Conway

“Donald Trump performs consistently better in online polling where a human being is not talking to another human being about what he or she may do in the elections … it’s become socially desirable, especially if you’re a college educated person in the US, to say that you’re against Donald Trump,” said Conway.

Conway believes that millions upon millions of Americans are secretly racist, misogynistic homophobes who lie to anonymous pollsters on the phone when they say they hate Trump.

 

Trump Supporters

Trump Supporter 2

 

“The voices in my head assure me that these lying liars will vote for Trump in November,” said Conway as she used copious amounts of hand sanitizer to “keep the bugs away.”

 

hand

 

“The “undercover” Trump voter is an example of irrational magical thinking,” said Dr. Krista Schnurstein, Director of the Institute of Political Analysis. “To win the election, Trump needs to convince minority voters who despise him to vote for him. He cannot win without their support,” said Schnurstein.

 

pro-trump-minorities

 

Trump plans to do just that. “My Lord and Master, Donald Trump the First, has a plan for wooing black voters that is sure fire,” said Donald Trump protégé Omarosa Manigault, who appears to be African-American.

 

Omarosa

Omarosa Manigault

“He will win black voters the same way he won white voters – by inflaming race hatred,”Manigault said before revealing the word “Trump” branded on her posterior. “This means he owns me,” Manigault explained.”

According to Manigault, Trump’s strategy for winning over black voters is to encourage their hatred for white people, especially what Trump refers to as “white trash.”

 

gun-nut

“Those who inhabit the White underclass are despicable,” said Trump spokesperson Leroy Jefferson. “They are uneducated, unemployed, pathologically violent, lazy welfare cheats with no sense of rhythm living in ghettos called “trailer parks” who are taking jobs away from the blacks.”

 

white race too

 

“We need to build a wall around Idaho, Oklahoma, Alabama and West Virginia until we can figure out what the hell is going on,” said Jefferson.

“And they can’t jump,” Jefferson added. “And they can’t spell.”

 

muslin

Despite these plans, Trump himself appears to be unconvinced of his chances against Hillary Clinton in November.

“I am hearing people on the internets saying that I am a pathetic loser with low ratings. Believe me,” said Trump at a recent rally in Lincoln, Nebraska.

 

donald-trump-presidential-campaign-photos_20

Trump in Nebraska doing his famous “Mexican Ferret” impression.

“They are saying that I flip flopped on my plan to deport all illegal immigrants. I’m not saying this. People are saying it. Who knows? I haven’t denied it. Why haven’t I denied it? Do I have something to hide? I don’t know if I do. Maybe I don’t. Maybe I do. But reliable sources looking into this can’t believe what they are seeing. Believe me. They say my tax returns show I am a bad businessman, a billion dollars in debt, that I donated to NAMBLA – the North American Man/Boy Love Association – believe me, that’s what NAMBLA means. That’s what it means. And that I went on an all-male cruise with Vladimir Putin using money I collected for veterans.”

 

trump putin horse

 

“If I did that’s fine. It’s fine. It’s okay. I don’t know. But if I didn’t then I should deny it. And if I don’t deny it then that means I did it. Okay?”

 

trump putin

 

Reliable sources confirm that Trump will also attempt to win the Irish vote by promising that everyone named “Cromwell” will be deported.  The same sources say Trump plans on appealing to Jewish voters by attacking “stupid goyum buying furniture from a catalogue.”

 

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End

 

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people of earth

 

laughing-at-computer

 

Disgruntled Republican

 

Another perfect day! 1

 

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HEADLINE – WOMAN ATTACKS BOYFRIEND WITH BASEBALL BAT

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Crime and Punishment, fairness, Fiat Lux, gülen yüz, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, Is that really Ellie Goulding?, Joseph Bleckman, kluchtig, lächerlich, love, News, neşeli, скарлетт йоханссон, Small Town America, The Great State of Montana!, بشار الاسد with tags , , , , , on November 1, 2014 by paulboylan

Angry Woman

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Okay, what did he do?

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Reproduction with permission of the Sacramento Valley Mirror, the greatest little newspaper in the world (Tim Crews Editor and Publisher).

HEADLINE – 2 ACCIDENTALLY SHOT AT GUN SHOW

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, Cowboys and Aliens, Crazy People, Early-onset dementia, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, GOP, Headline, Headlines, I think you are a social parasite but I want you to vote for me anyway, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, Money and Power, Monsters, Mordor, Mysterious Mysteries, News, pandemic, photograph, Photography, Politics, Pycho-Social Trauma, Small Town America, Stupid People, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, سكارليت جوهانسون with tags , , , , on January 20, 2013 by paulboylan

2 hurt in accidental shooting_edited-2

Bought a gun at a gun show without a background check.

WACO, Texas – 2 people were injured at a gun show, completely baffling gun rights activists.

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Confused redneck

Inbred redneck gun owner contemplating the causes of gun violence.

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“It is a complete mystery to me how on earth these two people could be accidentally shot a gun show,” said Skip Henderson, gun enthusiast, misogynist, homophobe, racist and sociopath.

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Skip Anderson can buy this gun at a gun show without a background check.

Skip Anderson can buy this gun at a gun show without a background check.

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At gun shows Americans – or anyone – can purchase automatic weapons without any background check being conducted.

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“Hello, my name is Joe, and that is my real name.  It is not a made up name.  I am Joe.  And I am interested in purchasing your AK-47 in a cash transaction.  Oooo! are those high-capacity   ammunition magazine clips I see in that bag?”

“Hello, my name is Joe, and that is my real name. It is not a made up name. I am Joe. And I am interested in purchasing your AK-47 in a cash transaction. Oooo! Are those high-capacity ammunition magazine clips I see in that bag?”

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 “I bet Obama snuck in here and shot those 2 people to make gun owners look bad so that he and his Negro Army can come and take away our guns” Henderson said.

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Sneaky Obama

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“Guns are not responsible for these injuries and it is completely irresponsible to imply that guns have any connection to gun violence whatsoever anywhere in the world especially at a gun show,”  said Tripp Wightman, a gun rights activist,”doomsday prepper” and paranoid schizophrenic who buys guns at gun shows without any background checks and makes methane from his own excrement.

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Shooter 1

Mentally unfit to purchase a gun, but passed a background check because no court had ever declared him mentally unfit. So, like hundreds of thousands of people who should not ever own a gun, he was allowed to purchase one. And then he went to a political rally.

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“I will shoot anyone in the head multiple times using a semi automatic weapon with a fucking huge ammo clip,” Wightman said.  “I’m sorry, I lost my train of thought.  Oh yeah, the point I am trying to make is to make it very clear that I will shoot and kill anyone who argues that gun violence – the epidemic of gun violence that is sweeping across our nation and tearing apart the fabric of our society.  Hell, it happened again. I totally lost my train of thought.”

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He purchased two hand guns, a shot gun, and a semi automatic rifle and passed all three background checks. No court had ever declared him mentally unfit. Consequently he was not in the federal database that is used to perform background checks of people buying guns.
After purchasing these guns, he went to the cinema.

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“Where was I?  Oh yeah, I will brutally murder anyone who so much as implies that guns have anything to do with gun violence or attempts in any way to improve mental health care or background checks to prevent someone like me from buying all the guns I want.  And then I will mutilate their bodies.  And if possible, I will sell the body parts – including fluids – to raise money so I can buy more guns.  That is how much I love America.  That is how much I love the Second Amendment to the United States Constitution that protects my rights to own and use weapons that are designed to kill people. Lots and lots of people.  Lots and lots of smelly, anti-American sinners who are building socialist agnostic, atheist, and Catholic robots that steal my luggage, violate my rights and infringe on my personal freedoms,”  said Wightman.

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Shooter to

He bought this gun at a gun show without a background check. And now he is watching your children walk to school.

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“No one loves America more than me.  Or guns,” said Wightman.  “Did I tell you that I make methane from my own poop?  I do it to stop the government from reading my thoughts.”

“The only option I will consider to remedy what is arguably an epidemic of gun related deaths in the United States is  what the NRA proposed, and that is posting armed guards in every school in the country.  But I do not want any taxpayer money to pay for it.  I want these armed guards to be volunteers.”

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Eager to volunteer.

Eager to volunteer.

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 “In other words, people like me,” Wightman concluded before adjusting the aluminum foil cap covering his head.

aluminum-foil-hat

foil helmet

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GunOwnership

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girl with gun

toddler suicide vest 1

toddler with gun 1

palestinian kids with guns

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jesus with guns1

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Gun owners are willing to kill in order to maintain unrestrained access to assault weapons and the lack of background checks for those buying automatic weapons.

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UPDATE: subsequent to the posting of this story,  5 additional people were accidentally shot at gun shows in the United States.

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HEADLINE – REPUBLICANS ACCUSE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION OF FAKING JOB NUMBERS

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, buffo, Crazy People, disembodied heads of the rich and famous, gülen yüz, GOP, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, 재미, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, Money and Power, News, neşeli, смешной, photograph, Photography, Politics, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, Why do people in other countries talk funny? with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 5, 2012 by paulboylan

MUNCIE –  Jack Welch, founder and former CEO of General Electric, Romney surrogate and de facto spokesman for the Republican Party stated that the statistics showing a slow but steady improvement for the national economy have been fabricated by the Obama administration.

“These are unbelievable job numbers,” Welch tweeted. “Chicago guys will do anything… can’t debate so change the numbers.”

Welch’s sentiment reflects a constant Republican complaint about the U.S. economy.  They believe it cannot be improving and must be getting worse.

“These numbers can’t be real,” Welch said. “We did everything we could to ruin the economy. We gave America George Bush and he gave us two wars and huge entitlements that he paid for with money borrowed from China.  He drove the deficit up to astronomical levels.  Obama inherited an economy that simply could not be fixed, and after he was elected, Republicans in congress did everything they could to  stop him from fixing the economy by create jobs.   So numbers showing any improvement must be wrong.”

Others disagree.

“These statistics show what we all know, and that is that the American economy is finally rising out of the dark hole that the Republicans dug for the nation and that President Obama inherited from George Bush,” said Big Bird, a Public Television celebrity. “Obama had an impossible job to do, but now his policies are working.  There is no need to make drastic cuts in public spending, especially funding for Public Television,” Bird said. “So Mitt Romney can go fuck himself.”

During his first Presidential Debate, Republican candidate Mitt Romney refused to say which government programs he would cut, but when pressed he said he would cut funding for Public Television.

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21 PHOTOS!

Posted in American Decline, Headline, Headlines, News, photograph, Photography, Pycho-Social Trauma, What are you sick or something? with tags , , , , , , , , on October 2, 2012 by paulboylan

 

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I found this on CBS’ internet news site.

I feel anything short of 22 photos of a girl found dead in her dorm room is a waste of my time.

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