Archive for The Seeds of Revolution

HEADLINE: TRUMP ADMITS HE IS A “LOSER” – PLANS NEW BLACK VOTE STRATEGY

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Barry Goldwater, Bigotry in America, Captain America, Crazy People, Donald Trump, Early-onset dementia, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, GOP, Grim Fairy Tales, Hate Crimes, Headline, Headlines, I think you are a social parasite but I want you to vote for me anyway, ανόητο άτομα, lächerlich, Money and Power, Mordor, News, скарлетт йоханссон, Occupy Mordor, Politics, presidential candidate, Putin on the Ritz, Pycho-Social Trauma, Russia, ruthless dictator knock-knock jokes, Saron, Small Town America, Stupid People, The Great State of Montana!, The Matrix, The Wilhelm Scream, USA! USA! USA!, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, פיצה, سياسة policy with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 25, 2016 by paulboylan

I'm a Loser with Low Ratings

MUNCIE, Indiana – In a speech delivered at a neo-Nazi bake sale today in West Virginia, Donald Trump openly and frankly acknowledged that he is losing to Hillary Clinton in the race for the White House.

“People are saying that I am a pathetic loser with low ratings,” Trump painfully admitted as he bit into a cupcake.

 

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“I’m not saying this,” Trump continued. “People are saying it.”

 

NateSilver

 “They could be right, they could be wrong. Who knows? I don’t know. People are saying this, not me,” said Trump.

Trumps admissions of “low ratings” is apparently a reference to all polls showing Trump far behind Hillary Clinton in the electoral votes needed to win in November and Trumps reference to “people” appears to be the opinions of his own election staff.

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“The Orange God is losing big time,” said Trump campaign official Trip Henderson on the condition of anonymity.

 

Trip Henderson

Trip Henderson

“He is losing with the coons. He is losing with women, even the ones who aren’t lesbos or bitches.”

Not voting for Trump

Not Voting for Trump

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“He is losing with wetbacks, even the ones who aren’t criminals and rapists. He is losing with fags and queers, even the ones who don’t dress and talk funny. He is losing with Jews, even the good ones. He is losing with the gooks, even the ones that know how to drive. He is barely winning with whites when all of them should be supporting him because Trump is a member of their race,” said Henderson. “Frankly, I’ve sent my resume to the Aryan Nation, the KKK and the American Nazi Party and hope there is a job opening available in Idaho, Oklahoma, Alabama or West Virginia.”

 

Northwest Front

 

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Not all of those in Trump’s inner circle have given up hope. “The polls aren’t telling the truth,” said Trump’s new campaign manager and paranoid schizophrenic, Kellyanne Conway.

 

Conway

Kellyanne Conway

“Donald Trump performs consistently better in online polling where a human being is not talking to another human being about what he or she may do in the elections … it’s become socially desirable, especially if you’re a college educated person in the US, to say that you’re against Donald Trump,” said Conway.

Conway believes that millions upon millions of Americans are secretly racist, misogynistic homophobes who lie to anonymous pollsters on the phone when they say they hate Trump.

 

Trump Supporters

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“The voices in my head assure me that these lying liars will vote for Trump in November,” said Conway as she used copious amounts of hand sanitizer to “keep the bugs away.”

 

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“The “undercover” Trump voter is an example of irrational magical thinking,” said Dr. Krista Schnurstein, Director of the Institute of Political Analysis. “To win the election, Trump needs to convince minority voters who despise him to vote for him. He cannot win without their support,” said Schnurstein.

 

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Trump plans to do just that. “My Lord and Master, Donald Trump the First, has a plan for wooing black voters that is sure fire,” said Donald Trump protégé Omarosa Manigault, who appears to be African-American.

 

Omarosa

Omarosa Manigault

“He will win black voters the same way he won white voters – by inflaming race hatred,”Manigault said before revealing the word “Trump” branded on her posterior. “This means he owns me,” Manigault explained.”

According to Manigault, Trump’s strategy for winning over black voters is to encourage their hatred for white people, especially what Trump refers to as “white trash.”

 

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“Those who inhabit the White underclass are despicable,” said Trump spokesperson Leroy Jefferson. “They are uneducated, unemployed, pathologically violent, lazy welfare cheats with no sense of rhythm living in ghettos called “trailer parks” who are taking jobs away from the blacks.”

 

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“We need to build a wall around Idaho, Oklahoma, Alabama and West Virginia until we can figure out what the hell is going on,” said Jefferson.

“And they can’t jump,” Jefferson added. “And they can’t spell.”

 

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Despite these plans, Trump himself appears to be unconvinced of his chances against Hillary Clinton in November.

“I am hearing people on the internets saying that I am a pathetic loser with low ratings. Believe me,” said Trump at a recent rally in Lincoln, Nebraska.

 

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Trump in Nebraska doing his famous “Mexican Ferret” impression.

“They are saying that I flip flopped on my plan to deport all illegal immigrants. I’m not saying this. People are saying it. Who knows? I haven’t denied it. Why haven’t I denied it? Do I have something to hide? I don’t know if I do. Maybe I don’t. Maybe I do. But reliable sources looking into this can’t believe what they are seeing. Believe me. They say my tax returns show I am a bad businessman, a billion dollars in debt, that I donated to NAMBLA – the North American Man/Boy Love Association – believe me, that’s what NAMBLA means. That’s what it means. And that I went on an all-male cruise with Vladimir Putin using money I collected for veterans.”

 

trump putin horse

 

“If I did that’s fine. It’s fine. It’s okay. I don’t know. But if I didn’t then I should deny it. And if I don’t deny it then that means I did it. Okay?”

 

trump putin

 

Reliable sources confirm that Trump will also attempt to win the Irish vote by promising that everyone named “Cromwell” will be deported.  The same sources say Trump plans on appealing to Jewish voters by attacking “stupid goyum buying furniture from a catalogue.”

 

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End

 

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Disgruntled Republican

 

Another perfect day! 1

 

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EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH ETHAN COUCH’S DOG

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, Celebrity, Crime and Punishment, disembodied heads of the rich and famous, Grim Fairy Tales, Hubris, Joseph Bleckman, Money and Power, Our animal friends, Politics, Post Modern Knock-Knock Jokes, Rage Against the Machine, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, Travel, USA! USA! USA!, مقاطع‏ ‏سكس‏ ‏مصارعه, פיצה with tags , , , , , , on January 1, 2016 by paulboylan

dog1

When  wealthy fugitives Ethan Couch and his mother, Tanya, were apprehended in Mexico, their dog, Fluffy, was confiscated by Mexican authorities.  Ethan Couch is now challenging the legality of his arrest partly on the grounds that the entire arrest is illegal because the Mexican authorities wrongfully confiscated his dog.  In a frankly fictitious interview from Mexico, Fluffy sets the record straight.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Thank you for agreeing to speak with us today.

FLUFFY:  No, thank you for the opportunity to let the world know my side of the story.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  And what story is that?

FLUFFY:  I want everyone to know that I was and remain an unwilling participant in any of this.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Are you saying that you accompanied Ethan and Tanya unwillingly?

FLUFFY:  Exactly.  I had nothing to do with any of this nonsense.  If I had my way I would still be in Texas.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  So what happened?

FLUFFY:  First of all, do you know who my owners are?

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Yes.  Tanya and Fred Couch and their son, Ethan.

Fred Tanya and Ethan

FLUFFY:  How would you describe them?

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Wealthy, white, amoral Texas morons who, if not for their money and the privileges money and race provide, would all be in prison.

FLUFFY:  That describes a lot of people in Texas.  I was going for something more specific. More personal.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Such as?

FLUFFY:  In addition to being rich white folks who can literally get away with murder because they are rich and white, they are also bad dog owners – and that is unforgivable.

bad dog owners

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Did they mistreat you?

FLUFFY:  They were going to eat me.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  Eat you?

FLUFFY:  That was their plan.  I was minding my own business, keeping a low profile, while they were making their moronic plans to run away to Mexico. Seriously stupid.  I stayed out of it, glad they were leaving. Then, at the last minute, they decided to take me with them.  The mom explained that, if things got really bad, they could always eat me if they had to.  I was insurance.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  That is a bit hard to believe.

FLUFFY:  Are you kidding?  Remember who we are talking about here.  This is the “affluenza” family.  This is the kid who killed four people, permanently crippling others, who’s parents taught him that his race and wealth excused them from the suffering any consequences of their actions, and then demonstrated the truth of that by getting him ten years of probation instead of jail time and sending him to “rehab” at a resort in Newport, California that cost half a million dollars.  Then ran away to Mexico because a video tape showed Ethan drinking alcohol and violating the terms of his probation.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  I think I see your point.  These are the kinds of privileged douchebags that would eat their dog if they were hungry.

cooked dog

FLUFFY:  Exactly.  And that’s why I don’t want to go back to them.  I want out.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  You are out.  They are in jail.

FLUFFY:  They won’t stay in jail.  Remember who and what they are.  They already worked the system to allow their kid to face no consequences for killing four people and crippling others.  Remember Judge Jean Boyd?

Jeanboyd

POE:  Yes.hI inteterviewed her/shortly after she rendered her verdict.

FLUFFY:  She’s the judge that agreed that Ethan suffered from “affluenza” – a disease that only spoiled rich kids can get – and that it excuses his getting drunk and killing all those people. What makes you think they won’t be able to persuade some other judge that Ethan and Tanya shouldn’t get any jail time for violating the terms of Ethan’s probation?  They have the money and influence to beat this, too.

JusticeForSale

FLUFFY: Tanya Couch’s Texas attorneys are arguing that she didn’t break any laws.

Trust me.

FLUFFY:  Ethan Couch’s Mexican lawyers are arguing that, under Mexican law, this little snot’s arrest was unlawful – partly because it was unlawful to take possession of me, their dog.  They are going to beat this, and they are going to come and get me.

PEOPLE OF EARTH:  If all of that is true, how can you stop it?

FLUFFY:  Fuck if I know.

Dog 2

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

people of earth

 

Another perfect day! 1

HEADLINE – WOMAN ATTACKS BOYFRIEND WITH BASEBALL BAT

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Crime and Punishment, fairness, Fiat Lux, gülen yüz, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, Is that really Ellie Goulding?, Joseph Bleckman, kluchtig, lächerlich, love, News, neşeli, скарлетт йоханссон, Small Town America, The Great State of Montana!, بشار الاسد with tags , , , , , on November 1, 2014 by paulboylan

Angry Woman

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Okay, what did he do?

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Reproduction with permission of the Sacramento Valley Mirror, the greatest little newspaper in the world (Tim Crews Editor and Publisher).

HOW DO YOU SAY “UPPITY” IN SPANISH?

Posted in Brave New World, End of the World Knock-Knock Jokes, Fiat Lux, Getting it Right, Headline, Headlines, I think you are a social parasite but I want you to vote for me anyway, News, Occupy Mordor, Politics, The Great State of Montana!, The Wrath of God, USA! USA! USA! with tags , , , , , , on October 11, 2014 by paulboylan

The Beginning of the End

 

Here is Judge Ramos’ entire opinion.

 

The Beginning of the End

 

Do you think a white person helped her write it?

 

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW – JOHN BOEHNER

Posted in And now the snorting starts, Captain America, disembodied heads of the rich and famous, gülen yüz, GOP, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, I think you are a social parasite but I want you to vote for me anyway, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, News, скарлетт йоханссон, photograph, Photography, Politics, Pycho-Social Trauma, Stupid People, The Great State of Montana!, The Second Coming, The Wrath of God, USA! USA! USA!, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, מצחיק, بشار الاسد, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة with tags , , , , , , on February 19, 2013 by paulboylan

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House of Representatives Republican Majority Leader John Boehner recently stated “Obama wants to obliterate the Republican Party.” Boehner’s complaint has inspired me to draft a fake interview where he explains why Obama needs to do anything at all to destroy the GOP when the GOP is doing a fine job of destroying itself.

I haven’t finished writing the interview yet, but I have collected together the photos I will use for illustration:

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House Leader John Boehner Holds Press Briefing At The Capitol

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Obama Wants to Obliterate GOP 3 copy

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Obama State of the Union

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Obama Wants to Obliterate GOP 3 copy

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John Boehner

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Obama Wants to Obliterate GOP 3 copy

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Obama Wants to Obliterate GOP 3 copy

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HEADLINE – REPUBLICANS ACCUSE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION OF FAKING JOB NUMBERS

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, おかしなふるまいの, अजीब, buffo, Crazy People, disembodied heads of the rich and famous, gülen yüz, GOP, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, 재미, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, Money and Power, News, neşeli, смешной, photograph, Photography, Politics, The Great State of Montana!, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, Why do people in other countries talk funny? with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 5, 2012 by paulboylan

MUNCIE –  Jack Welch, founder and former CEO of General Electric, Romney surrogate and de facto spokesman for the Republican Party stated that the statistics showing a slow but steady improvement for the national economy have been fabricated by the Obama administration.

“These are unbelievable job numbers,” Welch tweeted. “Chicago guys will do anything… can’t debate so change the numbers.”

Welch’s sentiment reflects a constant Republican complaint about the U.S. economy.  They believe it cannot be improving and must be getting worse.

“These numbers can’t be real,” Welch said. “We did everything we could to ruin the economy. We gave America George Bush and he gave us two wars and huge entitlements that he paid for with money borrowed from China.  He drove the deficit up to astronomical levels.  Obama inherited an economy that simply could not be fixed, and after he was elected, Republicans in congress did everything they could to  stop him from fixing the economy by create jobs.   So numbers showing any improvement must be wrong.”

Others disagree.

“These statistics show what we all know, and that is that the American economy is finally rising out of the dark hole that the Republicans dug for the nation and that President Obama inherited from George Bush,” said Big Bird, a Public Television celebrity. “Obama had an impossible job to do, but now his policies are working.  There is no need to make drastic cuts in public spending, especially funding for Public Television,” Bird said. “So Mitt Romney can go fuck himself.”

During his first Presidential Debate, Republican candidate Mitt Romney refused to say which government programs he would cut, but when pressed he said he would cut funding for Public Television.

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HEADLINE – DONALD TRUMP SAYS “VENGEANCE IS A CHRISTIAN VALUE”

Posted in American Decline, And now the snorting starts, Attorney fees, buffo, gülen yüz, GOP, greannmhar, Headline, Headlines, Hubris, 스타게이트유니버스, 재미, αστείος, ανόητο άτομα, kluchtig, lächerlich, love, Mad Men, Money and Power, Mordor, News, neşeli, Paying Attention, photograph, Photography, Politics, Pop Culture, Pycho-Social Trauma, Religion and Politics, Small Town America, The Matrix, The Second Coming, The Wilhelm Scream, The Wrath of God, Weird Stuff, What are you sick or something?, Why do people in other countries talk funny?, 滑稽, טילים, מצחיק, بشار الاسد, خنده, خنده دار, سكارليت جوهانسون, سياسة with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 26, 2012 by paulboylan

 

“Jesus wants me to take vengeance against my hair stylist.”

MUNCIE –   During a speech on Monday at the Lynchburg, Virginia Christian college, Liberty University, Donald Trump gave the assembled Christian students some advice: “Get even.”

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“A few of you may say my advice is anti-Christian. Wrong!” Trump said.

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A student pointed out that Trumps advice conflicts with Christ’s Sermon on the Mount recorded in chapters 5-7 of the Gospel of Matthew, where Jesus tells his followers to reject the Old Testament rules on eye-for-an-eye justice and, if slapped, turn the other cheek rather than retaliate.

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 “Don’t believe any of that malarky,” Trump responded.  “Jesus was being misquoted by the liberal media.”

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The liberal media makes Jesus very, very angry.

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“Believe me, the central message of Christianity is “every man for himself” and “always kick a man when he’s down because there is no better time to do it,” Trump said.

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Trump, married three times, then advised the assembled students to get prenuptial agreements before they get married.

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“Jesus wasn’t married and I know why,” Trump said.  “It is because they didn’t have prenuptial agreements in those days so if you got married you were screwed if you wanted to get out of it, especially if you had a lot of money and the woman seduced you because she wanted your money.  But Jesus avoided all of that by not getting married. I’m not saying he didn’t play the field. He just didn’t get married.  I am absolutely sure that, if Jesus had access to a prenuptial agreement, he would have been married. At least once.”

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Maybe more than once.

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The university has posted a video of Trump’s speech on its website, noting that Chancellor Falwell introduced Trump as ”one of the greatest visionaries of our time.”

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