Archive for Politics and the English Language

HEADLINE: TRUMP ADMITS HE IS A “LOSER” – PLANS NEW BLACK VOTE STRATEGY

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Barry Goldwater, Bigotry in America, Captain America, Crazy People, Donald Trump, Early-onset dementia, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, GOP, Grim Fairy Tales, Hate Crimes, Headline, Headlines, I think you are a social parasite but I want you to vote for me anyway, ανόητο άτομα, lächerlich, Money and Power, Mordor, News, скарлетт йоханссон, Occupy Mordor, Politics, presidential candidate, Putin on the Ritz, Pycho-Social Trauma, Russia, ruthless dictator knock-knock jokes, Saron, Small Town America, Stupid People, The Great State of Montana!, The Matrix, The Wilhelm Scream, USA! USA! USA!, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, פיצה, سياسة policy with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 25, 2016 by paulboylan

I'm a Loser with Low Ratings

MUNCIE, Indiana – In a speech delivered at a neo-Nazi bake sale today in West Virginia, Donald Trump openly and frankly acknowledged that he is losing to Hillary Clinton in the race for the White House.

“People are saying that I am a pathetic loser with low ratings,” Trump painfully admitted as he bit into a cupcake.

 

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“I’m not saying this,” Trump continued. “People are saying it.”

 

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 “They could be right, they could be wrong. Who knows? I don’t know. People are saying this, not me,” said Trump.

Trumps admissions of “low ratings” is apparently a reference to all polls showing Trump far behind Hillary Clinton in the electoral votes needed to win in November and Trumps reference to “people” appears to be the opinions of his own election staff.

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“The Orange God is losing big time,” said Trump campaign official Trip Henderson on the condition of anonymity.

 

Trip Henderson

Trip Henderson

“He is losing with the coons. He is losing with women, even the ones who aren’t lesbos or bitches.”

Not voting for Trump

Not Voting for Trump

not voting for trump 2

“He is losing with wetbacks, even the ones who aren’t criminals and rapists. He is losing with fags and queers, even the ones who don’t dress and talk funny. He is losing with Jews, even the good ones. He is losing with the gooks, even the ones that know how to drive. He is barely winning with whites when all of them should be supporting him because Trump is a member of their race,” said Henderson. “Frankly, I’ve sent my resume to the Aryan Nation, the KKK and the American Nazi Party and hope there is a job opening available in Idaho, Oklahoma, Alabama or West Virginia.”

 

Northwest Front

 

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Not all of those in Trump’s inner circle have given up hope. “The polls aren’t telling the truth,” said Trump’s new campaign manager and paranoid schizophrenic, Kellyanne Conway.

 

Conway

Kellyanne Conway

“Donald Trump performs consistently better in online polling where a human being is not talking to another human being about what he or she may do in the elections … it’s become socially desirable, especially if you’re a college educated person in the US, to say that you’re against Donald Trump,” said Conway.

Conway believes that millions upon millions of Americans are secretly racist, misogynistic homophobes who lie to anonymous pollsters on the phone when they say they hate Trump.

 

Trump Supporters

Trump Supporter 2

 

“The voices in my head assure me that these lying liars will vote for Trump in November,” said Conway as she used copious amounts of hand sanitizer to “keep the bugs away.”

 

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“The “undercover” Trump voter is an example of irrational magical thinking,” said Dr. Krista Schnurstein, Director of the Institute of Political Analysis. “To win the election, Trump needs to convince minority voters who despise him to vote for him. He cannot win without their support,” said Schnurstein.

 

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Trump plans to do just that. “My Lord and Master, Donald Trump the First, has a plan for wooing black voters that is sure fire,” said Donald Trump protégé Omarosa Manigault, who appears to be African-American.

 

Omarosa

Omarosa Manigault

“He will win black voters the same way he won white voters – by inflaming race hatred,”Manigault said before revealing the word “Trump” branded on her posterior. “This means he owns me,” Manigault explained.”

According to Manigault, Trump’s strategy for winning over black voters is to encourage their hatred for white people, especially what Trump refers to as “white trash.”

 

gun-nut

“Those who inhabit the White underclass are despicable,” said Trump spokesperson Leroy Jefferson. “They are uneducated, unemployed, pathologically violent, lazy welfare cheats with no sense of rhythm living in ghettos called “trailer parks” who are taking jobs away from the blacks.”

 

white race too

 

“We need to build a wall around Idaho, Oklahoma, Alabama and West Virginia until we can figure out what the hell is going on,” said Jefferson.

“And they can’t jump,” Jefferson added. “And they can’t spell.”

 

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Despite these plans, Trump himself appears to be unconvinced of his chances against Hillary Clinton in November.

“I am hearing people on the internets saying that I am a pathetic loser with low ratings. Believe me,” said Trump at a recent rally in Lincoln, Nebraska.

 

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Trump in Nebraska doing his famous “Mexican Ferret” impression.

“They are saying that I flip flopped on my plan to deport all illegal immigrants. I’m not saying this. People are saying it. Who knows? I haven’t denied it. Why haven’t I denied it? Do I have something to hide? I don’t know if I do. Maybe I don’t. Maybe I do. But reliable sources looking into this can’t believe what they are seeing. Believe me. They say my tax returns show I am a bad businessman, a billion dollars in debt, that I donated to NAMBLA – the North American Man/Boy Love Association – believe me, that’s what NAMBLA means. That’s what it means. And that I went on an all-male cruise with Vladimir Putin using money I collected for veterans.”

 

trump putin horse

 

“If I did that’s fine. It’s fine. It’s okay. I don’t know. But if I didn’t then I should deny it. And if I don’t deny it then that means I did it. Okay?”

 

trump putin

 

Reliable sources confirm that Trump will also attempt to win the Irish vote by promising that everyone named “Cromwell” will be deported.  The same sources say Trump plans on appealing to Jewish voters by attacking “stupid goyum buying furniture from a catalogue.”

 

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End

 

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people of earth

 

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Disgruntled Republican

 

Another perfect day! 1

 

HOW DO YOU SAY “UPPITY” IN SPANISH?

Posted in Brave New World, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, Fiat Lux, Getting it Right, Headline, Headlines, I think you are a social parasite but I want you to vote for me anyway, News, Occupy Mordor, Politics, The Great State of Montana!, The Wrath of God, USA! USA! USA! with tags , , , , , , on October 11, 2014 by paulboylan

The Beginning of the End

 

Here is Judge Ramos’ entire opinion.

 

The Beginning of the End

 

Do you think a white person helped her write it?

 

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW – JOHN BOEHNER

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Captain America, disembodied heads of the rich and famous, gülen yüz, GOP, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, I think you are a social parasite but I want you to vote for me anyway, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, News, скарлетт йоханссон, photograph, Photography, Politics, Pycho-Social Trauma, Stupid People, The Great State of Montana!, The Second Coming, The Wrath of God, USA! USA! USA!, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, מצחיק, بشار الاسد, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة with tags , , , , , , on February 19, 2013 by paulboylan

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House of Representatives Republican Majority Leader John Boehner recently stated “Obama wants to obliterate the Republican Party.” Boehner’s complaint has inspired me to draft a fake interview where he explains why Obama needs to do anything at all to destroy the GOP when the GOP is doing a fine job of destroying itself.

I haven’t finished writing the interview yet, but I have collected together the photos I will use for illustration:

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House Leader John Boehner Holds Press Briefing At The Capitol

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Obama Wants to Obliterate GOP 3 copy

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Obama State of the Union

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Obama Wants to Obliterate GOP 3 copy

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John Boehner

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Obama Wants to Obliterate GOP 3 copy

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Obama Wants to Obliterate GOP 3 copy

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EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH JON HUBBARD

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Brave New World, Captain America, Crazy People, Get a job, GOP, I think you are a social parasite but I want you to vote for me anyway, News, Politics, Religion and Politics, Small Town America, The Great State of Montana!, The Second Coming, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, Why do people in other countries talk funny? with tags , , on October 7, 2012 by paulboylan

Jon Hubbard

[Republican conservative Jon Hubbard has come into thehspotlightIfor what some consider racist comments.  In this frankly fictitious but candid interview, Representative Hubbard explains his views.]

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Mr. Hubbard you describe yourself as a “frustrated conservative.”

JON HUBBARD:  Yep.  I am a God fearing conservative Christian and I am frustrated.

POE:  What frustrates you the most?

HUBBARD:  Negroes.

POE: I beg your pardon?

HUBBARD:  You heard me. Negroes frustrate me the most. Hold on, hold on. Before you and your liberal commie friends get their panties in a bunch, let me explain that I don’t mean all negroes, just the ones that want to have the same rights as white people. You know – the uppity ones.

POE: Uppity black folk frustrate you?

HUBBARD:  Yep. The ones that don’t know their place and think they are equal to white people.

POE:  Black people aren’t equal to white people?

HUBBARD:  Of course not.  Any fool can see that.  They are genetically inferior in every which way they can be.  They are better at sports, I’ll concede that point, but they ain’t too bright. If it weren’t for free education and laws that give them the same employment rights as white folk, none of them would amount to much.

POE:  You write in your book Confessions of a Frustrated Conservative:

“The institution of slavery that the black race has long believed to be an abomination upon its people may actually have been a blessing in disguise.”

HUBBARD:  I sure did write that.  It is a truth I hold to be self evident.  Not like the one about all men being born equal.  That isn’t self evident at all.  What IS self evident is that people are NOT born equal.

POE:  Why do you believe that the system of slavery was a good thing?

HUBBARD:  Because negroes are much better off in America than they would have been if they hadn’t been captured and shipped to the United States.  If they had been left in Africa they would be living in mud huts and some weird click language and eating bugs.  But here in the United States they got food stamps they can use to buy watermelon, fried chicken and all the  Kool-Aid and malt liquor they can drink.  Compared to Africa, living in American poverty is paradise.

POE:  I see.

HUBBARD:  And they were better off under slavery than they are today being “free.”

POE:  Can you explain?

HUBBARD:  What are you, a retard? One of them mongolian retards?  You got dropped on your head when you were born, boy?  It is a self-evident truth that blacks were better off then than they are now.  Back then when they were slaves they got fed and taken care of. They didn’t have to worry about caucasian problems like earning a living and going to school and learning how to read and voting.  But that is all going to change.

POE:  How so?

HUBBARD:  There is a new revolution taking place. Conservative  God fearing white Christians are rising up to take back America.

POE:  How are they going to do that?

HUBBARD:  Simple. First, defund public education.  Turn all education over to businesses that run schools for profit.  Let the free market take over.

POE:  How will that solve the problem as you see it?

HUBBARD:  You must be a retard, boy. You can’t see what is right in front of you.  Let me try to put it simple so someone like you can understand: if there isn’t any publically funded education – or the public education that does exist is so underfunded that it can’t educate anybody – then only those with money will be able to afford to have their kids educated in expensive private schools, so only their children will be able to get good jobs.  And most people who can afford to buy education are white.  Sure, there are a lot of poor white folk out there who will get left behind, but the system will still favor them over poor blacks, so they should be happy. Nothing makes the unfortunate happier than some other group to look down on and feel superior to.

POE:  But there are plenty of blacks who have money now, and they will be able to afford to pay the cost of educating their kids.

HUBBARD:  There are fewer blacks with money than you realize.  The Jeffersons and the Cosby Show are fantasies. Black people don’t live like that. It is a lie to make liberals feel good. And even if there are a few negroes who do have money, in a generation or two it won’t matter because it will be okay again to discriminate against them in the workplace.  Their kids won’t get good jobs, so they won’t be able to afford to educate their kids, so those few blacks with money will slip back into poverty and illiteracy.

POE: But there are laws against economic discrimination.

HUBBARD:  Oh yeah. You’re talking about them civil rights, aintcha?  Well, we got that figured out too.  A law is only as good as the government’s will to enforce it.  Our program to pack every court with conservative judges is almost complete.  Soon it won’t matter if a black person who has been discriminated against sues, because they won’t win.  Ever.  As I said, problem solved.

POE:  And then what?

HUBBARD: As I said, the problem is solved.  If they don’t work, they will starve and die, so they will do whatever they are told to do.  It may not be called slavery, but it will look, sound, taste and smell exactly like it.

POE: Doesn’t this whole scheme conflict with your Christian values?

HUBBARD:  Which ones?

POE:  The Christian value of helping the poor.  Your plan makes more people  poor.

HUBBARD:  Yes, but it primarily makes black people poor.  And those greasy latinos.  But we are doing it for their own good. They are like children that need to be taken care of. They are happier when someone else does all that hard thinking for them.  Right now blacks who are educated and in the workforce doing complex and important jobs are miserable. And their inherent laziness makes them do a bad job, and that drags down our economy.  Black folk aren’t suited for good jobs that pay well and include health and retirement benefits.  They secretly yearn for a simpler time when white people were in charge and used a firm hand to maintain order.  Bringing negroes back to that state of grace is a kindness that surely Jesus would have approved of.

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HEADLINE – DONALD TRUMP SAYS “VENGEANCE IS A CHRISTIAN VALUE”

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, buffo, gülen yüz, GOP, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, Hubris, 스타게이트유니버스, 재미, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, love, Mad Men, Money and Power, Mordor, News, neşeli, Paying Attention, photograph, Photography, Politics, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Religion and Politics, Small Town America, The Matrix, The Second Coming, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, Weird Stuff, What are you sick or something?, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, 滑稽, טילים, מצחיק, بشار الاسد, خنده, خنده دار, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 26, 2012 by paulboylan

 

“Jesus wants me to take vengeance against my hair stylist.”

MUNCIE –   During a speech on Monday at the Lynchburg, Virginia Christian college, Liberty University, Donald Trump gave the assembled Christian students some advice: “Get even.”

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“A few of you may say my advice is anti-Christian. Wrong!” Trump said.

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A student pointed out that Trumps advice conflicts with Christ’s Sermon on the Mount recorded in chapters 5-7 of the Gospel of Matthew, where Jesus tells his followers to reject the Old Testament rules on eye-for-an-eye justice and, if slapped, turn the other cheek rather than retaliate.

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 “Don’t believe any of that malarky,” Trump responded.  “Jesus was being misquoted by the liberal media.”

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The liberal media makes Jesus very, very angry.

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“Believe me, the central message of Christianity is “every man for himself” and “always kick a man when he’s down because there is no better time to do it,” Trump said.

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Trump, married three times, then advised the assembled students to get prenuptial agreements before they get married.

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“Jesus wasn’t married and I know why,” Trump said.  “It is because they didn’t have prenuptial agreements in those days so if you got married you were screwed if you wanted to get out of it, especially if you had a lot of money and the woman seduced you because she wanted your money.  But Jesus avoided all of that by not getting married. I’m not saying he didn’t play the field. He just didn’t get married.  I am absolutely sure that, if Jesus had access to a prenuptial agreement, he would have been married. At least once.”

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Maybe more than once.

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The university has posted a video of Trump’s speech on its website, noting that Chancellor Falwell introduced Trump as ”one of the greatest visionaries of our time.”

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Most Americans Oppose Obama’s Health Care Reforms, but Likes What it Does

Posted in American Decline, Corruption, Crazy People, пицца, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, GOP, Headline, Headlines, health care, ανόητο άτομα, lächerlich, Mad Men, Money and Power, Mordor, News, Politics, presidential candidate, Pycho-Social Trauma, Religion and Politics, Science, Stupid People, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, USA! USA! USA!, פיצה, سياسة policy with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on June 24, 2012 by paulboylan

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No joke: it’s real –

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A Reuters/Ipsos poll showed on Sunday that most Americans oppose President Barack Obama’s healthcare reform even though they strongly support its provisions.

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Medicare is a government run health care program.

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This seems, well, sort of stupid, if not crazy, so People of Earth: Attention located an average American to interview and find out what is going on.

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The average American voter.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Thank you for speaking with me today to clear up how you, the average American voter, feels about President Obama’s reforms of the American medical care system.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  It’s simple, Paul.  Like most Americans, I vehemently oppose the President’s plan while strongly supporting the reforms within that plan.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Let me ask you a different question.  Do you like cheese?

AVERAGE AMERICAN: I love cheese.

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Loves cheese.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Do you like mozzarella?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  You bet. I love mozzarella.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Do you like tomato sauce?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  I sure do.

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Loves tomato sauce.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Do you like dough that can be baked into a crust?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  You mean like pizza crust?

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Yes. Like pizza crust.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  I can eat it all day.

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Likes pizza crust.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Great. Do you like mozzarella cheese pizza?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  No, I do not.

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Does not like cheese pizza.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Why not?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  Because I am sick and tired of the government shoving pizza down my throat.  And a black man made that pizza.  It doesn’t taste right. It doesn’t taste American.  It tastes Kenyan. I bet there is dog on that pizza.  I heard it on Fox News.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH: Perhaps your opposition has something to do with the spices used to prepare the pizza.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  I don’t believe in spices. Like global climate change.  Spices aren’t expressly described in the Bible or the U.S. Constitution, so spices don’t exist.  Especially garlic.

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Doesn’t believe in garlic.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Garlic doesn’t exist?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  Nope.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  I think there was some in the salad I ate for lunch.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  No there wasn’t.  Garlic doesn’t exist.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  But I ate some.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  No you didn’t.  Look, do you see the word “garlic” used in the Bible or the Constitution?

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Has never read the Bible or the Constitution, but believes in their infallibility.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:  No.  I don’t think the American Founding Fathers discussed garlic.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  Well, there you go. I proved it doesn’t exist.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  But I ate some.

AVERAGE AMERICAN: So?

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Solvitur ambulando.

AVERAGE AMERICAN: Huh?

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Doesn’t know that was Latin.

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PEOPLE OF EARTH:   Nothing. Thank you. I have no further questions.

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  Any time, Paul.  We’re about to sit down to dinner. Would you like to join us?

PEOPLE OF EARTH: What are you serving?

AVERAGE AMERICAN:  Mozzarella cheese on a baked crust with tomato sauce.  My favorite.

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Loves cheese and tomato sauce backed onto a bread-like crust, but hates pizza because he heard bad things about it on Fox News.

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Postscript:

Global climate change is causing rising sea levels that are causing the erosion of coastline in those American states with ocean borders.  The State of Virgina is one of them – the same state with a Republican majority intending to pass a law that requires any woman seeking an abortion to have ahtransvaginal ultrasound/prior to obtaining an abortion.

Virginia’s beaches are eroding, and there is a bill in the Virginia legislature that seeks funds to study how to best address the changing sea levels and their effect on Virginia’s Atlanatic coastline.  However, prominent Republicans refused to support the bill because they do not believe in global climate change or “changing sea levels,”  but the bill obtained their support when the bill’s author amended the bill to replace the phrase with “persistent flooding.”   http://hamptonroads.com/2012/06/lawmakers-avoid-buzzwords-climate-change-bills 

God bless America and save us from the dark madness that is sweeping across out once great nation.

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Is fascinated by shiny objects and collects string – AND he votes!


A SHORT CONVERSATION WITH MY WIFE

Posted in amusant, And now the snorting starts, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, buffo, Family and Friends, gülen yüz, greannmhar, 재미, αστείος, kluchtig, lächerlich, music, neşeli, snaaks, مضحك, مضحکہ خیز, 滑稽, מצחיק, خنده, خنده دار with tags , on June 6, 2012 by paulboylan

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June 6, 2012, 8:55 AM:

My wife just walked into my office, affected a New Jersey accent, and said:

You know how they say you should be careful about what you wish for, well I wished to be frickin’ awesome, and it’s worked out pretty good for me.

And then she walked back into our bedroom to continue getting ready for work.

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